This chapter is a soft edit with some grammar and spelling corrections. A final edit is pending review and will be uploaded when finalized. I apologize in advance for any errors that were not corrected.

Grammar and formatting updated, 04 JULY, 2020.

Lumberman had his eyes trained forward. Not necessarily looking for anything or any place, in particular, just a suitable place for him to hide away from everyone and the equine welcoming party that showed up. He really just needed to give Benny and Cerb some time to cool their jets, hopefully not break anything of value, and then he could come back and make a peace offering.

Applejack's voice invaded his thoughts as he neared the forests' edge. "Hold up a minute!"

"Gawd, damn it," he mumbled to himself. "Go away Apple Jacks. I'm cereal."

Maybe not the greatest joke, or even appropriate, considering that she wouldn't actually understand the context. Perhaps it was the concussion he was sure he had. Nothing felt right since coming here.

Apple Jack trotted up, quickly closing the distance.

"Do you even know where you're walking off into?"

Lumberman pointed towards the tree line with the bottle of booze in his hand. "Yeah," he turned his head to properly mock the unwanted company.

"I'm heading into the dark and scary pony woods. That a problem?"

Lumberman was just far enough ahead at this point to notice the shocked look overtake her face, then scrunched up as she appeared to be offended. Pleased with his results, he continued on as he had before being interrupted.

Applejack was shocked at his statement, and a bit offended that he would downplay the seriousness of danger that the Everfree Forest presented. However, since he wasn't slowing down, that just meant she had to speed up.

"You do know your walking towards the Everfree Forest, not the Scary Pony Woods, right?" Applejack asked, rhetorically.

"What's the difference?" Lumberman asked, though he honestly didn't care.

Applejack could see just how careless and callous he was being with his words. She could play along.

"Well, for starters, there is no Scary Pony Woods. At least not in these parts. Plus all the dangerous wild creatures that live here in the forest."

"Like bunnies, deer, and squirrels. Maybe a raccoon or two. Right?" Lumberman mockingly answered.

Applejack laughed. She warned him of dangerous wild creatures, and he responds with cautions of Fluttershy's tea party guests? Who does this colt think he's talking to?

"Hahaha! You're a funny one there, Mr. Lumberman. Bunnies and squirrels? Dangerous creatures? You must have some awfully ferocious little critters if those are your go-to list of dangerous wild creatures."

She shot him a look that just screamed 'That the best you got?'

Well, it was now or never. Lumberman led the way to a small opening that welcomed them into the mysterious forest. He met her expression as they crossed the threshold, and it was too late for his pride to let her talk him into turning back.

"No," the sarcasm flowing richly as he spoke. "We got wolfs, bears, and cougars. Shit like that. I can't imagine you ponies have anything much worse than what we got."

Applejack continued walking on alongside Lumberman through the edge of the forest with a bright and shiny coat of confidence.

"Well, we certainly have our fair share of bears. Fluttershy I think keeps one as a roommate."

Lumberman looked down and the smiling mare, surely something was lost in translation.

Applejack could practically feel his eyes punching down on her. She turned to match his stare down.

"Or maybe he just visits a lot. Even Grizzlies need a safe place to stay out in these parts."

Lumberman had to put a stop to this. No cartoon pony world could have creatures so dangerous that a Grizzly would seek shelter. At least not with that shy little yellow flying horse. Though he had to ask.

"Why would a Grizzly hide with a chick like Fluttershy?"

"Chick?" Applejack didn't recognize that term.

Still curious, Lumberman corrected himself.

"I mean, why would a Grizzly hide with a shy and timid little pony like Flutters?"

Applejack chuckled.

"Well shoot. Fluttershy is certainly shy and timid. At least until something sets a fire off in her belly. 'Flutters' can toss 'ol Harry around like I toss bails of hay. She once blew a fuse on a pony that made her drop a letter. Grabbed the colt with her teeth and threw'em at least a good eighty yards."

"With her teeth?" Lumberman, questioned?

Applejack chuckled again.

