Cross the Rubicon: Choices
Chapter 21: Chapter Seventeen: Take A Chance
Previous Chapter Next ChapterThe chill in the loft meant that Sunset had brought one of the blankets down from her bed for them to share while watching movies, and that left the pair curled up under it on the sofa, shoulders touching. The heroes on screen were busy fighting monsters, but the redhead found her mind wandering.
She’d picked up Twilight from her house, their greeting a warm hug that both had lingered in for longer than should have been comfortable, and she’d savored the way it had felt, just as she’d done for the ride back to her place, with Twilight’s arms tight around her middle. The contact with the dark haired girl still sent warmth through her whole body, chasing away the stress and negative emotions from a long week at school, but with her recent revelations, she was hyper aware of the touch between them. The contours of Twilight’s arms and body, the way they had put firm pressure on her ribcage, the fluttery, tingling sensation that nearly made her breath catch on more than one occasion...all of that was brought into focus with sudden clarity. The ride to her loft had never been so intensely distracting before.
They’d ordered pizza, then set up the room for an evening of movies and junk food. She’d watched her friend’s body language, stretching the absolute limits of her learned knowledge of human nonverbal communication, all while taking the risk of being more affectionate and touchy than normal: bumping shoulders, touching her arm, and of course, more hugs…and it hadn’t helped at all. Twilight was always very affectionate with Sunset, perhaps even more than she was with her own family. That was something that she’d learned early—the lavender skinned girl was a bit of a hugger, especially if she felt Sunset needed it, and she seemed to take the increased contact as a sign that Sunset needed more hugs that day. Every time they came into close proximity, Twilight’s arms came around her in some fashion for a brief embrace, sending pleasant tingles up Sunset’s spine.
That led to the current situation—sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch under the same blanket, the shorter girl actually leaning against Sunset’s side a little, completely relaxed. Purple fingers rested lightly on her wrist, and she worried that the other girl could feel her racing pulse. She had no idea what to do next, and she was even less sure of herself than she’d been three days ago.
Twilight was glad she’d already seen these movies—her mind wouldn’t shut up, and she could barely focus on what was happening on the screen. Sunset was warm, and had been far more touchy than usual, and it was killing her slowly. She kept sneaking in more hugs, mostly because it doused some of the urge to kiss her amber-skinned friend, and the way Sunset melted into them, pressing her face into her shoulder was both wonderful and worrying. It was part of the reason why she was leaning into her now, looping their arms together so she could let her palm and fingers sit on the other girl’s wrist, letting her know that she was here, that she wasn’t going anywhere.
Still, it did nothing to help the way her eyes kept flicking to Sunset’s lips of their own accord, and how her own mind was at war with itself. Twilight had spent most of the week trying to psych herself up to tell the other girl how she felt, but now that she was here, all her courage had dissolved like so much smoke. She knew she was right in her initial analysis; Sunset was inexperienced in positive social interactions—the hints dropped in their conversations suggested that she’d run away from an emotionally ambivalent relationship with a foster parent and survived on her own by making herself the meanest, most aggressive ‘alpha bitch’ she could for a number of years, all while living entirely on her own with finances of unknown means. Twilight’s kindness and affection was likely the first in her entire life that had come without a price tag attached, and she drank it up like desiccated ground absorbed water. Pushing her attraction on a girl who barely had knowledge of friendship had the serious potential to lead to disaster…
Cadence had had a point though. Bottling it up only led her to thinking herself in circles, and if she changed how she acted to try and get rid of her crush on the redhead, there was a chance that Sunset would not understand what was going on and take it the wrong way. In fact, given what she’d learned from the other girl, that was more than ‘a chance.’ It would likely be a certainty, and one would lead to Sunset engaging in more self-flagellation in regards to her own perceived lack of worth. That was something Twilight desperately wanted to avoid—Sunset and the friendship they shared was too important to her for her to want to risk hurting the redhead, even accidentally.
She let out a noise without realizing it, a small sound of frustration and stress, trying to quell the anxiety starting to bubble up in her. That got the attention of her companion, and Sunset glanced at her, brows furrowing. Her free hand hit the pause button on the remote. “Sparky?” she asked, the nickname wonderful in Twilight’s ears. “What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t take it anymore. Before she could halt her own actions, or consider the ramifications of going through with the thought that passed through her mind, she was moving, leaning up to press her lips against Sunset’s cheek, not more than half an inch away from the lips she wanted to taste so desperately.
Sunset’s brain misfired several times, unable to properly process what was going on. Twilight had kissed her cheek—what did that mean to humans again? She couldn’t remember if that was supposed to be a sign of encouragement of her affections or a rejection, and with that confusion in her eyes, she shifted so she could see the dark haired girl more easily. “…Sparky?” she asked, the single word communicating her uncertainty and need to understand.
