Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iky29eROgKZlALyzm4YFDXnZFSV2goXJ2jvD0DgvBAs/edit

The next morning was a fairly overcast one, which made me honestly not want to even get out of bed. Unfortunately, Kat was standing next to it with a plate of food in one hand and a feather in the other, and she was threatening to climb back in and tickle me if I didn’t take the food and get up.

I ate as petulantly as I could while she walked around the room, opening the blinds again. There wasn’t much of a reason for her to bother, because it didn’t really let much light in. I guess it was the thought that counted or whatever.

Once I had finished eating, I got dressed, eschewing the brightly colored clothes Kat tried forcing on me in favor of all black. It was mostly just to spite her, of course. When I was fully clothed, I stepped out of my room and hopped over the railing to glide down to the foyer. It was better than taking the stairs and feeling my stupid tail drag, though Doppel stared at me very disapprovingly when I landed next to her.

“I don’t need your judgment,” I said.

“Too late, mistress,” she replied. “That is very improper behavior for my lady.”

“Eat a dick.”

“Already did,” she said, winking at me. “Anyway, what are your plans for the day?”

“I’m probably gonna go see the mages in a few hours. I don’t have any plans after that.”

“I sincerely hope you aren’t planning on lazing about the house all day.”

“Um. Why not?”

“Because the more ponies you get to know, the more ponies will come to visit. The more ponies that visit, the more I get to strut my stuff! If they all see that a changeling can do a good job as a head of household, they’ll be quicker to accept us. Some ponies might even want to hire more changelings!”

“Oh.”

“Really, mistress, you should try to be more selfless.”

“I’ll do my best,” I sarcastically replied. “Who else is awake?”

“So far, Sunny Disposition, Silver Quill, Kat, and a few of the guards.” She shook one of her back legs and shivered. “A few of the larger guards, at that. I spoke to Silver about going with us to pick up a wagon. She said she would be happy to.”

“Good. Do you know if she finished counting the money?”

“She did. If you would like to ask her about it, she’s in the sun room.” I looked around the foyer for a moment before she added, “The room with the large window, right there.” She finished by pointing to the room with the large window and all the tables.

“Alrighty, I’ll go talk to her. Keep being adorable.”

“I’ll do my best, mistress,” she said with a curtsy.

Kat had caught up by then and followed me into what we were apparently calling the sun room. A few of the guards were sitting at one of the tables, eating breakfast. Silver was at one of the tables against a wall. She had paperwork on one side and a cup of tea on the other. She didn’t notice as I walked over and sat across from her.

It wasn’t until I gently knocked on the table that she blinked and then looked up. “Oh. Good morning, my lady.”

“Howdy. I heard you finished counting up the gold.”

She nodded. “Yep! I’m in the process of tallying up who should get what now, based on the estimated value of all the gems and other treasures in the pile.”

“Cool beans. Once you get that sorted out, give the numbers to Watcher and Gourd. They can handle doling it out.”

She shook her head. “I don’t mind doing that at all, my lady.”

“You got enough on your plate. Those two don’t have much going on.”

“I’m not that busy!”

“Silver, stop asking for more work.”

She blinked. “I… hadn’t thought of it like that. I guess this is work, isn’t it?”

“I mean… yeah. You’ve been working for me for a little while, now.”

“Yeah… I guess everything since I got freed has felt more like a dream…”

“...Are you feeling okay?” I asked.

She blinked a few more times, then nodded. “Of course, my lady. It’s just… Well, everything that’s happened since you found me has been so amazing!”

“Shit… Your life before must have really sucked, then. I’ve been working your ass off and you’ve been flying around the world in a rickety wooden ship for a while.”

“It… wasn’t really the best. They didn’t send many good traders into Africa. They sent the crooked, the criminals, and the cruel. My last boss wasn’t the nicest pony. He… convinced me that I wouldn’t have a chance anywhere else.”

“Sounds like an asshole. Guess he got what was coming to him.”

“I suppose, though I hate to think of it that way. I’ve seen so many wonderful things because of you, Nav. I never really… really got out much before my boss dragged me to Africa. I know I haven’t been with you for long, but seeing so much of the world like this is amazing!”

Man, that’s kind of sad. “It’s never too late to start again, I guess. I’m going out of town for a week or two soon. I want you to take that time off.”

“What?! Why?”

“You haven’t had any time to decompress since you got back. Once you get this bonus out to everyone, you’ll have some scratch. I want you to relax. Go on a vacation somewhere, maybe. Find a special somehorse or hire a few prostitutes. Just take some time to yourself. My finances will be fine for a week or two.”

“I… suppose some time off would be nice. I’ve never really… had this much money to play with before…”

“Don’t go too crazy,” I quickly said. “That much money all at once can go to your head.”

“Oh trust me, my lady, I know. I’m an accountant, remember? I’ve seen it happen. I will very much take care.”

“Cool. And you’re fine with helping Doppel pick out a wagon today?”

“Of course, my lady. It’ll give me time to pick out decorations for my own room, too.”

“Baller. What are you up to after that?”

She shrugged. “I’ll probably go back to trying to appraise your magical artifacts. I might take a trip to the gem mine soon to find out its output.”

“Before you do those, can you get with Gourd, Watcher, and the changeling captain and go over trade routes with them? You don’t have to go with the ships if you don’t want to, but I do want you to get them started in the right direction. And make both of them look for passengers as well.”

“That should be easy enough. After our experiments, we’ve discovered one trade route that’s very successful and one passenger route that works very well. Gourd’s ship would be better for moving cargo and Sketch’s ship will be good for moving passengers. If… Well, if the passengers can get over their pet pony.”

“The dude’s name is Sketch? Seriously?”

“Yes, my lady. The changeling’s name is Sketch. Did you… did you forget already?”

“I actually just never asked. I’m bad with names, Gold.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Gold Pen. Isn’t that right?” She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, the pet pony might weird some people out. But that’s part of what they’re trying to fix. Apparently he has a special outfit for being around other people, so it might not be that bad.”

“We’ll see, I suppose. The more they travel, the more deals and contacts they’ll make, which will in turn increase their revenue. Gourd’s told me that he knows a few… less than reputable dealers across the sea if we want to—”

“We don’t,” I immediately said. “Keep everything above-board. Nothing illegal, no exceptions.”

“A wise choice, my lady. Watcher has also noted that the spider flag we possess grants us access to them. Apparently you have good relations with some of them. He thinks we could open trade with them and gain access to a completely untapped market.”

“...I’ll negotiate with them myself, later. And I’ll only take volunteers with me when I do it.” I might need to keep in contact with Arachne, anyway, and there’s no telling what else might be in those jungles. “You weren’t around for that. Trust me when I say Spider is not at all a good example of the rest of them.”

“So I’ve heard… my queen.”

“Eat a dick.”

“Gourd happened to mention that the monkeys might also be really good trade partners for us… Should you return to them, that is.”

“Eat a whole bag of dicks.” She giggled, for some reason. “Anyway, I’ll leave you to your tea. Keep up the totally bodacious work.”

“Of course. I think.” I reached over and booped her on the nose, then hopped out of the chair and walked to the table with the guards.

“Doppel might need some volunteers to help do errands later,” I said. “I’m sure she’d be very grateful to any volunteers.”

One of the guys immediately said dibs, but Sanguine Rose waved a hoof and said, “Fuck your dibs. You already had a turn with her this morning! Some of us are in heat, you know. I got dibs!”

“Yeah, think of the ladies,” one of the other guys said. “And also me, because you better believe I’m gonna volunteer, too.”

I decided to dip out before they could all start arguing about who got to fuck my maid next and walked back to the foyer. Doppel wasn’t there anymore. As far as I was concerned, that completed my list of priorities for a few hours, so Kat and I went back up to my room to chill.

Or at least, that’s why I went up there. Once we were actually in my room and I was seated, Kat walked up to my desk and placed two wooden daggers on it. “You’ve been neglecting your training, Nav,” she said.

“Yeah, maybe a little,” I replied, pulling my laptop out.

Before I could open it, she placed a paw on top of it. “We are going to Tartarus, Nav. Do you think now is really a good time to let your skills degrade?”

“No, probably not. Your paw is in the way.”

She grabbed one of the daggers with her other paw and placed it on the laptop. “Don’t play dumb with me.”

“But it’s so much fun!”

“Too bad.” She finally pulled away and grabbed the other wooden dagger. “You have two choices, Nav: You can defend yourself or you can just let me beat you with this hunk of wood.”

God dammit. “I don’t have much practice with a dagger.”

“Now seems like a good time to start. It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone how many times I beat you…”

I sighed and regretfully wrapped my hand around the dagger, wondering if Taya would be awake to heal me by the time I needed it.

Turns out the answer was yes. That said, I wouldn’t be surprised if we ended up waking her up, given that we were making way too much noise. Taya trotted into my room maybe an hour after Kat and I started. She assessed the situation for a moment before stopping Kat with magic and then floating me over to the door.

