Cross the Rubicon: Choices
Chapter 159: Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Three: ...But Keep The Old?
Previous Chapter Next Chapter“Can you believe the nerve of her? It wasn't enough that she pushed him out of his lab—she had to completely eliminate her competition.” The voice was hissed, but at not so quiet a volume that Twilight couldn't hear it.
Another person, just as waspish sounding as the first, responded, “I heard it was worse than that. I heard that he was going to replace her on the Games team—which would make sense, since a senior is a way better choice for the team than some stuck up little girl who should still be a freshman. But little Princess Sparkle wasn't going to let that happen.”
Twilight cringed internally, but there was no way to tune out the chatter from all around her. She wanted to, badly, so she could focus on studying for the upcoming test…but the snippets of basic conversational Italian were too hard to ignore when she knew they were talking about her.
“What I don't understand is why she’s even still on the Games team when she got suspended.”
To be fair, Twilight didn’t understand that either—she would have been happy if last week’s events had meant her removal from the Friendship Games team.
“Oh, didn't you hear? Guess who showed up holding Princess Sparkle’s hand this morning and had a long meeting with the principal?”
Another voice interjected. “Heard? I saw them. Her dad had this briefcase he was carrying around, and he looked mad.”
“Wow. How much do you want to bet the briefcase had cash in it?”
It didn't, Twilight thought sourly. It was paperwork, and the recording device. Yet she said nothing—there was little point, given that no one would listen to her anyway. She frowned and struggled to tune it out, glancing to see if the teacher was paying any attention to what was going on. He wasn't. Ignoring the chatter earned her about five minutes of peace before the sharp voices intruded on her awareness again.
“…the money has to come from somewhere. Jeweled said that she heard its a mob connection.”
“The mob? Isn't her dad some nerdy professor not good enough for one of the real universities?”
Her father was plenty good enough for the larger universities, she seethed. He had turned down offers several times because the family didn't want to move. And the mob? Seriously? Where did the rumor mill come up with this stuff?
“…brother’s on the take because he’s engaged to a mob boss’ daughter…”
This wasn't the movies, it was real life. Did they realize how bizarre and outlandish what they were saying was?
Twilight forced herself to take several deep breaths, fighting both the rising anxiety and the urge to correct gross misinformation being spewed by her classmates. Especially since they were talking badly about her family, making baseless and slanderous statements that implicated them in being involved with highly illegal activities. Implications that would see her brother under investigation at his job if they said it to the wrong person—it didn't matter that it was completely false, IA would be required to look into it, and it would be on his record forever, all because Suri Polomare and her gang of harpies had been pushing this narrative since Twilight had destroyed the bell curve one of her math exams her freshman year, a class that the older girl had failed. Because in Suri’s mind, it wasn't her own preference of going out with friends instead of doing homework or studying that caused her poor grades—somehow, it was the fault of people who did, as though only so many people were allowed passing grades or something.
“…maybe Hyades wanted a little something since she took his lab and his spot on the team too!”
Great. Now they’d abandoned all pretense of pretending to be practicing their Italian in favor of just gossip.
The worst part was, Twilight hadn't even shared an actual class period with Suri in freshman year—only the same math course and level. And none of their other classes had corresponded, so Twilight couldn't have been responsible for her failing the next two years in a row…in most of her classes. How embarrassing was it that Suri was making an attempt at her senior year for the third time? Only the money her family continued pouring into the school kept the girl from being encouraged to go to another school—facts Wallflower had been overly eager to share when she’d finally discovered the why behind Suri’s long standing campaign of bullying against Twilight (and Moondancer) a few weeks prior.
“…Lime said she heard from Tropical that her boyfriend was in Mr. Angle’s math class when it all happened and he saw Sparkle flirting with Hyades in the hall….”
None of that mattered to anyone else though. Suri was reasonably popular, and had friends in the right places, while Twilight was antisocial, quiet, and preferred books to people more often than not. She could stand up and show them a recording of the truth, and they’d just assume she had doctored the video, because popularity talked, and no one at CPA really cared about anything beyond their own successes and tearing down anyone they saw as competition.
Like a junior who had skipped two grades and was still the top scoring academic in school in every class she was in except for gym.