"Heh, yep. Rarity and Pinkie Pie saw the whole thing. Apparently, she stared down a Cockatrice. I don't recommend you try that, though. Anypony else would have been turned to stone like everything else that stares into them eyes they got."

"Okay, so I shouldn't be surprised by mystic medusa-like magic creatures," Lumberman silently thought to himself.

"She's also made a Hundred-foot dragon cry and said he had to find a new place to stay," Applejack said with a sly grin. "And leave Equestria he most certainly did."

"Jesus Christ. What the fuck is up with this crazy horse world?" The words feel out of Lumberman's mouth like loose marbles.

Applejack cocked her head to the side, more confused by the slew of unfamiliar words and phrases.

"Who with the what and other what is up our crazy horse world, now?"

She continued on after not getting a response. "You didn't let me get to the Timberwolves. Nasty critters just pop up out of nowhere. Never know if the fallen sticks and tree bark are just sticks and tree bark or if they'll snap together and try to take a bite right outta yer flank."

"Okay," Lumberman temporarily would compromise with the pompous fruit horse. "I think this is far enough away from the house for now."

Applejack sighed a sigh of relief as she turned back to where they had just walked in from. Facing away, her relief gave way to remorse. Task one was complete, she got the wandering human to stop his further travels into the Everfree forest. Now it was time to make up for foolish words.

"Well, we should be heading back now, I ah reckon. But on the way-"

A thump, flop, and slosh of liquid from behind her spooked her from behind. She turned to see the man she came to stop half sitting back against a tree and half-forward slumped over himself. Oh Celestia, was he sick? Did he pass out? Did something from the forest get to him when she was turned away?

"Uh... Mr. Lumberman? You alright over there?" Her words were soft-spoken as she approached.

"We don't have to leave right away if you want to just sit down for a moment. That's all you're doing, right? Mister.?"

She moved closer, stopping for a moment after her hoof clanked against the stocky glass bottle he dropped. At least it landed upright and didn't seem to lose much of its contents.

Lumberman sat uncomfortably halfback against the trees, half uncomfortably against his legs. Everything he'd been holding back and feeling since the revelation of being in this fucking cartoon world was burning in his mind. The thoughts churning his gut. Just keeping it in was becoming too much. He felt like he was about to scream. Like he was a whole bottle of Tequila deep and out of control with his mouth.

"I fucking hate this goddamn place!" Lumberman screamed out with much relief.

"Okay," Applejack stood still, sizing up just how this human was going to react next.

Lumberman sat up a bit, no longer staring into his lap.

"No phone. No way home. My best friend is dying. I pissed off my friends because I couldn't keep my cool and thought about putting you and that Rainbow bitch in her place would stop all your stupid fucking accusations." He stared fire and venom into Applejack's watchful eyes.

She didn't step back or try to console his anger. Cerb got his shots in, seems only right to allow this one to do the same. So long as his words didn't turn physical, let him vent and then explain her piece. Find some mutual understanding from there.

She softly let her position be known.

"Look... I don't... fully understand all the words yer yelling. What with the 'fucking' and whatnot. But I understand what you're saying. And I... I just..."

She couldn't look away from the pain and ire emanating from the man in front of her. Even though the sight of his frustration was all but crippling her.

"I just wanted to properly apologize fer being so gosh dern rude and accusatory on you and your friends... Knowing what I know now, I deserve every bit of what ya got ta' say."

God only knew how was he ever pissed on his way out here, but then she just had to tag along and fuck up his views on the situation. He could have been quiet and kept to himself, but something about her being there. It didn't make him angrier, he just couldn't keep his thoughts in his head anymore. Something just drove him out into the open. But now, with her confession and well-stated apology, his thoughts were only of the hurt. All these thoughts he used to keep quiet were bringing back so many bad memories.

"It's just so fucking hard to keep losing the good people in your life," came the words from a less angry-sounding Lumberman.

"I didn't understand death with my grandma passing when she died. I was lost without my dad when he was killed. I was alone without my brother when he was taken. Lost hope without my cousin."

