You sit at one of the outdoor tables of a restaurant, nibbling at a sandwich and sipping a cup of water. There really isn't much selection, in food or stallions. You hear some clinking and hoofsteps behind you, but you ignore them.

"Yer cut is under the chair. Don't go spendin' it all in one place."

"Thanks, shame about the cutie marks though."

Applebloom sighs.

"At least we got ta scratch off smugglin' an bein' town heroes."

The cutie mark crusaders scamper up onto seats around your table. Sweetie Bell looks around.

"Are you waiting for some one? Ooh, are you on a date?"

"Not really. I'm actually trying to think of who a friend of mine should try dating. Do you girls know of any good, eligible stallions?"

They share a look. Scootaloo rolls her eyes.

"We sang a song about it, the only good one is-"

Applebloom puts a hoof over Scoot's mouth.

"No longer available! Um, he is definitely unavailable for doin' weird things with mares that ah ain't s'posed to know about."

"Right, so aside from Big Mac, can you three think of any decent guys?"

Sweetie Bell shakes her head.

"We sang a song about it, there's nopony else. Well, maybe if you give us the name of your friend, we could sing a new song..."

Eh, you can trust them about as far as you can throw them, and they're pretty light.

"Luna."

Sweetie frowns, and takes a deep breath. Banjos and harpsichords start up on the edge of hearing.

"Luna is strange and cold, the perfect stallion must be brave and bold..."

The background music falters. Scootaloo joins in hesitantly.

"She's an okay princess, it'll probably end with ince-"

Applebloom silences her again. The background music fades away, unfulfilled and a little discordant.

"That was a...nice try, girls. I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing."

Applebloom tilts her head.

"Whah can't you be her coltfriend? Is it cuz you're still-"

She glances around conspiratorially.

"In the dresser?"

"That's not it, I'm-"

Sweetie Bell taps Applebloom.

"In the closet, not the dresser. I read all about it in one of Rarity's secret magazines."

Scootaloo looks interested.

"Secret magazines?"

Sweetie nods excitedly.

"Like, Bridled Brothers, or Bits for Bottoms, or this one full of stories about reluctant stallions down on their luck, forced to-"

"Okay! Very educational, but not applicable in my situation! Luna and I just have a complicated history, some of which you already know."

The unicorn nods in understanding.

"I get it, it's like this one story, where the stallion has a grudge with his boss's brother, but gets transferred to his division, and has to let him stick his-"

"Enough!"

What the hell, Rarity? The fillies giggle and run off, Sweetie taking the lead. So much for the youth of this generation.
Cheerilee steps out of the restaurant and sits across from you at your table.

"It's nice to see somepony really talk to them, and listen as well."

"Funny, I seem to remember you screaming that if I so much as breathed in their direction-"

She clears her throat.

"We all say things that we mean with every fiber of our beings. But I admit, I was wrong about you. You are a much better stallion than I had thought, judging by how strongly you smell of the Mayor."

You choke on air at that.

"Really?"

She nods benignly.

"I also overheard your little problem. If you are going so far for one who wronged you, that speaks for itself."

You'd say something, but the truth is...strange and not really a good topic for public spaces. She continues.

"I'm afraid I can't help you with your problem, though. It'd be a conflict of interests; Ponyville doesn't have much in the way of good, single, stallions."

"And you're telling me this because..."

"I'm going to be following you!"

...

"What about teaching at the school?"

"It's a Saturday."

You do tend to lose track of days.

"Aren't you worried about your reputation? I'm pretty sure ponies are still suspicious of me."

Cheerilee pats your hand.

"That's sweet of you to think of me, but if you are seen with me, that improves your reputation, which then improves mine as a kind, perceptive pony."

"Fair enough."

You drink the rest of your water and leave some bits behind for the meal. The schoolteacher gets up as you do, trotting to keep up with your stride.

"Who do you plan on visiting first?"