Not to mention, if the dark haired girl had stood up and spoken out, they’d know that it bothered her, and they would up their level of harassment. Sunset had put it best, once, when they had talked about the bullying the redhead had received at her school over the fall.
“But why didn't you tell a teacher, or the principals?” Twilight had asked.
Sunset’s smile had been pained. “Because, Sparky, in my experience, it's always been me against everyone else. Who are the teachers going to believe? The girl who wrecked the Fall Formal? Or everyone else? How was I supposed to know that Miss Luna and Principal Celestia wouldn’t do the same thing adults have always done?” She shook her head. “Besides…reacting…reacting shows them your weak spot. The break in your shields…and they’ll come at them harder and harder until they break you. I refuse to let anyone break me. I didn't let them break me at CSGU, and I refuse to let them now. Principal Celestia stopped the locker graffiti and other stuff…and I've lived with ugly words my whole life. I can deal with it words as long as I have you and the girls.”
Her girlfriend had a point, and Twilight had taken it to heart. If they saw her react, they would try even harder. She’d pushed it too far already when she’d confronted Suri in the locker room. So she said nothing, ignoring the harsh voices that had given up all pretense of subtlety and where no longer whispers.
“…I figure her place on the team is one of those quota things. Look at her. There's got to be something messed up about her head—everyone knows she has medication and that she has those freaky meltdowns sometimes. My dad thinks she's actually retarded and that her parents' money pays for her grades and to make everyone think she's smart.”
“Nah…she's smart, but it's like that old movie with that guy. What was it…Rainmaker?”
“That’s Rain Man, idiot.”
“Yeah that one. Where the guy is like retarded about anything except, like, numbers. So like, Sparkle is smart with math and science and books, but she’s stupid when it comes to anything else.”
A girl nearby laughed nastily. “Yeah, like being human.”
That bit hurt more than she would have liked, not because the opinions of her peers truly mattered that much…but because the words had bypassed any defenses to spear deeply right into one of Twilight’s secret insecurities. It was something that she’d barely even mentioned to her therapist and never to her family.
The feeling that she was some kind of imposter, pretending to be human and failing at it.
It had started when she was little, when she’d come across a book of “fairytales” accidentally left behind by her aunt. Unlike the normal variants written for young children, of princesses awoken from enchanted sleep by handsome princes, or sword wielding felines with excellent taste in footwear defeating evil ogres, this had been closer to the original folklore. Dark, cautionary tales on the dangers of the strange Other, the Unknown, of the beings who dwelled just beyond the edge of civilization…
Creatures called by so many names: fae, dark elf, dwarves, brownies, sidhe, the children of Oberon, the Third Race…
Changelings.
Of course, to her young mind, it had just been seen as a neat looking storybook she’d never read, which had prompted a young Twilight to dive right in. For the most part, it had simply been…darker, somewhat unsettling versions of familiar stories. Until her child-self had stumbled across the tales of Changeling Children; those tales of human infants stolen from their cradles and replaced by a fae-child in some macabre exchange only understood by the fae themselves. It was often children who were deeply wanted and loved by their parents who were taken, exchanged for fae infants who grew either wild and uncontrollable…or in some cases were far more intelligent than they should be at a given age, but incapable of comprehending emotional warmth and social norms that made humans…human. In either case, the inhuman child unsettled their peers and did not fit into the human social groups well at all.
It had been like reading a description about herself, and it had all come together in her child’s mind very neatly, feeling like it explained everything. Why she was so different, and had no friends and why no one wanted to be around her except her family and the occasional teacher.
Her parents had been quick to step in when they found her staring blankly at the page and crying—Twilight was unsure how long she’d sat like that, her mind swirling and racing, before they came in. Night Light had taken the book away, some choice words for his sister on a very upset phone-call that same evening about the book she’d so carelessly left behind.
Or had it been deliberate? Twilight was never sure. Her aunt was strange, invested in the esoteric and mystical of ‘New Age’ beliefs, and something like that meant she might have made the same connection.
In the end, it had prompted her mother to buy and present her with the first of many psychological texts (age appropriate, of course), and for both her parents to reassure her that such fairy stories were just that, stories from a long ago time.