“Good morning to you, too,” I said while I was floating.

“Sorry Kat, but mommy hasn’t been doing her duties. I have to borrow her.”

After that, Taya released Kat. “Very well,” she replied. “You might need to fix up a few bruises.”

“Have you been hurting my mommy?” Taya sweetly asked.

“Maybe a little.”

“She forced me to fight,” I said, crossing my arms. “And threatened to beat me if I didn’t.”

“Good,” Taya said with a nod. “Keep up the good work, Kat.”

“As you wish, my lady,” Kat said with a small bow. Taya giggled and walked out, dragging me with her. I sighed and dropped the wooden dagger.

“So what duties am I neglecting?” I asked.

“Belly rubs and cuddles, mostly,” my daughter said. “But I’m sure I can think of a few more while you’re making up for lost time.”

Being a parent is hard work. She walked into her room and floated me over to her bed, then dropped me and hopped up next to me so she could hug me. “And we couldn’t do this in my room?” I asked. “My bed is bigger.”

“But then your scent wouldn’t be on my bed, silly!”

“Should I just start giving you my dirty socks?”

“Ew, no!”

“I’m just sayin’. You always talk about my smell. There isn’t much smellier about me than my feet.”

“I don’t want the stinky smells, thank you. Maybe some of your shirts, though…”

“I’ll think about it.” I flipped her over and started rubbing her belly, making her sigh in delight. “You’re such a tummy slut, Taya.”

“I l-love being your little tummy s-slut, mommy…”

And now it feels creepy. I didn’t stop, though. “You know you could have just asked, right? You didn’t have to fly me over here.”

“I k-know.”

“Alternately, you could learn to live without them. You’ll certainly be spending a lot less time with me once I get you a coltfriend.”

“Then I don’t w-want a coltfriend! I just… I just want you…”

Psh, gay. “You don’t want to live your entire life shackled to me, Taya.” She rolled over and scrunched up in an adorable filly ball. “I’ll always be there to help and support you, but you have your own life to live.”

“Well I don’t want it!” she suddenly shouted before scrunching up even tighter. “I just wanna be with you!”

Oh boy, here we go… I put my hand on her back. “What’s wrong, Taya?” Every time you get super weird or bitchy, there’s a reason.

“...Nothing.”

“Oh, good. I thought something triggered this. Instead you just randomly decided to get more possessive than normal.” She grunted. “Cut the shit, Taya. What’s wrong?”

“I… I thought you were gone…”

“I haven’t left the house all day.” Though the day hasn’t been going on for long.

She finally unballed herself to glare at me. “No! After… that thing was here! You just… you just disappeared in front of me! I thought you were gone…”

“Nope. Celestia just wanted to say hi.” And try to imprison me for life.

“But you could just… disappear one day… Discord made you!”

“I haven’t disappeared yet,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t. Something something enjoy the time you have.”

“Did you just say something something, mommy?” she very coldly asked.

“Look, the point is, I’m here now. We live very dangerously, Taya. Our enemy is the antithesis of life, something so powerful that I can track its presence in a room just by its energy. It has the power to do… I guess literally anything. Sure, it could snap its fingers and make me disappear, but I could also get killed any number of other, more mundane ways. Life is fickle, random, and most definitely not fair. You have to be prepared for the fact that something bad could happen to me and you have to be ready to move on should it ever occur.”

“No I don’t!”

“I need you to be, Taya. I’m gonna do my best to survive, but if anything ever happens to me, you need to move on.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You better make sure nothing ever happens to you, mommy.”

“I have no intentions of getting hurt. But if I do—”

“You won’t,” she said. “I won’t let you!”

“If I do—” She closed my mouth with magic and jumped on top of me to hug me.

“That’s enough talking, mommy. Back to the hugging!” At that point, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to. That said, I also didn’t seem to have much of a choice. My arms slowly wrapped around her and she sighed in delight.

Well before Taya was done with me but well after I was bored, we were thankfully interrupted by a knock at her door. She sighed dramatically and used magic to open it, revealing everyone’s favorite slutty bug horse, Doppel. She entered and eyed the two of us with some small amusement before saying, “You have a guest, my lady.”

Thank god. “Let me up, Taya.”

“Ugh, do I have to? Can’t the guest just come up here?”

“I’m not gonna make my guest walk up four flights of stairs,” I said. “Get off.” She sighed again and snuggled me extra hard for a moment before finally pulling back. I got to my feet and stretched. When my body was ready, I started walking to the door. Taya watched me go, not even making an attempt to follow me. Doppel pulled the door shut behind us as we left her room behind.

I walked over to the ledge and looked down. Queen Moonbeam was waiting below. Since it was her, I put a hand on the side and started to hop over, but Doppel quickly grabbed me and yanked me back. “Don’t you dare, mistress!” she hissed.

“I don’t like keeping guests waiting,” I whispered. “It’s rude.”

“So is jumping down the stairs like a hooligan!”

I rolled my eyes and started walking down the stairs, since it apparently meant so much to her. Instead of following me, she hopped over the side and fluttered down, smirking at me as she went. I narrowed my eyes at her, but continued on my way like a responsible adult.

When I finally got to the bottom, Doppel was standing next to the stairs with a smile on her face. “I present Queen Moonbeam, my lady.”

“Thank you, Doppel,” I warmly said. You little shit. “That will be all.” She curtsied and wandered off to the kitchen, just barely stopping herself from prancing.

“I see you’ve finally taught your slut how to truly serve you,” the queen bitch said, watching her go. Doppel lost the spring in her step and just slunk off. Moonie smirked at her departing back for a moment before looking back at me with a warmer smile.

“I would appreciate you not bad mouthing my excellent head of household,” I said, crossing my arms. Doppel’s head picked back up and she finally made it to the kitchen.

Moonie snorted and rolled her eyes. “Have you visited Princess Celestia recently?”

“I saw her yesterday,” I said. “She was looking remarkably well for her age.”

“Indeed. Twilight Sparkle informed me you might know more about that.”

“Twilight knows everything I know,” I said with a shrug. “Discord popped in for a visit yesterday, told me that he created me, then dipped out. A few minutes later, Celestia teleported me to some weird cell, did some magic to me, told me I was there for life, then seemed awfully surprised when Discord showed up before she left to free me and have a chat with her. He turned her into a filly and took her horn to teach her a lesson.”

“...I see. May we talk privately?”

“Sure. Wanna—” Her horn lit up and we teleported out. When I looked around, I discovered that we were in one of the rooms in the palace. She had a pretty good view overlooking Canterlot. “That works, too.”

“Discord’s visit puts us in a very… awkward position,” she said. “Especially now that we know he created you. Well, according to him, anyway.”

“Yeah, before Celestia got turned into an actual baby, she was a filly and had all kinds of things to say to me. I don’t think she’s happy that she’s been fucking something Discord created.”

“No, I don’t imagine she would be. Twilight is still working to fix her, but I doubt she will be successful.”

“Yeah, circumventing Discord’s magic probably isn’t gonna happen. Celestia’s just gonna have to learn not to act like a little kid.” She lifted an eyebrow. “That was the lesson Discord was trying to teach her. Apparently Celestia threw a tantrum in front of him, so he made her a kid until she could act her age. She threw another tantrum while talking to me and Twilight, so she got aged down even more.”

“How very… poetic. So who is going to run her country until she ages up?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. Are you worried he’ll come for you next?”

She stared at me in silence for a few seconds before shaking her head. “I am not worried. If he comes, he comes. I have an idea. It’s not one that Celestia will be happy about, but it will prevent panic. I propose that we replace her with a drone controlled by one of the elementals until Celestia is back to herself.”

“I really don’t like that idea.”

“And why is that?”

“My trust in the elementals is… shaken. I believe they could do it, but I’m not certain they’d be happy to give the power up.”

“Well, I wouldn’t trust a sentient or even an intelligentsia. I certainly wouldn’t trust my throne to another, so I can’t take her place. Do you propose that we just do nothing and hope for the best?”

“If we could convince Celestia to stop acting like a little child, she’d probably get turned back. Of course, that’s easier said than done.”

“What of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?” Moonie asked. “Do you think she could assist?”

“Cadance has her hands full with her own kingdom,” I said. “We could ask, but I doubt she’d come. Although she did say she wanted to see me while I was in town. Why don’t you convince Celestia to grow up?”

She rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t do that back when she was my pupil. I highly doubt the years have made her any less stubborn.”

“...Maybe she needs a spanking?”

Moonie stared at me blankly for a few seconds before sighing and shaking her head. “I’m actually thankful you’ve never had children, now. You don’t spank babies, Nav! Fillies, perhaps, but not babies.”

“Fine, whatever. Do you really want to risk giving the elementals the strongest kingdom in the world? If they decide not to give up that power…”

“I see no other option,” she said.

