I woke up in a nice hospital. And by nice, I mean it was pretty worn down. Now that I thought about most of this city looked pretty beat up. This place really needed some missionary help. I suppose the Balrog might have not helped. As I turned over, I saw that I now had a nice shiner around my eye from where Rainbow probably hit me. Huh, even the mirror had cracks in it, and was dirty… kinda wish I had some Windex. But on to more pressing matters, like planning my revenge on Rainbow, Gilda, Simon, and Snuffles, in that order. Maybe not Snuffles, he was to pure. But first I still, maybe, needed vengeance on Lightning Dust. I was very up in the air about what to do about her. I’m sure something will come to me.

I felt a Heal work its way through me as the black eye slowly faded away. “Hey Terra did anything happen while I was out?” I asked the Demon who lived inside me and refused to pay rent.

“How should I know? I see what your eyes see, granted my enhanced senses allow me to see better, so when you close them, I can’t see.” The demonic general answered back.

“Well your no help.” I shot back mentally trying to shove our connection away. It wasn’t needed since Terra gave an annoyed grunt before I felt him leave. “Time to find the others.” Leaving the, hospital(?), he started searching for his, friends? While he neared the exit, he went through his mental faculties and found something shocking. He had a second demon slot open. Now the question was what to put in it?

Tracing his fingers over different keys his mind felt smooth almost velvet key. A new key that he had obtained yesterday. Pulling on it he slowly slid it into the slot but it felt weird. Usually when the key went into the slot, he would see it like a doll sitting on a shelf with chains wrapped around both it and him. But now he felt like he was handed a character sheet and a new energy flowed from him.

“My we have forgotten how boring the harpy’s home can be.” An articulate voice said beside him. “We know not how this has come to be but it shall be a good place for us to start.” Turning I saw someone around my size with light purple hair that fell down and looked well groomed. She had a pitch-black foci crystal with the band hidden behind her hair. She wore light armor of manly light to dark blue that covers the upper part of her body with the lower only having shorts and armored leggings. The bottom of her feet had high heels, so that meant she was actually shorter than him.

“Nightmare Moon?” I asked while feeling the status sheet and wow this will be interesting.

“Indeed, it is Us,” Turning they saw me standing and stepped back acting like I was some coiled snake. This caused the mechanical wings behind her to spring out like a bird trying to make itself look bigger. “What thou should have been dust when we are remade!”

“Oh, guess you don’t remember me sealing you away?” I asked casually still trying to figure out what happened. “Well you were a threat so instead of killing you I decided that the better solution would be to seal you away, and well to make a long story short. I met a god and with their help turn you into a key. It happens,” I finished with a shrug.

“So, what does that mean for me?” Night, you know now that I looked at her ‘sheet’, she didn’t have a really have a name. Huh, should fix that, right now. Okay name time, name time, name… time… Damnit brain why do you fail me now! Sure, coming up with snarks, no problem, time to name something? Nope, got nothing.

“Well, first we need to think of a good name for you.” I said while rubbing my chin. I saw her step back with a shock faced.

“Wha-what did thou say?” She said while staring at me. “We have a name if thou have not forgotten!”

“No, you called yourself Luna, who you are not. Then again you were also called Nightmare Moon and I’m not calling you that cause that is too much of a mouthful.” I said waving her off while still trying to figure out what to call the girl in front of me.

Simon then took that exact moment to check up on me. He saw Nightmare Moon, and right as I prepared for the worst, he waved at her all friendly like! “Why hello there, what do you call yourself? I don’t feel like referring to you as that certain slur, or as your host.”

“Wait that is a slur? That explains so much!” I yelled trying to get my mind in gear.

“We have told thee we are the true maiden of the moon, Luna! Not that weak puppet who took our name!” The now enraged women yelled.

Simon frowned sadly. “Actually, you two are likely two parts of the same whole. From my...special senses, a certain chunk of your being is missing. Now, either we could try to fuse you two together again, or, we could try to regrow your two individual halves into independent beings.”

“We would prefer to just kill her and be done with all this.” NM said with a pout. “We do not want anything more to do with that… thing that would reject who we were.”