The books stressed that for all she was different, she was still a person. Her brain just worked differently to most people, and that didn't make her less, or Other…just someone with different struggles.
She knew better now, of course, that her parents had been right, and her own delving into the way myth and folklore worked made Twilight understand that labeling people with neurodivergence or mental health problems as things like changelings or possessed was just the way people had tried to explain what they didn’t understand. Silly things like magic and fairies and goblins, dragons and demons and unicorns…they were nothing but fiction and fanciful imaginings of the human mind.
But sometimes…usually when she was struggling the most with trying to understand people…Twilight couldn't help but feel that unpleasant sensation of Otherness…of being an Outsider…creep up on her, and a tiny, scared voice in her mind whispered ‘what if?’ in her ear.
Which meant that hearing such a statement, right now, hurt in a way she wasn’t expecting, and she had to squeeze her eyes shut to focus on breathing away her distress quietly so they wouldn't catch on, all while feeling desperate for the bell to ring so she could get somewhere away from the whispers in the hall, away from the accusations and rumors and prying eyes. Even if it meant dealing with Wallflower, the relative safety of her lab seemed like a paradise by comparison to what the rest of the school was like.
“…let her get away with it?”
“It's like Suri always says, Viola…her parents—”
Whatever the girl was going to say about Twilight’s parents went unheard as the shrill sound of the bell drowned out any other noise. The dark haired teen packed her things quickly—though she waited long enough for the bulk of the students to exit the classroom before she made her own escape into the hall, doing her best to disappear into the shadows and faceless crowd.
It kept her from being accosted, but it did nothing to stop the whispers. She could still hear them, far too clearly, each separate vein of nastiness feeling like it was spoken directly into her ear.
“…heard it was all a way to take out competition.”
“Me too—Hyades did edge her out in a few exams this year. Maybe the little princess isnt the smartest—she just gets rid of anyone better.”
“Yeah, like that other nerd…Moonflitter? Moonraker? Whatever. The one that was just as much a freak as Princess Sparkle. Notice she didn't come back this year….”
Twilight continued to do her best to ignore it all, focusing on getting to the lab as quickly but unobtrusively as possible, struggling to breathe right, to keep all the hurt and anger and anxiety that was stewing inside her from boiling out.
“…connections with the Board of Education…”
“I thought it was the mob?”
“You're both wrong. Its the city council. Blue said…”
“…said she overheard the parent’s threatening to send her to another school if Principal Cinch didn't meet their demands…”
The lab wasn't far away, only two more stretches of hallway, but given that this wing was predominantly the domain of the seniors made it a harrowing stretch…with a ‘sanctuary’ at the end that felt like little more than the lesser of two evils than any kind of safety. And given the likelihood that Wallflower would be there, waiting, with all kinds of questions about the last four or five days, Twilight actually felt herself longing for the relative peace she’d had in gym, and the uncomplicated, tension free nature of her new friendship with Indigo...which in turn made her feel even more like she was caught in some weird ‘Through the Looking Glass’ nightmare of her life.
Because truthfully, that's what it was beginning to feel like. How else could she explain away wanting to spend time engaging in running and stretching instead of working on a science experiment and solving a puzzle in a lab? What else would create a reality where it was her gym teacher offering solid praise and discouraging her bullies, while all of her other teachers were turning a blind eye to the nastiness going on right in front of them?
Her life at school had become a nightmare, and for all her intellectual capabilities, Twilight had no idea how to stop it.
“So I heard from Melody, that Seashell’s boyfriend’s chemistry partner saw—”
She pushed the door open to the lab at last, darting in and shutting it firmly behind her, cutting off the latest unpleasant rumor with the slamming of the door. Her heart was thundering in her ears, and her breath ragged as she sought to calm herself down in the relative emptiness of the sterile laboratory.
A voice cut the stillness, making Twilight jolt from the suddenness of it. “There you are!”
Wallflower followed her vocal exclamation by appearing inside Twilight’s personal space bubble, scrutinizing every visible inch of her intently. “You aren't hurt!?” came the question.
