Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/19iSUqlxC3kV3D-xBWGU1-kQZ5yj1QNtU-J4n2GiDwB8/edit

We left Canterlot around noon, which gave me plenty of time to do some things I had planned on the first day. There were a few things on my agenda of various importances. The most important one was a discussion with Mist, so I made sure that came first by getting Flo to tell her to meet me in my room.

I kinda expected her to slide through the window, but instead, Mist slid up to my room and knocked on the open door. “Come on in,” I said. At the moment, I was in there alone. The way I figured, if Mist had kept it a secret until now, she might continue to want to do so.

“Flo said you needed to speak with me,” she said, entering my room. “Is there some way I can assist you?”

“Maybe. Close the door, if you don’t mind.” She did so without a word, though she turned a slightly darker blue. “Flo tells me that you happen to know the fire elemental we are on the way to pick up.”

She turned slightly yellow. “Oh. So it seems that Naiad cannot keep her silence. Well, it is no matter and will be public knowledge as soon as we save him. Yes, I do know this fire elemental. His name is Blaze.”

“Hm. And I was told you happened to be his warden. I’m not entirely certain he’ll be happy to see you, in that case. Are you sure it’s wise to get him first, if he might be angry when he sees you?”

She blinked in surprise and turned several colors very quickly before settling on a very light pink. “Naiad must have misunderstood me. I was not keeping him prisoner, I was keeping him protected. We were secret lovers and I didn’t want any of my sisters to… With the war, I was concerned for his safety. I was afraid to share that information for so long, but now… Well, I suppose it no longer matters, these days.”

“Um. How is that even… You know what, never mind. So were you planning on telling anyone this or were we just going to have to figure it out last second?”

She blushed and turned a few shades closer to red. “I don’t see how it’s anyone else’s business. If I had a hostile relationship with him, I would warn you. But as it is, our love will shine through and he’ll join us as soon as he sees me again.”

It’s fucking shit like this that gets people killed, oh my god. “In the future, if you happen to have any information about a potentially dangerous situation we’re going into otherwise blind, please share it with the rest of us,” I said. “Just because you don’t think it’s important doesn’t mean it might not pan out to be that way.”

She turned a lot more red. “I see no way this could become a dangerous situation. I will soon be returning to my lover’s arms. It will be a painful reunion, but one well worth having. It will be glorious and sweet and romantic, not any kind of dangerous!”

Are you actually retarded or are you just pretending? “Alright, whatever. Do you mind telling the rest of your sisters the truth? And uh… Aerie? She might be a little jealous.”

“I will happily tell them, not that it’s their business. And that airheaded hussy can be jealous all she wants. Blaze is mine and he will always be mine.”

Alrighty then. “Thank you, Mist. That’s all I needed.”

Her color turned back to its standard blue. “Very well then, Navarone. Forgive my… passion. It has been some time since we have seen each other and I will be happy to see him again.”

“Well with luck, you should be reunited within three weeks.” She turned very pink. “It’ll be interesting to see you together.”

She sighed wistfully and turned to the door. “Never let anyone tell you that love doesn’t hurt,” she said as she oozed out.

When she was gone, I slowly let out a breath. Okay, so, thoughts?

“No.”

No what? Like, she’s not in love?

“No, I have no thoughts.”

That also works. Before I could hop up to move on to my next task, the most bipedal of my vassals entered, carrying what looked like a brand new and very different crossbow. “That looks interesting,” I said.

Kat held it out for me to take. “This is what I commissioned from the metal workers,” she said as I took it. I stood and held it up to my shoulder to get a feel for it. “It’s much smaller and lighter than Spike’s. I had Sunshine Smiles draw it up for me based on the design from the other one and then had metalcrafters with more and better tools build it for me.”

“It’s also curvier.” The thing was just a tiny bit too small for my arms and it didn’t fit very comfortably against my body. “It doesn’t feel right, to me. How do you like it?” I asked as I handed it back.

“It fits me much better than the other one,” she said. “That was large. Bulky. Far too heavy. This is much more… elegant.” She held it up, aiming it at the window.

I slowly walked around her, looking at how it molded against her body. “A smaller, curvier build for a smaller, curvier person,” I said when I was behind her. From the looks of things, she wasn’t even aiming down the sights. “You’re holding it very strangely. Can you actually shoot like that?”

“This is how I held yours and I did well with it.”

“Do you mind if I do something weird?”

“I do not.”

I stepped in closer, so I was pressing into her from behind. My body didn’t fit too well against hers, but it was well enough that I could wrap my hands around her paws on the crossbow and slowly move it to where I would hold it if I was her. “How does this feel?” I asked.

“I… You feel very nice against me,” she purred, her tail wrapping around one of my legs.

“Um. I meant the crossbow. This is how I aim. That’s what the sights up front are for.”

“O-oh. Uh… I thought those were for decoration…” She went silent for a moment. “Why do I need to aim?”

I finally stepped away from her. She lowered the crossbow and turned back to me. “Really? How else are you going to hit anything?”

She shrugged. “I can just tell. I see where the bolt is pointing and just know where it’ll go.”

“Huh. A true predator’s instincts, I guess. How well does this thing shoot?”

“Very. I took several of Spike’s bolts and tested it before paying the other half. It’s yet to draw blood, but I have no problems hitting targets.”

“With luck, it’ll never have to draw blood. But we’re not allowed to have nice things, so I have a feeling you’ll be very happy you invested in it soon. Next time we’re at a friendly port, I wouldn’t mind firing it.”

“Why wait? We can clear the deck and shoot it now. It’s a beautiful day out, too.”

“Nah, I don’t like shooting on the ship. If we were over an ocean, maybe. Here, you never know if you might have a train or a pegasus or some kids just wandering through woods on the other side of that bolt.”

“Oh. Yeah, that does make sense. I’m sure you’ve probably noticed, but cats aren’t good at thinking about the bigger picture. We find something we want to do and we just do it.”

My wings twitched and she flinched. “I’m aware. That is something you will need to learn to curb. I’m happy to have you on my side, but it can be difficult to make use of you when I know how much of a wildcard you can be.”

“I am learning to hold back, but it is a… process.” She sighed and walked over to look out the window. “Fighting one’s own nature is difficult.”

Don’t I fucking know it. “Bettering yourself is always worth it. Of course, you have to decide for yourself if you actually are bettering yourself and not just changing yourself to better fit what I want.”

“What is better for me is what you want,” she said. “You are my lady, my liege, my mistress.” She finally looked back at me. “Your needs and wants supercede mine. Watcher and Gourd would say the same.”

“Hell no they don’t. You are your own person, Kat. What you want for yourself is what matters, not what’s most convenient for me.”

She shook her head and said, “You are our noble now, Nav. What I want for me is what’s most convenient for you. You do not yet understand what it means to be a noble. Your vassals live to serve you. That is the reason we wake up in the morning. We signed our lives completely and totally to you. What I want no longer exists. What Gourd and Watcher want no longer exists. You are now our lives. That is what it means to be a vassal. That is the responsibility you agreed to when you swore us in.”

“That’s bullshit and—”

“I wanted this!” That stopped me in my tracks. “So did Watcher. So did Gourd. The three of us spoke before we all came to your room that day. Watcher outlined exactly what we would be agreeing to. I told you once that if you ever created your own nation, I would come and serve you. I meant it. I will serve you in whatever capacity you will have me and I will become whatever you need me to be. I want to serve you. I want to be yours. None of us took that oath lightly. And none of us plan on rescinding it when this journey is done.”

We shared a fairly lengthy and uncomfortable silence. The certainty and earnesty in her gaze honestly shocked me. It’s hard for me to imagine ever being that loyal to someone. That probably says a lot about my character, not that it mattered at the moment.

I finally asked, “Why?”

“Their reasons are their own,” she said with a shrug. “They didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. I have a few reasons. The only choices I have ever made in life were destructive. Every time I was allowed to choose my own way, I chose wrong. Every time, I chose destruction. That led me down a dark path, a path that I learned to revel in, despite myself. Now, I want to give to the world. I want to know what it feels to create, not destroy. But even after I became free, all I knew was violence. So I decided that if I couldn’t create, I would follow someone who could, someone who could use my destructive abilities to help others. Someone who could make the right decisions for me.”

“...And you settled on me for that?”

She nodded. “There were no doubts in my mind. Out of everyone in the world I have met, out of all the leaders and the commoners and the villains and the heroes, I feel that you have the most potential. I will follow you in creation. I will follow you in destruction. I will follow you and I will be what you want and what you need.” She stepped forward and placed a paw against my heart. “I will follow this wherever it takes me with no regrets and no reservations.”

“Oh.”

We stood in silence for several more long seconds before she pulled her paw away, blushing. “I’ll… see you later…”

She tried moving past me, but I grabbed the same paw she had against my heart. That stopped her, but she still didn’t look at me. “Thank you, Kat. Your trust means a lot to me. I’m just not… For a very long time, I never got praise. Now that I do, I’m having a hard time handling it.”

The silence came back, but it didn’t last nearly as long. When I released her paw, she turned back and hugged me. That shocked me, and I didn’t have time to hug her back before she left.

Despite still having a few things I needed to do, I couldn’t help but sit in my room for about fifteen or so minutes, thinking about what just happened. It was unexpected, to say the least.

“Is this really what it means to be a noble?” I finally asked aloud.

“What has changed?” Flo asked. “They were already following you. Kat was already becoming what you wanted. How is this different? Making it official with laws and oaths means nothing, not when the result is the same. Do you think any of them took that oath lightly, Nav? You are worthy of it. And the longer you spend in charge of them, the more worthy you will become and the more they will mold to fit what you need. They do it willingly and happily. That is their choice. Trying to fight it means undermining the last choice they made, the choice they made to trust wholly and totally in you.”

I let that sink in for a few moments before slowly sighing. “My life has taken so many turns. How much of who I was is left, Flo? How much of me is something my parents would recognize? How much… Would my own twin sister even know me now? Would she see me as her brother, her blood? Or would I just be a stranger to her?”

“You have left your old life behind, Nav. There is no shame in it. When you first got to Equestria, you helped Luna run a haunted house. Do you remember the mirror room?” I did. Forgetting it would be difficult. “Despite Luna’s insanity, the script she gave you was accurate. You will always be you. Revel in what you are. Don’t think about what you were, don’t think about what you’ll be. Don’t think about what others will see you as. Be someone you can be happy with. By the time you become it, the skin will fit you so well that you won’t even notice the changes. And if it means leaving others behind, either willingly or not, so be it. Life moves ever forward, Nav. Never backward. They might recognize you. They might not. You can’t let your old memories stop you from moving forward, because you will never be able to go back to them. Remember, but do not let who you were shape your path.”

