It still strikes you as weird that some shop signs don't actually have words on them, just images. Quill and sofa. The proprietor greets you eagerly.

"Can I interest you in some quills or a sofa? You seem like a sofa kind of guy."

"Good guess, I am indeed in the market for a sofa."

He grins and motions you inside.

"I have sofas of all makes and models, magical and non-magical, rustic and sophisticated."

There are quite a few, almost more that you'd think could fit in the store.

"Magical couches?"

He jerks his head to a section of the store that you notice has a bit of a glow to it.

"Mostly secondhand, but I have a good friend in Canterlot who fixes up the spellwork, your safety guaranteed."

You step carefully here, more than a little wary of magic. Davenport senses this. He pats some cushions with a grin.

"I've personally sat on every once of these. Trust me, they aren't dangerous."

Then something catches your eye.

"Why's that one in a case? It looks like it's in surprisingly good condition, but you can definitely tell it's secondhand."

His smile turns rueful.

"That's one I got from a guy named boxcar Joe. I can't bring myself to sell it, but I still like to see it around from time to time."

Alright... At any rate, you start looking around. There are tags detailing the enchantments on the couches. Dreamless Sleep, Hangover Warding, Self-cleaning, and so on. You are reminded of your obligation to Luna. Better ease into the question.

"So, quills and sofas. It's an interesting combination for a shop."

At once, you can tell he gets the question fairly often.

"It is, isn't it? It started a while ago, when I had a friend in Celestia's school for gifted unicorns. I happened to be visiting while his marefriend was studying with him. They looked like they were so comfortable, wrapped up in research, lying together. That was when I knew that I wanted to help more ponies reach that special state. Perhaps one day, that'll be me."

Huh.

"Seems like Canterlot would be a better place, if you want to supply researching ponies."

"I do have a branch up there, but I want somepony for whom research is their life, not what they have to do for a degree. Ponyville is enough of a weirdness magnet that we get more than our fair share of researchers."

Fair enough.

"Like Twilight?"

Davenport laughs oddly.

"One of my best customers."

You pat his shoulder in sympathy.

"Not a sofa kind of mare, huh?"

He sags.

"Beds and chairs, nothing in between. It's tragic."

You nod.

"What do you think of Luna, then?"

He looks at you in confusion.

"Not much to go on, really. No offense, but why are you, of all ponies, asking about her?"

You acknowledge the point with a grimace.

"It's gotten complicated. Let's just say, that I owe it to her to help her find somepony to take the edge off of her loneliness."

His eyebrows rise.

"That is complicated...and you're going to have to look elsewhere. I'm more of a simple guy, and I don't want to get in the way of her crush on you."

...

"You said you didn't know her, how-"

He chuckles.

"I could be wrong, but she's already seen you in action, and now you're trying to put a stallion between her and you. It doesn't take Fetlock Bones to figure out what's going on."

You really hope that is not the case. Still, it does explain why she was in your dreams in the first place. And why she took it so badly. Crap.

"Right, never mind."

You sink down onto a nearby couch, and

Oh.

Oh my.

You lean against the backrest. It's like sitting in a cloud, with all the warmth of clothes fresh from the dryer. Davenport smiles.

"Nice, isn't it? Just between you and me, that one is from the college days of a certain couple currently in the Crystal Empire right now."

You believe it.

"How much?"

At this he looks regretful, and names a sum. You cough a little at the price.

"That's a lot for a couch."

He shrugs.

"It's about as low as I'm willing to go. Tell you what, though. You seem like a well-connected guy, I'll knock off a few hundred bits if you put in the good word for me."

That will still take most of your commission pay...

"Imagine how easy it would be to go from sitting together to lying together. It's just so warm and relaxing."

It is warm and relaxing. You check the tag for enchantments. [Warmth, Plush, Purifying, Guardrail, ...]

"Guardrail?"

"So you don't fall off while doing...things."

Easy come, easy go you guess.

"I'll buy it."

After some minor lifting, you have it up on two large, wooden dollies. You roll it out the back of the shop. The morning breeze is refreshing. You exchange greetings with ponies passing by, a bit of gray entering your peripheral vision.

"Anonymous, I can't tell you how glad I am to see you out and about in town!"

Mayor Mare trots up beside you, her gaze lingering on your arms.

"Not in public, that is."

You should probably pretend not to have heard that last bit.

"Good morning, Madame Mayor. Anything I can help you with?"

"Oh yes, I could use you in- ahahaha, forgive me, it is I who should be asking if you need any help."

