Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HPnwCO6lKV9CCqrooCp07wAuo2v1xRHEJtcFb5Al_PM/edit

The first thing I noticed about the place we found ourselves was that it was half dark and half bright. All the walls, the ceiling, and the floor were made of strange things. The dark half seemed to be comprised of writhing tentacles. The other side was made up of… light. It was so bright that it hurt my eyes and I could barely see the person standing before us.

“A… Athena?” a feminine voice whispered. “Is that you?”

One of Athena’s bony hands covered my eyes for a moment. When it pulled away, I could see again. Before us was a woman who looked about my age. She was wearing a dress made out of what appeared to be peacock feathers. Her hair was a perfect golden blonde. Her face was covered by a mostly see-through veil held up by a diadem. I could barely see her features under it, but from what little I could tell, she was very beautiful. She also appeared frightened.

“It is indeed, Hera,” Athena said.

Hera jumped forward and hugged the poor old woman. Given that Athena was rickety and ancient, she would have fallen if I hadn’t gotten behind her to steady her. Our guest started sobbing and her grip tightened so much that Athena hissed. Since that was apparently too much affection for her, something seemed to switch and I found myself standing where Athena had been, wrapped in a hug. That hug showed me that Hera was pretty well endowed. A part of me wanted to see what she looked like under the dress. The rest of me really wanted her to stop hugging me.

Athena stepped back into view and placed a hand on Hera’s shoulder. “What is the matter, dear friend?” she quietly asked.

It was probably too quiet, because Hera was still sobbing and clutching at me. A moment later, her legs gave out and I had to wrap my arms around her to keep us both from falling. “I don’t think we’re gonna get anything out of her like this,” I said. “I mean, she looks fine.” More than fine, actually. I wonder how Athena ended up all old and ugly, but this chick still looks like she’s in her prime.

“We all bear scars,” Athena said. “Not all of them can be seen. How often do you wake up in cold sweats, dreaming of things you have done?”

“That is a very fair point.”

I guess she was tired of being a shitty friend, because she came up behind Hera and hugged her. Together, we made a goddess sandwich.

It took her a few minutes to calm down. They were a very uncomfortable few minutes and my arms were starting to get tired from holding her up. When she finally stopped crying, she took a long, shuddering breath while still huddled in my chest. “Oh, Athena… I’ve been alone for so long…”

“Was your husband not with you?” Athena asked.

“He left me,” Hera whispered.

“What an asshole,” I said.

Hera gasped and finally pulled back to look at me. When she saw me, she gasped again and let go. Athena and I both took a few steps back. “You are…” Her eyes went wide behind the veil and she began backing up. “You look just like…”

Athena placed a hand on her shoulder again. “This is Navarone,” she said. “She discovered my book and passed my test.”

Hera’s eyes slowly looked me up and down, noticing all the features that were most definitely off. Finally, they settled on my eyes and she seemed to relax. “Forgive me, and… pardon my manners. I thought for a moment that you were someone else.”

“Who?” I asked. “Did you know Anonymous? Or Jane?”

“I thought you were Eris.” I stared at her in silence. “You don’t know who she is? That’s wonderful news! Is she dead, Athena?”

“She is, but Discord remains,” Athena quietly replied. “Navarone probably knows him better than any living mortal, much to her chagrin.”

“I’m gonna put that motherfucker six feet under ground,” I said, smacking a fist into an open palm. “It’s a long time coming!”

“...I see. Again, forgive my rudeness. My name is Hera. It is a pleasure to meet you… Navarone. Truth be told, it’s a pleasure to meet anybody…”

“You said you’ve been alone,” Athena said. “When did Zeus leave you? Where did he go?”

“It feels like an eternity ago,” she sighed, her head hanging low. Something about her seemed to be pulling me in and making me want to hug her again. I did my best to resist the urge. “I don’t truly know when. Time flows so strangely in these cursed books. And I don’t know where he went. My love was never enough for him… And nothing I did could ever convince him otherwise.”

“Three groups of ponies went into your book,” I said. “Do you know what happened to them?”

“I’m afraid not,” she replied. “Were they friends of yours?”

“Nope. I’m sure plenty of others have also entered it, though. You’ve been completely alone ever since Zeus left?”

“Yes. I would have loved having company, but… he was the only one who knew how to control the book and its defenses. Before he left, he made it nearly impenetrable and he made escape impossible. He told me that he’d be back one day, but that was… eons ago…”

“Like I said, what an asshole,” I reiterated.

Hera seemed to blanch a little. Athena sighed and said, “Zeus has always been… flighty with his lovers. It was not Hera’s desire to get married to him.”

“He stole my honor and it… became my only option.”

“Shoulda cut his dick off.” Her delicate hands grasped at her dress and it looked like her cheeks turned fiery red. Athena glared at me. “You know what, I’m just gonna stop talking.”

Athena’s eyes moved back to Hera and they became softer. “What have you been doing in your time alone?”

“...Reading. Remembering. Thinking. Pining. I discovered how all of the constructs in my book work, but I still cannot control any of them.”

“Zeus was always a novice at runes. I imagine discovering how they worked was fairly simple.”

“Those that are constructed of runes, yes. There are several that are not. But I do not wish to think of my time alone, Athena. It… horrifies me.”

“I understand, my friend. If you would like, I can modify the defenses. It would give visitors more of a chance to reach you.”

Hera’s eyes went wide. “No! If Discord came for me, I would be helpless! And if any barbarians made it to me, I would be at their complete mercy!”

“You don’t have magic?” I asked, forgetting that I had promised not to talk.

“Not all of us are capable of fighting or killing,” Athena said. “Hera’s strengths… lie elsewhere.”

“If you leave the books, will you also turn to dust?” I asked. “I know Athena said she would, but you look… a lot more lively.” Less like a mummy, at least.

“I don’t know if the magic that maintained me once upon a time would maintain me still,” she softly replied. “Leaving would risk instant death.”

“Navarone has many friends and could visit often,” Athena said. “If I reduced the defenses in your world to grant her easy access, I could increase them again after she completed Zeus’s test. Then she could visit and bring others with her.”

“I… don’t know,” Hera said, clutching at her dress again.

“Why don’t you just move in with Athena?” I asked.

Athena flinched and her hand dropped off Hera’s shoulder. “Absolutely—”

“PERFECT!” Hera shouted. Her entire body seemed to light up. “That would be wonderful! We could keep each other company for eternity!”

“Boom, problem solved! Now let’s get out of this creepy fucking place.”

“I have lived alone for a very long time,” Athena said.

“Me too,” Hera replied. “It’s been completely dreadful. It’ll be so nice to have somebody living with me again! Shall we away to my new home?”

Athena really didn’t look too enthusiastic about her new roommate. “Is there nothing you need from your book?” she asked. It sounded like she was trying a little too hard to keep her voice polite.

“No. Everything there would be painful to have around.”

“You’re gonna wear that one dress for all eternity?” I asked.

The peacock feathers quivered for a moment and then they shifted. My eyebrows lifted as they slowly unwrapped from her body, becoming two large peacock wings. Under that was a simple white dress that she happened to fill in very nicely. “What’s wrong with this dress?” she asked.

“I… did not realize you had wings,” I replied. Now that I got a good look at them, I realized that they were placed on her lower back and were a lot more flexible than mine. That’s presumably how she was able to wrap them around her body so well.

“Of course I have wings, silly! Did you think I was just wearing feathers?”

“I’ve seen weirder things. But the point is, don’t you ever need to do laundry or something? Like, I know you’re basically a god or whatever, but do you really wanna wear the same dress all the time?”

“I see no reason not to,” she replied.

I slowly looked over at Athena. “Our clothing is enchanted,” she said. “It never needs to be washed. And even if it did, we could use magic to do so. We also use magic to clean ourselves.”

“Alright, that makes a lot more sense. Let’s blow this joint, then.” That made the two goddesses look at each other in confusion. “I mean let’s go. This place is creepy.”

Athena cleared her throat. “I believe—” Hera snapped and the world twisted again. The light began receding and the weird tentacles all three of us were standing on pulled back. Everything seemed to grow very small until they suddenly normalized and all three of us were standing back in Athena’s book. “...Never mind. Welcome to my home.”

“Our home,” Hera warmly said, looking around in wonder. “It’s so…”

“Dusty?” I asked.

“Full of knowledge?” Athena asked.

“Spooky?”

“Comfortable?”

“...Disorganized,” Hera finally finished. Before Athena could rebuke her, the book on the pedestal opened and we were joined by everyone’s favorite book horse, who was currently facing the other way. Before she could orient herself, Hera jumped to my side to huddle against me. I have no clue why she picked me instead of Athena. Maybe she realized I was slightly sturdier.

“Over here, Twilight,” I said.

She spun around with a smile on her face. “That was so—Oh, the book was occupied! And it’s another human!” She finally started walking closer.

“Twilight, this is Hera,” I said. “Hera, this is Twilight Sparkle. She’s a unicorn.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Hera,” Twilight said. “You don’t have to be afraid.”

Hera finally backed away a little, but locked one of her arms around mine. “Greetings… Twilight. It’s been a very long time since I last saw a unicorn, and I’ve never seen one that could talk. Or one that was quite so tiny.”

“Yeah, she’s adorable,” I said. Hera’s grip around my arm tightened. “You’ll also see a minotaur from time to time.” She gasped and held me even tighter. “A very friendly minotaur. He’s Athena’s student.”

“...I didn’t know there were any friendly minotaurs,” she quietly said.

“There are all kinds of friendly species in the world today,” Twilight said with a grin. “If you’d like, I can tell you all about some of them! But Nav knows more than me about a few.”

“It seems that I have some catching up to do,” Hera said. “Things have changed in my elongated time away from the world.”

“Humans are extinct now,” Athena said, making Hera gasp again. “Discord finally succeeded. As far as I know, we are all that is left, save Arachne.”

“Yeah, shit sucks hella hard,” I said. “That’s why I wanna put that fucker down.”

“...If humans are extinct, from where do you hail?” Hera asked me. “Were you also in a book?”

“Discord created me, unfortunately,” I said. I’m honestly surprised that she didn’t immediately push me away. “I’m working on freeing myself from him.”

“You poor soul,” she whispered, gently brushing my hair.

“Well, hell, nobody asks to be born,” I said. “Way I figure, I am what I am, until I’m not anymore. I just have to make it long enough to find a way to free myself. Once I do, things’ll be fine.”

“You’re almost there, Nav,” Twilight said. “I’m sure Grogar can find a way to give you a soul!”

“Why not appeal to Thanatos?” Hera asked.

“That’s not one I recognize,” I replied.

“That would be Death,” Athena said. “You’ve already met him.”

“Not many mortals meet Thanatos and live, Nava… Nav. That’s very impressive.”

“The dude drugged me and made me see all kinds of horrific shit,” I replied. “I also told a lot of prophecies, apparently.”

“Very impressive indeed… Well, one of his many abilities allows him to grant a soul to something without one.”

“The dude told me to use the soul of a dead woman I have attached to myself,” I said. “He didn’t mention anything about me getting a soul of my own.”

“Well, Thanatos never did anything for free,” she said with a small grin. “Most mortals never found his deals worthwhile. But one who finds herself trapped between Discord and Thanatos might very well prefer an unpleasant deal.”

“That’s all well and good, but I have no idea how to contact him again.”

“You could ask Zecora,” Twilight said. “She’s grown in power quite a lot over this trip and, if what she says is true, she’s been granted a new power over the dead. It might not be a bad idea to consider it. I’m sure it would be a much better alternative than forcing an unwilling soul into your body.”

“Hey, if that bitch was unwilling, she shouldn’t have tried hitching a ride in my body to begin with. Not while I was still using it.”

“I think you were actually… technically a little bit dead,” Twilight said. “Maybe she thought you were done using it.”

“I don’t give a fuck what she thought. You don’t take over another man’s house just because he steps outside of it for a moment, do you? There’s gotta be some kind of five second rule or something.” Twilight rolled her eyes and Hera actually giggled. “Not like it would have mattered anyway. I was stuck in there until you guys pulled me out, so she would have been shit outta luck anyway.”

“A slightly dead body is better than no body,” Athena said. “Especially given the horrors she likely witnessed before perishing.”

“That sounds like her problem,” I said, waving the arm that wasn’t being held. “But we’ve gotten super off subject. I’ll talk to Zecora next time I see her about contacting Death. On the off chance she doesn’t tell me to go fuck myself, I’ll ask if he can help a sista out. Now, what are those mage assholes doing out there?”

“The head of destruction has picked his two companions,” Twilight said. “They’re preparing now. They’re asking permission to hold onto the book indefinitely.”

“Denied,” I immediately said. “If they want to use Athena’s book, they can ask permission from the people she’s entrusted it to immediately before each use. If they don’t like that, I’m sure Athena can give us a very nasty surprise for them.”

“Indeed I can,” she said. “I can dig up a few very nasty enchanted staves that even you could use. Oooh, I bet I could find the one that would turn them into newts!”

“And one of the conditions of letting them use the book at all is that we get priority access to it,” I said. “You, me, and Jak. All them uppity pieces of shit can suck my clit if they think they’re gonna monopolize this book.”

