The Increasingly Terrible Life of a Teenage Pony Princess
Chapter 5: 5. Zugzwang
Previous Chapter Next ChapterFlash stood in the middle of the throne room, trying not to yawn. Given that he just came back from Manehattan after a long travel in a cage guarded by two policemares, it was a futile task. However, the sight of Princess Cadance sitting on her throne and staring at him was a powerful motivation.
“I have good news,” Cadance said, her tone as cold as ice surrounding the Crystal Empire. “They said that if we drop police brutality charges, they won’t mention to the newspapers that the youngest princess of Equestria fooled her guard and won, if I recall correctly, fifty thousand bits in poker, not to mention the thirty thousand young Rough Diamond managed to–”
“If I can say something…” Flash gulped, gathering courage. “I’m pretty sure Rough Diamond also played a part in–”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Cadance waved her hoof. “I tried to contact Blood Diamond and tell him about his daughter’s latest exploits, but he’s currently in one of his mines in Zebrica. Some problems with the workers.”
“Oh really?” Flash furrowed his eyebrows. Unlike him, Flurry and Rough Diamond made it back to the Crystal Empire in a comfortable carriage. Locked and with bars in the windows, but still comfortable.
“I’d suggest dropping that tone,” Cadance said. “After our lawyer pointed out that rules of the casino don’t ban reading minds when playing poker, we got those eighty thousand bits back. It was more or less enough to pay my daughter’s new friends–” she rolled her eyes, “– so they’d keep quiet about this event. Some of them wanted to pay a visit, but they’re all equi non gratae in the Crystal Empire.”
“Understood,” Flash replied. “So, what will happen to me?”
“Oh, I considered sending you to one of our military bases in the Frozen North,” Cadance replied. “But Shiny said you’re a good guard, so I’ll let you stay here.”
Flash sighed with relief.
“You’ll still be my daughter’s personal guard,” Cadance said. “Apparently Shiny trusts you.”
Flash cursed under his breath. “Good for him,” he deadpanned. “What about Flurry?”
Cadance sighed. “I guess she’s getting bored here, hence this unfortunate situation…” She shook her head. “But don’t worry, we’ll find her something to do…”
Just like many places across Equestria, the palace in the Crystal Empire had a room dedicated solely to playing chess. However, probably due to the fact that it had been built during the reign of king Sombra, the one in the palace looked like it had been designed by someone who was definitely compensating for something.
There was a large chessboard on the floor in the middle of the chamber, with dark squares made of obsidian and white squares made of marble. Each player stood on one of two balconies on the opposite sides of the chessboard. Sombra had used his slaves as chess pieces, but Cadance commissioned a new set, made of marble and obsidian, just like the chessboard. Those turned out to be rather heavy and the set, just like the big chessboard itself, was rarely used.
Two large hourglasses filled with crystals stood by the wall; each of them was connected by an intricate chain of cogwheels and pulleys to the lever at the balcony, allowing the player to switch to the other hourglass after each move.
“F4,” Flurry said, pulling the lever. They didn’t use the marble and obsidian pieces since her chess teacher, Fine Gold, was an earth pony and couldn’t levitate them. Instead, a group of foals from the local magic kindergarten got dressed as chess pieces and stood on the board, thus having the first contact with the favourite game of the princesses.
This proved to be difficult. Not all of the foals could read and square coordinates meant nothing to them. Also, at first no one wanted to be a pawn. Then, during one of the games, Fine Gold promoted a pawn to a queen and since then, everyone wanted to be a pawn. Some of the foals were rather ambitious too; when Flurry blundered a rook, he decided to resist capture by biting the incoming bishop.
“Very suspicious,” Fine Gold muttered, looking at the chessboard. Flurry’s centre looked quite impressive; four pawns stood in the row on the fourth rank, protected by the knight standing behind them and both bishops still on their starting squares. “Still theory, though. Castle kingside.”
“How?” the foal playing the role of the black king asked.
Fine Gold sighed. “Go to g8,” he replied and pointed at the colt who was the black rook. “You, with the crazy comments go to f8.” He turned to Flurry. “Last week, they had a tournament. In one of the games, both kids castled with the queen… and it was still the best game in the tournament.”
Flurry let out a brief chuckle, but she was still focused on the board. She couldn’t read Fine Gold’s mind; they actually used the big chessboard because the players were too far from each other for her telepathy to work. “Knight to f3,” she eventually said.
Fine Gold thought for a moment. “This position occurred thousands of times before. Ponies play c5 in this position, knight to a6, bishop to g4… Actually, let’s play bishop to g4.”
The black bishop moved towards the knight Flurry just played. She couldn’t move it again, though – her queen was on the same diagonal as the bishop.
