WARNING: The following chapter is not very funny. In fact, this chapter is the equivalent of Mostly Harmless in terms of darkness. Well, what did you expect from a chapter describing the destruction of Equestria? This isn't your run-of-the-mill End-Of-The-Earth we're talking about here. No, we're talking about the destruction of Equestria, the most sweet and innocent place in the Galaxy. This is going to be quite dark, as you would expect. If you don't like that sort of thing, skip the next few hundred words. There's an amusing little bit at the end there to keep you happy.

Between the rural village of Ponyville and the city of Canterlot, there lay a couple of hundred miles of hilly valley. Here, wild animals hopped and skipped and ate and drank and excreted and died to their hearts' content, while the glorious sun shone, spreading its warm yellow light over the valley. At the end of the valley stood a great mountain.

The mountain was huge, a sheer, fat, steep drop, climbing massive distances, overseeing massive areas of countryside. Great clouds surrounded the mountain's peak, and ice formed and dribbled down from the top as a meandering river, which flowed for miles. It was, by any practical definition of the term, breathtakingly beautiful.

Slap bang on the side of the mountain, of course, was a great city, its very foundations carved out of the very rock of the great mountain, with great towers stretching towards the sun in a similar fashion to a sunflower. Golden roofs glittered in the sunlight, especially that of the observatory, and the marble that had been built on top of the dull rock of the mountain shone, like a beacon. The city's water supply, waterfalls that came off the river, could be seen, falling hundreds of feet to a misty explosion of vapour. This was the city of Canterlot.

The wide expanse between the two settlements seemed mostly quiet, save for a few birds that occasionally flew past, but suddenly, something golden, moving incredibly fast, shot through the clouds that overhung the valley, like a bullet. It was followed by another. They were travelling at over two-hundred miles an hour, roaring through the air as if they were thunder made flesh.

This was the personal escort service of the Royal Palace in Canterlot, the hub of Equestria's central government, forged thousands of years ago. The reason for the speed was that one of the passengers on board one of the chariots of the escort service addressed a matter of urgency. The service took matters of urgency seriously, even if that meant having to crush the bones of every one of their passengers into fine powder to get them to the Palace at once.

Wa-zhoom!
The chariots suddenly stopped, and hung in air, in exactly the same way that a bullet doesn't. They then lightly touched down in a quiet square. The six passengers disembarked the chariots.
"Thank you kindly, sirs," said one of them to the escort guards.
"No problem, ma'am," replied one of them, in a thick Cockney accent, complete with the mispronunciation of "ma'am" as "marm".

"Oh no, call me Twilight," replied the passenger. "Twilight Sparkle."
"Names ain't in the job description." replied the other, in an offensively stereotypical New York accent. "But you're welcome." With that, the two guards looked over at the other two, nodded to them, and flew away.
"Well, I say, that was rather rude," Rarity remarked, with an air of disgust in her voice.

Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, was doing a headcount. Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, Spike, herself, and – where was Rainbow Dash?
"Look out below!"
Ah. There.

Rainbow Dash hit the ground with a loud thump, leaving a small dent in the road.
"Sorry I'm late, guys."
"How in Equestria could you have possibly have been late?"Twilight asked. "You're faster than the escort service! If anything, we should have been the ones who were late!"
"Well, you know, that's the clearest sky in Equestria. You can't blame me for wanting to do a few little tricks."

"Dash!" Pinkie Pie said, indignantly, and uncharacteristically. "Now is not the time for playing! We have to see the Princess immediately!"
"Well, the palace is right over there," Twilight said. She knew the geography here well. After all, she had spent over a decade living here.
"Well, c'mon, let's go, let's go! There'll be plenty of time for playing afterwards!"

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the magic of Equestria: It is one of the oldest and most mysterious forms of practically-applied physics-altering energy in the Galaxy. Thought to have come about billions of years ago, historians and scientists alike still baffle at the nature of the so-called "magic of friendship" and where it came from.

The "magic" is said to exist as a kind of field all over Equestria, which can be utilised by unicorns, pegasi, and alicorns on a physical level, and earth-ponies at a level comparable to background radiation particular to planets such as the late planet Earth. Apparently, it is strengthened by social connections such as friendship and platonic love. As yet, there is no word on the effect erotic love has, and nobody particularly wants to find out.