The painful memories rose to the surface. Maybe the unhealthy combination of head trauma and hard liquor was to blame for his loss of cognitive control and ability to keep his emotions in check. Regardless, the tears were coming out to play.

"It wasn't until Becky got sick I realized that I wasn't just stuck with a loveless mother and a two-bit whore of a sister. My friends were my family."

Applejack wanted to comfort Lumberman. He was opening up instead of dishing it out. Was this what it looked like when they couldn't hide it anymore. It was... horrible. Almost frightening to see this creature, pony or otherwise, stuck in such agony like he was. And it was only getting worse.

She watched as Lumberman started doing an odd short breath of air in and out, huffs. His shoulders jerking up with each huff. A little grunt or a cough followed by another huff. Oh, sweet Luna, no. Don't let him start- yep, he's crying.

"And then..."

Another short pause in his words as he tried to stop his cries from replacing his words. "Then, as I was getting ready to enjoy the time I had left with Becky... everyone else started dying. Tim. Eric. Amber... had to bury them. Then Cerb comes home all, but fucking ripped apart and stitched back together. Benny came back like a walking corpse." He reached for his bottle that had fallen out of reach.

Applejack grabbed the short neck of the bottle with her mouth and carried it over to the weeping man. She almost dropped it halfway over to him. Whatever was in that bottle, there was a taste of it that had dripped down where she held it in her mouth. It burned for a moment as the taste of Rarity's hairspray invaded her tongue. But then it mellowed out with an oaky and metallic flavor. Almost a little bittersweet, the more it rested on her taste buds.

Lumberman grabbed the bottle and greedily started to guzzle it. There wasn't enough to get him drunk. Well, at least not super drunk.

Right now, he just wanted to drown out his thoughts. He lowered the bottle to see Applejack standing silently. He couldn't' tell if she was scared, showing pity, or if she was expecting more yelling and cursing.

But this whole situation was fucked, he thought to himself. She couldn't blame them for how they are. He couldn't blame them for how they are if he was honest with himself. Regardless, it felt like the liquid magic that only the blue agave plant can produce was doing the trick. His mind was simmering down and calming his stomach. Or at least it felt like that was the case.

"Don't just stand there like you're waiting for me to slap you down or something," Lumber said in a confusingly apologetic tone, trying to break this awkward tension between the two.

He looked to her with soft and un-criticizing eyes, waiting for her to look back at him.

"What you said hurt, no lie. But you also didn't know what you were talking about," He said, soft but firmly, much like a father would while lecturing a misbehaving child.

These words gave an unwelcomed sense of relief to Applejack. She had convinced herself that this was going to be painful, yet it seems to have ended just as quickly as it started.

"Well I just feel terrible," she finally said, looking up and addressing him face to face. "And I'm terribly sorry about all of the-"

"Stop, stop, stop," Lumberman cut her off, unexpectedly. "Please. I don't need to hear any more apologies."

Was this man messing with her? Applejack didn't understand this quick and unprovoked turn in his demeanor.

"I'm just trying to say I'm sorry. You don't need to be so difficult about it." She said, a bit wounded.

"I understand what you're doing and what you're saying," he responded again with that comforting tone of his. "We just don't know each other like that."

"Like what?" Applejack inquired.

"You've known me for all of what? twenty or thirty minutes? You know less about the kind of person I am, how I feel, or how I want to be treated than you do about my family history." Lumberman ended that note with another long draw from his bottle.

Applejack was floored at such a comment. She didn't even know how to respond. Was he being rude, or was that his way of trying to set some kind of boundary between them? Maybe he was saying that as an invitation for her to get to know him more?

"Why can't these humans just be straightforward and not so complicated like ponies?" She wondered to herself.

"Hugh..." she sighed, giving up on trying to win this argument if that was what they were having. "Well, I guess you're right about that much."

She eyed him sympathetically.

"But maybe we could get to know each other well enough that maybe my words have a bit more meaning?" She offered.

"Hey, now-" He quickly countered. "I never said your apology didn't mean anything or that it was worthless. I just meant that you're saying a lot more than you need to." Lumberman clarified with all of his sincerity as Applejack walked a bit closer.