“You’re very vulgar,” Hera said. For some reason, her tone almost seemed… pleased.

“You get used to it,” Twilight sighed. I flipped her off. “Thankfully, she still hasn’t explained what that one means.”

“It’s quite alright,” Hera said. “It reminds me of… somebody else.” Her arm finally slid away from mine and she stepped in front of me to place her hands on my shoulders. Honestly, it kinda surprised me that we were about the same height. “I think you and I are going to become very close.”

With her standing so close, I could finally see the color of her eyes through the veil. They were pure gold. I felt myself getting drawn into them, like they were actually pulling me in.

The feeling of Athena’s bony arm around my shoulder snapped me out of it. “It is not very easy to become close to Navarone,” she said. “Do not count your snakes before they hatch, dear Hera.”

One of Hera’s hands moved to my cheek and she grinned ever-so-sweetly. “Perhaps, dear Athena. Perhaps. But it’s been quite some time since I’ve had a mortal I could call friend. I’m sure she would be pleased to help me rectify that.”

“Your eyes are very mesmerizing,” I said, crossing my arms. “I can’t help but wonder if it’s their beauty or if it’s part of who you are.”

She giggled again. “A goddess must have some mysteries, silly.” The hand that was on my cheek poked me on the nose. With that, she finally pulled away and began walking off. She seemed to move so evenly that it was like she was gliding. “We simply must do something about this decor, Athena! It’s so dull and dreary!”

Athena took her place and pulled me in close to whisper, “You do not want to be her friend. Now leave. I will try to salvage this mess you have made.”

Before I could ask what she meant, Twilight and I found ourselves standing in front of the book again. “Are all humans like this?” she asked.

“Sometimes I wonder,” I sighed as I opened the book.

We appeared back in the room. Three of the old ponies were gone, including the guy in red. Hera’s book was sitting where it had been left. I knew there was still a treasure trove of information and artifacts inside, so I resolved to ask Athena to make it passable later, then loot it before the mages could get the chance.

“What did you learn?” one of them asked. “Was there somebody in the other book?”

“There was,” I replied. “Another lonely old woman looking for a friend. You’ll be able to meet her should your friends succeed.”

“When they succeed,” one of them said with a smile.

“If,” I said, placing my hand on Athena’s book. “Let me know when you’re ready and I’ll bring the book back when I have time.”

They all leaned forward. “I’m… sorry?” the oldest looking one asked.

“Did I not speak up loud enough?” I asked. “I said I’m taking my book back. Let me know when you’re ready to go in.”

“I believe we were all under the impression that you were to leave the book here, where it can properly be protected.”

“Well, I’m sorry that you got the wrong impression.” I picked the book back up. “You can send us back now.”

“There are many of us who believe that you should remain here for study as well, you know.”

“Do they, now?” I asked.

“The last known human still walking around. After what we know of the others from the time traveling test, you’re quite interesting. I believe we could learn quite a lot from each other.”

“Is that so?” I asked. They all nodded, smiling. I looked down at Twilight. “And what do you think, Twiley?”

“I think you’re my little project.”

“Well well. Looks like you fellows got some competition. I’ll go ahead and give you my final answer.” I stepped up as close to the desk as I could to the one who spoke and leaned over it. “I ain’t your fucking guinea pig. And this book is mine. You ever want access to it, you get it on my terms. It stays with me when I travel. If I ever need it and you have it, you will give it back, no questions asked. Same goes for Twilight and the minotaur named Jak. And this book is a privilege. If Athena asks that I cut you off, you get cut off. If you annoy me too much, you get cut off. Do we have an understanding?”

Their smiles disappeared very shortly after I started talking. The one I was closest to was glaring, in fact. “The others will not like this.”

“That sounds like a you problem, buddy. That’s the deal. Take it or don’t. Either way, send us back.”

His eyes slowly moved around the table. I didn’t take my eyes off him, so I don’t know what the others were doing. He finally sighed and hung his head. “We have an accord.” With that, he placed his hoof on the desk. I guess the others did as well, because the world shifted again and Twilight and I were back in the lobby. Athena’s book was still in my hands.

Before I could even nod my head, Twilight grabbed me with magic and forced me down to her level for a kiss. She really got into it, shoving her tongue into my mouth and holding me in place with magic until I stopped trying to pull away. When she finally had enough, she pulled me into a hug and whispered, “I am so hot for you right now I’m practically dripping.”

I whispered back, “Slut.” She used magic to swat my ass before pulling back with a filthy grin. Thankfully, she also let me go so I could stand up straight again.

As much as I wanted to get her back to the castle and ravish her, finding Taya was a little more important. Thankfully, finding Taya was also extremely easy: She was standing right next to us and beaming like mad. Twilight’s eyes followed my gaze and a massive blush covered her adorable face. I guess she wasn’t too keen on kissing in front of my daughter.

“I was wondering where you had gotten off to,” I said, reaching down to poke Taya’s nose. “Ready to head back?”

“Right after you sign this!” she replied, using magic to summon a clipboard and a pen. I took them both and quickly skimmed over the paper. It was an admission slip. I signed it and handed the clipboard back, but tried to slip the pen into a pocket. Then I remembered I didn’t have any pockets and handed that back as well. Instead of taking either of them, Taya jumped forward to hug me.

I didn’t have a chance to hug her back before she pulled away, finally pulled them out of my hands with magic, and trotted over to the front desk lady. Twilight and I followed, because we wanted to make Taya feel like one of the cool kids.

The front desk chick apparently wasn’t paying us much mind, but thankfully looked up at the sound of a filly loudly trotting over. She smiled at the sight of us. “It’s not every day we find fillies of her aptitude. The instructors are going to be happy to have her.”

“Wait until they see what she does to the lawn,” I said. “She tore the backyard of my old house to pieces.” It’s surprisingly easy to keep a lawn in shape when your daughter just destroys the entire thing. “They’re going to have their hands full.”

“We see all types, here,” she said. “If I can manage a giant tentacle monster from a dimension I can’t even pronounce, I think I can handle a cute little filly.”

“That’s how she gets you,” Twilight said. “She lulls you in with her cuteness, then snaps while you’re distracted.”

“Just like mommy taught me!” Taya said with a huge grin.

“I’ll be sure to warn the instructors,” the front desk lady warmly replied. “I’ll get all the paperwork handled from here. Taya’s aptitude tests will be tomorrow morning at ten. There’s no need to prepare. The tests will cover the basics of all seven magical schools. Each will take approximately one hour. All materials she needs will be provided. After her tests, she’ll be judged by the instructors. If she’s found lacking in any of the seven schools, she’ll be placed in the beginning course for that particular school. Aside from that, she’ll be allowed to choose her studies as she likes. Any tuition fees will need to be paid the day after she decides what courses she would like to enroll in.”

“Do you guys have some kind of ‘tab’ thing?” I asked.

“...What do you mean?” she asked.

“Can I just drop two hundred bits off and let her learn whatever, whenever, and not have to worry about it again?”

“Oh. Um. I’ll have to ask, but I believe that might be an option. It’s not too often that we have noble fillies, but I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.”

“Most nobles go to Celestia’s private schools,” Twilight said. “I’m honestly surprised she didn’t try to snap Taya up herself.”

“She did try,” Taya said.

“She fucking what?” I said, taking a step closer.

“She spoke to me when you were a dragon and asked if I wanted to be her pupil. I told her no.”

The secretary’s eyebrows lifted. “Not many fillies would say no to that!”

I sighed and massaged the bridge of my nose. “I didn’t want to get angry today, but I guess this is what we’re doing. Twilight, would you kindly teleport us to Celestia? You’re about to see me get mad.”

She grinned. “This is such a bad idea, but I love it.” Her horn lit up and all three of us teleported into a meeting between Moonbeam and Celestia. Before either of them could speak up, I slapped Celestia across the face, then shoved my finger under her chin.

“STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CHILD!”

“Wh—”

I backhanded her, that time. My finger went right back to her face. “SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH! If you ever, ever get near my daughter again without my permission, I will flay you alive.”

“I was offering to teach her!”

“Bitch I ain’t dumb! And neither is she!”

“That’s why I was—”

“Save it,” I hissed. “I know what you are. A lying tyrant. A fucking devil woman. You’re no better than those things you toss into Tartarus. I won’t let you anywhere near my child!”

She sighed and grabbed me with magic, then forced me onto a couch. “I will admit that I shouldn’t have approached her without consulting you first, but—” I started to cut her off, but something wedged itself into my mouth. “But she’s very powerful and needs proper guidance. I know that my student is very capable of handling her, but I thought that I would offer my services as well.”

Moonbeam rolled her eyes. “Quit the act, Celestia. We all know better.”

“How I handle my subjects—”

“Nav is one of your subjects? Since when?”

“Since my sister made her a knight. But I was referring to Taya, who—”

“Came from Egypt,” Twilight said. “She isn’t from Equestria.”

“...Perhaps not originally, but I’m sure—”

An uncomfortably familiar male voice said, “Lies, lies, lies… They do all add up, don’t they?” The magic holding me down vanished, along with my ability to move. Discord’s fucked up mismatched hands appeared in the air above us before sliding away from each other. As they moved away, his body filled in until there he was, in all his unholy glory.

“God you are ugly,” I said, shaking my head.

He flinched back. “Wow.”

“Look, I’m sorry dude, but we were all thinking it. You’re ugly as fuck. If you can make yourself look like anything, why the hell would you pick that?”

“That really hurts,” he sighed, shaking his head. “But I’m happy that you were able to truthfully air it. Does anypony else have anything they’d like to share?” he asked, staring directly into Celestia’s soul.

Taya answered that with a blast of lightning. Twilight jumped toward her and teleported the both of them out, thankfully. I kinda wish she had thought to grab me as well, but I honestly wasn’t surprised that she didn’t.

“I have nothing to say to you,” Celestia coldly replied.

“You’re so rude,” Discord said, elongating one of his arms to pat her on the cheek. She stared at it in disgust and shivered when it touched her. “I feel like there’s quite a few things you would be happy to say to me.” He snapped and was suddenly dressed like a psychiatrist, complete with a clipboard. “Why don’t we have a nice, long talk, hm?”

Her horn lit up. He reached down and snubbed the light out with his talons. She finally tried bolting for the door. He actually let her run, surprisingly enough. The three of us listened to her galloping down the halls for a moment.

“What a cunt,” I said.

“I tried to raise her right,” Discord sighed, shaking his head. “Really, I did, but there’s only so much you can do with poor stock.”

“Should have beaten her more,” I said. “Maybe smack her around a little.”

“I think she could have used a little bit more love,” he said. “I’m afraid most of the love around her got sucked away…”

“Well, that tends to happen when you turn half of her species into emotion-stealing fae,” I said. “Especially her beloved teacher, the last friend she had in the awful world you created for her.”

“I suppose so,” he said with a shrug. “And what about you, Navarone? Do you have something else you would like to say?”

“I mean, like, you know the only reason I’m being semi-civil with you is because I know there’s nothing I can do to you, right? If I had my way, I’d legit just be a dick to you all the time.”

He smirked, then leaned down to boop my nose. “The fact that you believe you cannot do anything to me is precisely why you cannot do anything to me.”

“Fine. I order you to go fuck yourself with a cactus.”

“Not quite there yet, I don’t think,” he said with a shrug. Finally, he looked out the door Celestia left open. “Ooh, do you think I should chase her? That seems like a great bonding activity!”

“I’d prefer that you didn’t,” I said. “But I mean, if that’s what you want, go for it. That said, I’d also prefer you didn’t hurt her until after she helps us find a way to kill you.”

“Then I’ll be extra careful!” he said with a smile. He snapped again and all the psychiatrist bullshit was replaced with standard safety gear. That included a helmet, fingerless gloves, knee pads, shoulder pads, and oddly enough, another helmet on his tail. Once he was set, he slid out the door after her. When he was gone, my body flooded with energy again.

Moonbeam jumped across the room to hug me. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. You?”

“Peachy,” she sighed, cuddling me close. “That thing is horrifying, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it really kinda is.”

She giggled. “I can’t believe you called him ugly.”

“It needed to be said. I know we were all thinking it.”

“I also can’t believe you slapped Celestia. Twice!”

“I was angry. She was trying to manipulate my daughter.”

“After what she did, that’s certainly understandable. Though I must admit, I never expected to see you jump into mamabear mode. We might just make a proper mother out of you yet.”

“I really don’t like kids.”

“You just slapped the most powerful mare in the world across the face because she got near your child, and threatened to flay her alive if she did it again.”

“Well, I don’t have to like Taya to love her. She’s a little bitch. But she’s my little bitch.”

“Never mind, you’re an absolutely awful mother. It kinda suits you, though.”

“I’ll take your word for it. Say, would you like to meet a super old human mage? She might be able to undo what Discord did to you.”

“Would that be Athena?” she asked.

I was still holding onto the book, so I finally pulled it forward. “Yep, she lives in here. And she just recently got a new roommate, too.”

“I’m afraid I must put that meeting off for now. If Discord is still chasing Celestia around the castle, I’ll need to do what I can to make sure none of her cowardly ponies panic.”

