It was all so exciting; even though I knew about everything ahead of time but this was an amazing spectacle to see in reality; the massive horde of ponies in every room, courtyard and tower. The food, the entertainment it was a true miracle.

The first half hour was me trying to get to the dam courtyard; seriously a complete HALF HOUR!!! It took maybe 10 minutes normally, but with the extra ponies congesting every route the extra 20 minutes felt like an hour.

When I got there I saw Applejack hosting… gerbil racing. Apparently there were 8 gerbils (I saw 7 though) and ponies betted money on which would win. Since AJ knew me I just brushed by the crowd and confronted her.

“Sup AJ what you doing?” I asked

“Making a fortune” He said, counting his money, stored in a small pouch “I’m hitting it big with this stuff. What have you been doing for the last half hour?”

“Getting here” I said, grimacing behind me at the massive crowd “What happened to gerbil number 6?”

“C ate him” Applejack said “C went insane like 15 minutes ago; that bastard loves his parties!” Applejack said laughing, grabbing a beer out of a cooler

“Okay then…” I said, backing away. I turned around to see a panting Twilight Sparkle heading towards my way

What happened?

“Thank god I found you Vespi” Twilight said, still breathing heavily “Your friend Dan is starting a riot; the Colonel said if you don’t calm him down they’re going to start cracking heads.”

“Wait what? Why?” I asked; had shit hit the fan in only 30 minutes?

“I don’t know; Dan got in a fight, and then the Wonderbolts- and then it just got crazy from there” She tried to catch her breath, letting out a long exhale “Go find your friend Dan; he was at the main gate the last time I saw him” Twilight said

Dammit the gate! I was just there half an hour ago!

I began rushing back; now I could tell that most of the ponies were heading deeper into the courtyard; shying away from the apparent riot at the front gate. Thanks to the help of the departing ponies the trip only took 15 minutes now.

When I got there I saw what Twilight meant; there was a large crowd of ponies standing off with a group of mean looking royal guards led by none other than Major Faggot.

“Dan, what the hell is going on?” I asked; he and a group of the stallions were yelling obscenities at the Royal Guards

“Hey bro, what is going on?” Dan said turning around with a smile “I guess you’re curious on what is going on…”

“Yea why is there a fucking riot going on. IN HASN’T EVEN BEEN AN HOUR!” I said

“Don’t ask; here just take this” He handed me a Molotov cocktail. It was an empty beer bottle with a string at the top; when lit it wound make a tidy little fire… so where did Dan get these?

“Dan I’m not throwing this” I said; Dan pulled out a lighter and ignited the device

“Then I advise you leave.” He said with a smile, before finally chucking it into the crowd of Royal guards. Have you ever seen a horde of civilians fighting riot police? Well it looked like Jesus shat out a hand grenade and the entire universe was right next to the grenade… if that makes any sense. When the Molotov hit it was instantly snuffed out by a circumspect guard; that didn’t stop the entire Royal Guard from running straight forward into Dan’s coalition of drunken idiots.

Frankly I didn’t want to know what happened next; I just backed away from the brawl. I just ran right into the nearest door; leading to a giant tower; I was up the first flight of stairs when I heard “CONOR WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!” I looked out a window. There was Conor; sitting on a giant blue bear; attacking both factions.

“DINGALINGALING NIGGAS!” I heard Conor scream. Remember what I said about last year’s Catillion? Yes well Conor did it all over again. But this time it was 10 xs worst.

Frankly I didn’t want to have anything to do with whatever was happening out in the courtyard. Perfect time for me to run into Nico

“Thank god I found you Nico; what are you doing?” I asked

“Can’t talk being shot at” He didn’t even stop running; he turned the corner just in time for a bullet to hit the wall refracting dangerously towards me.

Wait what is going on?

Then I saw 2 humans shrouded in black run across the hallway; they were both carrying M14 EBRs.

“Civie have you seen that pony?” One asked; I hated when police officers tried the ‘you’re a civie I’m an officer’ crap on people.

“Yea he went through the window” I said; I was joking of course, the window wasn’t even broken. But these guys were hardcore U.S. folk I assumed

“Thanks civie” The man said smashing the window “GRAPEVINE! We are grappling”

Code names? Really?

