Chapter 2

Mr. Potato Head waited on the production set of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for his new crew of actresses to arrive. He had shown up earlier to discuss the situation to the director personally. Standing beside him, tapping his foot impatiently, was the director himself, Jason Thiessen. Nervously, Mr. Thiessen managed to speak after hearing the new course of action.

“Mr. Potato Head, are you sure you can trust Derpy with this? I mean, she isn’t the-”

Mr. Potato Head smiled. “Now now, Mr. Thiessen, there is nothing to worry about. I assure you Ms. Hooves has proven herself to me multiple times. She is plenty capable of doing this small task.”

“This isn’t like giving you your mail, sir. She is needed to find optimal replacements for the six main characters of the show. I don’t think she is up to the task.”

Mr. Potato Head looked to a wall clock ahead of him, eying the exact time.

“Well, in roughly five minutes we’ll know then, won’t we?” Mr. Potato Head looked over to Thiessen, who also glanced towards the clock. Behind his glasses, his eyes bounced back and forth from the clock to the double doors that signaled the set entrance.

The clock continued on its course, until it was within seconds of hitting the twenty four hour mark. Thiessen removed his glasses, rubbing his temple as his mind reeled in its previous doubt.

“Look, I know you had a lot of faith in Derpy, Mr. Potato Head, but I’m telling you, she’s just-”

Suddenly the two large double doors swung open. One door smashed into a broom, causing it to fall over and land on a stereo set, turning it on to booming music.

“They see her flyin’, they hatin’
They try to put her down when she's flyin' derpy
Ya know dat she's flyin' Derpy”

From the overly-lit doorway, Derpy Hooves walked in at a slow pace as five other mares followed suit.

“She's a strong mind
though cross-eyed
Still they put her down because she's flyin' derpy,
Ya know dat she's flyin' derpy”

Mr. Potato Head's plastic mouth cracked a smile as Thiessen could only look distraught from seeing the six mares. In a slow walk onto the set was Derpy, followed closely by five differently colored mares. While the five other mares approached with caution, Derpy marched on with pride at having succeeded in her job. Her jovial mood wasn’t diminished any even when her hoof caught on an extension cord, tripping her and yanking the power cord from the wall, killing the radio with a sharp pop of its speakers. She sat back up, brushed her mane a little with a hoof and looked to Carrot Top, one of the ponies following her, who only shook her head in shame at her friend’s klutziness.

Thiessen looked back to Mr. Potato Head, raising a brow.

“Well, she is on time, isn’t she?” Mr. Potato Head said to the director, forcing a smile.

Thiessen simply groaned as the small band of ponies finally approached the two important individuals. Derpy, leading the pack, stood straight in attention, giving her boss and future director an honorable salute. Her hoof made a loud “clop” as it smacked into her forehead, causing one eye to gaze in a completely different direction from the other.

“Ms. Hooves reporting in, sirs!”

Mr. Potato Head, in a show of good sport, saluted Derpy in return.

“Right on time, Ms. Hooves. That’s one reason I knew I could trust you,” Mr. Potato Head then looked to the merry band of ponies that Derpy had brought with her, “Now, who are all these fine mares?”

Derpy’s lazy eye started to creep upwards, then with a blink it aligned correctly again as she smiled.

“Oh, right!”

Derpy pointed to a light blue unicorn with a blue and white mane, resembling toothpaste being squirted out of a tube. “This here is Colgate. She's a dentist.” Colgate smiled to the human and potato, showing off her immaculate, clean teeth.

She then pointed to the purple mare, whose deeper purple mane looked like grapes on a vine. “This here is Berry Punch. I don't know her job, but she likes to drink!” The pony nodded, looking even more drunk than usual as she nearly lost her balance swaying on her hooves.

Next in the lineup were the mint-green unicorn and the pale-yellow earth pony. “These two are Lyra and Bon Bon. Lyra plays a lyre and her maybe-possibly-unsure what to exactly call her girl friend Bon Bon makes yummy candy! And finally my bestest best friend in the whole entire world, Carrot Top! She's the orange one if you didn't know.”

Carrot Top, hearing her name alongside the word “friend,” moaned as she still tried to figure out exactly why she had agreed to any of this. Derpy gave Carrot Top a bright smile, oblivious as to what exactly was causing her palpable frustration. Carrot’s ears flattened... she had a bad feeling about all this, and Derpy’s smile did nothing to make her feel any better - if anything, it worried her further.

“Alright,” Mr. Potato Head started, “I assume Ms. Hooves has explained our little predicament to you all?”

All five mares, as well as Derpy, nodded.

