One of the benefits to her library hideaway was that very few people knew it existed. The second floor of the CHS library was mostly a repository of forgotten reference materials and dead media formats, along with old records from the school and something like ninety years worth of yearbooks. That meant that few people ever braved the dust other than true bibliophiles and Sunset herself—not even the librarian went to the second floor any more than she had to. Which was fine with Sunset, because it was the place she retreated to when she needed to have space and quiet to sort her thoughts and emotions. It had gotten less use over recent months, but the former unicorn still found its soft lighting—courtesy of a couple of desk lamps and a few strings of large sized Christmas lights—and solitude soothing.

Which was why she was there right now, trying to cope with the emotions the meeting with the principals had stirred up…and figure out what she was going to tell her friends about the previous day, because she knew they would want to know. The former unicorn didn't want to lie to them…but she wasn't sure she wanted to tell them everything. Her two lives were on a collision course, and there was nothing she could do to stop it…but there was some, small, selfish part of her that just didn't want to share Twilight just yet. Not until she’d told her the truth about everything—Twilight deserved to be told first, when she was in a better state of mind, so she could have time to process everything and prepare herself, not be thrust face first into a Pinkie Pie Party with no warning, surrounded by people who knew her name and were two hundred percent friendship by volume a thousand percent of the time.

Groaning in her throat in frustration, Sunset put her face in her hands, hunched up in one of the beanbags she had put in the room for when she needed a nap or to relax. It didn't help that Principal Celestia had stirred up memories and feelings and things she’d been trying so hard to put behind her…stuff she’d thought she was getting better about letting go, but one conversation with the principal and it was all there at the surface again, boiling under her skin.

She belonged here, to this school, with the humans who had embraced her…even after they’d suffered under her ego. They trusted her, stood up for her…Principal Celestia was proud of her. Vice Principal Luna respected her. Her friends cared about her—Applejack had called her family at the New Years party. They encouraged her to be who she was, and accepted that Sunset Shimmer was a grumpy little unicorn from another world that messed up their lives with magic.

So why did it matter so much that it wasn’t Princess Celestia who said those things? That it wasn't other ponies who accepted her? That wanted her? Sunset Shimmer was being offered everything she ever wanted, and all her stupid mind could seem to focus on was a childish reaction that it wasn't being offered by the right beings.

The worst part was, she didn't really get why it still mattered to her. She knew—had known since before she ran away through the portal—that the Princess did not see Sunset as family, and all of her belief that she could prove herself worthy had been wishful thinking that she could force an outcome of her choosing. She accepted that—she’d said as much to her girlfriend, and she really meant it…yet it didn't stop the longing ache that had risen when the principal had spoken, sounding so much in that moment like the Princess of the Sun.

Principal Celestia was proud of her, even after all her failures and turning into a raging she-demon…so why had she been such a disappointment to Princess Celestia?

It could have been the lack of closure that was getting to her. Knowing she would never have the chance to ask the princess why her best hadn't been good enough…why she had never been enough. Like the secret of her origins and her birth parents, it was one more thing that she would never have the ability to answer. Maybe that was it, especially given how being in this world, finally taking the chance at opening herself up to others, and being accepted, despite all her mistakes and flaws and all the awful things she’d said and done, had drawn the lack of acceptance from anypony in Equestria into stark relief, and made her question it for the first time in her life.

Sunset scrubbed her face with the edge of her shirt sleeve, trying to wipe away the few tears that had managed to escape. She had more important things to do than running her mind in circles over and over about something that wouldn't ever have an answer. Like the questions about her parentage, it needed to go into the little box in the corner of her soul that she just avoided opening at all costs. Maybe someday, when she wasn't dealing with dark magic infesting a school and a potential attack on both CHS and the portal to Equestria, she could sort through some of the things she’d shoved in there, but for now…

For now, Sunset Shimmer couldn't afford to waste the time thinking about it.

Which left her back at her square one, trying to decide what to tell her friends about yesterday. “Ponyfeathers…” she groaned, flopping completely back into the welcoming embrace of the bean bag chair. She could feel a headache coming on, and it wasn't even eight o’clock yet.

