I was stunned, I really was. I expected to not even find my house, just a slapdash pile of beer bottles, strange smells and damage. But my friends actually cleaned the house. CLEANED! When I woke up everyone was just lying around, Conor asleep on the couch. When Mike greeted me everyone came out of nowhere to say hi.

"Hey man where have you been?" Mike said with a grin

"Asleep where else" I said, “You guys actually cleaned?"

"Only in Equestria" Nico said

"Yup," Mike said "Me, Tyler, Nico and Conor have been cleaning, while Dan has been getting laid."

"I am sorry is Dan’s heterosexuality a problem with you?" I joked "Dan who's house were you at?"

"O, me?" Dan said he was phasing out on the steps to upstairs.

"No Conor, yes you." I said,

"O, you remember that rainbow pegasus?" He said

I nodded

"Yea, her names Rainbow Dash, I got some action in her Cloud house." He said with a sense of pride.

"Cool, us ponies without wings tend to have sex on the ground." I joked

"Blows for you" Dan said.

Dan was about to say something but the Russian voice entered the room, causing everything to move to halt.

"Hello gentle ponies! How's the pony life?" He asked in good-nature

"Good" Mike said

50 bucks he says something stupid

“Dan got pony sex while we cleaned up after the party; and Vespi got head; if that counts, I’m not sure"

O Mike, so easy to remember.

I swear I heard the Russian nod his head (If that was possible) "I know, I was board so I checked up on you guys, I saw Dan putting his wing into Dashie’s-"

"Okay, whoa there we understand." Dan said, trying to spare himself the questions from everyone else, maybe no one was paying attention, maybe.

"Vagina"

Too late

"And afterwards I saw you two under the covers; AGAIN! Good for you 2!" The Russian said with a cackle. “I remember those days when-“

"Thanks man." Dan said embarrassed; managing to cut off the elderly Russian reliving the days of old.

"I didn't come by to bust your balls about what you guys did last night, I came here to talk to you about re-doing that protocol, we are having some problems. Do not worry though my best security and scientists are on it, I’ll keep you guys up to date; drunken Russian out!"

We all stood there for a moment, waiting to see if the Russian was still there, maybe waiting to steal another secret.

"Soooooooooooooo" I said trying to hoax a conversation "Dan you wing fucked Dashie?" I said with a grin

"Dam right" Dan said before everyone laughed so hard we couldn't stop for 10 minutes.

"Okay everybody, I mean everypony what should we do today?" Mike asked

It was a weird feeling now; we were men, well men ponies. We could head to the biggest city, or the smallest town, it gave me a feeling of excitement and adventure it had never felt before; the feeling of freedom. Now only if I didn’t have a conscious…

"Frankly if you ask me I think we should go back to that underground house." Dan said "Maybe find something interesting."

That Russian came out of nowhere again

"Sorry I just did spring cleaning, why don't you do what normal ponies do? Go walk around the forest and find something physical to do."

"Ehh" Conor said "Pinkie Pie taught me how to make brownies before; I want to try it out."

A thought just hit me like baseball; we are going to need names. Not normal names, pony names. You don't see ponies walking around with names like "Nico" or "Dan" they have something that describes them; I explained my theory to the others.

Nico's eyes turned into giant saucers "Balls he is right."

"Okay let’s get picking names" Mike said "Conor you make your brownies and we will come up with a name for you."

"If it’s a gay name so god help me." Conor said.

"Calm down your right here." Mike said, the kitchen was right next to the living room, Conor could hear us talking as though he was right next to us. Nice thing about random houses you get from horny elderly mayors. They come with furniture, and all the family’s crap including depressing mementos is gone.

"Fine fine fine" Conor said "how hungry is everyone?"

We all were starving, so in unison we just said "Make as many as you can" with an impish shrug Conor got to work.

We bickered and fought and discussed for hours, we took a semi-break to eat brownies. It was a semi-break since we were still talking with brownies clogging our mouths.

"Yea I think Royal Royce would be a nice name." Dan would say. “Besides that’s what I told Dashie”

"Sounds pretty gay." Mike would always state.

"Nah man Royce is a boss name." Nico would say, this went on 4 or 5 times until Mike gave up.

"Brown, what kind of a name is that?" Conor would always say, while making more brownies.

