Soft murmuring tickled Sunset’s ears as she lay cuddled up under the blankets with Twilight. The younger girl was dozing off in sleepy contentment, nuzzling her face into Sunset’s chest. Warm and drowsy, wrapped in blankets to ward off the night’s chill, the former unicorn savored the way her companion was cuddled up to her, even if her slow breaths tickled when they brushed across bare skin. Yet despite the warm lassitude that had stolen over her, Sunset felt wide awake.

The redhead knew she needed to sleep—she only had seven hours until her alarm would wake her up…and she couldn't afford to hit the snooze button. Not if she wanted to make it to the park in time for what was likely to be a very stressful and busy day, since she was the one handling all the coordination of volunteer teams, supplies, refreshments, and all the other administrative details that went into such a complex project. Many of those duties required a polite smile and talking to a lot of people and giving orders—not something Fluttershy was suited to at all, so Sunset had taken them on. She was just lucky she was good at it.

Princess Celestia’s lessons hadn’t entirely fallen on deaf ears, after all.

Which wouldn’t amount to much if she didn’t get any sleep.

Sunset wasn’t sure why she was finding it so hard to follow her girlfriend into slumber. She could tell she was tired from a long day—a long week, really—but her consciousness hovered frustratingly in that place between active wakefulness and sleep, as if the relaxed contentment from kissing Twilight breathless had somehow sated her body’s need to rest. The very concept seemed asinine, but it was the only explanation she could come up with that felt even close to accurate.

Her mind drifted over the day, settling on the events of the pep rally and the conversation with her girlfriend’s family about it all, since it had continued into dinner when everyone else had arrived….

“That’s pretty impressive,” Shining said, pointing to Sunset with a fork. “Rallying the whole school to support you without anyone finding out? Your student council has a hell of a future in politics if they can do that.”

Cadence rolled her eyes. “I don't think that's the takeaway from this, Shiny,” she told him. Her gaze fell on Sunset. “It's really exciting to hear that you and all your friends will be together on the team! It sounds like the CPA team will have to bring their A-Game if they want to win.”

“Yeah…” Sunset shrugged. “I don't think we really expect much. I don't understand this…school rivalry…thing…but we’re going to do our best with what we have. I mean, Dash is the fastest person I’ve ever met, and I’m a little scared to know how strong AJ actually is…and then there’s Pinkie. I’m…not sure she abides by the laws of physics sometimes, like even the fabric of the universe decided that it's best just not to ask, you know?”

Her question got a laugh out of Night Light. “I think we’ve all met someone like that!” He chuckled and turned towards his wife. “Remember Rake?”

“From college?” Velvet smiled fondly. “Of course I remember him. I’m still convinced he was made of rubber.”

“He would almost have to have been, with all the stunts he walked away from.” Night laughed again at the memories, before his attention returned to Sunset. “I guess it's a good thing you nixed the idea for you girls to play hooky that day!”

Sunset had almost forgotten about that. “…yeah, probably wouldn't look too good if I had skipped out after everything the other kids at school did to vote me onto the team…I’m still not sure how they did it without me hearing anything. Even the girls were in the dark.”

Night took a sip of his iced tea, nodding. “Well, even though we won't be there, this family is rooting for your team. If both of you were on the teams at your schools, we’d have to root for both teams, and I’m sure somewhere someone would call that a conflict of interest.” He winked, indicating it was a joke.

“Especially for a couple of Crystal Prep Alumni,” Velvet pointed out dryly.

The redhead took the chance to tease her girlfriend, poking her in the shoulder with a breadstick. “Guess we’re lucky that you're not interested in sporting competitions, right, Sparky?”

Twilight blinked up at her, startled. “Why do you say that?”

“Because,” Sunset told her with a playful smirk. “You're already the smartest person I’ve ever met—if you brought even half as much talent and enthusiasm to sporting events, I’d say CHS should forfeit now.”

Ducking her head, the younger girl looked flustered. “I—but—Sunny…” she spluttered, then realized that Sunset was clearly teasing. She swatted her shoulder. “Last I checked, you're no slouch—I’d say that with you on the Canterlot team, CPA is going to have to work to keep the title.” Her voice was quiet, and something about it felt off, but Sunset couldn't tell why, and resolved to bring it up later…

“I wouldn't go that far, but I do intend to try my best.”

Velvet smiled. “Consider us ‘Team Sunset’ then,” she said with a warm smile. “Now, who wants dessert? I made brownies to celebrate.”

