Author's Notes:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N3ZKCk6Yjj53Gbv4AYvpbLbOr8geHbN4vGK6TNChDRE/edit

On the way back to my room, Taya and I bumped into the maid that typically bothers me. Of course, she was on her way to bother me yet again. “Lady Fleur de Lis would like to see you, my lady,” she said with a bow.

“How do you always know when people are here for me?” I asked. “Like, are you telepathic or do the guards just hunt you down when someone comes to see me?”

She smiled sweetly. “A proper maid never fails to serve her mistress. I took the liberty of allowing Lady Fleur to wait at your door. I hope that is acceptable.”

“It is. Thank you, Rose Dancer.” She bowed again and trotted off, humming a happy tune. I shook my head and we continued on our way.

“Can we trade Doppel for her?” Taya asked.

“No.”

“Okay.”

We weren’t too far from the room when the maid found us, so Fleur didn’t have to wait too long. A large smile split her face when she saw us coming, and she skipped to meet us. As soon as she got to us, she carefully pulled the package from me with magic and hugged me. “Ah, Nav, it’s nice to see you again!”

“It’s only been a couple of days, you know,” I replied, hugging her back. She was just the right kind of soft and squishy for me.

“Minutes, hours, days… They can all go by so slowly, if you have nothing but dull company to spend it with.” She dropped the hug and turned on my daughter. “And you must be Taya!”

“I am,” my loving daughter dully replied.

Somehow I had a feeling that Fleur would get tied in a knot if I let their meeting take its natural course, so I decided to take the reins back. “So what did you need?” I asked, continuing the walk to my room. I needed to speak to her privately and I figured if she was hunting me down, she probably also needed something.

Fleur didn’t miss a beat and followed, still carrying my box of clothes. “Do you remember the idea you had for an all-race beauty pageant?”

“Remind me,” I said, opening my door and letting myself in. The other two followed me and Taya casually pushed the door closed with magic.

“When we first became friends, you suggested that I look into a world-wide Miss Equestria show. Though I suppose it wouldn’t be Miss Equestria, at that point. Basically, take all of the races in the world, or all of the races that chose to participate, and bring them into a beauty talent show to try to bring more unity to everypony.”

“Oh yeah. That. What about it?”

“Well, Queen Chrysalis approached me yesterday and said you spoke to her about it as well. She asked if I would support her in assisting to host such an event.”

“Cool.”

“Indeed! I said yes, of course, though I admit to knowing little about the requirements of such a thing. Truly, Queen Chrysalis… scares me a little, but I believe her heart is in the right place. If… do changelings have hearts?”

“I dunno, probably?”

“Well, no matter. I told her that I would do my utmost to assist her, though I believe she actually intends me to do most of the work.”

“Good luck. I believe in you.”

She stood there for a few moments longer, possibly waiting for more. When nothing else came, she awkwardly cleared her throat and placed my package on the desk. “I was wondering if you could perhaps help me.”

“Dude, I’m leaving in a few days. And now that my ship is here, I’ve got a lot of shit to do and not much time in which to do it. If you’ll recall, I’m about to be made a noble. That shit’s happening tomorrow. I still haven’t spoken with the leader of my guards or the captain of the ship, I haven’t spoken to Celestia about what’s gonna happen tomorrow, and I also have some very important plans with Blossom tomorrow that I actually need your help with.”

“Even if you can’t lend your physical support, having your name involved would be an incredible boon, Nav. Everypony in the world knows who you are. Simply put, you’re famous and in high standing with every race that I know of. Ponies, griffins, changelings, naga, cats, sheep, minotaurs… And even more, I’m sure. If you can’t assist me in helping put the event together, can you at least give me permission to use your name when needed?”

“Sure.” She nodded smartly. “Alright, what are you doing early tomorrow night?”

“Celebrating my divorce, which will be happening some time tomorrow morning.”

“Wrong answer. You’re helping Blossom early tomorrow night.” She slowly lifted an eyebrow. “She’s telling Celestia she’s a vampire.” The eyebrow dropped and she gasped, lifting a hoof to her mouth. “All three of us will approach her. I’ll pacify her and make sure she can’t hurt Blossom. You’ll act as the voice of the people and tell Celestia you aren’t afraid. If Blossom gets kicked out of the guard, I’ll make her a vassal and she’ll come with me.”

“What if… what if the princess hurts her?”

“She won’t.”

Her ears twitched a few times. “Are… are you sure?”

I reached over to my bed, where a knife was sitting. I pulled it out and held it up. “Celestia will not harm Blossom, Fleur.” Her ears shot straight down and I put the knife back up. “If things start getting ugly, hide. Teleport yourself out if you can. But I very highly doubt that will happen. Celestia is usually a fairly reasonable person. Blossom is a good guard and has been for years. The worst case scenario I’m envisioning is her getting kicked out of the guard, which I could totally understand.”

“...Yes, especially if what she said about undead being illegal is accurate. Of course, I have no reason to doubt her.”

“She was sanctioned by Luna, not that it means much these days. Like I said, I highly doubt it’ll come to violence.”

“Hm. Having her assistance would be very useful for me in the coming months, but I imagine you would also find her invaluable. Hopefully the princess will recognize the value of having an immortal as the captain of her guard.”

“If not, whatevs. Don’t make me no difference, as long as I don’t have to actually try to fight her.”

Fleur was silent for a few long seconds before slowly asking, “Could you?”

“Fight her? Yes. Win? Psh, hell no.” Fleur blinked and Taya snorted. “Even with my armor, my weapons, and wearing my ring, she would probably beat me. But if I can get the ring on her, I can possibly buy Blossom a few seconds to run. Best case scenario of Blossom having to run is her dying tired.”

“...Ah.”

“Yeah, so let’s stay optimistic here.”

“That’s… Yes, let’s. What time would you like to approach the princess with this?”

“As soon as Blossom gets her lazy ass out of bed tomorrow night. I’ll be a noble and can make her a vassal with all the protections that entails, not that it’ll matter much if Celestia goes violent on us. I don’t know what time tomorrow I’m getting all noblefied, but it’ll probably be early. If you want to meet up some time after that and before talking to Celestia and take some time to relax and possibly celebrate your divorce, we probably can. I still haven’t spoken to my main people, so I don’t know what my schedule will be tomorrow.”

“I would… like that,” she said with the barest hint of a blush. “Blossom will actually be helping me move tonight, along with a few of my soon-to-be ex-husband’s servants. I would ask for your assistance, but I know you can’t stay up too much past dark.”

“I wouldn’t want to help anyway. Moving fucking sucks. I mean, I probably would, but I’d complain the whole time and probably make Taya do the bulk of my work.” My loving daughter rolled her eyes, then hopped onto the bed.

Before Fleur could chastise me for using my daughter as free labor, someone knocked at the door. Taya decided to take Flo’s place and used magic to open it without asking. Gourd and Watcher both walked in. Watcher sketched a quick salute for Fleur’s benefit, but he dropped it without waiting for me to return it.

“So we’ve heard some interesting news,” Gourd said.

I looked back to Fleur. “It was nice seeing you again, Fleur. Come find me after the ceremony tomorrow. If I have time, we can talk more.”

“Of course, Nav. It’s been a pleasure.” She looked to Taya with a smile. “It was nice meeting you, Taya.” She got no reply after a moment of waiting. Her smile dipped slightly before she turned to Watcher and barely bent her front knees. “Hello and goodbye, Mister Watcher.”

“Ma’am.” With that, she went on her way with a hearty gait.

As soon as her tail flicked out of the door, Gourd closed it with magic. “So how do you know her?” he asked Watcher.

“Her husband wanted to know if I was gay, so he sent her to seduce me back around when they first got married. I took her up on it and collected more than once. She remembers a few certain stallions that have showed her an exceptional time.”

“Jesus, and you call me shameless,” I said, shaking my head. “Whatever. So I’m becoming a noble. What’s changing on the boat and what all am I gonna need to do tomorrow?”

Watcher looked at Gourd. “Rock, paper, scissors?”

“Sure.” Their horns lit up. A few seconds later, a rock appeared above Gourd and scissors appeared above Watcher.

“Me first, I suppose.” They looked back at me and Watcher continued talking. “Nobles may have a personal group of guards that act as guards of their land, property, and body. They may also have a number of vassals that enjoy several privileges. A noble may have one vassal for every five square kilometers of land they possess. They may have one guard for every square kilometer. You own the Everfree Forest. The entire Everfree Forest. You may have… Well, truth be told, nobody knows how many guards or vassals you can have. An accurate measurement has never been taken of the forest and it slowly expands every few years. But you may certainly have enough vassals that every single pony on the ship could be one.”

“That seems like a lot of people to trust,” I said.

“Yes s… ma’am. Celestia and I decided that it would be best to name a vassal and call him or her the captain of your guards, and employ the rest of the guards as your bodyguards.”

“I agree with that,” I said with a nod. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that’ll be you.”

“Yes ma’am, it would. However, after we’re done saving the world, I will retire from your guard and ask that you let Sentinel be in charge. I will likely be happy to remain as your vassal, but my fighting days are coming to an end.”

“I’m perfectly okay with that. Anything else on your end?”

“For the immediate future, no. Gourd?”

My boat captain nodded. “The Second Chance is yours now, my lady,” he said with a bow.

“...Nah, I’m not letting Celestia force you to give me your ship.”

He stood back up, shaking his head. “You misunderstand. This was my decision. I’ve been speaking about it with the rest of the crew, too. We put it to a vote. Six out of seven of us agreed that we’d ask to be in your service after this whole thing was over with. The one that disagreed said we should just say buck it and do it now.”

“Dude, why? Like, come on. I gave you a boat, I gave you a second chance, I gave you a chance to live in peace. Why the fuck would you want to be under my banner?”

“Um. Because you gave us a boat, a second chance, and a chance to live in peace?” Taya giggled.

“...Alright, yeah, I walked directly into that one. What happened to being a passenger ship and all that?”

“Nav, no one wanted to hire us before we got all the scary military-level upgrades. We’re literally a floating war ship. The only ponies that might want to hire us would do it to essentially be pirates. I’m not going to be a privateer, no matter whose banner I’m flying under. At this point, we’re much better off being a trade ship, but none of us even have the startup capital to get that going. We want to work with you because we know you can support us and we know you can use us. We help you make more money, you help us stay in the air. I’ll become your vassal and my crew will become yours, under my command.”

“Fuck both of you. I’ll make you vassals tomorrow, after Celestia ruins what was left of my life.” They both nodded and Watcher actually smiled. “Yeah, yeah, you act all happy now, but wait until I tell you one of our future destinations. We’re going to pony hell.”

“You’ll get to see all your new friends again,” Watcher sarcastically replied, rolling his eyes. “When?”

“After we get the other two fires, because I damn sure ain’t going up in that bitch without them to support us. The waters still haven’t told me where the other two are, but if they manage to be in a worse place than we’ve been to so far, I’ll be extremely disappointed in myself for saying this because that meant I jinxed us.”

“You really should know better, mommy,” Taya said.

“Shut your adorable fucking face, dear,” I replied. “Do you two know if I have any kind of paperwork I need to do after this shit is done?”

“I’ve only seen one ceremony,” Watcher said. “She had to sign her name in the big rainbow book. As far as I know, that’s all you have to do that’s ceremony specific. Taya will stand at your side. Gourd and I will stand behind you, to be made your first vassals. I will have an honor guard ready, a squad of my soldiers. Two of the pegasi will accompany you everywhere until we leave the city.” I lifted an eyebrow. “Celestia’s request. Apparently there was an incident.”

“There was. Three nobles tried to rescue Pertz. I killed them. Their widows tried murdering me the next night, at a party.”

“Some party,” Gourd muttered.

“I assume there’s more to it than that,” Watcher slowly said.

“Celestia sentenced Pertz to Tartarus after an obviously biased trial. She literally started it by asking him to plead guilty to save herself some time, because it was a foregone conclusion.”

“Well, it was,” Taya said with a shrug.

