Cross the Rubicon: Choices
Chapter 81: Chapter Sixty Two: Fall to Pieces
Previous Chapter Next ChapterIt had been an exceptionally long day for Sunset, and she was more than ready to escape from school by the time the final bell rang. All day she had been on edge, making her temper flare at the worst moments. She’d been jumpy in the locker room before gym, short tempered at lunch to the point of snapping at her friends, and had been unable to focus on translating any of the books Twilight had loaned her.
Even now, after having stopped at home to dump her school stuff and grab her stuff for staying over at Twilight’s, she was agitated, a knot of anger and frustration seething in the pit of her stomach as she sat, stuck in Friday afternoon traffic courtesy of road construction. If it weren’t for the cop directing traffic at the intersection, she would have squeezed her way between the curb and the line of cars, but habit made her suffer through it instead, grinding her teeth, rather than risk being stopped. It didn’t help that it was bitterly cold and starting to sleet, tiny pellets of ice pinging off her helmet and sticking to the folds of her jacket. Coupled with an icy wind, she was soon half soaked and shivering miserably. It made spending nearly half an hour driving three blocks an experience that dredged up memories of her first winter in the human world that she would have rather avoided.
Forty five minutes and a quick stop at the bakery later, the redheaded teen finally pulled into the driveway amidst weather that had turned to freezing rain. Sunset was grateful for her boots as they crushed the thin layer of ice that had formed on the ground, preventing her from falling on her rear, making her way up the front walkway to ring the doorbell.
She could hear Spike barking inside the house, the sound accompanied by the faint skittering of his nails on hardwood and the heavier steps of a human headed towards the door. A gust of wind sent more freezing rain against her back right as the door opened and she almost bowled Twilight over to get inside the warm house and away from the sensation of icy needles piercing into her calves.
“It’s cooold,” she told the other girl, peeling off her gloves and blowing on her fingers to thaw them out. Then she actually caught a glimpse of Twilight and the chill in her body was all but forgotten. “Sparky? What’s wrong?”
Twilight looked upset, her whole body radiating tension and stress, purple eyes lacking their normal bright gleam. She was wringing her hands after she shut the door, her wrists bearing reddened marks where she’d started to rub the skin raw from it. Instead of answering, she bit her lip, her breath hitching.
Sunset put her bag down carefully on the table in the front hall, before reaching out to pull the shorter teen into a tight hug. “Sparky, talk to me. What happened?”
Despite the fact that Sunset’s clothes were soaked and crusted with icy droplets, Twilight all but collapsed into the embrace with a whimper, fingers digging into the redhead’s shoulders through the leather of the jacket. "C-can you just... hold me for a while, Sunny?" came the plea as she buried her face into Sunset’s chest, giving the former unicorn the sense that her girlfriend was barely hanging onto her composure with tooth and nail. Each word carefully spaced, like she would break down if she spoke too fast, and her sentences were interspersed with short quick inhales as if she couldn’t quite draw a full breath. "T-talk later, just... hold me. Please." Her voice cracked at the end, the heartbeat that Sunset could feel racing even faster than before.
The way Twilight sounded, the way she felt, it made Sunset’s innards twist back on themselves, her magic tingling faintly in her veins in response. She reacted without thinking, scooping her companion up into her arms. “Hey...hey...I’ve got you, Sparky,” she soothed, kissing her forehead. “I’ve got you and I’m not letting go.” It was awkward, but she managed to kick off her boots and nudge them against the wall, before heading up the stairs carefully, seeking the sanctuary of Twilight’s bedroom. Spike whined and chased after her, trying to nudge and herd her when he decided that she wasn’t moving fast enough with his owner, aware in that way dogs were known for that something was wrong.
The door was kicked shut once they were in the room, Sunset’s own agitation making her less than gentle. The loud banging sound made Twilight burrow closer, her grip making the leather of Sunset’s coat creak in the way only stressed leather can. “Hey...it was just me closing your door,” Sunset murmured into dark hair. “Ease up on your grip so I can lay us down?”