The open support and excitement they showed for events in her life felt good in a way that called to mind the days before her relationship with Celestia had degraded into constant arguments and endless frustration. It made her want to embrace the family she was being offered with open arms and no reservations…but she held herself back still. They didn't know who Sunset Shimmer was…who and what she had been, and the true depths of her darkness. This wasn't quite like Twilight’s anxiety induced fear of coming out—there were similarities, sure, but there were plenty of examples in the world of other humans who preferred one gender over the other in a romantic way. As far as she knew, she was the only Equestrian unicorn who had been exiled into this world after being so twisted and evil that she’d transformed into a demon.

Letting out a slow breath, her grip tightening around Twilight’s body, pressing the smaller form deeper into her embrace. Reading the mysterious journal had offered her unpleasant enlightenment on the human perspective on demons, and talking with her friends had solidified a lot of what she’d read as accurate to human beliefs. For all humans were capable of being far more savage and violent, it was one area they seemed to share pony views on: that demons were utterly horrific and regarded with a mixture of fear and disgust. This even extended, or so her history class had taught her, to other humans even loosely suspected of cavorting around with demonic beings—even unproven, they still executed thousands of people over the last millennia or more for suspicion alone.

Sunset shivered. Reading The Crucible had left her with nightmares for weeks the year before.

And she had become one. Human beliefs aside, pony research had always been clear. It required a truly warped and damaged soul and a lot of power to trigger such a transformation—part of her questioned still if that was why Celestia had kept her at arm’s length for so many years, if the Solar Ruler could see the path she was on, and what she would become…

Morosely, Sunset stared at the model of the solar system hanging down from the ceiling. She was a disaster and dangerous, and had been even before she’d put on the Crown and her soul's state had reconfigured its vessel to better reflect its nature. That had been the reason so many foals in her years at CSGU had avoided her, mocked her, teased her, feared her…

Whispers of memory tickled her ears, accusations and speculation from young unicorns about her ancestry…the most harmless had been to suggest other pony tribes in her background, but there had been some who suggested the reason for her horn’s curve, curling, fluffy coat, and instinctive affinity for fire magic in her unstable core had been from a far more disturbing source. What that source was had varied with the teller...dragons, Sunblaze Salamanders, Fire Elementals…one particularly inventive student had once wondered if one of her ancestors had had a liaison with one of the fox-folk, as impossible as that would have been. New students were nice enough at first, but to the very last that had changed when they learned the truth of her: fiery surges, an unwanted orphan with no family that would have her, and of course, her terrible temper.

Then they couldn't avoid her fast enough.

Her human friends were better, but they’d beaten the demon, seen the monster inside her defeated, though she wondered…

No. That thought was not worth dwelling on, not here and now.

Still, it made Sunset worry and wonder…

Would Night and Velvet, and their happy, welcoming, generous family…be quite so when they learned all she had hidden from them? When they found out about the demon and violence, about the fact that she wasn't really the person they believed her to be, but the pony they had never imagined? Would they tell her it was okay and they still wanted her…or would they shy away from having such a terrible black mark near their family tapestry? She certainly couldn't think of a pony that would want their family’s good standing ruined by the inclusion of such a disgraceful mare with a nightmarish history and the shame of exile hanging over her head.

…and there was a worse option, the dark, negative corners of her mind reminded her, dragging up Twilight’s insistence on keeping her word to give Sunset space, even in the face of events where no one would have blamed her for calling for help—or at least company—from her best friend, and the way her parents had acquiesced to that insistence. What if…she told them, and they felt an obligation to not go back on what they’d already said, regardless of how it made them feel? Twilight had not come by her belief in keeping her word in a vacuum, after all.

The former bully pressed her face into Twilight’s hair. She was not ignorant of her flaws the way she had once been—how could she be when the Elements and the Rainbow had laid them bare, made her see the truth of herself and left her soul raw and bleeding from the experience? It meant she knew the unpleasant truth…

The truth was, in some deep seeded, desperate corner of her psyche, she was still the orphan filly who would give anything to be part of a family, who Wanted to belong with every ounce of who she was. For all the changes she’d struggled to make, she was still the foal who had clung so tight to the hope that if she did enough, Princess Celestia would want her, and pushed for that despite every indication to the contrary, despite all the ugliness, and fights, and the terrible truth that other ponies kept repeating to her that she never listened to…

Sunset wanted to tell them the truth. She wanted to spill her secrets, all of them, to Twilight, and then to Night and Velvet, Cadence and Shining, and even deeper, she ached for them to tell her that none of it mattered, that they still wanted her as part of their family…that Twilight still wanted to be her girlfriend…that she didn't need Equestria, because she could have her heart’s desire and then some, right here in the world of man.