I slowly breathed in. I slowly breathed out.

I stood and walked out. Nothing else I had planned was urgent, so I slowly ambled to the deck, then wandered to the far front of the ship. No one bothered me, though a few of my guards nodded as I passed. I paid them no mind and found myself standing at the tip of the ship, my ship, and just staring ahead.

Some amount of time later, I was forced out of my thoughts by arms wrapping around my stomach and picking me up. My wings and back were pressed against something fairly hard and warm. Flo calmed me before I could begin struggling and my assailant giggled. “I didn’t think you’d be that light, Nav,” Spike said.

“Some of us aren’t made of scales and muscles. You can put me down now.”

Instead of putting me down, he sighed and looked over my shoulder. “I love this view. Standing up here at the front of the ship… It makes me feel like the king of the world, you know?”

“Yeah, it really makes you feel like you’re flying,” I sarcastically replied. “Are you planning on putting me down?”

“I dunno. I’d say you really missed me, if you’re even changing your wing to remind you of me.”

“Spike, put me down.” He laughed again and finally put me down. I turned to face him and found that he was smiling widely, of course. “I’m surprised I didn’t see you in Canterlot.”

“I woulda been there for your ceremony, but no one told me there was going to be one! I stayed in Ponyville to see some of my friends there. I didn’t know you were a noble until the ship came and picked us all up!”

“Well, whatever. I’m a noble now.”

“And congratulations on it, Nav! You really earned it. I just know you’re gonna do so much good now that you have all this extra power. I can’t wait to watch and help!”

“Which is something I need to speak to you and a few others about. You mind finding a few people and getting them to meet me?”

“Of course! Who do you need?”

“Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Gilda, the naga, and you. Tell them to meet me in the planning room in ten minutes. If you can’t find them, I’ll deal with them later.”

“Alright! What are we gonna talk about?”

“Getting paid. I’ll explain in detail when you’re all together, so I don’t have to repeat myself.”

“Okay, I’ll go look for them,” he said with a nod. With that, he turned and started walking back to the ship’s innards. Once he got inside, I stretched and then went directly to the planning room.

Gourd and Silver Quill were sitting in there, using the large table to go over a list of goods and expenses. They both looked up when I entered, of course. “Hey Nav,” Gourd said with a nod. “You need anything?”

“Nah. I’m just doing a small meeting. It shouldn’t take long and it should be quiet. It might also involve Silver, so it’s a good thing you guys are here anyway.”

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked, her eyes going wide.

“Not as far as I know,” I said with a shrug. “But you’re my accountant and I’m going to be talking about paying them, so you might have some input. And they might end up coming to you when we’re done talking, so there’s that.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll be here!” I nodded and they both went back to working. I walked over to the large table and leaned against it, so I was facing the door.

About eight minutes later, all of the people I named except the naga were present. He was nowhere to be found, which needed looking into later. Dash was bouncing from hoof to hoof. Gilda was leaning against Spike. Applejack just looked bored.

I crossed my arms and started talking. “A few days ago, I became a noble. When I did, I told Watcher and Gourd to make sure each of you got paid for your services as guards aboard the ship. Did that happen?” They all made noises of agreement. “Good. Applejack, Dash, I know neither of you particularly want to be on this ship, but—”

“I love it here!” Dash quickly said. “Adventuring is awesome!” Applejack rolled her eyes.

“...Applejack, I know you don’t particularly want to be on this ship. And Dash, I know you’re forced to be here even if you like it. You’re both pulling your weight, and I’m happy to keep paying because of it, as long as you’re both willing to keep working. You’ll get the same rates as the guards under Watcher’s command. With that pay will come more trust, of course. You two will be my employees for the duration of the trip, or until you decide you no longer wish to be. Are you interested?”

Dash’s hooves all clicked together and then she lifted one of her front hooves in a salute. “I’m your mare, Nav!”

Applejack didn’t bother with the theatrics and just nodded. “Money’s not bad. I don’t need it, but my family does. I ain’t gonna be salutin’ you, but I’ll keep workin’.”

“I don’t particularly care about getting saluted, but Watcher might.” I looked over my shoulder at my accountant. “Silver, can you add Rainbow Dash and Applejack to the payroll?”

She blinked her way out of her work and looked up. “Sorry, what?”

“Rainbow Dash and Applejack are guards now. Make sure they get paid.”

“Oh. Of course. Anything else?” I shook my head and she continued what she was doing.

“What about me?” Gilda asked. “You make me come up here just to talk about them?”

“Patience is a virtue,” I said. “And you’re next anyway. Now, I know you don’t need the money and I doubt you’re interested in taking orders from a pony. I can’t make you a vassal since you’re a noble lady of another nation and I probably wouldn’t if I could. That puts you in a weird grey area. I’ll pay you if you want and call you a scout, or you can just keep being what you are and I’ll help shore up your funding if you want to get something reasonable and don’t have the bits on hand for it.”

She shrugged. “I don’t really care. I signed on for adventure. Honestly, I was expecting more treasure and less world saving, but I’m still having fun. Those giant spiders were the best! So do whatever. As long as the adventures keep coming, I’m here to stay.”

“That works, I guess. You’re another unique case, Spike,” I said. “I’m willing to pay you as a guard if you want, but there’s a problem. You’re a dragon, so you’ll grow with your hoard. The pay isn’t too terribly great, but it might be enough. It might also be enough to start striking at your greed. So I have a few options for you. If you think you can control yourself, I’ll add you to the payroll as well and that’ll be that. If you think it might be a problem but you still want money, I can have Silver start adding up weeks and keep a track of how much you should have earned and give it to you in a lump sum once the journey’s over. Or you can just forego getting paid, like Gilda.”

He clacked his claws together a few times, just thinking. Finally, he shrugged. “I’m a dragon, Nav. I’ll live long enough that I won’t miss a few bits. But having those bits now might mean I’ll miss spending time with you. So don’t worry about paying me. I’ll keep growing naturally so I can stay on the ship for as long as possible!” Dash and Applejack both smiled. Gilda snorted and rolled her eyes.

“That works for me,” I said with a shrug.

“But I do have a question,” he said. I nodded for him to continue. “You said you can’t make Gilda a vassal. And Applejack and Rainbow Dash are Elements of Harmony, so they probably shouldn’t be your vassals either. But what about me? Could you make me one?”

“In theory, I could. And at the end of this journey, we’ll sit down and talk about it at length. But until this journey is over, I will not make you a vassal.”

His ear spines sank a little. “Oh. Why not?”

“When I offered you a place on this ship, I told you that I wanted you to find your place in the world. Well, our destination after Hawaii is Iceland, the homeland of the dragons. And after that, it’ll be Tartarus. But after that, who knows? There’s still plenty of world left to cover, Spike. You may think your place is at my side, but I won’t let you tie yourself down with oaths that are hard to break until you know for sure. Your life is too long for that.”

His ear spines shot back up and a very light blush hit his face. “Oh… Uh, do you think we’ll see Kumani again?”

“I don’t know.”

“If we do, what are you gonna say?” he asked.

“I don’t know and I don’t want to talk about it. That’s all I had for three of you. Dash, walk with me.” Dash flinched and Spike sighed. I walked past the group and she fell in behind me.

We stayed silent until I got to my room. When she followed me in, I pushed the door shut. As soon as it clicked, she said, “It wasn’t my fault!”

I sat on the bed. “What happened?”

“Oh. You uh… you don’t know?” I crossed my arms. “Well, it’s not a big deal…”

“You can either tell me or I can assume the worst and base your punishment on that.”

“Punishment?! But it was Gilda’s fault!”

“What was Gilda’s fault?”

She sighed and hung her head. “We went to a griffin bar that had something called mead. It was like that apple stuff you gave me when you first got here, but with honey. We both drank a lot. When we left the bar, a stallion tried flirting with me. I told him no, he insulted me, Gilda decked him, I may have kicked him a little while he was down, then guards showed up and we flew back to the ship.”

“So you both got drunk on illegal alcohol and then assaulted someone.”

Her ears shot straight and her head jerked up. “You can’t get mad at me for drinking! You made me do it too!”

“Before I knew it was illegal, but that’s not the point. You assaulted someone.”

Her ears started twitching and her eyes got shifty. “I said I may have…”

“I’ll give you three choices of punishments, Dash.”

She jumped forward, getting in my face. “Why are you punishing me?! Gilda started it!”

I put a finger on her nose and pushed her back because her breath stank. She glared at it, but didn’t do anything. “First, what makes you think I’m not going to punish her too? Second, you represent one of the ideals Equestria was founded upon. You are supposed to be above this, Dash.”

“Hey, I’m loyalty, not… I dunno, putting up with insults or whatever! I was loyal to Gilda by backing her up against that jerk!”

“You were disloyal to Celestia, by breaking one of her laws.” She flinched. “You were disloyal to this ship, by putting it in danger as you sought refuge here.” Her ears sank. “You were disloyal to Gilda, by allowing her to break the law and put herself at risk.” She hung her head again.

“What… what are my choices?” she quietly asked.

“You can choose between traditional, weird, or kinky.”

“W-what? What are the actual punishments?”

“Not gonna tell you. You just gotta choose one.”

“Can I… can I think about it?”

“No. Here and now.”

She nibbled at her lower lip for a moment before nodding once, a determined look coming to her face. “Kinky. I can take anything you can throw in me!”

I smiled ever so sweetly. “Why Dashie, what makes you think I will punish you?” Her ears really started twitching. “Let’s go talk to Doppel, shall we?”

Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped for a second before she rapidly shook her head. “No! No, anything but that! I’ll take weird!”

“Don’t be racist, Dash,” I said, hopping to my feet. “Now let’s go pay our resident adorable bug pony a visit.”

She sighed and followed me down the hall to my lovely little maid’s room, though her hooves were dragging. Doppel’s door was mostly closed, so I knocked. That pushed it open. We both got to see her with her front half on the bed and the back half sticking out. Her tail was pushed back and… Well, let’s just say it was obvious she had a visitor recently.

“B-back so soon?” she murmured, not even turning to face us.

“Yeah, finally back on the ship,” I said. She gasped and tried spinning to face me, but her back legs didn’t work right and she face planted. “Relax, Doppel. I have a job for you, but you don’t need to get up right now.”