Watcher’s smile disappeared, though. “She should not have done that.”

“She was doing it on purpose, to antagonize the nobles she knew were plotting against her. After the trial, she sentenced him to Tartarus in front of them all, then said he would spend his night in solitary in prison tower C.” Watcher slowly face hoofed. “What?”

He shook his head, dropping his hoof. “Prison tower C is a myth. That’s where she sentences every pony that’s too dangerous to let live before having them disposed of. I imagine Pertz is no longer alive.”

“Yeah, she murdered him in front of me, using my sword.” Gourd gasped and Watcher sighed, shaking his head. “She gave me a list of nobles and told me to kill them if any of them tried freeing him. Sure enough, three did. They attacked me, I killed them, their widows tried killing me, Fancy Pants arrested them.”

“I’m assigning three guards to you, starting tonight,” he said. “They will stay with you or at your door at all times.”

“Alright. Anything else?”

“Rarity has something for you,” Gourd said.

“Already got it,” I replied, waving a hand at the package Fleur left on the desk.

Watcher nodded. “Then you probably already know about Gilda and Rainbow Dash, the naga, and Kat?”

“I spoke to the naga, I’ll deal with Dash and Gilda, and I spoke to Kat. She swore fealty to me.”

“She did, but the naga didn’t?” Gourd asked, his eyebrows lifting up.

“Naga aren’t about that life,” I said with a shrug. “They belong to their clan first and foremost. The naga has two blood debts to me that he wants to see settled. Aside from those, he owes me nothing, although I’m actually a member of his clan. What will I need to do to officially make Kat a vassal?”

“Swear her in as one,” Watcher said. “You’ll learn how tomorrow, when you make us vassals. Or you can have her attend and swear her in there as well. Though it’s not like it honestly matters. Vassals have very few extra privileges in the law. She’d be fine as she is now.”

“If this shit is becoming official, I’m keeping all my business open and honest,” I said. Taya snorted and that reminded me that I literally just ordered Kat to break the law for me. “Mostly.” Watcher raised an eyebrow. “...Well, as long as doing so is convenient. If Kat is going to be my servant and vassal, she is going to have all the same protections and whatnot that my other servants and vassals will. Way I figure, that’s only fair.”

“Remember that she’s an assassin with a price on her head,” Watcher said. “If you have her in your employ and any of the nobles here in Canterlot find out about her past, you will instantly make dozens of high ranking enemies. You’ll also have to worry about her old employers wanting revenge.”

“I will not allow myself to become a hostage to good manners and high society,” I said. “If who I choose to associate with earns me enemies, so be it. I will encourage Kat to practice caution, but I will not cast her aside because politics deem it convenient.”

“Noble, if unwise,” Watcher said with a shrug. “You were warned.”

“Anything else?” I asked.

“You’ll probably find suitors of both genders approaching you, but mostly stallions,” Watcher said. “Please turn them down gently. I understand that you don’t consider most nobles worth your time, but you’re going to be one of them now and you can’t afford to make enemies this early. For the most part, you’ll be far enough removed from Canterlot that a few small feuds won’t bother you, but if you truly anger a noble, even a low ranking one, you’ll find that their allies become your enemies as well. Noble blood in Canterlot runs deep and most of the families are interconnected somehow. If you anger enough of them, you’ll find them all against you. Should you ever attempt a project outside of your own realm, you’ll find making headway… difficult. And they’ll be able to make many other things difficult for you in the long run, as well. The Everfree will not be an easy location to tame. Trying to do so without extra support will make it all the worse.”

“Noted.” He nodded. “So do you think I should even make an attempt to tame the Everfree?”

“I believe that doing so would be extremely difficult without permission from the spirits of the forest,” Watcher said. “Zecora has told me enough to know that. And getting their permission will likely not be easy. But if you can do so, you can build a city that’s impossible to attack, export goods that are unobtainable anywhere else, charge whatever kind of tax you want on traders coming and going, and essentially expand your operations at your own pace, free of any kind of outside influences. I believe that if you wanted, you could create a magnificent city there and become the most powerful noble in Equestria. The political power and amount of wealth you could obtain would have rivaled that of the griffin king before he decentralised his power.”

“That sounds like a yes to me.”

“Yes ma’am, that is a yes.”

“I’ll talk to Zecora about it. Anything else?”

“That’s it from me,” Gourd said with a shrug. “Though I will have some personal paperwork for you to fill out tomorrow that will dedicate a small amount of funds that Watcher and I can both access for anything the ship needs. Depending on our first destination after we leave, I can probably stock up on trade goods that’ll fetch a good price. I’ve been abstaining until now, but I believe, as long as our destination is tame, that we can make a nice profit.”

“Get it to me after I make you vassals,” I said with a nod. “I don’t know how much guards typically make. When you two get that paperwork written up, start with taking out all the back pay for the guards and your crew. I’ll give them three days, starting tomorrow, to relax in Canterlot. We leave after that. Include Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Gilda, the naga, and Spike, but don’t pay them any more until I speak to them.”

Watcher bowed. “Yes, my lady.”

“Not in private. If you gotta say anything, ma’am works. In public, go full retard if you want, though I’d prefer you didn’t.”

“Yes ma’am. And I have nothing else, either.”

“Alright. If you two have any personal uses for that money, feel free to take out what you need. The ship comes first, of course, but there’s probably plenty to go around. I honestly have no idea how much is in there.”

“I overheard some nobles talking,” Gourd said, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Word among the bankers is that you’re probably the richest patron your particular bank has.”

“Cool, then we’ll have plenty for the ship. Do what you guys need with the money.”

“I do have a suggestion,” Watcher said. “Find and hire an accountant or secretary before we leave. Let him or her keep up with the bills your keep has and keep track of the money you have. You’re a noble now. You can’t afford to rely on hearsay and rumors to know how much money you have.”

“And if we’re going to start trading on the side, we’ll need one to keep track of profits,” Gourd said. “That way, we can easily know what route is the most profitable and what goods we need to move to make the most.”

“Fuck, I don’t know a thing about that shit,” I said. “I’ll look into it. I have enough sources of income that I should have done this ages ago. I’ll go to the bank in two days to speak to them and get some advice. This is probably something I should have done as soon as Chrysalis gave me that fucking mine, but whatever. If you guys see Kat today, tell her to come see me before the ceremony. There probably won’t be time to get her to dress all fancy-like, but I’m okay with that. Also, spread the word about my demon wing thing so I don’t have to explain it a dozen times. And if you want, feel free to tell everyone to swap over to whatever bullshit female terms they’d typically use for me.”

Watcher nodded, but Gourd asked, “Why? What changed?”

“My dick changed into a vagina.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I have a long life ahead of me. The sooner I accept it, the easier it’ll go. If I find a way back, cool. If not, it is what it is. I’m tired of fighting unnecessary battles. I am a woman and I have to find a way to be happy about that, or I’ll spend the rest of my life miserable.”

“I’m proud of you, Nav,” Watcher softly said, actually smiling. “I really am. You’ve taken a lot of bad hits, but you’re finally learning to roll with them.”

“I’d say I learned that lesson a long time ago, when I got brought to Equestria, but yeah. I’m trying to make the most of a bad situation. As time goes on, I’m finding that being a girl isn’t necessarily worse, just different. And truth be told, despite my distaste for the idea, I know being a noble will be essentially nothing but beneficial. I’ve spent too much time being unhappy. I’m finally, finally learning how to just accept and learn to like what I have, even if it’s something I never thought I’d want.” It doesn’t hurt that most of what I have is pretty fucking awesome.

Right as I finished saying that, Taya hugged me from behind. I turned and hugged her back. Gourd snuck up behind me and also hugged me, surprisingly enough.

“So I guess we’re just doing a human sandwich now?” I mused. I couldn’t hug both and Taya was squishier, I continued hugging her.

“I hate to ruin the sandwich, but that won’t stop me,” Watcher said, joining the two of them. “But if you tell anyone, I’ll deny it.”

“...Your fur is softer than I imagined,” I quietly said as he pressed against me.

“Just because I’m a soldier doesn’t mean I can’t keep myself well-groomed and clean,” he replied. “And when you grow up pink, it pays to stay clean.”

Gourd snorted a laugh. “Why?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Gourd shrugged and released me first. Watcher abandoned me shortly after. That left me with two cold spots. Taya decided to hold on longer, so I let her go and looked back at my soon-to-be vassals, though I left a hand on her head. “We’re headed back to the ship, unless you need anything else,” Watcher said.

“Nah. For the moment, I have everything I need. I’ll probably look over the outfits and then go find Celestia. I’m sure she’ll have some gloating to do before the ceremony.”

Watcher smirked. “I heard she liked being scratched behind the ear. If she starts gloating, try that.”

“I just might. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

Watcher saluted, still wearing a grin, and Gourd nodded. With that, they both left, leaving me with a huggy daughter. I grabbed her again and fell onto the bed with her on top of me.

When she was done having her back rubbed, we finally got to looking at the packages Rarity so generously gave us. When I opened mine, my mouth actually dropped.

The white dress had dozens of extremely ornate designs, detailing every one of my deeds. Helping the naga, depicted by me standing in front of a farmer with a brutal dagger in one hand. Acting as Santa Claus in Ponyville, shown by a wrapped present. The Egypt campaign, depicted by me flying toward a pyramid. Guarding Twilight when she did her water shit, depicted by me next to a unicorn with a sword in my hand. Bringing Spike to the dragon migration, depicted by a dragon eye overlaid on a diamond. The defense of Emerald Script, shown by me standing with wings bared in front of two cowled cats. My tree powers, shown by my body overlaid with an oak leaf. The Maris competition, depicted by me standing on a pile of bodies with a sword in my hand. The changeling invasion, depicted by me standing on a dome. The dream machine, depicted by a picture of the statue. My discoveries in the Everfree, depicted by a pair of stones, a key, and a ring. Finding Reginald, depicted by me on a dragon. Beating Blueblood, depicted by me shooting him with a crossbow. Defeating the diamond dogs, depicted by a blur of shapes raining fire. Saving Cadance, depicted by me shooting a cowled griffin. Finding Excalibur, depicted by me killing a giant spider with the sword. My victory at Flankfurt, depicted by me squaring off against a cat. Saving Skyla, shown as me wearing nothing but a blanket squaring off against two cowled ponies. The war games, depicted as me with large fangs and bat wings, in my night knight armor. Blueblood’s attempted assassination, depicted as a horn through my chest and lightning shooting over my shoulder. Lyra and Bon Bon’s wedding, depicted by me standing between a pony and a changeling. Sombra’s defeat, with me standing over a dark pony, my hands raised to fight. The book world, depicted by the book overlaid with a feather. All of the shit in South America was sewn in as though it was all in a web, including our victory in the ambush, my assassination of the priestess, becoming a queen, and then making Arachne back down. Antarctica, depicted with a skull and crossbones. The victory over Trixie, depicted by me and a unicorn standing against another unicorn and an alphyn. Beating Pertz, depicted by just a picture of Africa with the Congo drawn in. My fight against the demons, depicted by what I later learned was the main symbol used to purify a demon’s sign. Finally, my ascension to a noble, shown by me wearing a tiara.

“This is beautiful,” I whispered, doing my utmost to actually take the thing in.

“It’s better than mine,” Taya matter-of-factly said. Her white dress had a few events, but her life was considerably more empty than mine. My dress had no blank spots. The blank spots on hers were filled in by lightning bolts.

I honestly didn’t know what to say about the dress, other than that it wasn’t at all what I was expecting. No frills, mostly white, a good length that wouldn’t trip me, and it was loose enough in the legs that I could easily move.

“I can’t believe this,” I muttered, setting it on the bed and slowly running my hand down the front. It was completely unlike anything else Rarity had ever made for me, aside from my direct requests. And even then, I had to watch her on those, because she typically added embellishments when I wasn’t looking and could stop her.

“Well, she also left a note,” Taya said, using magic to pull it out of the box. “I guess this is just what the princess asked for.”