"You make brownies right?" I'd say.

"Browns sounds like a black comedian." Conor would always say; Browns was out of the question.

We finally came up with Nico's name, Marble.

"Augustus?” Nico would always ponder.

"Because every other name we came up with was shit." Mike would always say with a chuckle.

"Sure why not, if I hate it I can just be Marv." 3 down 3 to go (Mine was dam obvious).

Conor and Mikes came at the same time.

"How about Courageous C?" Mike asked; Conor jumped in excitement.

"How about MP?" Conor said in a quick combo.

"MP?" Mike asked

"Mike Pride" Conor said; Mike gave a nod of acceptance.

Last was Tyler's

"How about Neon?" Mike asked in a half-assed attempt.

"Why not" Tyler said with a shrug

It took all day but our names were down:

Mike V- Vespi

Mike H- MP

Conor- Courageous C

Tyler- Neon

Dan- Royal Royce

Nico- Augustus

Everything was set. Dan confirmed that Dashie didn't know his real name (Impressive skills) and Rarity knew my name was Vespi, or my nickname at leastly. We spent the next half an hour practicing before the boredom was about to crush us all.

"Let’s go hunting!" Conor said

"With what?" Mike said "We don’t even have hunting knives; and I doubt there is anything good to hunt."

"Let's just go walk into town, find something cool" I offered

"Why not" Mike said with that shrug "Let’s get going; before I die of diabetes" He tossed his last brownie

By the time we got to the heart of Ponyville we were all pretty tired, we had an early dinner at a restaurant and basically spent the rest of the day practicing our new names with aloof ponies. We screwed around a bit, buying apples from the orange pony only to sell them to other ponies for steeper prices.

We found pinkie pie and switched her icings with kerosene (Don’t ask). When she put a candle on one of the cupcakes the entire batch ignited in a massive fireworks display of cupcakes, beautiful.

All of this stuff was good to appease our thirst for adventure for the moment, but we needed a real adventure. Not making explosive cupcakes or screwing people over with apples, and we got our chance.

We saw 2 stallions both in gold plated armor. Both also had a mask screaming "Fear" and "Confusion". Mike Hoppe took the offensive.

"Hey Major Faggot, Colonel Hooker" Mike said with a slight bow.

The 1 pony didn't even have time to smack Mike on the back of the head before his friend could ask us a favor.

"Dam colts, no respect." The old pony grumbled "We need YOUR help."

"Why can't crap effectively anymore?" Mike said and we all stifled laughs.

"No, we have a major problem; very major AND very rewarding." Said the younger pony, major wasn't my favorite word. Rewarding on the other hoof, was a personal favorite.

"Sure, what do you guys need?" Dan said

***

"Backpacks"

"Check"

"Hiking gear"

"Check"

"Brownie"

"Check"

"Extra cash"

"Extra check"

Wow, I was still stunned at how much we were being paid for doing this! 5000 gold coins! That is a lot, maybe 10k back on Earth. What we had to do? simple find a jewel, hidden in a cave.

I still remember how easy the old pony had made it sound

"Okay all you have to do, is find a shiny rock up in a cave. Sounds good?"

We all nodded not paying attention.

"Good, hears some money for equipment and a map. Good luck"

Seriously 5000 gold coins for this? What are there sentry guns and bouncing betties waiting for us? Probably not, but then again.... no never mind no.

"Everyone ready?" I said

Everyone gave a nod.

"Then let's get them"

Money here we come

"Okay so where are we going again?" Mike asked, tired

"They didn't exactly give us a direct location" Dan said fumbling with the map "We just have to find a cave and go in and find this box, there should be these jewels in it."

"So why don't we just steal the jewels?" Mike complained

"Because they will have your asses and have my wings" Nico said

"Okay right now- what the fuck was that!" Mike said; the last part was so fast it sounded like one massive word.

We all saw what Mike was talking about, we couldn't see it very well, but there was this massive Pink smoke coming out of a cave on top of one of the mountains.

"Screw jewels" Conor said "I smell brownies!"

"No that's just shit" I said, motioning to a greenish brown turd right by Conor's hoof.

"Drunken Russian do you read me" Dan said into a fake microphone "Drunken Russian do you hear me?"

We all waited a moment

"Dan that was pretty dumb" I said, I'm pretty sure the Russian wasn't constantly watching us.