“Have fun.” She sighed and kissed me before trotting out. “Man, where the fuck even am I?” I didn’t recognize the sitting room. Given that the palace had hundreds of them, that wasn’t too surprising. I thought about glancing over the paperwork Celestia had been working on, but I really couldn’t be bothered. I just hefted Athena’s book and went looking for Twilight’s room. Thankfully, I didn’t run into any panicking cowardly ponies.

When I got to Twilight’s room, I discovered that her door was open. As soon as I stepped inside, I had two warm mares hugging up on me. “I tried taking you with me, but the spell malfunctioned. Thank Celestia you’re safe!” Twilight said.

“Don’t thank that hoe,” I said. “Her bitch-ass fucking dipped, leaving me and Moonie alone against that thing.”

“...Celestia ran?” Twilight asked, pulling back.

“Fuck yeah she ran. Given that Discord decided to chase her, I bet that pussy’s still fucking running.”

“He’s chasing her?!”

“Yeah. That’s none of my business, though. Hell, not like any of us could do anything to stop him.” She hung her head, ears drooping at the reminder.

“You slapped her in the face!” Taya excitedly said. “Twice!”

“Yep.”

Twilight looked up again, blinking. “That’s right! You… you slapped Celestia!”

“Twice. You were there.”

“I was, but… I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes. Oh, the look on her face… I wish I had a camera, I really do.”

“Yeah, I kinda wish I just carried one around at times.” Oh, how I pine for the days when my clothes actually had pockets...

“You do realize she could have you imprisoned for life for assaulting a member of royalty, right?” Twilight asked.

“If she wanted to imprison me for life, she wouldn’t need a reason. She could just do it. As it is, she wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I know. That just makes it all the sweeter.”

“Yeah, the hate sex we used to have was incredible. I don’t think she’s interested anymore, though. I think I’ve pissed her off too much.”

“Good,” Taya sighed, snuggling against me tighter. “That means you have more time for me and Twilight!”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Twilight, do you have a bag or something I can keep this book in? It’s really fucking heavy.”

“I have several, actually.” She took it from me with magic and started rummaging around the large room. “I’m sure if you asked Rarity, she would be happy to make you one that matched any outfit you want.”

“Yeah, she’s a trooper,” I sarcastically replied. “I don’t plan on carrying this thing with me all the time, though.”

“It would be a great way for you to carry around other things you might need,” Twilight said. “Like a camera!”

“Or I could just wear more clothes with pockets. I’m getting sick of this bullshit girly crap. Pretending to like it is getting really old.”

“...Are you really sure about that, Nav?” Twilight asked, ceasing her search to look up at me. “It seems like you’re happy now. Maybe you’re just feeling really conflicted about what Flo may have done to your head. Perhaps you should stay the course until you enter the magical coma.”

“I’ll consider it while in Canterlot, but if I’m ever out of it or in disguise, the act is dropped.”

“...Well, if you want to leave in disguise, we can arrange that. I can turn you into a pony and Taya can turn you back when you get home.”

“Could you do a changeling?”

“I’m… ninety or so percent sure I can.”

“Ninety or so’s good enough for me,” I said with a shrug.

“On one condition, that is,” she said with a smile.

Oh boy, here we go. “And what condition is that?” I sighed.

“The three of us have a little date night tonight.”

“Um.”

“She accepts!” Taya immediately said. I opened my mouth to retort, but she used magic to close it. “See? No objections. Do it, Twilight!”

Twilight’s horn lit up and a purple aura covered Taya’s horn. The magic around my mouth disappeared. “It’s up to you, Navi.”

“That’s not much notice for a date night, Twiley.”

“Oh? Did you have other plans tonight?”

“Well I mean… no, but—”

“But yes or no, Navi?” she said, taking a step closer.

“Yes, but I can leave if it gets too bad. You two start getting too overbearing, I’m out faster than Celestia was.”

“Deal,” Twilight said with a smirk. She stepped in closer and used magic to force me down to kiss her. After a few seconds, her horn lit up and my body started to transform. Since I was turning into a changeling, I just envisioned myself as I was supposed to be so my clothes weren’t destroyed.

Surprisingly enough, it actually worked. When Twilight’s horn finally dimmed, she stepped back with a frown. “Did it not work?” she asked, looking positively orange.

“It worked just fine,” I replied. To prove it, I turned my hand into a lewd looking tentacle. She blushed and her aura turned bright red. “I just didn’t want to destroy my clothes.”

“Well, get on out of them,” Twilight said, grinning again.

I shrugged and turned into a snake. It took me a second to figure out how to move, but once I did, I slithered out of the clothing and started inching up Twilight’s leg. Her aura started changing all kinds of colors. When I finally got about eye level with her, I slicked my tongue out and smacked her in the nose with it. She flinched back, so I turned into a changeling right in her face. “Boo.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

Your words say no, but your aura is still bright pink. “Yeah, but you love it.”

She snorted. “...Well, I might, a little.”

“Hah, knew it. So where we going, Twiley?”

“Since you decided to be an icky changeling instead of a pretty pony, we can’t really go out for dinner. Well, unless you just pretend to eat…”

“You asked me out on a date and you didn’t even know where you want to go? Come on, Twiley.”

“It was a split-second decision, give me a break.”

“What about the Loveboat?” Taya asked with a grin.

“No,” Twilight and I both said at the same time. Taya sighed and rolled her eyes.

“How about donuts?” Twilight asked. “If you don’t feel like eating any, we can just say you’re watching your figure.”

“Fuck it, sure,” I said. “Shall we?”

“Show me your disguise, first,” she said. “I want to make sure I approve.”

It took me a moment to think of a body I could use. One finally clicked and I turned into Blackberry, Kat’s insane nurse during the Flankfurt festival. She was super cute and had probably never been to Canterlot.

“I… definitely don’t recognize you,” Twilight said. “Though that’s not to say I don’t approve.”

“Good. And count yourself lucky that I’m not gonna act like her, too. This bitch was completely dense and more hyper than Pinkie.”

“I bet you just can’t do it,” Twilight mockingly said.

“Yeah, you’re right. I can’t force myself to stoop that low. I still have some self-respect left.”

“For now,” Taya said, snuggling up against me. “Oooh, you’re so soft!”

“One of the perks of being a changeling,” I said, fluffing out my poofy hair. “I can make whatever modifications I want.”

“I like the voice, too,” Twilight said. “Now, shall we?”

“As soon as you find a bag for the book and my clothes, sure.”

“Oh… right.” She continued rummaging around for one that Athena’s book would actually fit into. Since she’s a complete nerd and had several book bags, it didn’t take her too long to find one. She placed Athena’s book into it and then teleported them and my clothes away. “That should put all of it on your bed,” she said.

“Neat. Let’s go. Hopefully you’re buying, because I left all my bits at home.”

“Well, you paid for the last date. I guess that does make it my turn.”

I guess one good thing about being a lesbian is that I only have to pay for half the dates. “Then lead the way.”

I didn’t let her actually walk in front of us, of course. That wouldn’t have been nearly as cute. Instead, I walked pressed up against her side. Taya walked pretty close to me, but not quite touching me. For whatever reason, all of us were smiling. We also generated smiles from several of the people we passed, which was marginally better than being stared at in wonder or fear.

The donut place she picked wasn’t too far from the palace. It was one I had passed a few times, but never actually entered. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Celestia made several orders from the place in secret, but I didn’t air my suspicions.

“Back in Canterlot again, Twilight?” the guy behind the counter asked as we walked in.

“For a few more days, then I’m heading out of town for another week or two,” she said as the three of us made our way to the counter. There were a few more ponies in the shop, but none of them really paid us much mind. “After that, I’ll probably be going back and forth between here and Ponyville fairly often.”

“It’s good to see the princess is keeping you busy. Do you like the travel?”

“It has its moments,” she said with a shrug. “But honestly, I prefer being settled. I also really prefer sleeping on a real bed.”

“You’re still traveling around with the hoo-man on his ship?” he asked.

“Her ship, and yes. If nothing else, at least the company is nice. The unicorns she has working for her are very knowledgeable, even if none of them come close to my strength. The rest of the crew is very colorful and staying entertained is always easy.”

“And what about Navarone, eh?” he asked, smirking. “Did you ever finally get closer to her?”

Twilight’s face lit up bright red. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You know, all those times you came in here, eating away your sorrow about how she never noticed you? Come now, Twiley, I gave you plenty of advice! Surely you remember.” Twilight seemed to grow more and more red with every word until I honestly thought she was going to teleport away in embarrassment. Taya and I were both grinning widely at her discomfort, of course.

“I… did ask her out,” she finally replied.

“Oooh, what did she say?” he asked.

“We’ve already been on one date,” Twilight said with a very small grin, though she was still blushing. “And we have one or two more planned.”

“Then you should bring her here!” he excitedly said. “I’ll make sure everything goes perfectly!”

“Well… I kinda did,” Twilight said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I just… well, used magic to turn her into a changeling first.”

“Um. Wait, what?”

“Nice to meet you,” I said with a huge grin. “My name is Lady Navarone. I really don’t like being stared at, so Twilight made me look normal.”

That made it his turn to blush like crazy. “O-oh… Um. Nice to… nice to meet you.”

“So… just how often did little Twiley here come in to pine over me?” I sweetly asked.

She kicked me and said, “Don’t answer that.”

“Got it,” he replied with a nod. “So what can I get you three?” I think he was anxious to get rid of us, at that point.

“Well, I’ve heard good things about the donuts,” I said. “Not that I can really eat them since I’m technically a changeling at the moment.”

“Why not get turned into a pony?” he asked. “Or does that spell not exist?”

“It does. I just don’t have a cutie mark, which makes me an oddity.”

“She’s also incredibly beautiful as a pony, which kinda stands out and attracts more stares,” Twilight said. “Besides, this means I get to be the pretty one!”

“I can fix that real quick,” I said, reaching a hoof up to toss my mane back. “Remember, I can be anybody.”

“You’re fine just the way you are,” Twilight replied. “Anyway, can we get half a dozen chocolate cherry donuts?”

“I’ll have ‘em right out,” he said with a nod. “Just sit anywhere you like.”

I wouldn’t mind sitting on Twilight’s face, but I guess that would be inapprops. Instead of doing the fun thing, we all piled into a booth. I expected Taya to sit next to me, but she sat across from me to force Twilight to nestle up against me. “So you came here to eat away your lust?” I asked, bumping up against Twiley.

She sighed and placed her head against the table. “I knew we should have gone somewhere else.”

“I think it’s cute, actually,” I said. “A cute little habit for a cute little mare. I wonder what else we’ll discover about you while we’re here…”

“Absolutely nothing,” she replied, sitting back up. “Because there’s absolutely nothing embarrassing left to discover!”

“Yeah, living with you for a few years taught me most of what I need to know,” I said with a shrug. “But it’s always amusing to learn more. I doubt I’ve discovered everything, though.”

“Well, I learned plenty of embarrassing stuff about you, too!”

“Like what?” Taya immediately asked.

“Since I am a good special somepony, I won’t air any details,” Twilight said with a grin.

“But I’m her daughter! It’s my duty to embarrass her in public!”

“Well when you put it like that…”

“I’m perfectly normal,” I hastily said. “Nothing embarrassing here. Besides, you’ve lived with me for about as long as Twilight has. You probably know just as much, if not more.”

“We’ll have to compare notes later, when she’s not around,” Taya said.

“Works for me,” Twilight said with a grin.

Sadists. “So what do you know about vampires?” I asked.

“Not much,” Twilight said. “Why do you ask?”

“I take it you haven’t been keeping up with the news?”

“I never do,” she replied with a shrug. “Why?”

“Remember how I mentioned a while back that a vampire got a good chunk of my blood?”

“...Kinda? I think I called you a liar, too.”

“Well, I wasn’t lying. Captain Midnight Blossom is a vampire.” Her eyebrows lifted. “She came out to me some time ago, but asked that I keep it a secret. Well, Fleur found out about it and the two of us convinced her to come out to Celestia. As soon as she did, Fleur put it in the newspapers, so now all of Canterlot knows.”

“I… I don’t believe it!”

“Are you calling me a liar?”

“Well… no, but—”

“Good, then you believe it. Point is, a lot of the ponies are wary of her, despite how adorable she is. I was wondering if you could take some time to interview her and write a book about her.”

“I dunno, Nav… Isn’t she dangerous?”

“Of course she is. But she’s the captain of the guard and Celestia knows about her condition. If she had any chance of hurting someone, she wouldn’t be where she is. I trust her, enough to let her drink some of my blood a few times. Now that her secret is out, she’s been using her powers more freely, but she’s still worried that some ponies might not trust her because of what she is. I told her you might be able write a book or something to help assuage those fears.”

“Hm… I have quite a lot on my hooves already, but I’ll definitely consider it. I’ve never really thought about studying a vampony before, but it would be a good opportunity to learn more about the undead and possibly necromancy.”

“Cool beans. You can hopefully meet her at the house party, whenever it happens.”

“You’re having a party?” Twilight asked.

“To celebrate my new house. Fleur thinks it’ll help my reputation. She’s planning it, though I don’t know when she’s doing it, yet.”