It took some creative contortion of her limbs around her girlfriend to get them situated on the bed, the redhead finally just settling for leaning back on the pillows with Twilight still tucked against her chest, Sunset’s jacket tossed on the other side of the bed. Spike barely waited for them to settle before he jumped up after them and made a spot amidst the tangle of their legs for himself, pressing his head to Twilight’s knee with a puppyish whine.
“I know, Spike,” Sunset addressed him almost the same way she would have his Equestrian counterpart. Her fingers started combing through Twilight’s hair, pulling it down from the frazzled, severe bun it had spent the school day in and letting her nails scratch lightly against her companion’s scalp. “We’re right here, Sparky, and we’re not going anywhere.”
Twilight rocked in her arms, the sounds escaping her hitting Sunset hard and dragging memory to the surface against her will. They were sounds that reminded her of a frustrated, hurting filly who had hidden herself away more than once in her rooms in the palace when life became just a little too much for her to handle. It made her cuddle Twilight closer, nuzzling into dark hair before she started to hum the soft lullaby that had always chased her own demons away and reminded her of endless sunny days with the only mother she remembered. She could feel the way lavender fingers repetitively clenched and released her shirt, could feel nails digging into her skin through the fabric each time the grip tightened.
The hand not tangled in Twilight’s hair curled around her, rubbing up and down her back in slow circles, soft and intimate touch that left a warm tingling in her palm from the way the friction affected the nerves. Her magic thrummed in response, not the burning rush of an impending surge, but akin to the way a hot drink warmed the body just by holding the mug. Instinct, a growing familiarity, and something deeper, something that defied words because it came from a place inside that couldn’t be constrained by language coaxed her into letting the energy fill her. The former unicorn kept part of her awareness trained on the magic that seemed to pulse in time with her heartbeat, ready to exert her will over it if it tried to surge.
For now, though, the power seemed content to just be there, just beneath her skin, warming her chilled body better than any blanket. Fleetingly, she wondered if it was warming Twilight too, with the way the other teen was pressing even further into her embrace. Sunset kept humming, kept running fingers through dark hair and rubbing Twilight’s back, willing the affection and touch to break through the panic and anxiety surrounding her girlfriend. It seemed to be making a difference, though at a painstakingly slow pace, with Twilight gradually uncurling from her near fetal position until she was more sprawled against Sunset’s front than huddled like a child in her lap.
The creak of the bedroom door made Sunset’s head snap up, only to meet the eyes of Twilight Velvet as the woman slipped in on silent feet, carrying a tray with two steaming mugs that the redhead’s nose told her was hot cocoa. The woman set the tray on the nightstand, before leaning over to stroke her daughter’s dark hair and drop a motherly kiss on the top of Sunset’s head. “Thank you, sweetheart,” she murmured to Sunset. “Take as much time as she needs...I can always bring dinner up for you.”
The former unicorn offered Velvet a smile, pressing her cheek to Twilight’s hair as she continued to hum softly. Her grip on her companion tightened once her girlfriend’s mother left the room as quietly as she’d come—she had no plans on letting go any time soon, certainly not until she had chased away the darkness that had lingered in Twilight’s eyes.
How long they laid there, Sunset wasn’t sure. She was too focused on the girl in her arms to pay much attention. It was long enough that the room had grown dark and she’d managed to hum her way through most of the Rainbooms repertoire, a half dozen songs from Equestria, and the various songs she could remember Princess Celestia humming or singing to her as a foal. At some point, Twilight had finally relaxed against her, slipping into an exhausted doze, her face tucked up against Sunset’s collarbone and neck.
Sunset grimaced as her stomach grumbled at her—her irritation during the day meant she had bailed from lunch early and left most of her meal uneaten. The sound caused Twilight to stir in her embrace, eyes blinking open blearily. “...Sunny...?”
