Cross the Rubicon: Choices
Chapter 67: Chapter Fifty Four: Dispelled Illusions
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Twilight slipped the phone back in her pocket, her hands no longer shaking. Talking to Sunset—even if just for a few minutes—had helped her work through the worst of the negative emotions that had triggered her panic attack. Purple eyes flicked to the door to the study she’d taken up refuge in, then to the balcony doors on the opposite side of the room. She wasn’t sure she was ready to go back to the party just yet—she felt too raw, too exposed still to be able to handle her extended family.
She cracked the door to the hall, where Glamour Shot lingered like some form of guard after she’d followed Twilight out of the party. The young woman watched her with obvious concern. “Twilight? Do you want me to see if I can find your folks or something?”
After glancing up and down the hall to check for people she couldn’t deal with when her emotions were still so charged, she looked to her cousin. “...No...but...thank you.”
Glamour rubbed the back of her neck uncomfortably. “Um...please don’t get upset...Tranquil Dancer saw what happened, and he came by on his way to get Great Uncle Stalwart—I got him to leave you alone, since it sounded like you were still upset, but I couldn’t stop him from going to tell him what the aunts did.”
That filled Twilight with mixed feelings. The current head of the family was a wizened old man in a wheelchair, but his mind was still razor sharp. She’d only ever heard good things about the firm voiced former Supreme Court Justice, but because of his age and failing physical body, her actual interaction with Stalwart Veracity had been extremely limited. That made him a bit of an enigma, and whether he’d side with his daughter in law and sister over her outburst remained to be seen. She just hoped that if it was a negative reaction that he wouldn’t make things too difficult for her parents.
Taking a deep breath and shoving aside the continuing oddness of Glamour’s change in behavior, Twilight got out what she needed to say. “I...thank you for making sure I was left alone, Glamour. ...I’m...I’m okay now, but I don’t think I’m ready to go back yet. I’m going to step out on the balcony for some fresh air. I wanted to let you know.”
Glamour’s hands twitched with more of those start-and-stop-midway motions as her cousin smiled at her. “Okay, Twi. You take as long as you need. I’m just glad you’re okay now...” She paused, before plucking up a pretty mug from a nearby table, its contents steaming in the air. “Here. Dancer left this, said it was some kind of tea that would help settle your nerves. I made sure no one has touched it.”
Tea sounded wonderful right then. It wasn’t her first hot drink choice—that went to her mom’s hot cocoa, but right then, the tea was preferable. Cocoa was a drink she preferred to share with Sunset or Cadence, and they were both back home, out of reach for the comfort that the act of enjoying the beverage with them brought. “Oh...that’s...much better than the drink choices in the ballroom. Thank Tranquil Dancer for me when you see him?”
Her cousin bobbed her dark haired head, starting down the hall, only to stop a short distance away and turn back to her. “Don’t put too much stock in anything Mom or the aunts say. They just don’t get it.”
Who was this and what had she done to her somewhat vapid, shallow cousin obsessed with cosmetics and social media? It was a question that stayed in her mind like an itch that she couldn’t quite reach, but she had no way to answer it.
Twilight gave a nod, then headed for the balcony doors. She needed that air—more importantly, she needed the time and space away from everyone else—and maybe the cold crispness of the night would help clear her head the rest of the way.
She found herself wandering the balcony for a bit, eventually finding a spot with an unobstructed view of the gardens and the night sky. The one nice thing about the family estate was its distance from any towns meant it was great for stargazing, and Twilight found herself picking out familiar winter constellations, naming each of the stars and mentally reciting facts about each of the points of light. There was Orion, the hunter, with the red supergiant Betelgeuse as his shoulder, sat opposite blue supergiant Rigel as his foot, facing off against Taurus the Bull with the ever loyal Canis Majoris at his heels, Sirius blazing brightly in the night sky. There was the oft forgotten and overlooked Monoceros, and Gemini, and Canis Minor...all full of stars with names and well catalogued data that she had long since memorized, the clear science of it offset by the fanciful origin stories behind the pictures ancient peoples had drawn from the points of light in the heavens. It made her wish for her telescope and camera as she stood there, sipping the hot tea with her eyes glued to the cosmos—the clarity of the night and the lack of light pollution meant she could have taken some stunning photos of nebulae and some of the dimmer stars that were invisible near Canterlot.
