“You look like shit.” Stella stated as I flopped down in front of her. Why must she pun now!

“Hey Snuffles you want to play with the nice lady next?” I asked my face still buried in the ground.

Snuffles looked to Stella hopefully. “Play games? Maybe checkers? Snuffles like checkers! And tic tac!” This week had been hell. When Simon said he was going to put me through the ringer I thought he was just exaggerating not that his version of the ringer was made out of demonic SIVA HELL-SPIKES THAT SPIT GREEN FIRE! I mean it didn’t help that my mouth took every chance to snark... but hey I could feel myself becoming stronger along with more skills and Demons open up. Even got some chances to try out my Alchemy skills, need them up to snuff when I see Ed again. I really should thank him next chance I got for the magic canceling shield, it is so helpful especially when combined with the magic eating sword.

Simon smiled “And that’s what you get for saying my wife has a huge ass. I don’t care how spankable it looks, you just don’t say that to a married woman, especially in front of her husband.”

“I only say what is true and you know it!” I muttered trying to eat a worm that dared come close to a hungry me.

Simon smirked, “Oh, only speak the truth, eh? Well, my turn. Truth is, I am going to be giving every recruit but your second helpings of the meals today. Your rations are, again, halved.”

I looked up to see him also dangle my item bag in front of me. Simon had taken it from me during the first day of training when I had pulled some jerky out of it. “Whelp hope they enjoy the extras, I’m just going to lay here a few extra minutes.”

“What about us Sir Simon, will we suffer with this man?” Stella asked.

Simon nodded, “You two, thanks to the Huntsman, are bound by fate. You need to support each other, make up for each other’s weaknesses and shortcomings. If one of you fail, both of you do, one of you succeed? Both of you succeed.”

“And in other news… Worms don’t taste as great unless cooked.” I said sitting up. “So… anything else going on, I mean besides running a slowly expanding nation?” Already I felt plans form in my head of what to do about the food shortage.

Simon grinned “We are going to finally teach you how to use your special gear, Oz, you got to be the jack of all trades, the middle ground between any other party members that join your group in the future. Stella? You have to make sure that there are no hidden threats, no opportunities missed, you are the groups eye in the dark, am I clear?”

“About as clear as you have always been.” I pointed out, hey I’m not going to complain about having a wise mentor figure who doesn't speak in riddles.

Simon nodded, pleased, “Good, now, Oz, over the last week, I have been imbuing your mind with different basic battle styles for each weapon archetype. Be it an axe, hammer, gauntlet or spear, you will be able to bring the hurt, same with your shield. I also heavily sedated the demon inside you, so he will be so high that he can’t get any of this knowledge. He’s stoned silly.” Well that explains why Terra has been so happy lately.

“So, let me guess this is the part where you drag us to the arena to have us fight another one of your commanders and bet on how long we last against them?” I think the longest we did was one and a half minutes against Azzy and his wife. And that was because for half the time I was dodging. I have gotten very good at that.

Simon nodded, “Yes, almost. You two will be facing me.”

“Can I surrender now or at the arena?” What it is a legitimate question.

Simon responded angrily, “No, never surrender, that is to give up your reason for fighting, and to insult anyone with you. You NEVER surrender. Retreat, yes, but only when tactics mandate it. Never let fear rule you.”

“Fine, fine, I guess we’ll give it our best shot. Come on Stella, let's show him what we got.” I made my way to my feet while dusting myself off as best I could.

“Very well if we must face Sir Simon, we shall do it together, while enjoying your use as our human shield.” Wow, she is getting better. Last week I was her annoying meat puppet. Simon does good work.

Simon nodded, “Let’s get the commanders as well, they wanted to see this.” Yes, let my humiliation be known to all. Well at least I can’t die.

“Well at least it won’t be another husband and wife team.” I said before feeling a dark presence behind me. “I made an oopsie didn’t I?”

Simon smiled, “You know, I actually hold back around my wife. Don’t like scaring her. She’s out doing diplomacy with the Yaks and the dragons.”

Well crap, “Even though I walk through the Valley of Death I shall not fear.” I muttered to myself as I tried to venture forward.