“Does Pinkie know?”

“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug.

“Huh. Well, just let me know when and I’ll be there. After all, someone has to be your date!”

“I’m afraid that position will likely already be taken,” I said. “Fleur’s gonna want some kind of payment for planning the thing. That’ll probably be it.” Taya and Twilight shared a look. “And don’t either of you think about sabotaging it, either.”

“Why mommy, I would never do that!” Taya innocently said.

“I just want you to be happy,” Twilight said with a shrug. “Either way, you’ll be a dear friend to me.”

“Then you’re in charge of making sure Taya doesn’t do anything fucktarded that night.”

“Got it,” she said, nodding. Taya just smirked and I had a feeling she was going to try her luck. Before I could tell her not to think about it, the dude finally brought us the donuts. He and Twilight said some pointless bullshit before he fucked back off.

The donuts looked fucking baller as shit. They were made of chocolate bread and covered in chocolate icing. Unfortunately, I knew they would be completely tasteless to me. I watched with only a little regret as Twilight and my daughter devoured them one by one.

Honestly, I preferred watching Fleur eat infinite donuts in her dream. Especially since she also sucked me off. Still, it was always nice to see Taya enjoying something other than torturing me. Though since she was smirking at me as she was eating all the donuts with Twilight, I think she also knew I wanted some of those fucking donuts.

When they had both gorged themselves and the plate was empty, Twilight leaned against me and sighed in pleasure. “That was amazing.”

“Yeah, it certainly looked it,” I said. “In fact…” I checked out her aura and grinned at what I saw, then started feeding on her. She squeaked in surprise and almost pulled away, but sighed again after a moment and relaxed.

“That isn’t so bad, actually,” she said.

“Just one more way that you’re better than your brother,” I said, wrapping a leg around her. “Cuter, better in bed, smarter, princess’s protege, better at magic, prettier partner, more friends, and better at getting your emotions eaten.”

“Oh, hush,” she said with a giggle. “He’s married and he has a beautiful little filly!”

“And do you envy him for that?” I whispered, nipping at her ear.

“W-well… I never really imagined myself having foals… But every little filly wants to find a perfect special somepony to marry.”

“I never really much saw the point in marriage, but I’d be down if it’s what my partner really wanted,” I said. “But I’d have to be really certain about it before going in. I don’t like breaking vows.”

“Good to know. He’s also a prince. I don’t think I’ll be able to one-up that one any time soon.”

“The future’s a crazy thing,” I said, shrugging. “You never know what might happen.”

“If I ever become a princess, I think my first order of business will be naming you my official consort,” she said. “That way, everyone will know just who you belong to.”

“Where do I vote?” Taya asked. “Twilight for princess!”

“Might want to be careful about that treason, honey,” I said. “Celestia has ears all over the place.”

“I’m sure Discord turned them all into potatos or something by now,” she said, waving a hoof.

“I’d vote for Twilight over a potato-eared Celestia any day. Though I’d also vote for Twilight against regular Celestia any day. Hey, maybe next time Celestia gets turned into a baby, we can put Twilight on the throne instead of me.”

“I don’t think I’d want to be the princess,” she said. “Maybe a princess, though. Not that it matters, since it’ll never happen.”

“That’s just pessimistic,” I said, rubbing at her belly with my hoof. “Anyway, are you two ready to walk that sugar off?”

“I’m actually really tired,” Twilight said. “I had to use enough magic earlier to break through the three protection spells the mages put on us, on top of the magical resistance the tower has to teleporting. I haven’t quite recovered yet.”

“I’m sure you’d recover a lot faster on mommy’s bed!” Taya quickly replied. “It’s huge and comfy!”

Wow. Never thought I’d hear my daughter propositioning a mare for me.

“Well, I did want to try it out,” Twilight slowly said. “I think a sleepover might be fun!”

Not that we’re gonna be doing much sleeping. “You wanna head back?” I asked. “I can rub your belly just as well at home.” Or better, since I can give myself hands without freaking everyone out.

She sighed. “I suppose it’s time to head back into the cold. Let me just settle the tab.” She slid out of the booth, leaving me with Taya.

“You’re welcome, mommy,” she snarkily said.

“I’m not gonna tell you to eat a dick because you’re my daughter,” I said. “But if you weren’t, you better believe that’s what I’d be saying right now.”

“I love you, too.”

“After what I did for you today, you better. Hopefully, Celestia won’t forget it.”

She giggled. “You’re so funny, mommy. But I don’t know why you got so mad about it. I mean, I’m really happy that you told her to stay away, but I don’t see why you bothered.”

“Celestia is like a parasite. Spend enough time around her and she’ll get in your head and make you think whatever she wants you to think and do whatever she wants you to do. I know you’re not stupid, but she’s really good at it. She had me wrapped around her hoof for years, and I even knew that she was doing it. I’m not going to put you at risk.”

“It’s not like I ever would have actually trusted her! Not after all she’s done to you.”

“Even the biggest monsters can seem like rational, normal people when you get to know them. That’s why I put up with Celestia’s bullshit for so long. And she’s great at making the horrible shit she does seem normal, or rationalizing it. She had Twilight eating out of her hoof until I made her look at what a monster Celestia is. It wouldn’t be hard for her to get you to the same point, even if you might think otherwise now. Best not to even give her the opportunity.”

“You should trust me more. I would never believe what she says! Also, Twilight is staring at you now.”

I turned around and found that, sure enough, Twilight was standing fairly close and staring at me with a blank expression on her face. I wonder how much of that she overheard. “Ready to go?” I asked.

“Thank you, Nav. I would have been Celestia’s pawn for the rest of my life if you hadn’t taught me to ask the right question.”

“You’re welcome. Shall we?”

“Yes.”

And so we did, right up until we got out of the donut place. “So which way is home?” I asked.

“You don’t know how to get to your house?” Twilight slowly asked.

“Not from here. I usually fly.”

She rolled her eyes, then closed them. A moment later, her horn lit up and a purple beam shot up into the sky. A moment later, it seemed to pulse and I saw a purple aura begin spreading out from the top of the beam. She shivered and lifted a hoof to head. “Oooh, that spell is a weird one…”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“That was one of the adventurer spells I decided to learn after a few months on the ship, one that Sentinel taught me. It allows the unicorn to have a bird’s eye view of everything from directly above you. There are a few different versions of it that will let you see things like heat signatures and magical auras, but I just cast the basic version. The distance it showed me wasn’t enough to see your house, but I know enough about where we are now to get us there.”

“Sounds pretty neat,” I said. “Lead the way.”

Once again, I didn’t actually let her lead the way. Instead, I pressed myself back up against her and marveled at the feeling of our furry bodies rubbing against each other. Despite hating being a mare, it had a few minor upsides here and there.

Instead of walking next to me, Taya was actually happily skipping behind the two of us. She even stopped to smell a few of the flowers we passed, not that too many of them were able to poke out of the snow. Honestly, it was super fucking adorable and made me smile even more.

The sun was starting to go down by the time we got back to my house. I was feeling pretty tired and I knew Taya needed to get to bed soon, what with her tests. Thankfully, the doors weren’t locked. Taya led the way in, since she was the only one who looked like she actually lived there.

“Good evening, my lady,” the guard on duty said with a small bow toward Taya. “Would you happen to know where your mother is? She has two guests.”

“I’m right here,” I said. “I’m just a changeling again.”

“...Only you, my lady,” he said, shaking his head in wonder. “Queen… Moonbeam and Lady Fleur de Lis are here to see you. We told them we weren’t sure where you were or if you would be back, but they seemed happy to wait in the sun room.”

Oh boy. At the mention of their names, Twilight pressed against me even more and her smile seemed to become slightly strained. “Did they say what they needed?” I asked.

“Lady Fleur would like to discuss the party,” he replied. “Queen Moonbeam did not say.”

“Then I guess I’ll go find out,” I sighed. “You’re both free to head upstairs.”

“I think I’ll stay with you,” Twilight hastily replied.

“Not me,” my daughter said with a yawn. Her horn lit up and she vanished with a pop. I sighed again and led Twilight to the sun room, turning back into a changeling as I went.

Moonbeam and Fleur were staring out into the backyard, talking about the coming competition. They looked up when they heard us walking in. Moonbeam smiled. “Took you long enough, Nav. And I see you’re back in a changeling body.”

“It has advantages,” I said, shrugging. “It’s me, Fleur. Just me in a slightly blacker body.”

“I… see,” she said, looking me up and down. “You’re definitely quite striking.”

“So I’ve heard,” I sarcastically replied. Twilight and I finally got to the table, so I carefully took a seat. Twilight pulled a chair right up next to me and sat so close that she could lean on me. Fleur’s lips pursed and Moonie’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Sorry to keep you both waiting. What did you need?”

Since a queen is slightly more important than a lady, Moonbeam went first. “I came to inform you of a few things. First, Celestia is not pleased with you at the moment. Getting slapped around put her in a very foul mood, as did her inability to teach you a lesson without Discord getting involved.” That made Fleur gasp, of course. “Second, Discord didn’t do anything to her this time, but only because she somehow managed to outrun him. He was apparently threatening to hold her down and tickle her into submission. Third, I will be returning to the hive in two days and will likely not return for some time. I took the liberty of placing a magic mirror in your room that will allow you to communicate with me, should you ever desire it.”

That seemed to be all she had to say, so I nodded. “Awesome. Thanks, Moonie.”

“Do not think that I am not keeping count, Navarone. You are going to pay for every use of that name.”

“Pay how?” Twilight asked.

“By bringing her close to release, only to deny it to her,” Moonbeam replied. Twilight’s ears began twitching. “She gets very pouty and stays blushed for hours afterwards. I highly recommend it.”

It took Twiley a few moments to reply, but when she did, it was with a dirty smirk. “I think I might start doing that, actually. It seems like a very amusing way to punish her!”

I sighed and looked out to the cliff. “Do you think a fall from this height would be lethal?” I asked.

“I think I would teleport you back in a heartbeat,” Twilight replied. “And then drag you up to your room for your punishment!”

“You’ll have to let me know how it goes,” Fleur said with her own smirk. “If it’s really that effective, I might have to start doing it, too!”

Oh yeah, it definitely sounds like time to kill myself. Instead of doing the world a favor, I looked at Fleur and asked, “What did you need?”

Thankfully, they let me change the subject. “I wanted to discuss your party,” she said. “I believe tomorrow night would be a grand time.”

“Isn’t that really short notice?” Twilight asked. “Will you even have time to send out invitations?”

“This is going to be a small event,” Fleur said. “We’ll use the excuse that Nav is currently lacking in house staff to avoid a larger one. I will likely only invite ten or so ponies, not including Queen Moonbeam. Getting the invitations to them will be no issue and none would dare refuse, given the host. Most have already been informed and have guaranteed me they will have no conflicting plans.”

“What should I do about food?” I asked. “And decorations? And music?”

“Music will not be necessary,” she said. “I recommend light snack food and simple decorations. Preferably flowers and other pleasant nature-themed things. This is the debut of the new you. I shall take you to have you measured for a new gown in the morning. It’s important that we begin accommodating for your tail now, so it won’t bother anypony.”

“I’ve been rethinking that whole thing, actually,” I said. “I really don’t like being super feminine. Like, it sucks hella hard. I mean, I’ve come to accept that I’m a woman and everything, but that doesn’t mean that I have to start acting all girly and shit. Hell, look at Blossom. She’s a badass chick that don’t take shit from no one. Why can’t I go back to being like that, with some minor feminine twists?”

“...I understand that this is requiring some adjustments, but—”

“I don’t think you’re listening, Fleur,” I said. “I really don’t like this. It’s not anything about taking time to adjust or whatever. I just straight up don’t like doing it. And, even more than that, I really don’t like people ignoring me when I say that I don’t fucking like it.”

“...I see.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful that you’re trying to do what you think is best for me. And I’m still going to compete in the Miss Universe thing. But I think I should do it my way, not the most feminine way possible. And I’m fine with being prettified every now and then for big events, but this everyday pretty-party bullshit is awful and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of lying to everyone and to myself. If I’m going to repair my reputation, I’m going to do it by not being an asshole anymore. After all, you can spend all day dressing up a turd, but at the end of the day, it’s still a piece of shit.”

“That is a very… interesting way to put it,” Moonbeam said.

“My grandfather had some interesting sayings,” I replied. “Most of them were vulgar in some way, which probably explains why half the words that come out of my mouth are bad ones. Point is, all this prettification bullshit is getting on my last nerve, and it hasn’t even been a week yet.”

Fleur sighed and said, “I told you before that your friends would support you, Nav. I truly believe that showing off your femininity would be the best way to improve things.”

“What femininity is that?” I asked. “Because aside from the vagina and the tits, there isn’t really much of that to go around. You can say whatever you like, but I think we all know I’m about as masculine as they come. It’s in the way I talk and the way I walk, it’s how I act and how I solve problems. I do plan to make adjustments, but I see no reason to do a complete one-eighty.”

“We talked about this, Nav,” Twilight said. “Once I cast that spell on you, this will be a nonissue.”