“Good, so I will leave it all up to you then, Mr. Thiessen,” Mr. Potato Head said, as he began to stroll out of the production room. His plastic feet making similar clops to the ponies hooves.

Mr. Thiessen motioned to stop him, wanting to beg him not to do this and just give the original cast a little more time to come back... but stopped himself as he knew how arguments went with the head of Hasbro. One second he’s the head of one of the biggest things to strike the Internet... next, he’s directing on one of it’s lesser shows. Like...

“Strawberry Shortcake...” Thiessen shuddered from the thought and then snapped out of his musings, returning his attention back to the six new mares he would be casting.

He recognized them all as background ponies from many scenes of the show; ones that suddenly and inexplicably underwent massive surges in popularity, enough to have a fandom rivaling that of the main characters. Mr. Potato Head seemed to have enough faith in them, or at least enough faith in Derpy to pick out good candidates, but Jason was more skeptical. The alcoholic in particular worried him; alcoholism is one thing, but showing up drunk on set? A bigger production company would’ve fired a main character on the spot for doing that, let alone a pony whose hitherto biggest roles in the show have been literally just being there.

“'scuse me, Mr. Deere-K-tor?” a slurred voice spoke.

“Speaking of…” Jason thought to himself as he looked down to his right, only to be met with the gaze of Berry Punch, who somehow seemed even more intoxicated than when they first met only minutes ago. She swayed to and fro on three hooves, somehow not dropping the large bottle cradled like a baby in her fourth.

“No, Berry. I don't have a cork opener. We've been over this.”

“Draaaaaats” Berry slurred, before stumbling back to her hooves and returning once again to pester Colgate, remembering to have once gotten the mare to assist in opening a bottle before.

Jason moaned as he grabbed a clipboard from his director’s seat. “Okay, let's just get this over with already. I can tell this isn't going to go well, so let's just make the best of it. Alright everyo- er, everypony?”

Immediately Derpy rounded up the other five mares, and sat themselves in front of Mr. Thiessen. They sat in a semi circle like schoolchildren being read a story. Derpy's tail even wagged in anticipation, excited to be helping.

“Good, thank you Derpy,” Jason said, not expecting those words to ever be part of the same sentence. “First thing, what we need to do is decide on everypony's roles.”

“Roles?” Lyra asked, finding a seat to sit in alongside Bon Bon.

“Yes, since you all are subbing for the original cast, we need to decide who is going to play who.”

“Don’t we all look different from the original cast, though?” Colgate asked.

As if on cue, the double doors to the set swung open. This time, a massive steel box was pushed in by two individuals.

“Ah, just in time, gentlemen. You can just place it over there near an outlet, thank you,” Jason called out to them.

Both men rolled the metal box to the wall, and with a single lift they kicked the cart out from under it, dropping it onto the floor. The entire set shook from the impact, and both workers left under the cover of the ensuing dust cloud. Thiessen walked over to the box and gave it a quick inspection. Finding what he was looking for, he plugged in the machine. Immediately there was a loud snap sound, as motors spun and the scraping of metal created a cacophony that echoed around the set.

“Alright, just gotta give it some time to warm up,” Jason loudly stated, trying to voice over the loudness of the machine.

“Uh, let what warm up?” Bon Bon asked, looking curious along with the other ponies.

“Ah, this contraption here is what we're gonna use to change your colors.”

All six mares blinked at once.

“Basically, this thing changes a pony’s genetic code to match whatever color scheme we want. It can’t change your cutie marks of course, but we've got that covered.” Jason said, flashing cutie mark stickers matching the original main six ponies.

“How did you come up with something like this?” Lyra asked.

“Hell if I know.” Jason shrugged, then flipped a switch on the box, “It was made back from generation one, and most people don't like to talk about generation one.”

All the ponies eyes widened from the mention of their predecessors, whose names seemed to be taboo among the studios; not many of them were still around, but on occasion a generation one pony was seen walking around the building – or haunting it, as their detractors would say.

“So then, who's gonna be our first volunteer?” Jason asked, cranking open the torpedo tube-style door.

With a loud click, the circular door opened. From inside twenty plus years of dust were expelled into the room, causing everypony (and human) to erupt into a coughing fit.

“When was the last time this thing was used?” Carrot Top sputtered between coughs.

“Like I said, generation one,” Jason answered matter-of-factly, as if the machine’s age and evident lack of testing would lead to no problems whatsoever. “But that's not important. Right now, we need to get this episode rollin'. So stop standing around and one of you hop on in.”

Five of the ponies blanched at the idea. Berry Punch was still drunk.