I sighed and walked over to the window. It looked like another happy, peaceful day in Canterlot. As soon as the news about Celestia broke, I expected there to be panic in the streets. Especially if everyone found out what caused it. We couldn’t keep it silent forever; Celestia never goes into seclusion without warning. Even if we did nothing, her absence could cause its own kinds of problems.

While I was thinking, Moonbeam walked up behind me. “We need someone reliable,” she said. “Someone who knows Celestia and could mimic her. Someone who knows how to act. Someone who can put on a very queenly performance.”

“Rarity, maybe?” I asked. “She could certainly act the part.”

“...No, she’s too vain,” Moonie said.

“Fleur? If we drilled the importance into her head, she could rein herself in.”

“No, I think Fleur’s working on another extremely important assignment, a longer term one.”

“Doppel? She’s smart enough to pull it off, despite what you think.”

“Hm. I think I have the perfect candidate in mind,” she practically purred.

“And just who is that?” I asked, finally turning around.

Moonbeam’s smirk did not make me feel comfortable. “I’m looking at her,” she replied. “You’d be the perfect Celestia!”

“Have you been smoking crack?” She lifted an eyebrow. “First off, the real Celestia would freak the fuck out, in a bad way. Second off, I can barely tolerate being a noble. Being a queen was just too much! I can’t even imagine dealing with what Celestia does all the time!”

“You won’t have to imagine it,” she said. “You’ll be living it soon. Now, let’s get you unwrapped…” Her horn lit up and she started removing my clothes.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I said, trying to hold my shirt down. “In fact, I think this idea is actually pretty fucking retarded. I can’t even do magic!”

“Twilight and I can cover for you for a few days.” She grabbed my arms and forced them up, and then finally got the shirt off.

“I have shit I need to do today,” I hastily said, trying to kick my legs out to prevent her from pulling off my skirt.

“Is it more important than making sure the country stays stable?”

“Maybe.” She lifted an eyebrow and I sighed. “...No.” She forced my legs together and pulled the skirt down, then chuckled at the sight of my ruffled panties. “S-shut up…”

“I think they’re adorable. Unfortunately, they’re in the way.” She finally worked them down and nodded. “Ready?”

“I mean… not really.”

“Too bad.” Her horn lit up brighter and my world started to change. Soon, my weird changeling eyes started noticing pheromone trails in the air, though they mostly surrounded Chrysalis. “You look as ravishing as ever, Navi,” she said with another giggle. The light around her horn finally disappeared and all four of my fucked up legs hit the ground.

“Eat a dick.”

“If you create one, I will,” she said, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. “Unfortunately, I feel mostly hollow. I’m going to need to feed before I do too much changing.”

“Hm. The nearest food pony is the one on the ship I just gave you. If you would like, we could return to your home so you can take advantage of it.”

“Actually, I have something… different in mind. Is Twilight still in the palace?”

“Yes, she is in Celestia’s room, watching the princess and poring over books.”

“Good. Can you watch Celestia for a few minutes?” She lifted an eyebrow. “I’m thinking I might try lust from the tap…”

“Ah.” We suddenly teleported much closer to Celestia’s room. It looked like we were just one turn away. “Can you change at all?”

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and imagined myself as Celestia. No part of me really wanted to do it, but I knew someone had to and I figured it might as well be me. When I opened my eyes, I found that I was taller than Moonbeam and I had a large white snout in front of me. Man, this thing really is distracting.

“It appears that you can. And the voice?”

“Good afternoon, Queen Moonbeam,” I evenly said. It didn’t sound like Celestia’s voice to me, but your own voice always sounds different.

She nodded either way. “Excellent. Your hair isn’t moving quite the same, but that is a small detail. Lead the way, Princess.”

Before doing so, I took a short moment to stand up straight and tall, then finally started walking down the hall. It didn’t take me long to adjust to the height difference and I confidently turned the corner to… my room. The big bug walked at my side, wearing a small smile.

When we got close to my room, one of the guards bowed and the other opened the door for us. “Thank you,” I said with a nod as we passed them and entered into the sitting room. He didn’t reply, aside from closing the door behind us.

“See there?” Moonie said. “No problem at all.”

“No problem at all… yet,” I said. “If there ever is a problem, I might be fucked.”

“Then it is in your best interest to ensure that there is not one. Remain here. I will summon you once I explain it to Twilight.”

She started walking to the door to the bedroom, but I quickly asked, “Why would I need to wait here?”

“So she does not panic when she sees a fully grown Celestia just walk in while she has the foal Celestia in her care.” She didn’t wait for more and just slipped into the other room, though she left the door open behind her so I could hear whatever they were saying. “I assume you have had no luck?” she asked.

“You assume right,” Twilight sighed. “I know a spell to age somebody down, but not to age somebody up. Even then, it’s only temporary and I doubt it would have much effect on the princess, given her age.”

I heard some angry baby noises that I assumed were coming from Celestia.

“You’re right, she did just call you old,” Moonbeam said. “Thankfully, I have found a temporary solution, though I don’t think Celestia is going to like it.”

“I’m willing to try just about anything, now,” Twilight said. “The longer this takes, the more discontent might brew under our noses. We need Celestia back where she belongs.”

“I have the next best thing,” Moonie said. “Come on in.”

I decided that was as good a cue as any and walked in. As soon as I was clear of the door, I spread my wings out and said, “What up, bitches?”

A very pregnant silence followed that. Moonbeam was smirking, Twilight’s mouth had dropped, and baby Celestia looked beyond furious. The silence gave me time to check out the emotional auras surrounding Twilight and Celestia. Celestia’s was black mixed with yellow and seemed to be spiky. Twilight’s was yellow and orange and looked more even. Seeing their auras made me realize that I hadn’t seen any around the guards.

“Our dear friend Navarone has volunteered to cover for Celestia while she is… indisposed,” Moonbeam said.

“This is… such a bad idea,” Twilight slowly said.

“Hey, I said the same thing!” I replied. “I truly did teach you well, my dearest student.”

“Hmm…” She walked over closer to me and her eyes narrowed. “You turned her into a changeling?”

“I did,” Moonie said. “As long as she can keep the act up, we will have time to figure out how to fix Celestia.”

“Unless she stops acting like a cute widdle baby,” I said with a smirk in her direction. In response, she started to wail and flail her front hooves around. Her aura turned straight black and started jerking around even more.

“That’s no way to treat a foal, Princess,” Moonbeam said, walking over to Celestia. She picked her up and started rocking her. “There, there, little one. Momma Moonie will take good care of you!”

For some reason, that just made her start crying even more and put more yellow back in her aura. “Twilight, would you mind…?” I asked. Twiley rolled her eyes and the princess found herself silenced. “Thank you. As amusing as her contributions are, we have more important things to be discussing.”

“What did Athena have to say?” Twilight asked me. “Can she help?”

“Um. I dunno, I didn’t ask.”

“What? Why didn’t you ask?!” That put some black in her aura. These things are really distracting.

“Well I mean, we already know how to fix it. Celestia just has to stop doing… that,” I said, waving a wing toward her. She was still flailing around and trying to make noise. “I honestly assumed she would have fixed herself by now. I guess she’s more immature than I thought.”

“You are not helping,” Twilight said. “Ugh. Where’s the book? I’ll go ask her myself.”

“I actually need your help,” I said. “I’m low on energy and I need to feed. You mind a little horizontal tango to get me charged up?”

“Well, there’s another thing I never expected to hear from Celestia’s voice,” she said. “I suppose today will be a day of firsts.”

“I will go get the book,” Moonie said. “I will also explain to Nav’s staff that she will not be returning soon. I’ll take Celestia with me and return when the two of you have finished.”

“The book is in my room, on my desk,” I said. “It’s the really big, creepy one. Whatever you do, don’t open it.”

“I am aware, Navarone. I shall take care.” She floated the miniature Sunbutt to her back. “Come along, Celly. We’re going on an adventure!” With that, the two of them vanished.

“She better not open it,” I muttered.

“Nav, what are you thinking?” Twilight asked. “You’re gonna get yourself killed!”

“Not with you and Moonie helping me keep up the act,” I said. “You two do all the magical shit for me, I pretend to be a pretty pony princess, Celestia deals with being tiny. It’ll be super simple.”

“No, it won’t be simple at all! It’s already not simple! The princess is a foal and I have no idea how to fix her. Equestria absolutely does not need you on the throne right now, Nav. Discord could wait until you’re on the throne and then reveal you!”

“Our other option is letting Celestia be absent for even longer. Either someone replaces her or we risk the ponies freaking out because Celestia’s vanished without a trace. Which would you prefer?”

“I will admit that neither option strikes my fancy, but—”

“But nothing, Twilight. I’m doing this and you’re going to help me. You can start by feeding me some lust.”

She sighed and hung her head. “I don’t like it, but… alright, Nav. Turn back and I’ll teleport us to my room.”

