Cross the Rubicon: Choices
Chapter 136: Chapter One Hundred and Four: All the Things She Said
Previous Chapter Next ChapterThe room was quiet but for the soft click of laptop keys, as Twilight squinted at the screen, reading through the various local events at museums and gardens and other venues, striking off the ones that wouldn't work and jotting down potentials in a neat, precise list. The entire time her laptop’s speakers projected music from her iTunes at a low volume, not loud enough to disrupt her, but enough to provide a background track that kept her from noticing all the other noises in an otherwise quiet house.
Quiet that was shattered when Spike lifted his head at the sound of a familiar engine coming down the street, the dog leaping down from her bed and barking excitedly as if to announce Sunset’s arrival like a fuzzy herald. He seemed confused when Twilight barely acknowledged him, other than waving at her partially open door. “Go ahead and get Sunny, Spike…Bring her up.”
The canine needed no further urging, bolting from her room and flying down the stairs with how fast he ran. Twilight could dimly hear her mother and dog greeting Sunset, and even registered the other girl’s laughter as she picked up the wiggly dog to say hello while simultaneously trying to avoid having him lick her face—there was some spluttering involved.
It didn't take long before she could hear the approaching footsteps, and she turned to see Sunset slip into the room, flopping down on Twilight’s bed with her backpack on the floor and an exhausted groan. “…Hey, Sparky…” she managed. “…sorry I’m later than I planned. Got held up at school over a project for English…” The redhead rolled onto her back a moment later, staring up at Twilight’s ceiling. “Have I mentioned I hate the Bronte sisters and their writing? Ugh.”
“Oh?” she responded distractedly. “Not a fan of nineteenth century sexism and classism in the form of tawdry overly dramatic romance novels that imply that all a woman needs to be happy is the right marriage, and that pining after the wrong man or wishing to be master of herself is a guaranteed route to heartache and death?”
A snort escaped her girlfriend. “Not even a little.” Her face pulled into a grimace, one laden with many emotions, too many for Twilight to identify them all easily, even with how well she could read Sunset. “Besides, I don’t understand how anyone can do that to a person--demand they give up what makes them who they are to make another person happy…and then to view it as the height of romance?” The last word was practically spat out, as if it tasted sour in her mouth. “There’s absolutely nothing romantic about destroying someone’s sense of self--it's no better than killing someone, and worse, it's all because some male is so uselessly self-absorbed and completely lacking in any depth of personality that would effectively attract a partner in the first place!”
Twilight blinked a moment, startled out of her hunt for a suitable event by the vehemence she could hear in her girlfriend's words. "That... you sound pretty serious about the subject, Sunny."
Sunset looked at her, her expression still twisted up with emotions. "Because I am. It's something I don't understand, can’t understand, and I’m not sure I’d even want to… There’s nothing anyone could use to justify denying someone the things that make them who they are that would ever make it okay, especially not claiming it's some kind of passionate declaration of love. Relationships shouldn’t work that way--they should be about the people involved supporting and enriching each other’s lives and passions, not one person being forced into some kind of mold to satisfy the wants of the other and told they should be glad for the opportunity to be used that way."
Her own lips curled into a soft smile on their own. “You’re pretty amazing, Sunny, did you know that?” A thought occurred to her. “Is…that why you’re always content to just let me ramble and go to things I enjoy?”
That coaxed a laugh and an answering grin from her fiery haired companion. “Maybe,” Sunset said slyly. “Or maybe it's just that you’re adorably cute when you get super nerdy on me.” Blue-green eyes danced brightly.
“So which is it?”
Sunset never stopped grinning. “You got me. I can’t help it. I am happy when I watch you get so excited and passionate about something that you just have to share it. Even if it's not something I’m interested in, its worth learning about it because it makes you happy.”
Twilight was torn. She really wanted to see where this conversation was going, maybe shift to the bed to cuddle up with the redhead and explore the idea…and the undercurrent of emotions it was generating further, but the open browser on her computer and the notepad in her hand was like a persistent itch demanding to be scratched, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to truly relax and focus on discussing ‘passions’ and ‘relationships’ with her girlfriend until she addressed it fully. Although the crooked smile and the way Sunset was looking at her made it a hard choice.