She rolled over onto her back and looked at me. “What… what do you need, master?” she panted.

“Dash here has been naughty,” I said, placing a hand on her neck and pulling her into the room. Dash blushed as soon as she caught a whiff of the place. “You’re in charge of her for a week.”

“A week?!” Dash shouted, turning to me with wide eyes.

“Yes, a week,” I said. “You should have known better. And you shouldn’t have tried lying about it.”

“B-but—”

“Yep!” Doppel said, grinning. Since she was looking at us upside down, it looked a little more sinister. “Your butt, being penetrated! You can count on me, master!” she finished with a salute.

“Good. Two more things. First, if she refuses any of your commands, let me know and I’ll handle her. Second, come find me when you’re cleaned up and can talk for a few minutes. Nothing too important, just a few job specifics.”

“Of course, master. Now get in here, Dashie. Time to clean me up!” Dash’s ears shot down and she took a step back until I poked her in the back. She took a slow, deep breath before walking in further. Doppel grinned even wider.

“By the way, it’s mistress now,” I said right before Dash started. Doppel gasped and lifted a gnarled hoof to her mouth. “See you in a few!” I left before she could reply, quickly heading back to my room. For those that are paying attention (I don’t know why I’m saying this, because I’m just going to kill you now since I’m standing behind you with a knife), you’ll notice that I most definitely left the door wide open.

I figured that would take a few minutes, so I started looking for Gilda. She wasn’t in her room, not that I figured she would be. She also wasn’t in Spike’s room. After a few more minutes of searching, I found her down in Kumani’s old room, with Twilight, Taya, and the guard medic. Twilight was in the process of using magic on a small rodent skeleton. The guard was reading a scroll with strangely shifting writing.

Only Taya and Gilda looked up when I entered, unsurprisingly. Taya smiled and walked over to hug me, a hug that I happily returned. While doing my motherly duties, I looked up at Gilda. “So I heard you and Dash had some issues in Europe.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I got a little mead in us both. When we stepped out for some air, a stallion tried picking Dash up. She said no, so he called her a walking pride parade freakshow. I lost my temper and punched the guy, then Dash started really whaling on him. Someone called for the guards and I dragged her off and carried her to the ship.” She shrugged. “I didn’t think about that being her first time with mead. I didn’t wanna actually hurt the guy, just make him back off.”

“It’s alright. No harm done, just don’t do it again. And if Dash asks, tell her I punished you but don’t tell her how.”

“Uh. Okay. Why?”

“Because she blamed it all on you and then tried lying about it, so I’m punishing her. You were honest and upfront, so I’m willing to let it slide this time.”

“Oh. Cool. How are you punishing her?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Before she could worry about it, Twilight’s horn flashed a sickly dark green and an orb of oily smoke shot into the skeleton. The bones absorbed the smoke and turned black and started leaking more smoke and twitching horribly. A few seconds after that started, the eye sockets picked up a glowing red light and the skeleton got to its feet and started ambling around the table.

“It… it worked!” Twilight said, her eyes wide. Then she smiled and reared back to clap her front hooves together. “It actually worked!”

The rodent’s head shot toward her and then its body followed suit, jumping for her neck. I let Taya go and jumped forward to slap it away. Twilight shouted and fell backwards. The skeleton slammed against the wall and started to shatter, then instantly reformed, just long enough for the guard to shoot it with a beam of light that made all the bones break into dust.

He rushed to Twilight and started looking her body over. She started to stand, but he put a hoof on her chest. “Did it get you?” he asked.

“N-no, I’m… Thank you. And thank you, Nav.”

“Of course, ma’am,” the guard said, backing away and finally letting her stand. “You gotta be careful with these undead. Don’t ever think they’re tame until they follow an order.”

“R-right…” She shook her shoulders a few times before nodding. “Back to square one, I guess. I’m running out of skeletons…”

“I thought you said you were able to raise things already,” I said.

“I can raise minor, impermanent zombies,” she said. “That was the second spell in the book Princess Celestia gave me. The first was how to control them, of course. In terms of undead, zombies are weaker and easier to reanimate than skeletons. I believe it has something to do with having a brain or some other kind of organ, even if they’re partially decomposed. This was what the book called a dire skeleton, or a skeletal minion infused with some kind of dark magic. It’s harder to raise and much more difficult to control than a minor zombie or even a standard skeleton.”

“Won’t a zombie just become a skeleton after long enough?” I asked.

“I thought the same thing,” she said, smiling. “But as it turns out, this magic has some manner of preservative effect on corpses. The only way to effectively kill the basic type of zombie without magic is to damage the brain enough, which is why I believe the brain is what makes a zombie easier to animate than a skeleton. The book does not go into detail, but I’ve started making a few hypotheses. I read through the entire thing and there’s another spell later about raising corpses that don’t have a head, so I assume there is another organ you can use in place of it. It’s all very fascinating!”

“And incredibly evil,” the guard said, not looking up from his scroll.

“I disagree, actually,” Twilight said. That made him look up and frown. “I believe it has been used for many evil purposes and I believe that some of it is evil, but none of this is. The last spell in this book details how to rip a soul from a victim and use it to fuel your own magic or create what’s called a blood golem from it. That is evil and I refuse to learn how. But when you just animate a corpse, the soul is completely absent. It is just an animated body that is compelled to do violence by default. But when controlled, you can put it to any manner of use. Since it has no soul, it can never naturally fight back against the necromancer’s will, so once you place it under your control, it stays that way until you release it, it dies, or another necromancer takes control of it. Just because they’ve been used solely for violence does not mean that is their only use.”

“But their default action is violence,” the guard said. “That makes them naturally violent. When raised, they will attack any form of animal life until they are forcefully stopped or placed under control. It’s true that violence isn’t necessarily evil, but I would much rather have a thinking pony doing my manual labor than an undead abomination that is only held in check by the good graces of a necromancer. And just imagine the possible horrors that could come of making this kind of magic widespread enough that enough unicorns could access it to make undead manual labor worthwhile. It would be chaos, with all the crazy unicorns in the world suddenly summoning monstrosities to attack villages.”

“Devil’s advocate, here,” I said. “I’ve seen what crazy unicorns can do without necromancy. I’d rather be chased by undead than destroyed with lightning. At least I can outrun a zombie. And hell, how often do random unicorns go on rampages? Any of them can learn how to make a fireball, and yet you don’t see random smoking ruins of villages everywhere you go. You can use this shit for evil, but you can use regular magic for more destructive kinds of evil.”

“And yet Celestia chose this to make illegal,” he shot back with. “Why do you think that is?”

I shrugged and replied, “Because she’s an easily spooked, bigoted reactionary that despises anything she finds personally distasteful and refuses to consider the possible upsides for something that could so easily be converted to evil by someone that isn’t her. I won’t deny that basic necromancy makes doing evil shit on accident easier, but I do think low level evil necromantic shit is about on par, danger-wise, with low level regular evil shit. Once you get to the upper levels of necromancy, then you can truly be more evil and dangerous. I couldn’t see one unicorn using regular magic to raze a city, but one unicorn raising all the dead in that city and unleashing them could probably take it out. Or worse, building up a strong skeleton and golem army, arming and armoring them with good steel, and then letting them loose on the world.”

“That is why it was banned,” Twilight said with a nod. “Well, one of the reasons it was banned. If I remember my forbidden history books correctly, two of Grogar’s apprentices appeared in Equestria about three hundred years before Sombra attacked him in the north. They had a full army of undead, and raised as many of the fallen defenders as they could. Even with that, they only took out a few small villages and half a city before Princess Luna stopped them. It was frowned upon before then, but that made Celestia ban it entirely.”

“...When did you learn that?” I asked.

She shrugged. “The next time we were in Canterlot after visiting Athena’s realm. I broke into some of Celestia’s hidden library chambers. I actually found this necromancy book, but I didn’t think to look in it.”

“You naughty little filly,” I said with a smirk. She giggled. “Anyway, back to the point. This shit has great potential for evil, but I could see it being used for some good. Like, for example, unshackling a ghost from someone. At least this actually has a practical use, unlike summoning fucking asshole demons.”

“That’s not entirely true,” the guard said. “I’m probably not supposed to tell you this, but you’re my lady now so it’s not like the princess can hold it against me. After Celestia found that a changeling poisoned Blueblood, she realized Chrysalis would probably attack Canterlot. So she sent us to escort some horrifying fellow called the Inquisitor to one of the larger changeling hives, where we summoned a demon to wreak havoc. She was hoping it would make Chrysalis call the attack off to deal with it herself, but you know how that turned out.”

“Alright, so that’s incredibly evil,” I said with a nod.

Even Gilda nodded and replied, “I hate changelings and I still think that’s pretty fucked up, dude. If one of those things did that to Nav,” they all looked at my wing, “then there’s no telling what they did to a hive.”

He shrugged. “Celestia had us do a lot of evil things. Although it got considerably worse after Luna returned. If there’s some kind of afterlife, I will suffer eternally for the things I have done in the name of peace. Anyway, back to work.” He grabbed the scroll and went back to reading it over.

“And on that note, I need to get back to my room,” I said. “I have people waiting on me.” Probably. “Twilight, if you let my daughter get eaten by a skeletal hamster, I’m turning you into a mindless sex slave.”

“‘Kay.” She started poring over her book again and Taya began using magic to assemble another skeleton. Gilda watched, her tail idly wagging across the floor. I had no idea why she was there, but I learned to stop questioning things ages ago.

When I got to my room, Doppel was trying on some of my longer socks. She looked up when I entered and then went back to seeing how far up her legs they would stretch. I hopped onto the bed and eased back. “So I’m an actual, literal noble now,” I idly said.

“I heard. I bet you hate it, huh?”

“Oh yeah, it sucks hella hard. But since I can have vassals and guards and all that shit now, I decided it was past time I got my finances in order. So if you want to become official, I can have you added to the payroll, so money will be deposited into an account for you at the same time all the guards get paid. Or I can make you a vassal, if you really want to stay with me forever.”

“Hm… For now, I think I just want to get paid. But I’ll think about being a vassal later. Is that okay?”

“Oh yeah, that’s perfectly fine. It’s a huge step and I’m surprised three people already made it.”

“Okay, mistress. Then I’ll take half of what the guards get. I won’t need money as much as they do, but it’ll be nice to have some if I ever do. And these are really comfortable!”

“Yeah, socks are great. Is Dash behaving?”

“Yes. She’s a surprisingly obedient little filly. I think she might actually enjoy this week!”