“I have a different idea in mind,” I said, my eyes slowly moving to Celestia’s bed.

“Oh no. No, we are not doing anything in here!”

I looked back at Twilight and smiled. “My dear student, I’ve heard you and our friend Nav have been learning all kinds of fun things, but you haven’t sent me any letters about them! To make up for it, you’ll be demonstrating them for me.”

“No!” She may have said no, but her aura was starting to turn pink.

“Come now, Twilight. You love teaching and showing off what you’ve learned! I would be delighted to be your pupil today. I’m sure you have so much to show me!”

“Ugh…” It was now more pink than yellow or orange.

“There’s nothing to be worried about, dear. Our lessons are absolutely confidential!”

Twilight finally facehooved. “Fine. Buck it. Whatever. Get on the bed.” I smiled and trotted over to Celestia’s expansive bed, then plopped myself down. Twilight approached with some trepidation in her face.

“I’m sure this will be very therapeutic,” I said with a sweet grin. “Just think of everything’s Celestia’s done to you and take it all out on my horse pussy.”

Twilight stopped in her tracks, her eyes slowly going wide. Finally, a very dark smile came over her face and her aura turned bright pink. An uncomfortably large looking strapon appeared under her and she continued to approach, her smile growing darker.

My smile just grew even more.

By the time Twilight exhausted herself, I was completely full and somehow still sexually unsatisfied. I had a feeling that’s what eating lust did to a changeling, so I didn’t think too much about it. When she finally pulled away, Moonbeam teleported in with a fairly dour expression on her face. “Finally,” she said. “You two are like rabbits!”

“Is that jealousy I hear?” I panted. “There’s plenty of room for three on this wonderful bed!”

“As tempting as it might be, I’m afraid I’ll have to decline,” she sarcastically replied. “After all, I wouldn’t want to do anything inappropriate in front of a foal.” She floated Celestia off her back and gently placed her on the floor. Celestia glared at me with a very uncomfortable intensity. “And here is the book.” She floated that over to the pile of others that Twilight had in the room.

Twilight hopped off the bed and onto her shaky legs, then floated Celestia over. “I’ll go talk to Athena. Nav, you get cleaned up and ready for your… princess duties.” The real Celestia snorted, but thankfully didn’t start crying again. Once the two of them were in front of the book, Twilight opened it up and they got sucked in by the tentacles.

“Is that… supposed to happen?” Moonie asked.

“Yeah, that’s normal. Well, relatively. Wanna help me wash my pretty pastel mane?”

“No, but I will anyway. Come along, your highness.” She lifted me with magic and carted me off to Celestia’s bathroom. Thankfully, there actually was a shower attachment, even if it was probably rarely used. “It appears that your student did quite a number on you.”

“Yes, Twilight and I had a few things that we needed to… work out, so to say. It’s amazing how much stress you can build up when you don’t properly express yourself.”

“So you’ve been lying to your student, hm?” She finally thrust me into the water. Thankfully, it was nice and warm. I couldn’t use my hooves for anything, so she started cleaning me up. It was annoying, but about par for the course, all things told.

“Lying is such a… strong word,” I replied. “There are a few pieces of knowledge I didn’t think she was ready for. She didn’t appreciate my caution. I’m afraid despite all my wise words of warning, Navarone’s recklessness has infected her. Not all friends are good influences, sadly.”

“You really do sound exactly like her,” Moonie said. “Or at least, close enough to fool the casual observer. Enunciate more, pause less, and put more feeling in your words.”

“I’ll certainly do my best,” I said. “But I was not expecting to be doing this today and I am in no way prepared. I really hope Athena can fix this.”

“I highly doubt it. If not, I will take Celestia back to the hive, where I can keep her close to me without rousing any suspicions. You keep Twilight with you. If anyone asks, just tell them she’s learning how to lead.”

“...Why don’t we just turn her into the fucking changeling, then?” I asked. “She knows Celestia better than me, anyway.”

“Twilight is very intelligent,” Moonbeam said. “But she has very little common sense or wisdom. She would make a very good advisor but a very poor ruler. I am of the opinion that Celestia is grooming her for a role as a princess, so this will be a plausible excuse.”

“...Is that something Celestia told you, or something that you suspect?”

“Something that I suspect. Truly, it makes me weep for the world.”

“Twilight isn’t that bad. At least, not anymore. Despite what Celestia may believe, I think I’ve been nothing but a good influence on her.”

“Just keep telling yourself that,” she said. “Judging by the way she was going at you earlier, I’d say you’ve been more of a slutty influence than a good one.”

“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex, Moonie. You should know that by now.”

“I didn’t say you were a bad influence, I said you were a slutty one. Now that I see your… princesshood, I see that I was correct.” She started washing it with a smirk on her face. “How did it feel to eat lust, Celly?”

I moaned at her touch and felt my back legs shivering. “Addictive,” I sighed. “After eating so much, I still want more!”

“And your body changes to accommodate it, you know. You get more sensitive and you ache less afterwards. You’re always ready to go at a moment’s notice. Just think: If you stayed as a changeling, you could have whatever body you wanted. None of the ponies would ever have to know who you really were while you were lying with them. If you wanted, you could pretend I turned you back and resume your old form in public, while being yourself in private… You control your abilities well enough that it would be easy to conceal and you have enough changelings in your employment that you could pretend to be.”

She fell silent and continued cleaning my body. I thought about what she said and honestly, it had potential. I could be myself again. Or even more to the point, I could be invisible again. With the chance to be anybody whenever I wanted, I could walk around town as a normal person. If I ever was discovered, so what? I could just have myself changed back. It would make the festivals a lot more fun, too; if I was feeding on lust, I could do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted.

“I will think about it,” I finally replied. “If I do end up doing it, it won’t be permanent, though. It’ll just be until I go to Tartarus.”

“I never expected it would be. After so long as a changeling now, I don’t know if I would go back to my original form. I can’t imagine being something else permanently. Even the three days I impersonated Princess Mi Amore Cadenza were unpleasant.”

“Yeah, being something else really fucking sucks. I’ve been fucked up for so long that I barely remember what I used to be like.”

She paused for a moment before slowly continuing. “I really appreciate having someone who I can empathize with. That, more than anything, has helped me remember who I once was, and realize who I want to be.”

“...Would you believe that seeing you trying so hard is part of what made me want to change myself?”

“Perhaps. If that’s the case, it would make you the first person in a very long time that I have helped. I really hope things work out better for you than they did for Celestia. That child turned into... something rotten. She used everybody around her until their use was up and then threw them aside. Me. Her sister. You. Reginald, as much as I despise him. Countless others. I do not think she intends to tell her ponies that she lied about raising the sun.”

That made me blink. “She lied to me?”

“...I would be very, very cautious once you find the last Element of Harmony, Navarone. I have seen Celestia work in the past. You have angered her beyond reason. Once she believes she is secure from Discord, your use to her might be at an end.”

“Moonbeam, I am going to ask you a question. Will you promise to make it confidential?”

“I will support you against Celestia on one condition, Nav.”

“Alright, what’s that condition?” Please don’t say marriage, please don’t say marriage!

“That should the need to support you over her arise, we will be wed.” God dammit. “If you rule the ponies and I rule the changelings, we will have enough power to unite this world completely. Not through force and lies, as Celestia has done, but through peace and prosperity. If your act as Celestia goes well today, we could kill her in secret and seamlessly replace her should the need ever arise. The two of us become wed and start a royal line, so we could retire when we were ready. We could eradicate Discord once and for all!”

“I’m gonna say it right now: That’s not the ideal end scenario, but I accept your condition.”

“And what do you want for yourself after this is over, Nav? Have you decided yet?”

“No. I just really don’t want to have to replace Celestia. Her life fucking sucks.”

“Then change it, Nav. With you on the throne, you can make your leadership whatever you wanted. Hooves on, hooves off, something in between. You could have your own court, your own servants, your own employees, your own family. It would take time to change things to your liking, but you’d have all the time in the world.”

“...We’d be replacing Celestia’s lie with our own.”

“Hm. We shall see what the future holds. At the very least, my condition for supporting you against her is that we be wed. If my support backfires on me, I’ll need your help to hold myself upright.”

“Agreed.” I could learn to love her, but I don’t really want it forced on me.

“We will not speak of this once Celestia restores her body,” she said. With that, she cut the water off and used magic to force the water off my body. “Let us see if they have returned.”

I carefully got out of the tub and followed her back to the other room. Twilight and baby Celestia were back. Both of them were blue and orange. “No luck?” I asked.

“Not much,” Twilight said. “Apparently Celestia was cursed never to age again so her time as a foal would be permanent, but Athena was able to break that. At least now if Discord decides not to restore her age, she’ll still grow up eventually.”

“That will do for now,” Moonbeam said. “I will consult a few of my allies while I look after Celestia and will return with her tonight. You two will need to cover for Celestia until then.”

