You wake, uncomfortably warm. Your nose is filled with the scent of vanilla. You open your eyes to see...

Sparkling pink? There is a weight on top of you, and it only takes a moment to guess what happened. With a sigh you lift Celestia up a bit and slide out. She doesn't stir from her sleep. After a moment's hesitation, you wrap the blanket around her.

An apple from the pantry, and you're outside, admiring the sunrise. It seems Luna can do at least one thing right. You finish the apple and toss the core into the field. Huh, looks like someone is coming down the trail. A pony and... a minotaur?

No...

What's Twilight doi- It seems she has Nat with her. Well, this will be interesting. Twilight comes to a stop about five feet from you.

"Anon, I need a favor."

"That's rich."

She fixes you with a resolute stare.

"Just hear me out. I...I need you to talk to Nat. I can't do it on my own."

"What are you talking about?"

Her gaze turns pleading.

"You... you're the only other human Nat knows. When you talk with him, he gets ideas, he becomes even more my husbando. Please, Anon. I need this."

Truth be told, Twilight always reminded you of a younger version of yourself. You don't mind doing this, but...

"I'll do it, but you have to help me convince your friends that I'm not a rapist."

"But Luna saw-"

"A sexy dream! A private dream, if I had my way. Are you honestly going to say that you have never had a sexy dream about Nat?"

She blushes.

"S-sometimes."

"Anyhow, those are the terms. I talk to Nat, you talk to your friends."

Twilight thinks about it, glancing at the dumb doll. She nods resolutely.

"It's a deal."

Silence stretches for a bit.

"So... how you wanna do this?"

Purplesmart looks at you, then Nat.

"Shall we try Fluttershy first? I think she'll need the most work, so we should start early."

You shrug.

"Sounds good."

Along the way, you...strike up a conversation? You probably shouldn't encourage Twilight's autism, but you turned out fine.

Sorta.

"So, Nat. I see you're riding bareback. Any reason you're not using a saddle?"

Twilight stares at you in confusion.

"Why would he be using a saddle?"

...

"Saddles are specifically so that a biped can sit on a quadruped comfortably."

"That's ridiculous, Anon. Saddles are formal wear meant to emphasize the curve of a mare's spine."

...

"Of course, what was I thinking. Changing the subject, Nat how do you feel about brushing Twilight's mane?"

"Uh, it's good. Like, really good. Do I get a boner from it?"

...

"If you do, that would be a little odd. It just seems like a nice way to spend time with your waifu. You could make it part of foreplay, where you brush her mane, and start stroking her neck, then her sides, and generally let your hands wander."

Twilight stumbles a bit, but keeps trotting.

"Wow, that's a good idea, Anon! All that hand action we humans do, it must be enjoyable for mares!"

A cottage rises from a crest in the road.

"I'm sure it must be. Now, about Fluttershy. I should probably hang back, or else she'll be too scared to think straight."

Purplesmart nods.

"That would be best."

You sit down behind the rise of the bridge over the creek and close your eyes. Twilight clip clops to the door and knocks. You hear the door open.

"Oh, good morning Twi- Ah! Another one!"

The door slams.

...

You call over your shoulder,

"Maybe Nat should stay with me?"

"No, I got this."

Twilight knocks on the door again.

"Fluttershy, it's okay. This is Nat, and he's very nice."

Butterthigh's voice is muffled by the door.

"R-really?"

"Really."

The door creaks open. After a moment, Fluttershy sighs in relief.

"Oh, it's just a doll. For a moment there, I thought there was another rape monster in Ponyville."

"He's not a d- I mean, Nat is my husbando and I am his waifu. He's not a rape monster at all, he even lets me read to him at night."

...

"Um, Twilight, it's okay if you have an imaginary coltfriend. Um, don't take this the wrong way, but you might want to not talk about him in town. There is a rape monster on the loose, after all."

You feel so loved.

"About that, Fluttershy. Anon isn't a rape monster. He's actually a really nice guy who has a rich and varied culture about...imaginary colt and marefriends."

You can hear the sorrow in her voice, forced to admit that Nat is not real. Fluttershy hears it too.

"Oh, Twilight, did he rape you? Is he forcing you to tell all these lies about human imaginary coltfriends?"

"He didn't rape me! Are you doubting my love for my pure, beautiful husbando? I-I swear on me mum!"

...

"There there, it's okay. Rape monsters can be really charismatic and sneaky. It's okay if you find yourself wanting to love a nice, safe, imaginary rape monster who doesn't rape you."

"They're not rape monsters! Luna just wasn't prepared to see one of Anon's tummy tingler dreams! Haven't you had any weird tummy tingler dreams?"

"Oh no, never. Especially not about Mr. Bear, or a big strong timberwolf, or a pack of diamond dogs, and, um. Yeah, no tummy tinglers here, just normal dreams, all the time."

"But a timberwolf is made out of wood, that seems really uncomfortable..."

Fluttershy scuffs a hoof on the ground.

"You have to sand it and polish it, and sometimes I go out into the woods and look for a little one, so I can train it. Um. For normal dog things. Yes."

...

"Look, how about this. You can help me train Anon to be less threatening, and then you won't think he's a rape monster, he's just like a timberwolf who is trained to be nice to ponies. How does that sound?"

"Oh, I don't know, that sounds-"

"I'll help you catch a timberwolf cub."

"Okay."

This is getting ridiculous.

"Here, let me just get Anon real quick,"

That's your cue, you suppose. You begin to stand up, only to be engulfed in a purple flash of light. You find yourself sprawled on your back, and the door slams. You just lie there a moment.

"Slowly, Twilight. You have to take these things slowly."