In the end, she decided work before play was the best option, and turned back to the task at hand. “Before we…go further in this line of thinking…perhaps we can make a detour to a different subject?”
Blue-green eyes burned with an inner fire that Twilight could practically feel on her skin. “Is that subject ‘the best way to go about kissing you?’” Sunset teased in a low, husky voice.
For a moment, Twilight seriously considered responding in the affirmative. Then she shook her head and pushed her hormones to the side. “Perhaps later, after dinner,” she replied with a small smile, reaching out to brush fingers over Sunset’s cheek.
Her fiery maned paramour turned her head towards Twilight, one hand capturing those fingers so she could kiss them. “Okay…what did you want to talk about instead?”
“I was attempting to come up with an event that would work for rescheduling our three person outing with Wallflower,” she explained, “and was hoping for your input.”
Sunset went quiet for a long minute, her brow furrowing and her face becoming tight and pinched, leaving Twilight feeling a pang of loss for the soft, affectionate space and the rising warmth between them, and the dark haired girl felt regret at having diverted the conversation. Perhaps she should have just left this until later…
She sighed and shook herself out of the thoughts to focus back on Sunset, who also seemed unwilling or unable to meet Twilight’s gaze. Finally, Sunset let out a slow sigh. “I’m…not sure rescheduling is going to work, Sparky.”
Twilight’s expression pulled into a frown, not liking the echo of what she’d heard already from Wallflower when they’d talked the day before. “But…it's the socially acceptable way to handle a situation like this. We barely accomplished the goal of introducing you and Wallflower to one another, let alone spending any time in a mutual bonding activity in hopes of forming the start of a friendship…”
Amber fingers tangled with red and gold hair. “I recognize that, but I’m not sure that trying again will change the outcome, Twilight. I don't know if Wallflower and I will ever really get along…” Sunset refused to meet Twilight’s eyes, staring determinedly up at the ceiling.
It was once again an echo of Wallflower from the day before, and Twilight found herself comparing the two conversations…
“Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea, Twilight…” her friend said evenly from her chair while looking at the plant samples she’d taken from several places the dark haired girl’s energy detector had indicated as hot spots of activity.
“Why not?”
“Because your so-called friend doesn't like me….and I don't trust the girl who has been bullying Lyra since she switched schools. I also don't get how you could miss that—even for you, that's pretty oblivious.” Wallflower never even glanced her way. “I think we should both cut our losses and let her stick to bullying the public school.”
“I do not understand how a few minutes of fairly meaningless, albeit socially normative dialogue is sufficient enough to allow you to make that determination, Sunset. It is certainly not enough to form any kind of rapport.” Twilight took a breath, fighting her frustration down to maintain control over words. “Our outing was interrupted by an unforeseen and unfortunate case of Wallflower being struck with an illness. It's not as though it was a planned circumstance on her part.”
The redheaded girl sighed. “Normally, I’d agree with you…”
Twilight tapped her pen forcefully on the desk. “Then the only proper course of action is to reschedule and try again—you should know this, Sunset.”
“I said ‘normally,’” Sunset stressed, “but not this time. Wallflower made it quite clear to me that she has no wish to be friends…”
Confusion made her comb through her memories of the short time her girlfriend and Wallflower had interacted, trying to figure out when such a thing had been said to Sunset. “I don't recall that being indicated at all,” she pointed out. “Not through direct statement nor through some form of implication.”
Blue-green eyes still did not meet hers. “It was when you were getting our drinks.”
An unpleasant suspicion crept over Twilight, the words bringing up another point from her talk with Wallflower…
“Please tell me you aren't really that oblivious, Twilight.” Wallflower was now looking at her with an expression of disbelief. “It's one of the oldest tricks in the book—it happens in TV and movies all the time.”
Twilight shifted in her seat. “I can't see Sunset trying to trick me or anything…” she hedged, only vaguely grasping what her friend was alluding to.