“What spell is that?” Fleur asked.

“One that isn’t important,” I said.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’ll let her discover who she truly is, discounting any unwilling changes done to her mind. Basically, once she goes through it, she’ll finally be certain she is who she wants to be.”

“That sounds… amazing,” Fleur said. “How would one go about having this spell cast upon them?”

“It comes with risks,” Twilight said. “Major risks. It’s possible that you could be in a coma indefinitely. We’re going to take steps to ensure that doesn’t happen with Nav, but it’s still not a spell that I would cast on just anybody. In truth, I recommended against it.”

“I understand why,” Moonie said. “I recognize that spell. Not many would dare risk it. But then, you always did seem to enjoy taking risks.”

“You ain’t never gonna get nowhere in life if you won’t throw the dice once in a while,” I said with a shrug. “Another one of my grandfather’s sayings. He uh… kinda had a gambling problem, though.”

“I think I would have enjoyed meeting your grandfather,” Moonbeam said. “He sounds like quite an interesting character.”

“Well, he probably would have chased you around with a boot. He hated bugs and he was super racist. Or he might woulda just put a bullet in you, since he always carried around a huge revolver.”

“While I am very eager to see if your vaunted guns are as powerful as magic, I think I would prefer not doing it with one that is pointed at me.”

“I used my pneumatic rifle to take down Pertz,” I said. “He blocked the first nine rounds, but the tenth got him good. I’d say one of those rounds probably has a tenth of the power of an actual bullet, so I probably could have killed him with two shots. If you want to test it with a primitive gun, I actually built a shitty pistol a while back.”

“You did what?!” Twilight asked, grabbing me with one of her hooves. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because your nose was so far up Celestia’s ass at the time that you were tasting her cake before she did.” Though that excuse kinda loses its merit when you take into account the time I threatened to blow Celestia’s brains out with it.

“...Oh.”

“I take it that was another of your grandfather’s sayings?” Moonie asked with a cute little smirk.

“Grandmother, actually. Anyway, the thing was so shitty that I kinda forgot about it. I’m pretty sure I left it locked up in the chest I told Lyra to never open. I can get it the next time I head back to Ponyville.”

“...Will you show me how it works?” Twiggles asked.

“I dunno, maybe? We’ll talk about it later. Now, we’ve gotten way the fuck off topic. Let’s get back to the party.”

“Right,” Fleur said with a nod. “If you choose not to wear the beautiful gown I was going to go out of my way to help you obtain, we’ll have to find something else. Would you accept a white sundress?”

“I mean… I’d prefer not, but I know I have to make some allowances. If my shitty tail doesn’t make the damn thing ride up too much, I’ll accept it.”

“Excellent. Oh, and the flower crown, of course. White on white will make the guests think of snow, which will help with your nature theme. Now, there’s just one more thing, the matter of your date…”

“I take it you have someone in mind?” I pointlessly asked.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” she replied.

“And just who might that be?” I sighed.

Of course, all three of them spoke up with, “Me.”

It suddenly felt like the temperature dropped a few degrees. The three of them seemed to be having a strange, three-way staring contest. Don’t make any sudden movements. They can smell fear.

Unfortunately, instead of debating the matter among themselves, they all seemed to come to a silent consensus and turned their gazes upon me. “So it seems there’s a… difference in opinion,” I slowly said.

“It seems there is,” Moonbeam replied.

“So… Should I go ahead and throw myself off the mountain now, or what?”

“I think you should make a choice,” Twilight said.

“Oh, that’s much easier. Fleur’s setting this thing up for me, so she’s it.” Twilight sighed, Moonbeam pursed her lips, and Fleur smiled. “I mean, I think that’s fair.”

“Of course it’s fair,” Fleur said. “Though I think a few dates might be even better. After all, I am taking quite a lot of time to help you!”

“Don’t push it,” I said. I would have shaken a finger at her, but I didn’t have any and I didn’t feel like making them. “But we can talk about that later. Now, what time is the party tomorrow?”

“Midafternoon, around three,” she replied. “That should allow your staff to prepare what they need.”

“Cool. What time are you going to get here?”

She blinked. “I was actually hoping to stay the night. It’s quite cold out and I would hate to walk home all alone… After all, I’m sure there’s plenty of room on that large bed of yours!”

Twilight very suddenly and uncomfortably wrapped a hoof around one of my legs and jerked me closer. “She already has plans.”

“Plans are quite easy to change,” Fleur said, reaching a hoof over to caress my other foreleg.

“Oh, is that so?” Twilight asked, an edge coming to her voice.

“It is, yes,” Fleur succulently replied. “After all, I think we both know who Nav would prefer. I know how to make her feel like a true mare!”

“I think we just established that isn’t what she wants at all, actually.”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy to change her mind for the night…” Fleur finally grabbed the leg closer to her with magic and gently tugged. Twilight’s grip didn’t lessen at all.

Moonbeam actually chuckled, which made both of them relax their grips and look at her. “Twilight, you do yourself a disservice,” she said. “Celestia told me all about your friendship reports. Are you telling me that you never learned to share?”

“W-what?!”

I suddenly teleported across the table and found myself held up next to Moonie. “We are going upstairs. The two of you may join us if you would like.”

“Um. Do I get a say in this?” I asked.

“Of course,” Moonie said.

“Oh. Good. We’re going upstairs. The two of you can come along if you want.”

Moonbeam nodded smartly and finally started carrying me to the door. I was able to see Fleur and Twilight share a look. Fleur finally shrugged and stood to follow us. Twilight took a deep breath before standing up and joining her.

I don’t know if this is going to be really horrifying or the best night ever. Either way, it’s gonna be one hell of a story to tell.

After one hell of a night, I woke up covered in mares. God dammit, this always happens when I forget to turn my swag off. I waited for an internal blow that never came, which was just another reminder that I no longer had an elemental in me.

Once I had a moment to take stock, I realized that Twilight was holding onto me from the right, Fleur was holding onto me from the left, and Moonbeam was actually lying on top of me.

A good chunk of my body was either sore or felt asleep. Not one of them had been gentle and all three of them seemed to be doing their best to outcompete the others. It was absolutely fun at the time, but I knew while it was happening that I’d regret it.

I tried to reclaim my forelegs, but they were both held in deathgrips. That left me with one option, one that I was loath to use. That said, I really needed to get Taya to her classes. She could definitely walk herself there, but I wasn’t going to make her do that on her first day.

She could walk herself back, though.

When I gave up trying to extricate myself from the pile of mares, I sighed and turned into a mouse. Fleur twitched at the sound and the sudden flash of light, but apparently the other two were heavier sleepers. I squeezed out from under Moonie and scampered out of the pile to run over to the bathroom, where I transformed back into my original body. That done, I closed the door and got a bath going.

It took a while to fill up since it was fuckhuge, but I gave up waiting shortly after the water started and just got in, letting it slowly fill up around me. The wait was tortuous, but well worth it. The steaming hot water seemed to just evaporate the aches and pains. A part of me wondered where I could find epsom salts, but the rest of me was just enjoying it as it was.

Shortly after I started soaking, Fleur tip-hooved into the bathroom. She relaxed slightly when she saw me. “Good morning, Navi,” she said with her normal grin. It looked somewhat out of place with the rest of her disheveled appearance, but she honestly wore it well.

“It might be good for you three, but I’m all kinds of sore,” I said.

“You certainly weren’t complaining at the time.”

“Well, my mouth was busy. Speaking of which, even my jaw aches.”

“Yes, the variety and intensity of aches one can gather from such activities are truly impressive. Would you mind if I joined you?”

“By all means,” I replied, waving a hand at the water.

She gracefully dipped into the tub and slid over to where I was so she could sit next to me. As soon as she was seated, she leaned up against me with a sigh and used magic to drape one of my arms around her. “This is one of the few things I miss about living with Fancy. My tub is incredibly lacklustre in comparison.”

“Yeah, it’s been really nice. I hate that all the fur is gonna clog it up, though.”

“One of the joys of magic is how easy such messes are to clean. Why, it means we could spend as long as we’d like in here!”

“Unfortunately, I don’t have as long as I’d like. I got some parental duties to take care of this morning. It’s Taya’s first day at magic school.”

“That is unfortunate, but definitely understandable. If you would like, I could walk with the two of you and then we could go get you fitted for your new dress. Such a simple garment shouldn’t take long. Then when we get back, we can begin whipping your crew into shape!”

“Sounds good to me. I know one of the guards is a cook. She’d probably be happy to help. Doppel’s supposedly working on her decorating skills, so she might be useful. The blacksmith’s assistant knows a lot about nobles and shit, so he might be able to deliver invitations.”

“A blacksmith’s apprentice that knows about nobles?”

“Sunshine Smiles, only son of the owners of a very large hotel. He’s also ex-royal guard.”

“Those are strange career choices for one born to wealth.”

“He’s a strange pony. Anyway, we should have all the bases covered.”

“Excellent. Once you hire additional help, we can host much larger parties. I’m afraid they’ll have to stay small until then.”

“Dude, I hate parties. I’m only doing this because it’s expected. I don’t really plan to host any more.”

“...I see.”

“This may be a surprise to you, but I’m a boring homebody. The only reason I seem interesting at all is because I’m the only human here and Discord is torturing me by making bad shit happen all the time. Normally, I would refuse to even go to a party, let alone host one.”

“You know, you seemed to enjoy yourself at my husband’s coming out party…”

“One of the few things that makes going to parties worthwhile is going with good company.”

“Well, for the first time in what may be a long time, you’ve found yourself surrounded by good company. Perhaps, if you let yourself, you could come to enjoy parties. I would ask that you go into today’s party looking to have fun, not expecting it to be miserable. I would be delighted if my date enjoyed herself as much as I know I’ll enjoy myself.”

“‘Kay.”

She waited for more, but I didn’t have anything else to add. She finally nuzzled me and said, “Good.” With that, she leaned up for a kiss and managed to connect it on my lips right as the bathroom door opened. I tried looking up to see who was coming in, but Fleur lifted a hoof to my face to hold me steady until she was done.

When she finally pulled back, she was wearing a smirk. We both turned to look at the intruder together. It was Twilight. For some reason, she seemed slightly miffed. “I see you two are wide-awake already,” she testily said.

“The early pony gets the crispest hay,” Fleur sweetly replied, snuggling tighter up against me. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah, a bath,” she replied, walking over. She slid in without another word and sidled up to my other side to cuddle against me as well. “Much, much better.”

“I believe it’s rude to invite yourself into a host’s bathtub.”

“I don’t think our host minds. Do you, Navi?”

“We’ve shared a lot more than a bath,” I replied with a shrug. “It don’t hardly hurt my feelings none. I could definitely do without the passive aggressive pettiness from both of you, though.”

“I’m afraid I haven’t the slightest idea of what you’re talking about,” Fleur hastily replied.

“Sometimes a mare just needs to claim what belongs to her,” Twilight said, reaching a hoof down between my legs.

“Oh, is that how it’s gonna be?” Fleur asked, leaning around me to glare at her.

“I think all three of us know exactly how it is, actually.”

“Is that so?!”

“Well, Navarone once told me something very important. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. And look who currently possesses it.” To punctuate that, she slowly stroked my dick.

In response, Fleur grabbed that hoof and threw it off. “You keep your dirty hooves off—”

“Ahem.” All three of us looked up to see Moonbeam entering. “I see your toys have begun their squabbling, pet.” As she walked closer to the bath, her body morphed into a very sexy human one. “Thankfully, they left me the best seat in the house.” When she got into the bath, she seductively walked forward and sat in my lap, wrapping herself around me and kissing me deeply. It sounded like Fleur and Twilight were both growling.

“Who are you calling a toy?” Fleur finally asked.

“And what do you mean your pet?!” Twilight added.

Moonbeam was still busy playing with my tongue, so she dithered about on answering. When she finally had her fill, she pulled back with a grin. “The two of you are her toys, of course. Our dear Navarone may play with you as much as she wants, but she knows very much that she is my pet, and she may only play with her toys because I allow it.”

As amusing as it was getting, I knew I kinda needed to put a stop to it before shit got out of hand. “Now, I’m sure every guy has always dreamed of three very sexy women fighting for him. But I gotta say, I’m not much a fan. So, point one, can we please keep this civil? And point two, can we please stop calling me property?”

“What about pet?” Moonie quickly asked.

“I’m okay with that, as long as you’re doing it endearingly and you don’t actually think of me as a pet.”

“Oh. That might be an issue…”

“God dammit, Moonie.”

“I was only joking!” Twilight said, jerking my arm toward her.

“And I never said it at all,” Fleur whispered, before tickling my ear with her tongue.

“And I think you secretly like it,” Moonbeam said, leaning in to kiss me again. One of the two unicorns pushed her back with magic. “Oh, you two are no fun!”

“Actually, being owned is no fun,” I replied. “Or treated like a pet.”

“Tch, how would you know? It’s not like you’ve ever tried it!”

“I have, actually,” I coldly replied. “It was not fun.”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah. There’s a reason I made those two points.”

“I see. Well. I shall return for the party.” Moonbeam actually teleported away. The space she had been in instantly filled in with water, sending it splashing everywhere.