“Yeah, she’s super subby. Anyway, that’s all I needed. You’re free to go back to doing whatever.”

“Are you whatever, mistress?”

“I said whatever, not whoever. But I mean, if you’re offering…”

She transformed into a shape I knew very well and my smirk turned into a full smile. She… He kicked the door shut and pounced.

Once I was able to walk again, we both wandered on down to the naga’s room. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to seek him out, but he definitely wasn’t in there. “So, thoughts?” I asked. At the moment, she was disguised as Rainbow Dash.

“Nope. He didn’t tell me anything.”

“Huh.” Since all four people were still in Twilight’s new lab, I poked my head in there. A skeletal hamster was trying to run in a wheel, but his bones kept getting caught in the empty spaces, breaking them. They instantly healed up and he tried to continue running. Twilight was watching and taking notes, Taya was sitting with Gilda and talking about the best methods of breaking a jaw, and the medic was using a small magnifier to look into a shimmery emerald. “Hey guys, anyone know where the naga is?”

“Three of us are girls, Nav,” Twilight said without looking up.

“Go fuck yourself. Anyone feel like giving me an answer that isn’t just sass?”

The medic spoke up with, “He said he was going to the blacksmith, if you needed him for anything.”

“Thank you. Keep on keepin’ on, guys.” Twilight snorted as Doppel and I went on our way. My changeling turned into a hummingbird long enough to land on my shoulder, then transformed into a hamster and scuttled down my shirt to nestle herself between my lackluster boobs. I didn’t comment, even though the furry warmth felt strangely good.

When I got to the blacksmith, it was just Smiles doing his normal routine. Well, the normal routine that doesn’t involve sexually harassing guys or trying to have sex with me. In this case, he was using Ice to quench nails. I thought about asking if that damaged him before deciding that I honestly didn’t care.

It was too loud for him to hear me walk in, but his elemental has superhuman senses and was also facing the right way, so he alerted Smiles that he had company and the dude stopped hammering and turned to face me. “Hey Nav,” he loudly said. Then he blinked and rubbed at one of his ears for a second before continuing more quietly. “Sorry, I forget how much that messes with my volume. What do you need?”

“I was looking for the naga. You seen him?”

“Yeah, he’s with Jak in the book world. I was talking to him for a while about uh… being gay, actually. It was kinda weird. The book is in Jak’s room, if you want to see him now.”

“He… spoke with you about being gay?” I asked. Truth be told, I never expected to hear that one. “Was he mean or anything?”

“No, actually. I was surprised. I’ve heard him speak up about it before and it was always pretty nasty, so I kept quiet around him. He wasn’t respectful, but he was at least more open to it.” He shrugged. “I answered his questions as best I could. It started with how I became interested in stallions. He didn’t get the answer he expected, so that turned into how and when I noticed I was into them. It made me think about some stuff I never really paid much attention to. Did you know naga consider that unnatural and disgusting?”

“I did. I told him to stop being a dick about it when he was in Ponyland. I guess he chose to actually educate himself. Props to him, I guess. When I come from, most people preferred keeping their prejudices instead of learning why other people are the way they are. I don’t suppose he asked you about laws, did he?”

“Yeah. One of the things he asked was when it became legal for guys like me to marry other guys. I had no clue about that. Do you know if it was ever illegal?”

“I think so. But I meant laws that actually mattered. Like, the legality of cutting off someone’s hand in front of a squad of guards.”

He blinked. “Oh. No.” He blinked again. “Wait, did he actually do that?”

“Yeah. Anyway, not important. I need to speak to him. Carry on or whatever.”

He shrugged and turned back to his anvil. “Door’s unlocked. Let me know if Jak needs anything.”

“Yep.” The hammer started ringing again, so I went further into the smithy. Jak’s room was a fucking mess, surprisingly. I figured the dude would be something of a neat freak, but he had random scraps of metal everywhere, notes dropped all over the place, unfinished plates of food here and there, unwashed clothes dumped on his bed, and the fucking portal book was on the floor.

“He needs a maid,” hamster Doppel said from my shirt.

“Or a smack in the mouth from someone that is a lot less scared of him than I am,” I replied. She shifted around a little, which tickled and made me squirm. When she was done, I grabbed the book, knocked some detritus off a table, and set it on there. “Now’s your chance to back out,” I said. “Shit’s weird in there.”

“I’m happy right where I am,” her squeaky voice said. I shrugged and opened the book. We both got sucked in and my shirt immediately tore in half as she was forcibly reverted back to her real body. I wasn’t wearing a bra and I started to cover myself before realizing that I didn’t actually care. She hit the floor with a painful sounding thunk and quickly sat up, rubbing her head. “What happened?”

Athena appeared in front of us and placed a finger on both of our foreheads. The one against mine was her natural finger and the one against Doppel’s was the one with the weird metal thing on it, both of which elongated several feet so Athena didn’t have to bend over. Doppel and I completely froze in place and could only move our eyes.

“Navarone. You brought me a changeling. Interesting. I suppose I should warn you that their abilities do not work here.” Her finger slowly traced down my body and stopped at one of my nipples, making my skin crawl. “Is there a reason you come to me with your chest bared?”

Whatever she was doing to freeze my body wore off on my mouth, so I said, “Doppel was disguised as a hamster and nestled in my shirt. Coming here reverted her and it tore the shirt off.”

“Oh.” She looked down and slightly behind me, where the shirt was presumably sitting on the floor. “Interesting.” She suddenly appeared behind me, though she somehow kept both fingers where they were. “Are you aware that one of your wings has been corrupted?”

“I am aware of that, yes. I don’t suppose you could fix it?”

“I could remove it and assist it in regrowing over the course of a few months, but I believe it very unlikely that it would grow back feathery. Such a shame.” She reappeared in front of me. “Is there some way I can assist you?”

“I was looking for the naga.”

Her head tilted very slightly and the three of us appeared next to Jak, the naga, and the metal golem. “You have found him.”

“Thank you.”

Her fingers released me and Doppel and she appeared behind me again, to place both hands on my shoulders. “You are very tense, Navarone. You will see me before you return to the real world.”

“...Okay.” She vanished, though some feeling of her hands on my shoulders lingered. It made me shiver, though that might have also been the slight chill against my bare chest.

“What do you need, lass?” Jak asked, hefting an unnecessarily large wrench. I don’t know why he had it, since I didn’t see any bolts anywhere, but whatever. While he asked that, Doppel was getting to her feet and stretching.

I paid her no mind and said, “I just needed to speak with the naga for a second. It probably could have waited, but I’d prefer to get all of this settled now.”

“What do you need, sister?” the naga asked, making no attempt to hide the fact that he was staring straight at my chest.

“Since I got turned into a noble and everything’s becoming big and official with all its own paperwork, I wanted to know if you were interested in being paid like a guard. I went ahead and had Watcher send some gold your way for all the work you’ve done before now, but unless you want to be put on the roster now, you won’t be getting paid again. If not, that’s cool. If so, I need to know now so I can get you added.”

A flash of fire caught all our eyes and we looked down at Doppel, who was presumably attempting to transform. She tried a few more times to no avail. When she was done, the naga and Jak both went back to ogling my boobs. “I do not need payment, though the money you had delivered was welcome. I will continue without need for paperwork.”

“Alright, cool. Jak, how’s the monstrosity coming?”

“Well, lass.” He smacked the thing in the head with his wrench. “He’s comin’ along real well. I don’t suppose you’re aware that you’re missing a shirt.”

“Yeah, I noticed. How much longer do you think you have on this thing?”

“This one? Oh, I’ll probably never be done foolin’ with this thing!” He chuckled and placed an oversized hand on one of its arms. “He’s my baby, true as true.” I slowly lifted an eyebrow and he started laughing some more. When he finished that episode, he shook his head and wiped a tear away. “Oh lassie, you’re so adorable when you’re confused. This lad here’ll be my eternal prototype, always changing with my whims and thoughts… But I’ll start working on a new one within the week, one we can take outside the book and use however you want.”

“And how long—”

He reached a hand over and tousled my hair, which did basically nothing since it all hung down to my ass and was in a ponytail besides. “Can’t rush perfection, lassie. Now you leave us old fellas to our work. We got toys to build for you!”

I don’t know if I should feel offended because that was sexist or because it was just condescending. I chose to get over myself instead and shrugged, making them both grin because my boobs bounced with my shoulders. “Alright, whatever. See you both on the other side.” Doppel and I started walking away, leaving Jak to his work and Ames to whatever the fuck he was doing.

“This place is really fascinating, mas—mistress,” Doppel said, looking around.

“It’s cool on this side. Not so cool when you’re fighting your way through it with nothing but a knife and a moody, adorable unicorn.”

“Yeah, I bet—Wait, do you mean Taya or Twilight? Because I thought it was Twilight, but that fits both.”

“It was Twilight.”

“Just checking. Yeah, I bet that was unfun.” She stopped next to one of the large paper golems and just looked up at it. “Did you have to fight one of these?”

“Yeah. Be thankful for your carapace. Papercuts are a very serious concern for those of us without fur or armor all over us.”

“Huh.” She hurried to catch up as I walked to the staircases going up. I really didn’t want to see Athena before I left, but I also wanted to be able to come back and not have to deal with the possible consequences of disobeying her.

When I saw her through the book’s natural gloom, she was sitting straight up and just staring at me, hands on her knees. She creepily watched us approach. Or rather, watched me approach. As far as she appeared to be concerned, Doppel might as well have been a gnat.

“What did you need from me?” I asked when I was an acceptable talking distance away. Then I remembered that her culture was much closer than that and what was acceptable to me was probably super rude to her. That said, I didn’t move closer.

She lifted a hand and a bed appeared next to her, then she used that hand to pat the bed. “Lie down, Navarone.” I looked at Doppel and found that she was completely frozen in place. I looked at the bed and slowly lied down on the edge.

She disappeared from view and I got my hopes up just long enough to feel something carefully combing through my hair. “This is too pretty to keep like this, don’t you think?”

I actually quite like it. “I… am open to new ideas,” I said, shifting slightly in discomfort.

She began whistling like a bird as she pulled the rubber band away from my hair and started brushing it. Once it was fully unwrinkled, she started doing a few other things. It was difficult for me to tell what exactly she was doing because I was facing the wrong way, but her bony hands did not feel very nice against my scalp.