“Probably.” I took the note and started opening it. “I bet this is just her complaining about how basic it is. Though I don’t know if you can really call this simple.”

Then I read over the note.

I slowly put it on the dress and lifted a hand to my face.

“What’s wrong, mommy?” Taya asked.

“Nothing, dear. Aside from the fact that now I feel like a total bitch.” I picked the note back up and started reading aloud. “My dear friend Navarone, I hope you love your outfit. I honestly and truthfully consider it my greatest work ever. The outfit Princess Celestia commissioned for you would have looked truly awful. I believe she wanted you to wear it as some manner of punishment. I will not allow that, not for one of the most important days of your life. She may be upset with me, but I don’t care. I will not allow one of my best friends to look back on such an important moment with disgust, because they were forced into that moment looking anything other than their absolute best.

“I know there are times you think I dislike you, and I know there are times I think you dislike me. But we both know that we are friends. Friends with differences, friends with problems, and sometimes barely even friends at all, but I don’t think we ever truly could dislike each other. With that in mind, I am more honored than you could understand to make this dress for you. You are a true hero, and should look the part when you are finally recognized for it.

“I know you are not vain and dislike talking about your past deeds, so please, let my outfit do the talking for you. On this day of all days, allow yourself to feel pride. You have helped so many. There is no way for all of us to repay you. I hope this dress will act as a reminder of how much you are owed. Wear it with pride, for you have earned it.

“I am so happy for you that I could cry. Or laugh. When I see you, I suppose we’ll see which. Either way, I doubt I could properly express myself, so I took the liberty of doing it in a letter. I hope you take no offense.

“Love, your dearest friend Rarity.”

I slowly put the letter back on the bed and just stared at it.

Taya nodded and said, “Yep, you probably should feel like a total bitch.”

I slapped her with the letter, then walked over to my nightstand to grab the key and the ring. “Stay here.” She did so and I walked back to the ship alone.

When I got there, Kat was on the deck and it looked like she was going to start walking in. “I was just about to find you,” she said. “Watcher said you needed to speak to me.”

“...Yeah. Be at the ceremony with Watcher and Gourd tomorrow. I’ll make you an official vassal, so you get all the same rights and privileges.”

“Happily. Perks are always nice.”

“Also, you might need these,” I said, holding up the ring and key. She quickly snatched them and shoved them in a pocket before any of the guards could look our way, not that any of them really cared. “Get those back to me when you can.”

“Of course. Watcher also said we were going to be here for a little while. Is that right?”

“Yes. But try not to procrastinate.”

“I won’t. I was going to commission something from some metalworkers if we had time.”

“If you need extra bits, let me know.”

“I shouldn’t. I still have all the money from the Antarctic contract. I’m heading to that district before they close, unless you need anything else from me.”

“I don’t. See you tomorrow, Kat.” She nodded and started ambling down into the castle. I went down into the ship. Most of the crew and guards were gone, presumably celebrating their return to actual civilization. The halls were completely empty and mostly silent.

Rarity’s door was open this time. I could hear shuffling in there before I planted myself in the doorway. She was using magic to pack a few bags. If I had to guess, I’d say she was planning on going to Ponyville now that her packages were delivered.

It didn’t take long for her to notice me. When she did, she lifted an eyebrow. “What do you want?” she asked. I held up the letter. She eyed it for a moment before looking back at me. I lowered it and walked in. “Stay back, you fiend!” That was the only attempt she made to stop me, so I just snatched her in a hug.

A few seconds later, she slowly hugged me back.

Half an hour or so later, I found myself standing in front of a smirking sun horse and an unamused bug horse. “So what’s gonna happen tomorrow?” I asked.

“You are becoming a noble,” Celestia answered, her smirk turning into a full grin. “And you’ll be wearing your adorable noblemare’s dress. I can’t wait to see you in it!”

Moonbeam snorted and shook her head. “And you think I’m sadistic.”

“At least Celestia lets me cum sometimes,” I muttered.

The bug horse used magic to swat my ass. “Just for that, you don’t get to cum the next three times we’re together.” Celestia giggled.

“Sadist. Anyway, I meant the ceremony. What all do I need to do?”

“Very little,” Celestia said. “I have a script, but you do not. My script will be a slightly modified version of the standard one, but there’s still nothing in particular that you’ll need to know going into it. What will happen is that I will say a few words, you’ll repeat some back to me, and then I’ll teach you how to make vassals and you’ll swear in Watcher and Gourd. Most of the paperwork will be handled for you, as will all of the pomp and ceremony. Basically, all you have to do is show up. Your part in the ceremony should be over in less than fifteen minutes. And I know I probably don’t need to say this, but please come unarmed and without your ring.”

“...Why without my ring?” I asked.

“So you can swear your vassals in. Typically, I’ll use magic to seal a noble to their word of serving Equestria, but I won’t for you. That’s the slight modification I made. But you’ll still need to swear in your vassals.”

“How do I swear in vassals who aren’t unicorns, then? I don’t have magic of my own.”

“I’ll give you a magical seal with your heraldic symbol on it. Non-unicorn nobles use that to swear in new vassals. It will need to be attuned to you tomorrow, but that’s part of the ceremony. Relax, Nav. Everything will be taken care of. Tomorrow is your big day and I will ensure that nothing goes wrong.”

“I’m the most relaxed I have been for a very long time, Celestia,” I said. “I’m not worried at all, I’m just trying to get a feel for what’s going to happen. You needn’t worry your pretty little head about me being nervous.”

Her cruel smile turned warm. “I’m happy to hear that, Nav. I believe that I will be able to turn in early tonight, if you’d care to join me. I can’t imagine Moonbeam would mind if we spent some time together, just the two of us.”

“I’m afraid I can’t,” I said. “I have spent too long away from my daughter. I’d be delighted to join you, but I’d much prefer her company, no offense to you.”

She nodded. “I understand completely. The two of you are perfectly welcome to join me for dinner, should you be so inclined. I shall send a summons for you tomorrow, when it is time for the ceremony. Be prepared for it at ten in the morning.”

“I’ll be ready. And I will need to speak to you tomorrow night, before I go to bed. Please make some time available. It’s pretty important.”

She nodded again. “Of course. If it’s late enough, I’d be happy to discuss it over dinner. Perhaps just the two of us…?”

“I’m afraid not. We’ll have two other guests, though if all goes well, they shouldn’t be there long. After they leave, we’ll have the night to ourselves.”

“Then I hope all goes well. Now, I’d love to continue, but Moonbeam and I really need to get back to work. She’ll have to return to her hive soon, after all.”

“Then I’ll see you both later,” I said with a nod. “Night, Moonie.”

She smirked and turned into Taya. “If you really prefer your daughter’s company…”

Celestia used magic to slap her in the back with a book. “No.”

“Goodnight, Chrysalis,” I coldly replied. I left without waiting for her to reply. As soon as I stepped out of the sitting room they claimed as their work space, my escort of three guards fell into step behind me.

It was actually starting to get late, so I knew that I’d need to think of something to do for dinner. Once it became night, I’d pass out unless Taya gave me some energy or Flo kept me up. Without those, Taya would be on her own for food. She could probably manage, but I wouldn’t want her to have to.

And of course, she’d probably demand that I eat before going to bed anyway.

I looked over my shoulder at my gaggle of guards. “Any of you know a restaurant close by?”

“The kitchens are currently open,” one said. “That would save you a trip.”

“I really don’t want to sit in a cafeteria right now.”

“Then use room service. Your room has one of those magical bell cords, right?”

“...I forgot about that. Any of you guys hungry?”

“Watcher would be… somewhat unhappy if we ate on duty.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“...I could eat.”

So when we got back to my room, we all got food. It was pretty nice.

Around three in the morning, when I was most definitely asleep, something slowly eased down my back, lightly pricking at my skin and giving me goose bumps. Normally, that wouldn’t even be enough to wake me up, but Flo must have forced some adrenaline into me, because I went full retard, tossing Taya out of my arms and elbowing whoever the hell was behind me in the face.

Before my assailant could recover, I shot up and tackled her, dragging her to the floor and almost beating the shit out of her before I realized it was just a horrified Kat.

That didn’t stop Taya, who vaulted across the bed and lit the room up with a flash of horribly bright light, then shot a lance of fire under me. Normally, I’d find myself looking at a very crispy kitty. Thankfully, this particular kitty was still wearing my ring. Before Taya could hit her with something else, I held up a hand and calmly said, “Taya.” My daughter stopped immediately, though her horn was still lit up and ready to go.

I stood and held up a hand for Kat. She eyed it for just a moment before taking it and letting me haul her to her feet. “You’re quick, Nav. More so than I thought.”

“Yeah. Did I hurt you badly?”

“Nothing that will not heal on its own.” She removed the ring and held it up for me. I took it, of course. “I have successfully breached Celestia’s library.” She waved a paw to my desk, where she left a few books and my key. “Doppel took Spider back to the ship already.”

“You work fast, Kat. Any problems?”

“She will know that her library was breached. I do not know how long it will take her to realize. All of her traps were magical in nature, so your ring made short work of them. I left no trace that I could tell, but I am not sure what manner of defenses she might have that I could not detect. The three of us split up after the raid and went our separate ways. Doppel and Spider rendezvoused elsewhere and I wandered for a while before coming here. I believe there will be no problems.”

“I hope not. Taya, hit her with some healing.”

“It’s really not—” Taya healed her anyway. “...Thank you.”

“After the ceremony, Watcher and Gourd are getting me some paperwork that will allow them to take funds from my account to pay for shit they and the ship need. If you want, I can get them to add you to it as well. As my vassal, you’d be able to take what money you need.”

Her eyes widened for a moment before she winced and her ears shrank down. “No thank you. I would be too tempted to abuse it. I appreciate your trust in me, but I’m not worthy of that much.”

“I’ll take your word for it. Come to me if you need anything and you find yourself short. Now, go get some rest. The ceremony will probably be around ten tomorrow.”

She nodded. “I’ll see you in the morning, Nav. Sorry for waking you like that.”

“Man, what did you even do? I just felt something on my back and freaked.”

One of her paws lifted and her claws extended. “Lightly ran this down your back. I think those little bumps you get are cute.”

“Oh. Well, goodnight, Kat.”

“My lady,” she said with a small bow. She started heading out, so I fell back into bed. Taya joined me a moment later. Just like that, I was asleep again.

The next morning, my daughter and I had a staring contest. In her mind, it was a battle of the wills. In my mind, it was a battle against my patience, which was rapidly running out. Finally, I lowered my hands to the sides of the chair. “Taya, you can choose the easy way or the hard way. Either way, this is going to happen. One way involves a lot more time and pain for both of us. Don’t take that path.”

“Don’t make me do this, mommy.”

“Trust me when I say you won’t be doing it alone, dear. I will go get Twilight if I have to.”

She eased back in her own chair and her eyes went unfocused. Finally, they returned to mine. “Why do we have to?”

“Because that’s just the way it is. It’s expected of us, and today, we’re going to give them exactly what they expect. Now please, make this easy on both of us.”

She went silent for a few very long seconds before muttering, “I don’t wanna…”

“Too fucking bad.” I popped the makeup container open. “Look up.” Her head tilted to the ceiling. “Don’t play dumb with me. We’ve done this before.” She sighed and lowered her head back, then just looked up. I started applying the stuff and giving her directions as needed. She bore it with a sullen silence.

Soon, my daughter was transformed from an adorable little filly to an adorable little filly with makeup on her. It made basically no difference in my mind, but I still haven’t figured out what actually makes ponies attractive or not. To me, it was pretty much just like putting makeup on a horse.

When I was done, she turned her baleful gaze to the mirror and sighed in utter disappointment. “Why, mommy?”

“Because life is suffering and it only stops when you die,” I answered. “We still have an hour and a half, so you can get in your dress now or wait, up to you.”

She slid out of her chair and plopped her ass down on the bed. “I’ll happily wait. And watch you put on your makeup, of course.”

“Of course.” I was planning on doing it anyway. There wasn’t really a justification for doing it at Fleur’s party but not for the big ceremony to turn me into a noble, so I figured I was better off just doing it and getting over myself instead of trying to come up with an explanation for Celestia.