Flurry decided not to rush things. “Bishop to d3,” she said. Her bishop – a short pegasus filly – stood behind the pawn in the middle and immediately started talking with the knight right next to her.
“Time to castle, huh? Knight to c6,” Fine Gold said, smiling. The group of foals in the middle of the chessboard just kept getting bigger.
Flurry looked at the bishop, still standing next to her knight. She recalled that one time when she accidentally moved the knight in such a position and lost her queen. After that, the foals protested against her poor chess skills and threatened a revolution until Flurry let them eat cake.
“Okay,” she said, looking at her pawns. They didn’t move for a while and were getting bored. “Pawn to h3.”
The pawn stopped arguing with the rook behind him and moved a square forward to attack the bishop.
Fine Gold nodded and looked at the foals from the balcony. “So, Flurry’s knight is pinned by my bishop because I said so. She doesn’t like that and wants to get rid of my bishop. I can move back or I can take the knight. What would you do?” He looked at his kingside rook. “You, with the crazy comments!”
“Fries,” the black rook replied.
“Yes, the answer is fries,” Fine Gold said. “Bishop takes on f3.”
“Aww…” the white knight exclaimed, walking off the chessboard. The black bishop walked on her place proudly, only to realise there was the queen in front of him.
He chuckled. “I’m in danger.”
“Queen takes on f3,” Flurry ordered.
“I take you, you take me,” Fine Gold half-sung, half-muttered. “You’re the worst player in history…” He cleared his throat. “Knight takes on d4.”
“Oh, come on!” Flurry exclaimed, realising that she’d just lost a pawn for nothing. Even worse, her queen was under attack; thus, she immediately retreated to f2.
“Here we go again,” the kid playing one of Flurry’s rooks muttered.
“Don’t doubt my skills!” Flurry exclaimed. “We’re just down a pawn.”
“Just?” the captured pawn asked.
“No worries, I’m attacking his knight,” Flurry replied. “Or not,” she said when Fine Gold retreated his other knight, allowing his fianchettoed bishop to protect the knight on d4. “Actually, I’d better castle.”
“How do I do that?” the white king asked.
Flurry rolled her eyes. It took quite a lot of crystals in her hourglass before her king finally understood castling and Fine Gold already had a new plan in mind. His knight moved to c5, threatening one of Flurry’s bishops. Flurry retreated it all the way to the back.
Fine Gold scratched his nose. “Never play f6,” he muttered. “Actually, let’s play f5. Raawr!” His pawn charged forward towards Flurry’s defences.
“E-pawn takes on f5,” Flurry said.
“G takes on–” Fine Gold paused. “Knight–”
“You wanted to capture with the g-pawn first.” Flurry smirked. “That counts as touching a piece.”
Fine Gold nodded. “I’ve seen countless games between young unicorns that were lost because someone levitated the wrong piece,” he said. “Let it be, then.” He turned to the foals. “Why was it bad to take with a pawn? You, with all the good answers!”
“Because you wanted to open the position?” the black pawn on a7 asked.
“Correct,” Fine Gold replied. “But don’t worry, I’ve been playing g takes on f5 before you were born.” He looked at Flurry. “Even you.”
Flurry looked at the chessboard and realised her queen was standing in front of Fine Gold’s rook, separated only by her own pawn on f4 and his pawn on f5. On the other hoof, Fine Gold’s bishop was standing in front of the king an if she was able to pin it, she could even checkmate him later. “Queen to g3,” she said.
“Now that’s very suspicious.” Fine Gold smirked. “King h8.”
“Rook e1,” Flurry replied.
“E5!”
“Pawn takes on e5.”
“Rook takes on e5.” Flurry looked at the board and realised Fine Gold’s bishop wasn’t exactly pinned to the king anymore. “Oh, sh–”
“Shh, kids are listening,” Fine Gold said. “Actually, if I took your rook, you’d win my bishop and knight and that wouldn’t be frankly, obviously ridiculous.” He looked at the board. “Knight from c to e6… No, not you, the other one.”
“Rook back to e1,” Flurry said, realising that the knights were now protecting each other.
“Retreating like a Prenchman?” Fine Gold asked. “I guess f4 is the best move here.”
Again, Flurry had to move her queen forward to avoid capture. The f-pawn moved even further towards her ranks. Flurry retreated with the king, but took back with it after the rogue pawn took the pawn on g2. Said pawn wasn’t happy – the filly playing it didn’t get to move at all.
Suddenly, Flurry saw her chance. Her light square bishop was aimed at the pawn on h7, right in front of Fine Gold’s king. If she could move the queen in there, she could get a surprise checkmate.
She moved her queen to h4.
“Knight f5, or as I say it, knife f5,” Fine Gold said. The knight standing on f5 blocked the diagonal for the bishop and attacked her queen. Flurry realised she could take it with the bishop, but then it’d get taken by Fine Gold’s rook, stopping her plan.