The stars had always relaxed her, quieted her mind and soothed her emotions. They were constant. Steady. Predictable, even in their variations, with any unknown ultimately explainable by dedicated logic and science. Tension drained out of her, a sense of peace and calm starting to creep over her as she stared up at the infinite void studded with lights...the scope of it all reminding her just how small her worries really were.
“Beautiful night...too beautiful for you to be out here all alone.”
Peace that was abruptly broken by a presence and an unwelcome, oily male voice that conjured up memories of other similar voices, dripping with condescension and halfway to mocking, all wrapped up in pure egotism. The kind of male voice that had always made her mildly uncomfortable, but now made her skin crawl and fear send an icy chill through her veins because she could hear the predatory undertones that signaled a danger that had become all too real to her. For a brief moment, she could hear the faint echo of several similar voices in the back of her mind as they seemed to whisper crude commentary from all around her.
Twilight bit back a gasp that was far too close to real panic, drawing on Sunset’s training when a foreign touch fell on her shoulder-blade to execute a slight jump that morphed into a twist that set her feet into a defensive stance and put her out of arm’s reach of the person violating her personal space. “Movement, Sparky,” Sunset had coached her early on. “Don’t let them box you in—always move in the least expected direction, towards crowds of people if you can. It keeps them off balance and gets you closer to help.”
The same muscle memory that had set her into the stance Sunset had drilled into her made her draw her arm back and hurl her mug with its remaining tea at the person before her brain had caught up to what was going on. He ducked, the mug she had thought pretty whizzing by his ear and shattering into a thousand shards on the ground, never losing the cock-sure, smug smile on his lips. “…Feistier than I remember too,” he commented, straightening his tie, and she realized who it was.
“Silver Dollar,” she replied coldly, focusing on showing no outward sign of her fear—Sunset had been adamant about that too, in their lessons—as she watched him warily. “I...needed some fresh air,” she conceded, “and this was the best place for that.”
His smile unnerved her, dredging up memories she wasn’t in the right place to deal with tonight on top of everything else. Just like during her very brief encounter with him in the hall earlier, her heart rate increased and her skin prickled with goosebumps that had nothing to do with the ambient air temperature. “It certainly is a good place for some undisturbed quiet,” he agreed, ignoring her reaction and stepping in closer to her personal space—closer than even Twilight knew was socially acceptable.
She moved herself away again, trying to keep the distance between them, angling herself towards the doors to the ballroom filled with people, trying to remember Sunset’s advice while paying attention to the situation she found herself in…
Sunset corrected her stance again, hands warm as where they curled around her arms. “Check your balance, Sparky,” the redhead reminded her. “Don’t lean so much, and don’t make yourself a bigger target. Males are bigger and stronger than you. You can’t beat them in a contest of strength, so don’t even waste time trying that. You’ll only put yourself as a disadvantage, not to mention letting them get a grip on you. You want to avoid letting them get a grip if possible.”
Twilight nodded as Sunset took up a similar stance opposite her. “Okay…then what’s the better option?”
“Avoidance. Try and grab me, I’ll show you. Pretend you’re some big, hulking neanderthal or something.” Sunset winked, making her laugh.
Twilight rushed Sunset, hands outstretched for her girlfriend…only for Sunset to pivot and twist away. No matter how Twilight tried, the other girl seemed forever one step ahead, her movements fluid and controlled as she sidestepped and backed away from each swipe. “Avoidance will do you better than attack most of the time…it’s about watching your enemy, and staying out of reach. It lets you have the time to either move yourself to safety, or give you a chance to get a decisive hit. It also lets them expend energy and wear themselves out.”
One amber skinned hand darted out at her last mock attack, capturing her around the waist and pulling her up against Sunset. “Think smarter, not harder,” she teased, one finger tapping Twilight’s head. “Use your brains—they’re your strength, Twilight.”
Shaking her head to clear the memory, she realized that Silver Dollar had yet to take the hint that she wasn’t pleased to see him, as he was busy stepping back into her space. “So…what brings a pretty girl like you out here all alone and cold?” he asked, before taking a sip from a silver flask.