“Sir this civie is obviously lying; the window wasn’t even broken!” Grapevine protested

“FUCK LOGIC! FOLLOW YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER!” The leader fastened himself to the window and began to drop down the tower wall. You know the motto “never leave a man behind”? Well Grapevine just slashed the rope; leaving the leader to fall down 5 stories into a hard looking group of trees; hugging the castle.

“I hate that guy” Grapevine said scratching the back of his head

“Okay… I’m going to leave then” I said backing away

“Alrighty see you civie” The man put his own grapple on the window and began hoisting down.

Well it seems stuff was becoming stranger every minute; I saw a horde of brightly colored bugs fly through the courtyard beginning to eat everything. That’s where I saw Ayan; weilding a bulky looking flamethrower

“Thank god you’re here Ayan! What is going on?”

“Vespi, it’s Tyler” Tyler said; shooting fire into the air using a flamethrower

“Wait where’s Ayan?” I asked confused

“Fighting the Ursa Major; he sent me to get rid of the parasprites that Rainbow Dash released”

“Wait what? Parasprites? Ursa Majors?” I asked; this was becoming weirder every moment

“Yea don’t ask; this first half an hour is pretty strange” He stopped or a moment to blast fire at a cluster of parasprites; they fell to the ground shriveled up and brown.

“Umm are these things dangerous?” I asked; it didn’t seem like they were eating ponies; but they were nipping at clothing, food, and the castle itself.

“Not really; they ate Tyrus but other than that there fine.” Tyler said I could vaguely see his mane through the thick bulletproof juggernaut suit.

“Who’s Tyrus?” I asked

“Don’t worry about it; just go… go do something… Boris! More fire!” I saw a random case of fuel drop down; good old Boris

I had no clue on what was going on. Everything seemed out of the normal; or was it? Was giant blue bears, riots, parasprites, human assassins, and Tyler the pyromaniac out of order? No wait it was. Luckily I saw Rarity heading back to my room; lucky me.

“Hey Rarity; what is going on outside?” I asked, maybe she knew something

“I don’t have a clue; I took a 15 minute cat nap and saw that.” She said pointing outside to a group of Royal Guards fighting off the Ursa Major.

“Okay…” I said “I was stuck walking in the castle for the last half hour; something really weird must of happened when I was gone” I turned to the opposite window; Tyler apparently had set something on fire and most of the ponies in the courtyard were in the process of running or fighting the fire. I even heard Applejack scream “Save the gerbils!”

“Wow” Rarity said rubbing her eyes “When did that happen?”

“In the time it took me to get from the courtyard to here” I said with a smile

“So since the entire castle has gone to hell was should we do?” She said with that lusty smile

“Sex?” I asked smiling

“Sex it is” Rarity said with a laugh.

Normally 6 friends and luck is all I need; but today luck was a bitch. When we were in pissing range of Rarity’s room I heard an Upper-Midwest accent come from behind us. “Rarity? Is that you sweetie?”

I was expecting a friend of Rarity; but this mare was older. She could have been old enough to meet Rarity’s mother

“Hi Mom!”

Crap

“Hey deary! Who is this?” I turned around to see a little and smiley pink mare with a 60’s haircut

“O this is Vespi; Vespi meet my mother.”

You thought the incident with AJ was awkward? Well I was in the middle of the castle in hell meeting Rarity’s mom.

“Nice to meet you" I said going to shake her hoof; fortunately she didn’t move away

“Nice to meet you; so how do you know my daughter Rarity?” she said, still smiling

What should I say?

“I’m her… friend?” I said blushing; she nodded

“Well I guess I should eat dinner; I’m famished! Rarity you should come with me!” The mare said

“I actually already ate; where’s Dad?” Rarity asked

“Already eating; we shouldn’t keep him waiting” The mare began heading the other way

“Later; I’ll find a way to sneak out of this” Rarity said; waiting for her mother to get out of audible range

“Okay; just don’t get burned, eaten, beaten, or whatever the hell is going out there.” I said with a wink

When she passed the corner I just realized; I had been cock blocked… this was really a strange night.

Don't get the story? Good you shouldn't

-Vespi Next Chapter: The Best Night EVER - Dan Estimated time remaining: 51 Minutes