She moved the queen back to g4. As a response, Fine Gold took her knight on c3 with his dark-square bishop. Flurry took back with the pawn on g2.
“Trading down to the endgame?” she asked.
Fine Gold shook his head. “Rook g8.”
Flurry took a breath to tell her queen to move back, but then she realised she was in trouble. Her king was standing behind her queen, so it was unable to move out of the rook’s way.
“Shit,” Flurry muttered. Several kids laughed.
“Are you gonna cry like a grandmaster?” one of them asked.
“Eh, it’s not over yet,” Flurry replied. “Queen takes on g8, check.”
“Rook takes on g8, check,” Fine Gold said. The hourglasses barely had time to turn.
“King f3.” Flurry looked around the chessboard but there weren’t many options.
Fine Gold turned to the kids. “As you can see, the princess still has both rooks and a bishop pair. All of them are standing in the first rank, doing great job to protect the king. Queen to g3, check.”
“King e2,” Flurry said, realising that resigning was most definitely an option.
“Queen g2, check.”
“King d1.” After making a move, Flurry suddenly realised her king had pretty much nowhere to go.
“Rook d8, check.”
Flurry sighed.“I resign.”
“I see you read my book, Resign like a Grandmaster,” Fine Gold said. “Of course you could give up both of your bishops, but that’s still a checkmate in two.”
“Yeah, I noticed,” Flurry muttered.
“Don’t worry,” Fine Gold said. “You’re still the best chess player in your chair.”
“Unless someone else is touching my chair?” Flurry asked, rolling her eyes.
“Well, if it’s him.” Fine Gold pointed at something behind Flurry. She turned back and saw Sunburst climbing onto her balcony. “Last time I played him, we played for six hours and it was a draw.”
“Not bad.” Flurry turned to Sunburst. “What’s going on?”
“Professor Yearling is ready for the lesson,” Sunburst replied.
Flurry nodded and looked at the chessboard. The foals decided to reenact the checkmate and were now arguing whether a bishop moving forward to tackle the queen was an illegal move. “Why do I have to learn chess?” she asked.
“One day, you may need strategic thinking and patience,” Sunburst said. “In fact, I’d say you need a lot of patience right now.”
Flurry shrugged. “But what about creative writing?”
This time, it was Sunburst’s turn to shrug. “Well, you sure do have a lot of creativity…”
The first rays of the rising sun pierced their way through the old, colourful glass of the royal chamber, casting kaleidoscopic shadows on the lustrous floor tiles. Flurry Heart sat at the old, mahogany desk, littered with all sorts of writing utensils, pieces of dusty parchment, and notebooks filled to the brim with small, neatly-formed letters. In front of her, on a red oaken chair, sat an older mare whose light gold coat, hidden under a lavender dress wore countless marks of a stormy youth. Her mane, once black, was in several shades of darker and lighter grey, but her mulberry orbs were still sharply piercing her fledgling apprentice with a stern gaze.
“Not bad,” Professor A.K. Yearling declared firmly. “However…” She hesitated for but a little moment, which was enough for Flurry to quietly shudder in anticipation of what was to come. “You’re using too many adverbs.”
“Oh,” Flurry retorted. “I always thought I was supposed to do that.”
“Of course.” A.K. Yearling looked around the suite, her gaze focusing on the intricate details of the mosaic on the walls before she turned her orbs back to the text in front of her. “Also, did you happen to swallow a thesaurus?”
“Excuse me?!” Flurry ejaculated.
“Really, I wasn’t sure some of these words existed,” A.K. Yearling pontificated. “Then I realised you’ve either made ‘amperthrouciously’ up or it’s some slang word from Crystal Empire I’m not aware of.”
“I may have gone a little creative with it,” Flurry challenged acidly.
“And sometimes your use of dialogue tags has nothing to do with what is spoken,” Professor Yearling murmured. “Speaking of, did you banish the word ‘said’ from your vocabulary?”
“Well, I don’t want to keep repeating it,” Flurry explained.
A.K. Yearling looked over at Flurry’s attempt at writing and shook her head. “Then use some character’s actions to fill the space. You’d avoid telling instead of showing too.”
Flurry nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Also, there’s really nothing wrong in simplicity,” A.K. Yearling said. “It’s hard to keep the reader interested if they have to look up every second word or get lost in some long and meandering sentence.”
“You’ve just said ‘meandering’,” Flurry replied.
A.K. Yearling smirked. “Well, sometimes you have to break the rules.” She stood up, walked to the window and looked at the snowy plains surrounding the Crystal Empire. “So, where are those ruins of Crystalia your father told me about?”