Twilight struggled to keep her breath steady, to not let any feelings show on her face besides utter disinterest and maybe mild annoyance, but it didn’t stop her from wanting to get away as fast as she could, or from wishing Sunset was with her now. Sunset would have already sent Silver Dollar running, and they could have enjoyed a laugh at the whole thing instead, just like they had on numerous outings. Her girlfriend was the more physically appealing specimen, after all, and she had turned annoyed disinterest heavily laced with sarcasm into an art form that left most interested males with bruised egos and plenty of embarrassment. She did her best to mimic that tone in her response. “Observational astronomy is an avocation for me,” she noted, removing herself yet again from close quarters from him and the unpleasant odor of hard liquor. There were a lot of people who lost interest when she started discussing hard science and stopped curbing her vocabulary to cater to their intellectual levels, giving Twilight a bit of hope that it would work here.
“Oh yeah?” Much to her dismay, those eyes took on an interested gleam, and he leaned against the rail, for once staying where he was. “I’ve studied a little myself. Think if I give you my hand, you can tell me my future, cutie? Maybe you’ll be in it.”
Whatever thought had been going through her head derailed. “…What?” she asked, her voice going flat. Surely he really wasn’t confusing… Twilight cringed mentally. ”…I study the stars,” she corrected tersely. “Gathering observational data, cataloguing the stars…not some fanciful made up mythology from ancient times dressed up in the modern era as mystical pseudo-science.”
Silver Dollar gave her another one of those oily smiles. “Don’t be like that, cutie. Don’t you know the starry sky is pretty romantic. Haven’t you ever thought about snuggling up with someone special, maybe sharing a blanket, all nice and cozy, while under the stars?” the young man countered, his eyes roving up and down her unabashedly. In that moment, the dark haired teen regretted the outfit she’d chosen to wear, even though it looked good on her. It was quite nice and while it didn’t show excessive skin, it was an outfit Sunset had helped her pick out, which meant it hugged her lean frame a little more than her normal clothing. For most people it would have—and did—go unnoticed, but under the eyes of Silver Dollar, she felt like her body was somehow on display.
She squashed the sick feeling in her stomach, a cold sweat making her shiver as it chilled her skin, the retort coming out sharper than she had initially intended. "I am not entirely certain what romanticism has to do with enormous spheres of hyper-dense, superheated plasma,” she lied, struggling to bring her voice back to sounding clinical and detached, “that are so far away that by the time the light actually reaches us, the star has moved on to an entirely different stage of its lifespan." A tight shrug gave her the chance to move another half step closer to the doors. The entire time she did her best to achieve a dry, instructive tone, drawing on the memories of the only teacher she’d ever had whose lectures could actually bore her to sleep. “But I find romance to be of little interest or value.”
The young man straightened up, his stride carrying him well inside the bounds of any measure of social propriety, so close that she could smell the sour reek of his sweat, overlaid by excessive amounts of cologne and the stink of the liquor he’d been drinking. That was bad enough, but then Silver Dollar reached out, grey-skinned hand gripping her upper arm, all so he could bend down, whispering close to her ear in a way she only felt comfortable with Sunset doing. “…you haven’t truly lived then, Twily,” he purred, appropriating her family’s nickname for her. “I can assure you, there’s nothing more romantic than finding love under the stars…”
Nausea made her insides churn and twist back in on themselves, his touch an echo of another hand, this one a sickly yellow-green, one that ignored her cries and struggles, and hadn’t remained on her arm. Twilight was hit with the memory of her back hitting the ground, of the feel and sound of her shirt and bra being torn open so that hand and its brother could grab at her breasts. Fear and panic rose, sending her heart racing with the rush of adrenaline, right before instinct—and a little of Sunset’s teaching—kicked in full force. “Don’t touch me!” she yelped, the words half snarl, half scream, right before she stomped her heel down as hard as she could on the top of his foot, right where the toes started.
It had the desired effect, his hand letting her go as he let out a cry of pain. She backed away from him, the panic fading now that he was out of her space. Instead, the full weight of his suggestion hit her, and she felt something in her recoil in absolute disgust. How dare he? Stargazing was special. Stargazing was personal. It was something she shared with her father when she was small, her first science passion, a love for the cosmos and its ordered beauty that was part of her soul in a way she couldn’t explain….and more than that, it had become something she now shared with Sunset Shimmer. She had plenty of memories from the past few months, of her and Sunset under the stars in the backyard, sharing her telescope while huddled under the same blanket for warmth, many of them accompanied by gentle touches and stolen kisses once the rest of the family had gone to bed. These were cherished, treasured memories that she held close to her heart, full of emotional closeness, trust, and a growing intimacy that excited her as much as it frightened her. The very suggestion of him in such intimate proximity to her in the same way felt like him attempting to encroach on a deeply private place that select few were invited to know.