Simon sent out odd looking drones made of SIVA, which I remembered were to lead the newer Commanders that had yet to receive their SIVA gear to the Arena. He smiled, “Seems they’ll be there before us. Let’s go.”

At the Arena

As I entered the Arena, I felt so glad that I had unlocked the third Demon Slot as I equip both Hermes and Chronos to the two empty slots getting ready for the battle ahead.

Discord was there, acting as the referee for this match. “Ladies and gentleman, as the magical authority of Comraich, I am glad to say, that this will be a fight to remember! Simon, verses his two-star pupils! Let’s see how well Simon has brought out their potential! I for one, am one eager beaver!” He said that as his teeth became beaver like for a moment as he gnawed on a piece of wood, making it into a statue of himself and Twilight. “Ooh! A nice gift for my own star pupil!...once I sanitize it.”

“Don’t forget to varnish it, paint helps too!” I yelled to him.

Discord gave a thumbs up, “Good idea, good buddy! Can’t wait to teach you some magical theory next week!” Oh god he’s going to teach me, should I be happy or worry about what little remains of my sanity?! I’ll do both.

Simon cleared his throat and Discord facepalmed, “Oops, sorry, did it again, hard not to dote on her, she is such a good student!”

“They all say that. Then you find out that they are doing EXTRA CREDIT behind your back! Then they demand that you grade all the books they highlighted! It is a very slippery slope.” I said with a nod.

Simon then sighed “Change of plans, Discord versus Oz.”

“Wait what about Stella?!”

Discord grew very quiet as Simon ushered Stella into the stands. “You… You dare imply that I would not only dirty Twilights learning with underhanded tactics for sex… but that I would care so little for my student as to take advantage of her like that?!”

“...Wait when did I imply that? I just meant that she is a bit of an …overachiever. Though if you are going to date her make sure to make plushies to sell. I’m sure they will do quite well.” Seriously this man needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

Discords eyes suddenly blazed “I would never cheapen her like that! She is like a daughter to me! A-And plushies? You’re sick! I’m going to enjoy this!”

“I get shipping is a bit of a weird thing to do but really?” I asked while getting ready for what might come next.

“And making it global? YOU ARE DEAD MEAT!” Well that summarizes this situation too perfectly.

“Wait... one last joke please?” I asked raising my hand. “What has the worst plot ever?... Twilight,” I waited for his response and only got an eye twitch. “That’s the butt of the joke.”

The next few sentences have been expunged by Pinkie Pie and Discord for being too gruesome for even the most mature of audiences. Simon had to convince to revert Oz back from something resembling a Picasso painting.

Well that was… interesting... and painful, so very...very painful, yet at the same time so worth it.

Simon sighed “The magic lessons were supposed to be like a vacation, now they’ll be hell for you…”

“What’s the difference?” I asked while feeling Stella approach. “Hope you don’t mind that I stole the limelight.”

“Is thou asking us if we are sorry not to have partaken in the massacre?” Stella asked while poking at me with her glade. “Then the answer is no we are not.” She wore her new favorite bow on her back.

There was then a loud, earth shattering bang as a massive hole in the sky opened up, some weird looking airships coming out of them. Simon cussed loudly and looked to us, “Everybody, get ready! Battle stations!”

Az-Barko nodded and barked an order to his troops, the only regiment of Ologs Simon has made so far, and ordered them to man the outer walls and… something called the Archfiends?

“What is going on?! Who’s attacking?” I asked getting to my feet. I saw Stella mimicking an owl trying to find the enemy.

Simon’s voice was grim. “The first, of many invaders. The Eliksni, the fallen. They were originally beings of good, but they fell from grace, and judging from their ships that are coming in, they are ready for a fight.”

“Well good sir Simon it seems they weren’t the only ones prepared.” Stella said as she saw what I assumed were Archfiends being carried up and bolted down to the towers and battlements alongside the turrets, which were reactivated.

Simon nodded. “Roxy is still recovering, and Chryssi is pregnant with my daughter, I refuse to let them take part in this. With two of our heavy hitters out of the fight, I hope this show of force makes them think twice about us, I mean, an endless ballista armed with SIVA made Javelins the size of Ballista bolts? I wouldn’t want to fight it, and I beat down Celestia.”