Once it was all good to go, I leaned back in my seat and just stared at myself. Honestly, I really had no idea what to think. My hair was light orange and down to my ass at that point, finally so heavy that instead of being super curly, it was mostly straight. My face was feminine and covered in makeup, making me look closer to my sister than me. One of my shoulders sported a demon wing and the other, an angelic wing.

I slowly lifted a hand to the mirror and slid it over my face. “I don’t even recognize myself anymore,” I whispered.

A knock at the door cut me away from self-pity. Before I could put on some more clothing or even think to stop her, Taya used magic to open it. Watcher, Gourd, and Kat all entered. Watcher was in his armor, Gourd was wearing a ship captain’s outfit, and Kat was wearing a set of heavy silk armor. All of their outfits were emblazoned with my red hand symbol.

Before Watcher could complain, I said, “Sorry for being mostly naked. My oh-so-sweet daughter is in a bitchy mood because I made her wear makeup and doesn’t seem to like waiting for permission to open doors.” She snorted, of course.

Since I cut that off at the start, Watcher just shrugged. “We’re usually completely naked anyway. Do you have everything you need for the ceremony?”

“Yeah. Once I braid my hair and get dressed, I’ll be good to go.”

Gourd shook his head. “Leave it down. It looks much better.” Everyone looked at him and he shrank back a little. “I-in my opinion, that is…”

I let that silence last a few more seconds to make him feel awkward. When his ears started twitching, I said, “I wouldn’t be making you a vassal in an hour if I didn’t value your opinion. Down it is.” He breathed a sigh of relief. “But you’re brushing it for me.” I tossed the brush at him. He reflexively caught it with magic.

“Um…”

“Did I fucking stutter?” He thought for a second, shrugged, and then walked over to my side and started running the brush through my hair with magic. “Did you two get that paperwork squared away?”

Watcher’s horn lit up and a small stack of paper appeared next to him. “We’re gonna need your signature a few times. It can’t actually take effect until we become vassals, but you can go ahead and sign everything now.”

“Float them on over,” I sighed, holding out a hand. He handed them to me and made a pen appear as well. “Alright, give me the abridged version of what I’m signing,” I said as I turned to face the desk. Gourd scrambled to follow me with the brush as Watcher walked up to stand at my other shoulder.

He explained what each page and signature meant as I signed them off. It pretty much boiled down to them getting an allotted three thousand bits a month. Their account would be refilled at the end of the month. Once they used the full three thousand, they could no longer obtain more until it reset. The unused money wouldn’t stack, so the highest it would ever go was three thousand. And that number, they assured me, was probably going to need to be adjusted every so often. That was just the amount they would need to catch up on all the costs they had up to that point.

So basically, as soon as they became vassals, I’d almost instantly lose three thousand bits for back pay, supplies, repairs, possibly trade goods once we had our next destination, and a few other odds and ends. Given that I already sank upwards of ten thousand bits into the expedition, it didn’t really seem like too big of a deal. I honestly had no idea how much I had in the bank, but I’m pretty sure each book I published was five hundred for the book itself and then royalties, and I had published at least a hundred books at that point. That put me at a base fifty thousand bits just from books, with god only knows how much in royalties that were being automatically deposited. Then there was the mine, the inventions and their royalties (like the pen), and a few other odds and ends.

So basically, it would take me a while to miss three thousand bits a month.

By the time I finished signing all those papers, we had about forty-five minutes left before the ceremony. None of us actually knew where it was supposed to happen or how long it would take to get there, so I knew my daughter and I needed to finish getting ready quickly. “So who knows how to help a lady get dressed?” I asked.

Watcher rubbed the back of his neck with a hoof. “I’m pretty good at helping them get undressed…”

“I can help,” Kat said. “Part of my training before… Well, I know how to assist noble ladies in a variety of ways.”

“Good. Help Taya, please. I can get dressed on my own.” My daughter sighed dramatically and hung her head. “Save the theatrics for when I’m making you do something on your own. I’m also putting on a fancy fucking dress, so I don’t wanna hear it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, mommy.” She turned to Kat and put on what she probably thought was a happy expression. “Don’t you just love dressing up and feeling pretty?” she asked with something approaching enthusiasm.

“Yes, actually,” Kat said. “So you’ll get no sympathy from me.” She walked over to where Taya’s dress was hanging and grabbed it. “Now let’s get you looking pretty!”

Kat had my daughter suitably in paw, so I walked over to grab my dress, but two sets of magic snatched it before I could touch it. I looked over at Watcher and Gourd and lifted an eyebrow.

Gourd shrugged. “We’re already here anyway. Might as well put us to use.”

“Fine, whatever,” I said. “Go ahead and do your thing. But don’t expect to make a habit of this.”

“We wouldn’t dream of it, ma’am,” Watcher said. His magic gently grabbed me and lifted me up while Gourd’s magic controlled the dress to slide it under me. Watcher lowered me into the dress and Gourd pulled it up around me until I was properly suited.

“That was very unnecessary, for what it’s worth,” I said as I began walking around the room to get a feel for the thing.

“You’re going to be our lady soon,” Watcher said. “It’s pretty much in the job description of a vassal to help their lords and ladies however possible, even when unnecessary. Usually, help is requested. Sometimes, we have to act on our own. Generally speaking, we won’t be doing anything we haven’t already been doing. But taking someone as a vassal implies an extra level of trust than just having someone as an employee, so to say. For example, should you ever become hospitalized for any reason and Taya is not around, the longest serving vassal present will be in charge of you and your forces until you awaken. Basically, it means we have the right to be a lot closer to you and we’re generally expected to help you before you even have to ask for something. In this case, that means helping you get dressed so you don’t risk falling on your face or ruining your beautiful dress.”

“Uh huh.”

Gourd shrugged and said, “I just wanted to play dressup.”

“At least you’re honest.” I had a pretty good feeling for how the dress moved at that point, so I turned to my daughter and Kat. Sure enough, Taya was in the dress, though she was staring at the little sandals Kat was holding up with disdain. “Taya, I swear to god. I know you’re a teenager, I know it’s literally programmed into you to be difficult right now, I know you really don’t want to do this. Life is just a long series of things we don’t want to do, occasionally dotted with a few things that aren’t shitty. So go ahead and learn how to tolerate the shitty parts now, because they don’t stop coming. Now put on your fucking shoes before I have all three of my soon-to-be vassals collaborate on how to make you more miserable.”

She stuck her tongue out at me. I narrowed my eyes. She rolled hers and used magic to put the sandals on.

Watcher’s horn lit up and something else lifted out of the package. I never actually looked in the box, so I honestly didn’t know there were heels in there. He floated them over to me with a grin.

“Taya, you can take your sandals off now.” Gourd burst out laughing as Watcher floated the heels back to the package. Taya smirked and used magic to remove hers. “Hey, this isn’t a win for you. I told you full well that I ain’t gonna make you do nothing I ain’t gonna do, and I damn sure ain’t putting fucking heels on again. That shit sucks hella hard.”

“I love you too, mommy.”

“Kat, pinch her cheeks for me.” Taya had time to look surprised before Kat was pinching her cheeks and cooing. I let it go on for a few seconds before saying, “You can stop if you want.” She didn’t stop, so I let it go on until Taya’s horn lit up. “That’s enough.” Taya’s eyes looked a lot more dead than normal, but her suffering is fun for everyone, so I didn’t take it to heart. “I figured a guy woulda been here for us by now.”

Everyone waited about fifteen seconds, expecting a knock. When none came, Watcher grunted. “I figured that would have done it. Celestia’s losing her touch.”

“We can give it five and try again,” Kat said with a shrug. “It is a little early.”

We all waited another ten seconds before Watcher shook his head. “They didn’t even go for the meta-conversation about it. What is the world coming to?”

We discussed how often shitty cliches actually happened in the real world until someone finally knocked on the door. Kat gracefully leapt across the room to answer it. One of the day guards stepped in and bowed for a moment. “Princess Celestia has—” He looked up, saw me, and stopped for a moment. “...You look very nice, ma’am.” His eyes were looking me up and down. I almost pretended to get offended before remembering what my dress had on it.

“Thank you,” I replied with a nod. “I’m also very impressed with this dress.”

“Er, sorry, ma’am. Princess Celestia has asked me to lead you to the hall where the ceremony will take place. If you are not ready, we can wait another five minutes before going.”

“We’re ready now,” I said. “We’ll be right behind you.”

“Just a sec,” Watcher said, holding up a hoof. “Nav, this is a good chance for you to start practicing. You’re about to be a noble lady. You need to speak a lot more politely and softly. I know you’re going into it as a soldier, but you need to start projecting yourself as a lady. You’ll need a lot of practice to stop from just slipping into your normal mode.” He looked back at the guard. “Forget you heard all of this, by the way.”

He nodded. “Of course, sir.”

“Yeah, you’re right, Watcher,” I said. “Sort of. I don’t want to look like I’m ashamed of what I am. But I want it to come out on purpose, not on accident.”

“That’s wise,” he replied with a nod. “Act like a lady normally, but when you get serious, revert back to talking like a soldier. Guard, repeat your conversation.”

The poor guy blinked, then thought for a second. “Uh. Princess Celestia has… You look very nice, ma’am.”

I very lightly curtsied. “Thank you, sir.”

He smiled and continued, “Princess Celestia has asked me to lead you to the hall where the ceremony will take place. If you aren’t ready, we can wait before going.”

“I am prepared. We would be happy to accompany you.”

“Then please, follow me,” he said with a bow.

“Just a sec, again,” Watcher said. “See there, Nav? If you act like what ponies expect a noble to act like, they’ll treat you like one much more readily. That’s extremely valuable, especially in a place like Canterlot.”

“Noted, though that matters less with how famous I am. Let’s go.”

The guard led the way out. I followed behind him and everyone else followed me. It was me, Taya, Gourd, Watcher, Kat, my three personal guards, and the random redshirt leading us. Since most of them were horses, the walk was not quiet. Even without metal shoes, hooves make a lot of noise against stone or marble floors. At least no one really spoke, so there was that.

Much to no one’s surprise, the guard took us to the royal overlook, the same place Cadance and Shining Armor got hitched. The doors were closed and two more day guards stood outside them. “Are they ready yet?” our guide asked.

“Not just yet,” one of the door guards said. “All the guests should already be there. The ceremony should begin in about five more minutes. You’ll need to enter in ten minutes, ma’am.” He tapped the door with one of his back hooves. “The princess will open these when it’s time.”

“Then I guess we wait,” I said, grasping my hands in front of my stomach. “This would be much worse if I was actually nervous.”

“How are you not?” one of the guards asked. The other two normal guards stared at him in shock and he flinched slightly. “I… I mean, if you don’t mind me asking…”

“I don’t mind at all,” I replied with a small smile. “Once you’ve stared death in the face a time or two, things that once brought fear to you seem to lose some of their power over you. I’ve stared death in the face considerably more than a time or two. I’m still afraid of plenty, but little ceremonies like this are nothing to me. If something goes wrong, so be it. But Princess Celestia has assured me that nothing will, so I have even less to fear. My mind is comfortably at ease.”

The two guards at the door shared a glance for a few seconds. Finally, one of them broke it and looked back at me. “My lady, I’d like to… apologize, on behalf of all the day guards.”

“Apologize for what?” I asked. “You have never wronged me.”

He looked down and rubbed the back of his neck with a hoof. “Some of us may have… made things slightly more difficult for you in the past. We might have followed some regulations to the letter that we should have been more lenient about. And some of us might have… maybe said some unflattering things about you.”

Once he finished, I slowly walked forward until I was standing in front of him. He didn’t look up, so I gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He very weakly flinched and finally looked up, though his ears drooped down. “I accept your apology, though I must offer one of my own. My behavior was not always as pleasant as it should have been. I am striving to leave my past mistakes behind me, and I’d like the day guards to understand that I’m trying to better myself.”