The "magic" is used in various different ways by the different races. Pegasi use the "magic" to aid their small wings in helping them to fly and walk on clouds. Unicorns use the "magic" to perform various activities that cannot be performed with fingerless hooves. Expert unicorns, such as Twilight Sparkle, are able to perform reality-bending tricks such as teleportation. Earth ponies use the "magic" for increased strength, mental agility, charisma, et cetera.

Alicorns, however, are perhaps the most important users of Equestrian "magic". While only two are generally known to exist, their magic leaves them capable of transporting enormous masses with as little energy wasted as possible, the practical upshot of which is that entire stars can be manipulated to their bidding, depending on the amount of power they possess. The most powerful alicorns, such as Princess Celestia, can even construct entire cities.

Little is known about the nature of Equestrian "magic", even by the inhabitants, who accept it as a kind of energy field or force blanketing the planet, like a magnetosphere. The "magic" does have similar qualities to energy in that it can only change, never be destroyed. However, like a force, it can also be overpowered by stronger forces. This brings a worrying question to the minds of many Equestrian scientists, a question that has not been voiced, and never will be. It will never be answered, due to a terribly stupid catastrophe, caused, in part, by the question.

"What do you mean, you can't let us in?!" Pinkie Pie shouted at the guard in front of the palace entrance. "This is serious business!"
"It's Princess Celestia's lunch hour," replied the guard, stoically. "She doesn't like to be disturbed during her lunch hour."
"Don't you understand?! This isn't about us, it's about Equestria!"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure your wacky political beliefs like 'democracy' are all fine and good. I'll be sure to tell her after her lunch break. Run along now."

Pinkie Pie growled, with a noise that sounded worryingly accurately like a lion.
"I'm going to give you six seconds to get out of the way. If you don't, I'll just have to force you out of the way."
"With what?"
Pinkie Pie suddenly realised she had no answer to that question. She grabbed Spike, holding him under her front leg, like a gun.

The guard appeared to stoically stifle a chuckle. "Yeah, right."
"Six..."
"I'd like to see you try and get through me."
"Five..."
"Come on, then."
"Four..."
The guard stood firmly on the spot.
"Three, two, one!" There was a pause.

The guard looked intently at Spike, who blew no fire at him, and looked just as disdainful as he did.
"Uh," was the only noise that managed to escape the guard's mouth before he was suddenly blindsided by a wet towel to the face.

"I knew you'd come in handy some day," Pinkie Pie giggled, rolling the towel back up and putting it back in her saddlebag.
"Um, did you just assault a member of the Equestrian Royal Guard?" Twilight asked. The other four ponies, and Spike, looked on in shock.
"Sure did!" Pinkie Pie said, cheerfully, before proceeding to casually pull a lever and open the gate.

"Um, Pinkie, I hate to interrupt, but..." Spike stammered. "Um, isn't that illegal? Won't you get in trouble?"
"Look, we only have to worry about the laws in this place for another fifteen minutes," Pinkie Pie replied. "So, are we gonna visit this princess or aren't we?"
The others looked at each other, then back to Pinkie. "Good. Then let's go."

Princess Celestia sat alone at the table. Sometimes, her sister ate lunch with her in here, but she had been tired recently, and so she was currently sleeping in her own bedroom, waiting for the night, when she would get up again, to raise the moon. The silence in the room was quite unbearable. It was all too quiet nowadays.

She didn't actually need to eat, being a goddess, but she felt that if the cooks were polite enough to actually make her a plate of alfalfa, or a salad, or whatever, it was only right she ate it. She didn't often eat for luxury; after millennia of eating dish after dish after dish, she was quite sure she'd eaten every discernibly tasty thing in Equestria that she possibly could.

She sighed. Her constantly-flowing, multi-coloured mane floated strangely across the table, ever-waving. The silence was not broken. Not even by the drop of pin. There was silence, all except for the memories chattering away in Celestia's ancient mind, going over the centuries as if they were all nothing.

This was the curse of immortality – eternal boredom. Not until the end of recorded time itself would she be allowed to sleep. An old acquaintance of hers, whose name escaped her at that minute, by the name of Zakwon, or something of the like, had told her that immortality was best if you tried hiding away, like him. Perhaps she should have listened to him.

