My Little Pony: Love is Confusing

by TheTwientist

Chapter 20: Princess Strangelove (or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ball)

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Twilight was perhaps the only pony in the ballroom who had known that the cake was going to explode. Even so, she'd only had about a half a second's warning, so it wasn't very helpful.

Twilight was very relieved to discover that she was not dead.

She was less relieved to see that she was covered in cake, and even less that she and Pinkie had ended up in some sort of embrace. Not again! Twilight really didn't enjoy all of the fake romantic situations the two had been getting into. Not one bit. She hated it. Completely. Utterly.

Twilgiht tried to unglue herself from Pinkie, but it was more difficult than it appeared. They just ended up in a more . . . comprimising position.

"I KNEW IT!" screamed a familiar voice. Trixie jumped on Pinkie, dragged her off of Twilight, and started punching the pink mare repeatedly.

"You're trying to-" whack "-steal her away-" pow "-from me!"

"Trixie! What are you doing?" asked Twilight in alarm.

"She's mine!" Trixie screamed. "Mine! Don't touch her!"


Trixie raised her hoof again to strike, but was distracted by the fact that she was floating in midair. Twilight had levitated her, and was glaring at the blue unicorn with a frightening amount of anger.

"I have put up with you for three days!" said Twilight. "You are possesive, paranoid, and quite possibly insane. But I have tolerated you for three days, just so I could show up with a date. I could have put up with it. Barely, but I could have survived."

If looks could kill, Trixie would have spontaneously combusted.

"But you've gone too far. You. Do. Not. Hurt. My. Friends!"

Trixie braced herself for a painful impact, but none came. Twilight simply put her back down.

"Have I made myself clear?"

Trixie nodded and trotted away as fast as her hooves could carry her.

Twilight immediately turned to Pinkie. "Are you okay?"

Pinkie nodded. "I grew up on a rock farm. I'm tough."

She got onto her hooves and peered into the crowd. "What are you gonna do without a date?"

"Me?" said Twilight. "I'm gonna go get a drink."

To clarify, she meant a drink of punch. And not spiked punch, either. Normal, fruit-flavored, non-alcoholic punch.

Luckily, the palace staff were remarkably competent, and had managed to bring out new food and clear away most of the debris within twenty minutes.

"Rough night?"

Twilight Sparkle almost didn't react to the arrival of Princess Celestia. She did flinch, but only just.

"You have no idea," Twilight sighed.

"It hasn't exactly been a cakewalk for me either," said Celestia. "Especially since your friend decided to blow up half the palace."

"It wasn't her fault-!" began Twilight, but Celestia just snorted into her drink.

"Kidding! Kidding! I know it was an accident. You are so easy to rile up, Twilight."

Twilight merely scowled.

"I saw your, ah, "date". She looked like she'd seen a manticore," said Celestia.

"I only put up with her because you told me to get a date," said Twilight, grimacing.

"I think I should take the blame for that."

Cadance trotted up and sat down beside Twilight, who stared at in her in confusion.

"What in the world are you talking about?"

Cadance grinned. "You remember that letter you got? It was a summons, for a gala planning session. And considering your opinion of love you'd just expressed, I figured it might be good if you had to bring a date."

"You- you- how dare you!" said Twilight, nearly shouting. "I went through all this trouble- my friend got attacked-"

"I didn't want to hurt you, Twilight," said Cadance, looking sheepish. "It was in your best interests."

"My best interests? Ha! You practically put me through Tartarus this week" -she hiccuped- "and my friends haven't had it much better."

"I wouldn't say that," said Cadance. "Look out the window."

Twilight turned her head and, through the gloom, made out the forms of Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy sitting under a tree and nuzzling affectionately.

"Did I miss something?" ask Twilight in surprise.

"I'd certainly say so," said Celestia, giggling a bit.

"I knew it from the moment I met them. I have a sense for these things, you know," said Cadance with a wink.

Just then, Rarity and Applejack trotted over. "Hiya, Twilight," said Applejack, blushing slightly. "Glad ta see yer okay. We jus' came over fer some punch."