Footsteps caught her ears, and then a knock as the door was opening. Sunset tensed—it was too early for a lot of people to be at the school yet, and even fewer knew to look in here. Her suspicions were confirmed when Rainbow Dash stepped in and shut the door behind her. The athlete looked windblown and red faced from the early morning chill, and more than a little tired, but that didn't stop her from holding out a Dr. Pepper and a paper sack that turned out to contain half a dozen of Sunset’s favorite danishes. “Here. Didn't know if you ate since yesterday, so I grabbed breakfast on the way.”

The former unicorn took them with a surprised expression etched onto her features. “Dash…” she started.

“It's not a big deal, Shimmer, but I know you don't eat when you're stressed. You don’t usually sleep either. Wasn't sure you did either yesterday after you bailed from history. Figured I’d make sure you made up for it.”

Guilt ate at her. “…thank you, Dash,” she whispered, voice thick with emotion.

“It’s cool. You’d do it for me.” The colorful teen flopped backwards into the desk chair and spun to face Sunset, taking a long drink from her own soda bottle. “You okay after yesterday? Shy said you were super rattled when you ran out. Like something scared you…and then you said you were on fire but couldn't make it go out.”

Nibbling at a danish, Sunset sighed. “I’m better now,” she answered honestly. “There were a couple of rough moments though, and I was worried I was a fire hazard.”

Her friend nodded in understanding, and they fell into an easy silence as they worked on their breakfasts. Then, just as suddenly as she appeared in the library, Dash spoke again.

“How about your friend? Are they okay?”

Sunset choked, soda threatening to backflush out her nostrils. She sat forward, hacking and coughing , trying to clear her various airways, before staring at Rainbow Dash. “What—?!”

Spinning lazily, the soccer star responded, “That's what yesterday was all about, wasn't it? The friend you made a while ago, the one that doesn't go to our school, they were in some kind of trouble, right?”

Still gaping like a fish, Sunset stammered, “That’s…right…but how did you…?”

The spinning chair stopped, and her friend rolled her eyes. “It wasn't hard to figure out, Shimmer. I knew about your friend already—remember? Back before Thanksgiving?” She took another swig of her drink. “Fluttershy said you looked really upset, and then you said your magic was doing stuff…and it’s Friendship magic, right? So it had to be about a friend or family, and since you’re from Equestria and it was a message on your phone, it couldn't be your pony family, so it had to be someone here. And if it was someone at CHS, you would have just told us and we would've been called to help…so it had to be your secret friend who doesn’t go here…”

She had completely forgotten about that long ago conversation by her locker, she realized. Partially because Rainbow had just never mentioned it, and partially because after that point, the girls had seemed to come to some private agreement that they didn't make plans for Fridays, so she hadn't needed to keep evading the subject. Now she wondered—had Dash subtly discouraged Friday plans to cover for her?

“…anyway, I decided since it's still a secret that I'd get here early and catch you alone, so I could ask. So is your friend okay?” There was such worry hidden in that raspy voice, care and concern for someone that she didn't even know, all because they were important to Sunset…and even now, Dash had kept her word. Not told anyone else…

Sunset felt the magic in the air around them, sky-blue wings framing Rainbow’s back, and the sudden weight of an extra eighteen inches of hair on her head, the rush of sounds suddenly coming into proper focus to pony ears, and fire dancing around her horn to cast flickering shadows on the walls. She opened her mouth to answer, and the truth came tumbling out.

“Twilight. Her name’s Twilight Sparkle, and she goes to Crystal Prep…”

Eyes widened, but Dash focused on the part she cared most about. “She okay?”

“…not really. She had nightmares last night, and she has to go back to Crystal Prep…”

Another nod. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

Taking a deep breath, Sunset nodded, and what came out was everything. The whole story. Every sordid detail from their meeting in the park and the boys who Sunset beat the crap out of, to the awkward and shy friendship between the unicorn who never really had one and the nerdy bookworm who had never had many but was determined to be Sunset’s first friend, to even the awkward romance that had bloomed. Nothing was left out, not how Sunset had been welcomed by the rest of Twilight’s family, not how things had been going downhill for her best friend at CPA and with Wallflower, not even Twilight researching what she didn't know was magic.

She even found herself talking about why she hadn't told any of them, first out of fear that they’d take Twilight away when she was the only thing keeping Sunset going, then from worry and fear about losing her best-friend-turned-girlfriend if she wasn’t careful about how and when she chose to reveal the truth, to the realization that she would have to sooner rather than later…and why she still wasn't ready right now to let everyone know.

