Pinkie Pie belonged to a religion known as "Glucosism". This church promoted the achievement of religous experiences through the massive consumption of sugary treats.

It was a small church. It had, in fact, only one member, and that was Pinkie Pie. But she was a restless promoter, and never seemed to be disparaged by the fact that her friends did not enjoy cakes, cupcakes, and ice cream quite as much as she did. (Part of this was due to the fact that Pinkie had an unnaturally high caloric consumption rate.)

This did, however, meant that she was thrilled when Rarity walked in, and even more thrilled when Rainbow Dash arrived moments later.

"Hey girls! Hey! How are you doing? I haven't seen any of my friends in, like, a whole day! Not since Twilight was here on her date! Hey, are you two on a date?"

Rarity and Rainbow Dash glanced at each other with a look of alarm. "Um- no," said Rainbow Dash swiftly.

"Oh! Then are you guys here for some treats! Don't worry, I'll go get some!"

"Hey, Pinkie, wait up!" shouted Rainbow Dash, but the pink mare had already dashed away into the kitchen.

"So what are you doing here?" asked Rainbow Dash, with nothing better to do.

"Me?" said Rarity, "I just ducked in here to avoid bumping into- her."

Now Rainbow Dash was puzzled. "Who's 'her'?"

But, at that exact moment, the door opened with a jingle and Applejack strode in. She and Rarity's eyes met. Applejack shot the unicorn a wide smile. Rarity gave her a look of deepest loathing, then moved three tables away.

What the heck is going on with those two? wondered Rainbow Dash, but she was distracted by Pinkie Pie, who materialized out of nowhere with a cake.

"Oh boy! Now three of my friends are here! That's so awesome! I totally need to go get another cake!"

"No, wait, Pinkie!" said Rainbow dash again, and this time, Pinkie did hear her. "I think we've got enough cake as it is."

"If you say so, Dashie!" exclaimed Pinkie. She somehow managed to grab both Applejack and Rarity from their respective tables and sat all them down next to her at Rainbow Dash's table. The awkwardness was not diminished by the fact that there was not much room for all four of them. Rarity immediately scooted her chair as far from Applejack's as possible.

"So what's going on, guys?" asked Pinkie. "Anything exciting going on? Ooh, do you have dates to the gala yet?"

Applejack winked at Rarity.

"Well, I was gonna talk to you about that," said Rainbow Dash. Applejack and Rarity instantly forgot their conflict and studied Rainbow Dash with interest.

"Do you have a date to the gala yet?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, not yet. But I'll be sure to find somepony soon!" said Pinkie.

"Do you wanna go to the gala with me?"

Rarity's jaw dropped. Applejack dropped the slice of cake she'd been holding. Even Pinkie stared at Rainbow Dash in surprise.

"Not like that!" snapped Rainbow Dash. "It's just, I was thinking yesterday, and I said, 'Hey, wouldn't it be a great joke if me and Pinkie went to the gala?'"

"Like- a prank?" asked Pinkie Pie, her interest piqued.

"Exactly!" said Rainbow Dash. "Just think- Princess Celestia comes to see us, and there's you and me, and we'll be dates!"

Pinkie Pie giggled. "That's a great idea! We should totally do it! Me and Dashie are going to the gala! You know what this calls for?"

"Not- a party?' said Rainbow Dash, a bit worried.

"Nope! Another cake!" she cried, beaming, and dashed away once more to the kitchen.

"Ah think she's got a problem," said Applejack.

The moment Pinkie left, Rarity and Applejack seperated again, leaving Rainbow Dash alone at the table with her thoughts.

Well, that problem's solved, she thought, relieved. Isn't it?

Wait 'till the news gets out I'm taking Pinkie to the gala, she considered ruefully. But then, it's just one night, and it's not like we're actually . . . She thought about Pinkie. Nice smile, poofy hair, great sense of humor, but did Rainbow really like her?

Maybe. But not really. I can't imagine being in a relationship with her. She grinned and pictured Pinkie Pie standing atop a table at a fancy restaurant, hurling breadsticks at the maitre'd. Or showing up to their wedding with the party cannon. Or having kids . . . Celestia forbid.

No, Pinkie wasn't exactly relationship material. And the "joke" wasn't very funny, even if Pinkie liked it. Why then, had Rainbow asked her?

'Cause you're not going to find a date anywhere else? said a rebellious voice in her head.

Shut up! I could get a date in no time! I just don't want to get a date! I can't be tied down, man!

This was definitely true. If Pinkie Pie would be terrible at a relationship, Rainbow Dash would be even worse. It would have to be a pretty patient pony to date Rainbow Dash. Patient, caring, tolerant . . .

An image of Fluttershy popped unbiden into Rainbow's head. What the- No way!

Rarity and Applejack stared at Rainbow. "Um- did I say that out loud?"

"Uh- yeah," said Applejack.

Offering no further explanation, Rainbow turned to look out the window. Yes, Fluttershy might be patient enough, and she was pretty, Rainbow hadn't made that up . . . but would it really work?

I'm just- protective of her. She's shy and fragile, so I look after her. Like a big sister! Yeah. Totally pastromic.

Just then, Pinkie Pie appeared with an even larger cake than before with icing that read "Pinkie and Dashie - Best Date-Friends Forever!"

"Do you like it?" Pinkie asked eagerly.

"Yeah . . . it's great," said Rainbow sheepishly, and took a slice. Me and Pinkie, going to the gala as friends. That's it. End of discussion.

"Oh, and I told the Cakes all about it, and they thought it was a great idea!" added Pinkie, before vacuuming up half the cake.

. . . Crap.

So see, the last chapter did actually have a purpose! Totally! Next chapter will shift away from RD and Flutters to the other ponies. But brace yourselves, because it's only going to get more unneccesarily convoluted!

Oh, and when RD says "pastromic", she means "platonic".