Simon grinned “Well, Stella, if you’ll have that name, I doubt murder would be okay. You must remember, that it is more useful to make allies than enemies.”

“Stella, guess that works,” I said pushing it toward the character sheet in my mind.

“Would you make an ally with someone who denied everything that you stood for? Who took your name and defiled it? Who backed down on everything we stood for? Would you forgive and make allies with them, KING?” She spat at him like she was personally insulted by his question.

Simon placed a hand on her temple in one quick motion, as we both saw...horrible, horrible things, the screams of children being harvested like cattle, of men being beaten for trying to feed their families, of mass clan genocide on horrifying scales, I think I need to hurl. “I have seen these memories from a firsthand perspective, through my people, who I swore to protect with every fiber of my being. Before I was a king? I was a doctor...and my world was sick, so very, very sick. I am still trying to undo these horrors, to cure the ailment, and that is why I MUST be a king. Because while no nation will listen to a single man, they will definitely listen to another nation.”

That was… Well only one thing to say. “Thank you for sharing that. I now need to use the can over there for a few seconds.” I said while walking over to a nice can and proceeded to empty my stomach into it while giving the nice man the bird.

“How, how could you live with those… memories, how can you… forgive.” Stella asked as she fell to her knees while looking up at him.

Simon smiled and helped her up gently. “Because everyone has darkness in them, and as a leader, it has become my job to make the world a safe place for my people, and their children. The only way to ensure that, is to ensure peace, no more hate, no more anger, just… forgiveness... on both sides.”

“Keep going like that and you’ll make King Arthur look inadequate.” I mumbled while getting up. “So now on to how weak we both are. She got downgraded to level one.” I said pointing at Stella who looked like she was trying to reevaluate her whole life using cliff notes.

Simon nodded and took out his bow, creating a much less menacing looking one and handing it to Stella. “Here, we are going to train, the three of us, Snuffles is already there, we are heading to Comraich.” Simon then grins and walks out of the hospital, before running into a stressed-out Gilda. She has rainbow hairs in her feathers… oh my~. All the implications~.

“What the hell did you two do!?” She ground out through clenched teeth.

“Me, I did nothing, all on him!” I said before sliding behind my new meat shield.

Simon smiled warmly to Gilda. “I gave the leadership to the most qualified person. You are the one who looked past your own ego to reach out to Rainbow again, even after you, incorrectly mind you, assumed she replaced you. You looked past your greed, and didn’t try to sell the idol for its worth, knowing its importance was greater than your own gain.” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “You are the best leader for the Harpy people. Not because you lack flaws, but because you rise above them.”

“If it helps any, I think you will make a great, beautiful, and kind leader.” I said from behind Simon while giving her a great thumbs up. “Besides you have the support of the element of… which element was Rainbow again?” I should really write these things down somewhere.

Simon chuckled “Loyalty, she is way different from the RD in my world, at least at first meetings, although… in her defense, she was under the sway of a prideful, conceited bigot of a god.”

“Yes, we know where our sisters’ weaknesses lie. You need not remind us.” Stella said having found the will to walk again. “Now Sir Simon if you would be so kind as to continue on the way.” Wow her ego was huge if she talked to Simon that way, you know like someone talking to a dog you wanted to keep walking but it stopped to smell the garbage on the side of the road.

Simon chuckled “Mind your tongue dear, lest your other teachers try to teach you respect. I will not be your only teacher.”

“Can Snuffles be one of the teachers?” Please say yes, please say yes!

Simon grinned “No.” Damn it!

He then opened a portal to our left and walked us through, him smiling as he saw a HUGE troll and his...family? Walking towards us. Well when in Rome, or new Equestria. “Top of the morning!” I said wishing I had brought a top hat, “how are you doing this most wonderful day. Interdimensional travel really takes it out of one and I wish to hear some good news.” Man, my British accent sucked, need to work on it more.

The huge troll looked to his wife, who nodded and covered his sons’ ears, before looking to Simon and pointing to me “Who this jackass?”

“Names Oz, and thank you for the compliment.” I said with fake cheer.

The troll man looked to me and tilted his head. “Why not talk like used to? Az-Barko could tell accent fake. Really crappy.”

Simon snorted in laughter as I soldiered on. “Thank you for the review I shall work on making it better for the next time we meet.”

