"Wow Ap, just wow. Right when I think you can't surprise me any further, you find a whole new way to disappoint me." you mutter, shaking your head like a parent who just figured out that their child was doing drugs... and didn't have the decency to share any of them with you.

"Shut up Anon, you're hardly one to talk about disappointments." Apocrita shot back, trying her best to not let you put her down.

"Shows what you know. My mom said I was the King of all Disappointments, so I should know exactly what I'm talking about." you state proudly.

"That... would explain a lot." Apocrita accepts, her tone dropping most of its annoyance in favor of restrained concern.

Ignoring the rising reminder of parental neglect and abuse, you continue to mock Apocrita. "I thought you were supposed to be an elite guard, but it turns out you're a total nerd! I mean seriously, you brought me to a library!"

Indeed, you had allowed Apocrita the opportunity to go somewhere in the hive that she wanted to go for once, if only because you were out of ideas. So when she took you to the hive's library, you were both surprised to learn that the Changelings had a pretty good collection of books, as well as the fact that Apocrita was a huge nerd!

Instead of letting herself fall too deeply into your childish mocking, Apocrita said "I'm an elite guard because I read so many books."

"I refuse to believe that you need to be intelligent in order to fight people off." you protest.

"For your sake, I hope that Pharynx isn't checking out a book right now... but for my sake, I hope he shatters your jaw." Apocrita mutters, her eyes shifting from one book to another as she walked between the rows of shelves. Spying something, she fluttered her wings and flew high up, leaving you alone on the ground.

It was honestly a bit impressive, how incredibly large the library was. You'd have thought the Changelings were too insanely vicious to care for reading, but here you were, inside a chamber of the hive that was actually larger than the nursery had been. Furthermore, the assembly of books was almost on par with the royal library back in Canterlot, which you also had the misfortune of visiting when Twilight tried to bond with you. Already pissed at her at the time, you proceeded to urinate on several books she was planning on checking out. It was hilarious, until Celestia locked you in your room as time out. One whole hour by yourself... probably should have used that as a chance to masturbate.

You were shaken from your stupor when Apocrita landed beside you, another book added to her saddlebag. Looking around for witnesses, you reached out and plucked it from her bag, the Changeling spinning around to glare at you while you read the title.

"The Mystery of the Celestial Hooves... what the fuck is this?" you asked, cracking the book open to get a quick read, only for Apocrita to snatch it back from you.

"It's a mystery novel that I want to read, so back off!" she snapped, her forked tongue flicking out as she returned the book to her saddlebags.

"Mystery novel? You really do read for fun! Neeeeeerd!" you loudly declare, only for the Changeling apparently in charge of the library to pop her head out from behind a row of books to shush you.

Huffing, Apocrita returned to her search, her hoofsteps a little louder as her legs moved with her pent up anger. "So what if I do? When we were attempting to invade Canterlot by marrying Queen Chrysalis to the captain of the guard, I had been assigned to replace one of the wedding coordinators." she began to explain. You half wanted to tell her you didn't ask for this, but another part was curious as to where it was going.

"How does being a wedding coordinator lead to you liking books?... nerd." you asked, feeling it necessary to add 'nerd' every time you addressed her.

Your guard bit her tongue, then continued. "Because when we replace a pony, we try to take every aspect of their lives, so nopony can see through the illusion. Turns out my victim was a fan of novels of all sorts. Romance, adventure, mystery, horror, just about everything. Initially I was frustrated with wasting time that should have been directed toward ensuring Queen Chrysalis' total victory, but in time I found some books that interested me. When the plan fell apart and we returned to the hive, I started to visit the library for personal enjoyment."

"So... nerd." you reiterated. "Seriously, everything you just said equates to you being a huge nerd."

Snorting, Apocrita retorted "I should have figured that you'd say that. I doubt you can read anyways."

Gasping, you placed a hand on your chest like you'd just been struck. "I'll have you know, I've read plenty of books!"

"Doubtful." the elite stated with a unique roll of her eyes. You were getting better at reading expression and actions through those creepy bug eyes.

"It's true! I've read all the Harry Potter books, Dracula, Frankenstein, Moby-Dick... that last one had a misleading name and wasn't what I expected." you started to list off, only to get a bit sidetracked. You thought it was supposed to be a book about penises and, you don't know, how to make them bigger... for a friend. "Kinda gets hard to remember anything after that. Most of it's TV and Movies up here." you admit, tapping a finger to your temple.

At this point, you had Apocrita's interest. "Is that so? I've never heard of any of those books though, course, I suppose they're from your world. It'd be interesting to hear about them... although, I'm not sure what those really are."

You gasped once more, ashamed by the tragedy that is not knowing what TV or movies were... and were again shushed by the librarian. "Keep it up you old bitch, I'll take my dick out right now and start-"

"Anon! TV. Movies. Focus!" Apocrita suddenly hissed, trying to keep you from getting the both of you banned from the library, not that it'd stick. You could probably have Chrysalis execute the librarian and burn the whole place down if you really wanted to... but you didn't feel like being that much of an asshole right now.