“So, should I run for cover?” I asked while looking at the ships. “Or should I just get some ear plugs?”

Simon smirked “Get some earmuffs from Grimgor if you need them, but I need you and Stella to make sure every one of the civilians get to the bunker, it’s under the capitol building,” We shared a confused look at him. “er… the castle. Damn it, I hate saying I live in a castle!”

“Hermes!” I yelled as a portal opened behind me. From it appeared a man with long green hair and wearing a bright yellow hunter vest with a tan sweater underneath. “You heard Simon start getting everyone where we need them!”

“Consider it done,” The Demon of Winds said before taking off with a slight trail of wind behind him.

Snuffles was already at the gate, laying down large boulders for the weird siege weapon just by the gate, it looked like some weird air cannon, but with a bunch of odd parts, it honestly made my head hurt thinking of how thought out Simons defenses were. I mean, even Snuffles has a means of ranged attack! I could faintly hear Snuffles talking to himself. “If they mean... they go boom!”

“So… we just wait here for them or do you have a Mecha for me? No wait you probably gave that to Chryssy as a birthday present, didn’t you?” I asked trying to break the ice and get my mind off the HUGE GUN Snuffles has. Snuffles is great and all but that gun looks like it could wreck me in two seconds flat.

Simon simply pulls out a weird microphone connected to a stranger box, which I was later told was a broadcaster to their ship’s speakers, basically telling the whole ship what he was saying, and in their own language too. “Greetings Eliksni, we mean you no harm, only if you attack us will we fight back. I will warn you though, we are FAR more deadly than any guardian of the light. I, am the lord of Dawn, I walk both in light and darkness, and I WILL defend my people. If you dare try to wage war against us, you will be wiped from this and every world I visit.”

“Well that was a good warning, hopefully they accept it, turn around, leave, and never come back. Am I right?” I asked only to get hit upside the head by Stella.

“No, you fool they have traveled this far we doubt a simple warning will suffice.” Hello negative Nancy how are you today?

Simon then looked to Grimgor and Orvok, who had set up their own means of defense, turning the local Caragors into war hounds, and making a pack of lesser stygian graugs with armor. They all considered Snuffles their alpha male, even though he was just a pup, because he simply dwarfed them all. Grimgor gave Snuffles his own, much more threatening armor, and smiled “I look forward to them picking a fight, I really do.”

And just like that, an entire armada of Fallen ships appeared from midair, dropping spider like tanks and began to advance, with a small army of Eliksni soldiers, even a few weird floating robot eyes. Simon smirked even wider. “They made their choice. Let’s have some fun, eh boys?”

“Uh, ladies first?” I ask Stella, “You see I think Discord forgot to put my lungs in the right place so I might need a minute to catch up and Hermes is still gone so…”

“Get in there!” Stella yelled pushing me forward so I arrived at the front line.

“No need to be pushy. Simon what is the plan, I mean besides kick their assess?”

Simon smiled sadly. “The plan for me and my people? Survive. For you two? Leave the second it looks like you might die, because I won’t be able to finish your training. Even if we manage this battle unscathed, this marks the beginning of a new war for the Kin.”

Upon looking to where Discord was, I saw that he was now sweating profusely, his body looking much older as he seemed to be fighting something. “Gotta… close it… can’t… let more through…”

“Looks like we have our objective Stella, we shall protect the Lord of Chaos!” I said pointing my sword towards him as a wave of Fallen start approaching the immobilized god.

RD and Flutters, as well as the rest of the Mane Six of this dimension, came up to us, Simon looking to them and frowning, before he could say anything, RD interrupted. “No, we are not going to hide in the bunker like cowards, we have friends here, way more than ever in Ponyville, and it’s thanks to you guys that we have that! We’re protecting the inner city, two of us for each quarter of the city!”

Simon paused, then grinned “Looks like my lessons are taking effect, eh? Well, good to know. At your leisure girls, I’ll be going to the enemies front lines, sew a little anarchy along their ranks.”

“Game plan is a go then!” I said before running at the lines of Fallen. “Slash!” Once again, I saw reality given the middle finger as my attack started hitting enemies around us. But this time it went farther than one row. Thanks to the improvement of Simon and The Huntsman the Demon Slayer changed into a long-range weapon and was able to reach the full length of Slash 3. It made me all kinds of happy!