Confusion warred with other emotions at the question. “Hurt?” she managed, not able to follow quite what was going on. “I…was just coming from Italian…”
The green haired girl huffed. “Not that,” she returned. “From last week! You never showed up, and then I had to hear from the grapevine that you were in a fight and they had to call an ambulance!” She put her hands on her hips. “I had no idea what happened, and you didn't show up all last week, or even this morning!”
Twilight shifted uncomfortably. She’d prepared herself for a lot of possible encounters with Wallflower after what had happened in the woods, but this was not one of them. “It was a bit hectic,” she explained tightly. “I was in no condition to talk to anyone, after the fight, and I spent the weekend with my family trying to decide on how we wished to handle the whole situation.”
“What about this morning?” Wallflower said in a tone just shy of being demanding. “You're here now.”
Her back stiffened. “My parents and I had a meeting this morning with the Principal in regards to my being unfairly suspended when a senior student attacked me in the hall. It ran long, and I had to hurry or risk being late to gym.”
“Oh.” Stepping back a fraction, Wallflower frowned. “You should have at least texted—I spent all weekend worried sick that you were in the hospital or something.”
What? Twilight stared at her, disbelief creeping over her. “You…were worried…all weekend?”
The green haired girl nodded vigorously. “I was—I didn't know what to think.”
Disbelief coupled with something like icy anger. Wallflower was claiming to be worried after abandoning her the week before in the woods when she might have been hurt?
“Don't forget, she might have been the reason you fell,” Mental-Sunset’s voice murmured in her mind.
That didn't make it any better, Twilight decided. Even if her fall had been accidental, leaving her behind when Wallflower was supposed to be her ride home during unpleasant winter weather was still unacceptable, especially when Twilight might have been hurt.
Something else niggled at her, and the words were out before she could stop them. “If you were that worried, Wallflower…why didn't you text me yourself?” came the pointed question.
Wallflower’s lips twitched, as if the frown wanted to become some other expression. “Because I thought you might be in the hospital,” she answered. “I had no idea if you’d even answer.”
…yet despite her supposed worry, she hadn't even made an attempt to contact Twilight?
“…why were you so convinced I was unresponsive in a hospital bed that you didn't even try to message or call?” she asked instead, trying not to give in to the indignant agitation she felt.
That got her an eye roll from the other girl. “Really, Twilight?” One hand gestured towards her. “What was I supposed to think? You didn't show up or message, and then all the rumors are saying you got into a fist fight with a senior before lunch, and that a student got taken away in an ambulance. Let’s face it, you might be getting trained up for the Games by Zap, but you aren't exactly the Karate Kid. All the seniors are like twice your size—they’d wipe the floor with you!”
Twilight took a deep breath. “For your information, Wallflower, I am perfectly capable of defending myself and getting away from attackers.”
Several emotions flitted across Wallflower’s face, including something that might have been relief. “That’s good to hear, Twilight,” she said, then added, “but I didn’t know that before. You never said anything, and have never done anything before any of the times people have bullied you.”
She sighed, willing herself to sound much less tense than she felt. “Because not every action deserves a violent response, Wallflower. Most people here only ever use words, and I’ve been ignoring those for a long time.” Her features twisted into a frown. “Polaris Hyades did not stick to words…and from the conversation we had before he…advanced on my person…his mental state was at least momentarily unstable for unknown reasons. I reacted, because his goal was unknown and I sincerely felt threatened by his actions.”
Wallflower’s face shifted to an expression Twilight might have called thoughtful…though Sunset probably would have called it ‘calculating.’ “So…he got a bit handsy…and you put him in the hospital for it?”
The dark haired girl responded in a slow and deliberate manner. “That…is a gross underrepresentation of the circumstances, I feel.”
Her brows pinched. “But that's what other people are going to see, Twilight,” Wallflower pointed out. “You’ve gone and made a huge spectacle out of something that you probably should have handled a lot quieter."
"What do you mean by that? Are you suggesting I should have let him grab me?" Twilight couldn't believe what she was hearing.
Her friend shook her head. "No! Of course not, Twilight…but you could have, I don't know…maybe not gone so far? Gotten away and hid instead of a full fledged fight that led to an ambulance and you missing school for the rest of the week? Do you know what you've done?"