His ears straightened and he covered the hand on his shoulder with a hoof. “Apology accepted, ma’am. And thank you.” My smile deepened for a moment before I backed away, since standing that close to a horse always feels awkward to me.

One of my personal guards softly snorted and muttered, “Why isn’t she like that with us?” One of his companions swiftly kicked him in the leg. He flinched and continued muttering much more quietly.

We pretty much just chilled there for another few minutes until the doors opened, revealing row after row of ponies in the crowd. My eyes followed the red carpet leading up to the great white horse herself. Oddly enough, Twilight and Flo were standing all the way up there with her.

“That’s your cue,” one of the day guards whispered.

I calmly folded my hands in front of me and began slowly walking down the aisle. Everything about the situation felt very wrong, but I had been feeling wrong for years. I pushed down my revulsion at wearing a dress in front of a huge crowd, the feeling of wings hanging at my back, the heaviness of my long hair pulling at me, and the growing feeling of warmth I felt in my head as Flo rejoiced in how awkward I felt.

For what it’s worth, she wants it known that she was feeling happy for me, not because I was feeling awkward.

When Celestia saw my dress, she hid her surprise fairly well. Her eyes tightened just a little and her smile took a very minor hit, but neither lasted long and she went back to serenely smiling. I knew I’d probably hear words about it later, despite it being absolutely not my fault this time.

Before I knew it, I was standing directly in front of her. She stood in silence for about ten seconds, just slowly looking over my dress and letting some of the noise from the crowd die down. I didn’t even realize it while I was walking, but they were all cheering.

Finally, Celestia’s eyes met mine. “Navarone. Your exemplary service to the nation of Equestria has been noticed. It is time to reward you for all the ponies you have helped. It is time to promote you as an example to others, to show what comes of good and extraordinary deeds. Are you prepared to spend your life in service to Equestria, its rulers, and ponykind everywhere?”

“I am, Princess Celestia,” I replied. I didn’t go out of my way to be loud, but magic picked my voice up and amplified it so the whole room could hear.

“Are you prepared to live a noble life in service of justice and honor?”

Psh, hell no. “I am prepared to try, Princess.”

“Are you prepared to defend those who follow you, and lead them to live righteous lives?”

“Yes.” Though they better be doing their fair share of defending.

“Are you prepared to use the land you will be bequeathed to the betterment of the realm?”

“I am.” Eventually. Maybe.

“Are you prepared to hold the next in your family line accountable for all the oaths you have taken today? And to have your next in line pass down the oaths to her children?”

“I am.” Though there’s no guarantee Taya will ever actually inherit any of it.

She moved one hoof closer and asked much louder, “Navarone, are you prepared to be uplifted to the ranks of the nobility?”

“Yes, Princess Celestia.”

“Then I grant you the noble title of Lady of Nature, ruler of the Everfree Forest.” She leaned down and tapped me on the head with her glowing horn. The light infused my body and I felt an immense heat in me for about a second before it disappeared and the light oozed out of my body. Celestia straightened back up. “As your noble seal, I grant you these.” Twilight’s horn lit up and floated a pillow over. It had a ring and a round metal emblem, both with the hand symbol on them. Celestia’s horn lit up and she grabbed both from the pillow and floated them in front of me. She took my left hand with magic. Her smile turned into a smirk and she slid the ring on my ring finger. Just like that, her face returned to its motherly look and she floated the seal to my other hand. “Turn to your followers, Lady Navarone.” I did so and Celestia walked up next to me. “Who will be first?”

“Watcher.” That was pretty much predetermined; Kat was irresponsible and Gourd wasn’t interested in the responsibility. Watcher stepped forward to stand before us.

“Lady Navarone, hold up your emblem and repeat after me.” I held up the heavy metal seal thing and she continued speaking. “Do you swear to serve and protect me to the best of your abilities?” I repeated that, of course.

Watcher pressed a hoof against the seal. “I do, my lady,” he replied. The emblem lit up and transferred some light into his hoof.

“Do you swear to forego all other oaths and serve only me?” I repeated again.

“I do, my lady.” Another band of light shot into him.

“Do you swear to treat my employees fairly and never quarrel with your fellow vassals?” Once again, I repeated.

“I do, my lady.” Another piece of light shot into him and the emblem went dark.

“Then you are now my vassal.” I repeated that last part and Watcher bowed again and backed away. “Now swear in your other vassals,” Celestia said, moving back to her original spot.

I did that whole process again with Gourd and then Kat. When that was done, I turned back to Celestia. Flo was now holding a large book, one that had the colors of all the Elements of Harmony on it. Celestia used magic to pull it in front of her. “Sign the Book of Nobility, Navarone,” she said, summoning forth an inkwell full of golden ink and pulling a single feather from her own wing.

I took her feather and dotted it into the ink. The entire thing instantly turned gold and the inkwell fully drained. I moved it over to the book, which opened on its own to the last empty page. None of the other entries interested me, so I just pressed the feather against the page and very slowly signed it. When I finished the last letter, the quill absorbed into the book and then it snapped shut.

Celestia floated it back over to Flo and started speaking again. “You came into this world alone and afraid, Navarone. You came to us rough and scarred. In your time here, you have wildly transformed, farther than I or anypony ever could have imagined. You have become great, in every sense of the word. With your newfound power, continue striving forward and continue bettering yourself, so that may we all follow your excellent example. Leave now, Lady Navarone, and continue your service to us all.”

Since it seemed like the proper thing to do, I curtsied before turning around and leading my little procession of vassals, guards, and one very bored daughter out. The crowd picked up its cheering again and dozens of photographers snagged photos of me on the way out. Hopefully I didn’t give them any particular weaknesses to exploit for their next bout of yellow journalism.

When we were all back in the hallway, the two day guards pulled the doors closed behind us. I let out a breath of air I didn’t realize I was holding and leaned against the wall for a moment.

“Okay, Nav?” Gourd asked, stepping up and lifting a hoof to one of my hands.

“I honestly don’t know,” I quietly replied. But I pushed off the wall and turned to my followers. “Watcher, Gourd, take those documents to the bank. Get what you need.”

Watcher saluted and Gourd bowed. “Do you need anything else?” Watcher asked.

“Not at the moment. If anything comes up, I might be difficult to find today. I’m going to spend some time with Fleur and there’s no telling how that might go.”

“We’ll be fine, ma’am,” Watcher said. “Don’t forget to take some time soon to hire an accountant.”

“I will today, if I have time after I deal with Fleur. If not, then I’ll do it tomorrow. Kat, walk with me for a bit.” Watcher and Gourd fucked off and the rest of us started heading back to my rooms.

“Do you have a task for me?” Kat asked.

“Sort of, but it’s nothing big or too important. You said you don’t have many sets of clothes.”

“I don’t. I left almost all of my casual clothes behind in Egypt when I betrayed King Jim. I’ve been replacing them as needed.”

“How much fancy shit you got, and how much of it can you hide weapons in?”

“Not much and all of it. Of course, you also must remember that I am a weapon.”

“You are not a weapon, you are my friend and vassal.” She blinked. “But I was thinking that you would make a very good secret guard. No one here knows your past or your skills. If they see a cute and cuddly kitty following me around, dressed all fancy-like, they’d never think you were armed and dangerous. And since you’re my vassal, I can probably take you places I couldn’t bring normal guards. Would you be okay with that?”

Taya teleported in front of me, forcing the whole procession to a stop. “Why can’t I do that?!”

“Everyone knows you killed Blueblood and got a cutie mark for doing it. The goal of this is to be stealthy, not wave it in front of everyone’s face. By all means, help protect me and everyone else, but it’s hard to be a secret weapon when everyone knows about you.” I finally walked around her and we continued on our merry way, though Taya was muttering up a storm.

“I would be happy to serve you that way,” Kat said, now that Taya’s outburst was dealt with. “I honestly thought you wouldn’t have too much use for me.”

“I hope I never need you. But in case you didn’t hear, I was almost murdered at a fancy party a few days ago. No one there had guards, but there were probably a few vassals here and there.”

One of the guards Watcher assigned me spoke up, saying, “It’s actually your legal right as a noble to have us wherever you want us, my lady. But it’s their legal right to deny you entry if you do have us.”

“It may be my right to have you, but that doesn’t mean I should exercise that right. Not that I don’t trust you guys to protect me, but I’d rather not give other people the impression that I think I need guards around them. It’s an insult. But if Kat doesn’t look like a guard, no one can be insulted.”

“That… does make sense.”

Of course it does, I said it. “There’s not too much of a hurry at the moment,” I said. “I’m not expecting there to be trouble any time soon. Right now, the only people that might want to hurt me are probably cowed. But you rarely expect to have trouble until it’s on you, so I’d like to be prepared. Whenever you get a chance, get someone to make you some fancy clothes. I’ll leave it up to you what you get. If you need more money, let me or Gourd know and we’ll get you sorted.”

“I’ll speak to Rarity when we all get back on the ship. I don’t know how she’s doing so much with the limited tools she has, but she’s managing.”

“Yeah, she’s a fucking trooper,” I said, running a hand across my dress. “That’s all I needed for now. Are you gonna be on the ship?”

“I’ll be sleeping there, but most of my time will probably be spent around the city with Spider. Canterlot is a fascinating place.”

“Yeah, it has its moments. Enjoy, don’t molest any pegasi, try not to get arrested.”

“Of course. If you need me for anything, just let me know.” She bowed for a moment before dipping off down a side hall. Which is funny, because I happened to know that side hall went pretty much nowhere. She’d likely be wandering around the palace for a few minutes before she could even find someone to ask for directions.

But I let her do her thing and continued on my way. When we got to my room, the guards took up their positions outside while Taya and I went to change. “So what are we doing for the rest of the day?” Taya asked.

“I am going to track Fleur down and spend some time with her. She just got divorced. I know it’s what she wanted, but it’s still a very big and very final step. I need to make sure she’s doing alright. Then I need to head to a bank and get an accountant, then I need to confront Celestia about her captain of the guard being an unholy undead abomination.”

“When did we start liking Fleur?”

“I’ll let you know when I figure it out. But she’s on my side now. Or I’m on her side, whatever. Point is, she’s not the vapid slutty noblewoman that I thought she was. She’s a surprisingly intelligent slutty noblewoman that uses all manner of cunning and conniving to maintain her personal status quo. Very charming, very nice, interesting to talk with. Anyway, we like her now, but I’m not really sure when I actually started liking her instead of just pretending to so she would leave me alone about it.”

Taya sat in silence for about a minute, just staring at me as I changed out of that super fancy dress. I didn’t really know what to do with it, so I just laid it across the bed to be dealt with later. Finally, she sighed and shook her head. “I don’t understand adults, mommy.”

“I don’t understand adults sometimes either, dear. What do you need help understanding in this particular instance?”

“Why did you have to pretend to like her to begin with? Why not just tell her to leave you alone once you two stopped fighting?”

“Two reasons. First, because Fleur is very powerful in her own ways and having her as an ally is more useful than having her just neutral. Second, Flo wanted to see me suffer so she made me spend more time with Fleur. In that time, I realized I actually didn’t completely hate her. Eventually, I actually started liking her. It’s amazing how different people can be when you actually give them a chance to be themselves.”

“...That sounded a lot like something Twilight would say.”

“Shit, you’re right. I’m spending too much time with you adorable miniature horses.” I finished putting on a much less proper set of clothes and stretched. As nice as that dress was, it felt good to be wearing pants and a regular shirt again. “Are you going to be fine here on your own, or are you heading back to the ship until I get back?”

She blinked. “I thought I was going with you.”

“Oh. Well, that’s probably for the best. The plan was to have some freaky-deaky lesbian horse sex with her, but I’m on my period and I really didn’t want to make her deal with that. Do you actually want to go?”

“I can deal with her if it means getting to spend time with you.”

“Cool. Then get undressed unless you want to go looking all fancy-like.” Her horn lit up and she teleported out of the dress. A second later, it crumpled to the floor. “And don’t just leave it there. Rarity finds very inventive ways to punish people who treat her work poorly.” She rolled her eyes, but used magic to drape her dress across mine on the bed. “Alright, you ready?”