"And..." Lumberman slowly shook his aching head. "I still can't believe I'm having a conversation with a talking horse."

He readied his bottle to take another swig but hesitated.

"This is like some serious Mr. Ed level bull shit."

"A mister who, now?" A confused Applejack asked before he could take another drink.

Lumberman was just about to put the bottle to his lips again but stopped just short from her question.

"Oh," he thought for a second on how to best describe a black and white live-action show with an actual horse as its main character.

"Ugh..." Nope, nothing came to mind. "It was a different show from long ago. I can't even explain it." He quickly blurted out before taking another drink.

Applejack stared curiously at the strange clear liquid now taking over her focus and attention.

"Just what is that you're drinking? I've never tasted anything like it."

Lumberman drew back the bottle and wiped his lips.

"Oh," he cleared his throat. "This is..." he took another second to think about this situation.

"Y'all don't have alcohol around here, do you?" This world seems to be based on a kids show. It would be odd if they did have booze. Not unless it was a show from thirty years ago, perhaps.

She tried to clarify.

"You mean like medical cleaning supplies?"

"Nah," he waved off the question. "That's isopropyl alcohol. That's toxic if you drink it. This here, though." He held up the bottle of Tequila. "This is Tequila. It's an ethanol-based alcohol."

Applejack stared blankly for a moment, waiting for all possibilities of her understanding what he just said to process... and fail.

"Okay. I'm gonna spit this out for ya nice and easy like, so you can explain that to me again."

Applejack cleared her throat and began to speak slowly, over enunciating every word.

"My name is Apple-Jack. I live on a Farm and grow Apples. I don't understand... your fancy words. You must ‘uh thought... you were talking to Twi-Light."

Lumberman returned an equally blank stare.

"Okay." He pointed to Applejack with a serious face. "I'd be mad about that kind of sarcasm from someone I didn't really know, but it was funny, and you got your point across."

His serious face turned to a grin, much to Applejack's relief. Then, as he brought up the bottle, he hesitated for a second, then lowered it to point to her again.

"Also, I might borrow that joke in the future."

He brought the bottle back up again, ready to educate this pony.

"Okay, so, rubbing alcohol is a manufactured type of alcohol. You can't drink it because it's too strong and becomes toxic in the body. Ethanol alcohol can be naturally fermented or distilled. It's safe to drink."

He brought the bottle to his lips but again hesitated, turning his attention back to Applejack. "In moderation, at least."

Lumberman took another sip before offering the apple-themed pony a sample.

"Ugh, hold on now." Applejack extended her hoof against the bottle. "What 'uh mean 'It's safe to drink in moderation'?"

Lumberman held out the bottle, slightly rolling it from side to side as he explained.

"If you drink just a little bit, you don't even feel anything. You drink a little more, you might get a little buzz going or feel tipsy. It takes a lot to get drunk, usually. You have to drink a whole lot for it to even make you sick."

Applejack trained her eyes from the bottle to Lumberman and back again.

"I dunno. That doesn't exactly sound safe."

Lumberman respectfully withdrew the bottle.

"It's okay. You ain't gotta try it. I was just offering. You're more likely to drown on dry land than die from a sip, but whatever."

Applejack sighed. The small taste she had earlier wasn't overall terrible. She was probably acting far more cautious than she needed to be. Plus, maybe this was his peace offering to her. It would be rude to just turn him down because she wasn't familiar with it.

"No. I'm sorry. You're probably right. I'm just a bit nervous about trying new things sometimes, is all." She admitted, not even trying to hide her embarrassment about it.

Lumberman graciously offered her the bottle with the cap already off. As kind of a gesture as it was, he just wanted the subject to be changed. Talk about anything other than what was on his mind. His feelings, dead family and friends, or the trauma he had to help Cerb and Benny recover from their time in the service. Although, having a talking pony try Tequila... now there's a story to tell Cerb when he gets back

"I ever tell you the time I convinced a talking horse to take a shot of Tequila?" He could hear his own words in his head and already see Cerb's goofy reaction.