Rainbow blinked owlishly at her when she finally exhausted herself talking, and took another drink of her soda. “Soooo…let me see if I’ve got this straight. You met the Twilight that's human like us and not a pony like you, like, the same night you tried to barbecue the Princess version, except you saved her from dirtbag rapists instead. Then she did the Twilight thing where she decides you’re friends and she wants to help you, and she did what Princess Twilight asked us to do…except she goes to the shittiest school ever with a bunch of fucking assholes, and it turns out that school—our biggest rivals—has evil magic that’s hurting her, and that’s how you knew about it…and she’s gonna be transferring here as soon as she can do it without her bitch of a principal fucking her over?”

“That's…the bare bones of it, yeah.”

One wing flexed and extended, pointing her leading flight feather like a finger at Sunset. “And somewhere in the middle of this you figured out you're gay? Bi? Wet for humans? Whatever. And now you are sucking face with her too and you bailing and have your magic go nuts was because your girl was in danger and you ran to the rescue again? And did some stuff to kick the evil magic in the face.”

Sunset pinned her ears back instinctively in both frustration and embarrassment. “We’re dating—I’m not using her to satisfy the weird monkey hormones in my body or whatever like you're making it sound. I wouldn't do that to her. She’s…she's my best friend, Dash.”

The soccer star nodded. “…I get it. It's cool, Sunset. I have a couple of questions though.”

Sunset fought the urge to crib on a thumb, and nodded, half afraid of what Dash was about to say. “Okay…?”

“How the fuck were you ever evil? Like…what the hell!?”

What? Of all the things that could have been asked, that was one that had never crossed her thoughts. “Uhhh…”

Dash gestured at her with the soda and a wing. “No, seriously, Sunset—how were you ever able to act like a bitch? Like…do the Elements…rewrite a person’s personality or something when they hit them with a rainbow laser? Because holy shit, dude!”

She shied back a little from the reaction. “I don’t—what are you talking about?”

The rainbow haired athlete just gave her a deadpan look. “Sunset. You just told me that less than a few hours after you went all ‘Rawr! I’ll get you and your little dog too!’…after being all fucked up by the rainbow thing, you jumped right into a fight against four dudes who were all bigger than you to stop them from raping a girl you didn’t know that looked just like the princess you had tried to turn into sidewalk pizza. And then you let her talk you into being friends. All in less than a day.” Rainbow made a face. “And it wasn't a fluke—you keep doing it. Like at the pep rally, or with the sirens—after we treated you like shit and didn't do what Twilight asked, and then really bombed it by only half-assing the whole friendship thing while the sirens were messing with everyone…you were sick that whole week, and you still stepped up to help save everyone. And this—you went alone into a place all messed up with evil magic for her, to protect her…” She locked eyes with Sunset. “This is you, Shimmer. The real you. And I don’t get how you could have been evil. It's not who you really are.”

For several minutes, all Sunset could do was sit in stunned silence, struggling to process her friend’s words. It was a lot to take in, especially all at once, and coming as the most recent thing in a morning that was already far too emotionally stressful made it even more so. Eventually though, she struggled to put her answer into words. It came out ragged, rough, and…maybe a touch hysterical, if she were honest with herself when she looked back later.

“I…” she started, before her voice cracked. Sunset took a long drink of the beverage in her hand. “…I don’t know…”

Rainbow frowned. “…you don't know?”

Shaking her head, the former unicorn fumbled. “It's…not like it happened overnight. I didn't just wake up one day and decide to be a heinous bitch, and I still don't understand how I’m here and not still a raging, maniacal she-demon.” She closed her eyes, pressing the heel of her hand into the depression caused by the socket in some attempt to massage out the growing pressure in her skull. “Maybe I could tell you that when you have a little filly who is full of hurt and anger every day, who wants to belong but no one wants her, that that's what happens. Maybe I could tell you that the combination of my already overpowered, unstable magic, my rage, and the want to be wanted by somepony, anypony, worked together in twisting me up until that was all that was left inside me. Maybe I could tell you that it's because other ponies treated me like a dangerous monster my whole life and eventually I decided if they wanted a monster, I would give them one. Maybe I could even tell you that some of it was from the sheer terror of being completely alone in a world where I was surrounded by violent, insane predators that like to torment each other….”