"Wait what?" The Russian called out from thin air.

"Shit you are watching us?" Dan said, eyes the size of saucers

"No I can hear you" The Russian said angry "I was taking a dump"

"Okay okay okay" Mike said trying to get the Russian off the topic of his crap.

"Do you know anything about pink smoke?"

The Russian waited a couple moments

"Do I look like a floating wiki to you?" The Russian said livid

"No you SOUND like a floating RUSSIAN wiki." I corrected

"Either way I don't know anything about magical pink smoke, go find it yourself."

The Russian said, out of the blue a M9 Beretta came out of clean air

"Here take this, im going to get back to fixing this protocol"

We all looked at each other; he gave us a pistol, a fucking pistol. I picked it up in my mouth and tried to position it in my mouth so I could use my tongue to pull the trigger

"Comon Vespi!" Nico taunted "If you can eat pussy you can do this!" And everyone including me laughed, my laughing made me spit out the pistol, it dropped to the floor with a metallic clang.

“How’d you know?” I asked; everyone looked at me like I was an idiot

"Ever try your hooves?" Conor squeaked

My god, it worked! I may not have fingers but I can hold a pistol as a pony, nice.

"Okay let’s go find out where that pink smoke is coming from" I said and we raced to the mountain.

(69 minutes later)*** (69 minutes later)

We were all weary and out of breath, even Nico the jock was panting and tired.

"Maybe we shouldn't have ran the entire way" Mike said putting his hoof up against the mountains wall to steady himself "For an entire fucking hour"

"And nine minutes" Tyler added "Whoa that was 69 minutes!" Everyone wanted to laugh but we were too tired "Get it like the position!"

Dan tried to speak, barely mustering a coherent sentence "Not as fun, as, as, as you may think," He said almost falling face first into the dirt.

Although we basically failed to follow simple logic we were smart enough to rest a little bit. I laid down by the bottom of a lone tree, Dan and Nico laid down on their separate branches, Mike dropped down in the dirt, Conor was laying askew maybe 5 yards away and Tyler was just being Tyler (Half dead).

(6.9 minutes later)*** (6.9 minutes later)

"Alrighty I’m set" I said getting up

"Ready Dan? Mike? Tyler? Conor? Nico?"

Everyone got up and stretched out a bit Tyler again spoke up "Guys that was 6.9 minutes exactly"

“How do you know this stuff?” I asked

“Gland In my brain” he said pointing to his head “Tells me this stuff. But get it?”

Dan this time had more energy and completed his sentence "Tyler 69 is a number, now shut up and lets go find that pink smoke emitter" We could all see an entrails of fluffy pin smoke, almost like cotton candy, lazily drifting out of the mouth of the cave, twirling in the air heading towards the town.

"Okay guys lets breach!" mike said, making a MW3 reference

“Why?” I asked; even though we all liked COD that sounded pretty dumb

“Just go with it” Tyler said

No one really did it the right way, Dan just put his hoof up against thin air and said "BREACHING!" he made a fake explosion and we all ran inside, my pistol drawn.

We were all stunned at what we saw

"Sup hoes"

"You like the suit?"

It was Harrison Ayan, a good friend from school, dressed as a juggernaut. He was wielding a M60 in one hand and slumped over his obese back was a riot shield. His bullet proof armor coated him from head to toe, through his visors you could see Harrison’s semi-retarded smirk.

"Harrison" I said mouth ajar

"What the fuck!" Mike said

"Yea pretty awesome suit right?" Harrison said with a smile; I couldn’t help but notice the gun was loaded with a large clip of ammunition.

"No fucking gay!" Mike said enraged

"Why?" Harrison said still smiling "I thought you liked my recon juggernauts"

"No being ponies is our thing" Mike said thrusting a finger at Gayan "Bitch you don't come into our world and fuck things up?”

"I'm not a pony" Harrison said "I am a juggernaut"

"IN FUCKING PONYWORLD!" Dan said; this was terrible; Harrison came into our world, dressed up as a monster and he thinks it is cool! It was cool but he was Ayan!

"Fine I was going to give you some of my cotton candy smoke" He said motioning to a dumpy looking clump of electronics; it was spewing out the smoke at a constant pace.