She bites her lip, then continues,

"That couch looks awfully heavy, even with your strong arms and powerful legs. I could help you push, I am an earth pony after all. Look at how well toned my legs are!"

She poses a bit ahead, her hind legs locked and her rear slightly raised. Subtle.

"I see. Don't worry though, the couch is on wheels. I barely have to push it to keep it going."

The Mayor looks a little disappointed at that, but rallies.

"Might I ask what the occasion is? Are you perhaps at odds with the princess, and thus forced to sleep on a couch?"

If you didn't know better, you'd say she was fishing for gossip.

"No, I just had a feeling that I'd be getting more guests sooner or later. Might as well have a place for them to sit."

"You know, I pride myself on welcoming guests. Perhaps a mare's touch in your home would be nice?"

She strokes the couch suggestively. Then she stares at it. You smirk.

"A rather warm couch, isn't it?"

"You bought the Couch of Opened Flower?"

"Is that what it's called? Huh."

She glances between you and the couch.

"Replacing the bed, I see."

Fair enough, it is a bit better than your old bed. This whole conversation reminds you,

"Say, would you like to join the innuendo club?"

She stumbles at that, and you pause at the outskirts of town.

"P-pardon me?"

"Celestia and I have a fair amount of fun throwing around sexy double meanings. She wanted to do it more often, so she asked me to make a club around the idea. What do you say?"

"Of course, that sounds delightful. Indeed, it rather explains a letter I received earlier today."

She hands you a scroll, her hoof trembling. You take it and start reading.

"Dear Mayor Mare,
I would appreciate it if you were to personally welcome the human Anonymous, and offer him your every service and orifice. I know it is rather irregular, and you must not let a hint of this arrangement go beyond you and Anon. Even I must pretend to be in ignorance of this, for the good of my public image. You are a beautiful mare, a vision of youth and beauty. I hope Anonymous ruts you fully and regularly while I am not around.
Sincerely, Princess Celestia"

You roll up the scroll and wedge it between two couch cushions.

"What an interesting letter."

Mayor Made blushes slightly.

"The princess is a kind mare."

You continue down the country road towards your house.

"So, this is not in fact, a forged letter from a pony with unique access to correspondence from Celestia?"

Mayor Mare begins to sweat.

"O-of course not."

"Oh good. I do wonder how she would react if she found out about such a thing, a local mare taking advantage of Celestia's chosen consort."

The mayor wipes her brow with a hoof.

"My, but it's gotten hot quickly this morning."

"Don't worry, it's not much farther. I'm sure you'll feel better once we're inside."

"I'm sure I will." She mutters, glancing up nervously. Heh.

Soon enough you come to your door. Hmm. Perhaps you should have measured how wide the couch was before you bought it. You open the door and-

Celestia stands frozen, her nose buried in your pillow.

"Taking a break?"

She lifts her head up gracefully.

"Yes, well, bureaucracy is a terrible thing. There's so much paperwork I sometimes have trouble remembering what I have and haven't done."

Mayor Mare squeaks in dismay at Celestia's voice. You pluck the scroll from the couch.

"Do you remember writing this?"

She unrolls it, her brow furrowing.

"I can't say I do. Still, it looks like something I might write."

Seriously? She frowns.

"I don't know what I was thinking, though. That level of secrecy is hardly necessary, there is no way I could keep myself from noticing this arrangement, given how often I visit your home."

You don't believe it. The Mayor is actually getting away with this.

"I didn't think consorts would be allowed intimacy with more that one mare..."

Celestia smiles at you.

"Oh no, it's perfectly alright. It's not like we have all that much time together."

She rolls up the scroll and floats it back to you.

"Although, do tell me how she is. I'd like to hear all the juicy details."

You hear a strangled yelp from outside your door. Celestia hears it too, trotting over to look outside.

"Mayor Mare! What a nice couch, did you bring it yourself?"

The poor pony doesn't know what to say. You intervene.

"No, I bought it earlier today. Unfortunately, I forgot to take into account the width of my door frame."

Celestia pats your shoulder with a wing.

"Good thing I'm here, then."

The couch disappears in a flash of light, then appears inside the house. Mayor Mare timidly enters, ready to bolt at the first sign of hostility. Celestia makes a grunt of surprise.

"Did you know, this used to be Cadence's? It still has the stain on the center cushion."

She flips over the cushion, and there is a large, dark blotch on the cushion.

"I thought it had a purifying enchantment..."

Celestia flips it back over.

"Oh it does, it's just the marecum of a princess of love is more powerful. Well, as nostalgic as this all is, I really should return to work."