It made her upset…and more than that, it made her angry, angry that she couldn’t be sharing the beautiful view with her best friend right now, angry that instead of Sunset, she was being subjected to harassment by someone who couldn’t take a hint, in a place she hated, surrounded by people who either didn’t know her at all, or only saw that she wasn’t what they believed she should be, angry that instead of being treated like a person, they acted like she was some kind of broken doll, to be pitied or fixed because she wasn’t their definition of ‘normal,’ and above all, she was angry that the one person who never asked her to be anyone other than who she was, who saw her for her intellect and passions and quirks and accepted it all, would have been seen as less worthy of being there than this entitled, oversexed male who didn’t seem to understand that ‘No,’ was a complete sentence.
In that moment, Twilight was pushed well past her ability to cope. She was tired, physically and emotionally, overwrought from being hurt and scared and angry and upset. She felt violated and dirty and wronged by the universe itself…and something deep inside her had had enough.
Like a switch had been suddenly flipped, every bit of fear, confusion, and worry draining away, leaving in their place an icy, emotionless calm with a flicker of…something unfamiliar…at its core. Purple eyes narrowed, holding a pitiless pragmatism as Twilight Sparkle caught Silver Dollar's gaze, her lips stretching in a thin movement that held little resemblance to a smile. When she spoke, the words were frosty and razor edged, each falling like ice into a winter pond. "Are you quite finished demonstrating your sheer lack of intelligence and common decency?” she hissed, watching the way he seemed taken aback and reveling in it. “Are you really so inadequate in your sense of masculinity that you feel the need to press your attentions on a teenage girl, in the hope she might be willing to overlook your lack of comprehension of how to carry out the simplest of interaction with the opposite gender?"
She stalked forward, each step as precise and measured as if she were dueling, an odd sensation in her skull as something within her took vicious pleasure in the confused look on Silver Dollar's face, the way his mouth opened and shut, the way he stumbled back from her. "Careful there, Silver,” she mocked, “someone might think you have... inappropriate intentions in mind. After all, I'm sure the unpleasant concoction in that flask of yours was next on your list of things to use to try and make me receptive to your attention…something many members of this family might have questions about..." A swirl of icy satisfaction made her shoulder blades tingle when he immediately fumbled to cap the flask and hide it in his jacket.
"I...I was... I wasn’t…" His voice faltered. "I didn't... " He swallowed, hands now moving in some kind of attempt at a placating gesture.
Twilight didn’t give him time to respond further. “Since you are incapable, or perhaps too inebriated to have a grasp on the concept of human social behavior that even I learned as a child, allow me to elucidate in words you can follow along with.” Her tone dripped with condescension. “I do not want you to touch me in any way. I do not want you to speak to me in any way. I don’t even want to be in the same building as you, let alone close enough to smell the stomach-turning mix of overpriced cologne and medical-grade disinfectant you call liquor. Leave. Me. Alone.”
The world itself hung in suspended animation, as if time had spun to a stop, only to be kick-started again when another voice interposed itself on the whole tableau. Everything restarted with an unpleasant jolt that brought Twilight back to herself, the emotional numbness replaced by shock and confusion. Where did that come from? I was angry…then…why did I…I shouldn’t have…but…it…felt good. Amusement bubbled up from somewhere inside her, making her want to laugh—inappropriate, given the circumstances—because he looked so stunned, almost like she’d hit him. Yet, all she’d used were words—big words, granted, but words all the same. Had that voice really been hers? So icy, so precise and cutting, more so than even her principal had managed on occasion…
Twilight’s mind seized that thought, examining it intently for meaning and depth, all while everything around her moved in slow motion. Sound intruded into the strange head-space, vibrations in the air that resolved into words…bubbly words, but with an undercurrent of something else she couldn’t decipher the context of in that moment. Color came next, her eyes blinking when her brain decided to start paying attention again to the information hitting her visual cortex. At first it was a blur of deep, dark amethyst shot through with antique gold, swirling through her vision—hair, her mind supplied a breath later. Clarity hit her, as if her mind had been underwater and she’d finally broached the surface, everything suddenly running at normal speed, and the mass of color and shape and sound resolving itself into Glamour Shot.