“Yes. Are we going to bring the guards?”

“I’ll put it up to them. I’d prefer not to, but I’m sure they have their orders and if I’m not fucking Fleur, then privacy won’t matter as much. And, you know, after almost getting murdered, might be nice to have them around.”

“That’s why I’m going, silly!” she replied, beaming.

“Uh huh.” I rolled my eyes and walked to the door. She hastily followed. When we were back in the hall, I looked at the guards. “I’m going to go find Fleur. You guys can come if you want or you can take off.”

“We’re coming,” the squad leader said. “We all know what Watcher would do to us if anything happened and we weren’t there.”

“...What would he do?” I asked. I had a few guesses, but I wanted to hear what they thought.

“It would start with yelling, possibly move to castration, go to forced PT until we couldn’t move anymore, and probably end with throwing us overboard when we’re above the ocean. All the same, I’d much rather shadow you for a few hours, especially if somepony actually has it out for you.”

“Glad to know my safety is foremost on your mind,” I sarcastically replied.

“We live to serve,” he said with a very theatrical bow.

“Sure you do,” I muttered, brushing past him. I happened to have Fleur’s new address, but I had no idea if she was home or not. But I figured if she wasn’t, I could probably track her down from there fairly easily.

It ended up being a moot point, because I bumped into her at the main entrance. “Looks like I decided to come by just in time,” Fleur said with a big ol’ grin.

“Looks like it. I was just about to head by your pad. Hope you don’t mind company, but my highest ranking vassal is concerned about my safety.”

“He has every reason to be,” she said with a nod. “I don’t mind at all. And now that you’re finally a true, proper lady, it’s only fitting that you be accompanied by strong, tough stallions.”

One of my guards looked at her own rump. “I’m a mare, actually,” she said, turning to look back at Fleur.

“...Being accompanied by strong, tough mares is also suitable. Shall we away to my new home? I’d love to give you the tour.”

“Sure. The palace has its benefits, but I’m not a fan of all the bowing and scraping.”

“Oh? I heard you were quite the maid chaser…”

Ugh. “That was one time. And she was blackmailing me! All I did was finger her a little.”

“Well, it seems you left quite the impression. From what I understand, the princess had to make sure a mare with more feminine tastes was assigned to your room so your maid would not seek to… ahem, blackmail you again. Though it seems that backfired on her quite heavily after your affliction.”

Taya snorted. “You sure know a lot about maids.”

“It pays to know who is assigned to who in the palace, dear,” Fleur replied, her grin turning sly. “The servants in Celestia’s personal palace are notoriously difficult to bribe, but they do so enjoy gossiping. Why, I’ve heard some unscrupulous ponies could easily listen in on their conversations and hear all manner of interesting details about the most famous ponies in the world.”

“So you eavesdrop on maids to learn secrets?” Taya asked.

Fleur pretended to be shocked and offended. “I would never do such a thing! I am a proper lady, not some… some blackmailing maid!”

“But you just said—” I cut my daughter off with a hand on her head. She looked up at me in confusion.

“Forgive my daughter,” I said, patting Fleur’s neck. “She is used to me, not the indirectness of polite and proper conversation.”

“I see. There is a reason many nobles consider that a filly should be seen and not heard. Colts and fillies occasionally have difficulties keeping some things they have heard silent. It can take them some time to learn how to speak circumspectly, so to say.”

“Why would I wanna learn that?” Taya asked. “Shouldn’t I just say what I want to say?”

“Unfortunately, no,” I said. “Part of growing up is learning when to say what. There’s certainly some merit to speaking only the truth and only what you’re really thinking, but getting and keeping friends and allies can be difficult. A lot of the time, people will lie just to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or just because they need that person to think or feel a certain way. And sometimes, speaking around issues is important, because some things don’t need to be said. Learning what those things are is also a part of growing up.”

Taya looked ahead and glumly replied, “Growing up sucks.” All three of my guards laughed.

When we got to Fleur’s pad, she gave us a tour of the place. This house wasn’t anywhere near as opulent as her old place, and it wasn’t decorated at all. I guess Fancy Pants kept all his shit or she hadn’t had time yet to fix it up. There weren’t too many boxes lying around, so I was going for the first one. I had a feeling Flo was already planning on what paintings to give her.

Once we all had the grand tour and she offered to feed us (I turned her down because she probably didn’t actually know how to cook), she very gently and politely asked to speak to me privately. I had been waiting for it the whole time, so I told everyone to cool it in her new living room while she led me elsewhere.

“I’m surprised you waited this long,” I said as soon as we were far enough away from the others.

“I’m surprised you brought them.”

“Well, I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with my daughter and the guards told me they’d come even if they had to secretly follow me, so I figured that was a moot point. I hate to saddle you with them, but you know how it is.”

“Indeed I do.” She pushed open a door to a room she hadn’t shown us in the tour, what I was expecting was her personal bedroom. When we got inside, I found that it was actually an office. “I’m afraid I don’t have a chair made for a biped yet, but that will change soon. Please, sit wherever you’d like.”

“This is not what I was expecting,” I said as I picked a couch to chill on.

“Well… I mentioned before how I wanted to… celebrate my divorce. And I’d certainly like to do so in a carnal manner of some sort, but not with your daughter and guards in the next room. I will not be fast and I will not be quiet. Should we ever be together in that way, I will make it a long and enjoyable experience for both of us.”

“Truth be told, now that you aren’t married anymore, I could definitely see us having some fun. But I’m currently on my period, so there would be blood and I didn’t figure you’d be too interested in that. I didn’t feel too bad bringing the others, because of that.”

“It would be… a very different experience. But I would handle it. Anyway.” She sat on the couch opposite of me and took a moment to settle in. “With everything finally moving so quickly, it feels like I haven’t had any time to just relax with a friend in some time.”

“Yeah, you’ve had a lot on your plate. Moving, getting divorced, convincing me to ruin my life even worse, the beauty pageant thing, and probably a bunch of other shit.”

“I’ve certainly been busy. And yet… I feel strangely fulfilled. I’m not used to it.”

“It’s called happiness, Fleur.” She very weakly flinched. “What?”

“I… I don’t deserve happiness. Not after everything I’ve done. Not until I’ve made up for so many mistakes…”

I sighed and walked over to her couch. She decided not to look at me, so I sat next to her and started rubbing her back. “Happiness isn’t something you earn, Fleur. It’s not something you ever ‘deserve’. It isn’t something to be held hostage and only felt when you’ve accomplished something huge. Happiness is something you make for yourself. It’s a sign that you’re doing something right. You like being busy, you like doing these new things, you like being who you are now. Being happy doesn’t make you a bad person. And you can be happy even if you have regrets. Something something learn from your past mistakes.”

“Did… did you just say ‘something something’?”

“The point is, you’re happy with your new life and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. Hell, it’s a good thing. Happiness is infectious, and the world always needs more of it. And don’t think it means you stop changing, either. Now that you finally know how to feel happy, it only gets better as you refine your interests deeper and deeper until you truly look forward to getting out of bed every morning.”

She sat in silence for several moments before sighing. “You… always seem to know what to say, Nav. Life seemed so dull before I met you. Even before we became friends, you posed an interesting challenge to me. I’m glad I found somepony so happy and good to help guide my path.”

“...I’m not either of those things. Though I’m slowly working on the happy part.”

She pounced forward, knocking me back onto the couch and straddling me. “If you don’t consider yourself good, I would be interested in seeing the being you do consider good.”

“I’m a pretty shitty person, all things told. Is there any reason you’re laying on me now?”

“You’re comfortable.” She pressed her nose against mine. “And because I think you’re cute when you’re off balance.”

“Uh huh. Well, it’s hard to rub your belly when you’re on top of me like this.”

“Oh?” She pushed herself up and then rolled over onto her back, so my stomach was pressed against her back. “It should be much easier now that I’m on top of you like this.”

“You silly ponies are so adorable,” I sighed, moving one of my hands to her tummy. “And you’re sluts for belly rubs, too.” She sighed in contentment. “You know, my hands can do all kinds of wondrous things. Would you be interested in discovering some more of them?”

“Yes,” she instantly breathed, brushing her tail over my legs.

(A good, hard fingering ahead. Ctrl+f “Sex is over” to skip)

I didn’t do anything at first. My hand slowly continued caressing her belly, making her coo softly in contentment. Her legs were starting to twitch and her tail was beginning to hike up between my legs, knowing what was coming.

After about a minute of just rubbing her tummy and letting her relax, my other hand moved over and started rubbing lower. She gasped as my hand started tweaking her nipples, warmly rubbing her crotchtits. I’d much prefer to be playing with some nice sweater puppies, but horsey crotchtits weren’t all bad. They weren’t as perky, but you could still shove your dick between them.

...If you had one.

When she started moaning, the hand playing with her nipples moved lower still, while the other hand continued rubbing her stomach. As soon as I started tweaking her clit, her legs opened wider and her back arched, pressing her body more into me.

“Sh, now,” I quietly said. “You wouldn’t want them to think we’re doing something naughty, would you?” She softly whimpered and covered her mouth with both of her front hooves. “Oh, you’re so beautiful,” I whispered, moving my mouth closer to her ear.

Her entire body started shaking as I continued teasing her. And the effort to not make any noise was turning her entire face red, though I couldn’t really see much of it at my angle.

Since she was behaving, I slowly moved my fingers down lower, so I could play with her lips. A fun-fact that no one should ever read because this is a diary you fucking piece of shit is that a mare’s labia is very sensitive. While I was rubbing that between my fingers, she came for the first time. Her body writhed against mine in throes of pleasure as I continued teasing her lips.

When her orgasm finally subsided, I kissed the back of her neck and eased two fingers inside. She squeaked and her lower legs started bending. Then I pulled those fingers up, pressing them against her special spot, and she let a moan out.

I pulled the fingers back and said, “We can’t let them hear, remember? You gotta stay quiet for me, silly. Can you do that?” She hastily nodded, rubbing her hair against my face. I blew it away from my mouth and said, “Good girl. Just sit tight, now…”

Three fingers pressed into her this time, then pulled up to lovingly caress her most sensitive of areas. She was very weakly grunting every time I pulled them up and after a few seconds, I felt water dripping down from her face onto mine. Tears, I assumed.

“You’re so sweet, Fleur,” I said, continuing my two-pronged assault. “Such a nice, pretty mare. Don’t you think so?”

I roughly jerked my fingers up, making her cry out, “YES! OH CELESTIA, YES!” She came again, pushing more fluids out and riding my hand as well as she could. Her body bucking against mine might have given me some bruises, but she couldn’t even think about my well-being at the moment.

Finally, after about a minute of shaking, she finally calmed down and just panted heavily, leaving her entire body pressed against mine. “I’m glad you think you’re so sweet, Fleur. How about you get a taste, hm?” She rolled over and off of me, onto the floor. Her mouth opened invitingly and her tongue lolled out. I moved my fingers over and she greedily took them into her mouth and started suckling, giving me a beautifully sultry stare. I used my other hand to brush her hair back while she cleaned me off.

When she deemed the job done, she pulled away, letting her tongue trail out for a moment before finally sitting back, grinning. “Thank you for the taste, mommy,” she breathed, fluttering her eyebrows.

“Don’t… don’t call me that, please.”

That killed the mood for both of us, though I was honestly done anyway. She blinked a few times before nodding. “Noted.” Then she leaned in and kissed me. I returned it, since it would be hard to deny her after fingering her like that. When she pulled back, she sighed in relief. “I really needed that, Nav. Thank you. If you’d like me to return the favor, I would be happy to, blood or not.”

“I’m fine, Fleur,” I said, pulling myself off the couch. “Shall we head back to the others?”

“Yes, though my legs might be a little shaky.”

“Well, after that screaming, I doubt they have any illusions about what we were up to anyway. Let’s go on ahead and pay the piper, shall we?”

She smiled sweetly and nodded. “Happily.”