“So I guess she didn’t know about Kat or Trixie, huh?” Twilight asked.

“I guess not,” I slowly replied.

“What about Katrina?” Fleur asked.

“I met her the first time I went to Egypt, when she turned me into a sex pet and brutally raped me every night for a week,” I said with a shrug.

“She… she…”

“Yeah.”

She stared at me for several very long seconds before quietly saying, “I was also not aware of that.”

“It’s not exactly something I openly advertise.”

“It took her a while to even tell me,” Twilight sighed.

“You have had many unpleasant experiences in life, Nav,” Fleur said, patting my arm. “But now that I’m at your side, I’m going to show you that it isn’t all bad!”

“Well, I finally got her to thank me for showing her that friendship is magic,” Twilight said with a smirk.

“You can’t prove that,” I immediately replied.

“You can deny it all you want, but we both know the truth!”

“I believe it,” Fleur said. “She’s told me all manner of cute things here and there, too.”

“Ooh, did she tell you about the time I turned her into a mare and had a dragon rub her belly?”

“She didn’t! You simply must share!”

“Ahem,” I quickly said.

“Hush, Nav,” Twilight shot back. “Mares are gossiping!”

“That’s why I’m ahemming,” I said. “Some of us actually got into this bath to get clean. I still need to make sure Taya gets up in time for magic school.”

“Oh. Then I guess I should stop procrastinating, huh?”

“...Procrastinating?” I asked.

Twilight looked at Fleur and smirked. “There’s one thing I can do that I know you can’t.”

“And what is that, little missy?” Fleur replied.

“Breathe underwater.” Before either of us could ask why that was relevant, she slipped between my legs and slid down to position herself perfectly.

“Oh my,” Fleur said, lifting a hoof to her mouth.

I can’t decide if I’m living the life or if this is some kind of eternal punishment for something.

As Twilight finally got started, I came to the conclusion that punishments weren’t always bad.

When we were finally done with the bath, Twilight gave me a goodbye kiss before teleporting out to get back to her research, though she also promised to come back in time for the party. Fleur went downstairs to get food. I transformed into my shitty fucked up body so I could get dressed.

Once I was clothed, I took a moment to mourn my penis again before walking next door to Taya’s room. She didn’t answer when I knocked. I sighed, gave her about half a minute, knocked again, then opened the door. She wasn’t on her bed, but I heard her shower running. That was good enough for me, so I closed her door.

As soon as I put a foot on the railing to jump down, I heard Doppel shout up, “Don’t even think about it!”

“I was just stretching!” I called back.

“Good! You’ve got a lot of stairs to go down and you need to be ready.”

God dammit. Fucking head of household, my ass. That bitch doesn’t do anything but stare at the fourth floor all day, just waiting. I need to get her some employees to micromanage.

Sulking and thinking mean thoughts didn’t get me downstairs any faster. Sighing and walking to the stairs helped, though. When I got to the bottom, I found a smiling Doppel waiting on me. It looked like she had found a new maid dress. This one wasn’t fetishistic at all and it seemed to actually be built for utilitarian purposes. Oddly enough, the colors were green and white. “Isn’t it good to get your exercise in early, my lady?” she sweetly asked.

“You’re such a bully.”

“I live to serve,” she replied with a curtsy. “How do you feel about my new dress?”

“I’m not gonna say it’s an improvement to the last one, but I think it’s much better for running a household. I approve. Kind of a strange color scheme, though. Was it on sale?”

She giggled and picked at it. “I decided to use earthy colors for the staff outfits, to fit your role as Lady of Nature. Mares will wear green and white. Stallions will wear green and brown.”

“Speaking of which, I’m going away pretty soon. First to Gryphus and then to the middle of Equestria. While I’m gone, I want you to look for anyone who might be interested in working for me. If you find someone, hire them on a probationary period until I get back and can meet them. I doubt I’ll have any issues with anyone you find, so that’s mostly as a formality.”

“You got it, my lady!”

“So are you going with that now instead of mistress?”

“Queen Chrysalis made you my mistress. You made yourself my lady. And I’m following you now, not her.” Her grin grew even more. “After all, I’m your excellent head of household!”

“That you are,” I said. “And tonight’s gonna be your chance to prove it to everyone. We’re hosting a party. Nothing too large, but the ponies here are going to be very important.”

“Fleur spent some time briefing me last night,” she said with a nod. “I know just what to do!”

“Walk me through it, because I have no fucking clue.”

“What would you do without me, my lady?”

“I ask myself that every day.” Well, every so often, anyway.

“Scoria and Grey are out getting foodstuffs now. When they get back, she’ll begin preparing them. Gloomy is out with Phantom getting everything she needs to decorate everything. Apparently she’s really into that.”

“Watch her,” I said. “No one in her squad is all there, if you get me.”

“Trust me, I know. Nobody could be that happy all the time.” Not unless they’re super manic. There’s something wrong with that mare, I swear. “Black Fate is working on invitations now. Apparently he used to forge documents for the princess, so he’s really good at making paperwork look official. There are several delivery services in town we can drop them off at.”

“See if Smiles can help with that, if he’s not doing anything else. He knows a lot about nobles and might be able to save some time by handing the invites out himself.”

“You got it. The rest of the guards are polishing their armor. Once they’re done with that, they’ll begin deep cleaning the house, starting with the sun room. Gloomy will follow behind them with decorations. If everything goes well, we should be prepared with plenty of time to spare.”

“Good. What about Kat and Spike?”

“I believe Watcher said that Spike was visiting friends in Ponyville. At the moment, Kat, Spider, and Silver are out looking for books. They’re going to stop by a library and see if they can all get registered for cards, as well.”

“Huh. Well, whatevs. Anything else I need to know?”

“Nope! Are you gonna be around today?”

“Taya just signed up for a magic school. I’m going to walk her to her classes, then Fleur and I are going to do some stupid fashion bullshit.”

Before I could continue, Fleur yelled at us from the other room. “It’s not stupid or bullshit, Navi!”

“Fine. Fleur and I are going to go do some fashion.” The peanut gallery remained silent, thankfully. “I plan to get back in time to help with preparations.”

“...No you won’t,” Doppel replied.

“Fashion stuff might take a while, but it won’t take that long.”

“Oh, no, you misunderstood me. It doesn’t matter how long you’re gone. You just aren’t allowed to help.”

“Huh. Did we go to some weird reverso-world where you’re the lady and I’m the servant? I must not have noticed.”

“No, we’re still in the right world,” she replied. “Which is precisely why you aren’t going to lower yourself to servant work. You are our noble lady. You simply… can’t be seen doing menial housework!”

“You know what, I find that really insulting.” She opened her mouth to reply, but I kept going because apparently that was my noble privilege. “But I’m not going to bitch about it, because I really didn’t want to help anyway and was going to spend more time complaining about it than actually being useful. So thank you, Doppel.”

“I live to serve,” she said with another curtsy.

“Then I can only think of one more thing. Queen Moonbeam is going to be at this party as well. Is that going to be a problem?”

“...It won’t be a problem for me,” she slowly replied. “As long as she doesn’t try to make it a problem, that is.”

“If she pushes you at all, you come to me immediately,” I said. “I’m not having that shit in my house.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“You don’t have to. This lady-servant relationship goes both ways, Doppel. You take care of me, I take care of you. If Chrysalis starts digging at you, let me know and I’ll handle it.”

She stared up at me for a few long seconds before darting forward and hugging me. I’m pretty sure she knew it was super inappropriate, because it didn’t last long before she pulled away. “As you command, my lady,” she happily replied.

“Actually, one more thing. Do you know where Zecora is?”

“I don’t, but Watcher probably does. What do you need her for?”

“I need to see if she can contact the god of death so I can make a bargain with him to give me a soul so the literal antithesis of creation can’t treat me like a puppet anymore.”

“Oh. Well, let me know if you need my help!”

“Will do. Keep up the good work.” She curtsied a third time and I finally went into the sun room.

Jak was at one table, sipping at a cup of tea and occasionally munching on a large piece of toast. Fleur was sitting at another table, sending the occasional furtive glance toward the large minotaur. Either she wasn’t hungry or she had already finished eating, but she did have her own cup of tea. The room was empty aside from the two of them.

I knew Jak didn’t need my company, so I walked over and sat next to Fleur. “Taya’s up and in the shower already. She should be down shortly. You know, I already have plenty of white dresses, some of which have already been modified. We really don’t need to get another.”

The little smirk she had on her face told me that she disagreed. “A lady may never possess too many outfits, my friend. And whether you try to deny your femininity or not, you are still very much a lady. Having many different outfits showcases several things. First, it shows that you are not afraid to use your money, which displays your wealth. Second, it shows that you know what is fashionable, which shows how much you pay attention to the outside world. Third, outfits can be used to make statements of all types. You can use them to show how important you believe an event to be, for example, or how much you care about the person who hosts it. I can go on and on about the importances of having more outfits, but I believe I’ve made my point. You may not like this world of nobility in which you have been placed, but you must remember that you have been placed here. Molding with the flow and acting as the other nobles will increase your power and influence. The more friendly you are, the more friends you will have. The more friends you have, the larger your influence. The larger your influence, the more sway you hold. And should certain events ever come to pass, the sway of the pendulum of power must be solely on your side. If you do not act the part and play the game of power properly, you could risk losing everything, even if you somehow succeed against Discord.”

“...I am very glad you are on my side, Fleur.”

She reached over and placed a hoof on one of my hands. “So am I, my dear Navi.” She actually leaned in for a kiss, so I grinned and met it.

A few seconds into it, we heard a loud clatter at the table. We both jerked away and looked over at the disturbance, which happened to be Taya dropping a plate onto it. She… had a very unhappy look on her face. “Hello, mommy,” she darkly said.

“Good morning, Taya,” I said with a smile. I’m pretty sure she didn’t agree with that ‘good’ part. “Sleep well?”

“No. Nightmares.”

“I think I would have remembered that,” I said. “You know I always check on your dreams at night.”

She grimaced. Gotcha, bitch. “Maybe you were distracted,” she finally said. “They were about you making a mistake.”

“Well, a mistake is just a lesson to learn,” I said with a shrug. “So whatever I do, just watch me and learn from it. I’m sure no matter what mistake I might make, I’ll still love you.”

She grimly smiled. “Always an answer for everything, mommy.”

“Nav is a very wise woman,” Fleur sweetly answered.

Taya gave her a very flat stare before finally starting to eat. She glared at the plate and stabbed the food with a magical fork.

I had a feeling she was upset about something.

“Your mother told me you just joined a magic school, Taya,” Fleur said. As soon as Fleur started talking, Taya fixed her with a very mean glare. “Are you excited about your first day?”

“Fleur, don’t,” I said. “She’s just gonna be mean and nasty.” Taya gave me a sickly sweet smirk for just a second before dropping it and going back to eating, once again glaring. “That said, if she can refrain that nastiness and be polite and happy today, I think I just might reward her.” Taya’s ears twitched. “That’s a pretty big if, though. So the reward would have to be well worth it…” She suddenly looked awfully conflicted. “Well, I guess I’ll have all day to think about it. Assuming, of course, my good little girl behaves herself.”

It sounded like she started grinding her teeth for a few moments before she sighed and looked back up at Fleur. “Yes,” she dully replied.

“That doesn’t sound too polite or happy,” I said, leaning back in my chair. Taya’s ears dropped and she looked away. “Maybe I don’t need to think of a reward after all…”

She finally groaned and put on a very obviously fake smile. “Why yes, I’m very excited!” she said. It sounded very disingenuous, but I was hoping she wouldn’t keep up the shitty attitude for long. Better yet, I was hoping Fleur would just leave her alone so I wouldn’t have to keep threatening my daughter with a good time.

It seemed that Fleur liked torturing my daughter as much as I did, though. “I’m not here to take your mother away, Taya,” she warmly said. “You don’t have to think of me as your enemy. And no matter what happens, you know she will always love you.”

“Oh, I know,” Taya said, her eyes meeting mine.

“I will admit that your mother and I started on bad terms.” My daughter snorted. “But the misunderstandings of the past are behind us now. Your mother and I have started anew. And as it so happens, we’ve discovered a fondness for each other.”

“Mommy sure is fond of a lot of mares,” Taya snarkily shot back. I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Your mother is a remarkable person,” Fleur said. “A very… exceptional one.”

“And powerful,” Taya added.

“I know you are very protective of your mother. I truly understand that. Which is why I want you to trust me, Taya. You know the kind of mare your mother is. You know that there are plenty of those who would like to use her.”

“You mean like you?” Taya asked, finally dropping the act.

“I am not trying to use your mother, Taya,” Fleur said. “I am trying to protect her, just the same as you. If anything, she’s using me!”

“Guilty as charged, on that one,” I said. “I convinced her to divorce her husband, move out, and start an entirely new global enterprise.” I took a second to think about that. “God damn, that sounds like a villainous backstory.”

“Your mother has done a lot for me,” Fleur said. “She has helped me grow and change.”

“I hear that a lot,” Taya sarcastically replied.

“It just so happens that the two of us have grown closer, as we worked together.”

“I hear that a lot, too.”