“Oh, Twi! There you are! I’ve been looking simply everywhere for you!” Glamour called, which Twilight knew made no sense. She had told her cousin exactly where she would be, didn’t she? “You’ve got to come with me!”
The older girl bounced over to stand between her and Silver Dollar, the action more in line with the bubbly, somewhat air-headed cousin Twilight remembered from previous years, all cheer and positivity and happiness bound up in a mess of girlish squeals and chatter. Though the attitude seemed at odds with her words, making Twilight look at her quizzically. “What’s going on?”
Movement from Silver Dollar finally appeared to register with her cousin, and she turned briefly to give him an empty-looking society smile that a blind man could have seen was fake. “Oh, Silvy! I’m sorry, I didn’t even notice you were here! Can’t talk now though, this is more important—so sorry! Maybe we’ll have another chance!” Dismissing him with a wave of one hand that came within a hair's breadth of flicking his nose with one of her long nails, she turned back to Twilight, bouncing again—an actual bounce, like she was on a trampoline and not stone.
Twilight was now beyond perplexed by her cousin. None of this made any sense. “Glamour? What happened? What did you need me for?”
“Oh, Twi, I just heard the news! Your whole family must be so proud of Shining Armor for making detective! Nightlife said he’s so terribly young to have already earned that rank, and then Malty was talking about how he’d heard from a friend that someone on that FBI task-force that’s been going after the creeps that are targeting high school girls might be heading to Canterlot and that Shining is their first choice for the police liaison! It's just so amazing!”
The teen was at a complete loss for words, staring at her cousin and trying to figure out exactly what her game was. Shining made detective, that was true, but the rest was a total fabrication… Her brows furrowed. Was Glamour trying to scare off Silver Dollar for her?
Her guess gained more validity when Glamour turned back to Silver Dollar, all saccharine voice and insincere polite smiles. “It takes a real man to hunt down those perverts and make them face justice for what they’ve done to innocent girls…” The sweetness dropped away, and her final words to him were as pointed as a knife. “Don’t you think so, Silvy?”
Whatever message was communicated over Twilight’s head in that last exchange was plain to Silver Dollar, as he again mimicked a fish out of water before fumbling out a transparent excuse about his father looking for him. She was hard pressed to not roll her eyes, because that was so obvious even she knew it was a load of crap, so much so that she almost laughed at how pathetic it was. Sunset’s voice flitted through her mind. “Now, now, Sparky. He’s doing the best he can—it’s not his fault he has goat farts for brains.”
Once his hindquarters—she pondered whether or not she should be concerned over how readily she was starting to pick up some of Sunset’s linguistic quirks and nonverbal gestures, before correcting the thought. Once his backside cleared the door, Glamour dropped the whole bubbly, bouncy thing like it was a professional performance and she was between takes. She turned back to her cousin, giving Twilight a worried look. "Are you okay Twi? I'm so sorry, he must have slipped past me,” she apologized earnestly. “I was trying to keep him away from the balcony.” Her hands twitched, having started to raise up to touch Twilight’s shoulder, only to halt mid-motion and lower again.
Twilight stared at her, the early unanswered conundrum of her cousin’s behavior coming back to the forefront of her thoughts. Everything she had done tonight was at odds with every other interaction in years past, and Twilight just could not figure out why.
She gave her head a shake, a tossing movement she'd picked up off Sunny that really did seem to help in chasing away errant thoughts on occasion. Her mouth opened to answer the question, but she found herself speaking her mind instead. "Why are you so different this year? You’ve never been like this before, and I don’t understand what variable is at work here! Why are you being nice? What do you want from me?” She knew how it sounded, knew that it called attention to everything that was wrong with her, but she just couldn’t take it anymore. She was drowning in a complex mess of social subtleties that she never seemed to understand, no matter how much she tried. It was like being trapped in a foreign country where you didn’t know the language but everyone expected you to just naturally be fluent and no one ever translated anything.
Glamour blinked a couple of times, a blush staining her cheeks, and she rubbed the back of her neck. “Its...complicated, I guess, but...um...I got a huge wake up call this year about how I was acting...that I was turning into an awful, terrible horrible person, and I couldn’t see it.”