Az-Barko, as I assume, he was named, patted my shoulder. “Wise ass bad idea if right guessing you here to train. Grimgor tough teacher. So is Simon.” Wonder if I’m right about the name? I mean Simon did mention someone who acted like him.

Simon smirked “Your right, Azzy, we’re going to put these two through the ringer, when we are done with them, they’ll be able to knock out Snuffles in a fight!”

Snuffles, who turned out to be relaxing in a nearby lava pit, must be toasty in there, climbed out and absorbed the leftover heat, letting the lava harden into obsidian armor. “Now why would I knock out that guy, I like him. Plus, I love living too.”

Simon smiled to Stella “First of all, recruit, is proper gear, Oz is getting gear after we get you outfitted, because at your current power level, a Ghul pup could kill you.”

“At level one I think a bad look from them could knock her out. You do remember at level one people usually fight ROUS right.” At seeing the blank stares, I let out a sigh. “Princess Bride. It stands for Rodents Of Unusual Size.”

Simon shook his head “Nah, the big rodents here? They eat Ghuls. Anyway, a Ghul pup would be a threat to you now, but when we are done, you will be able to beat a Dragon Lord into submission.”

“Alright what are we waiting for hit that Mulan soundtrack and ‘Let’s Get Down To Business~.’” I tried signing.

Az-Barko sighed and smacked me in the back of the head, sending me face first into what I hope was just fragrant mud. Really, really hope. Thank god my mouth was closed, but my nose, too full.

Simon leaned down. “That, was Caragor crap. Now get to a shower so you don’t disturb the other two recruits!” Thank you for confirming it.

“Thank you for the advice. Now if you could get me a map I shall be on my way.” I stood up trying to save whatever pride I had. Who was I kidding that went and threw itself into a bonfire.

Simon simply turned me in a circle, my back was to a huge, highly detailed, yet easy to read map. “And your assuming I will remember that. Hate to say it but half the time I can’t remember anyone's name.” Like that Lightning Bliss chick, or was it Lightning Dust? See what I mean!

Simon simply places my hand on the building on the map, and I was promptly at what sounded like the showers. Ahh, man! I missed a chance do say ‘Beam me up Scotty’. Oh, well shower time. I looked at the building for minutes staring at the two doors, the two unmarked doors… Well fifty chance. I opened the door and slowly made my way inside. “Hello anyone in here, part of facility cleaning.” What I’m shy and don’t like changing in front of others.

“Ohh, is someone there?” A quiet voice asked as I was greeted to a site many men would die to see. Fluttershy totally naked, and man what a rack. I felt some blood make its way up my head and exit out my nose. Looking up I saw her eyes widen before her pupils shrunk down to pin pricks. “AHHH!”

“Fluttershy what happened!” Rainbow yelled charging out of what I assume was the changing room.

“I think she realized the inevitability of death.” I tried, “So if you can excuse me, I’m just going to go clean the other bathroom now.” I slowly made my way to the exit.

Rainbow was following me with a calm air about her, the scary kind of calm. “You really think that’s going to fly, perv?”

Damn my pop culture references. “I am no mere pervert I am the legendary SUPER PERVERT OZ!” I said while going through the motions of the dance that goes with it. I think I did good. I saw Rainbow’s eye start twitching as she pulled her bow out of her pile of clothes, oh hey she was just in underwear. She drew back her bow as I threw my hand forward as my shield formed on my arm. The arrow hit my shield pushing me back and threw the wall. I felt a couple bruises form on my back but a quick Heal did away with any damage I had taken. Turning I saw a family stop and take in what happened. Well better explain myself.

“Kid make sure to stay in school or you two will have to clean up shit.” I pulled myself out of the wall and look forward. “Hey crazy arrow chick, you done? I have work to do.” Please buy it.

“Oh, hell no!” She yelled as I saw her draw her bow back to notch another arrow. I need to get close to… no wait I don’t have that restriction anymore. I was quick to dodge out the way of another shot that freeze the building behind me.