"I was thinking that one guy with the hourglass cutie mark... Do stallions call them cutie marks?"

"Time Turner? I believe some prefer to say 'destiny brands', but most of them just use the normal term."

"Understandable."

You set off towards the clock shop. You would only go there once or twice in a lifetime, but the cutie mark crusaders became regular guests of yours. Even then, you haven't talked to...Time Turner? all that much. He's always been very businesslike, and largely uninterested in whatever hijinks broke your clock this time. The bell on the door rings as you open it. Time Turner looks up from a partially dismantled timepiece.

"I had had some hopes that you would outlast the week, you were on a roll."

"It's doing fine for once, the mesh cover works like a charm. I was actually wondering, what do you look for in a mare?"

He glances at Cheerilee, where she is rather obviously eavesdropping outside.

"A certain amount of confidence is preferable."

Looking back to you, he sighs.

"I can't say I really have a 'type' as it were. I would much rather meet the mare and get to know the balance of her flaws and virtues. So if you would bring in the mare in question, that would facilitate matters admirably."

You rub your chin as Cheerilee slips into the shop.

"I'll have to see if Luna will come out here then."

He looks at Cheerilee in confusion.

"Luna? Then is this mare your intended?"

She blushes at that.

"No! No, I am just accompanying him, helping him put names to faces. Did you know he didn't know your name was Time Turner until I told him?"

The clockmaker blinks.

"Do you know his name as well?"

That's your clock bro. Cheerilee raises her eyebrows.

"His name is Anonymous."

Time Turner nods at you.

"Nice to meet you."

You nod in response.

"Likewise."

The three of you stand there awkwardly for a moment, then he returns to his work. Cheerilee jerks her head towards the door.

"I think we're done here, don't you?"

"Pretty much."

You wave at the clock guy and he waves back, not looking up. Classic clock guy. Outside, you have the uncomfortable feeling you should talk to some strangers, but you ignore it. You set out towards Sweet Apple Acres. Cheerilee is a bit more leery about following along.

"Do you at least know the next one's name?"

"Eyup."

You can almost taste her skepticism.

"Care to share with the class?"

"Nope."

She sighs.

"It's Big Mac, isn't it?"

You grin.

"You said the name before I did. Now you will never know if I knew his name, or if I thought he was Eyupnope the pokemon pony."

Cheerilee facehooves.

"Anonymous, everyone knows Big Mac. He's the most eligible pony in town, and what is a pokemon?"

"A creature that only says its name. I know you two have some history, are you sure you want to come along?"

She smiles weakly at that.

"You won't give me the slip that easily. I'll be fine."

You shrug. The summer afternoon is peaceful, light breeze taking the edge off the heat. The two of you walk in comfortable silence. As you near the orchard, something barrels out of the trees. When it awkwardly vaults over a fence, you get a good look at it. It seems some pony managed to lasso the front legs of a timberwolf pup tight against its chest. Thus you aren't too surprised to see a lightly battered Fluttershy tackle the fleeing creature and pin it to the ground. She manages to tie up the hind legs by the time you get there, Cheerilee wisely hanging back.

"Quite the catch there."

Fluttershy looks up in surprise.

"Yes? Oh, Anonymous. Yes, he is a good catch, isn't he? Yes you are!"

The timberwolf whimpers. Better you than me, bud. Cheerilee cautiously approaches.

"That looks dangerous. Surely you aren't planning on keeping it with your other animals?"

Fluttershy suddenly looks a bit more nervous.

"Oh no, just around some nice predators who can teach it all about how much better things can be with me. I'm sure I can make him come inside."

Cheerilee looks impressed, but her teaching reflexes take over.

"Did you mean you can make him come around? Such as to your point of view?"

"Ah, yes. That is definitely what I meant. No other meanings."

That reminds you.

"Hey Fluttershy, would you like to join the innuendo club?"

The schoolteacher chokes on air. Fluttershy tilts her head.

"What's that?"