With that, the door suddenly slammed open.
"Princess?!" shouted a loud, high-pitched voice. Celestia turned. The Elements of Harmony, and Spike, stood there at the end of the room. Pinkie Pie stood at the front, a saddlebag draped over her back.
"Ah, my little ponies. How may I assist you? I trust the guards didn't give you much trouble?"
Twilight and Applejack shot nervous glances.

"No, your Majesty!" Pinkie Pie lied. "Now, I need to see you for something really really important, but first I'm gonna need you to get up, you don't mind skipping lunch, do you? I'll give you cake, not that you'll need it much longer – " she pulled an alarm clock out of her saddlebag. " – darn it!"

"What's the matter, Pinkamena?" Celestia interrupted.
"I'm looking for something...that should be on the wall...oh, this way!" Pinkie Pie cried, excitedly, running off round a corner, shooting down a corridor.
"Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash asked, flying after her.
"Please, Dash, no flying in the palace!" Twilight scolded.
"It's quite all right, dear," corrected Celestia. "This seems important."

Dash was off like a shot, round the corners. "Pinkie!" she called. "Pinkie, where are you?"
The silent marble columns were illuminated only by the warm glow of the sun. "Pinkie!"
Rainbow Dash shot past an archway, and then suddenly drew back. Pinkie Pie was inside the room.
Quietly, she followed.

The room was very large, with a fireplace, and various ornaments placed on the mantelpiece, largely consisting of porcelain ponies.
"Pinkie?" she asked.
Pinkie Pie had sat herself down on a rug in the middle of the room. She was staring up intently at something on the wall, just above the mantelpiece.

"What are you looking – " Rainbow Dash looked up. And there it was, to her horror, the terrible, awful, screaming eternity of –
"A clock?!" she shouted. "You brought us all the way here for a clock?!"
Pinkie said nothing. She stared up at it. She glanced down at her alarm clock, then back up. It read five minutes to twelve.

The others arrived, Celestia leading.
"I don't like the feel I'm getting from this room," Spike mumbled, hiding behind Twilight.
"Pinkie, explain yourself," Celestia said, quietly. "What are you doing in my old bedroom?"
Pinkie looked over at Celestia, then back at the clock.
"That old thing?" Celestia asked. "Why, that clock hasn't ticked for...years, years and years. Not since before Discord's time..."

"Discord's time?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Princess, clocks have only been around for the last five hundred years. You imprisoned Discord over a thousand years ago. How have you had a clock for that long?"
Celestia was speechless. "Well, I...I...I don't know. I just have. I've had it for years."
"Exactly. It's been frozen, you say?" Pinkie Pie sounded serious.
"Yes, frozen at exactly one minute to twelve, eleven fifty-nine, for hundreds of years."

"Now that's a funny thing..." Pinkie Pie mumbled, clambering up on to the mantelpiece, listening to the clock, knocking off a few porcelain figures in the process.
"Pinkie!" cried Twilight. "Those were antiques!"
Celestia said nothing. "What do you mean, Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie Pie looked at her alarm clock. Ten seconds to eleven-fifty-nine.
"Wait for it," Pinkie Pie mumbled, as her alarm clock ticked off the last few seconds of the penultimate minute of the hour.

The alarm clock finally ticked over on to eleven-fifty-nine. And as it did so, a low groan sounded from within the old clock. It groaned as ancient gears squealed in to life. And then, there was a quiet noise, barely a whisper. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
The ancient second hand, cobwebbed, but alive, began to count off the sixty seconds to twelve.

The room fell silent.
"That's it?" Rainbow Dash said. "That's really all we came down here for?"
"No," Pinkie said. "No, this is bad." The others had never heard the fun-loving pony sound more serious in their entire lives.

The clock ticked on to thirty seconds.
"What're you talking about?" Applejack asked. "Why have we come all the way down here for an old clock?"
"Well..." she said. "I think that clock has been waiting..."

"Waiting?" Fluttershy asked. "For what?"
Pinkie Pie's face looked grim.
"Doomsday," she replied, simply. The room fell silent.

She looked down at her alarm clock. Ten seconds.
"Doomsday, my dear?" Celestia asked. "But the End of the World isn't supposed to come for years...there are prophecies...everything! Are you sure?"
Five seconds.
"Pinkie?" Twilight asked.