Twilight stiffened, indignation now a frigid fury. "Why don't you tell me, since you seem to already know."
Wallflower gave her a long look like she was a bit dim. "The rumors say he's been expelled, and Hyades was the next smartest kid in school, which means he was on the Games team. Plus you took his lab after he messed it up—do you have any idea how that's going to look to the rest of the school? To the seniors? You've basically painted a huge target on your back…and they won't let this one go, Twilight. This is going to follow you until you graduate."
Her voice was crisp and clipped. “I am not certain how that would be any kind of change from the way things have been since I started at this school,” she countered. “I have been a target of harassment and bullying since I walked in and aced my first test. It matters little to the student body what I do or don't do, because they have their own narrative that has little to do with the truth, and they will find a way to twist any event into somehow being something they can feel angry at me over.”
“That’s not a reason to paint an even bigger target on yourself, Twilight. Especially when it could affect more than just—”
She cut Wallflower off. “Honestly, I’m done caring about the opinions of the student body, Wallflower. I had every right to defend myself from harm, and despite what everyone seems to be saying in the halls, I did not seek a confrontation, nor did I jump right to violence…but I am not a doormat or a punching bag for other people. Polaris had already decided I was guilty of whatever conspiracy he believed was going on in these halls and felt fully justified in trying to assault my person in some form of imagined retribution for things that I had no hand in. I am sorry that it went the way it did, but I am not sorry for protecting myself.”
Arms crossed across her chest, Wallflower stared at Twilight hard, her frown and narrowed eyes communicating her displeasure quite effectively. “So that's it then? You're going to ignore what this is going to do to your school life? You're prepared to spend the next year and a half looking over your shoulder everyday? Because I’m not really interested in being collateral damage, Twilight—and I will be. I’m your friend, and with something like this, I’ll be fair game too.”
Twilight didn't need the mental version of Sunset to tell her how wrong that sounded. “…it sounds an awful lot like this worry and concern you claim to have over my well-being is actually you being worried about blowback on yourself, Wallflower.”
Wallflower scowled. “That's not what I meant by it,” she defended. “But we’ve always avoided the worst of the bullying by not drawing attention to ourselves. That's how people like you and I survive in places like this. And you’ve gone and destroyed our best defense in one week.”
“Avoided the worst of the bullying?” she repeated. “Maybe you have, but given that I’ve been Suri’s personal verbal punching bag for three years, I hardly consider that a true statement. The fact is, I’m tired of being her target. I’m tired of trying to ignore it in hopes they’ll find a better target…because they won't.” One of Sunset’s bits of advice swam up from the depths of memory, and she found herself repeating it. “Not only that, I have a right to protect myself from assault by whatever means is necessary to prevent harm to my person.”
Brown eyes bored into her, but for once, Twilight found herself holding her ground instead of looking away. “Do you even hear yourself, Twilight? You're advocating violence now, defending it! If this is the kind of change that your new friends are advocating, then maybe you need to reconsider if spending time with them is a good idea, because I’m not sure I like who you're turning into.”
“Well maybe I do!” she snapped at the green haired girl. “Maybe I like this me who isnt hiding in a glorified closet and barely has any friends. Maybe I like the idea of a me who isn’t constantly afraid of Suri Polomare and what she might do to me if I happen to breathe air wrong in her presence. Did you stop to think that maybe I might enjoy being someone who doesn’t let other people take advantage of her! Maybe now I like who I see in the mirror, a person not afraid to reach out and make friends with people who are different than me.” Twilight straightened her back defiantly. “Maybe I like who I am when I’m with Sunset—the person she gives me the strength to be, because I know she supports my choices, even when she doesn't agree with them.”
Now she was pretty certain the emotion on Wallflower’s face was a mixture of hurt and anger. Her friend clenched her fists at her sides. “Support? What do you call me worrying and trying to make sure you’re not in over your head all these times, keeping you from being taken advantage of by people looking to use you! I look after my friends!”