"It's a club for talking about sex while not saying sex words."

Fluttershy beams.

"Oh that sounds wonderful, I really need to practice that."

"Great! I'll let you know about locations and times when I figure them out."

The pegasus nods.

"Good boy. Now, if you will excuse me, if you want to, I'll just be taking this doggy home."

"Right. See you later!"

She flies off, her catch held secure in her hooves. Cheerilee looks at you with a certain amount of disapproval.

"Innuendo club? Really?"

You shrug.

"Celestia's idea. Royalty, am I right?"

She lets out a nervous chuckle.

"Royalty, yeah."

You walk along in silence.

...

"Who's in so far?"

Heh.

"Me, Celestia, the Mayor, and now Butterfry."

She is about to correct you, but then she catches the smirk on your face. She rolls her eyes instead.

"Thinking about joining yourself?"

"Hardly. I would like the final member roster, it would be good to have a list of the immature perverts in town."

"I can hardly wait to tell the princess what you called her."

Cheerilee huffs.

"If the horseshoe fits..."

"Fair enough."

You spy Applejack just off the path to the family house. You give her wave.

"Good afternoon! Apples ripening alright?"

She looks at you and Cheerilee, unsure of how to respond.

"Here'n there. Can ah help y'all with something? Anything at all?"

"We were actually hoping to talk to your brother. Do you know where he might be?"

Applejack squints into the distance.

"Ah reckon he's down in the north fields, row 39 or so. Ah'll be around here if you want me for anything. Anything at all."

Welp.

"Thank you kindly, Applejack."

You set off to the north. The teacher pony gives you a knowing look.

"She was very helpful."

You shrug.

"There are a lot of good ponies here in Ponyville."

Cheerilee hums in amusement.

"Anything at all, she said. Twice, I do believe."

"Southern hospitality."

That's still a thing, right?

"I'd say she was feeling quite hospitable, in a southern sort of way."

"Why, Ms. Cheerilee, are you sure you wouldn't like to join a certain club?"

You can tell she's having fun teasing you.

"Quite. It's beginning to sound less like a club, and more like a harem. Are you by chance, a Saddle Arabian?"

"I'm sure I'll find some stallions with a taste for double meanings, especially with you acting as bait."

"A taste for double meanings? I didn't know you swung that way too."

All these apples are faking you out. Each time you glimpse a patch of red, your dumb eyes jump to the wrong conclusion. In the mean time,

"I'm just following the example of our sunny ruler."

...

"Really?"

"I personally watched her eat out another mare."

Cheerilee bites her lip.

"Damn. Does she have a long tongue?"

Even school teachers have needs, you suppose.

"It felt pretty long to me."

She actually stops in her tracks. You look back.

"Coming?"

"Since I have begun to gain an understanding of your nature, I must ask. Were you a mare at the time?"

"Nope!"

"Right. Okay. Well, yes, let us go on and find Big Mac."

You eventually find him bucking halfway down a row.

"Hey, Big Mac! How goes it?"

He looks up.

"Hello, Anon, Ms. Cheerilee. It's going alright."

You get within a comfortable speaking distance. Cheerilee smiles.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? I must say, you are looking well."

"Eyup."

Yeah, you're not getting involved in whatever is going on. Cheerilee picks up on that too, and coughs nervously.

"Mac, Anon here wants to ask you something."

He turns to you expectantly. How to go about this...

"You know Luna?"

He nods.

"Ah know of her."

"Right, so I had...noticed that she doesn't really have much in the way of informal associations. Since you are so polite and dependable, I thought you would be a good friend for her?"

He blinks.

"That's your question?"

"Yes."

Big Mac rubs his chin and glances at Cheerilee.

"Ah might not be the best for it. Some might say Ah'm not around enough."

Cheerilee winces.

"I...don't think that will be a problem. The princesses are generally pretty busy, so you might end up meeting only once every other day or so. At any rate, think about it. I'll be talking to some other ponies, but I figured you'd have the best shot."