"Run, now," Pinkie Pie said, abruptly, dashing from the room. Her alarm clock shrilly rang out.
In response, the old clock returned the favour. Ancient bells droned a familiar tune. Bing-bong bing-bong, bing-bong, bing-bong...
Outside, the Palace's clocktower joined in, as if in chorus with the others.

The bells sounded out the number of the hour.
Bong...
Pinkie Pie galloped back through the corridors, followed by the others.
Bong...
Her hoofbeats and the bells were all that broke the silence.
Bong...
She was sweating, all over. She had to get out. She had to get outside.
Bong...
Nearly there, Pinkie, nearly there.
Bong...
She ran through the large dining room in which she had interrupted Celestia.
Bong...
As she ran, she reached into her saddlebag.
Bong...
"Come on, where are you..." she muttered, looking frantically for her way out.
Bong...
She was approaching the palace entrance now.
Bong...
"There you are!" she said, happily.
Bong...
She ran through the doors, out into the court yard. She looked up, gripping the object between her teeth.
Bong...
The others followed quickly. "Pinkie?" Spike asked, fear in his voice, as the others looked over at the clocktower.
Bong...

And then there was nothing.

Somewhere in the palace gardens, something stirred. Quietly, at first. With a dull roar, it suddenly exploded into life. It had a donkey's head, two mismatched horns, mismatched legs, and a mismatched body. It was nonsensical. It was ridiculous. It was a draconequus. Stretching its arms, and with a deafening roar, it opened its mouth and...yawned.
"Oh, goodie, who freed me from the statue this time?" the creature that had moments ago been sealed in stone asked rhetorically, with a devilishly gleeful voice.

It looked up, with its mis-shapen eyes and pupils, glaring up at the sky. There was a great black schism crossing it, like a massive crack, like an opening in all of time and space.
"No, it can't be," it uttered. "Not yet, surely?" It produced a watch from nowhere, which ran backwards. "The most chaotic event of all time...but why now?"

It chuckled lowly. "So, I suppose this is time up, then?" it asked the great black crack in the sky. "That's it? It's over? Like that? I expected more, Equestria!" The arc did not respond. "Alas, it is not I that will be destroying you. Why would I want to destroy you? I love living here! I would save you, if I could. But alas, it seems that is not to be."

It folded its arms. "But the chaos of destruction is a simply wonderful thing. Unpleasant, but wonderful. So what'll it be? Nuclear warfare? Disease? Or something a little...worse?" The schism did not reply.
"And to think, I, Discord, the ultimate in chaos, outwitted by...chaos itself! That's brilliant!" He applauded. "The End of Days, Armageddon, Doomsday...whatever you want to call it...it's happening. But the old prophecies said that it wasn't to end for years, not until..."

Suddenly, a thought crossed the old draconequus' mind. "Oh, that's clever. That is clever. And I only figured it out now. It's a shame, really. Celestia, Luna...those six, all the others...they will never know how, or why. And you only chose to tell me now. For all there is in this world is chaos. Well I must say, I'm honoured. It's been a pleasure working with you, chaos. A real pleasure."
With that, he simply vanished. A dead silence fell over the world, for just a few moments.

Then, with a not a whimper, but a bang, the world ended. The ground cracked in Ponyville and fire brimmed from the ground. Buildings shot into flame, and the schism finally shattered. It was as if the sky itself was falling. Trees, houses, crops, all exploded violently into splinters and kindling. A firestorm began to rage.

The sky tore itself asunder, like a great blue sheet, revealing nothing, showing only blackness. Ashes and smoke blew through the air, blotting out the Sun, everything, leaving nothing in their wake but the smell of burning. Sirens sounded, but it was no use. The rumbling was too much, they could hear nothing.

The great mountain, atop which Canterlot and the Royal Palace had once sat, began to crumble. Great cracks opened, and pieces of it began falling to the ground in huge landslides. The cracks finally reached Canterlot. The towers shattered like glass almost instantly. The golden domes, which had one been objects of beauty, were now becoming little more than crumbling dust.