"That stuff doesn't look safe" I said, seeing normal blackish gray smoke come out, and intertwined into the cotton candy mass.

"But now" He said loading a belt of ammo into his M60 "time to die"

"Wait what........." We all said in unison.

""I know what will happen now; I can see the future you know!"

"Like at the Catillion" I said in a snide voice

At the Catillion Gayan got slapped by a girl; hilarious.

"Really what happens?" Mike said

"You" He said pointing to Dan "Will get laid"

"You" repointing towards me "Will get laid"

"You" pointing to Nico "Will get laid"

"Let me guess" I said, already knowing Ayan’s angle.

"We will all get laid and you won't"

"Exactly" Gayan said not changing his voice's expression. "So I’m like going to shoot you in the face." Gayan then smashed down on his M60 and spayed rapidly, he was shooting at us!

Luck for us there were rocks casually dropped here and there in the cave. we all managed to jump behind something before any parts of the lead came close.

"Shit we need the Russian!" I screamed

"Well I’m not helping you" The Russian said, we could hear him giggling in the background.

"Why?" I asked

"Because I was taking a dump!" He said angrily "At my age do you know how hard that is!"

What

"Okay please just help us!" Dan pleaded

"Nah, get Russian trolled bitches!" he said, he was gone.

"Any smart ideas?" I asked depressed that I was going to die at 13. I then realized I was an animal; whether in pony or human form, it was survival instincts to do anything to survive. So I aimed the small pistol and shot at Ayan; my friend. 2 of the rounds missed but the third one popped Ayan right in-between the eyes; sadly the suit blocked it completely; Ayan’s only response was a laugh and “Bro you are going to need something bigger!”

I saw Mike’s eyes double in size; he had an idea, normally that was bad but at this viewpoint we needed anything we could get.

"I got it!" Mike said "Remember when we beat up that guy?"

Everyone nodded

"I already had a 3 point streak that was plus one." Everyone nodded "And I had hardline pro on"

"Wait what?" I asked confused if this was just a sick joke "I don't get it."

"Know what I can get with that?" It all clicked

"PREDATOR MISSLE!" Mike called it in, a random briefcase appeared on the ground next to him, and he began clicking and typing things, I didn’t really understand what had just happened; at first I thought it was just a cruel unicorn joke. It smashed right on top of Ayan, we all ducked and covered. The massive explosion covered the room, sweeping dirt away and smaller pebbles.

When we looked in Ayan’s direction we saw he was no more. A helmet landed by me, I picked it up

No one could survive that; not even Ayan

We were all shocked, we killed someone, but luckily I know how to change moods easily

I picked up the helmet and put it on my head

"Hey guys! I'm like Harrison so yea; I may be 6:20 but it’s cool you know?" Everyone laughed, sardonic impersonations are great.

"Do you know what this calls for?" We all turned around to see Pinkie Pie behind us, smiling happily.

"What..." Conor asked

"A PARTY!" Pinkie Pie jumped,

"Okay let's just get back home and get all patched up" Nico said, patched up? No one got shot

"What do you mean- HOLY SHIT!" Dan said. I turned to Nico, he was very pale and one of his wings was half torn off; there was crimson blood slowly trickling down the wing then down his hoof and then began to form a puddle by his foot.

"Yea I’m no doctor but I think I am seriously going to die right now" Nico said wobbling a bit,

"Jesus we need a doctor now!" I said, I wasn't about to let a friend die right now, like this.

"OkiDoki!" Pinkie Pie said,

For a moment I was so scared of Nico's health that I didn't know what had happened, I just froze. When I thawed out of my stupor I found I was back in the Town square, Nico was now just laying, his mangled wing to the sky still spewing out blood at a now even more alarming pace. Several strong looking stallions let by a massive red workhorse picked Nico up and dragged him off to possible help.

"Pinkie Pie" I started, "How did you do that?" I heard a faint giggle from behind; I turned around to see a nice lavender unicorn standing there.

"I did it," She said "Pinkie Pie's tail began twitching and we narrowed it down to Conor being in trouble, or some kind of weird hijacking."

"Okay...." I said, Conor I could understand the hijacking on the other hand seemed out of place.

"Wait why had Pinkie Pie chased after Conor?" Mike asked

"Silly don't you know?" Pinkie Pie said hopping up and down "He's the brownie to my cupcake!"