He nods at that.

"Ah'll keep that in mind. Well, I'd best get back to buckin', unless there's somethin' else?"

"I'll let you get to that."

Cheerilee offers a half smile.

"I'll see you around."

He nods at that, and goes back to the tree he was working on. As you walk away, you notice Cheerilee shaking her head and sighing. Even though she's the one that followed you here,

"Sorry about that."

She shakes her head again.

"It's not your fault. It's just, when I see him, I remember all the good times from when we were together, and I have to remind myself why we broke up."

"That's rough."

You have to admit, your sympathetic vocabulary is rather sparse. Cheerilee sighs again.

"You said it."

The two of you walk along in silence for a little while. The teacher looks up at the sun.

"It'll be pretty late by the time we get back. Looks like you'll be on your own for the evening, so give Applejack my regards."

With that she gallops off.

"Good night!"

She gives you a wave, then vanishes behind the next hill in the road. There goes a complicated mare. You walk along the path between the apple trees, just taking in the relaxing air.

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you know?"

The leaves rustle in the wind.

"If you take too much, you'll regret it later,"

You're getting closer to the Apple family house.

"And there's always one that has coconut or something inside that you know someone has to like, but that someone is not you, so you spit that bit out."

You aren't really sure where you are going with this. Neither is Applejack. She stands frozen, right before she was going to buck the tree. You have a nice view of her plot, her tail raised in preparation for the kick. She stares resolutely away, her legs trembling in...fear? Arousal? Probably both.

"Are you gonna spit me, uh, in?"

"What is that even supposed to mean?"

"Ah don't know, you was the one talkin' about spittin'!"

...

"Look, I refuse to sexualize a mangled Forrest Gump reference."

She finally turns her head and glares at you.

"Ah don't care about no forest stump, go an' sexualify me!"

"Do you mean sexualize?"

You may or may not be a terrible person. She rubs her face with a hoof.

"Ah been waitin' nice and patient like for you and that schoolteacher hussy to get done talkin' to mah brother, and-"

"Hussy?"

She narrows her eyes.

"Ah trust her with kids, not mah brother. Ah only let her by on account of you playin' chaperone. Ah appreciate that, and how you sent her a thinkin' about what she's done. That's why ah want you to rape me, right here, right now. You earned it."

This is so messed up. She walks around and leans her forehooves high up on the trunk of the tree, turning her back to you.

"Now take me like a dirty, no good, lyin', two bit, snaggletoothed, stupid whore."

How can you deny so polite an invitation? You slip out of your clothes and come up behind her. You trail your fingers across her taut flanks, your erect member pressing against the valley between her thighs.

"You know,"

You whisper,

"Miss Cheerilee told me to give you her regards."

You slide one hand up her side, then her neck. She shivers at the touch. You turn her head towards you, knocking off her hat in the process.

"This is from her."

You lean down and kiss her lips, your tongue prying and prodding at her sealed mouth. Your other hand slides over her hip and down, down to her dripping marehood. She makes a muffled sound of protest. You take advantage of the distraction and push your tongue past her lips, reveling in her frantic attempts to push it back out. You slowly push your cock through her clenched thighs. She whimpers at the sensation, her mouth going slack. You spend a few moments exploring every inch of her mouth, rolling her limp tongue about. She doesn't react, except for shifting her thighs back and forth, giving your cock a velvety massage. You break the kiss.

"Not much resistance once you have a dick between your legs, huh?"

She looks away and leans her head against the tree.

"Ah'm not a loose mare!"

"Oh, I agree."

You grab her hips and align yourself. Applejack's breath hitches. You thrust into her warm pussy, leaning close to whisper,

"You're a very tight mare."

She shudders. You get a rhythm going, keeping one hand on her hip for stability. Your other hand wanders, sliding along her belly, gripping her throat for a short moment. She lets out a low keening, and her vagina spasms.