When she was finally done, she ran one of those creepy hands slowly down my side, ending at the start of my pants. My eyes involuntarily closed, trying to hide me from what I thought was about to happen as her hand stopped at my hip. Then it suddenly disappeared and I didn’t feel her on the bed anymore. My eyes opened just in time to see her face leaning into mine. She very gently kissed my forehead while grabbing one of my hands with one of hers.

“I always found someone else playing with my hair very relaxing,” she quietly said, pulling back. With that, the three of us appeared next to the portal book and I was suddenly standing again. “I will see you next time, Navarone.”

She let me go and walked around the pedestal, then opened the book to face me and Doppel. We both got ensnared by tentacles and dragged back into reality.

When my changeling reanimated, she gasped for breath and started coughing. While she was getting over that, I placed a hand on my chest and leaned against the table. “What the fuck just happened?” I asked, trying to reconcile whatever the fuck that was in my head.

Before Doppel could reply, the book opened again and spat out a dress that looked like it had been fashioned from what was left of my shirt, along with some other kind of fabric. To get my mind off the absolute horror I was feeling, I grabbed it and held it up to get a look at it. The thing seemed like something like one of the muses in that old Hercules movie wore.

Doppel was all the way or mostly recovered, so she looked at it as well. “Huh. Mistress, what the buck—” She took her eyes on the dress and moved them up to me. Instead of stopping at my face, they went to my hair. “Uh… huh.”

“I’m not even gonna ask.” I slung the dress over a shoulder and walked out. She followed me back into the smithy, where Smiles was back to work.

Once again, Ice saw us when we came back and he stopped his host, but moved up to look at me before Smiles could do anything. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You lost your shirt and…” His eyes also went to my hair. “Wow. That looks really pretty.”

“Thank you. And yes, I’m physically fine. Athena doesn’t believe in personal space and I have a hard time telling her no, because I happen to like all of my blood inside of my body. Although the shirt thing was actually Doppel’s fault, not that it matters. Anyway, I’m going to go curl into a ball and cry for a little while, because that was incredibly traumatizing.”

“Oh. Um. Do you want a hug?”

“Yes.” Sunshine Smiles literally flew across the room to hug me. Ice slid behind me and braced my body to stop me from getting knocked back into Jak’s room. I was honestly too shocked and disturbed at what Athena just did to even be mad about it, so I hugged him back. Warmth, squishiness, and comfortably soft fur is exactly what I needed after being held and touched by Athena’s cold, mutated, bony hands. I sighed into the pony’s back as my body actually started shaking slightly, the tension and fear seeping out of me.

That hug lasted longer than it probably should have, which should have been a sign to myself just how creepy I really found Athena. She was weird, inhuman, and honestly just straight up scared me. And also, Smiles was surprisingly comfortable.

When he finally felt me relax, he softly cleared his throat. “When uh… When I let go, are you gonna kick me in my crotch?”

“No.”

“...Promise?”

“I promise I won’t kick you this time, Smiles.”

He slowly pulled away. While he was doing that, Ice released me from behind. When they were both off me, Ice slid around to my front. “Do you need to talk about it?” he asked.

“No, it wasn’t that bad.”

“...You were shaking,” Smiles said. “You didn’t even do that after the bunker.”

“Yeah, because it actually was that bad. That bitch is all manner of creepifying. Anyway, I’ll see you both later.”

“Wait, if it was that bad, doesn’t that mean you need to talk about it?”

“I dunno, probably?” I shrugged. “See you both later.”

I began walking out, but Smiles planted his plump ass in front of me. “You know you can talk to me, Nav.”

“Smiles, you’re getting dangerously close to being threatened with a crotch kick. Bat ponies are absolutely adorable, but changelings are even moreso, and Doppel actually wants to have sex with me. So I’ll talk to her instead.” He sighed and hung his head, so I booped him on the nose and my maid and I continued on our way.

When we got back to my room, I folded the weird dress up, placed it on my dresser, and then fell into bed. “So do you actually wanna talk about it?” Doppel asked, sitting next to me and placing a hoof on my back.

“I do not.”

She cuddled up against me and sighed in delight. “You’re so comfy, mistress.”

“And you’re so hard and unpliable. But I don’t mind at all, because you’re cute and adorable and love cuddles.” I spun to my side and wrapped her up in a hug. “Also, you’re about as light as an oversized teddy bear, so I could totally just carry you around wherever I went if I wanted.”

“Riding around in your shirt or on your head is more fun.”

“Yeah, it actually felt pretty good. You know, up until you tore my shirt in half. For some reason, I really like the feeling of furry things across my chest. Squishy furry things are better.”

“Hm. Have you ever let anyone cum across your chest?”

“I have not, no.”

“I know half the mares I’ve been with love it when I go for their teats. If you ever wanna try it, just let me know!”

“I will keep that in mind.” I had no intention of keeping that in mind.

Honestly, I didn’t really have all that much on my schedule. Becoming a proper lady added a decent amount of bullshit, but most of it was just administration shit that didn’t take too long to sort out. Even then, a lot of it was just extra work that I only did to help out the people on my ship. But it was finally all taken care of, so I had nothing else to really do the entire way to our next destination.

It felt weird. I spent so much time looking forward to getting back on the ship and on the move again, and when it finally happened, I really didn’t have much to do. Spending so long doing nothing wasn’t really my style, truth be told. Cuddling and fucking Doppel was all well and good, but sometimes a girl needs to just beat the shit out of something with a stick.

The next day, when the naga was finally out of the book, I found him in his room. He was just sitting in the dark when I stepped inside. “You alright?” I asked.

His tail slowly uncoiled and he rose to his full height. “I am better, now that I am out of that strange realm. It is impressive that you held your mind and body together well enough to fight through that book. I am baffled at how you manage to deal with Athena. She… horrifies me, as much as I am ashamed to admit it.”

“Yeah, she’s scary as hell. Some kind of… subhuman abomination of power and bones. I honestly thought she was going to molest me yesterday. When I got out of the book, I had a small mental breakdown.”

“Hm. That is understandable. Should one such as her desire you, there would be no denying her. It would be a distinctly unpleasant experience.” He slid over to the wall, for a moment, just to look away. “Now, I hear talk. Interesting talk.” He grabbed his huge rod and turned back to face me. “Talk that you have given in to your female nature.”

“I have given in to reality, Ames. If that is a problem, it is not too late to drop you off at Stone Falls.”

He stared at me in silence for several long seconds, his hands slowly tensing and loosing on his stick. Finally, he lowered his body and slid forward. One hand released his tool and he placed that hand on my shoulder. “The reality is that you are my equal. Male or female, you are my equal. The reality is that the naga way is not the only way in this world. Despite your change, you did not become weak. You did not become a simpering fool. You stayed strong. You stayed my equal. Traveling has changed me, as I’m sure you knew it would. For better or worse, I am no longer the same naga I was when I left.”

I took his large hand with my own. “It’s for the better, brother. And I know how hard it’s gotta be for you to change like this. I know how… tense and stressed it can make you.” I pulled his hand up and looked him in the eyes, smiling softly. “I bet I know how to help you relax, too.”

He looked down at his hand in mine. “It has been some time. I know I’m a little stiff. Do you think we could be gentle this time?”

“Us? Gentle?” I reached out and took his stick in my other hand to try to heft its weight. “With this thing between us, I don’t think either of us could be gentle. But you love roughing me up, don’t you deny it.”

He laughed softly and pulled the thing away from me. “True. I wager it’s been some time since your body was given a true workout, too.” His hand finally pulled away from mine and he slowly ran it down my side. “Just as I thought. You’re so soft… I believe I’ll enjoy breaking you in again!”

“What are we waiting for?” I asked with a smirk.

Before he could reply, his door slammed the rest of the way open and Flo oozed in, bright red. She slid right to us and slapped us both in the face, then left without a single word.

We both watched her leave in stunned silence. When she was gone, we slowly looked at each other, both rubbing our faces. “What’s her problem?” he finally asked.

“Man, I don’t fucking know. Let me go get some protection and we can get started.”

“I’ll be waiting, little sister.” For some reason, I shivered when he called me that, and went to prepare my body for him.

Having so few specific things that needed to be taken care of made falling back into the rhythm of life on the ship so much easier.

Wake up, shower, eat, check with Watcher and Gourd to see if anything was up, practice with the naga and Spike, eat, spend time with Taya, speak to my soldiers or friends, eat, fool around with Twilight, sleep, practice dream stuff with her.

A standard, easy routine. I somehow managed to put being a noble in the back of my mind. As Flo said, nothing really changed, not really. Or at least, nothing really changed on the ship. I knew whenever I was in a pony city, things might be different. Especially Canterlot. And I knew it had ramifications when the journey was over.

But none of that really concerned me, at the moment. I was back with friends, back with people I liked, back where I was needed, and I was back to a routine.

It was nice.

As with all nice things, it couldn’t last. A week and a half after we left Canterlot, Twilight sat me down on her bed before we started our typical session and said, “Can we try something different tonight?”

“Twilight, we try different things every night. And let me tell you, my joints are still aching from last night.”

“Well… yeah. But I meant different as in… a different species. I’ve been turning you into a pony every night, but I did a little bit of research while in Canterlot and I believe I can turn you into something else now.”

“Oh. What did you have in mind? I’ve done changeling before and that was pretty neat.”

She tapped a hoof on the floor, then shook her head. “I thought about that, but I decided I wanted to try something that hadn’t been done before. How do you feel about being a griffin?”

“I don’t think I’d mind that at all. You sure you can do it?”

“Pretty sure, yeah. Hold still.”

“Wait, pretty sure? Or, like, actually sure?”

She rolled her eyes and her horn lit up. Before I could tell her I was reconsidering, my body started changing. My feet and back half started slowly becoming feline and smaller, more lithe. Then the rest of me also started becoming feline and smaller. I shrank and shrank until I took up less than a quarter of the bed. My hands became paws, my wings disappeared into my back, a tail shot out, my ears elongated…

Yada yada, she turned me into an actual fucking housecat.

When the light around her horn finally died down, her mouth just dropped. She was stunned for a second before I could realize something was wrong. She recovered enough to rub her eyes with her hooves to make sure she was seeing things right. Once she was sure that I was, in fact, a cat, her horn lit up again.

Despite not knowing anything about that body, I managed to shoot off the bed and found myself under it before she could do anything with that horn. If she managed to turn me into a fucking cat on accident, I wasn’t sure I wanted to find out what she would try doing to fix it.

“Nav, can you… can you understand me?” she asked. I tried telling her yes, but it came out to my ears as a meow. She whimpered slightly and continued, “I… don’t know if that’s a good sign. If you come out, I promise not to do anything.”