Purple eyes met hers, and Twilight flushed. “…I…Look…I have to tell you something…and..can you just let me get through it?”
She nodded slowly, more confused than ever.
Twilight took a deep breath. “…truth is…I like girls…” she admitted, the words seeming to stick in her throat, “…and…I really, really like you, Sunset…a lot. You don’t see it, but you’re amazing, everything about you. You’re smart and funny, you make me laugh, and I can just be myself around you, no need to dumb myself down or talk about things I don’t care about just to interest you. You’re there when I need you, but you don’t treat me like I’m helpless, and I don’t know if you realize just how sexy you are when you’re wearing your jacket and smiling at me. You’ve become my best friend…” Her smile wobbled. “You’re special to me, Sunset, and I don’t want to mess that up, not for anything in the world. I don’t want to hurt you, to put things on you that you aren’t ready for or don’t want, but Cadence was right—bottling it up was making it all worse, and I needed to tell you the truth.” A sniffle escaped her. “So there it is. The truth.”
Sunset felt lightheaded and somewhat detached from reality for the time being, wide eyes searching Twilight’s face during the entire confession, feeling the hand that had been on her wrist moving to curl around her fingers instead. When her impassioned speech came to an end, the shorter girl tried to pull them away, but Sunset tightened her grip firmly. She wasn’t about to let her run away before the former unicorn could get her thoughts in order… Starting with the confusion over why Twilight seemed to treat attraction to women as a hard thing to admit...which was dispelled when she remembered that humans placed a lot more social stigma on a person’s preference in romantic partners than Equestria ever had. Then she rolled the rest of the words around in her mind, trying to get a handle on it all, on what it meant.
Sparky liked her, was attracted to her. Her. Sunset Shimmer. Even with knowing the vast majority of her crimes, she still wanted… A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth, a shy, lopsided thing. Part of her worried about the way this could all go wrong, at all the ways she could mess it all up, but for once, she shoved that to the back of her mind. None of that mattered right now. What mattered was the way Twilight Sparkle was looking at her, the way it made her feel, and excitement she felt. She felt herself adjusting her posture, and she threw the last of her worries away and took a chance, leaning forward to rest her forehead against Twilight’s, a gesture that didn’t mean the same thing to the human girl as it did to her, the closest Sunset could get to the kiss of two horns interlocking their spirals at the base. Even without her horn, the gesture didn’t lose the intimacy it held, or the way it made her heart jump. “…I like you too,” she admitted softly. “There is no one in this entire world who is more important to me than you, Sparky, and I…I don’t want to mess that up either, but I…” her courage faltered for a moment, insecurity and shyness making themselves known. “…I don’t have any idea what I’m doing…and I’m afraid I’ll screw up…but…I want to try. I don’t want to stop feeling this, with you.” She chewed her lip nervously. “Can we? Can we try? Take it slow and see where it goes?”
Twilight was quiet for a time, but since she wasn’t trying to pull away Sunset kept them close together, giving her time to organize her thoughts. “I…would like to, very much, but only if you’re sure it’s what you want, Sunset. Not because you think it’ll make me happy, but because you really want it too.” Her free hand came up, brushing some of Sunset’s hair back from where it had fallen against her cheek. “..you don’t have anything to prove to me—I’ll always be your friend no matter what you choose to do. Friendship isn’t based on conditions or a price. It's freely given or its not real.”
Fire burned in her blood and bones, but this wasn’t the painful ache or the screaming want—this fire was like the warmth of the sun, or heat of a shower after being out in frigid winter weather. It soaked into her every fiber of her body and soul, swirling in her lungs and coating the words that fell fervently from her lips. “…I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this, Sparky…” She swallowed, hard, admitting it to herself as much as to the other girl. “…as much as I want you…” Sunset took a deep breath, one that made her body shudder from how it tried to catch in her throat.
Arms found their way around Sunset, and the giggle that escaped Twilight was one part relief, one part giddy happiness. “…Alright. Then…yes…yes…Let’s try.”
Something about the moment urged Sunset on, desire thrumming in her with the need to act. She gave in to the want this time, covering Twilight’s mouth with her own, the experience as much one of exploration as it was emotion. She had no real experience with kissing—she’d been too engrossed in her ambitions during her first stint with adolescence in Equestria, and as for kissing as a human? There, she could count on her fingers the times she’d kissed Flash, and in her mind, they didn’t count for much. At the time, every single one had been a calculated, deliberate tactic as part of her manipulation game, done in public areas in front of watching eyes as a way to boost her own social standing long term. There had been no real interest or emotion on her part—she ultimately just mimicked what she saw on TV or in the halls at school—and for her, they’d been disgusting, lackluster things that were to be gotten through as quickly as possible.