As I fought on the ground, the Archfiends let fly at any ship that tried to get close, blowing them into shrapnel. Snuffles would then use his huge ass cannon to suck up waid falling shrapnel and lodge it inside a SIVA boulder within the gun barrel, before launching it at a spider tank.

Everywhere I looked, it was the same, Fallen coming down from the sky, and dying almost instantly. Simon, who looked like he was beyond pissed off, punched his hand through the lens of the robot eyes, which I later learned were servitors, and yanked out a handful of wires before he basically roared a deluge of SIVA into it, the Servitor getting eaten whole. “YOU SHALL DIE HERE, FALLEN SCUM, AS THY JUDGE AND JURY, I DEEM THEE GUILTY! THY PENALTY IS DEATH!”

“Ahh!” Damn that was scary so glad he was on my side. I felt my shield raise up as a blast meant for my head hit it. So glad Ed upgraded it.

“Fool! Don’t take your eyes off this fight!” Stella yelled at me before launching an arrow off at a group of Fallen. When the arrow hit it blasted the enemies in a nice, cozy coating of hellfire.

I looked ahead to find that Pinkie was armed with a set of SIVA throwing knives, that seemed to regenerate a knife each time one was thrown, the knives seeming to brainwash whoever they stabbed into thinking they were on our side, until they fell down dead and exploded, at least. The fact that instead of gore, it was confetti and streamers was… oddly enough it was even more unnerving.

Applejack, who was buddied up with Pinkie for the northeastern quarter, was adorned in identical gear to the AJ of my world, except hers was coated in SIVA, which seemed to magnify her holy powers, making it so that for every enemy she hurt, she would heal an ally. Basically, this made her an invaluable ally, as she shrugged off most blows and healed her friends with the holy aura, I found myself grabbed by a huge Servitors beam and teleported to the opposite quarter.

“Damn it.” I ground out only to barely raise my shield in time to block another hit. I lashed Demon Slayer out turning it into a whip mid swing. I saw more and more start swarming around me as I wanted to grit my teeth at this point in frustration. “What are you guys? That one annoying respawning enemy in games?!”

“Master I have returned!” Hermes said making his way through the mob. Feeling his chain, I could tell that it was almost used up but at this point he was more helpful out of his key. I would just have to keep watch for a bit. Though he did seem a bit ruffed up, then again, I wasn’t doing much better.

As Hermes and I kept on fighting Fallen, I was greeted by the sight of Rarity and Fluttershy, who were busy keeping their own horde in check, Fluttershy was using a large staff/spear thing similar to Orvoks, and Rarity used an elegant looking wand, both also made of SIVA, I looked to Rarities enemies to see she was literally turning them into gems as Fluttershy summoned animal spirits to shatter them, the spirits then using the crystal to form bodies and temporarily join the fray.

I saw one of the spider tanks turn towards me as my eyes shrank down to pin pricks at what I knew was coming next. “Hermes return to your key!” I managed to get out before experiencing the world like Team Rocket did as I was tossed across the battlefield. “Ow…” I said upon landing, “Now, where am I?” I asked while Heal took effect.

Turns out I was knocked straight to the north western quarter, as Twilight and RD were busy using their SIVA weapons to literally make the weather and ambient magic turn on the Eliksni, making massive golems powered by SIVA energy and huge tornadoes that crackled with fire and electricity that basically turned them into baked baddy alamode.

“Well that answers that question.” I said to myself getting to my feet. “Need to get back to Stella and Discord. Hey you two think you can give me a lift or you too busy?” Might as well ask even though I think I pissed them off.

Twilight smiled “Just know that if you peek on my marefriend, or talk about me like that to Discord again? I’ll teleport your manhood into the sun.”

I let out a strangled cough and nodded so hard I think I put bobble heads to shame. “Yes Twilight, sorry Twilight!” Man... is everyone on this world terrifying?

‘Or maybe they’re really nice and you just keep pissing them off!’ Terra yelled in my mind.