"Right, right." you grumbled, taking a few deep breaths. Looking at Apocrita, for once not having a sadistic smirk or demented thought in your head, you said "So, TV and movies are pretty much the same thing, only one usually costs less and appears in smaller, lower quality formats for everyone to see, while movies usually cost a shit ton of money to make, have awesome quality and acting, and generally are best seen on stupidly large screens with the volume cranked up to levels that will probably impair your hearing later in life."

"... that... doesn't really explain to me what they are." Apocrita pointed out, her brow furrowed as she stared at you. This was looking to be a waste of her time, which figured considering she had willingly chosen to listen to you.

"Oh, right, duh." you said, smacking yourself in the head. "Okay, well, they're both like... books given life. The story, the characters, the scenery, all brought to life before you through acting, or sometimes animation, so that you can experience the story. The colors, the images, the sounds, the action, all in ways that you had only imagined before, now right before you."

"It sounds... actually rather fascinating." Apocrita admitted, her eyes holding a slight glimmer that you usually didn't see from her... or ever really. "Although, it seems like a bit of a waste. Part of the reason I like reading is because I can unfold the scene as I see fit. Sure, there's descriptions that you already have written down, but I've seen plays off of books before and they always seem to fall flat of what I had pictured in my mind."

"Pft, look at you, such an after school special about the wonder of books... nerd." you said, shaking your head at her words. She seemed to be little better than Twilight at this point.

"So you're saying they get interpretations perfect every single time?" she asked, sensing something wasn't quite right.

"Well... okay, no." you had to admit, rubbing a hand against the back of your neck as numerous examples flooded your mind. "There are times where they cut scenes or change them for the sake of a show or movie, but it takes away from the characters. Hell, sometimes a character gets dropped completely because they feel they're unnecessary! Those stupid motherfuckers!" you shout, fists clenched as you prepare to punch one of the bookshelves.

Apocrita certainly seemed astounded by the raw emphasis behind your hatred for imperfect book adaptations, which was quickly followed by a smug look. "Why Anon, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you actually love books. Might it be that you're... a nerd?"

Your eyes widened, mouth flapping for a moment to try and draw in air, but failed. Then, like stick of dynamite whose fuse reached its end, you exploded. "What!? No, shut up! You're the nerd! I'm not a nerd! All the cool kids were my friends! That's why they chose to honor me at prom as the king! I don't know how that pig's blood got above my head!" you bellowed, grabbing books off the shelves and started chucking them across the library as you raged.

"Be quiet or get out!" the librarian hissed, sick of your constant shouting at last. The mess you were making definitely wasn't helping out any, her eyes seeming to flash with rage at the sight.

Spinning on your heel, you pointed one finger at the old Changeling and another to your crotch. "Choke on my dick you old bug bitch!"

"Anon!" Apocrita yelped, quickly grabbing the back of your pants and pulling you away while you made increasingly more perverse gestures at the shocked Changeling, getting you behind one of the shelves just as you started unzipping your pants.

Releasing your pants, Apocrita quickly shoved one of her hooves into your hip, pinning you against the shelf, reminding you she was surprisingly strong for her size. "What the hell is wrong with you?! You may not care about coming back here, but I want to keep checking out books!" she chastised you, trying to keep herself from yelling.

"Pft, you won't get banned from the library. If she tries, I'll just tell Chrysalis to demand you be let back in. I'm kind of a big deal you know." you declare, crossing your arms over your chest and giving a cocky grin.

Instead of being grateful for your infinite generosity, Apocrita only applied more pressure, making you wince. "This is serious! The library may not matter much, but eventually Queen Chrysalis will get tired of your shit, so quit expecting that you're going to get everything like some sort of petulant child!"

Grimacing, you placed a hand on her leg and pushed the hoof off of you. "Actually, I can." you respond, although the usual overbearing cockiness wasn't there. Looking around to see if anypony, especially that bitch librarian, was listening in, you crouched down to whisper to Apocrita. "Between you and me, if I absolutely have to, I will fuck Chrysalis. It's the ace up my sleeve, my 'Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free' card. Perhaps literally."

Apocrita's eyes widened a bit, but instead of seeming impressed, she just turned away and began to walk down the aisle. "I can't believe we actually discovered a creature more manipulative than our queen." she sighed, seemingly disappointed. Shooting a quick look at you, but not stopping, she added "You know, I was actually enjoying our conversation for a moment. For once, it wasn't just dick jokes with you. You actually had something to contribute to a conversation and made me forget I've been an overly glorified babysitter for the past couple of days."

Frowning, you quickly followed after her, your longer legs allowing you to catch up quickly. "Dial down the emo a bit. I think I preferred simple nerd Ap to this."