She kisses you on the cheek.

"See if you can't leave a mark yourself."

And then she's gone. Mayor Mare sighs in relief.

"We both know this letter is a forgery."

As you walk towards her, she looks at you in apprehension.

"I'm sure she just forgot about it...."

You grab her forehooves before she has a chance to back away. You lift her up and back her against the wall.

"It was such a shallow deception, I can't help but wonder if you wanted to be caught."

She stares at you, her shallow breaths hot against your skin.

"I wasn't-"

You lean down, until you are staring directly in her eyes.

"Maybe you want to be punished, like a bad, bad, filly."

Her eyes roll back in her head, a goofy smile on her face. Her body goes slack in your grip. Did she give up, or-

You let go, and she falls to the ground and lays still. You poke her.

"Mayor?"

You put a hand by her mouth. She's still breathing. Looks like you have an unconscious pony in your house. You shake her a little bit. No response. Welp.

"What am I supposed to do with you?"

She is remarkably unhelpful. Finally, you decide to just put her on the couch while you chop up some wood. She's heavier than she looks. You manage to heave her up onto the couch. She just lays there, her butt jutting out slightly.

...

You give one of her cheeks squeeze. The amount of give is unbelievable.

...

You really shouldn't be doing this, not while she's asleep.

...

You knead her cheeks with both hands, spreading them and squishing them. Nice. With some regret, you let go and set out for the woods. If you are allowed multiple mares... You're definitely going to need a bigger house.

You spend a good two hours cutting down a tree, sawing off its branches, deliberately not thinking of the Mayor's rear as you make the back and forth motions. You certainly don't think about all the suggestive things she said to you this morning. The glimpse of her marehood. You pause in your work, the nearly noon sun hot on your brow. You'll just go and get a drink of water. That's all. You wipe your hands off on your pants and head inside.

Would you believe it? She's still asleep. Defenseless. She managed to roll onto her back, her hind legs splayed apart. You're just going to pass by, and not look too closely at. Her delicate marehood. Her tender belly. You slip out of your clothes quietly, the scent of your sweat billowing out. You freeze as her nostrils twitch, but nothing else happens. Maybe she's just faking? You kneel by the couch, and softly rub her tummy. All you can feel is the slow rise and fall, and her soft, short fur. You slide your hand lower and lower. Emboldened by her lack of reaction, you start rubbing the outside of her lower lips. She's very warm down there, almost feverish. One of your fingertips accidentally slips into her pussy. She's wet.

"Mayor Mare? You're about to have a guest..."

"Oh good."

You stop, your blood running cold. The mare blinks blearily, rising out of sleep in a mild confusion. Then she sees your hand on her marehood. And that you are naked. Her nostrils flare, filled with your scent.

...

"Well? Continue."

Everything feels awkward now.

"Now I'm sorta not feeling it."

She raises an eyebrow at where your hand is still resting.

"You most certainly are feeling it. Would it help if I pretended to be asleep?"

Well, actually,

"Yes, that would help."

She rests her head back onto the couch.

"Oh, and you can cum inside me if you want. I wouldn't mind getting pregnant."

Can ponies even get pregnant from human sperm? You'd say probably not, but there is an entire race of eagle-lions that says maybe. You wait for her breathing to even out. Meanwhile, you try ignore how turned on you are by the fact that she would happily bear your child. You take a few calming breaths yourself, and clamber up onto the couch. You stare at her 'sleeping' face, your arms on either side of her head. With a guiding hand, you gently press your tip against her entrance.
With aching slowness, you push into her. The entire time, you watch her face for any twitch, any sign that she will break the illusion. You hilt in her moist passage. Did her breath just hitch? After waiting in silence for a moment, you continue. You withdraw slowly, your mouth agape at the sensation of her every fold. You impale her again.

Your hips begin to move with a mind of their own, gradually picking up the pace. You lean down and kiss her lips chastely. The sensation of her soft rear rubbing against your thighs is heavenly. With every thrust, it's a velvety stroke along your legs. You close your eyes and deepen the kiss, your mouth sealing against hers. She tastes of cinnamon and oats, her tongue easily moved about by your own. You can feel her hips buck, her inner walls stroking your erection. Her tongue comes alive against your own, and for a few moments they wrestle. Finally, you break the kiss, grinning at the mare below you.

"You're awake."

She smiles bashfully.

"You could wake the dead with such attentions."

You run a hand up and down her side.

"Are you saying I'm a necrophiliac?"