She Wanted it so badly that it terrified her.

Because the unicorn-turned-teen-girl knew herself, knew the lengths she had been willing to go to in the past when she Desired something that strongly. Last time, it had eaten her alive, had twisted her into a heinous monster driven only by that hungering, soul deep Want, even before she’d stolen the Element of Magic.

In a way, that was what frightened her the most: wanting something that badly again, and then having it snatched away at the last second when she believed it was finally hers. It was why she was hesitant about truly accepting the family saying she was one of them, why she had been avoiding the subject of her growing attachment to Twilight, and, she admitted to herself in the dark of the night, the reason she was so unsettled by what had happened with the school and the vote for the Games Team competitors.

After so many times of the universe twisting the knife when she had just begun to think things were going her way, she couldn't just blindly trust. Anything that felt too good to be true usually was, especially for the mare named Sunset Shimmer.

In her arms, Twilight let out a sleepy sigh and shifted, nuzzling into her chest more. “…Sunny…” came the happy sound from the sleeping girl.

Sunset’s lips quirked into a faint smile, unable to resist—the affection in her sleep from Twilight was sweet and achingly wonderful. Amber fingers ran through dark hair lightly. “I’m right here, Sparky,” she breathed. “I’ll always be here, as long as you want me…” Even though Twilight was asleep, it felt right to say, and some of her voice and touch must have communicated to the other teen’s sleeping mind, because she relaxed, settling into a deeper sleep.

Okay, so maybe there was one person in her life that maybe she felt she could trust to not pull the rug out from under her at the last moment. She just had to convince her brain of that.

Her mind drifted, the subject of trust dredging up a subject of their earlier talk when they’d retreated to Twilight’s room, where she’d finally had to explain what she had meant when she mentioned Wallflower in the kitchen…

Stretched out on the bed together with Twilight's back to Sunset’s front after some very satisfying ‘I missed you’ kisses, Sunset was enjoying the simple pleasure of holding her girlfriend close. Twilight was idly tracing patterns on the arm wrapped around her waist. “Sunset?” came the hesitant query. “…what did you mean about Wallflower trying to dig up dirt on you?”

Sunset sighed. “I only know what Lyra told me, because she was concerned. According to her, a friend from Crystal Prep had started calling her out of nowhere, asking her about me. Asking what she thought, what I was like, if she knew about any dark secrets or gossip or ‘if I dated a lot of different people at CHS.’ Lyra was worried because, according to her, this friend sounded angry and upset, but also at one point if she knew anything about me and you.” The fingers tracing over her arm stilled. “That's when I asked if the friend in question was Wallflower, since as far as I know, she’s the only one who goes to your school that even knows we’re friends.”

“…and Lyra confirmed it?” Twilight sounded tired and sad as she asked the question.

Wincing in guilt, Sunset squeezed her tight in a hug. “Yeah. Explained to me that the three of you and another girl—Moonprancer?—were friends when Lyra was at CPA.”

“Moondancer,” Twilight corrected, before rolling over so she could face Sunset. “I’m sorry, Sunset…I didn't think she’d go that far.”

The redhead leaned her face down to kiss her girlfriend. “Hey…it's okay. The bad stuff I did is already public knowledge anyway, and you know about most of the worst of it. She’s not going to be able to dig up anything she can use against me with you…and other than the mess at the Fall Formal, I was always really careful about not actively breaking any rules or laws. Besides, from the way Lyra was talking, it sounded like she told Wallflower to take a long run off a short steppe.”

Purple eyes scrutinized her. “But she and Wallflower are friends…why would she do that?”

For a minute, Sunset considered whether or not to tell the whole truth. In the end, she decided honesty was her best defense against Wallflower’s antics. “I don't know for certain, but it sounded like Wallflower used the same kind of derogatory slang about me to Lyra…who is pretty openly dating this girl at our school named Bon-Bon.” She shrugged. “I’m guessing she felt pretty much like you did about the terms.”