"Whatever. I'm done trying. Just let me get my books and I'll put them away so we can go back to doing whatever it is you want." Apocrita requested. It felt like you had finally broken her, which in most cases would have been rather pleasing, but this was... not really what you wanted.

Knowing what you had to do, you took in a deep breath, then reached out, an arm at either side of the Changeling, and took hold of her just below her belly. Before she could react, you hoisted her up, surprised at how truly light she was, and pulled her against you so that her wings were pinned between her body and your chest, keeping your arms wrapped tightly around her in a hug.

"A-Anon, what are you doing?" Apocrita asked, squirming to try and get out of your hold, but avoiding thrashing about so nobody would end up seeing you two like this.

"Shush Ap, I need to do this." you state, giving an extra little squeeze before holding her out from you, shifting her around in your arms so she'd be facing you. The look on her face was priceless to be sure, violet eyes bugging out even more so than usual, with a red tinge on her cheeks that didn't fully make sense to you, since she had an exoskeleton.

Inhaling once more, you opened your mouth and said "Ap, I'm s-... I'm sor-ugh. I'm s-s-sor-AGH! Oh god, it hurts more than I thought it would." It turned out that your apology was hurting you more than you thought it would. The bile building up in your throat stung.

"Are you... are you trying to apolo-" Apocrita tried to ask, but you shook her up and down to keep her from finishing.

"N-no, you need to let me do this." you demand, not caring that you probably rattled her brain doing that. Swallowing your disgust with yourself, you closed your eyes and quickly rambled out "Ap, I'm sorry!" You had to drop her after that, clutching your stomach from the pain of your apology. "Christ, never let me have to do that again."

Apocrita stared at you, now seated on the floor before you after you let go, a mixture of bewilderment and something you couldn't quite recognize on her face. "You really suck at apologies, you know that?"

"I never apologize for my actions because it's an admission of guilt, my lawyer taught me that." you groan, straightening up as your stomach settles.

"Sounds like you have a really shitty lawyer and do a lot of bad things." she replies, although you can't help but notice that she seems to be smiling a small bit now. "But I suppose I should be happy that you would actually apologize to me then."

"You should. Brag about it if you want, cause the next time I do, it'll be in court during my sentencing." you state. You'll be damned when the day comes and they finally find the bodies and pin it to you.

Snorting, Apocrita looked you up and down, like she was trying to find something that she thought she'd missed. "Well, it's still a pretty shitty apology, so how about you do me a favor?"

"Holy dicks on a princess, I just apologized to you AND gave you a hug, and you still want more? You greedy bitch. Chrysalis would be sucking my dick right now if I gave her either." you exclaim, half expecting the librarian to shush you again, but after a few seconds you determined she learned her lesson. The books would be safe from your urine... for now.

"I'm pretty sure Queen Chrysalis would be sucking your dick right now if you'd just let her." Apocrita pointed out, not only poking a hole in your statement, but utterly ripping it a new asshole to anally ravage.

"Yeah, you're right on that one." you admitted. You thought about who else you could have named, but realized that the only people Apocrita would recognize were people you didn't want near your dick. Giving a shrug, you decided to humor Apocrita for her words and said "Fine, what do you want?"

She gave another soft smile and said "Nothing big, ju-"

"Like my dick." you quickly interrupt. She shot you a look, but the wide grin on your face said you weren't going to make any further remark.

"... Just that some time, you go ahead and tell me one of those stories from your world. As best as you can remember anyways." she concluded, her eyes set a little hard at first, but softening as the request came without further interruption.

"Huh, well... I guess, sure." you acknowledged, giving a shrug. "I'll try to think of a good one. I don't think all of them translate over to magic pony land very well. I mean, your world is basically a total fantasy that makes some of my stories mundane, and science fiction doesn't work if you don't really get the science."

"Perfect, we'll make a night of it, maybe when you want to get away from Queen Chrysalis for a bit and are fine with just holing up in your room." Apocrita suggests, offering an earnest smile as she rose up to continue perusing the library.

Following after her, you felt your stomach rumble and remembered that it was about time for lunch. "Hurry up and finish, I'm starving." you demand, once more returning to your childish behavior of abusing your caretaker.

Despite having to deal with your attitude, Apocrita didn't seem to be all that bothered, humming a bit before responding. "Sure, we can get you something to eat."

Your brow lifted up, asking "And what about you?"

She stopped, seemed to think it over, then continued on in the span of three seconds. "You know, I was thinking it before, but I'm not all that hungry now."

Author's Notes:

No, Anon has not actually killed anyone, in case you were wondering. I've also taken note of the various ships going on in the comments. Anon x Ap, Anon x Chrysalis, Anon x Luna, Anon x Anon's Right Hand, and the controversial Anon x Anon's Left hand. Well I figured I'd stoke the flames of war with this chapter... that, and to show that despite the fact Anon's an asshole, there is something resembling a heart in his chest, but the doctor's say it's just a tumor.