She must be very distracted, for her to be a politician and imply that. Genuine distress shows on her face.

"No! I meant that your cock is, ah, "

She throws her head back and writhes. For your part, you seemed to have found her sweet spot. Mayor Mare tosses her head back and forth, her mane becoming quite unkempt.

"Your cock is miracle, by the titans, it is!"

You bite your lip, exulting in the reaction you're getting out of this respectable mare. She wraps her hind legs around your waist and her forelegs around your neck. You get one glimpse of her sultry glare, and then she's tongue deep in your mouth and fighting to stay there. You rake your fingers across her back, careful not to press too hard. You are rewarded as her back arches into your touch, her tongue going slack, and her marehood clamping down hard and winking furiously. You roll onto your back, one hand keeping her surging hips pressed tight against your own. Her pussy desperately milks your dick, and you find a response building up inside you. The Mayor's mouth slides from your own, her frantic humping jostling her head down into the crook of your neck.

"Fu-uh-uh-uck me!"

Her lips brush against your neck. Your eyes shoot wide open, and you thrust deep into her. Your hands clamp down on her ass, pressing her firmly against you as your sperm jets into her womb, again and again. You rub her back gently, soothing her.

"That's right, take it all in. You are a good pony."

She snuggles contentedly against your chest.

"Tell me I'm a good mayor."

You chuckle, but keep rubbing her back.

"You are a good mayor. A vision of youth, beauty, and excellent in bed too."

Mayor Mare hums happily at that. You stay like that for a while, trapped by the warmth of the couch, and the mare on your dick.

Then somepony knocks on your door. She scrambles off, desperately trying to fix her mussed mane. You quickly put on a clean set of clothes.

"Hold on a minute!"

Still feeling a little gross and sweaty, you open the door. Twilight, Nat, and Applejack look up at you. Come to think of it, you hadn't seen either of the ponies in the crowd from yesterday.

"Can I help you girls?"

Twilight beams at you.

"Nat talks to me now! I understand what he wants, and we do all sorts of things together, and it's just great!"

"Oh, that's good?"

She nods happily.

"Oh, and Applejack has something to say to you."

Your turn to the appulpony. She doesn't meet your eyes, blushing intensely.

"Thank you for helpin' me realize that ah..."

Nat's hand strokes her mane. Could it always do that? Applejack glances at the doll, smiling ever so little.

"That ah like gettin' raped an' dominated an' humiliated. Twi told me about your culture, and that what I have is a, uh, fetlock?"

"Fetish." Twilight supplies helpfully.

"Right, a fetish for all that stuff. So, if you ever see me all alone..."

Now she looks you in the eye, her hips shifting back and forth slightly.

"Don't be holdin' back, y'hear?"

What.

"I'll...keep that in mind."

She nods firmly.

"Good. Just so's you know, ah'm ripe for the pickin', if'n you catch mah meaning."

"Riiiiggghhhtt."

You direct your gaze to Twilight.

"I can't actually impregnate ponies, right? Since I'm a human?"

She nods.

"Not without some significant magical intervention. Well, I won't take up any more of your time, I'm sure you have all sorts of things to be doing, as does the mayor."

Ah.

"You saw?"

Applejack scuffs a hoof.

"Through the window. We're a pair a peepin' toms, gettin' frisky at the sight a you rutting the honorable mayor til she can't think straight."

...

Twilight coughs.

"Yeah, let's go."

They trot away, with Applejack occasionally glancing behind her and twitching her tail out of the way. It's been an odd day, and it's only half over. You shake your head and return inside. Mayor Mare stands patiently by.

"I'm afraid Miss Sparkle was correct, I really must be getting back to my duties. Thank you Anonymous, this has been one of my most enjoyable mornings for quite some time."

You step aside and lean against the wall.

"You're welcome, it was good for me too. Oh, and about the innuendo club, I'll let you know when and where we'll meet, once I figure it out."

She tilts her head thoughtfully.

"Perhaps we could meet in my house? As Mayor, I have a fairly large space allotted for me, it would be nice to fill it up from time to time."

"Thank you for opening up your warm...home for our use. At any rate, I'll see you later."

The Mayor gives you a gracious nod.

"Until then, Anonymous."

After she trots out, you close the door. You finally have your home all to yourself. You have to admit, after several months of being village pariah, all this company takes some getting used to. Your mind drifts back to certain memories. You could get used to this. Your stomach growls, and you set about lunch. All the while, you fret over your princess problem. Rather than just asking at random, you need to think about who would actually be a good match. You need more data.