“Man, Athena’s fucking worthless,” I said. “I thought an eternally ancient mage could actually do stuff.”

“Most of our issues have come from Discord,” Twilight replied. “I guess her magic doesn’t do much against it.”

So again, useless. “Whatever. What’s on the agenda today, Twilight?”

“Today is a day that Celestia usually holds court. You’ll be arbitrating disputes, answering questions, and solving problems.”

“Navarone is good at that,” Moonbeam said. “It should be no problem.” The way Celestia was still glaring at me and turning black again, I think she disagreed. “Good luck.” The two of them vanished without another word, leaving me with Twilight.

“This is such a bad idea,” she sighed.

“Get over it. Are you ready?”

“Let me clean the smell off real quick.” Her eyes closed and a circle of light moved from her head down to her hooves. When it disappeared, her eyes opened. “There we go.”

“If you could have just done that, why did I have to take a bath?”

“I can smell like nothing. You have to smell like Celestia.” I keep forgetting they’re horses. “Now, shall we get this travesty on the road?”

“Chin up, Twiley. The two of us working together can make anything happen.”

That actually put a small smile on her face and lightened her aura considerably. “If we can make this work, I guess you’re right.”

“That’s the spirit. Now, you are going to be acting as my student today. I’ll be pretending to teach you how to rule. If I ever need your help with something, I’ll ask for your input so I can use it as a lesson.”

“That makes sense. If I think you need my magic for anything, I’ll do it for you.”

“Excellent. Just one more thing, then.” I walked over to her, pulled her in with my wings, and kissed her. She struggled for a moment in surprise, then just let it happen. When I had my fill of her, I pulled back with a smile. Her aura was back to bright pink. “For luck,” I said with a wink.

“...I never thought I’d kiss Princess Celestia.”

“We were just doing a lot more than that, silly. Shall we?”

“After you, your highness,” she replied with a smirk and a bow. I started walking to the door, a smile on my face. She opened it with magic before we got there and we finally entered the hall. Since I was apparently supposed to be holding court, I began walking to the throne room. One of the guards began following us. Why don’t either of those guys have auras? What the fuck?

All my time spent as Celestia’s bootylicious booty-call taught me how to get from her room to her throne room, so we made pretty good time. There were another two guards standing at the entrance of it. One of them had a pink aura and the other one had a blue one. They both opened the doors for me and Twilight, so we just let ourselves inside. The guard that followed us joined the other at the bottom of the dais as I ascended to the top and sat on the throne. It was surprisingly comfortable. The other guard in the throne room didn’t have any aura surrounding him.

As soon as my plump ass was in place, Celestia’s cute assistant walked in and then up to the throne. “Good afternoon, Princess,” she said with a bow. She didn’t seem to be feeling anything in particular.

God dammit, I have no idea what her name is. “Good afternoon,” I said, nodding. “I apologize for the delay. Something came up that I had to handle.”

“Of course, your highness. If you’re ready, I can begin allowing petitioners into the palace.”

“I am,” I said. “Twilight Sparkle will be joining me today. I would like her to gain some experience with leadership.”

Celestia’s assistant looked at Twilight for a moment before her eyes turned back to me. “I’ll begin sending ponies in at once, your majesty.” She bowed again and walked off. Since I was pretending to be a good little princess, I refused to stare at her ass, though it killed me a little on the inside.

While she was walking out, Twilight asked, “What kinds of issues do you expect to see today?”

You little bitch. “Ponies come to me for all manner of things, Twilight. The most common issues are generally relatively minor and usually impact only a few ponies. But I’ve also dealt with much larger issues, things that could affect entire regions. You’ve helped me with more than a few of those, yourself. But in all of the issues we see today, I want to stress that you remain impartial until it is time for a decision and I want you to treat each issue with respect, despite how you may view the issue personally.” I’m starting to really miss having an elemental...

She actually smiled and nodded. “Of course, Princess Celestia.”

When she shut her trap, the first petitioner entered. He was a fairly rough looking earth pony and seemed nervous. His aura was a bright and spiky yellow. He slowly shuffled closer, eyes down. Are people really this afraid of Celestia? Or are they just nervous around royalty? Tch, whatever. First petitioner, let’s do this!

When he got to what he considered was close enough, he dropped to the floor in a bow. “You may rise, sir.” He slowly got back up to his hooves, though he still refused to meet my gaze. “Good afternoon. How may I help you today?” Man, I really hope I’m not breaking all kinds of protocols.

To make a short story even shorter, he wanted Celestia to send a monster hunting squad to his village to stop a rampaging colony of fire ants. Not giant ants. Not bullet ants.

Regular ol’ fire ants.

I advised him to use a gardening hose. His face lit up and he swore up and down that the thought never occurred to him, then bowed and practically pranced out, his aura lightening immensely.

When he was gone, I couldn’t help but just stare at the door in silence, wondering what the absolute fuck was going on with Celestia’s kingdom. How in the hell was someone with that trivial of a problem allowed to even get within a hundred meters of royalty, let alone be allowed to pester Celestia about it?

I just barely got over that shock in time for the next visitor. Imagine my surprise when Kumani walked in. She didn’t bother with any obeisance or anything like that. Instead, she just walked up to the bottom of the dais and crossed her arms. Her aura was red and orange.

“Good afternoon,” I said, nodding. “I believe your name is Kumani, is it not?”

“It is, Princess Celestia,” she said.

“How may I assist you today?”

She snorted softly. “I’m here for Fleur’s beauty pageant thing. She’s been putting me up out of her own purse, but I don’t like relying on charity. I was wondering if you had anything dangerous you needed doing, something you couldn’t send one of your… ahem, valiant guards to deal with. Maybe some way I could earn my keep here in the palace.”

“Hm…” I tapped my chin with one of my shodden hooves for a moment before saying, “Nothing comes to mind at the moment. That said, I would be happy to have a room laid out for you, on the condition that you assist me with something should the need ever arise. Your dragon honor could rest at ease, knowing that I may call upon you at any moment to assist my little ponies.”

She grit her teeth, but considered it for a moment. A few seconds later, she stiffly nodded. “Okay, I guess.”

I sweetly smiled. “Excellent. It will be a pleasure to have you here in the palace, Miss Kumani.” She rankled slightly and her aura turned even more red. “On your way out, speak to my assistant and ask her to have a room made ready for you. If you would like, I could send a few of my valiant guards to assist you in moving all of your luggage.”

“I don’t need any help,” she practically growled.

“I’m sure you’ll also be delighted to hear that your friend Navarone is a frequent visitor to the palace. You’ll be likely to see her quite often!”

Her teeth started grinding and she stalked out without another word, her aura about as red as it could get. Twilight giggled next to me as Kumani left.

The next visit was from an ancient, grizzled-looking unicorn with a large, pointy hat and a very long, grey beard. He slowly hobbled in before sketching an uneasy looking bow. His aura was muted to the point where I couldn’t tell what it was.

“Good evening,” I said. “How may I assist you today?”

He stood back up and actually looked me in the eye, though even he seemed somewhat nervous. “The mage’s tower would like your assistance with something, Princess,” he said. “We have no right to ask for your help after all that you’ve done for us, but we hope this won’t trouble you much.”

“I’d be happy to hear your request,” I said with a nod. Here’s hoping it’s not as retarded as moving an ant bed.

“We have sent many missives to Lady Navarone, but she has ignored all of them. We would like you to ask her to meet with the Seven. You’re the only pony with any manner of control over her, so we are hoping you would be able to get her to join us.”

“May I ask what the purpose of this meeting is?” I asked.

“I’m afraid it’s private,” he said, lowering his eyes. “Though I will guarantee that she won’t be in any danger.

“Well. I happen to know that Lady Navarone very rarely reads her mail. I also happen to know that she has not been to her home near the Everfree Forest near Ponyville in quite some time. It’s very possible she has not seen any of the missives yet. I would be happy to ask her to join you the next time I see her. I’ll do my best to stress the urgency of the matter, though I can make no guarantees. It’s occasionally possible to make her see sense, but she is very willful.”

“So we’ve seen, your majesty,” he said. “All I ask is that you inform her that we would be very happy to meet with her.” He bowed again, then he vanished.

I looked toward Twilight. “You see Navarone more often than I, these days. Please tell her to visit the mage’s tower the next time you see her.”

“Of course, Princess,” she said, rolling her eyes.

The next few petitioners were more terrified looking peasants with retarded problems. I gave them more common sense answers that they were very delighted with.

Does Celestia really do this all the time? Why on earth doesn’t she delegate this bullshit out? This is a complete waste of time.

The next petitioner was something of a surprise, though. As soon as one of the grinning peasants walked out, Discord appeared in the middle of the throne room. Twilight shot to her hooves and the guards both jumped in front of me. Twilight’s aura was bright yellow. Discord didn’t have one at all.