“You are just the sweetest thing,” Fleur said, shaking her head and grinning.

“I bet you were saying that last night, too,” Taya quietly replied.

“I knew you were listening in!” I said, slapping the table.

“Nothing gets past me, mommy,” Taya happily said, her eyes meeting mine. They turned cold and moved to meet Fleur’s. “And nothing ever will.” She finished that very icily.

“You’re such a fucking drama queen, Jesus,” I said.

“Well, I learned it from watching you!”

I scratched at the back of my neck. Fleur cleared her throat.

It took Jak to break that stalemate. “She’s got you there, lassie.”

“Go back to eating your god damn toast, you overgrown cow,” I shot back. He chuckled and went back to his tea.

“Mommy can do better than you,” Taya finally said.

“That’s a very hasty assessment,” Fleur evenly replied. “If you would just give me a chance, I think you’ll find that your mother and I get along just fine.”

“Ponies don’t get chances,” Taya said. “They take chances.”

“Your mother has taken a chance on me. You trust her, don’t you?”

“That’s a pretty good question, actually,” I said.

“She’s been known to make mistakes,” Taya said.

“The same could be said of all of us,” Fleur shot back. “I have made hurtful mistakes against your mother, and I have apologized for them. Mistakes are a part of life. Growing from them is important. I have changed a significant part of who I was because your mother showed me that who I was before was a petty, vain monster. She woke me from that nightmare. She taught me to question things. I’m happy to see that it’s something she has taught you, as well.”

“It seems like something she teaches everyone,” Taya sighed.

“Hey man, if something seems cartoonishly evil, you call it like you see it,” I said with a shrug.

“Unfortunately, we live in a world where what seems to be evil and what actually is evil are two very different things,” Fleur said.

“Not always,” I said with a shrug. “You haven’t seen Discord. That dude’s like the personification of evil. Minus the classy mustache.”

“...Forgive me. We live in a world where what seems to be evil and what actually is evil are not always the same thing. Is that better?” I nodded. “See there, Taya? Your mother and I work together very well!”

“Mommy would smile at the pony putting a knife in her back,” Taya said. “Working with her is easy. You have to work with me.”

“Which is no easy feat,” I sighed.

“It’s easier than you think,” Fleur said with a warm smile. “She and I are drawn to you, Nav. We both want what’s best for you and we both want you to be happy. She just hasn’t realized yet that I might be what’s best for you and that I might make you happy. I’m sure that once she does, she will calm herself and behave. And then we can all be happy together.”

“Get in line,” Taya said. It appeared that she was done with the conversation, because she grabbed her plate and teleported out.

“What a fucking bitch,” I immediately said.

“Nav, that’s your daughter!”

“Yeah, and she’s a fucking bitch.”

Fleur sighed and looked down. “Why does she hate me?”

“Because you’re not Twilight,” I said.

“What does that mare have that I don’t?” she quietly asked. It honestly sounded like she was close to tears.

I dunno, emotional stability? A shitton of magic? A bunch of really good friends? “We lived with Twilight for some time,” I said. “I think Taya got it in her mind that Twilight and I were made for each other, or something silly like that.”

“...I suppose such a thing might be difficult for a filly to get over.”

“Also, I may have said some impolite things about you. You know, before…”

“I see.”

“Taya will go where I point and do what I say,” I said. “Whether she’ll be happy about it or not is entirely up to her.”

“...Does her happiness mean so little to you?”

“She’s being a fucking drama queen, Fleur. She’ll be fine. She’ll either learn to like you or she’ll drive you away by being a complete bitch. At the moment, she’s trying that tactic. But we won’t let it work, so she’ll learn to like you. You know, eventually.”

“Is there any way we could convince her to even give me a chance?”

“No, because she’s a stubborn bitch. You’ll just have to be stubborn right back. You are here to stay, whether she likes it or not, and her tantrums and bullying aren’t going to change that. Don’t let her intimidate you, because she’ll try.”

“...Nav, what have you raised?”

“I told everyone that I would be a terrible parent. I told Celestia, when she forced her onto me. I told Twilight, when she watched me fuck up time and again. I told Taya herself, when it was decided that I be her guardian. No one listened. Taya is the consequence. I’m really hoping her time here in Canterlot will calm her down, but I’m not holding my breath.”

She sighed. “This may be a problem, Nav.”

“Fucking tell me about it. She’s been a problem for years.”

“This may be a problem for your image, Nav. She is your only heir. If she goes around behaving like this…”

“Odds are, I’ll outlast her. That shouldn’t be a big problem.”

“Perhaps. Consider any possible suitors for her, though. I guarantee that there won’t be many for very long if this is how she acts.”

“Well, she knows not to act up in front of company.”

“...What does that make me?”

“I dunno, family? Whatever. Point is, she’ll behave in public.”

“And at parties?”

“She’ll either behave or she’ll stay out of sight. That’s something I’ve made clear to her before. How she handles her own suitors is up to her. I wish luck to whoever tries to date that thing.”

“Nav… that’s your daughter.”

“Look dude, I fucked up as a parent. I raised a fucking monster. I’m doing my best to rein that thing in, but give me a break. There’s only so much I can do.”

“Your words are very… disheartening. For a number of reasons.” She took her cup with magic and drained the tea out of it. “Shall we see if we can find her?”

“Might as well,” I replied with a shrug.

Fleur set the cup back down and tenderly stood. Her body was probably aching about as much as mine, though most of the aches and pains I had were on extremities that didn’t currently exist. Being a changeling was really fucking weird. Thankfully, I finally managed to put the distracting auras to the back of my mind.

“Good luck,” Jak said as we left the sun room. I flipped him off as we walked away. He just laughed.

Since I’m a fucking outstanding mother, finding Taya was a breeze. She was in the main hall, glaring at the sun room and just waiting. “So, is my good little girl ready for her first day of school?” I asked with a big ol’ grin. Her eyes narrowed. “If she wants her reward, she better be.” Her teeth grit. “Taya, stop being a little shit.”

“That reward better be worth it,” she growled. Keep up that attitude, and I won’t have to bother thinking of one. I lifted an eyebrow. She dropped the nasty look on her face and replaced it with a very fake smile. “Yes, mommy, I’m ready.”

“Good. Do you want me to walk you there?”

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Really?”

“If you want me to, I will.”

“Don’t you think it would be faster to fly?”

“Yes, but I don’t want you using any more magic until we get there. Neither of us know what kind of tests they’re going to make you do, so it’s better to have as much of your strength as possible.”

“It’s just a bunch of basic magic tricks,” she said, waving a hoof. “They’ll probably ask me to levitate a feather or something stupid like that.”

“Probably. But there’s no reason to take that risk. Besides, you’re missing your morning run for this. Might as well walk some of that pudge off instead.”

“Ugh. I’m not pudgy, mommy!”

I reached down and squeezed one of her cheeks. “This pudge disagrees, dear.” She stared at me with sullen eyes, presumably regretting ever having been born. I didn’t want to push her too far, so I let her cute little pudgy cheeks go. “Anyway, shall we?”

“Whatever.”

“Hm? What was that, my good, sweet little girl?”

She closed her eyes and it looked like she counted down from ten. When she reopened them, she once again plastered a fake smile on her face. “Let’s go greet the day, mommy!”

“That’s my girl!”

She sighed in disgust and led the way out. Before we could exit, two guards hopped down the stairs from the second floor and trotted up to me. “Want us to go with?” one of them asked.

“Knock yourself out,” I said with a shrug. “I’ll leave it to you to explain to Doppel why you’re shirking, though.”

“It’s not shirking if we’re guarding our lady,” he replied with a grin.

“Keep telling yourself that,” I answered, booping him on the nose.

His only reply was a cheeky grin.

When we got outside and halfway down the block, Taya looked back at Fleur. “Are you lost?” she asked.

“I know every part of this city like the back of my hoof,” Fleur replied with a grin. “If you’d like, I’d be happy to show you around.”

“I just don’t remember anyone inviting you.”

“Your mother and I have an engagement after we drop you off. A little date before the party tonight.” Taya’s eyed widened. “She thought it would be nice if I walked with her so we can spend more time together.”

“You know what? I don’t think I need anyone to walk me there after all.”

“Too bad. I need some exercise, myself,” I said. “Being cooped up on that ship for so long started giving me a little pudge, too.”

“Then why don’t you ever run with me?” Taya asked.

“Because I’m not always in the mood to exercise. I am right now, so I’m doing it. Really, honey, you should be happy! Don’t you want to spend time with me?”

“Yeah. With you.”

“Well, I’m here. So you’re spending time with me.”

She snorted and muttered, “Always an answer for everything.” I reached over and tousled her hair, because I knew it would make her die a little on the inside.

“The housewarming party is tonight, by the way,” I said. “Which is why Fleur stayed the night.”

“Sure. That’s why.”

“Well, that’s one of the reasons. Her mouth may have also been shoved into my crotch at some point last night, but that’s none of your business.” Fleur blushed bright red, one of the guards quietly whistled, and Taya hung her head. “Of course, Twilight and Queen Moonbeam were also there. It was a whole big bundle of fun.”

“You ever think about a permanent bodyguard?” one of the guards asked. “You know, just in case that Discord thing shows up again?”

“Yeah, I have thought about it,” I said. “That is why Kat is generally my shadow. Don’t worry, she also likes to cuddle up with me at night. You know, to keep me warm in these cold winter evenings.”

“Welp, that image is gonna help keep me warm, too,” the guard replied with a big smile.

“Maybe if you beg real nice I’ll take a picture for you. Anyway, back to the party. A lot of important ponies are going to be there tonight, apparently. It’s my first real shot at fixing my dark and unpleasant reputation and it’s my official welcome back to Canterlot. I don’t know if you’ll be back in time for it. If you are, you can either be a kind and loving daughter or you can stay out of sight. The choice is up to you.”

“When am I ever anything other than your perfect little angel, mommy?”

“Only every time you’re breathing,” I warmly replied. “This is important for me, Taya. More than that, this is important for our family. I want us to have a real chance at surviving the coming storm. This is the first battle in a large, full scale war. You can either fight by my side or you can stay out of my way.”

“...It’s just a party,” Taya slowly said.

“Nothing in Canterlot is ever just anything,” Fleur said. “This party is just one of many moves in an ongoing chess match between your mother and Celestia. One wrong move could potentially lead to a fate worse than death for not just your mother, but her entire family line and all of her allies.”

“Don’t think for an instant that we’re safe just because we’re in Canterlot,” I said. “I have a feeling Celestia isn’t happy with my recent behavior. It doesn’t take much to assume she’ll want me out of the picture once she thinks she’s safe from Discord. If I don’t have my pieces in order before she has enough false confidence in herself to fight him, she’ll have me eliminated. Part of getting my reputation in order is convincing others that maybe Celestia doesn’t need to be running things anymore, if you catch my drift. So when it comes time for events like this, I desperately need your support. Or at the very least, I don’t need you fucking it up just because you didn’t get your way. The time for childish tantrums is over. Starting tonight, there will be no more room for mistakes.”

“...‘Kay.”

“Alright then. So what’s it gonna be tonight, Taya? Are you gonna be my good little girl, or are you going to stay out of the way?”

“...I’ll be your good little filly,” she said.

“Good. Fleur’s gonna be my date.” She missed a step, but thankfully recovered. “Watch out for loose ice, honey. I’d hate for you to miss your first day because you fell and hurt yourself.”

“I’ll be careful,” she quietly replied.

“Good. It would be a shame if you ruined your cute face. Just think of all the suitors you might meet tonight!”

“W-what?!”

“She’s joking, dear,” Fleur said. “Nopony your age is getting invited. Maybe at the next one, though…”

“We’ll find you a colt yet, Taya,” I said, patting her on the back. “Well, unless you find one yourself at school…” Her ears started twitching. “I know there were a few cute colts there yesterday. I know I saw some of them eyeing you…” Her ears really started going haywire, then.

“I would be happy to teach you everything you need to know to turn a colt into putty in your hooves,” Fleur said. “It’s all fairly simple. We might have to do something with your hair, but it would be pretty easy. Why, I could turn you into a charming young filly in practically a heartbeat!”

“You’d have them eating out of your hooves,” I said. “Trust me when I say that it can be surprisingly fun to have a lot of tough manly men jockeying for your attention.”

“Is that from personal experience, ma’am?” one of the guards asked.

“You shut your whore mouth. And yes.” The two of them snickered, of course. “Fleur’s gonna be around whether you like it or not, Taya. Giving her a chance would greatly increase the chances of you liking it. I’m not the only one who could benefit from her help.”

We walked in silence for about half a block. Taya’s ears were still moving around all over the place and I kinda wondered if they were hunting for a signal or something. Finally, she hung her head. “Is… is it really that much fun?” she whispered.

“It certainly can be,” Fleur replied. “Mind, you’ll have to be very careful about offering more than you’re prepared to deliver, but with my help, you can avoid that particular pitfall. I would be most delighted to turn you into the perfect noble filly!”

“Your call, honey,” I said with a shrug. “I’m not gonna make you. I want you to be better equipped for this life, but that choice is entirely yours.”