Her eyes watered. “I know you don’t get it, not really…I was basically bullying you in those videos, and it was awful and mean…I can see that now, and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t change that it happened and I made you upset and I hurt you. All I ever wanted to do was make people feel good, to help bring out the beautiful things about them by helping them with hair and makeup and stuff. For the longest time, I thought I that’s what I was doing for you and so many others...but, it turned out...instead of making people's lives better, making them happy, I was actually stomping all over them for the sake of my own ego."
The older girl’s face was dark with embarrassment by that point but she kept talking, even as she blinked back tears. "Someone I...um...know took the time to help me learn to be a better person. A lot of time, actually. Part of that was to set things right with people I hurt in the past, whose feelings I ignored—like you. I deleted those videos I made with you in them and... my friend said, if I really meant it, then I would also make sure no one else treated you like that when we were here." Glamour’s gaze dropped away to stare at her toes. “They also told me I needed to apologize, for treating you like someone without any feelings of your own. I am sorry, really truly sorry for doing that—I really never meant to hurt you or make you upset. I only ever meant to help...”
Twilight stared, taken by surprise. Of all the explanations she had expected out of Glamour Shot, this had not been among them. She searched her cousin’s face, and something clicked in her brain, just like it did when she realized something about Sunset. “I forgive you,” she said quietly, reaching out to hug her.
Arms hesitated before going around her back to return the hug, relief rolling off Glamour in waves, just like it did off of Sunset sometimes. Twilight found herself smiling—this was something she knew how to respond to, something she could navigate. “I know how hard it can be to change like that. Someone important to me used to do a lot of bad things—she hurt a lot of people and she’s been trying so hard to be better, to make up for it all...and...I know how much it hurts her when people throw it back in her face.” She gave her cousin another squeeze. “Thank you for trying, for apologizing, and...for helping me tonight. It matters, and it makes a difference, Glamour.”
Glamour Shot let her go, carefully wiping the tears off her face. “I just want to help, Twi, really. Thats all I’ve ever wanted, and I’m sorry I was doing it all wrong.”
The dark haired teen smiled again. “I know—I never thought you were doing it to be mean. You were...just like everyone else here, is all. You...didn’t get it, get me. Most people don’t.” There was a pause, and she rolled her eyes. “Summer Breeze and Great Aunt Alabaster sure don’t.”
Her cousin turned to lean on the balcony railing with her elbows. “Twi, Mom’s a first class gold-digger, and Alabaster is like ninety. Neither of them married for love, and the idea that someone might want to is completely alien to them. All they see is social advantage and dollar signs.” She made a face, her voice becoming as bitter as Twilight had ever heard it. “Hell, Mom and Daddy are here, giving a simply wonderful display of socially acceptable ‘married bliss’ all while doing a little ‘social networking,’ purely in the hope that Uncle High Bar might increase their allowance from the family trust—never mind that Daddy just closed a multi-billion dollar contract last month, and Mom had one of her latest necklaces sell for a pretty fifteen million. The moment they leave here though? It’s back to them arguing until Daddy goes on his next ‘business trip’ with that assistant of his who is barely older than I am, and Mom goes back to her yoga instructor…though with her record, she’ll probably trade him in for a newer model soon. The concept of love and a real relationship…they’d never understand what any of that is like.”
Twilight joined her at the railing, seeing the echo of familiar feelings in the way her cousin was blinking back tears, heard it in the words that said so much and yet so little at the same time. She tilted her face heavenwards, staring at the stars for a moment before she took the plunge. “What’s her name?” she ventured, hoping she wasn’t about to make a fool of herself with a false assumption.
Startled eyes glanced at her, before a soft smile and a distant, fond look came over her face. “Wildsong,” she said answered, her tone filled with the same notes Twilight heard in the dark of night in her room. “Yours?”
Glancing around reflexively and finding no one, she sighed. “Sunset Shimmer.” There was a curious sense of relief in admitting it.
“She the one you got mad about earlier?”
It was Twilight’s turn to blush. “...yes.”
Glamour giggled. “I’ve never seen Great Aunt Alabaster speechless before. They werent expecting you to raise your voice.”
Mortification made her groan and put her head in her hands. “In front of everyone too...I’m sure I’ll get an earful next time they corner me. Somewhere just as public, knowing Great Aunt Alabaster.”