“Now, now, no need to be cold.” Feeling my sword change into the desired shape I launched the bolt that was already in it. As it flew, I Concentrated while trying to consider what to do next. If this RD was anything like mine than she could pelt me with Elemental Arrows while all I had to attack with was Terra, Mars, and Bolt. So straight up, she would win, not to even mention she had three-dimensional movement while all I could do was go up and down the road.

“Nice try but I will win.” And just like that she was in the air just like I knew she would. “There is no escaping me.” Huh, that was a thought. I slipped my hand into my pocket to get ready for my next move.

Simon then intervened, the both of us getting wrapped up in SIVA bindings. “Would someone, please... care to tell me... WHY YOU ARE WRECKING MY PEOPLES CAPITAL?!”

Wow he seemed mad. “Well you see I went to go clean but was then attacked by the streak.” Whelp, I’m going to die.

Simon frowned “That’s a load of shit. What you were actually doing, was disrupting the ladies shower, most likely. Let me guess, heard someone showering and thought you’d get a peek? NO DICE! I have a LOT of patience, but that, is NOT okay. Especially since as a result you two put citizens at risk, I was going to go easy on your training before this, but now? Prepare to be put through the fucking ringer!”

“Well… Yeah I got nothing, I should have thought before needling… god I forgot your name, have we met yet, in this world I mean? Anyway, to correct a mistake I walked in on accident, I was not looking which one I was going into. I blame my eyes watering because of the smell.” What a true man owns up to mistakes.

RD frowned. “Okay, granted you do reek, but you are in hot water with me until you apologize to Shy. As for now, I’ll pay to repair the damages from my savings… But you owe me. And I’ll show you the right showers for ya.”

“Oh, thank god you’re paying, I’m so broke ducks throw bread at me. So, Simon you going to leave us hanging.” I put on my best smile while looking at him.

Simon smiled warmly. “RD is free, because I’d react the same way if someone peeked on Chryssi, but you? You will hang there and ferment for three hours.”

“You know this is the second time this happened to me?” I asked while still hanging there. “... So, do I get any company. I mean beside the voice in my head?”

Simon smiled “Okay, I’ll leave you with… RD, armed with a hose.”

RD smiled “Thanks boss, what’s my punishment though?”

He still smiled “Mandatory confession to Shy. And you two have to go on a double date with me and Chryssi.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely, make sure to take pictures to show your kids.” I said trying to get one of my arms free. “Need them embarrassing stories.”

Simon stared at me. “I… doubt you know how much shit you just stepped in with that statement.”

“About as much as I fell into.” I answered honestly.

He shook his head. “More. Now rumors will spread…”

RD frowned curiously “Of what?”

Simon gestured to the two Uruk women off to the side, gossiping like nothing happened. “That Chryssi is expecting.”

“So, she isn’t?” I asked slowly getting one hand out, only for the SIVA to become a full body restraint tying me to the top of the wall.

Simon simply said a few words that rocked me to my core. “She is, and you just endangered my daughter.”

“Huh,” great now I felt like an ass. “...Sorry…” Man I sounded pathetic, probably looked it too. “So, are you going to punish your people by leaving a smelly man hanging here?” Good break the ice.

Simon sighed “You have a point, let’s see… Oh, Snuffles!” No.

The familiar big lug came lumbering up to us, “Yes poppa?” No, no, no.

Simon grinned “Dunk him in the lake a few times. Feel free to play with him too.” What god did I anger?! It was the Huntsman, wasn’t it!?

Snuffles nodded and grabbed me, running at high speed to the nearest lake, which had several Uruk women who actually didn’t look half bad. I had all of five seconds to stare before Snuffles punched a hole in the top layer of ice and dunked me the first time. Dear god it was cold. Thank god I had, have, the Vial of Breath. I can’t imagine trying to keep my eyes open without it. Unfortunately, as I took a breath a goddamn fish went in my mouth! Feeling the big guy pull me out I spat out the fish. “I have brought you the treasure of the sea now please release me oh Great Snuffles!”

Snuffles ate the fish like a junky would pop a pill, then sniffed me. “Still smell like poopie, dunk two more times. Then play! We play fun things!” Oh god it still is freezing, no wait... HOW IS IT MORE COLD NOW!?

Author's Notes:

Sorry it took a while I hope you enjoy it. Once again this is a crossover with Lord Krahtorra