“Greetings, Celestia!” he boomed, lifting his fucked up arms way above his head.

“Hello, Discord,” I calmly replied, doing my best to not panic. “Did you wait your turn for an audience?” Twilight’s mouth dropped and her head turned to me in shock.

He blinked in surprise and his arms slowly lowered. Once they were down, he looked behind him, where there was a dumbfounded female pegasus who was just staring at him in shock from the door. He looked back at me somewhat sheepishly. “...No.” Twilight’s head moved back to him so quickly I thought her neck might break.

“I’m afraid I’m a little bit busy for a social call at the moment and cutting in line is very rude,” I said. A part of me was wondering when he would just smite me or call me an impostor and get it over with, but I was having too much fun to give up. “You should apologize and wait your turn.” Twilight made a croaking noise as her head swiveled back to me again.

He sighed and hung his head, then floated over to the horrified pegasus. She looked like she was about ready to bolt, but her legs were shaking too much to move. He graciously bowed before her and said, “I’m terribly sorry for my rude behavior.” With that, he vanished.

Holy fucking shit, that actually worked. Twilight’s ass hit the floor and she just stared at where Discord had been, horror across her face. I grinned down at the pegasus who was still standing there in mute horror, surrounded by a yellow aura. “Please come in, dear.”

Since the great princess just banished the horrifying abomination, she seemed to gain back her mettle and unsteadily continued in, though her eyes moved around the room several times before she bowed. “W-what was that, Princess?” she asked while prostrated.

“That was Discord,” I said. “He’s a being of pure chaos and disorder. But enough of him. How may I help you today?”

I guess Celestia radiates a very calming effect, because the pegasus didn’t really seem too put off by the horrifying magical entity that just appeared in front of all of us and then vanished again without a trace. She stood back up, took a deep breath, and said, “I’m from a small town way out west, your highness. We’ve recently had an influx of griffin migrants. Most of them are skilled workers and their talons make them very versatile. They’ve been undercutting the established merchants to steal our customers! They’re able to create things of a similar quality in a much shorter time frame than us ponies. We want to force them to raise their prices to match ours before they drive us out of business!” Her aura slowly evened itself back out as she spoke until it was red and black.

You stupid racist bitch. “Hm. How many of these griffins have their own storefronts already?” I asked.

“Not many of them, thankfully,” she said. “If necessary, it wouldn’t be hard to force them out entirely.”

“And have any of them broken any laws?”

“Not yet, but it’s only a matter of time.”

Let’s see, how would Celestia handle this?

…

I’m not about to turn a bunch of griffins into changeling food.

“Have you considered offering these griffins jobs?” I asked.

Her aura turned yellow and purple and she blinked. “Y-your majesty?”

“The established merchants already have the customers and storefronts,” I said. “The griffins have equivalent skills and the ability to do the same job faster, on average. If you partnered with them, you would gain their skills and their speed and they would gain your customers and your storefront. You would both stand to profit.”

“But they eat m-meat!”

“So do pet dogs,” I said. Her ears flinched and some of the purple disappeared. “Griffins are predators. Their diet requires them to eat meat. The animals they farm for food are bred specifically to not be intelligent, so they harm no sapient creature.”

“They’re violent and unruly!”

“On average, perhaps. But the same could be said of every being that comes from a troubled land. Their kingdom can be a very harsh one. However, most griffins that choose to settle in Equestria find themselves accepting our peaceful ways of kindness and friendship, ways that I urge you to consider when dealing with your new neighbors. And what many ponies do not know about griffins is that they are a very deeply honorable and loyal race. Once you have their friendship, they will go to the ends of Equestria for you.”

She looked away and started weakly tapping one of her hooves on the floor, turning even more yellow.

I smiled and said, “The unknown is scary to everypony, my dear. Once you get to know these griffins, I assure you that you’ll find something in them that resonates with you. All beings are capable of working together. Somepony just has to be willing to take the first step. My advice to you is to take that step. Instead of ostracising your new neighbors, get to know them. Instead of trying to outcompete them in the market, combine your strengths. Instead of forcing them out of their new homes, properly welcome them to your town.”

She sighed and hung her head. “I’ll accede to your wisdom, Princess,” she mumbled before slinking off, still bright yellow. Stupid racist bitch.

While she was walking off, I noticed that Twilight’s look of mute horror had changed to a small smile and she was surrounded by a light pink aura. I smiled back as the next petitioner walked in.

It was another terrified peasant with a bullshit request. I just barely stifled a sigh before giving him a dose of common sense.

The next dozen or so petitioners were a mix of scared peasants with bullshit problems, more racists trying to kick out residents of various species, and a single very crazy looking fellow who wanted to report a chupacabra sighting. I thanked him and dismissed him, doing my best not to laugh in his face.

Once the insane dude made it back out, both of the doors thrust open and Discord walked back in. His fucked up hands shot back above his head and he yelled out, “Greetings, Celestia!” Oh boy, here we go. The guards jumped back up in front of me.

“Hello again, Discord,” I said with a nod. He seemed to respond well to staying in character… “Have you come just to talk, or would you like to petition me for something?”

“I would like to take you on a date!” he said, bowing very theatrically.

I gotta admit, that one stumped me. My mouth may have dropped for a moment before I caught myself. For some reason that honestly kinda scared me a little, a small blush came to my face. He’s fucking with me, right? He doesn’t… he doesn’t actually want a date, right? “I… I’m flattered, but—”

He shot back upright and grinned widely. “Excellent!”

Before he could continue, I very hastily said, “But I must refuse!” His smile disappeared. “As I said, I’m very flattered, but I am not currently looking for a romantic partner.”

“Oh?” His paw snapped and I suddenly appeared in front of him, being floated by some infernal magic. He booped me on the nose with a talon and said, “I believe a certain human might think otherwise, after some of the signals you’ve sent her!”

I ignored the burning on my nose and said, “W-what that certain human and I share is entirely between the two of us.”

“Well I created that certain human, so it seems like it might be my business, too!”

“You are certainly allowed to believe that, but that doesn’t change my answer. Would you please put me down?”

He scratched at his chin for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah.” God dammit. His weird paw moved up to my hair and ran through it. “Your mane is exquisite, you know.”

“I do know, in fact,” I said. “I spend quite some time keeping it in its current state.”

The same paw moved to one of my cheeks and he leaned in much closer, his eyes seeming to zoom in on mine. “And your eyes are such a lovely shade of pink!”

“They certainly do seem to attract attention,” I slowly replied, trying not to look away.

I suddenly spun around and felt a breath of warm air uncomfortably close to my flank. Facing the other way let me see that Twilight and the guards were frozen in place, though it looked like all of them were struggling. “And your rear is just—” Getting kicked in the face by my back hooves shut him up, thankfully.

It also sent me to the floor, and I just barely caught myself and turned back to him, glaring at him. “That is no way to treat any lady!” I said, slapping a hoof on the floor. “If your advances are rebuffed, you move on, not continue to flatter in an attempt to woo her!”

He rubbed at his face for a moment before backing away a few steps. “As you wish. My apologies for the… rudeness,” he sarcastically replied. He finished with a mocking bow before disappearing. I huffed and nodded, then turned back to my throne.

When I was facing them, they all flinched and burst into motion. Twilight teleported me behind her, then a flash of purple light began moving around the room. While the light was doing its thing, the two guards jumped into attack positions on my sides.

“There’s no need for all of this,” I said.

“After what that thing did to you?” Twilight said, not looking back. “I’d say there’s a need for quite a lot more!”

“Well, I say that you are overreacting,” I said. She wasn’t holding me in place with magic, so I walked out from behind her and sat back down on my—er, Celestia’s throne.

Instead of another petitioner, Celestia’s assistant walked back in. She eyed the purple light that was still roaming around for a moment before continuing her walk and bowing in front of me. “That was the last petitioner, Princess. It… Um, it scared away the rest of them.” Strangely enough, she didn’t seem all that scared and her aura wasn’t yellow.

“Hm.” I eyed the windows for a moment. A few hours had passed and it looked like the sun was setting. I honestly hadn’t realized I had seen that many ponies. Some of them were fairly long-winded, though, so it wasn’t too big of a surprise. “That last petitioner was particularly exhausting,” I finally said. “I believe I would like to take dinner in my room.”

“I’ll have it delivered there as soon as you lower the sun,” my very capable assistant replied, finally standing back up. “Is there anything else you require, Princess?”

“Not at the moment,” I said. “Thank you.”

She blinked and a spike of purple entered her aura. “You’re… welcome, Princess.” She quickly beat hooves. I waited for her to exit before sighing and starting to follow.

Twilight hopped up in front of me before I could get far and asked, “What’s going on between you and Discord?”

