“Hey, kid, you want some herb?”

Threnody turned towards the voice, and stumbled away from an unnerving pegasus popping out of the shadows.

“H-herb?” Threnody asked, looking at the mare’s garish orange fur under her old trench coat.

The mare nodded. “Mother Nature’s all-natural remedy for dealing naturally with the horrors of this not-so-natural wasteland.”

Puddle Splasher leaned over and whispered in Threnody’s ear. “She sure did use ‘natural’ a lot in that sentence.”

Threnody nodded, still looking perplexedly at the pegasus. “Is herb a drug?”

“Herb is an experience.”

“So yes… it’s a drug.” Threnody sighed. “I don’t really think we’re interested. Sorry.”

The mare held up a hoof. “What if I told you that herb was one hundred and twenty percent not addictive.”

“I would most likely call you a liar.”

The pegasus extended a wing, holding a single feather against Threnody’s lips. She opened her trench coat and revealed a whole plethora of products.

“Now, you don’t look like a pair of fillies who smoke.”

“Cigarettes are expensive, and I’m poor,” Threnody muttered, using her hoof to wipe away the grime left by the mare’s feathers.

“And the headmare at Stable 9 said that you make Director Fluttershy cry when you smoke,” Puddle Splasher added.

The sketchy pegasus nodded. “What if I told you that you could eat herb?”

Threnody snorted. “You can eat Mint-als, and those little fuckers sure are addictive.”

“Okay, but what if I told you that herb could be baked into…” She pulled out a box, “snack cakes?”

The shine on the box threw Threnody off. She’d never seen snack cakes in this good of condition before, though she was perplexed at why there were so many green leaves weaved into its art. Also, the bloodshot eyes of the mare on the front didn’t look very trustworthy.

“Er… we’ll pass,” Threnody said.

“Or how about…” The pegasus ignored her and rifled through her coat, pulling out another box, “cotton candy bites.”

Like before, the box was way too clean and smooth, looking rather off with green leaves and bloodshot ponies on the front. It also came from a company Threnody had never heard of. One known as Dank Nugs Industries, which she knew for a fact were not the original creators of cotton candy bites.

Who the hell were these herb-ponies, and how the hell were they producing boxes that looked so good?

It was… weird.

Then it clicked. These boxes were new, fresh from the factory. What the hell was Dank Nugs Industries, and how were they doing that? Did the means of making cardboard even exist anymore?

Threnody had never even heard of the herbs before. Well, besides like… cooking herbs. But you couldn’t get high off those.

Er, not that she tried or anything.

Unless it was when her mom made her special med-x and dash soup. Now, with that, you sure as shit could get high as balls.

That probably explained why she hated that soup so much. Actually, it probably explained why she hated her mother’s cooking in general.

In hindsight, there might’ve been a little tension between Threnody and her mother.

Gods, she really hated her mother.

Channeling this hatred, she shook her head forcefully. “Like I said. We. Are. Not. Interested!”

The herb-pony’s eyes narrowed, and she reached back into her coat. Threnody tensed for a split second, expecting the obviously addled mare to pull out a weapon. Instead, she pulled out a bottle of Sparkle Cola Cherry.

“How about herb-infused Sparkle~Cola?”

Threnody’s jaw dropped and her eyes began to sparkle. “I’m listening”

The addled, but extremely persuasive, mare smiled. “It’s twelve bits a bottle and contains twenty milligrams of…”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” a voice called from behind.

Threnody looked over her shoulder as she was fishing out her money pouch.

Bubblegum was marching towards them, an extremely pissed off look on his face. Blackjack was on his tail, equally worried.

Puddle Splasher waved her hoof. “Bubblegum. This weird pegasus is trying to sell us narcotics.”

“She’s doing what?!” Bubblegum roared.

The mare stepped back, quivering on her legs. “Oh, horsefeathers.”

He thundered up to her and grabbed the scruff of her trench coat, sending herb flying in every direction.

“What are you trying to get them addicted to? Mint-als, Dash, Rage?” He shook her before throwing her back. “Trying to get them while they’re young?”

The mare shielded herself as she fell to the ground. “Look, I’m just…”

“I got something to say,” Blackjack grumbled coldly.

Everypony looked at her.

Her expression was frigid. Threnody had dubbed this the I’m going to shoot you in the fucking face demeanour.

“What’s that?” Bubblegum asked.

Blackjack stepped over and picked up one of the boxes of herb. She examined it closely, hummed to herself, then glanced at the mare.

“What strains are you selling?” she asked, cracking a crooked smile.

Bubblegum facehoofed.

The pegasus blinked. “Uh… I got a lot.”

“Got any Seaddle Shade.”

The herb-dealer’s smile returned. “Hell yeah, I do.”

“Blackjack,” Bubblegum warned. “Don’t forget that this pegasus just tried to sell Threnody drugs.”

Blackjack waved a dismissive hoof. “Phhh, it’s only herb. Honestly, Thren can use it. It’d help her finally chill out a little.”

Bubblegum stepped threateningly towards her. “Yeah, that’s exactly what we need. A stoned, little filly who stops every ten seconds to point out every shiny thing and look at every interesting cloud.”

“It’d finally get her to eat,” Blackjack commented as she fished out her money bag. “And she won’t look like she’s 300% stressed 100% of the time. Isn’t that worth it?”

“Blackjack, you are not buying narcotics for her.”

“No, I’m buying them for myself. I’m simply stating that…”

Puddle Splasher leaned over, drawing Threnody’s attention away from the approaching blow up. “Hey, Thren?”

“Yes, Puddle?”

“Why are mom and dad fighting?”

Welp, I really wish I got this finished before Heartshine dropped Chapter 19 :I

Though let's be honest here. Threnody could afford to chill.

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