Twilight observed her carefully, making mental notes of all the little details to go over later, from the way the other girl stood to how her jaw was set to even the tone of her voice, which had discarded some of its flat, monotone with her riled emotions. “While I appreciate your friendship, as well as your desire to assist me when I am struggling with social situations, or when you share information of which I am unaware, what you have done of late has crossed a line.”
The other girl’s eyes narrowed. “How is being a concerned friend crossing a line?”
Taking a deep breath, Twilight collected what she wanted to say into some semblance of coherent thought. “Telling me you are concerned about something is fine, letting me know you are worried about what a person’s motivation is if they have a history or have changed their behavior is acceptable, even appreciated…but you have progressed well beyond that. I have repeatedly stated that your concern is appreciated, but I feel as though I know Sunset Shimmer a great deal more intimately,” she stressed the word on purpose, “than you, who’ve spent a sum total of eleven minutes and thirty two seconds in her presence. I trust that the person Sunset has been with me is genuine, and I have been privy to her struggles to overcome her history and the behaviors she used to engage in, to grow and change into a better human being. Yet instead of respecting my ability to make my own choices, and even my own mistakes—like all of the other people in my life, including Sunset—you continue to push your rather presumptuous opinions on me, having made it quite clear that poor little socially inept Twilight Sparkle is completely incapable of handling herself.”
Wallflower stared at her, mouth opening and closing a few times as she struggled to respond. Finally, she countered with a weak but almost accusatory way, “…but it's true! Everyone knows that—you talked about how your parents had to send you to those special education things when you were in when you were younger, and you’ve got that legal paperwork with the school that says you're allowed all kinds of aid and assistance, even if you don't ask for it!” Her arms crossed over her chest. “And I’ve seen it too, so I know it's not fake! …I was trying to help…”
“Helping was what you were doing when you expressed concern the first time, Wallflower. Past that, you were refusing to respect my decision, and trying to push your point of view on me.” Twilight frowned, chin raised defiantly and so she could look her friend in the eyes. “Due to our friendship, I have done my best to be understanding—it is part of the reason I tried to organize a social outing to a venue that would engage all three of our interests, as I mistakenly thought that introducing you two would help you see the real Sunset and not the rumors you have heard second, third, fourth, and even fifth hand. I even went so far as to explain my perspective and assessment of Sunset, in an attempt to find a peaceful middle ground.”
“What's more, I find it rather telling how much you have attempted to push your narrative while Sunset has merely told me that she simply does not wish to interact with you as you have spoken plainly of your dislike, and she has no desire to force her presence upon you. Before that, she was actually excited to possibly make a new friend, something you ruined before it ever had a chance because you cannot accept that what you have heard is wrong.”
If Wallflower had thoughts, she didn’t seem capable of voicing them, staring slack jawed now—she couldn't have looked more shocked if Twilight had slapped her across the face. Twilight pressed her point, laying out the boundaries she had agonized over for days. “It stops, Wallflower. You can feel however you like about Sunset Shimmer, but you will keep it to yourself. Not one word of negativity, no more attempts to ‘make me see’ your point of view on her, not one single off-color joke or sarcastic remark in my presence. In addition, your unpleasant slurs and bigoted comments are offensive. It's not funny, it's not a laughing matter—to you, it’s humorous, but there are plenty of people who use those words to spread hate and dehumanize people who are different. No more.”
Silence reigned for more than a minute, growing into a tense standoff and contest of wills the longer their eyes stayed locked.
Finally, Wallflower looked away with a huff. “Fine,” she hissed, as though she was making some great concession. “I don't know why you're being so unfair about it—it's not like I was insulting you or anything. You shouldn't be so sensitive…”
“It's not being overly sensitive,” Twilight responded sharply. “Every single slur you used about her applies to me, given that the very actions you are denigrating Sunset for are things I’ve been a willing participant in with her. This isn’t a case of being offended on her behalf. This is me saying I will not be subjected to hate speech by someone who is supposed to be my friend.” She brushed past the other girl, heading for her desk so she could get some work done. “Those are the boundaries I am placing on our friendship going forward, Wallflower, and they are not negotiable. I don't care whether you think them fair or not—they are my personal boundaries and I have a right to set them. If you don't feel you can respect me as a person enough to respect my boundaries, then there’s the door. No one is holding you hostage here.”