She tried to speak but it ended in a raspy cough, prompting her to reach over and snag one of the mugs of lukewarm cocoa and take a long swallow, soothing her throat. Sunset managed a smile after that, offering her girlfriend a rough sounding, “Hey, Sparky. How are you feeling?”
Whatever murmured reply Twilight gave was lost amid a much larger growl from Sunset’s middle, which in turn prompted sleepy giggles from the dark haired teen. Sunset wrinkled her nose. “Sorry. Skipped lunch today.”
Purple eyes blinked, looking around at the darkened room. “...and dinner too? How late is it? It got dark...” A shiver went through Twilight and she reached across Sunset to turn the nightstand lamp on before squirming closer to the taller girl’s body.
Brows furrowed, and Sunset kissed her. “Hey...it’s okay—we can eat once I know you’re alright. What happened earlier? This isn’t like you, Sparky.” She brushed a few strands of hair back behind one ear, brushing their lips together again in a feather-light touch.
She could feel Twilight take a deep, slow breath, her eyes shutting briefly, something she did when she was trying to collect her thoughts. The former unicorn waited patiently, giving her the time she needed, hugging her gently. After a few heartbeats, Twilight exhaled that breath in a controlled manner and finally answered. “I...am uncertain.” Her voice had slipped into that faintly detached, clinical tone that she used when discussing uncomfortable personal topics. “It was an atypical reaction to a situation which I have faced on several occasions before, and have come through with only minor to moderate stress. While it is true that Principal Cinch has not given me a definitive answer in regards to my proposed project, she seemed interested in it and promised an answer on Monday. I expected some anxiety from that, but under normal circumstances I can manage it well enough to calm myself before it escalates to the point of a panic attack—usually through logical reasoning and deduction to quiet the more unlikely scenarios my brain chooses to conjure.”
Twilight frowned, her fingers absently smoothing out the fabric of Sunset’s damp sweatshirt, lips sealed into a tight line for a minute or two while she considered her next words. “This time, however, all attempts to ease my distress served instead to heighten it, despite how ludicrous some of the fears were.” Her gaze focused on what her hands were doing before meeting Sunset’s eyes again. “Even my mother’s efforts seemed to only trigger a stronger response, which is extremely unusual. Coupled with the mild hyperventilation that comes with an impending panic attack, the entire experience affected my spatial awareness and perceptions, making me feel as though the walls were closing in around me and that things where moving in ways and places I rationally know is completely impossible.”
Sunset nodded, and brought her hand up to rest over the hand that fiddled with her shirt, squeezing it lightly. “Do you feel better now? You sound better.”
There was silence as Twilight’s thoughts turned inward, but eventually she gave a nod. “...I do. For some reason, no matter how bad it gets, no matter what triggers it, you always make it better.” She leaned up to kiss Sunset’s cheek. “Even today, when nothing else helped, you were exactly what I needed.”
The redhead’s lips twitched upwards into a crooked grin at that, warmth of a different kind filling her now. With a sound in the back of her throat, she tugged Twilight up closer, capturing the shorter girl’s mouth as want made her veins start to burn. Now Twilight was clinging to her for a different reason, greedily seeking to deepen the kiss and letting out a disappointed whine when Sunset broke it so they could breathe. “I’m glad I was able to help,” she whispered, resting her forehead against Twilight’s. The heat was echoed by her magic as purple eyes met hers, the shade of them darkened by desire and a need that went far deeper than the physical. Words fell from her lips onto her companion’s as their breath mingled. “I’ll always be here for you, Twilight,” she promised, the seriousness of the moment making her forgo the nickname that danced on her tongue. “Always.”
The other girl quivered, something that Sunset couldn’t quite place in her eyes, but in that moment, the vibrant sparkle that she so often saw in them returned, driving her to seal her promise with another searing kiss, a hand tangling in loose dark hair to keep them together until a desperate need for air separated them. Even then, she came back in again, little nibbles and soft kisses, each one a vow in its own way.