Given that she was probably the only one on the ship that could fix it, I did as she said and came out. She looked me over for a moment before carefully picking me up with her hooves and setting me back on the bed.

She slowly sighed and said, “Alright, um… Let’s see, raise your right paw if you can understand me.” I raised my right paw. “Okay, good. I’m not going to go into the specifics of what went wrong, but it probably boils down to this: Griffins are a hodgepodge of animals. So I figured to make you a griffin, I had to make you based off the animals they’re based on. I guess I went a little too strong on the cat.”

I hissed at her.

“Okay, more than a little too strong. Regardless, fixing it will be mostly easy. It’ll just take some… uh, some calibrations, so to say. To the spell.” Flo very slowly pushed the claws out on my right paw, which was still raised. “I’ll have it done by morning, I promise!”

Since the claws were still out, I drew that paw across my throat, pantomiming slitting hers.

“Yes, yes, you’re angry. Trust me, I’m well aware. I’ll let you… I don’t know, I’ll let you do something weird to me later to make up for it.” She lifted a hoof and slowly rubbed her temple. “Ugh, it’s gonna be a long night… And you’re no good to me like this. I know you’re still you, but I am not going to dominate a housecat, I don’t care whose mind is in there. And I don’t need you here distracting me. Go… I don’t know, go claw Rarity’s curtains or something.”

I jumped across the void separating us and booped her on the fucking nose as hard as I could. Thankfully, I landed on my feet, then jumped back on her bed and laid across her pillow.

“Nav, I don’t want your white fur all over everything. Doppel turns into enough weird things here that no one would think twice if they saw a white cat roaming around. Just go sit in your room.”

God dammit. Flo, can you come smack her around for me?

A few seconds later, something slowly slid through the cracks around her window. After enough of her was inside, it took on Flo’s standard shape. “I heard you have been mistreating my human,” she said, turning a very weak shade of red.

“No, I’ve been mistreating your cat,” Twilight replied, pointing at me. “Would you mind holding her for a little while so I can work on fixing her?”

“I will handle her. But Nav had a request.” She reached out and smacked Twilight twice. Not too hard, but it was sufficient to show my anger. “There. We’ll be out of your hair now.” Flo held her arms open and I leapt into them.

Thankfully, there are enough weird things on this ship that no one really thought to question why a water elemental suddenly had a cat. She took me to my room and set me on the dresser, then closed the door. Thank you. So how should I get back at Twilight?

“Vibrating panties in public. And nothing else.”

Works for me. So now what?

“How upset would you be if I dropped you off in Fluttershy’s room?”

I’m gonna go with very.

“...And how upset would you be if I dropped Fluttershy off in here?”

Slightly less, but still fairly upset.

“Just checking.” She placed a warm, watery hand on my head. “I have no intentions of informing her. Your belly is mine and mine alone to rub.”

After a few long seconds of thought, I rolled over and presented it. She giggled in evil glee and started lowering that same hand.

Right as it connected, the door slammed open and a frantic yellow horse bounded in. Fluttershy’s eyes took everything in at once and she shot across the room to grab me right out from under Flo’s hands. She squee’d adorably and gently hugged me up against her fluffy chest. Not gently enough to stop me from being absolutely horrified, but it didn’t hurt.

When she was done with that, she started flying out, just staring at me in absolute wonder. She continued flying and giggling for about fifteen seconds before she realized we weren’t going anywhere. Then she blinked a few times and looked back to find that Flo had her tail in a vice grip.

“I will ask you this once, Fluttershy. Give me that cat.”

“That… That wasn’t actually a question.” Flo instantly lit bright red and Fluttershy squealed, hugging me tighter.

“Give. Me. My. Human.” With every word, she grew in size and started towering over Fluttershy, even though the mare was flying. At the last word, Fluttershy’s wings stopped working and she fell to the deck, thankfully on her back so I didn’t get crushed. Flo used another hand to pluck me from Fluttershy’s grasp and set me on her own warm, red head. “Why are you here?”

At the moment, I didn’t really know if Fluttershy could answer that. Her mouth was quivering horribly, her eyes were wide, both her wings were tucked against her body tighter than a virgin, and all four of her legs were curled up in front of her to protect her.

I patted Flo on the head. Might want to ease back a little.

Bubbles started escaping my elemental as she slowly returned to her normal blue self. When she was back to her regular size, she released Fluttershy’s tail and sighed. “Better. Why are you here, Fluttershy?”

“O-one… One of your sisters told me… Nav was a kitty!”

“Which one of my sisters told you this?” she asked.

“I… I don’t know. B-but N-nav… Nav’s a kitty!”

“Yes, Navarone is currently a cat.”

Fluttershy’s eyes moved to mine. “Can I play with her?”

“You may not.” Her eyes immediately went downcast. “What exactly did this elemental tell you?”

“That Twilight made a magical mistake and turned Nav into a cat…” Her eyes finally went to Flo’s. “Why can’t I play with her?”

“Did this elemental tell you anything else? Or just that?”

“That was all. May I please play with her?”

Flo stopped talking to her and just started talking in my head. “Do you mind if I look into her mind to see which sister did it?”

Ask her permission first.

“Fluttershy, I am going to peer into your memory. I am quite interested in which of my sisters told you this.”

“Um. If you do, can I play with Navi?”

Flo shoved several fingers through Fluttershy’s eyes. Since the memories weren’t that far back, it didn’t take her long to suck them back out. “Aqua. I figured.”

She idly scooped Fluttershy up like she weighed nothing and started pacing the room, rubbing Fluttershy’s belly and presumably thinking. I had a very nice view of Fluttershy’s face as her tummy was molested, and almost found myself feeling jealous, since that’s pretty much what my face would look like if she hadn’t burst in.

After about a minute of that, Flo started thinking at me again. “Aqua didn’t even tell her that you were still sapient. So now we get to have revenge on Twilight and her elemental.”

Well I mean, it was just a prank. Remember all that time I spent dressing her up in dreams?

“Don’t defend her, Nav. I’m giving you the opportunity to prank one of my sisters. Be grateful.”

Tch. I thought you waters were supposed to be all high and mighty, above petty revenge and all that jazz.

“Tell that to my sister, who just tried to sic Fluttershy on you.”

Fair enough. That poor mare looked very content at the moment, too. You know, I have been awfully mean to Fluttershy in the past…

“Nav, don’t tell me you’re thinking about it.”

Yeah, you’re right. Why should I let that poor, abused mare have anything nice? It’s not like I broke her heart or destroyed her feelings or emotionally abused her or—

Flo spoke up, saying, “Fluttershy, I need to go speak to one of my sisters.” She set that mare on my bed and very gently placed me on top of her. “Would you mind looking after Nav in here for a few minutes?”

That knocked Fluttershy out of her stupor of pleasure and her eyes widened again. “R-really?!”

Flo put a finger on Fluttershy’s nose. “I can feel every emotion Navarone has right now. If she becomes distressed for any reason, I will know. And if something happens to her, I will make sure that you have nothing but nightmares until the day you die, which I will ensure to be sooner than you’d like. Have fun!” She released Fluttershy and slid out the door.

Fluttershy watched the elemental until she was gone, then her eyes slowly turned to me. Instead of a look of horror like I was expecting, they were filled with glee and she very carefully hugged me, squeeing softly again.

When she was done trying to murder me that way, she set me on the bed and hopped up so she could close the door. Once that was done, she turned back to me, still smiling. “Can you understand me?” she asked.

I tilted my head slightly. Even if I did understand her, how would she understand me?

“It’s okay, Nav. Not many ponies know this, but…” She looked back at her ass tattoo before standing sideways so I could see it. “My special talent lets me communicate with some animals! It’s usually really basic, but I can understand a lot!”

Fuck it, let’s see. I tried saying, “I can understand you,” but it just came out as another meow.

She blinked a few times before shaking her head. “I guess when she made you a cute little kitty, she made you a cute little… um, human kitty? Well, you said all the animals in your time weren’t really intelligent, so maybe the same is true of you? Hm.” She stepped closer and slowly stroked my back. My body involuntarily stood, pressing itself against her hoof. “Well, you still have a cat’s instincts. I wonder why Twilight made you like this…”

Let’s see… She’s impatient, doesn’t test things thoroughly, takes unnecessary risks, thinks too little of her friends, and probably a few other reasons.

Flo snorted. “Are you talking about yourself or Twilight?”

Before I could tell her to go fuck herself, Fluttershy booped me on the nose. “Well, even if you can’t talk to me, at least I can still play with you!”

She moved her head in very close to give me an Eskimo kiss. Since her hair was so long and it was dangling right next to me, I darted to it and started batting it with my paws before she could touch me.

It took her a second to realize what I was doing, since I was doing it under her snout. When she did, she giggled and started moving her head around to let me chase it. Say what you want about her as a person, but that miniature horse loves her some animals. And she knows how to have fun with them.

I got bored with that pretty quickly, since I couldn’t actually grab onto it. Chasing it around was interesting, but not really challenging because she didn’t think I was smart and she was also a fucking pussy. So I hopped off the bed and rubbed myself between her legs. She was just short enough that I could also press against her belly with my back if I arched it right.

She just stood there and let me rub my pussy against her, then eventually decided to start rubbing it herself. Her feathery wings felt very good against my body, unsurprisingly. I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed it, but since she didn’t know I was still me, it didn’t feel too weird.

After a few minutes of letting her mindlessly love on me, I hopped up on the bed and decided to be nice and present my belly. When she saw that, she chuckled and shook her head. “Silly Navi, I know better than that! Even smart kitties don’t let you play with their cute little tummies.” She sighed and shook her head. “Such a shame, too. They’re so soft and fuzzy and warm and comfy and cute and cuddly and… Oooh, it’s worth it!”

I wasn’t expecting her to place her face against me, but she buried her snout into my belly and nuzzled me, basking in the fur. Surprisingly, it didn’t feel anything like having my stomach rubbed as a pony. That’s not to say it felt bad or anything, but it didn’t feel amazing or whatever. When she came up for air, she kept her head against me, just pressing her mouth against my stomach and looking up at me with her pretty eyes.

So I batted her on the nose. Not with claws out, just a playful boop. She smiled widely and subsequently got a mouth full of hair when I shifted. Her head jerked up and she sputtered out, trying to get rid of that weird feeling.