‘My dick is your dick! So, don’t make us lose my dick! I only have ONE, despite your weird fan art, thank you very much!’ My vision was overtaken by a wave of purple as I felt the spell take effect. ‘Hope we are close by, then again this is magic so who knows?’ Man, I suddenly felt bouncy for some reason. Oh, Twi must have healed me along with the free lift what a nice girl I should bake her cookies some time~! Still low on chains though so no Demons for a while.

Spike and an older, grizzled looking dragon were busy fighting in the last quarter, which had the most direct path to the Arena, and they each had what Simon called a Smoulder-Maul, a type of hammer that channeled the fire within the dragons of Simons dimension to devastating effect, these two mauls were also enhanced by SIVA, so that whenever they slammed down, the resulting blast of heat would release smaller, incendiary bombs into the area. Spike and the elder dragon were actually just finishing beating down a massive Servitor and spider tank tag-team, they looked to me and broke out laughing. “Dude, what the hell happened to you?”

“Hmm, whatever do you mean?” I asked trying to rub the back of my head only to flinch back. “When did I get a bald spot?” I looked around to try and find a mirror only to succeed at discovering how vindictive certain unicorns can be. “Gravity Falls was right, Unicorns are not pure of heart, they are full of vengeance.” There was no other way to explain what I was wearing any other way. My once black flat hair was now neon yellow with pink stripes to match the dress. What dress you may ask? Why, the pink frilly atrocity I now wore. Seriously I think half the Disney Princesses would die before wearing this thing, though it might one hit Rarity. But that pales in comparison to my new footwear. I wore a pair of crocs one baby blue and one neon purple, that had the unfortunate luck of having my thigh high sock covered feet in them. My socks were also mismatched with one being covered in puppies and kittens and the other having planets and comets on them. My pants were now shorts for the sole purpose of keeping the plumage that would put a peacock to shame. Well there was only one response to this. I drew in a breath of air and let out my best chicken/duck impression while waving my arms up and down.

“BGAWK!” ...apparently these pants let me lay very big eggs too. “Am I a Yoshi now?” I asked picking up the egg. “Only one way to find out!” Now who to throw it at? I felt it start wiggling back and forth in my hand. Soon cracks started appearing on it until a tiny head popped out. “Spike am I drugged? Cause I think this is a dog?” Seriously what is going on?

Spike pounded his fist in his palm as he realized what was going on. “Twilight used her first bit of chaos magic on you! Discord will be so proud!”

“That’s great for her but what do I do with this?” I asked pointing at the dog that was sniffing at my hand. “I am kind of busy at the moment!”

The older dragon smirked. “Congratulations, welcome to being a dad! Now whine about being busy later, we have the enemy withdrawing.”

“Fine!” Picking up the dog/son by the scruff I dropped the egg. “Hold on tight boy!” I said doing my best impression of Kratos. “We have villains to lead to the slaughter. Gear Two!” I felt the shield disappear as my outfit changed. Wait I could have solved it like that, wait is it going to change back when I went back to One!? Well better make a gear Three slot at some point.

The dog nodded and... had a very determined face. I swear I heard ‘Okay, daddy’ In my head. I swear if this dog talks, I am naming him Scooby. Or maybe Koromaru. Yeah going with Koromaru, he was a good boy. With that we made our way to the arena with the pupper jumping out of my hands and walking beside me.

Right before I could talk to Simon, he frowned sadly at my battered state. “Okay… I think it’s time you two head home. You did nothing wrong...during the fight that is, but I can no longer guarantee your training in safety here, so… I am satisfied with your assistance, I release you to go home.”

“Wait but I need to show Twilight the new kid she made with me.” I mean it was technically true she did give the chaos magic needed.

Discord punched me straight into the portal that Simon made behind me, Stella coming with shortly after. “WORTH IT!”

The dog’s voice then could be heard in my head as she laughed. “Silly daddy!” Now where the hell was I now? Huh a nice beach... “Well... I guess I deserve this.” I thought as a giant tentacle came up. “Oh, for the love of…” Some god hated me and I think his name was Discord.

Or was it CHAUNCEY?!?!?!?!?

Author's Notes:

Hey guys last Crossover for awhile the next few will be focused on the new characters. Hope you guys enjoyed it.