After it was clear that none of the ponies were going to volunteer – even the drunk maintained some common sense, after all – Jason tried for a new tactic.

“Nopony? Fine, we'll get someone else to try it then.”

Jason looked around the set. Many different ponies were walking around, assisting in setting up the props, or rehearsing their lines for background roles. One pony, a light orange stallion with a brown mane, stood in a corner. His apparent lack of activity would be his undoing.

“Hey, you.”

The stallion looked around, then noticed Jason pointing to him.

“Yes, you,” Jason said, “Come here, we need your assistance.”

The stallion, nervously glancing at all the attractive mares around the director, joined the group.

“Ok, Mr. uh...” Jason began.

“Caramel, my name is Caramel,” the stallion finished.

“Right, well Caramel, we need to test this machine to see how it works, so these mares here can see that it's perfectly safe.”

Caramel looked to the rumbling machine. It hissed, expelling compressed air from a vent.

“Is it safe?” Caramel asked.

“That's what you're here to test.” Jason flipped absentmindedly through a few pages of the owner’s manual, itself hardly in better shape than the machine. “So, just step on in and we can try this thing out.” He then began turning knobs and flipping switches, in an attempt to understand the color scheme mechanism of the steel box.

Caramel gulped, but not wanting to appear cowardly in front of a half dozen attractive mares, cautiously stepped inside.

“So, just how exactly does this thing change our genetic code?” Carrot Top asked.

Jason flipped through some of the pages of the book, before shrugging.

“I don't know. It doesn't really explain how it works. All I know from reading the manual is that sometimes it's prescribed to wear hearing protection.”

“'Cause the machine is loud?”

Jason read the page again, then looked back to the ponies.

“No. Because of the screams.”

The six mares gulped in unison, as Jason slammed the chamber door shut before Caramel could protest any further. He then retrieved a large rubber glove and slid it onto his right hand, up to his elbow. Gripping the large throw switch with the gloved hand, Jason knocked on the box and shouted towards it.

“You ready Caramel? Knock once for yes, and twice for no.”

There were two very quick, but very quiet taps coming from the machine’s thick steel walls.

“Alright, here we go!”

“Waaaait,” Berry Punch slurred in a dull daze, surprisingly silent until now, “I thought…two knocks was ‘no,’ wasn’t it?”

Too late to hear the drunken pony’s protest, or simply ignoring her, Jason threw the switch, showering him in sparks. Within seconds, the entire Hasbro Building went completely dark.

----------

Twenty square mile's worth of homes found themselves without power as a result of the failed machine. On top of that, the heat it generated was enough to permanently seal the door shut. It took the rescue team two hours to cut Caramel out of the metal death trap; thankfully, he was alive but unconscious as the paramedics rushed him to the hospital. The six mares and Thiessen stood on the set, watching as another work crew took away the Pony Genetic Re-Coder to be destroyed before it could harm another living creature ever again.

“Well, that was a bust.” Thiessen pouted.

“That poor stallion, I hope he'll be alright.” Bon-Bon worried.

Lyra attempted to calm her friend. “Rest easy, I'm sure he'll be fine.”

Derpy looked to her friends, then noticed that their director had wandered back to his seat, flipping through some papers. She walked over, curious.

“Mr. Director, sir?”

Thiessen didn't even give her a glance. “Yes, Derpy?”

“What do we do now?”

Jason sighed. “Well, since we can't make you girls look like the original cast, I have to figure out another plan.”

Derpy tapped her chin. “Could you just paint us?”

Jason let out a light laugh, bemused by Derpy's attempts at aid. “I thought of that, but because you're a pegasus you have a higher body temperature. The paint will more than likely sweat off of you.”

Derpy sat down, hoping maybe it would help her thinking process.

“I've only come to one idea that would work, but I don't like it.”

Derpy's ears perked. At this point, all the other mares had joined the two. Jason looked around at them all, and let out another sigh. He felt there would be many more to come.

“Well, pretty much, I think I'm going to have to completely scrap this script. Or at least save it for if the original cast returns. And instead we're going to need an entirely new script. I'm just not sure how Mr. Potato Head will take the news...”

“Take what news, Mr. Thiessen?”

Jason Thiessen jumped, turning around in his director's chair. “M-M-Mr. Potato Head, sir, uh... well, you see, there have been some... complications.”

Mr Potato Head stood still, his hands on his body where his hips would be if he were not a potato. “Well, when I heard about one of our other background ponies being rushed to the hospital, I knew something was wrong Mr. Thiessen.”

“Oh, yes, Caramel, well he wasn't vital to the roles of this episode.”