While she was distracted with that, I stood up, carefully did some judging, decided my judgment was probably awful, and let Flo help me jump onto Fluttershy’s head. I only stayed up there long enough to make another judgment and then hopped onto her back. She stifled a gasp as I carefully kneaded her back with my paws, preparing it to lay on. Once again, I didn’t use claws so there’s no way I'd hurt her.

When my new bed was ready, I curled up on her back, directly between her wings. She turned her head to look at me and sweetly sighed. “Even human-like kitties will sleep anywhere, I guess.”

So she wouldn’t disturb me, she very carefully got on the bed and curled her legs under her body. As soon as she got comfortable, Flo silently slid back under the door and scooped me right off the pony’s back. “You may leave, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, but we were just—”

“You were just leaving, yes,” Flo said with a nod. “I believe you know the way out.”

“Um… O-okay. Can I maybe… Kiss Navi on her cute little nose? Just once?”

Flo rolled her eyes and held me up in front of Fluttershy. It wasn’t the most comfortable position to be in, but I silently bore it and just stared at the timid butter horse. She blushed for just a moment before kissing me right on the nose. Before she could pull back, I licked her with my creepy sandpaper tongue.

When she backed up, she had a large smile on her face. “Goodnight, Navi,” she whispered. Her deeds done, she happily trotted out, wings trembling in joy.

So that was super adorable.

“You’re masochistic,” my elemental grunted. She shot out a tendril of water to pull the door closed, then set me back on the bed. “Is your body ready?”

Yes.

I refuse to write what she did to me that night. All I will say is that it was very enjoyable and it might or might not have involved belly rubs.

When I woke up, it was to a furry body. Some part of me expected Twilight to have turned me back by then. But of course, I’m not allowed to have nice things. So as soon as I got up, Flo graciously ferried me down to Twilight’s room.

That silly little mare was sleeping. Several books were strewn all over the place. Flo stopped at the doorway and set me on the floor so I could silently pad my way inside. As soon as I got next to the bed, she helped me jump up and I planted myself on top of Twilight’s chest. That didn’t wake her up, so I slapped her in the face with my paws until her eyes flapped open.

She got to wake up to a very angry looking cat right in her face. “Um. Hi, Nav.” I slapped her nose with a paw. Her eyebrows furrowed and she rubbed at it with a hoof. “So I take it you’re still upset.” I popped her nose again. She looked down at my legs and realized that I was definitely standing on her. “Well, I have some bad news. You see—” Flo ejected my claws and I slapped her nose again. “Ow! I was joking, Nav!” Her horn lit up and set me on the bed next to her. “Don’t be such a pussy.” That just made me hiss at her.

She chuckled and her horn lit up much brighter. Just like that, I was back to being a completely nude demi-human. “About fucking time.”

“Uh, you’re welcome.”

I looked at my water elemental. She got the message and closed the door. I grabbed Twilight by the horn and shoved her head between my legs. She sighed and began making up for what she did.

A few days after Caturday, I woke up to three water elementals staring at me. I was taking a break from Twilight at the moment because Fluttershy couldn’t stop blushing and giggling any time she saw me and if I was going to suffer, I was damn sure going to make the person who caused it suffer as well. So it was just me in my room with three elementals.

The three in particular this time were Naiad, Aqua, and Brook. I wouldn’t be nearly as worried if Flo was also there. As it was, I unconsciously pulled the sheets up a little higher as soon as I saw them.

“One of our sisters has told us something very worrying,” Brook said, her eyes flashing yellow.

“Which one of your sisters?” I slowly asked.

Naiad moved closer and reached over to place a hand on my shoulder. “There is no need to be afraid, Navarone. We are not angry. We merely wish to speak.”

“Then you guys need to work on your people skills,” I said. “Staring at me while I sleep is creepy, grouping up on people worries them, cornering someone while they’re naked is unpleasant, excluding the one sister of yours that I explicitly trust more than anyone I’ve ever known scares me, and I really don’t like people touching me. You can say whatever you want, but the way you’re approaching me is definitely going to make me afraid.”

Brook sighed and massaged one of her temples, her eyes going a dark blue. “We are so bad at dealing with sapients in this new world… Forgive us, Navarone. I know that some of your past experiences have made you wary of this statement, but we are still trying to catch up with the way the world is. In our time, water elementals were trusted and revered just for being water elementals and no one would ever even think to be afraid of us, for our touch brought comfort and healing. We realize that is no longer the case, but old habits die hard, so to say. Would you care to discuss this elsewhere, after having time to mentally prepare?”

“Now is fine,” I said. “But like, fuck, dude. I didn’t want to wake up to this. Work on unfucking yourselves.”

“It is easy for Flo and Ice, because they melded very well with their hosts and were able to instantly pick up on habits and social niceties,” Aqua said. “But most of us do not have hosts to passively learn from.”

“Aqua, you’re in Twilight,” I said. “Stop pretending you aren’t. If you don’t want her, don’t feel obligated. It’s not necessary for communication anymore.”

“I did not say I did not want her. I said that Flo and Ice melded very well. I implied that I did not. But that does not mean I do not want my host.”

Yeah, okay buddy. “Whatever. We got way off topic. What do you three want?”

Naiad finally got to the point. “Mist told us she was in love with the fire elemental.”

“She told me the same thing,” I said. “I told her to tell you guys, because I figured it was probably pertinent.”

“Pertinent is not quite the correct word,” Brook said. “If Mist and this fire elemental share love for each other, that is no concern of ours. We are of the opinion that it is odd, but it is not our business. One of our concerns is the… level of passion she displays toward this fire elemental.”

“Yeah, that was kinda weird. But as long as they aren’t stupid when they’re together, that won’t really be a problem.”

“True. But it might inspire jealousy. Which brings us to our second concern. We have not yet told Aerie. We were debating what her response might be. And in the end, we decided it might be best for you to speak to her or her proxy.”

“Her proxy being Pinkie Pie?”

“Yes,” Brook replied with a nod. “We do not consider air elementals to have hosts. Their relationship is very different. You freed Aerie and you are friends with her host.”

“Friend is such a strong word.”

Aqua snorted. “Nav, you’re friends with Pinkie. Stop pretending you aren’t.”

“Go fuck yourself. When do you want me to tell her?”

“Today. Gourd is of the opinion that we will get to Hawaii in about five more days. It is time for Aerie to learn that the first fire elemental she will have seen in quite some time will not be interested in her.”

“Okay. Out of curiosity, is there any particular reason Flo isn’t with you?”

Naiad shrugged. “I believe she was preoccupied. She was not here when we entered.”

“Ah. Well, whatever. I’m used to being abandoned in my time of need.” I finally pulled the covers down and started to stand, only to realize that all three of them had moved a lot closer. “What?”

In response to that, Brook swooped in and hugged me. Her body melded against mine, pressing against me in what was probably supposed to be a very comforting way. “If Flo is failing you, we can speak to her for you,” she said. “If you feel she does not love you as well as she could, one of us would happily love you in her place.”

Are they being serious right now? Flo answered in my head by cackling at me. “I have something else to add to your list of shit to learn,” I said, crossing my arms inside of the elemental. “Figure out how to take a fucking joke, Jesus.”

Brook flinched away from me, her eyes going several colors before one settled on orange and the other settled on green. “O-oh… Well… It would be much easier if I had a host.”

“There are plenty of people here to choose from,” I said with a shrug. “Shouldn’t be hard to find someone willing.”

Naiad shook her head. “We’ve tried. None of the soldiers are interested, none of the crew are interested, and only the two most creepy of the Elements of Harmony are interested.”

“...Pinkie and Fluttershy?” I asked.

“Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy,” Brook said, shivering slightly. “Both are quite persistent about obtaining one of us. I like enthusiastic hosts, but I’m not quite so sure I want them begging to have one of us inside of them. We take care choosing our hosts and they are not interested in getting to know us well enough to actually make a choice. The naga was insulted when we mentioned it and Gilda liked it right up until we said that we could see her every thought. Kat is getting close with one of our sisters and I believe she will soon be a host. Jak isn’t around enough to talk to, Silver Quill is still uncertain about us, Spike is dangerous to us, Zecora isn’t interested, Taya and Spider are too young, and Doppel is on the fence.”

“Hm. What about Watcher and Gourd specifically?” I asked. “They might could be persuaded to see the appeal, given their leadership positions.”

Naiad shrugged. “They are hard to catch alone. Gourd was open to the idea, but he would need some convincing. Watcher is old enough that it might appeal to him, or he might have accepted that his time is almost here. Of the two of them, Watcher seems closer in nature to me, these days. Brook, would you care to attempt Gourd?”

“I would be happy to, sister. We shall get out of your hair, Nav. My apologies at waking you in such a manner.”

“Work on that,” I said. “I’ll see you three later.”

Naiad and Brook nodded and seeped out of the room, going right under the closed door. Aqua waited until they were gone and smiled. “Did you enjoy yourself as a cat, Navi?” she sweetly asked.

“It was eh. Do you think you’d enjoy being forced to listen to Twilight talk about friendship for hours?”

Her color took a small hit. “There is very little you could do to harm a water elemental, Nav. I very highly suggest you remember that before you seek to torment me emotionally. I can put a very wide array of thoughts into Twilight’s head. You may do unto me, but I will find worse ways to do unto you.”

“Now you see, that just sounds like the right kind of fun on a boring airship trip. Better watch your back, Aqua. I won’t forget this.”

“We shall see.” With that, she opened the door and left, leaving it wide open so anyone could see my nakedness.

Shame was a commodity I had lost a long time ago, so I hopped out of bed and got dressed. Before I could walk out, my daughter entered my room. “Why were all those elementals in here?” she asked.

“They needed to tell me to do something,” I said. “Would you care to join me in doing it?”

“Okay.” She fell in close behind me as I walked on down to Pinkie’s room. Her door was shut and I had no idea if she was in there or even awake, so I politely and somewhat quietly knocked.

The sounds of giggling I quickly heard on the other side told me that she was probably there. When it opened, that definitely confirmed it. She opened it just enough to peer around, and her smile grew even wider when she realized it was me and she threw it open. Then she noticed Taya and a look of horror replaced that look of joy and she very rapidly jumped out, pulling the door shut behind her.

Hopefully it was in time to stop my daughter from seeing what was on the other side. Rainbow Dash was on the bed and horrifically engorged by a water elemental pulsing around inside of her. A look of pure pleasure was on her face and she was drooling all over the bed.

Surprisingly, Pinkie was actually blushing when she composed herself enough to speak. “H-how can I h-help you, Navi?” she nervously asked.