“Pourquoi dois-je apprendre cela?” Flurry asked, looking at the book in front of her. She’d been learning Prench for three days and she still had no idea how to pronounce half of the words. The other half she pronounced wrong.
Sunburst said something in Prench. Flurry didn’t understand a single word, but she reached into his mind and saw an image of herself having a conversation with some Prench noble. She had to applaud his imagination; the noble looked like a proper Prench pony dressed in a fancy suit. The whole scene took place in some nice jardin among the marble statues.
“Ah, I see,” Flurry replied. “Though I think my mom prefers to represent the Crystal Empire among foreign nobles.”
“Still, one day, Celestia forbid, you may take the mantle.” Sunburst shuddered.
Flurry shrugged. “Why’d I need languages if I can just read their minds?”
“Because reading minds without consent is considered rude among the upper class,” Sunburst said. “Speaking of, as far as I know, among lower class it’s considered a good reason to get stabbed.”
Flurry smiled sheepishly. “It’s not like they know. Although now when I think about it, I have trouble connecting to the mind of someone thinking in another language. Different wiring, I guess.”
Sunburst froze. “You know what? Maybe we’ll switch to classical languages first. Like Old Horse.”
“Why?” Flurry asked. “Nopony speaks it anymore… Except maybe uncle Rockhoof.”
“That’s exactly the reason,” Sunburst replied.
“So, how are the classes?” Rough Diamond asked, looking at the chessboard. Flurry just played d4, so she eventually levitated a pawn and played d5 just to stay safe.
“I still suck at chess.” Flurry moved her bishop to f4.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s common.” Precious Gem grabbed another slice of pizza. She was technically the host of this little party; after a day of classes and guard training outside the town, both Flurry and Rough Diamond decided to hide in her room in the back of the library.
“If it was, I’d have no idea either.” Rough Diamond shrugged and played knight to f6. Flurry played knight to f3 and Rough played her other knight to c6. “I don’t even know what I’m doing.”
“It seems so.” Precious Gem turned to Flurry. “So, how was the writing class? I’ve heard your dad brought A.K. Yearling here.”
“She seems more interested in ancient ruins.” Flurry moved a knight to c3. “But I wrote quite an interesting romance story when she wasn’t looking.”
“I’ve read it,” Rough Diamond muttered, moving her bishop to f5 to completely mirror Flurry’s position. “I don’t think it’s quite accurate.”
“Yeah, it’s not.” Precious Gem looked at the chessboard and shook her head. “Also, Flurry’s writing again? I miss the Long Lost Sombra’s Daughter series. Will you continue it?”
Flurry blushed. “I was thirteen! Also, for once my mother was right. It was a phase.” She moved the knight to b5.
“So yeah.” Rough Diamond shrugged, looking at the chess pieces as if she saw them for the first time in her life. It was partially true – the set, made of white beryl and black agate belonged to Precious Gem. “For starters, I don’t think the ‘princess goes to Royal Guard barracks and gets ravaged’ qualifies as a romance story.” She looked at Precious Gem and moved a pawn to a6. “Am I right?”
“Do you mean the game or Flurry’s writing?” Precious Gem took a bite of her pizza. “The answers are, in order, no and yes.”
“Ah, okay.” Rough Diamond smirked. “Also, it’s not true that new female guards are given, as you put it, a ‘test ride’ by everyone else at the barracks.”
“No?” Flurry sighed and took the pawn on c7 with her knight, checking the king and forking the rook. “Too bad.”
“My ass begs to differ.” Rough Diamond chuckled and took Flurry’s knight with her queen. “I tried to woo one guy once, but I may have pushed him too much. I’d say his soldier didn’t want to salute.” She cursed under her breath when Flurry’s bishop took her queen. “What do I do now?” she asked.
“Resigning is an option,” Precious Gem said.
“Yeah, I guess.” Rough Diamond shrugged. “Why do I even play chess? I should probably go find somepony with a harder spear and get warm before tomorrow’s training. Anytime we leave the town, I almost freeze my ass off.”
“I suggest pants.” Precious Gem set the pieces on the board again and pushed the pawn to e4 with her wing. “As for the guards, you probably shouldn’t look for anyone while Captain Sentry still keeps an eye on you.”
“Indeed.” Flurry levitated her pawn and put it on e5. “I’d make him forget about us, but he lined his helmet with tinfoil.”
“Guess you’ll have to settle on some unconventional solutions, then.” Precious Gem smirked and moved her king to e2.
Flurry raised her eyebrows. “Wait, what the hell?”
Next Chapter: 6. A Hovercraft is a Ship Too Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 28 MinutesAuthor's Notes:
Teaching your daughter chess – best way to make her a cultured supervillain (though right now she plays either impressively-looking but ridiculous openings or oldest tricks in the book. Also, believe it or not, the move Precious Gem plays is called "Bongcloud Opening"