The green skinned girl rubbed her temples with one hand. “She handed you money and sent you off to get drinks,” she pointed out. “It was a tactic to get you out of earshot so you wouldn't hear her get confrontational with me. It was deliberate, because she knew you wouldn't sit for her talking like that to me. It would shatter this little persona she’s built up around you.”
“Sunset isn't like that,” she defended. “Yes, she has a rough past, but it's a lot more complicated than you know, and I’ve had the chance to get to know her.”
Wallflower sighed. “She’s playing you, Twilight, and you’re letting her. She tried to play me, and when I refused to fall for it, she threatened me. Just like she does to the kids at her school. In CHS you do what Sunset Shimmer says or you pay for it.”
Her stomach twisted in knots, and she found herself asking the question more to prove Wallflower’s words wrong than anything else. “…Sunny…did…did you send me to get drinks on purpose?”
Sunset finally looked her way, guilt and shame written all over her features. “Kind of…I was getting the impression that I’d done something to offend Wallflower somehow, and when she started taking it out on you, I…” She bit her lip briefly. “…I didn't want it to be a scene, or to upset you, since I knew how badly you wanted the day to go well…”
Twilight could practically hear the ‘I told you so’ in the back of her mind that sounded like Wallflower, and her hand tightened around her pen. “…are you saying that you were embarrassed by the thought of me ‘making a scene’…if I heard you say whatever it was you had to say to my friend?” Hurt and something else leant an edge to her voice.
At that, her girlfriend sat up, swinging her feet off the bed so she was completely facing Twilight. “What? No! No no…Sparky…I’m never embarrassed by you…why would you even think that?” Sunset reached out and took both of Twilight’s hands in hers, forcing the dark haired girl to relinquish her hold on her pen. “I was afraid of me making it into a scene, because I didn't like how she spoke to you, how she kept making those…comments…about my friends…”
A thumb ghosted over the back of her hand as Sunset continued. “Turns out, my temper is…still pretty hard to control when it comes to defending the people that matter to me.”
Mollified somewhat, and trying not to get distracted by their proximity, Twilight took a breath, and asked the second half of her real question. “Then what did you say to Wallflower that led to your belief that the two of you cannot be friends?”
The other girl looked down at their hands. “I asked her if I’d done something to offend her…because if I had, then I’d prefer she either tell me or take it out on me, not be rude to you. You don't deserve to be attacked because I upset someone somehow.”
Perhaps that was the real misunderstanding? Twilight frowned, then decided to clear it up—if she could solve the misunderstandings that had clearly occurred between her friend and girlfriend then there would be no reason they couldn't be friends. “Sunny…while I appreciate your desire to protect me, Wallflower wasn't being rude…” She squeezed Sunset’s hands in hers. “She’s used to keeping me from getting too deeply distracted, drawing me out of mental tangents verbally.”
Sunset’s features became tense and tight, lips twitching. “Twilight…that's…that’s not how friends talk to each other. It was…it felt mean, not funny or like she was playing. Even AJ and Dash don't talk to each other like that, and I’ve seen those two get into a wrestling match in the barn over a difference of opinion…”
“And of course you are somehow a capable expert when it comes to proper friendship behavior now?” The words snapped out of her, cutting and harsh, as her irritation at her girlfriend grew. It meant the words bypassed her normal attempts at self-censoring, hanging heavy in the air between them. At the same time, Twilight pulled her hands from Sunset’s grasp; she needed to move, to gesture and pace in order to dispel the thoughts and feelings winding her up.
The other teen flinched back, expression twisting with hurt and shock, leaving Twilight with the sense that she had gone just a little too far—but if Sunset would just listen to reason—
“I never said that,” Sunset finally answered, her voice quavering. “…Just the opposite. The way Wallflower talked to you, talked to me…that's the way I used to talk and act to people…before…and it's not how any of my friends act to each other or anyone else…”
Twilight found she resented the implications. “Wallflower’s personality and mannerisms make her a touch abrasive, Sunset. I understand that might make her seem a lot more harsh than she means to be, especially to people who don't know her, but she really is a good friend.”