The palace, which had stuck fast for so long, found its resistance wavering. Bricks fell out of place, but it stood fast. The stained glass in the Great Hall vibrated and shattered. Then, with a final, deafening scream of defiance, the clock tower was the first to fall, right through the palace. It took mere moments for the front of the building to fall back on to itself.

Deep in a vault in the Great Hall, the magic jewellery representing the Elements of Harmony, kindness, honesty, loyalty, laughter, generosity, and magic, tried desperately to stop it, but without their bearers, proved useless. They fell silent, as the Palace was finally ripped apart by the collapsing mountain, crushed into dust by the rubble.

The great cracks that had appeared in the ground finally gave way. There was a yell of fire from each one, and the whole planet fell to pieces, sparing nothing in its wake. The atmosphere disintegrated. Space fell quiet as the pieces broke up into black soot. For the first time, the Sun hung motionless, and the Moon slowly drifted into the cloud of dead dust.

Equestria was dead.

Pinkie Pie rubbed her head. She grunted in pain. "Ow," she muttered. Then a smile crossed her face. "Ow!" she said. "I can feel pain! I'm not dead! Woo!" She quietened down. "Wait, where am I? Where are the others. Right, I need to get my bearings!" She looked at her saddlebag. "Okay, that's fine." She jumped up and down. "Yep, The Guide is safe and sound. Good."

She looked around. She was in some kind of corridor. Strange objects lined the walls, like lights, but hexagonal.
"Guys?" she called out. "You there?"
There was no reply. "Guys?"
She rounded a corner. Nothing.
She rounded the other. Nothing.

"Guys? Hello?"
She heard whimpering from around the first corner. She ran around it.
"Fluttershy? That you?"
Pinkie Pie looked. Fluttershy sat, propped fearfully up against a wall. "Fluttershy! Hey, girl! How's it going?"

Fluttershy did not reply.
"I'll take that as bad."
"Wh-where are the oth-others?"
"Oh, they could be anywhere," Pinkie Pie remarked, nonchalantly. "Sub-Etha is only meant to be used for one, really, it's bad enough with two. But seven, or maybe even eight? Who knows? I just hope they have peanuts or some kind of tofu at the other end."

Fluttershy was not comforted by this.
"Speaking of which..." Pinkie Pie handed Fluttershy a packet of peanuts. "Here, eat these."
"What happened to Equestria?"
"Oh, that?" Pinkie Pie said. "Yeah, blown up. Gone. Poof."
"Blown up?" Fluttershy asked. "Like, it exploded?"

"Yes. The whole planet. Gone."
"Okay," Fluttershy said, quietly. "Um, Pinkie Pie, that makes me feel really rather sad."
"Well, you're taking it better than most people – " Pinkie Pie said, before noticing Fluttershy had broken down hysterically into tears. "Ah, right, okay. Um. What was that old song? Always look on the bright side of life, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, no?"

"Angel and Hummingway and Elizabeth and every single one of my animals has been blown to smithereens, how can I look on the bright side? And all my friends are gone!"
"Well, I am the mare who wrote, composed, and sang Giggle at the Ghostie, so, you know."
"But everyone's – "
"Don't say it, this is a fanfiction of a TV-Y rated show."

"You mean I can't say 'dead'?"
"Oh, you said it! You're not supposed to use the D-word!"
There was an uncomfortable silence.
"Besides, not everyone's dead. I'm sure we'll find the others soon enough. Of course, they could be on the other side of the Universe, but we'll get there in the end, I'm sure."

Fluttershy was not comforted by this.
Suddenly, there was a low buzzing sound from around the corner.
"Wait, what was that?"
Pinkie Pie put her back against the wall. The buzzing sounded again.

It was getting closer.
"I certainly hope this isn't a Vogon ship," Pinkie Pie mumbled. "Vogons are mean, nasty creatures. They didn't destroy Equestria, thankfully, but you don't want to be with one on a bad day. Or a good day. Or even a particularly boring day."

The buzzing came round the corner. It got louder and louder. Pinkie looked over. A silhouette held it between its teeth, a bluish glow emanating from its jaws. It drew closer and closer, until finally, Pinkie Pie could make out its features. And then a massive grin crossed her face. Out of the shadows stepped a cross-eyed mare, gripping an electronic device between her teeth.

"Hello!" she said. "Welcome to the TARDIS!"

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