“As little as possible, hopefully,” I said. “I have a feeling he was not actually interested in a date with me. His behavior is very similar to that of Navarone, it seems. In particular, he does things to toy with the emotions of others. Or, as Nav so eloquently puts it, he does things to fuck with others. Discord was likely trying to elicit a reaction from me, so I did my best not to give him one until he went too far. Generally speaking, when dealing with those who act like foals, it’s important to speak to them firmly and rebuke them quickly when they do wrong, but be merciful when they have learned their lesson.” Something I guess I should probably do when I see the real Celestia again, huh?

“...I see. What do you think we should do?”

“I think you should walk with me as I go to lower the sun, then join me for dinner.” And maybe be my main course, if you… know what I mean.

She seemed kinda conflicted and I knew that isn’t what she meant, but she finally sighed and said, “Of course, Princess.” I smiled and nodded and we all continued on our way.

It just so happened that I had absolutely no idea how to get to the fancy sun rising chamber from where we were, so I’m glad I had Twilight with me. She surreptitiously and silently guided me there.

Once we got to the large double doors, I looked at the guards and said, “Please remain here.” They both bowed and took up positions next to the doors as Twilight and I went in. Twilight pushed the doors shut with magic and I finally sighed. “Man, today’s sure been a day, huh?”

She shivered and replied, “Discord is… horrifying.” Her aura seemed fairly conflicted, being both pink and yellow.

“Yeah, dude’s like the mayor of Spooksville.”

She snorted. “I guess today continues to be a day of firsts. Hearing your words coming out of Celestia’s mouth is a very interesting experience.”

“How long does Celestia’s stupid fake sun ritual thing last? I really want to get out of these shitty gold shoes.”

“Not very long. You did well today, Nav. I’m proud of you.”

“Oooh, proud enough to please your princess?”

She turned even more pink. “And now I’m disappointed.”

“Oooh, disappointed enough to punish your princess?”

“Ugh. Aqua’s disgusted.”

“Are you?”

She smirked and I felt something brush my lower lips as her aura turned a lot more pink. “I think a reward for your efforts might be in order. Later, of course; I’d hate to leave a mess here that some poor maid will have to clean up. I’d rather leave it on Celestia’s bed!”

“Now I’m the one who’s proud,” I said with a smile. “Shall we head back to my room, then?”

“Of course, Princess. I’m going to enjoy making you into my new personal toy.” I shivered in delight, which made her giggle. “So submissive, Princess. I bet you’ve been waiting for somebody to come and take charge of your body for quite some time!”

“I’m delighted that your training is finally paying off,” I said. “I put quite a lot of effort into grooming you to be the perfect dom, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get back to your room and end this day on a good note, shall we?”

“Yep. You’ll have to lead the way, Twiley.”

“That’s mistress to you, Princess Fucktoy.” I shivered again and she led the way out, shaking her rump much more than necessary. I stared at it up until we got back out into the hall, when she unfortunately stopped. We continued much more properly on the way, with me walking next to her.

There was no food in Celestia’s room yet, not that it particularly mattered to me. Moonbeam and Celestia also weren’t back yet, so we had the entire place to ourselves. “So now what?” I asked once I had plopped down onto the bed.

“Now we wait for dinner to arrive, and then I’ll feed you,” she said. “Well, assuming you’re hungry again.”

“Changelings don’t actually feel hunger,” I said. “It’s more like a hollowness. At the moment, I’m not particularly hollow and I really don’t want to drain you more than necessary, but I would totally be down to do horribly lewd things to your maregina.”

“Welp, there’s another thing I never wanted to hear Celestia say,” she said. “If Aqua had teeth, she’d probably be grinding them.”

“Don’t bother to keep me informed about her,” I said, waving a wing.

“‘Kay. She does have a question, though. It’s kind of an important one, or at least I think it is. She wants to know when you’re planning on talking to Flo.”

“Last I heard, the elementals weren’t back yet. Did they finally show back up?”

“A few of them did, Flo included. They’re supposedly waiting at the bottom of the waterfall, but Aqua isn’t actually here and doesn’t know that for sure. The rest of them are still in Atlantis and probably will be until the ship comes to pick up the surface inhabitants. Aqua’s thinking Celestia might commission one of your ships to do it, if either of them are available. If she does, they’ll ride back on that.”

“What about Brook?” I asked.

“She’s here. Ice and Cascade are also here. The rest are in Atlantis.”

“Well, the answer to that question is whenever the fuck I feel like it. And since I know she’s going to have some shitty and snarky comeback, you can keep it to yourself. You can also keep any nonshitty or nonsnarky comebacks to yourself, because I don’t give two fucks what she has to say.”

“Alright. What if she ever feels like apologizing?”

“Then she better not use a fucking proxy to do it. She can do that shit in person. Not that it’s gonna matter, of course. She’s too much of a self-righteous cunt-canoe to ever do that. It seems like a lot of the waters are.”

Before either of them could reply, someone gently knocked on the door to the hall. Twilight sighed and walked over to open it. A few moments later, she came back in, pushing a food trolley. “I haven’t eaten all day,” she said when she got back into Celestia’s room. “I didn’t even eat dinner last night, after what happened with the princess.”

“Then dig in,” I said. “Not like I’m gonna be able to eat any of it.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” she replied with a grin. There were all kinds of things on the cart, of course. Most of it was extremely unhealthy, because Celestia apparently really doesn’t care if she has a heart attack or gets morbidly obese. That didn’t stop Twilight, who happily went to town.

A few minutes after she started eating, Moonbeam teleported back in with baby Celestia on her back. Celestia had been forced into a cute little pink dress with sandals and a little tiara. She also looked extremely pissed and her aura was completely black. Twilight looked up for a moment, her mouth stuffed full of cake, before going back to engorging herself.

“Welcome back to Canterlot,” I said. “You two have fun?”

“I did,” Moonbeam said with a grin. “And I’m sure Celly did too, even if she acted like she didn’t. How did things go here?”

“Swell,” Twilight said. It was muffled since her mouth was still full. She finally swallowed and continued, “No one even suspected. I think we might be fine indefinitely.”

“Discord popped in to say hi, though,” I said. Celestia gasped, turning slightly purple, and Moonie lifted an eyebrow. “He asked me out on a date.” That made both of her eyebrows lift up. “I turned him down, then kicked him in the face when he kept pestering me. He finally apologized and left.”

“It was actually really impressive,” Twilight said. “She handled it better than I ever could have, that’s for sure.”

“While I’m happy to hear that you kicked him in the face, I can’t help but question the wisdom,” Moonie said. “And he asked you on a date? A romantic one?”

“Yep. It was kinda weird. I turned him down gently, but it took him a little while to get the hint. I’m sure if Celestia would like to change her mind later, he would still be receptive to it.” The foal snorted, of course. I finally turned myself back to normal. Normal normal, not fucked up normal.

“It’s been a while since I saw that body,” Moonbeam said, looking me up and down. “Brown hair definitely suits you. Though the lack of wings is somewhat odd.”

“Not to me,” I replied with a shrug. That said, it did feel kind of weird to be able to shrug without feeling my wings flopping around. “I miss it. Especially my massive cock.” All three of them snorted derisively. “I don’t remember hearing any of you complaining. Anyway, you have any luck figuring out how to turn her back?”

“If I had any luck, she wouldn’t still be a foal,” Moonbeam said. “Some of the places I’ll need to go to find answers aren’t places that are suitable for a foal, so I’ll be leaving her here tonight.” She floated Celestia over to the bed and placed her next to me. Celestia looked me up and down before crawling to the far side of the bed and kicking her sandals off. “I fed her a little, but we don’t really have much food suitable for foals in the hives. I also don’t think she enjoyed what we did have.” In response, Celestia shivered.

“I’m sure Twilight and I can figure something out,” I said.

“No problem at all,” Twilight said. “There’s some stuff on this cart that would be perfect for her.” She rolled it over to the side of the bed and floated a spoon full of jello over to the princess. “Say ah!” Celestia glared at her for a moment before finally opening her mouth. She didn’t make any noises, though. Twilight giggled and fed her anyway.

“I see that she is well in hoof,” Moonie said. “If you need nothing else from me, I shall return to the hives, feed, and then continue my search.”

“How do we contact you, if anything happens?” I asked.

She looked around the room for a moment. When she spotted a black mirror lying on a desk, she lifted it up with magic so I could get a good look at it. “Look into this and say ‘Queen Moonbeam’. It will allow you to speak to the corresponding mirror in my palace. If I am not present, you will be able to leave a message that I can view when I return.”

“Neat. Wonder why Celestia didn’t give me one when I left.”

“Because you aren’t as important as I am. I will see the three of you later.” She finally teleported out.

“Not even gonna give me a kiss goodbye?” I quietly asked. Twilight didn’t reply and Celestia was too busy sucking up the thick, gooey liquid. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“I didn’t,” Twilight said. “I used magic to keep myself awake. Celestia got plenty, though.”