The door creaks open again.

"Um, hi, Anon?"

"Yes?"

You decide to sit up, that should be less threatening than standing. Buttermellow watches your every movement with wary eyes.

"Are you...a good boy?"

...

This is going to be a long day. Nevertheless,

"Yes, I am a good boy."

"Then you can come inside."

She backs into her home, never taking her eyes off of you. You shuffle inside, wondering if ponies naturally tend to speak in innuendo. Angel glares at you from his high perch, a sharpened stick in his paws. Meanwhile, Fluttershy is hiding behind two sheep.

"Alright, what shall we do now?"

She glances at Twilight, then says,

"Um, first, would like you to sate your unsavory appetite with one of these sheep here?"

What.

"I don't-and they're just sheep, I mean, can sheep think like you and me, or are they just instinct driven animals, and who even just offers up sheep to 'sate unsavory appetites'?"

"They don't mind. I told them about how a rape monster might come for me, and they agreed to let you rut them. Um, if you want. Does that answer your questions?"

Meanwhile the sheep wander over to you, nuzzling your legs.

"Oh, so they are intelligent."

"Baaa", they said.

...

"Right. Thus is still kinda messed up, so let me set some things straight. I do not have an insatiable desire for sex, and sheep are a bit outside of my comfort zone."

The pair of ewes pout. Fluttershy stares at you skeptically.

"Are you sure you don't want to have your way with either one? I know Ashtoreth had been looking forward to it."

One of the sheep nuzzles your leg again, and paws at it with one foreleg.

"Baaa~"

The only thing keeping you here is the hope that you might be able to get it into Fluttershy's twisted mind that you are not a rape monster.

"Look, Ashtoreth, and Miss other sheep, you are both very cute, and I'm sure there's a nice ram for you somewhere. I wish you luck in your future courtships. Understand?"

Miss other sheep nuzzles your leg for the last time, and heads out the door. Ashtoreth...

"Stop humping my leg!"

You heft her up and hold her at arms length.

"Baa~ baaa baaaa~<3"

You look at Fluttershy.

"A little help here?"

She is scowling at you.

"Really? After all you've done, can't you let her molest your leg? You have a lot of nerve, young human, raping ponies and making up marefriends, asking me to help you with a nice friendly ewe!"

What the actual hell. Your legs are shaking, your heart beating altogether too quickly.

"I haven't raped anyone!"

Fluttershy doubles the intensity of her glare.

"Do you want to be trained or not? Now let the sheep hump your leg!"

Ashtoreth slips from your numb fingers, and quickly recovers from her fall. Just as quickly, she rears up and wraps her forelegs around one of your legs. You can do nothing, pinned in place by the fiery wrath of Fluttershy's gaze. Twilight is covering Nat's eyes. A wet spot develops on your pants leg, and Ashtoreth's bleating becomes more frantic. You can feel the pegasus ease off of the intensity of her glare. Finally, you are fully in control of yourself as a ewe climaxes on your leg.
It takes all your self-control to not kick her off. As the last spasms wrack her fluffly body, you carefully extract your leg from her grip.

"I-I need a shower. Oh god, I feel so dirty."

Fluttershy is confused.

"Oh, um, it's the door on the right, over there. Could you bring Ashtoreth too? I'm afraid her cum soaked into her wool."

"Yeah, no, no way. I shower alone, thank you very much."

You all but run to the bathroom. The ponies are talking, but you can't hear them over the sound of rushing, cleansing water. You remove your clothes and lose yourself in the water flowing all over you. A scarce few minutes later, there is a knock at the door.

"What."

"Um, I just wanted to let you know, that you have passed the first test. Now for the second."

The door opens, and a purple light wraps around the edge of the shower curtain. Oh hell no. You grip the edge as well, and pull against massive resistance. In retrospect, a battle between Twilight's magic and your own strength was doomed to failure. As it is, you end up half in and half out of the tub, dripping and on full display. This is the last straw.

"I've had it! I've been unjustly shunned by a bunch of flighty ponies, defiled by a sheep, and now you pull this! I'm better off in my home, away from all you monsters!"

You scoop up your clothes, taking a moment to put on your boxers. Fluttershy gives you a weak smile.

"You passed test two?"

You stare hate directly into her eyes.

"Enough with the stupid tests! Let me put it into terms you can understand. You have failed basic decency. And you, Twilight, going along with this! I feel sorry for Nat, having a waifu with a wandering eye."

You stomp out of the cottage, animals parting before you. By the time you get home, you are half burned out, closer to surly than incandescent rage. The shack is empty, you suppose Celestia's duties called. Fine by you. You throw your clothes in the basket and pull on some clean ones.

You don't trust yourself to work on your commission with any delicacy, so you return to caving the wooden apple. Wordless frustration simmers in the back of your mind. It's a point of pride, that you are still a moral person, no matter what happens. You accidentally gouge a little too much from the apple. You throw the damn thing, and sink back into your chair.

This, this isn't helping.

You just listen to yourself breathe. Anger seeps out of you in tiny increments, leaving weariness in its wake. The sun has risen a fair amount before you feel relatively calm. Then you hear a knock on your door. You walk a fine line between rage and despair as you go to answer it.

"We're-"

Slam. Feels good man. There is no way you want to talk to those two right now. You just manage to get back to your chair when Twilight teleports in.

"Get out."

She looks at you with tearful eyes, and lowers her head to the ground.

"I wanted to a-apologize to you and your waifu."

Your w-

"An apology isn't enough. Fluttershy mind controlled me while a sheep sexually assaulted my leg! And you just watched. Get out."

She whispers, "I'm so sorry." and disappears. Good riddance.