“...Can I think about it?” she whispered.

“Sure. I doubt the offer’s gonna be revoked.” Should I feel bad about manipulating her like this? Unsurprisingly, no one answered.

That killed the important conversation. Fleur pretty much just talked my ear off the rest of the way there about various bullshit gossip, probably to get any paparazzi something to put in the papers. I really hoped nobody happened to overhear what we had been saying, though.

Once we got to the tower’s gate, I gave Taya a hug and sent her on her way. I didn’t want to walk with her all the way because I had a feeling any protection spells I had cast on me would reveal me as a changeling.

With Taya out of the way, Fleur took me in hoof and dragged me to her fashion person. My two brave guards got a nice eyeful as I got measured, because Equestria doesn’t really believe in privacy curtains. That probably has something to do with everyone generally being nude anyway.

Thankfully, being ogled doesn’t bother me all that much these days anyway.

When I was fully measured, the fashion chick promised to have the dress delivered the instant it was done. The fact that she already had my address should have been disconcerting, but it honestly wasn’t surprising. News travels fast, apparently.

Once we escaped that hellhole, we finally started walking back to the house. Fleur continued her mindless babbling and I did my best to engage her back, though it killed me a little on the inside. Gossip is the fucking worst and pretending to care about something sucks.

Thankfully, I’m a fighter and I made it. When we got to the front door, I sighed and looked down at Fleur. “No offense, but if I have to hear more gossiping bullshit, I might have to strangle you.”

“None taken,” she sweetly said. I nodded and let myself in.

To say I was surprised at the changes in the house wasn’t quite accurate. I mean, I knew Doppel was going to bust her ass to get shit done, but the speed with which she worked was honestly impressive. The small entrance hall was already completely done, with vases full of flowers lining the wall.

One of the female guards was standing at attention in freshly polished armor. “Welcome back, my lady,” she said with a small bow.

“I see you’ve been busy while I was gone,” I said. I could hear movement all over the house and see several ponies moving tables into the main hall.

“Doppel’s handing out some very unique incentives,” she replied with a shrug. “And none of us want to see Gloomy upset, so we’ve all been doing just as she asked.”

“Well, it looks good in here,” I said. “Here’s hoping the rest of the house is doing just as well.”

“This is the only area that’s actually finished,” she said. “But I’m sure Doppel or Gloomy would be happy to tell you their plans.”

“I don’t know a thing about decorating,” I said. “Cadance bitched about it constantly when she lived with me. I think I’m better off staying out of the way.”

“It might not be a bad idea to learn,” the guard said with a shrug. “But that’s entirely up to you.”

“I keep you guys around so I don’t have to learn things that I don’t want to, silly,” I said. I reached down to tousle her hair, but remembered that she had a helmet on. Instead, I booped her on the nose.

“Please don’t do that,” she said. “At least, not while I’m on duty.”

“Can I rub your belly while you’re on duty?” I asked.

“Only if you can get to it.” Her voice had a hint of an edge to it.

“...Got it. Carry on.” She nodded and went back to doing absolutely nothing while the rest of us continued into the house. Well, Fleur and I did. One of the guards reached a hoof out to poke the other chick on the nose. She slapped it away and growled at him. If he wanted to get mauled, that was entirely his business.

The main hall was a flurry of activity and I didn’t want to get in the way, so I scooted through it and went into the living room. There were a few guards doing their thing in there, but staying out of their way was easy. I just went up to the couch and fell onto it, then immediately said some naughty words because I jammed my tail. Since it was super annoying and I was back home, I just made the damn thing disappear with a flash.

“Being a changeling can be really nice,” I sighed, finally able to relax.

Fleur followed, because of course she did, and joined me on the couch so she could lounge across my lap. “It certainly does seem to have its benefits, but I’m quite happy as a pony.”

“I was quite happy as a human, but now I’m some kind of super fucked up abomination.”

“No you’re not,” one of the guards immediately replied. “You’re our lady.”

“Those are not mutually exclusive,” I said.

“Taya and Gourd told us to tell on you every time you say something self-deprecating,” he said.

“Yeah, well, neither of them are here.”

“I’m sure Doppel would be happy to hear the news, too. She might even reward us for telling her!”

“For telling me what?” my little pet bug asked as she walked in.

“That you’re the best head of household ever,” I hastily replied.

“Oh. Well, I don’t reward ponies for telling me things that I already know. But thank you. Did you get your dress, my lady?”

“It’s being made now. It’ll be delivered as soon as it’s done. I figured I’d stay out of the way, since you won’t let me help. If you need me to, I can head upstairs or something.”

“You’re welcome to stay here,” she said. “Just please stay out of the kitchen and the sun room until we’re done.”

“You got it. Any idea how long that might take?”

“It’ll probably be another two or three hours, if I had to guess,” she said. “Gloomy is arranging each bouquet in the sun room by hoof, and there’s one for each table.”

“Is Fleur allowed to help?” I asked.

“If she wishes,” Doppel replied. “She may be a lady, but she is not our lady.”

“I might supervise, but I will not always be around to help. It’s better that you all learn how to do this yourselves.”

“Well, the guards are bullying me, so I think I’m gonna head back upstairs so I can sulk in peace,” I said.

“You can’t just say everyone that tells you not to do something is a bully, my lady,” Doppel said.

“Says who?”

“Me.”

“Ugh, you’re such a bully.”

She rolled her eyes. “Sulking is beneath you.”

“Don’t worry,” Fleur said. “I won’t let her sulk much.”

“Good. And if she says anything that sounds self-deprecating, let me know. I’ll handle it.” God damn it.

“Of course,” Fleur said with a nod. Since it was obvious that my presence was no longer wanted, I gently pushed Fleur off my lap and stood so I could stalk off. “I believe you’re forgetting something, Navi…”

“What’s that?” I asked, turning back. As I turned, I realized what it was and I made my shitty tail reappear. “I really hate this thing.”

“It’s a part of you, like it or not,” Doppel said. “If you insist upon being a changeling, you need to remember to keep your body in order when you might be seen by someone who doesn’t need to know you’re currently a changeling.”

“Chillax, home skillet,” I said. “It ain’t no thing.”

She mouthed something, but I decided to walk away before she could come up with an actual response. Thankfully, she didn’t bother me anymore.

Fleur and I slowly ambled up the circular staircase, getting up all four flights with ease. And also a little bit of pain, because our bodies were still slightly sore. Once we got to the top, I led the way into my room and she closed the door behind us. “So now what?” she asked.

“We could do some lewd stuff, if you’re interested,” I said. “Or you can read a few of the books I have lying around and I can play around on the laptop. We still got plenty of time to burn.”

“Well, it certainly would be refreshing to have you to myself again. However, I tend to avoid sex before parties. Should we lose track of time, we might not be able to cleanse ourselves before we must make our appearance.”

“Fair enough. In that case, I’m gonna dick around on the laptop. If you know the translation spell, we can watch a movie or something.”

“I do know that spell, actually. It’s one I learned back when that whole anime fad was going on.”

“Is that still a thing?”

“I haven’t the slightest. Probably in some circles. So what manner of movie shall we watch?”

“I dunno. What are you in mood for?”

“I’m always in the mood for something romantic…”

“Hm… Oh, I know. Wanna watch a movie about a guy who falls in love with a poor woman, helps build her up, catches a horrific disease, leaves her so she won’t mourn his death, then gets over the disease and wins her back?”

“Oooh, that does sound romantic!”

“Cool.” I popped the laptop open and loaded Deadpool. “Shall we, then?”

It did not take her very long to realize that it was not a very romantic movie. That didn’t stop her from enjoying it anyway.

Since I’m nice, I decided to play Titanic after that. Before we got a quarter of the way through, the new dress arrived. It was, of course, a very frilly white sundress embroidered with flowers. Upon trying it on, I realized that it was definitely long enough to fit around the tail without showing off too much. That was unfortunate, because it meant I didn’t have any excuse not to wear it other than the age old excuse of not wanting to.

When we were bored with the dress, we went back to the movie and managed to get three quarters of the way through it before Doppel came up to tell me the decorations were finished. I really didn’t care, but I knew saying that would hurt her feelings. Instead, I sucked it up and went downstairs to look them over.

Since Doppel is a peasant and can get away with having bad manners, she flew down the stairs and waited at the bottom next to a beaming Gloomy. Oh boy, she’s still hanging around… “What do you think?” she asked.

I hadn’t really had a chance to look around much, aside from what little I saw walking down. After taking a moment to do so, I nodded. “I like it.” Thankfully, I didn’t have to lie. There was one large table in the center of the room with a bonsai tree placed on the middle. Several plates were set up around it, though no food was on them yet. “Where’d you get the tree?”

“Don’t ask,” Doppel immediately replied.

The floor had been polished and several flower vases lined the wall. What looked like vines were dangling from the railing of the second floor and each one was tipped with another flower. “Should I ask about the vines?”

“It’s better that you don’t,” Doppel sighed.

“It’s not like the princess ever goes to that part of her garden anyway!” Gloomy said.

No wonder Celestia had these guys doing the shit duties. If she left them in Canterlot, there’s no telling what kind of trouble they’d get in. “In the future, please don’t steal from anyone,” I said. “Especially Celestia.”

“You got it, my lady!” Gloomy said, bouncing in place. “You wanna see the other rooms?”

Not really. “I’d be happy to,” I lied.

“Follow me!” She skipped off to the sun room. The three of us followed, of course. She stopped right on the inside of the room. “Voila!” she shouted, waving a hoof.

“...Wow.” I was honestly kinda impressed. Each of the tables had a completely unique bouquet of flowers arranged on them. The bar was also lined with violets and marigolds. “You did a good job, Gloomy.”

“Thanks, Navi!” Doppel kicked her. “Er… My lady! I didn’t do anything with the backyard, but it’s not too late.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” I replied. “Not too many people are gonna wanna spend time out in the cold, I don’t reckon. And I don’t want you to risk getting sick out there.”

“Aww…”

“Um. Did you want to decorate the backyard?”

“Yeah! But Doppel wouldn’t let me…”

“Tell you what, when spring comes along, I’ll let you plant whatever flowers you want out there, as long as they aren’t dangerous or anything.”

“REALLY?!”

“Yes.”

She shot up and hugged me. “Yay! Thanks, Navi!”

“Ahem!” Doppel said, slapping a hoof on the floor.

Gloomy squeaked and pulled away with a blush. “T-thank you, my lady!”

“You’re welcome,” I said, booping her on the nose. She giggled in glee. “You’re exempt from guard duty tonight. Get some rest.”

“Aww, but I wanted to see what everyone thought of my decorations!”

“Fine. You can be on duty if you want. Just, you know, try not to hug anyone or whatever. If you misbehave too much, I’ll sic Watcher on you.”

“That big ol’ teddy bear?” she asked. “I’ll just use my sad eyes and he’ll forgive me!”

“Then I’ll sic Doppel on you.” She gasped in horror. “Now, go make sure your armor’s good to go.”

“It better be,” she said. “I conned Grey into doing it for me. If he hasn’t done it yet, I’ll have to punish him!” She happily trotted off, humming a happy tune.

“What do you think?” I asked Fleur.

“I approve,” she replied with a nod. “I also think it’s about time that you begin preparing as well. Guests should begin arriving in about an hour. We still need to do your hair and your makeup.”

“Can I help?” Doppel asked with a grin.

“You may,” Fleur said.

“You could also take my place,” I said. “I mean, I’m a changeling anyway. I’m sure no one would notice if you—”

“Nope! I’m too happy as your excellent head of household. I wouldn’t wanna be a lady, too!”

“Now come along, Navi,” Fleur said, gripping my hand with magic and gently tugging. “We have much to do!”

Ugh, I should have just died at birth…

Their matching predatory grins did not comfort me at all. I just sighed as they dragged me up the stairs to begin their torture.

Once they were done, I stared at the body-length mirror in silence. Once again, it honestly felt like I didn’t recognize myself. My long white hair had been expertly curled, a flower crown was draped on my head, my face was covered in light makeup, I was wearing a flowing dress, and my eyes looked very dead inside.

“What do you think?” Fleur sweetly asked.

“I thought we just decided not to do this girly bullshit anymore,” I sighed.

“Perhaps you should have informed Doppel.” My maid giggled. “Or perhaps not. This is quite a nice look for you, Navi.”

“Well, don’t get used to it. I’m reserving this for parties and events only. And even that might change after Twilight does her thing.”

“You’re no fun,” Doppel said.

“Ugh. When are the guests supposed to start arriving?”

“Soon. Very soon. Shall we go greet them?”

“After you two,” I said. “I want everyone down there distracted by you two so they won’t try to peek up my dress as I’m coming down the stairs.”

“Then maybe you should have put on panties,” Doppel said.

“Yeah, and maybe you should shut your whore mouth. This dress is a little bit more sheer than I like and I don’t want to risk anyone seeing them through it.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Let’s just do this.” She grinned and curtsied, then led the way out.

When we got to the edge, I looked down. There were two guards in position at the bottom, just waiting. As I walked to the stairs, I heard someone knock on the door. “And so it begins,” Fleur happily said.

I took a deep breath and began my descent.