"Conor made me brownies once" I said "They tasted like vomit.”

Not lying, bad frosting (Reverse hydrogenated vomit) makes any delicious treat kill you on the inside. That is what you get for calling Conor “Brown”

"Really?" The lavender pony said "He and Pinkie made some and the seemed alright" She quickly added "O I’m Twilight."

Twilight as it seems was a petite (French for something) lavender unicorn, her cutie mark resembled what seemed to be sparkles. Twilights’ sparkles? I would have to study her more carefully.

All my friends began to head back to the house, I haven’t actually seen Twilight yet so far, Rarity talked about her for a brief moment back at the party, nothing that I bothered to dwell over though.

"So how'd you find us?" I asked

"Well Pinkie's tail began to twitch a ton" She said, Pinkie Pie was jumping up and down for no apparent reason.

"I see I see" said urging her to go on, frankly at this moment I wanted to become as distant to my friends as possible, Nico's injury and them leaving was helping to ease my conscious; but I could feel my conscious building up like a heavy load on my back.

"So I used a spell to find Conor and-" I stopped Twilight mid-sentence "Wait you have a spell that can find people?!" I haven’t seen real pony magic, Mike was a unicorn but he didn't know any tricks.

"Yup" She said with a prideful grin "I did after all get my cutie mark from magic after all"

So that's where she got that sparkles magic cutie mark, from magic.

"Cool" I looked over to my flank and saw my cutie mark "Yea I got mine from being myself"

She giggled a bit

"You’re Funny!" She said still giggling "What's your name?"

"Vespi" I saw Pinkie Pie run towards us, her eyes bouncing from side to side in adrenaline "let me guess Pinkie"

I put my front hoof in Pinkie's face to prevent her from responding

"You’re going to have a 2nd party for Ni- I mean Augustus?" I wasn't very good at all the code names, had to be more careful.

"Augustus?" Pinkie Pie said confused "The pegasus who got smashed? He looks more like a Caligula or a Trojan to me!" She said with a giggle, how did she know about Roman emperors?

"Well he’s Augustus" I said

"No he is Caligula!" Pinkie Pie screamed in a high pitched voice.

"No he is Augustus" I said again

"NO HE IS CALIGULA! HE IS A CALIGULA!" Pinkie Pie went insane spazing out jumping, bouncing, running, summer salting all over like a madman. She finally left my line of sight in mid cart wheel.

"So is that normal behavior?" I asked

"Yea..." Twilight said "I haven’t really told any of the other mares but frankly I think Pinkies like a sadistic rapist." She said “Or something, I mean, is that normal behavior?” She added

"Really" I said half surprised; Twilight seemed like a more innocent person, perhaps a bit younger then Dashie or Rarity. "Do the other mares think that?"

"Probably not" Twilight said "Apple Jack has her head up her ass, or more commonly Dashie's ass" We couldn't help but laugh for a moment "Fluttershy can barely talk, Rarity is a snob, and Spike is too naive."

"Wait whose Spike?" I asked

"Him?" Twilight said "After that Canterlot exam hes been my little dragon brother" She sighed "He's really nice, but always trying to win Rarity over."

"Really?" I said with a giggle

"Yup" She smirked back.

For an innocent enough looking pony Twilight seemed to know a lot about things,

"So Dashie is lesbian?" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Eyup" Twilight said "Maybe bi, don't really know" She said

"Really, who’s Apple Jack?" I asked

"The apple farmer, also Dashie's lover" She said with a roll of the eyes.

"The less you say the more you hear" She added

"Really......" I now had the 6 names of the friends; Twilight Sparkle, Dashie, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Apple Jack; Seemed a lot like me and my group of friends, except about the 2 lesbians.

At that time Pinkie Pie came back, this time standing somewhat still

"Sorry about that, I'm going to go work on the party." She said in a resolute and calm voice.

"Okay Pinkie" Twilight said, Pinkie Pie began to walk (not run) over to my house.

"I guess I’ll see you at the party?" I asked

"Sure!" Twilight said "I have to get back to reading through, I'll see you then though" She said walking away,

I may have not noticed but I was the only one watching her cute rump as she walked away.

Next Chapter: The Ayan, the Magnificent, and the Ace Estimated time remaining: 2 Hours, 3 Minutes