"I think you and Fluttershy would get along great in bed. You're just a stupid animal, aren't you?"

You can see her grin, before she covers it up with a grimace.

"Ah ain't-"

You hilt, grinding your pelvis against her firm ass. She collapses against the tree, panting.

"Ah ain't, oh Sun and Moon, Ah ain't a r-ruttin' animal!"

You cover her mouth with one hand, your middle finger dipping between her lips and getting wet with saliva.

"Really? Now, why are you jealous of our nice friend Cheerilee?"

She stiffens beneath you, her winking pussy clenching around you.

"Why would you envy rolling in the hay with Big Mac? Do you wish this was Big Mac raping you right now? Are you that much of an animal, that you just want the biggest cock around inside you?"

You remove your hand from her mouth and wipe it off on her jiggling ass. Applejack tries to push her chest off from the tree, but your well timed thrusts are complicating matters. Finally she manages to lock her front legs straight against the tree, her breathing smoothing out somewhat.

"Don't tell no one you hear? Ah'll do anything you want."

You pause in mid thrust.

"Anything?"

She looks you straight in the eye.

"This ain't even mah rape fet-thing a talkin', Ah don't want no pony to know Ah got urges 'bout Big Mac."

"Understood."

She nods firmly.

"Good. 'Course, if'n you want to work that into the whole rape scenario, Ah won't complain none."

She blushes at that.

"Which, the Big Mac thing or the you'll do anything thing?"

She chews her lip.

"You can pretend to be Big Mac when we're in private, where no one even has a chance a hearin'. You can extort me anywhere, though."

You resume thrusting, marveling at the sight of her booty rippling with each pound.

"So I could tell you suck my dick in front of all your friends?"

She clenches at that.

"You'd best have a good explanation ready, but..."

She looks down at the damp spot in the dirt below her marehood.

"Ah'd choke on your cock in front of the whole town if it meant keepin' mah secret."

You pet her mane gently, feeling something stirring in your loins.

"Your secret is safe with me. Your body might not be, though."

She grins at that, then turns away.

"P-please, treat me kindly."

You lean in to nip at her ear, noticing as you do, how her legs are trembling and her breathing is coming faster than before.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you? Such a slutty little farmpony."

She shudders, grinding her ass against you.

"B-buck..."

Oh, she's close.

"Name it after me, you shameless cum dumpster."

Applejack's eyes roll back in her head as her pussy pulses and writhes around your rod. She whimpers unintelligible syllables, begging for your release. You clench your teeth as all the tension of the afternoon transmutes into unspeakable bliss. There's nothing in the world except you, Applejack, and your body's desperate attempt at filling her with every drop of your semen. She slumps down to the ground, cum falling from your dick onto her twitching flank. You wearily wipe off your cock with her tail, her eye tracking your every movement. That done, you slowly put on your clothes, then sit down in the dirt. Applejack chuckles.

"Mighty finicky for a stallion as just rutted a mare."

You shrug.

"There's sexy dirty, and there's soil dirty."

She rolls over, grinding her cum stained flank into the dirt with a grin.

"And now Ah'm both!"

You have to laugh at that, and she's not long behind. The sky is a vibrant orange by the time the two of you recover. You pat her cheek fondly.

"It's been fun, but I got to go home. Take care of yourself, now."

She tips her hat.

"You too. And remember, any thing you want."

You nod.

"I'll keep that in mind. Oh, and would you like to be part of the innuendo club? It's not as blatant as you are, but..."

She tilts her head.

"You want me to go somewhere you and others talk about ruttin' in thin little lies?"

Well, when she puts it that way,

She holds her hat to her chest in longsuffering sorrow.

"The things ah do to keep mah secret."

"I wasn't- well, at any rate, I'll let you know about the meeting when I plan it."

She puts her hat back on.

"Alright, now go on and let me see the back of you. You've done plenty enough 'round here for today, and ah still have things as need doin'."

You chuckle and walk away, content with a job well done.