Twilight blinked, and Sunset could practically hear the gears turning in her head as she processed that information. Sudden realization flashed across Twilight’s face and her eyes narrowed. “That…that..” The sound that escaped her throat was surprisingly like the sounds that Sunset herself tended to make when she was frustrated.

Hearing a sound that was pony-like to that degree coming from the younger girl was somewhat surreal, but it was also…adorable…and probably more interesting to her than it should have been. Sunset dipped her chin down to kiss Twilight before she could stop herself.

It definitely prevented Twilight from finishing the sentence and voicing whatever caustic thing she’d been about to call Wallflower. While it probably wouldn't have been undeserved, Sunset felt like it was better if she didn't, simply because Twilight would likely feel bad about it later. So she deepened the kiss until her girlfriend’s hands started to wander…

Looking fondly down at Twilight, who was smiling in her sleep, Sunset sighed. Twilight had told her all about the confrontation with Wallflower, about the boundaries she’d laid out and how the girl had reacted to both those and Twilight’s scuffle with the boy at her school…and then talked extensively on how she didn't want to just give up on her friendship with Wallflower. She still wanted to give the green haired girl a chance to change how she acted—or at least, to respect the boundaries Twilight had set.

Sunset worried about the whole mess. She wasn't stupid, and she’d observed this kind of thing enough in her time ruling the school to know where it was headed. Wallflower had already made up her mind, and from Twilight’s recounting of events, she had not cared for the boundaries that were set or how Twilight had responded to what she had said about the behaviors of the other students. Which meant this was going to go one of two ways: either Twilight’s friendship with Wallflower would fizzle out and die, or it would get progressively more fractured and turbulent, until it came down to one of them—likely Wallflower—issuing the inevitable ultimatum.

There was little doubt regarding the response to something like that. No one ever sided with the person issuing the ultimatum, not that she had seen.

The former unicorn hated that. Twilight was going to get hurt, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. Anything she could try to do beyond providing emotional support would only make things worse, because she was Wallflower’s main point of contention, and she wasn't willing to sacrifice her own relationship with Twilight to appease the mean spirited girl who was starting to feel more and more like an entitled brat.

It was definitely not something she was looking forward to, but at least there seemed to be a silver lining to the impending storm: Lyra. Due to Wallflower, Twilight would be given the chance to reconnect with an old friend…a friend who was a mutual friend of Sunset’s, which meant the events with Wallflower wouldn't be repeated.

Thank the sun, stars, and little green parasprites for that.

Of course, Twilight was anxious about it, which was why Sunset was playing the messenger and going to be present when she and Lyra met up. Not that the redhead minded. More time with her girlfriend was a good thing, especially since both of their schedules had gotten so overwhelmingly busy this semester…

Twilight had that uncomfortable look on her face that Sunset knew meant she was winding herself up. “What’s wrong, Sparky? Do you…not want to reconnect with Lyra?”

“No!” Toning her voice down, Twilight’s face darkened with embarrassment. “No, nothing like that. In fact, I’ve missed Lyra. She was…cheery, even if her fascination was cryptozoology, which mostly contains hoaxes and misidentified creatures, but likely also includes a few undocumented creatures and extant members of long thought extinct species. She was quite adept at brightening the room and she never said anything unkind about any of us, even when we sometimes didn't listen to what she was talking about.” She bit her lip.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Sagging against Sunset, she mumbled into amber skin. “…what if she doesn't like the person I am now? Wallflower doesn't.”

Biting back the urge to point out that Wallflower was a snobby, stuck up, entitled rich brat with an entire bugbear stuffed up her tailpipe stinger first, Sunset rubbed fingers along the back of her neck. “Lyra isn’t Wallflower…in fact, do you know what she said when she learned you were my best friend?”

Purple eyes looked up at her, and Twilight sniffled a bit, looking more stressed than Sunset had first thought. “…what?”

“She told me she was super glad to hear that you and I were friends, because she thought you could ‘do to have a friend that didn't go to Crystal Prep.’” Sunset winked. “Given how unpleasant most of your schoolmates sound, I can understand why she said that.” She kissed Twilight’s nose affectionately. “Lyra is glad to hear you are happy and have friends that make you happy…and I think she really wants to be one of those friends if you’ll let her.”

Twilight scrubbed at her eyes. “I’d like that…I…I’m just worried that she will see how different I am from the end of ninth grade…”

A finger over her lips cut her off. “Lyra likes you for the person you are, Twilight, not how you act. Trust me, I think she’ll celebrate the changes, not fear them, because they came from you being happier and more sure of yourself.”