My eyes slowly moved down to my daughter, who was staring at the door in a mix of shock and interest. My eyes slowly moved back up to Pinkie, who had gone from nervous to sheepish.

“Taya, summon me a newspaper.” Her horn lit up and a newspaper appeared. Her eyes never left the door. I grabbed it, rolled it up, and slapped Pinkie with it. “Bad pony!”

“I didn’t mean to!” I slapped her again. “Owie!”

“Let’s go to my room for a second,” I said, pointing that way with the newspaper. Pinkie sighed and hung her head, then started marching. I followed, then stopped and looked back at my daughter, who was still just standing in front of the door. “Coming, Taya?”

She gulped and shivered. “Yes, mommy,” she happily said, turning to follow.

I shook my head and herded them both into my room before entering and closing the door behind me. “Alright, ignoring all of that. Pinkie, I have some information for Aerie.”

“Uh… Okay. What do you have for her, Navi?”

“The fire elemental we’re going to get is named Blaze and Mist is his lover.”

Pinkie tilted her head slightly. “Why would Aerie—”

My window exploded inward and I got thrown against a wall, then wind started roaring in my ears. “THAT WATERY SLUT IS NO ONES LOVER!”

“Hey, you wanna get mad at someone, I ain’t it!” I yelled over the wind. It slowly died down until a small tornado appeared in the center of my room.

It snatched the newspaper I dropped and she adopted that as her face, using the paper to pantomime speech. “Where is that whore?” she hissed, venom dripping from her newspaper tongue.

“No clue. Probably somewhere on the side of the ship, where they usually congregate. Please don’t destroy anything.”

Aerie howled and the tornado got sucked out of the window. When the last of the noise was gone, the window pulled shut and sealed behind her.

“Man, bitches be fucking trippin’,” I sighed, shaking my head.

“I guess that’s why Aerie would care,” Pinkie mused, tapping her chin with a hoof. Her hair was completely windswept, which honestly didn’t make it look much worse from its typical poofiness. She shrugged and a smile came right back to her face. “Do you wanna join us, Navi? Flo is teaching Dashie and me all kinds of fun things!”

“Pass, for now,” I said. “I’m going to shower, eat, and try to beat the shit out of the naga with a stick. You have fun, though.”

“We will! See ya, Navi!” She happily trotted out, then skipped down the hall.

Flo, you fucking slut. She giggled darkly at me. I shook my head and started looking for a towel. “You interested in practicing shit with me after I shower and eat?” I asked my daughter.

“I uh… I think Twilight needed my help today!”

“Oh. Then I’ll see you when I see you, dear,” I said, bending down to hug her real quick. She followed me to the door and used magic to close it behind us.

When we were an estimated three days away from Hawaii, Watcher called a meeting with me, Gourd, and Brook. Twilight happened to be taking a break from her evil necromantic magic and joined us as well, though I didn’t figure she’d be very useful. We met in the large map room, of course.

“Ship’s flying fine,” Gourd said when we were all situated. “No mechanical or magical issues to report. Supplies are still doing good and Black Fate assured me everypony is still in good health.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said with a nod.

“Quick question,” Twilight hastily said. “I’ve been wondering this for a while. Why is our medic nicknamed Black Fate? Doesn’t that sound kinda… I dunno, bad?”

“It’s a long story,” Watcher said. “It ends with him using medical knowledge and an obscure chemical to blow up the heart of a diamond dog gangster who was threatening the temporary clinic he was operating in the middle of a gang war down in what Nav calls Mexico. What’s our plan for Hawaii?”

“We’ll stop when we get close and send in scouts,” I said. “I was thinking of sending Gilda to scout deeper into the island from up high and have your scouts check out the areas close to where we’ll be coming in. If we determine there’s nothing sapient there, we’ll begin pushing in until we get to where the fire is. Your scouts will fan out ahead of us as we move in, making sure we don’t come up on anything bad.”

“Is there any particular reason you’re sending Gilda?” Watcher asked.

“She has really good eyesight and I think she can fly higher than your ponies can. She can get high in the air and scout ahead. If she finds anything, she can come back to the ship and let us know, so we can proceed more cautiously.”

“You could use us,” Brook said. “Most land-based sapient species live near water. We can scout along the coasts and down any rivers we might find. Judging from the last known size of Hawaii, I believe we can have all of the area explored within one day. It’ll likely be larger now, so it might take longer. It would give you more time to carefully comb the land, so you do not overextend.”

“There’s a reason you didn’t do that in Africa,” I said, crossing my arms. “Zecora’s voodoo bullshit spooked you. What’s different now?”

“It’s a small island,” Brook said, her eyes going brown. “And we will be splitting up. Should we find anything, the chances of being seen are small and if we are, we can easily escape into the ocean. It is possible that we find something that can threaten us, but I believe the possibility so low that the risk is worth taking.”

“Then I’ll let you take it,” I replied with a nod. “I’m not going to rush headlong into this. I will give you and your sisters three days when we get there. Faster would be better, but we should have enough information to begin moving by the third day. Watcher, thoughts?”

“Spike can also scout. I believe that his eyes see heat signatures, so if there’s anything living under tree cover, he could probably see them.”

“And his scales are tough enough that he’d be protected from anything small,” I said. “We’ll send him with one of your scouts.”

“He can see heat signatures?” Twilight asked. “What exactly does that mean?”

“My people called it infrared,” I said, shrugging. “Anything that puts off heat, like mammals or engines, has a heat signature. Things that see in infrared see the heat signature. They don’t necessarily see the object itself, just the heat it puts off. I think dragons mostly see in infrared with a small amount of regular visible spectrum tossed in. That would let them be really good at spotting prey under trees, but it would also let them know that there are actually trees in the way so they don’t get impaled trying to get dinner. There’s no telling how many colors he can actually see. I know at least green, because he’s commented on my eyes before.”

“...That explains some things,” Twilight slowly said. “How did you know this but I didn’t?”

“I dunno. He explained how he saw things to me and I just worked it out from there.”

“Same for me,” Watcher said. “I didn’t have a word for it, though. I believe there is a spell out there that gives you similar vision, but I don’t know it.”

“I do,” Gourd said. “But I never knew it was how dragons saw things. And I don’t know what it’s called. They made us learn it to… Well, they made us learn it. It’s very effective at picking up ponies on a ship’s deck, but you can’t use it to find fish.” He shrugged. “I haven’t used it in a while.”

“Think you can teach some of my unicorns?” Watcher asked.

“I believe I can, but it only works on the unicorn who cast it. There might be another version that works on other ponies.”

“If you teach me, I can figure it out,” Twilight said. “Once you learn enough about spell structures, it’s not usually too difficult to modify them slightly. It’ll take a little bit of experimentation, but nothing dangerous.”

“A lot of your experimentation is dangerous,” I muttered, rubbing my backside. Watcher used magic to summon a rolled up magazine and smacked me with it. “Hey, I meant her necromantic stuff!”

“Sure you did, ma’am,” he gruffly replied. “Let’s get back on topic. If we find anything hostile, what do we do?”

“Depends. If it’s sapient, we can try to talk to it first. There’s no telling what might be there and I’d rather not make a species extinct if I don’t have to. But if it’s not sapient or it decides it doesn’t wanna talk, we kill whatever’s there. I’m not going to risk losing people to try to play nice with a bunch of insane locals. If we run into sapients that aren’t hostile, we talk to them only if necessary and send a note to Celestia so it can be her problem.”

“Fluttershy’s good at pacifying monsters,” Twilight said, shifting slightly. “If it’s a hostile non-sapient creature, we could probably use her to temper it. Or we could just use magic to hold it back. There’s no need to risk fully killing off a rare species, Nav.”

“How many species have we run into so far that can use some weird creepy magic shit that can flow around your spells?” I asked. “Like, what, three? Four, if you count demons. You wanna risk number five being the one that actually gets to nibble on someone, Twilight? And are you willing to put Fluttershy at risk by trusting her skills to work on something that’s probably never seen a pony in the entire time it’s been a species?”

She resolutely nodded. “I trust my friends, Nav. And I want you to trust them, too. If you don’t respect the ponies themselves, respect what they represent. We are the elements of harmony. I believe that the magic that is inside each of us will pull through, regardless of where we are or what situation we’re in.”

I looked at Watcher. He looked at me. “How pissed would Celestia be if I let Fluttershy get eaten because Twilight said it would be okay?” I asked. Twilight started grumbling.

“You have three witnesses that will testify you gave her plenty of warning,” he replied with a shrug. “She can be mad at Twilight all she wants, but we’ll all back you up.”

I looked back at Twilight. “Fluttershy can do her thing, if we run into a pissed off non-sapient creature. I don’t suppose you have any thoughts on how to deal with a pissed off sapient creature?”

“Um. Generosity, maybe?”

I looked at Watcher. He looked at me. “How pissed would Celestia be if I let…” I paused and looked back at Twilight. “Which one’s generosity again?” She just face-hoofed. I shrugged and looked back at Watcher. “How pissed would Celestia be if I let Generosity get killed because Twilight said it would be okay?”

“I think you’re covered, ma’am,” he said.

I looked back at Twilight. “Generosity can do her thing, if we run into pissed off sapient creatures. But really though, which one is Generosity?”

“Ugh, Rarity!”

“...Seriously?” She kicked me and then stalked away, still angrily grumbling. Oh man, my body is going to seriously regret that tonight. Can’t wait. “So are we all set?” I asked, looking back at my group of intelligent followers.

“If it ever becomes pertinent, I’m assigning guards to Rarity and Fluttershy,” Watcher said. “Given that half the purpose of this journey is to find the missing Elements of Harmony, I’m sure that Celestia respects their power and believes that they have special abilities. But on the flipside, half the purpose of this journey is to find the missing Elements of Harmony because something evil and discordant was able to steal them, so I have a healthy dose of skepticism regarding their actual abilities.”

“Agreed,” I said with a nod. “Brook, think you can get a sister to tail them as well? Doesn’t have to be overt or anything, just a friend to watch their back.”

“Happily,” she said with a nod, her eyes turning pink. “A few of us quite like Rarity. And a few of us can stand Fluttershy.”

“Then I think everything is settled. Primary plan is make friends if possible. Backup plan is kill fucking everything if not. Any last minute objections or thoughts?”

All I got was a few heads being shaken. Finally, Watcher said, “I think we’ve planned for all likely scenarios. Everything should go well.”

“Here’s hoping,” I said with a nod.

Everything did not go well.