This was nothing like any of those kisses, not in any aspect of it. The physical sensations alone nearly overloaded her mind: how Twilight’s hands fisted into her shirt at the small of her back, letting the dark haired girl lean into her, the soft, curious kneading motion of their lips, gentle and interested without either of them seeking to make more of the kiss than what it was, the eager little noise that escaped Twilight’s throat when Sunset’s fingers found their way to the back of her head, even the lingering taste of sugary soda that mingled with a taste that was uniquely that of the human girl, coupled with the scent she’d come to associate with Twilight Sparkle, all of it was a heady mix that bombarded her, and that wasn’t even accounting for the way the turn of events was making her feel. The warmth that had filled her before had found its way to every extremity, leaving her skin tingling and her heart racing with exhilaration, even as the want that had terrified her the past week returned, the emotions and affection of the intimate moment filling the aching hole that had been in her for as long as she could remember. Every touch, every soft sound and tremble of their bodies, even the heat generated by the close contact…all of that was new and different, and Sunset basked in it even when they parted for air, and when they came back together for more.
When they finally pulled apart, both wearing somewhat silly smiles, Sunset tugged Twilight fully into a warm hug, nuzzling her face into that lavender skinned neck. “…Please tell me that this is really happening, Sparky…” she whispered fervently, wanting to stay in the happy bubble they’d created.
Arms gripped around her back harder. “…It’s real…we’re trying this, seeing where it goes, just like you said.”
Sunset let out a soft sigh as the fears and worries she’d shoved to the side raised their heads again, nipping at her.. “…is it silly of me to want to keep you like this, all to myself for a little while? Does it make me selfish to just want to keep this between us, so that no one else tries to interfere with it…Not your family, but…like…anyone else?”
Silence met her ears for a long enough time that she pulled back to look into purple eyes with concern. “Sparky?”
Twilight chewed on her lip, managing to look embarrassed and ashamed all at once. “…My parents don’t know. I haven’t told them that I’m only interested in girls. The only other person who knows besides you is Cady.”
The former unicorn furrowed her brows, these subtle nuances of human-culture-social-stigmas still an area that she needed to learn more about. “…I…don’t really understand…” she finally responded, deciding to continue to be honest. “…Your parents are really nice and friendly. Would they be…upset? Mad?”
“…No…Mom and Dad love me, I know that. It’s…hard. I try to work up to telling them, but every time I try, I panic…I think of all the little things they could say and do, or what they might think of it, and if they’ll approve in who I want to date, and what the extended members of my family will say about it..just so many little things until I can’t breathe right and I end up having a panic attack. Even thinking about it makes me feel anxious.” Twilight brushed their lips together again, the barest touch that calmed the shaking that had taken over the hands resting against the small of Sunset’s back.
Sunset nuzzled her before she remembered that it wasn’t a normal human gesture. “…It’s alright, Sparky. I’m more than okay with keeping this whole thing a secret from everyone for now. Breathe for me?”
The lavender skinned girl leaned into her, doing as she was bid, taking deep breaths in between one or both of them closing the distance for more of those sweet and affectionate kisses. At some point, Sunset realized that she felt strangely content, and an idea sprang to mind. “…Hey. Come here.” With a little effort, and some adjustment of the blanket, she rearranged them on the couch so they were half laying together, propped up by the arm of the sofa and surrounded by the thick blanket, Twilight’s back to her front. Her arms found their way around the dark haired girl’s waist, and she kissed the top of her head. “…Hit play? I do want to see how the movie ends.”
Twilight relaxed against her. “True. And we have several more to get through to get you caught up on the franchise. Besides, I’m pretty fond of the villain for this one.”
“Oh?” She glanced down, her grin teasing.
The other girl tilted her head back to meet Sunset in another kiss. “Mmhmm...He starts off as a villain, but he’s really not so bad.” Then she hit play, and their attention fell back to the movie…though Sunset did enjoy how good it felt to have Twilight snug and secure in her arms like this.
Hours later, after several more movies, the girls had cleaned up the room, and Sunset was putting her jacket back on, when she felt arms go around her and a body press against her back. “Your apartment is freezing, Sunset.”
“Yeah. Heater is on the fritz again. Wanna spend next Saturday helping me fix it? Maybe upgrade it?” She turned in the embrace, nuzzling into Twilight’s neck half on instinct. “I can send you a picture of it tomorrow and we can brainstorm this week about it. That thing is probably older than I am, and really needs a good overhaul.”
Laughter and another kiss told her it had been a good suggestion. “I’ll bring my tools and we’ll call it a date,” Twilight giggled at her.
“I wouldn’t say no. Now come on; I need to get you home before it’s too late. You can’t help me fix my heater if you’re grounded.”
It was a quick ride to Twilight’s house to drop her off, and the girls managed to sneak in one more soft kiss before they parted ways. Sunset headed home, managing to contain herself until she was safely back inside the loft before practically prancing in place with an elated squeal of utter joy, unaware that at that same time, in her own room in front of her dog, Twilight was doing the exact same thing.