(“Sex is over”)

When we got back to the living room, all the guards were slyly smiling and Taya was just staring straight ahead. None of them looked at us when we entered. “Your new house is lovely, Fleur,” I said.

“Thank you, Nav. I hope in time, I can turn it into a proper home. It will be lonely and quiet at first, but I’ll find one or two servants to help liven it up. I’m sure I’ll also have friends over often. Finally being free feels so… amazing.”

“You say that now,” I said. “Freedom seems nice on the surface, but there are always hidden caveats.”

“Of course. But all the same, I firmly believe the benefits will heavily outweigh them. If I were totally on my own, I would be far more concerned. But I have friends aplenty and my ex-husband to assist me in any way they can. So for now, all I can do when I look ahead is smile.”

Must be nice. “I hope everything continues working out for you. After this, you certainly have your work cut out for you.”

“Indeed. Which reminds me, I believe I happen to have an appointment soon with the organizers of the Miss Equestria pageant.”

Either that’s bullshit or you weren’t actually expecting us to fuck today. “Then we’ll get out of your hair,” I said, standing. “I need to stop by the bank before it gets too late, anyway.”

“Before you go, I wanted to know when we were going to meet with Captain Midnight tonight.”

“As early as possible. My sleep schedule goes with the sun. I can be kept up with magic, but the last time I was kept up for too long, I almost got murdered by ghosts and other hallucinations.”

She blinked. “Um. That sounds… unpleasant.”

“Yeah, it sucked. I should be in the palace tonight, when you’re both ready. Probably in my room.”

“Very well. And I would like to hear that story about ghosts at some point.”

No you wouldn’t. “We’ll see. Until tonight, then.” She showed us out the door and we went on our way.

“You work fast, ma’am,” one of my guards said.

“Fingers are amazing little tools,” I said, booping him on the nose.

“I uh… you did wash them, right?” he asked, going cross-eyed to stare at his nose.

“She has a mouth, if that’s what you’re asking.” He shivered and rubbed his nose with a hoof. The other two guards laughed at him. “Don’t be such a baby.”

“Forgive me for caring about sanitation, ma’am.”

“Maybe this time.” Torturing bat ponies is fun. They’re super adorable and only look more cute when they get angry. Of course, it probably makes me even worse of a person, but I’m okay with that.

It took us a little while to get to the bank, since it was on the complete opposite side of the city. Honestly, I was surprised that no one tried bothering me for some kind of stupid bullshit. No reporters, no random citizens, no thugs. It was nice and made me consider having guards with me more often.

As soon as I walked up to the door, it jerked open and almost slammed right into my face. One of my guards grabbed a wing with his teeth and pulled me away fast enough to save my beauty. Before I could thank him, a very irate Silver Quill stalked out, fuming up a storm. She blinked when she saw me.

“Having issues?” I calmly asked, grabbing the door with my hand before it could close back on her.

“I… Did I just hit you with a door?”

“Almost.”

“My… my apologies, Lady Navarone. I’m… not in the best of moods.”

“I can see that. I figured you’d be celebrating your return to civilization.”

She sighed and hung her head. “I wish. It’s hard to celebrate when you have no money left. Everypony thought I was dead, so my bank account was closed. I’m not married and my parents are out of the picture, so the money just defaulted back to the bank. Apparently they burn old account records every six months and my home was cleaned out and sold, so there’s no record that I ever had an account with them. I have nowhere to live. I have no money aside from the back pay the princess gave me herself, and that wouldn’t last me a month here, even if I already had a place to live. I’m very happy to be alive and free, but this homecoming… wasn’t what I was expecting.”

“Yeah, I fucking bet.” Gears started turning in my head and I looked back at her cutie mark for a moment. “Say, what exactly did you do for that trader, anyway? Like, what were your tasks?”

“I did fairly standard secretary work. I handled all of his trading books, wrote out letters to contacts he had, arranged a few minor money transfers, and a few other things. I don’t suppose you’d happen to know anypony looking for a secretary, would you?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. Let’s get out of the door, shall we?” The front of the bank was super fancy, with marble pillars and unicorn guards and crystal windows. It also had a few park-like areas with benches. I walked over to one and sat. My group all followed and Taya hopped up next to me.

“So you think you could get me a job really quickly?” she asked.

“I think I can get you a job immediately,” I said. “You might have heard that I became a noble today.”

“I didn’t hear that, actually. Congratulations, my lady!”

“Thank you. Of course, being a noble comes with having vassals, guards, and other employees, all of whom need to be paid. I’m lazy and bad at math and my other vassals have more important things to do than keeping my books straight, my bills paid, and watching my income. If you want the job, it’s yours.”

“That sounds… almost too good to be true!”

Tch, nerd. “If you take the job, I’ll put you in a room on my ship until you get everything straight and organized, and then let you return to Canterlot or let you stay in my house near Ponyville. Or you can stay on the boat, if you want, though it’ll be hard to keep in contact with the bank while you’re with us.”

“So I… I get a place to stay? Do I have to pay rent?”

“Um… No? You don’t have to pay for food, either, but you’re stuck eating whatever they’re serving at mealtimes.”

One of my guards shivered and muttered, “Always serving stewed carrots…” The female guard slapped him with her wing.

“And you’ll pay me.”

“That typically comes with jobs, yes. I mean, did I not explain it right?”

She flinched back a little. “I’m sorry, I… I’m not used to good things happening to me! Even before… what happened, I was always super unlucky. This… this is unbelievable!”

Why the hell would you agree to go to Africa if you know you’re unlucky? “If you don’t want it, I’m sure I can—”

“I do! I really, really do! When can I start? When can I move in? Is there a dress code? What are my hours? Oh, and how much do I get paid?”

“Now, as soon as we get done at the bank, no, work whenever as long as you get the job done, and I’m not sure yet. The pony economy is so weird that I honestly don’t know how much a normal salary is. You’d be on the same pay schedule as the guards, which I believe Watcher and Gourd set up as bi-weekly. Though you’d be put in charge of that, so you could move it to weekly if you want. Was the pay you got on the merchant ship enough?”

“More than enough, honestly. I’d be happy with—”

“Then that’s what you’ll get, for now. Let’s go talk to the bank people and get the paperwork you’ll need to manage my money.”

“Um. Not that I’m not super happy and very excited, but don’t you think that’s a lot of trust to put in somepony you really don’t know?”

“Taya, do you know Deceit’s End?” She nodded. “The sky is purple.” Her horn lit up. I looked back to Silver Quill. “Do you plan to abuse your new position?”

“No!”

We both looked at Taya’s horn. It didn’t light up. We looked back at each other. “Welcome aboard. Let’s go get that paperwork.” Her smile split her face and she practically pranced at my side as we went into the bank.

Once we got all that shit sorted, I sent a guard with her to help get any supplies she’d need and to make sure she didn’t get thrown off the ship. That left my group shorthanded, but I was going back to my room anyway.

Brook and Flo were there waiting for me. When Taya and I walked in, they were both merged. Once they realized we were there, they split apart. “We have come to a consensus,” Brook said.

“Good. About what?”

“The fire elementals. We will assist you in saving them. Our first stop is the island that you know as Hawaii.”

“Um. What do you know it as?”

“Hawaii. Mist and Naiad had no reason to go to it recently and the ponies have not discovered it, so we have no knowledge of what it is like now. But we do know that the first fire elemental is there.”

“What makes this one the first one?” I asked. “There are two we could get first, aren’t there?”

“Mist knows this one,” Flo said. “We believe getting him on our side will be slightly easier because of that. We’d much rather start there, because of it.”

“Fair enough. Do we know anything about where the second one is?”

“Yes. Getting to him will likely be very easy. Getting his support might be… less so. We’re of the opinion that getting the one in Hawaii on our side will be easier and that we should start there.”

“And you don’t think that should be my choice?” I asked. Honestly, their idea was the correct one, but I really didn’t want them to try superseding my authority.

“Nav—” Flo started, but she got cut off by Brook.

“The other one is in Iceland, the land of dragons,” she said. “If you choose to get him first, we will support you. But it is our opinion that starting at Hawaii is wiser.”

“In this case, you’re definitely correct. The main reason I was asking is so I could have people start finding information about our next destination, in case it was somewhere we didn’t know much about. Once we pick up the first fire, we’ll find Reginald and see if he can escort us. That’ll get us an easy ticket in.”

“That is a good idea,” Brook said with a nod. “Dragons were always very territorial and secretive. You could probably get your ship in with your own reputation, but having him with us would make things much easier.”

“Hm. Not really much we can do to prepare for the unknown… Let Gourd know where we’re going when you return to the ship. He’s looking to make some extra dosh while we’re traveling anyway. He can start planning on goods to pick up.”

“Of course,” Brook said with a nod. “And Aqua mentioned that Twilight was hoping to speak with you. Are you planning on being here for some time?”

“I have no other plans until night falls, so I do plan on being here. You can send her my way if you can find her.”

“I believe Aqua can let her know,” Brook said. “I’ll return to the ship now and then I shall explore the city. Canterlot and its mountain are very interesting, to one who has spent so much time in a jungle.”

“Have fun. Just be careful around the mage’s tower. They mistook me for a test subject once. They might do the same for you.”

“I will be discreet, of course. I’ll speak to you later, Nav.” She lost her shape and slid out the window and then up the side of the palace.

“Well, I always did want to go to Hawaii,” I said, falling onto the bed. “Didn’t expect to go like this, though.”

“What’s Hawaii?” Taya asked, joining me on the bed.

“A small island chain in the Pacific, the ocean where we found Mist and Naiad,” I said. “Though it might not be so small anymore. I imagine after this much time, volcanic activity will have made it a lot bigger. Honestly, I kinda wonder how a fire elemental even got there.”

“Not willingly,” Flo said, joining both of us and engulfing us in her expansive body. “Mist said she knew him. What she did not tell Brook is that she was his warden. Naiad told me Mist kept him there as a prisoner, though I do not know why.”

“...And this isn’t something she thought should be shared with the group?” I asked. “I mean, all of us are going into this together. Going there blind seems pretty fucking dumb, don’t you think? Especially if we don’t know that our only contact with this guy was his actual fucking prison warden.”

“I am aware. But I believe he is still our best option, all things told. And Naiad also agrees.”

“I ain’t getting caught flat-footed on this, Flo. I’ll speak to Mist myself when we’re on the way and get the full story.”

“Very well. I do agree that we should all be on the same page when we get there. Knowing what we’re getting into is important.”

“Good. Do you want to be there when Blossom comes out tonight?”

“I do not think I will be needed, but I will be there until the situation is resolved. Your assumption about me wanting to assist Fleur in decorating was correct. I am planning on painting several things and hiding very lewd and sexual things in each one.”

“I absolutely love what I turned you into, Flo.” She sighed and turned a delightful shade of pink just in time for me to disappear.

I blinked and quickly realized that I was on the bed in Twilight’s room at the palace. Somewhat surprisingly, she was standing next to me instead of on the bed with me. “I hope you don’t mind the sudden entry, but I don’t think either of us have much time to spare while we’re here,” she said.

“I mean, it’s kinda weird, but whatever. Flo will tell Taya where I am, I’m sure.”

“That was the plan. First off, congratulations on joining the nobility, Nav. Even though I’m sure you’re not too enthusiastic about it, it’ll open a lot of doors you never even realized were closed to you.”

“I keep hearing that, but I haven’t seen any proof of it yet,” I replied, finally sitting up.

“You might notice it more in time. Second, can you make time to take me to your publisher some time before we leave? I’ve written enough to publish the first book in our series.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I wasn’t actually expecting you to ever publish those.”

She lifted an eyebrow. “Is that a problem?”

“No, I trust that you kept my identity hidden. I just really wasn’t expecting you to put this out there. But yeah, I can take you to my main publisher tomorrow, probably. Only one person got anywhere near discovering my identity, and the farthest they got was figuring out who the publisher was.”

“Perfect. I’ve already edited it as well as I could, so it should be ready to go soon after they get it. I don’t need the money, but it’ll still be nice to have.”