Sunset exhaled harshly. “…but the truth is…I can't really point to any of those things because I don't really know. Looking back, it wasn't about one defining moment, or even a series of little steps. I’m not even sure this is who I was when I was a very young foal.” Her head ached and her eyes felt dry and burned at the same time. “Maybe you're more right than you know. I barely understand what happened inside the Rainbow of Light…but maybe the original Sunset Shimmer died inside there…and I’m what was left over after you get rid of the rot. I don't know…”

The quiet was deafening and she opened her eyes to see Rainbow frowning at her. It was enough that the redhead’s guts squirmed. “…sorry…” she started, prepared to turn it into one of those self-deprecating jokes to diffuse the sudden tension.

Except Rainbow had other ideas. The athlete set her drink on the desk, and in the next moment abandoned the chair to flop on top of Sunset and the beanbag both. The words died in her throat as pale blue arms came around her and the former bully found herself enveloped in a full body hug. Her breath caught on the lump in her throat, and she found herself melting into the embrace, magic flickering with little tongues of crimson flame that reflected off the barrier of feathery wings that shielded her senses from the outside world. In the end, she buried her face in Rainbow’s shoulder and soaked in the way the magic felt to her perception, like laying in the damp grass after a summer thunderstorm, the air smelling of ozone and earth and water and life, all the heaviness taken away with the clouds.

The hug lasted for a long time, mostly in that strange silence under a sky of feathers, before Rainbow said anything. “…and maybe none of that matters because this is who you were always supposed to be: our friend, Twilight’s girlfriend, and a super awesome person.”

It…felt good, the short, blunt support from a friend who didn't waste her time with flattery. Dash always said exactly what was on her mind and it always reflected how she felt, even if she downplayed it. “…Thanks, Dash. I…needed…all of this.”

“We’re friends, Shimmer. Maybe I didn't do the best in the beginning, but I’m gonna do my best now. Even if your girl is your bestie, we’re still solid.”

Sunset laughed, dropping her head back. “You know, maybe you should be careful talking like that and let me up, before I have to worry that Twilight has some competition.”

Pushing herself up, Dash swatted her shoulder with one wing. “In your dreams, Shimmer.”

“Hardly,” Sunset said with dry humor, batting the wing away gently with her palm. “We’d kill each other inside a week—not exactly what I’d call my idea of a fantasy romance.”

The other girl guffawed. “Too right,” she snickered as she shook out her wings and folded them against her back. “Besides, if we’re being real, that's the one kind of competition I’d rather not even be involved in. Totally not my thing.”

Shuffling to readjust on the beanbag now that Dash was flopping back in the chair, Sunset shrugged. “I understand that; with the exception of Twilight—my Twilight, not the princess—humans just…don't do it for me. Your species is ugly, and you're all nuts.”

“You're just jealous because we have thumbs.”

Arching a brow as she fished out another danish from the bag, Sunset snarked, “Dash, fingers are the only thing humans have that I’m jealous of.”

Brightly colored brows waggled at her. “Your Twilight's got some good finger game then?”

Sunset choked with embarrassed laughter, face going red. “Rainbow!” she shrieked, tossing a balled up napkin at her friend. “For your information, I wouldn't know. We…haven't…”

“But you totally want to. I can see it in your face, Shimmer, don’t lie.”

Ears burning, she shrugged as an answer that wasn't an answer. Rainbow shook her head. “Hey, I get it. Just because I only care to rub one out like once a year doesn't mean I can't recognize that the princess is cute, and that means an even bigger egghead version probably has that sexy repressed librarian thing going on…plus youre smoking hot. I’m ace, not blind.” She winked at Sunset and shot her a pair of finger-guns.

The former unicorn groaned. “Please don't tell me this is going to be every talk with you now—it's still a secret.” Her shoulders slumped. “A secret that is making telling everyone about yesterday hard. I still feel like I owe her the whole story before I spill it to the other girls.”

Dash cocked her head. “So don't tell them the secret stuff.” She ran a hand through her hair. “You're allowed to have secrets, Sunset, even from your friends. It's okay, as long as the secret is something that won't hurt anyone or put anyone in danger. Far as I can tell, the important part is the evil magic at Crystal Prep that's attacking people, not that you know the human Twilight or that you guys want to play tonsil hockey on weekends. The magic part is the big deal, and that would be the same if the person who got attacked was some dude named like Number Cruncher or Yardline, and you guys were just bros who kick each other’s ass at Smash.”