The older girl nudged her with a shoulder, the motion friendly but still gentle, as if worried about overstepping a boundary. “If it means anything, I think everyone under thirty is on your side, and don’t discount Great Uncle Stalwart just yet. He is still in charge, and if he has to, he can put Alabaster in her place. Not everyone shares her views, or Filigree’s. A lot of the younger generations have been on the receiving end of those kinds of lectures, and we all hate them.” Her grin turned decidedly impish. “I can’t wait to tell Wildsong about it...I would’ve brought her with me if I could have, but she is super open about it, so it wouldn’t be any secret that my ‘friend’ was a lesbian…and...well...you know how things are here, how a lot of our family seems to view that sort of thing…”
“‘Traditional values are under attack! Think of the children!’” Twilight responded dryly. “Right before the inevitable conversation about how homosexuals are horrible deviants looking to convert others to their choice in lifestyles, seeking to destroy everything they hold dear. Usually right before they talk about helping to fund the latest political campaign in opposition to gay marriage rights?…I’m familiar with it.”
“Exactly.” Glamour made a face. “It just goes to show how ignorant they are about some of the members of this family, really.”
Tilting her head quizzically, Twilight bit her lip. “What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say, between a few of our other cousins, Dancer, me, and now you, it’s a good thing this mansion has a lot of closet space.”
It took a moment for the joke to register, and Twilight struggled to avoid laughing. “...Oh…oh I had no idea—I actually thought I was the only one…” She glanced back towards the party, and sighed. “I haven’t even told my parents. They love Sunset, but they think she’s just my best friend.”
That surprised Glamour. “But your parents are so relaxed and wonderful—I actually thought they knew! I wish my parents cared about me the way yours obviously care about you.” She blew a curl out of her eyes. “If I came out to Mom, she’d freak! I can't marry for money if I’m not looking at men, you know? And Daddy? He’d probably send me away or cut me off, and there's no way I can afford school on my own.” She sighed. “We cant even go out together on real dates when I’m at school, or do anything where we might get caught. She’s out and proud of it, but I’m not, and I can't risk word getting back to the family, to my parents. I already got lectured tonight by Grandmother about spending time ‘fraternizing with those sexual deviants.’”
Twilight shivered, a prickle of fear going through her at the direction the conversation had turned. “And Cadence wonders why I don’t want to tell anyone else…I…I know that my parents would most likely be okay, but here? The family? School? I…I can’t. There’s already too much I have to deal with. I can’t have them attacking that part of me too.”
Glamour put a hand carefully on her shoulder, the motion hesitant and slow, giving Twilight time to pull away if she wanted. “Twi, it’s okay. I know how you feel.” She smiled wistfully. “Song doesn’t quite get it—she’s got a few older relatives who came out a few decades ago, so her family just goes with it...and well, her family is from a...different social group than ours. One that has joined the twenty-first century and isn’t still stuck three centuries in the past, wearing hoop skirts and corsets while they stay near enough to the closest fainting couch if something objectionable breathes in their direction. So I totally get what you mean by it. It's…terrifying. As much as I want to be able to go places and be with her on dates…the thought of all of the things that would happen if I did? I feel like I can’t breathe when I think about it too much.” Glamour Shot ran her fingers through her hair. “Sometimes ‘the closet’ feels more like a coffin.”
The dark haired teen’s mind was focused on a single thought, the revelation of it wonderful but alien; someone else who understood how she felt, because they felt the same way was something she had never even considered as a remote possibility. Presented with it now, she was overwhelmed, but strangely thankful for it. “…you’re the first person to understand how it feels,” she admitted aloud. “…It…feels good to know I’m not alone.”
“You were never alone, Twi. I just…wasn’t good at showing you that I wanted to be your friend and not just your ditzy, make-up obsessed cousin. I’m sorry for that.”
She could feel her own cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “You…heard that?”
There was a hint of sadness in Glamour’s half smile. “…I hear a lot of things, Twi. People just think I’m too much of a brainless bimbo to understand them. It’s okay. I was awful to you—you more than earned the right to complain to your mom a few times.” Her cousin glanced her way, changing the subject. “What about Sunset? Is she out? Or still in the closet?”