The redheaded girl crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself slightly. “This was more than ‘abrasive,’ Twilight. She told me outright that as far as she was concerned I was always going to be the Queen Bitch of CHS, and that I had no business even talking to you or her. That you deserved a better friend than me, and that the only reason I would want to be your friend was to get something out of you.”
For the second time in as many days, she was being given a story that didn’t match with what she knew about her friends…
“Twilight, I think you need to really think about what I’m saying. This is Sunset Shimmer—she’s been the queen of mean at her school for years. Lyra has been complaining about her since day one! People like that don't just magically stop being horrible—you being friends with her is like making friends with Suri.”
Twilight exhaled slowly, trying to fight her rising anxiety. “Sunset has changed. She’s worked very hard to be a better person since we met, and it's not been easy for her…but she’s trying. Why won't you give her a chance?”
Wallflower scowled. “This so-called friendship is not real! She has to want something from you, and you're so blinded by her that you're not only oblivious to that, but you don't notice how she treats you. She orders you around like a dog, Twilight. Or a slave. She hasn't really changed at all.”
That made her frown. When had Sunset done something like that? “I have no idea what youre talking about, Wallflower. I know Sunset has a somewhat assertive nature, but I’d hardly equate that to treating me as an inferior.”
Her friend snorted derisively. “Yeah, you aren't exactly known for having good judgment with things like that. Remember freshman year? That girl pulled the wool over your eyes for months, all while she copied from your work to up her own grade.”
Twilight was torn. Her two friends were telling contradictory stories and she wasn't sure how to handle it. Especially because they seemed like opposing viewpoints of the same events. Was it just possible the two of them had misjudged, partially because Wallflower had realized beforehand that the girl Twilight was excited to introduce her to was someone she’d heard negative things about in the past?
That had to be it, and she decided to follow that logic, as it made the most sense. “Is it possible you misinterpreted her meaning at all? I know she is often concerned by my difficulties in spotting subterfuge—perhaps she just came on too strong?”
Her girlfriend made a frustrated sound. “No. It was not a misunderstanding. She was pretty direct in what she said, and made it quite clear what she thinks of me.”
It had to be though. Sunset had no reason to lie to her, and had been pretty enthusiastic about the whole plan before it had happened. By the same token, Wallflower was a friend she’d known for several years, who had not reacted this way to any of her other friends—they’d all gotten along fairly well, even Lyra, who had been extremely high energy and a little weird. “Are you sure?” she pressed, her own frustration rising as she sought a real answer instead of this nebulous game of “he-said-she-said.” “Because I really think this has to be some kind of gross misunderstanding, and that only by trying another meet up will we be able to solve it so that we can all hang out.”
She watched as Sunset took a deep breath before exhaling slowly through her nose. The older girl’s lips moved like she was counting to herself…maybe…because Twilight wasn't great at reading lips. “I’m more than certain,” she responded. “Your friend Wallflower was extremely clear on what she felt, and how little she wanted to even breathe the same air as me. This isn't some kind of social faux pas or personal misunderstanding. I know that you really really want us to be friends, but at this point, that is not going to be possible.”
“Why not?” Twilight demanded, her hands curling into fists at her sides. “Why aren't you willing to try?”
Sunset made a face. “I am willing, but she is not. She has already decided who she believes me to be, and she isn’t interested in anything that doesn't fit that narrative. Until she does, there's no point! There’s no point in pushing myself on someone who wants nothing to do with me, because it will only make it worse!”
“Someone has to be willing to try first, Sunset!” Why was Sunset being so difficult? If they just tried, she and Wallflower could be friends and put this silly misunderstanding behind them.
“It's not that simple, Twilight!”
From downstairs, she heard her father call up, about going to go get the takeout that the family had decided to order for dinner. It was a welcome interruption, Twilight decided. She needed some air and to calm down before this turned into a fight. She didn't want to fight with her best friend.
Purple eyes flicked to Sunset. “I think we need to put this conversation on hold. Right now, we both need space. I’m going with Dad to get dinner,” she told her firmly, her voice tight and strained. Then she turned and stalked out of her room without a backward glance.