Blinking, Sunset thought it over. “…that…maybe that could work…” then she grimaced. “Until Rarity decided she wanted to know more. She’s already tried to get nosy about my ‘love life’ when there wasn't one, and something like a friend I won't talk about is going to make her go right to the idea that it's some kind of illicit affair. Which it's not. Sparky’s not out, and I’m still trying to figure out how to prove magic is real and explain I’m a unicorn in a way that doesnt risk setting her house on fire.”

“Would you chill?” Dash rolled her eyes. “I got your back on this, Shimmer. You just focus on telling everyone the important parts, and I’ll handle my part. That's what you do when you're part of a team.”

Rubbing her face, Sunset started mulling it over. “…okay…” She started trying to piece together exactly what she wanted to say, falling into comfortable silence for a while.

Until Dash broke it.

“…so I gotta know…your Twilight got like…a bubble butt? Since you said you're kind of an ass girl?”

“Dash!”

“What?! It's an honest question! You told us ponies like big butts!”

“…”

“Sunset? C’mon, I was just messing with you.”

“…”

“Shimmer?”

“…yes, okay? Her butt is super distracting, especially when she wears this one pair of pajama pants, and if you ever tell anyone I said that, they will never find your body.”

The sound of Rainbow’s laughter rang through the small room.

*chuckles*

So how many of you actually remembered that conversation with Rainbow from back in like chapter 22? I didn't forget it, and it was all leading to this. Bruhahah.

As usual, lots to unpack. We've got Sunny gnashing her teeth over her baggage--she wants to get rid of it, but she cant seem to toss it...

One of these days I need to get around to doing a Behind the Scenes thing on Equestrian Culture in Rubicon, because the whole thing makes more sense when you factor in how much cultural emphasis ponies place on family.

Sunset’s monologue about her history and sense of self really addresses how much she’s changed…and also just how complex people can be. We are the product of our total experience, and after even a few years, thats a lot of events, people, relationships, and variables all affecting us a little at a time. It also draws attention to something that spawned her entire character arc in this and honestly, a good portion of Rubicon as a story: the change in who she was in the first movie to who she becomes by Friendship Games. The question of who is the real Sunset, and if who she ends up being is the real her, then what twisted her up so bad in the first place?

Then we have RD. Who pretty much wrote herself in this chapter, right down to being someone who doesn't know how to sit normally in a chair.

All joking aside, it does touch on something about Rubicon Dash that I've not mentioned before now. The uncomfortable flipside to Loyalty is that people take advantage of it. Not a minority, or sometimes, but a lot. A lot of people, when they realize someone is unendingly loyal, use and abuse that, because they know that it takes a hell of a lot more for that person to bail on them, so they can get away with it for longer. Whether its canceling plans or throwing them under the proverbial bus when others put forth impossible choices, or even just to avoid conflict, it happens, and it hurts.

So people who are loyal like Rainbow learn to be selective from a need to protect themselves. They put up layers of emotional walls. They are picky about who they become friends with. A lot of times they have....tiers of friendship, categorized by trust levels. In Dash, this seems to manifest in her tendency to avoid getting too emotionally invested in a lot of individuals, because once she does, she will move mountains if she has to...but this lack of emotional investiture means that the concept of romantic relationships are...not a thing she's going to let herself have easily, if at all. Friendship is one thing--there's still boundaries and distance and a sense of "I can just go home." Romance puts someone else so deeply inside one's own personal bubble that you can't help but bump up against them...

And that's just something I can't see Dash being able to do...connect with someone that way, not with any expediency. She feels like IF she did (and its a big IF) that it would be the kind of relationship that would take decades to get anywhere close to romantic. Far longer than this story, and the epitome of "slow burn." Not to mention, it would have to be with someone who didn't compete with her on any level--she's the kind of person who does not like losing out, and its hard to have a relationship with anyone when its nothing but endless competitions.

Plus, she's extremely tomboyish and competitive, and from what I've seen appears completely immune to any kind of attraction...so for Rubicon, she's written as Aro/Ace. Not sex repulsed, but just...that Asexual/Aromantic person who thinks dick jokes are hilarious because they make people so goddamned flustered and embarrassed.

Because they do.

....Poor Sparky is in for it eventually. There's going to be soooo many horse jokes.