Bountiful Harvest trotted into the office. On their back was a cardboard box with "clocktail samples" scribbled haphazardly onto the side in sharpie.

“Where did you get that?” Treble Clef asked.

“One of my friends from college works as a bartender here and was wondering if I’d like to pick up a bit of their excess stock,” they responded with a shrug.

Windy Cyclone peered over from her workstation. “Get anything good?”

“Don’t know, haven’t opened it yet,” Bountiful said.

They shrugged off the box, placing it upon a nearby workstation before flipping it open. Inside were various bottles and cans.

“Wait,” they muttered, pulling out what appeared to be a can of Lemon-Lime Tartarus Energy Drink. “Why’s that in there?”

Windy smirked and snatched the can away, holding it afloat for her team. She then began to recite something from memory, “Dash is a potent energy tonic with a clear complexion and fizzy texture.”

“This stuff is in Dash?” Lilac asked.

“This stuff is Dash.”

“Dash is just an energy drink?”

“That’s how markups work, kid.” Windy cracked open the can and took a sip. “Have you ever been to a buckball game?”

“Uh… one or two?”

“You know how the Equestrian Bank Stadium sells Buck Dogs?”

“Yeah?”

“Same principle.” Windy walked back over to the box, placing her can beside it. “We buy a product, slap a fancy name on it, and then bam, we get away with at least a 200% mark up.”

Treble got up and walked over, peering inside the box. “So, we just buy like regular consumer products and pass them off as our own?”

“And we make a ton of bits doing it.” Windy snorted. “Tell me, do you see any bags of tea in there.”

Treble fished around, finding a box that did in fact contain teabags.

Windy grinned. “You have a good friend, Bountiful.”

“T-thanks?”

Windy grabbed the box, showing off just like she had for the energy drink. It was a pretty groovy design except for the very official looking banner at the bottom, letting them know each bag contained 10mg of THC.

“What the fuck uses weed?” Cryptic Message asked, holding out his hoof so he could look at the box.

“Stampede uses sativa as an aphrodisiac, fireglow uses indica for relaxation, and I think a few other clocktails use it as well. Personally, just making a chai tea latte is fine for me, but I think they like to pretend they aren’t getting patrons lit as fuck, so they mix it with fruit juices and sodas and mare juice and what not.”

Treble winced. “Isn’t having sex while high, kind of a huge no?”

“Dude, have you ever tried having sex while high?” Lilac Garden asked. “It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.”

Windy ignored her. “Officially yes, Treble, we shouldn’t be supplying ponies with this stuff. But its very much an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. If we don’t supply it, ponies just pre-game. It’s not like we can accurately detect if the weed in their system is recent or not.”

“Plus,” Cryptic added, “haven’t you noticed that every clocktail is either a depressant, aphrodisiacs, or stimulants? Kind of impossible to get those effects without there being some mind altering substance involved.”

“Also, don’t clocktail sales makes up a huge part of our operating budget?” Bountiful added. “It’s pretty easy to play dumb when money’s involved.”

“That too,” Windy agreed, gesturing towards them. “And that’s also why we have our jobs. We get paid to make sure that the ponies using the bar don’t get too crazy.”

Treble continued to empty the contents of the box, finding that pretty much everything was a name brand, ranging from sodas to common liquors to fruit juices.

“Looks like we’re going to have one hell of a party,” Lilac muttered, looking at a cheap bottle of port. The label had been covered by a piece of tape with Serene scribbled over top.

Bountiful nodded. “So, every clocktail is just…”

“A regular ass cocktail with a funny name and huge markup?” Windy snorted. “Pretty much. Though honestly, we have one advantage over the common patrons.”

“What’s that?” Treble asked.

“Almost every single clocktail contains a nice generous dose of marecum, which anyone whose taken sex ed knows, includes a very generous ration of urine.” Windy smirked and motioned towards the box. “So, with that being said, who's game for enjoying some pee-free clocktails?”

Author's Notes:

It always kind of bugged me that only like one other person realized that mare-gasms contain urine.

"Estrous mares will also void small quantities of urine very frequently," - Sexual behavior of mares (Crowell-Davis, 2007)

"A small vulvar orifice resulting from a Caslick's operation may contribute to urine pooling as urine splashes off the vulvar orifice and down into the anterior vaginal vault." - Urine Pooling in Mares ( Engle & Clark, 1980)

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