“Well, I wanted to make sure you weren't taking out any pent up frustrations on these fine ponies here.” Mr. Potato Head patted Derpy on the head. Her tail wagged in response.

“No no, they're fine.”

“Ok. Well, then, what is the complication?”

“Well, I... uh, I need to... write a new script. You see, sir, we can't-”

“You don't need to explain anything to me Mr. Thiessen, I trust your judgment enough. Do what you feel is right.”

Thiessen let out a held breath.

“Just be sure to have the new script on my desk by tomorrow morning.”

He re-inhaled the breath, choking on it. Between fits of coughing, Thiessen spoke. “But, sir! I can't write up an entire script in just one night! That's crazy!”

“Oh, don't worry, I have faith in your work.” He then leaned in close, so only Thiessen could hear. “And if you don't, well... I'd hate for your talent to be wasted on another, less appreciated show.”

Mr. Potato Head then stepped back, returning to the double doors to exit.

“Good luck everypony!” He snickered. “Hah, everypony.”

He left the set without another word. Jason continued to kneel backwards in his chair, mouth agape. Derpy looked to the director, poking one of his overhanging legs.

“Uh, Mr. Director, are you ok?”

Thiessen ignored the pony, lost in his own little world of worry. “H-how does he expect me to make an entire script by tomorrow morning?”

Thiessen turned around, slumped in his chair. Derpy walked around, looking at him curiously. He just stared towards the set. What Derpy didn't see, however, was that he was hard at work thinking.

“Uh, Mr-”

Jason Thiessen jumped up, surprising Derpy. “Ok, I know what I must do.” He then turned to the rest of the ponies. “Ok, while I work on the new script, you all take the day off. But be ready to work your tails off tomorrow.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Derpy asked.

“Thank you Derpy, but no. This is something I must do on my own.”

Derpy pouted. “Oh... ok.”

Jason Thiessen grabbed his jacket and briefcase, and quickly rushed out of the room.

With that, the new Mane Six exited the set soon after.

With nothing better to do, they all agreed to stop at a local restaurant and have a snack. They chose the nearby Candyland Sweets Shop, known for its famous treats and goodies in the area.

Sitting outside at a table, the six mares enjoyed their treats.

“Ah...” Lyra exclaimed, resting into the back of her chair, “That hit the spot, eh Bonnie?”

Bon-Bon simply nodded, eyes half-lidded as she felt the onset of a very familiar sugar coma.

Colgate, vigilant in her never-ending struggle against plaque, was vigorously brushing her teeth, maneuvering her toothbrush in practiced motions with her magic. She had staunchly refused to order any sweets, citing the common dental knowledge of the effects sugar has on enamel. As the lone fleck of lettuce stuck between her teeth finally gave in to her frenzied brushing, she glanced at the other five mares, annoyance playing across her features as she recalled each of the five shrugging off her expert advice and ordering the sickeningly sugary treat of their choice, consequences be damned.

While inspecting her smile in her glass's reflection, her immaculate teeth, along with much of the rest of her face, were suddenly splashed with speckles of icing as Berry Punch's face fell muzzle first into her slice of cake. Colgate was quick to start brushing the splatters off the table, herself, and even Berry's mane with her hooves, her magic occupied as her toothbrush anxiously scrubbed her teeth even harder than before.

Derpy, oblivious to the faux-chaos around her, happily munched on her cinnamon muffin. With her mouth full of muffin crumbs, she turned to Carrot and spoke. “Sphee? Ism'ph dish phun?”

Carrot Top couldn't have looked more annoyed if she tried.

With her face now doused in muffin crumbs, she wiped her face clean, making a mental note to never face Derpy directly while she was eating ever again. “Oh yes, Derpy,” she agreed dully, looking to the band of misfits around her. “Real fun...”

“Personally, when Derpy first told me about this, I thought she was just joking.” Bon-Bon started, stifling a small yawn as she wiped her muzzle with a napkin.

“I thought it would be an awesome idea!” Lyra added. “Plus, it's not often I get to hang out with other humans, after that last incident. I gotta thank you again Derpy for getting my restraining order revoked from the Hasbro building.”

Derpy swallowed the last bite of her muffin. “It was a piece of muffin. They understood.”

“Derpy...” Carrot Top started, “Accidentally burning down the police station wasn't them understanding. They lost the records of the restraining order.”

“And now she gets to hang around humans again! At least the ones that'll let her, anyway. You shouldn't be so negative all the time.”

Carrot Top, with her mind now broken from her friend's odd sense of morality, merely slammed her forehead on the table top.