When they finally settled back into just cuddling together, Sunset’s thoughts ghosted back over her day and she let out a soft, breathy chuckle. “I needed you too—I’ve been on edge and bitchy all day long, with no real reason why....but now? Now that I’m here and with you, all of that is gone. I feel good.”
Before Twilight could respond, there was a soft knock at the door. “Ladybug? Sunset? Can I come in?” Cadence called through the door.
Twilight fixed her glasses, shifting to rest back against Sunset’s shoulder instead of nose to nose. “It’s open, Cady,” she answered, pushing hair out of her face.
Cadence slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. “Velvet said you were having a bad day. I picked up ice cream on my way over, and there’s chowder downstairs if either of you is hungry.” She sat down in Twilight’s desk chair. “How are you feeling?”
A pair of growling stomachs spoke for both teens, causing all three of them to break out into laughter. The bright smile on Twilight’s face made any remaining worry in Sunset dissolve, and she answered Cadence between giggles. “We were just going to go down and fond something to eat.”
The young woman chuckled and reached out to pat her shoulder. “Probably a good idea—before your stomach gets any louder! Didn’t you eat over the rest of the holidays?”
“I did,” Sunset responded, “but it might as well have been cardboard and paste compared to what I get to eat here.” She stretched, feeling her back realign with a few loud pops. “What kind of chowder is it?”
Cadence smirked. “It’s the one she makes with salmon and all those vegetables that you like so much. I think she intends to send some home with you tomorrow if the weather clears.”
Sunset was on her feet and tugging her girlfriend off the bed a moment later. “In that case, part of me is actually hoping the roads are so bad I have to stay tomorrow and eat more of it.” She grinned impishly at Twilight. “You think if I offered to do chores your mom’ll give me the recipe?”
Twilight giggled. “I don’t know, Sunny...it is Great Grandma Twinkle’s recipe...I’m fairly certain that makes it a family secret...” She took off her glasses to clean them. “Would you be willing to get us some and bring it back up here?” she asked Sunset somewhat timidly. “I...I’m not sure I’m up for socializing right now, even with Mom and Dad.”
The former unicorn leaned to kiss her lightly. “I’ll be right back, then. Normal sized bowl or big bowl?”
Lavender fingers brushed her arm as they parted. “Normal is fine. And...thank you, Sunny...”
She gave those fingers a squeeze. “I told you...always. Even if it’s just to bring you dinner.” Then she made her way out, leaving Twilight in Cadence’s company while she headed for the kitchen.
Velvet and Night were in the kitchen—she was drinking a cup of coffee at the kitchen table while he was putting the last of the dishes away. Both parents turned their attention to Sunset when she entered. “The food is in the fridge, and there’s fresh bread on the counter, sweetie,” Velvet murmured.
“How’s Twily feeling?” Night asked, closing the silverware drawer.
Sunset set the container of chowder in the microwave, busying herself with retrieving a tray and bowls while the food heated. “She’s...tired...I think. I’m bringing the food to her—she said she wasn’t up to interacting with people tonight.”
Night Light exchanged a long look with his wife that Sunset couldn't decipher. “It was a bad one then.” His brows pinched with obvious worry. “Did she tell you what triggered it?”
The redheaded teen frowned, thinking back to what her girlfriend had said. “She had that meeting with her principal today—it...sounded like that may have had something to do with it.”
“She was already in a state when she got home this afternoon,” Velvet confirmed, tapping her finger against her mug. “Nothing I tried seemed to help...which isn’t like her.”
Biting her lip, Sunset asked quietly, “Do you know if she tried her medication earlier? She said none of her normal methods of calming down were working...”