Now the smaller girl was smiling slightly up at Sunset. “…I like who I am now,” she confessed. “I don't have panic attacks nearly as often, and my anxiety is better, mostly.” She paused, biting her lip again. “It would be nice to have a friend who knew me from before be happy for me. I know my family is supportive and all, but…”

“It's not the same as a friend? It’s okay, Sparky, I get it. Believe me, all things considered, I absolutely get that.” The two of them shared a quiet laugh, less from humor but as a release of tension. “Look,” Sunset said after the giggles faded, “if you want, I can go with you when you meet up with Lyra as emotional support or just to give her a second person to talk about manticore and dragons and yeti with so she doesn't talk your ears off.”

Her girlfriend tilted her head. “…you don't mind all of that when she does, do you? A lot of people have made fun of her for it.”

Sunset snorted. “Mind?” Technically the only thing she minded was when the monster was an actual Equestrian creature and the human info on them was wrong. Like minotaur. Or manticore. Or unicorns and pegasi—especially unicorns and pegasi, considering they were her own species. And then she just explained where the information was wrong, and Lyra would ask all kinds of questions about Equestrian Arcanozoology. “Not really. Some of it is a little out there, and not backed up by any kinds of facts, but…” she hesitated, then decided to test Twilight’s response. “…the world is a big place, and humans aren't everywhere all the time with cameras. How can we say that some of these things don't exist? Weren’t gorillas undiscovered and considered a hoax until like eighteen fifty?”

“Eighteen forty-seven,” Twilight clarified. “Nineteen oh-two for the mountain gorilla. And you are right—absence of evidence is not necessarily evidence of absence. Some cryptids are very much hoaxes, but there are plenty that match extinct fauna, and several more consistent and long lasting sightings have turned out to be true. We discover dozens of new species every year, and that's just on Earth.” She rested her head back against Sunset’s chest. “I’m glad that you give her the chance to talk about it…I know how she felt when people would shut her down.”

The former unicorn frowned, knowing what Twilight meant. “Which is…not something I would do. Honestly, back…where I used to live…stories about things like dragons and monsters were…pretty common.” Because they were real. “…so I guess her talking about that stuff is…kind of…nice. Maybe a little nostalgic?”

With the way Twilight kissed her after that suggested that Sunset had said exactly the right things.

Sunset shifted, wriggling her way deeper into the warm covers, making a mental note to catch Lyra at some point either at the park or at school to pass along Twilight’s invitation to get milkshakes after school next week.

All in all, it had actually been an okay, if weird, day, and it had ended on a high note….and a pretty intense make-out session with her girlfriend, so Sunset wasn't about to complain. Plus she’d decided what to do about the Games Team, and felt pretty confident in her choice, so she wasn't worried about the weekend or Monday.

She smiled, yawned, and pressed a drowsy kiss to the top of Twilight’s head. With the matter of what she was going to do about the Friendship Games solved, and all the emotions that it had brought up around the competition, she was really glad that Twilight had been spared the insanity that was the massive showdown between their schools. The dark haired girl wasn't even going to be in the audience, since that seemed to be reserved for mostly seniors. Twilight would be well away from it all, and maybe the day of the Games themselves would give her a respite from all the toxicity of her classmates since they'd be focused on hating CHS.

Her sleepy mind laughed as she settled into unconsciousness, and her last thought was that she was thankful that she wouldn't be put in the position of facing her girlfriend across the divide between the two schools.

Ah, the late night mental crisis. I know it far too well, lol.

Sunset's got a lot on her plate, it seems. And a lot of doubt and old fear.

Just as a warning, I may have to take a few weeks off from posting in August. My mother is going into her last year as an Elementary School Librarian before she retires, but its also a hectic year where the school has been told "do more with even less", and that means she might need help setting things up and making it so she can still do her job when half her library (yes, HALF, including her storage room, office, and picture book section) have been taken to be haphazardly made into office spaces for various people from admin, and a reading room for a reading specialist. Its got her kinda stressed, and I might need to put my attention on that, which is likely to leave my butt exhausted and wiped out. If that's the case, it would only be a few weeks, just enough to get her through the "setup" that goes on before school starts for the kids.

I'm just glad its her last year. She's retiring at the end of it.

Anyway...

Look at Twilight, being shifty. Sunset's noticed something is off, but then she forgot with all the other stuff going on.

Oops.