“Well before I said yes, I did some research into the thing.” Colgate said through flossing her teeth. “The show's popular with its target audience, of course, but no one expected it to be as much of a hit as it was with other demographics.”

“Oh?” Lyra asked, raising a brow. “What kind of demographic are we talking here?”

Colgate motioned for the group to get closer. They all did, however reluctant Carrot Top was.

“I heard that the show is a huge hit with older male humans.”

Bon-Bon gasped.

“They call themselves... bronies.”

“Bronies!?” Berry Punch yelled, globs of cake falling from her muzzle as she catapulted into a sitting position. Her gaze shot from one mare to another. “What's a brony?”

It took all of a half second for the six mares to realize the sudden utter lack of noise. All the chattering and bustling of the city around them, once full of life, had died down completely as people and ponies alike were giving them questioning glances.

Berry looked around in a daze. “Uhhhh... was it something I said?”

Lunch ended on a spectacularly awkward note following Berry Punch's outburst. From there, the group had paid for their meals and disbanded for fear of saying another “magic” word. Derpy and Carrot Top walked side by side, but the two didn't speak a word to another. Whatever these bronies were, the people of Hasbroland did not seem to like them.

----------

That night, Derpy laid in bed thinking.

When Dinky had gotten home, the first thing she did was ask her how her time at the studio went. When Carrot Top told her nothing had been filmed yet, Dinky seemed disappointed, like she was looking forward to nothing more than being the proud daughter of a TV star – on one of her favorite shows, no less.

It was in that moment, when Derpy had looked on at her daughter's downcast expression and thought about what it meant, that it all clicked for her; she realized for herself just how much was riding on the line with this casting position.

Being a mailmare was all well and good. Her memory wasn't fantastic, and to say her klutziness left trouble in her wake was putting it mildly, but she was great at everything else that had to do with the position and her heart was definitely in it – the fact that she still had the job after all her mistakes was telling enough. What troubled Derpy about it wasn't her perspective on the matter, however; it was Dinky's.

Dinky was a sweetheart through and through – she had a smile and a kind word for anything and everything. There was no doubt that Dinky loved her, that much was clear. But did she respect her?

It meant one thing when Dinky once introduced her to her class as, “the greatest mailmare in Equestria,” all with a smile on her face. It meant something else entirely when Derpy took note of the little details; the forced curve of Dinky's smile, the slight embarrassment in her eyes, and the uneasy wavering in her tone. Dinky was friendly, bright, and cheerful; there wasn't a single aspect about her that Derpy wasn't proud of, but the thought that while their love was mutual, the respect might not be tore her up inside.

While she stopped beating herself up over her mistakes long ago, the fact that they might cause other foals Dinky's age to regard Dinky not as the talented filly she is, but as just the daughter of “that goofy klutz” put her own problems in a new light. Knowing how happy and proud Dinky was over the prospect of Derpy becoming a TV star gave her a glimpse of what could've been, if she weren't too preoccupied with her own happiness to become somepony that Dinky could be proud of.

Tomorrow would be the start of a new career for her. Dinky would no longer be the daughter of, “Derpy, mailmare extraordinaire,” but, “Derpy, the famous star who acted for truth, muffins, and the Equestrian way.” Dinky would no longer quietly shy away from conversations that inevitably swayed towards her mother's latest incident with delivering mail to the wrong address, or any of the times her mother broke windows on her route because of her faulty depth perception, but would instead talk about her with pride. Just imagining Dinky beam at the mention of her mother's name was enough to wet Derpy's eyes out of joy.

Derpy was a natural born klutz – it ran in her family, and her own parents were no stranger to goofing up from time to time – and her mistakes were many; any sort of negative effect her mistakes had on her self-esteem had dissipated long ago with time and experience. But with this new career possibly being the difference between her daughter's empty words and her genuine pride, she couldn't help but cast doubts on herself.

Every upturned piece of furniture, every broken window, every dropped valuable, every wrong address; memories of slip-ups and goofs as far back as she could remember came together in a powerful mesh of misery that left her in a cold sweat. It told her this was all a mistake, that there was no way this could end in anything but disaster, that she would fail, utterly fail, and Dinky would forever look upon her with distaste, that-

No.

She couldn't fail. She wouldn't.

If not for herself or her friends, if not for all of Hasbro, then for Dinky. For mutual love and admiration. For every word to be spoken in genuine pride. For the respect that Derpy wanted and Dinky deserved. There would be no faltering, no backing down.

No giving up.
No failures.
Not anymore.

Not on her watch.

“Crap... I left my watch at the set.”