“You wanna talk about opening doors, money does that a lot more than titles.”

“Sometimes. The last thing I wanted to talk about was your past.”

“My past is a pretty broad topic, Twilight,” I slowly said. “Most of my time was spent in the past, you know.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever Jane would have wanted me to know. I believe that’s how you put it.”

My breath caught when she said that name. I almost did something I would have regretted before several flashes of memory came back to me and I realized how she knew it.

“This… is going to be more than one talk, Twilight,” I sighed, lying back down on the bed.

“I can make all the time in the world for my friends,” she said, plopping her ass on the floor. “I want to get to know you, Nav. The real you. The you that you’ve hidden from us all for so long. I’m willing to let it take as long as it needs to.”

“You’re lucky that you’re the second most adorable of your friends,” I said. “I would never have this talk with the third most and lower.”

“...Who do you consider the most adorable?”

“Rainbow Dash. Anyway, my real name is—”

“Wait, you consider Rainbow Dash more adorable than Fluttershy?”

“Yes.”

“...And Pinkie?”

“Dude, Pinkie’s fucking horrifying.”

“Fair point. Anyway, please continue.”

And so we talked for a few hours. It was a very interesting experience, one I honestly never thought I could let myself have with a pony. But of all the ponies I had met, I believed that I trusted Twilight the most, aside from Taya.

It felt very good to get some of that shit off my chest. For some reason, just the act of telling someone what I had been through made a lot of the pain leave me. It had the unfortunate side effect of letting Aqua also know everything, but I’d deal with that problem if it ever presented itself. With Flo free, I doubted she would be an issue.

When my confession was done, Twilight teleported me back to my room. Flo and Taya had buggered off at some point. It was almost night, so I figured there was no real reason to hunt them down when I’d just have to abandon Taya again to deal with Celestia and Blossom.

So I took a shower and touched myself inappropriately to calm my nerves and alleviate some of the godawful bleeding that comes from being on your period. And also to have an orgasm, of course.

When I extricated myself from the bathroom, Flo was in my room. She immediately surged toward me and used herself to whisk away all the water from the shower. “It’s just about time,” she said.

“Sure is. You mind being stealthy tonight, unless you’re needed? I don’t want Celestia to think she’s being ganged up on too hard.”

“I have no problem with that. Things should go well, regardless. Celestia trusts you at this point. I’m of the opinion that she also trusts your judgment.”

“I hope so. I’d really like Blossom as my vassal, but I’d hate to have to clean her up if Celestia dusts her.” Especially since I’d probably also get punished for siding with an undead abomination.

Before Flo could continue reassuring me, someone knocked on the door. She instantly abandoned my naked body and opened it, because making me suffer is one of her only joys in this world. A large bug pony was standing on the other side. “Hello, water elemental,” Moonbeam said. “I have come to speak with Navarone.”

Flo moved aside, letting Chrysalis enter. She walked in and closed the door behind her with magic. When her eyes beheld my naked form, she blinked.

“Is there something you need help with?” I asked, crossing my arms. I remembered far too late that doing that just made my breasticles even more prominent.

“No. I came to apologize for my actions last night,” she said. “Offering myself to you as your daughter was… more than inappropriate. After Celestia told me that you had a few problems with ponies assuming things in the past, I realized I struck far more of a nerve than I meant to.”

“Oh.” I had actually already forgotten about that. “Apology accepted, Moonbeam. And it wasn’t just random ponies that had the wrong assumptions. Taya also had them. Growing up adopted gave her a disturbing Elektra complex.”

“I… I don’t know what that is.”

“Taya wanted to fuck me.” Her ears shot straight down. “Let me tell you, her first heat? Super awkward. Because of that and because of my reputation as a womanizer, I’m very sensitive to people implying I have an inappropriate relationship with her.”

She actually blushed. “Oh. That explains why she… Oh.”

“That explains what?” Flo asked.

“Well… As a changeling, I can sense and smell emotional states that most would be otherwise unaware of. Every time I’ve seen Taya since she got her cutie mark, she’s been shrouded in lust. Whenever she was with you, it was more intense. I may have… made some assumptions based on that.”

“...Every time?” I slowly asked.

“Yes. Even after you turned female.”

I sighed and slowly ran a hand down my face. “Alright, I thought I had dealt with this. You’re a mother and old and wise and all that. Do you think if she had a chance to get it out of her system, she’d be over it?”

“Do you… Are you thinking about actually…?”

“No, Jesus! That’s disgusting! But you’re extremely good at roleplay. You think you could… you know?”

Her eyes left mine and started jerking around the room. “I… find it very hard to believe you’re actually asking me this, Nav.”

“Yeah, well, I find it very hard to believe that my daughter wants to bump uglies with me, even after all this time and all that I’ve done to try to squanch her desires.”

“I will consider it. If I do it, I will never talk about the experience. I won’t even tell you if I ever did. The fact that I even need to… Hmph. I will consider it, Navarone. Goodnight.”

“‘Night, Moonie.” She nodded before teleporting out. “I don’t wanna talk about it, Flo.”

Instead of replying, she floated over to my clothing drawers and pulled out an outfit for me. It was a very simple yellow sundress. “Wear this tonight,” she said, holding it up for me.

I took it and slid it on. I had no idea why she wanted me to wear that, but I’m sure she had her reasons. “Flo, am I a quitter for giving up on keeping my male image?”

“No. It just means that you’ve come to accept reality, even if it’s not a reality that you like.”

“Okay, just checking. So where’s Taya?”

“On the ship. I told her that you didn’t need to worry about her tonight while you were talking to Celestia and that if all went well, you probably wouldn’t be returning to your room tonight.”

“Cool.” I sat on the bed and we just chilled until another knock came at my door. Before Flo could even move, I said, “Don’t you dare.” She made it halfway there before I could finish saying that. When I did, she paused, looked at me, looked back at the door, and then looked at me again. “You may open the door.” She finished surging that way and opened it, revealing Fleur and Blossom. “Hello. Come on in.”

They entered. Fleur took a second to look around and then asked, “We aren’t interrupting anything, are we? Your guards said Queen Chrysalis was in here…”

“She teleported out.” I hopped up. “So, you ready?” I asked, looking at Blossom.

“Yes, my lady.”

“Don’t call me that.”

She shrugged. “Just practicing, in case things go awry. So how are we going to go about this?”

“I’ll go in first, ask her to put my ring on, then call you guys in when she does. You’ll tell her, Fleur will assure her she’s not worried about you, I’ll step in if shit starts getting out of hand. Worse comes to worse, you run and I try to distract her. If she just kicks you out of the guard, I’ll make you a vassal on the spot. Best case scenario, you two leave and I fuck her for a while.” Blossom flinched. “What?”

“Sorry, it’s just… The thought of the princess doing anything like that… It feels weird.”

“Dude, she’s into all kinds of kinky shit. Anyway, not the point. Flo, can you carry my seal? Dresses don’t usually have pockets.” She moved over to where I left it and grabbed it. “Alright, let’s fucking do this.”

I led the way out of the room. Flo was the last one out and pulled it shut behind her. All three of my guards stood at attention when we stepped out. “We’re right behind you, ma’am,” the squad leader said.

“Not tonight you aren’t,” I said. “I’m not leaving the palace, so you don’t need to worry. If I’m not back in an hour, you all have the night off.”

“Where will you be, if Watcher asks?” he asked.

“Celestia’s bed.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “Oh! Uh, yes ma’am. Have a nice night.”

“I plan on it.” His entire face lit up bright red before I continued walking, Fleur, Blossom and Flo all behind me. When we were away from them, I asked, “Where would Celestia be at this hour?”

“Sun room,” Blossom said. “She’ll be finishing up lowering the sun and then she’ll head to her personal dining room.”

“Hell, the sun’s already down. She’s probably there now. And if not, she will be soon. Let’s head that way.” So off we went. Strangely enough, Fleur didn’t say a single word the entire trip. Probably nerves, if I had to guess. Once we got to the dining room, we found two day guards outside it. “Is the princess eating?” I asked.

“Yes, my lady,” one said. “She was expecting you and a few others. You are free to enter.”

“Excellent, thank you.” I looked over at Flo. “Tell them when it’s time.” She nodded and I entered the belly of the beast. Celestia was sitting at the table, sipping at some tea. The food hadn’t arrived yet, but all the places were set. “‘Sup, honeybuns?”

She eased the teacup down. “That was not the correct dress.”

“I ain’t the one who made it. Blame Rarity, not me.”

“Hm. Right or wrong, it was still beautiful. As were you, my lovely lady.”

“Go fuck yourself. Anyway, you ready for that talk?”

“I am. Though you appear to be alone. I thought others were going to join us.”

“They’re on the way. Put this on.” I held up the ring for her.

She did so without question, surprisingly. I took the seat closer to her, facing the door. As soon as I did, Blossom and Fleur entered. “Hello, Captain, Fleur,” Celestia said with a nod. “Navarone said we need to have a talk. What is troubling you?”

Blossom stopped in front of the table and stood at attention. Fleur stood at her side, using Blossom as a shield from Celestia. “A few years ago, I led a force of guards tasked with investigating a few missing ponies from Ponyvania,” Blossom said. “Did you hear about that?”

“I did not,” Celestia said. “You were under my sister’s command at the time. Your orders came from her desk, not mine.”

“My guards and I quickly discovered where the ponies were. They had been taken by an eternal, one that managed to stay hidden for years and was finally stretching his hooves and taking more power. In the ensuing struggle, most of my guards perished, claimed by his dark magic and unholy skills. I was… I was taken captive, to my shame. And while I was enthralled, he made me a vampony.” Celestia’s lips very slightly tightened. “As soon as I killed him and returned to Canterlot, I informed Princess Luna. She allowed me to keep my place as the captain of her night guards. I could not in good conscience stay your guard captain without letting you know, but until just recently, I was too afraid to tell you.”

Silence filled the room. All eyes were on Celestia, to see how she would react. After about half a minute of silence, she used a wing to grab the teacup and lifted it to her lips. She daintily took a few sips and then set the cup down. Fleur opened her mouth, but Celestia cut her off with, “How much of what happens in my kingdom do you think I am not aware of, Captain?” Blossom blinked. “You may return to your duties.”

Blossom stood there for about ten seconds, shock written across her face. Finally, she got over it and bowed. “Yes, Princess Celestia.” She very hastily left, leaving Fleur and I there alone.

Celestia turned her gaze on Fleur. “Is there something you needed, Lady Fleur de Lis?”

Fleur flinched and rapidly shook her head, then practically jumped for the door. When she was out, Celestia lifted a hoof to her horn and pulled the ring off and set it on the table.

“You had no fucking idea Blossom was a vampire,” I said with a smirk.

“I am holding you accountable for her, Navarone,” she quietly said. “And that is the end of it.” Celestia’s horn lit up and the dinner bell rang, signalling her servants to begin bringing in food.

That was a very interesting night.

The next day was a lot more calm. I took Twilight to my publisher and helped her stamp out a good contract, I dropped off all the books Kat stole with my super secret publisher, and then I did practically nothing for the rest of the day. It was nice, after having been busy for so long.

The day after that, I had to answer a ton of questions for Silver Quill to help her get a handle on all my sources of income. The bank gave her the numbers, but she needed more than numbers for her personal records. So I filled in a lot of details, which took a while.

The last day was a day of rest and relaxation, not that I particularly needed more. But after having gone through so much, being able to just spend time with friends and Taya was nice.

Finally, the time came for my ship to leave Canterlot once again. Despite my general distaste for the place, the time off to relax and get over the horrors of my journey was nice. I wish I could have given my soldiers more time, but we had no clue what kind of time scale we were on. Relaxing is important, but saving your entire species from getting wiped out by a genocidal monster seemed like a higher priority to me.

Once everyone we had in Canterlot was accounted for, we moved to Ponyville and picked up Twilight’s friends and finally set off on our next adventure.

For the first time in a long time, I felt nothing but optimism for the coming trip. It felt… right.