The older woman nodded. “She did—I had her take it when I realized how upset she was after she got home. ”
Sunset sighed, grabbing two water bottles out of the fridge. “It might turn out to be an ice cream night then,” she told the two adults seriously. “I’ve never seen her this bad, and...” she paused, unsure if it was really her place to address what she was thinking, but something prodded her. “This...isn’t the first time her principal has come up while she’s upset...and the way she talks about her...Maybe it’s not my place to say, but...I went to a school like hers once, filled with the same kind of students hers is, and even there, the principal and teachers didn’t leave me feeling like they do Twilight. Are you sure that school is really a good idea?”
There was silence as she retrieved the now hot chowder and filled the two bowls on the tray with generous portions, scooping out extra hunks of salmon and her favorite veggies for her own serving. Worry gnawed at her as the quiet stretched on, and she tensed when Night cleared his throat. “We gave Twilight the option at the end of middle school, and she made the choice to go to Crystal Prep for academic reasons, but we’ve been keeping an eye on her, and...I would be lying if I said I haven’t had slight misgivings about it this whole school year.”
Twilight Velvet exhaled. “As have I, and if it weren’t for your friendship with her, I think we would have already sought to put Twily in a different school for her own mental health, regardless of how much it might upset her.”
Amber fingers selected several slices of soft, fresh bread that smelled almost as wonderful as the rest of the meal, blue-green eyes unable to look at the adults. “I...can’t have made that much of a difference,” she deflected. “I don’t even go to her school.”
There was a light chuckle from Night Light. “You’ve done more than you think, Sunset. Despite things seeming to be worse with her at school, her emotional state is a far cry from what it was before you came into her life. She’s been handling her stress much better, and breakdowns like this are much less common.” He gave her a smile as she glanced up, winking playfully. “Whatever you’re doing, please, keep it up.”
The former unicorn felt her face heat with a blush that went all the way to the tips of her ears. “I’m...really not doing much,” she protested. “I’m just...trying to be a good friend, the way Twilight has been for me.”
“Sweetheart,” Velvet told her warmly, “what you think of as ‘not much’ is wonderful, and has done more than I think you really understand. Twilight hasn’t been this happy since she was a little girl, and it’s because of you.”
Flustered and unsure how to respond to praise she wasn’t sure she had really earned, Sunset gathered the tray, prepared to make her escape. “I...should probably get this upstairs before it gets cold...”
“We’ll see you girls in the morning, Sunset—and if the roads are too bad, I want you to know I’m making you stay here. You don’t need to be risking your neck on icy roads,” Velvet called after her sternly as she headed for the stairs.
The former unicorn mulled over what her girlfriend’s parents had said, wondering if she really had made that much of a difference in Twilight’s life. It was a nice thought if nothing else, one that made her feel good, knowing that maybe she’d given back even just a fraction of what Twilight had given her since they’d met.
As she neared Twilight’s door, she could hear her talking to Cadence, her voice filled with excitement. “....it’s this anomaly I started detecting months ago, with a unique energy signature. I’ve had equipment running on a broad spectrum scan ever since, hoping to catch the full anomaly in action!”
“I’m guessing you did?” Cadence sounded confused but attentive.
“That’s what I discovered this week! There was an entire event involving this anomaly just before break, and I caught it all on my equipment! I’ve got so much data on it, I’m certain I can find out what caused it and why it’s happening here.”
Dread started to make Sunset’s stomach twist unpleasantly, the realization of what the ‘anomaly’ Twilight was referring to must have been.
Twilight’s rambling to Cadence continued, oblivious to the rising agitation in the unicorn-turned-girl that had stopped in the hall outside her door. “It’s super interesting and such a unique puzzle, and I really suspect the energy in the anomaly has potential for so many applications. That’s why I wanted to use it as my semester project—it could change everything!”
Sunset’s heart dropped so fast it took her stomach along for the ride to land somewhere in the vicinity of her ankles. Twilight’s unknowing research on magic had been given a massive jump...and it was all her fault. Horseapples.