"Don't worry, I'll get you some," called Raritty, filling two cups.

"Thanks, Rarity," said Applejack, causing Rarity to turn a beautiful shade of scarlet. The two retrieved their drinks and walked away, nearly bumping into everal ponies because they couldn't stopp looking at their hooves.

"That's- a new one," said Twilight, after failing to think of any other response.

"The love wasn't as prominent there," said Cadance, "it was there, all right, but you had to dig way down to reach it. Ultimately, I got some help."


"Spike," said Cadance, with a straight face.

"Spike?" said Twilight. "now you're just pulling my leg. There's no way Spike would play matchmaker for the love of his life."

"I thought so too," said Cadance. "He adored her! Still does, really. But a few days ago I got a letter asking for advice. There was a mare her liked who didn't like him in return. And yet, the pony who she thought she liked wasn't really the pony who she did like . . ."

Twilight tilted her head.

"Bottom line, Spike wanted to make Rarity happy, even if it meant she wasn't dating him. It was very sweet. And it worked, although not exactly the way I expected."

Twilgiht opened her mouth, then shut it again.

"So this gala wasn't a complete waste after all," concluded Cadance.

"You're crazy," said Twilight. Celestia nodded in silent agreement. Cadance tactfully ignored her.

"I think there's somepony at this gala for you, too," Cadance added. "You ought to go find him. Or her."

"You're crazy," Twilight repeated.

"Just try it," said Cadance. Twilight sighed, got up, and trotted away.

Cadance was wrong. There was no pony for Twilight at the gala. Admittedly, she didn't exactly try to meet up with somepony, but there wasn't even the hint of romance in the air, or whatever claptrap you wanted to call it.

Mentally (and physically) worn out, Twilight flopped down at a little table in the corner. She was pleasantly surprised to see Pinkie there. "Hiya, Twilight!" she exclaimed.

"At least one of my friends hasn't fall in love tonight," said Twilight, rolling her eyes.

Pinkie grinned. "I know! Can you believe that Flutters and Dashie hooked up? They're so cute together! And I'm glad they both got an actual date, instead of just a joke date, 'cause you gotta have a real date on Hearts and Hooves Day. And have you seen Rarity and Applejack? I totally didn't see that one coming-"

"Pinkie," Twilight cut in, "please stop. You're depressing me."

Pinkie frowned. "Why's that? Aren't you happy that our friends are happy?"

"Well, yes," admitted Twilight, "but Cadance put me through all this to teach me something about love. All my friends are happy, but all I can find is a mare who punches you in the face. And now, here I am, all alone, feeling nothing except slight annoyance. For me, the night's been a compete failure."

"If it makes you feel any better, Twilight, I don'thave anypony either," said Pinkie in a surprisingly shy voice.

Twilight laughed harshly. "Great, we can be single mares together!"

Pinkie's shoulders slumped for some reason. She stared off into space for a few moments, then said, nearly whispering, "Can I try something, Twilight?"

Twilight furrowed her brow. "Uh, sure, but what-"

Pinkie leaned forward across the table and kissed Twilight.

And Twilight kissed her back.

They kept kissing for a while, maybe thirty seconds, but what did it matter? The whole gala could have been watching for all Twilight cared. She was kissing Pinkie, and Pinkie was kissing her, and Twilight liked it. A lot. Pinkie had a nice, sugary smell.

At last they pulled apart, and Pinkie looked down. "I liked it last time, and I wanted to try it again," she murmured.

Twilight reached across the table and rested her hoof against Pinkie's. The pink mare smiled, and her eyes sparkled with delight.

"Perhpas the night hasn't been a complete failure after all," Twilight muttered, to no one in particular.

The Tally:

Number of Times Twilight Has been Kissed: 3
Number of Ponies She Has Kissed: 1
Number of Times Twilight Wanted To Be Kissed: 1

Next Chapter: How Spike Got His Swag Back Estimated time remaining: 4 Minutes
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