Brows furrowed. “…I…I’m not sure I can answer that easily. Sunny has very different reasons from me for wanting to keep our relationship quiet, and hers don’t really have anything to do with sexuality, as far as I can tell…she’s the one I was talking about before, who did some pretty awful things to others and is still trying to make up for it. She doesn’t want to let people know yet because she’s afraid of people taking their anger out on me. Her other friends and the kids at her school don’t even know I exist, let alone that she’s my best friend and my girlfriend. I suspect that won’t change until she’s dealt with a lot of the things she’s struggling with inside her own head. So we’re keeping it between us, mostly. Cadence knows, and now you, but…that’s really it. We’ve talked about it, but I think it’s going to stay like this for a while.”
“I can understand her fears. It’s…never easy, looking back and realizing how badly you’ve messed up, then not really knowing how to fix it. It sounds like she’s lucky to have you.” Glamour grinned at her.
“I’m the one who’s lucky,” Twilight corrected. “Sunset’s amazing, and gorgeous, and she...she gets me. She just seems to know, and I don’t feel weird and broken when I’m with her.”
Glamour Shot chewed on her lip. “You’re not broken, Twilight, just because you’re different. Even before Song yelled at me, I never thought you were broken or weird. It’s why I tried so hard to get you to open up to me, and it’s why I wanted to help. Your differences make you who you are, and they make you beautiful in your own way. I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like there was something wrong with you.”
Her vision blurred as tears welled up in her eyes, and she had to swallow around a lump in her throat. “...thanks, Glamour...” She pulled off her glasses to scrub the tears away.
The warm hand on her shoulder turned into a brief side hug. “I might not always get it right, Twi, but I’d like to be here if you need someone to talk to that gets at least one part of you. It sucks to be in love and not be able to tell anyone about how wonderful she makes you feel.” She laughed slightly. “I mean, I know you have Cadence, and she probably knows more about relationships than any five of my friends put together…but…I guess I mean someone who gets that you can’t always be ‘out and proud’ and that talking about coming out isn’t the response you need when you want to talk about how much you love your girlfriend, how much it hurts to have to lie about it and pretend she’s nothing more than your friend or your roommate or whatever the excuse of the month is for why you spend all that time together… Someone who knows what it’s like to live with a mask up so your mere existence doesn’t offend someone’s sensibilities.” She pulled back, grimacing. “Sorry. I’m probably just projecting some of my bitterness on you, and that’s not fair either. I do mean it though. I’m here if you ever want to talk about stuff like that.”
Twilight considered that for a moment, then gave her cousin a wry smile. “I think I like it when I’m talking to the real you,” she observed, before fishing her phone out with chilled fingers. “What’s your phone number?”
Glamour rattled off the digits, and glanced at Twilight’s phone. “Is that her?” One finger pointed to the grinning picture of Sunset leaning on her bike, giving the camera a smirk and finger-guns. It had been a picture taken on a whim when they had been goofing around one Saturday, but Twilight couldn’t resist making it her background.
“Yeah...” She punched in a quick message to the new contact number. “That’s Sunset.”
The other girl whistled. “Wow. She’s...you didn’t Photoshop that at all?”
“What? No! Sunset’s just...like that...and I don’t think she realizes how attractive she is.” There was a part of her that felt giddy at being able to talk about this part of Sunset with someone who could understand. “She’s not just gorgeous either…she’s as smart as I am, and her voice…” Twilight’s cheeks grew hot.
“She could read the minutes to a board meeting and you’d still want to jump her?” Her cousin grinned at her.
Ducking her head, Twilight mumbled something close to an affirmative, before adding, “And that’s not even talking about when she sings…”
“If I wasn’t so attached to Wildsong, I think I would be jealous of you, Twi!” Glamour’s phone chirped, and she retrieved it, fiddling with it for a moment, before turning it around to show Twilight a picture of Glamour with another girl her age. The other girl was stocky and androgynous, but even in the photo, sheer force of personality came through and made her seem larger than life. Wild hair stuck up in all directions, the sharp clash of black stripes against a rainbow of colors making it the most unique hair style Twilight had ever seen, especially in counter to honey colored skin. One arm was slung around Glamour’s shoulders, while her other pointed deliberately to the t-shirt she had on whose written message made Twilight blush even more than she already was. “That’s my Song,” Glamour Shot admitted with all the air of someone imparting a secret.
It made Twilight laugh, and as she and her cousin exchanged hushed stories on the balcony about their girlfriends and secret romances, she realized she didn’t feel isolated and alone anymore.