“You need some real sleep tonight, Twilight. I’ll watch over her.” Celestia choked on the jello and ended up spewing some of it toward Twilight, who thankfully caught it with magic.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Twilight asked as Celestia turned a glare toward me. “I don’t mind staying up with magic a few more nights. I need to do more research if I want to fix this.”

“You need actual sleep. I know from experience that staying up with magic for too long is really, really bad. You don’t want to get anywhere near that stage. And honestly, no offense to you, but I don’t think you’ll find the answer to this one in a book. Celestia and I will stay here tonight and I’ll turn into her if anything big comes up. You get some rest in your own bed.”

She bit her lower lip for a moment before nodding. “Alright. But if anything does happen, I want you to send for me. You might need my magical help.”

“You got it, babycakes.” She rolled her eyes and went back to trying to feed Celestia, who was still staring daggers at me. “Celestia, we’re not going to leave you alone like this and Twilight needs sleep. Chill out.” She went back to eating, but she seemed very reluctant and her aura was jerking around like mad.

Since they were doing their thing and I couldn’t eat anyway, I hopped up and went to take another shower. I didn’t really need one, but I really wanted to experience one without all the extraneous bullshit covering my body. The wings and the tail were really annoying to clean.

Once I got done cleansing myself again, I dried off by turning into my standard changeling body. The fire surrounding me burned off all the water and I went back to the main room like that. Celestia was done eating and seemed to be struggling to get out of her pink dress while Twilight went back to feeding herself. I walked over to the bed, turning back into a human as I went, and helped Celestia out of the dress. She let me, but struggled her way out of my grasp as soon as she was free of it. I set the dress, the sandals, and the silly tiara on one of the dressers and joined her on the bed again, turning into a changeling once more to preserve energy.

“Nav, are you… pretty?” Twilight asked. “As a human, I mean.”

“I’m more plain than anything,” I said with a shrug. “Why?”

“Because every time you get turned into something else, you’re… well, beautiful. Pony, dragon, cat, changeling, you’re really pretty as all of them. I was just wondering why, if you’re not pretty as a human.”

“I’ve been wondering the same thing. I’ve noticed that everyone that gets turned into a human is also pretty hot, though. You, Cadance, Luna, and Celestia are the only ones I’ve seen changed, but all of you were extremely fuckable. Well, Taya also turned herself into a human that one time, but she was way too young to be hot and my daughter besides, but she was cuter than average. I wonder if that’s just something the spell does.”

“...Maybe. It’ll take more testing to know for sure. I think I have the griffin spell down now, but I’m not gonna test that until after we get back from the festival. I’ll have to look for a few more volunteers, too. Male ones, preferably.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I said with a shrug.

She finally stepped back from the food cart and stretched. “It’s been a really, really long day. Are you sure you’ll be fine, Nav?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

There was definitely some conflict in her face, but the lack of sleep won out and she nodded. “Alright.” She floated me over with magic to kiss me. When she pulled away, she had a smile on her face and her aura was very pink again. “Good night, Navi.”

“Good night, Twiley,” I said as she floated me back to the bed.

“And good night to you as well, Princess,” she said, looking over at Celestia. The little princess just turned her nose up at her, which made Twilight giggle. She grabbed the food trolley and Athena's book with magic and trotted out. She closed both doors as she left.

That left me alone with Celestia, who started to glare at me again. Once I heard the second door click shut, I said, “I’m not your enemy, Celestia.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “And I’m most definitely not the one who did this to you. Beating Discord isn’t going to be easy. Without you, it might well be impossible. I know Discord made me, but I don’t know why. Maybe it was to help him, maybe it was to stop him, maybe it was just to see what I’d do. I don’t know. What I do know is that I want to stop him. I also want to be free of him. I don’t want to work around you and I don’t want to work against you. Your help will make things so, so much easier. You don’t have to like it, but you need to accept that we’re on the same side. If you want me to leave Equestria when he’s dead and gone, I will. But until then, we need to get beyond this and work together or there’s a very real chance that all the ponies will die.”

A few seconds after I stopped talking, her eyes slowly moved down and her aura lightened.

“I know you don’t like this. I know you hate what I am. Trust me when I say that I don’t like it and I hate what I am, too. I don’t want to be a puppet, some kind of construct. And I definitely don’t want the soul of some poor dead chick in me, but I think it’ll be better than letting Discord make me disappear whenever he wants. I also don’t want to have to pretend to be you. I hated that I had to do it today. I don’t want to usurp any of your power or do anything wrong. I am so far out of my league that it’s more scary than funny. Equestria needs you. I need you. Is there any way at all that you can resolve to work with me instead of against me?”

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly let it out, her aura lightening even more. When her little baby lungs were empty, her heart suddenly grew three sizes. The rest of her grew a lot more sizes as she returned to normal. Even her horn returned. Once she was normal again, she opened her eyes. It actually took her a moment to realize she had changed. When she did, she went cross eyed to check for a horn. A smile split her face and her magic lifted me up a few inches. “Finally!” she shouted, hopping off the bed. Her aura started doing all kinds of funky things before muting itself to the point where I couldn’t tell what it was.

“You know, I really kinda wanted to cuddle with you as a foal,” I said. “And also rub your belly. You were so adorable!”

“Don’t make me shrink you and shove you in that dress,” she said. Point taken. “Now then…” She settled back on the bed and let the magic holding me go. “I agree to work with you for now, Nav. I’m not entirely sure that I trust you, but I believe that the more allies I have against that thing, the better. It worries me that he created you, but I’ll accept that you didn’t realize it until he told you.”

“Cool beans. In that case, I’ll get out of your hair.” I tried standing up, but something forced me back down.

“You aren’t going anywhere until you tell me every single decision you made while you were pretending to be me,” she said. Her tone brooked absolutely no arguments, so I sighed and started talking.

When I told her about the last actual petitioner, I said, “You should really rethink your ruling scheme. There were a lot of peasants today with questions that were borderline retarded. There’s no way any of them should have been allowed to approach you. Why don’t you have some kind of screening process? That way, you can spend more time on issues that actually matter instead of bullshit like rampaging fire ants.”

“It isn’t about the issues themselves, Navarone,” she replied. “It is about being available to all of my subjects. It is about sending the message that I am approachable and that I am willing to hear the plights of everypony, powerful or weak. One of the things you noticed is that many of the ponies who approached you were afraid. Being available like this dissipates their fears of me and increases their trust in my laws and decrees. It also gives them a story to tell others. True, many of the issues I deal with commonly are of little importance and most of them are trivially easy to solve, but there is absolutely a reason for it.”

If you say so. “Whatevs. Anyway…” I started to slide off the bed again, but found that I was still immobilized. “I’d kinda like to get back home.”

“Hm…” Her eyes slowly slid up and down my body before locking back on mine. “Would you like me to change you back first?”

“I’ll get Taya to change me back in the morning,” I lied.

“As you wish.” She dragged me closer with magic and gently hugged me for a short moment. When she got bored of it, I got teleported to Moonbeam’s room. My clothes were still lying around the floor, so I changed back to my fucked up body and put everything on. A part of me wondered how Celestia knew they were there, but I honestly didn’t care that much. Once I was good to go, I pretended to forget that I was a lady and hopped out the window to fly home.

I got back as quickly as I could, to avoid freezing in the cold weather. When I got home, I landed in the front and let myself in. The guard standing on the other side saluted. “Nothing to report, my lady,” she said.

“Good. At ease.” She relaxed and I continued into the house.

When I got in, Doppel poked her head out of the living room and smiled. That smile took a very sharp turn into a frown and she shot across the room and slammed into me. “WHO ARE YOU?!” she yelled, forcing me to the ground. The guard at the door rushed in and yanked her off me and the rest of the house started coming alive as people responded to her yelling. “Let me go! That’s a changeling!”

I sat up and quickly said, “It’s me, Doppel. Moonbeam turned me into a changeling to deal with something and I haven’t gotten turned back yet.”

“Prove it!” she demanded, finally shrugging the guard off. Several more guards and a few of the crew were staring down at us from the balconies, murmuring it up.

“Uhh… This morning, you were bitching at me for jumping down the stairs instead of walking down them like a civilized person. You were also demanding that I go out in town more so ponies would visit and see how good you are at being a head of household.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief. “It is you… Sorry for attacking you, mistress…” With the emergency seemingly done, all the other plebeians went about their business.

“No worries,” I said, standing up. “I honestly forgot that’s something you’d notice. I was considering staying like this for a while so I wouldn’t have to be a complete freak of nature all the time.” Among other reasons.

“I’m surprised you mastered changing so quickly,” Doppel said, looking me up and down. “There isn’t a piece of you that’s out of place!”

“I’ve been a changeling before, for another reason. Anyway, I’ve had a long and kinda shitty day, so I’m gonna go hug my daughter and then go to bed.”

“Hmm… Would you like some extra company, mistress?” she sweetly asked.

“Yes.” She giggled and flew up the stairs, heading to my room. I grinned and followed her on the staircase.