Dear Princess Celypso,

Today I learned that thinking before acting is usually a good idea.

Trickshot and I were having a picnic near the Everfree because everyone in this town seems to forget about the monsters that keep spawning there. We heard a scream like a banshee come from (surprise!) the forest. Any normal person would run away from the obvious danger, but I’m dumb and purple and I wanted to impress my future lesbian horsewife, so I charged in blind.

It turned out to be a cockatrice mating ritual; they apparently engage in shouting matches before doing the dirty. They both saw me peeping on their foreplay, so I got rock hard immediately. Thankfully, Trix Angel was able to drag me away to the black magic woman without getting stoned herself. Some voodoo happened, and I awoke with a renewed sense of self-preservation.

Your accidental voyeur,
The Grapist