He must have been thinking too hard about his future storytelling, as he came to the sight of Applejack nearly polishing off the last bit of the bottle. He might have to carry this pony back to the house now. Good job, brain. Way to control the situation of liquoring up a horse. Wait... maybe this was all a bad idea. Fuck. This was all a bad idea.

His mind screamed internally.

"Shit! She's still drinking!"

"Hey!" Lumberman finally turned thought to action and reached out to pull back on the bottle. "Damn, girl. I said, try it. Not kill the bottle."

Applejack cleared her throat. Appearing to have swallowed wrong when the bottle was pulled back.

"Oh," she dabbed her mouth dry with the neckerchief.

"Sorry. That stuff is a bit sneaky, ain't it?" She tapped the bottle with the tip of her hoof.

Lumberman was honestly impressed. She didn't cough or start hacking up a lung. Thank god she didn't vomit. She took it like a champ.

He also didn't really understand what she meant when she described it.

"Sneaky? What ya mean by that?"

"Well, getting a full taste instead of a drop like before, at first I thought I was drinking one of Twilight's potions, but only it was on fire. But the more you drink it, the better it tastes. Kinda like mineral water mixed with cucumber and melon."

Applejack rubbed under her chin, looking up, lost in thought.

"Kinda like that girly stuff Rarity likes to drink at the spa -" Applejack came back to reality, facing Lumberman. "-but yours taste better, I ah reckon."

Lumberman surely would have a story to tell Cerb after all.

"I just can't believe you drank that much. I'm impressed."

"That much?" She was a bit worried about all his warnings now. "Wait. Did I drink too much? What's gonna happen to me?"

"I'm sure you're fine," Lumberman said, trying to calm her. "You didn't really drink all that much. But you drank a lot more than I thought you would have in just a single go. I doubt you'd even get tipsy. You seem like a pretty strong lady. I'm sure you can hold it."

"Hold... it? What exactly am I holding onto?" She felt a flush or heat starting to burn in her gut that spread up to her face.

Lumberman smiled.

"You know. Hold your liquor. If you were a lightweight, you’d already be drunk or passed out."

"Heh. Well, shucks. I like to think that I've always been the stronger of all the others. Cept maybe my brother Big Mac. Seems to be something us Apples are known for."

After a brief moment of praising the family name, she looked back to Lumberman, who didn't look so well. Almost... sickly.

"Ugh, you okay there, partner?"

Lumberman didn't know how to answer. He felt hot all over. Lightheaded. Almost like... like he was drunk. But the bottle wasn't enough to do him in like this.

"Wow. Oh, shit. I dunno. I feel really fucking hot. Kinda tipsy."

"Is that the drunk you were talking about? You did drink most of that bottle, ya know." Applejack pointed out.

Lumberman waved her off.

"No. I'm a professional dink... Drinker. I can drink a lot more than-" He tried to sit up, but fell back against the tree. "Da fuq?"

He pulled up the bottle and looked inside.

"Did somebody switch my shit? I shouldn't be this drunk."

This gave Applejack a great idea to finally have him head back to the others.

"Well, it sounds like we should probably get ya back. Drunk or no drunk. Right?"

Lumberman blinked hard and nodded.

"Yeah. That's a good idea, even though I don't want to go back, I should." That feeling in his gut was coming back, his mind flooding with thoughts that were screaming to get out. This wasn't drunk. This was something else.

Applejack motioned with her hoof, though her balance wasn't where it should be, which was odd.

"You gonna make it? I don't need to carry you back now, do I?" She said with a chuckle.

Lumberman turned to her with sad eyes.

"Don't tell anyone what I told you."

Applejack stared a bit confused. Was this supposed to be a confidential conversation?

"Don't tell anyone what?"

Lumberman rolled over to all fours, sloppily moving forward. He looked up, still with those sad eyes.

"I said things I wasn't supposed to. You don't need tuh know."

"You mean, about your friends not-" She stopped her words short as she watched Lumberman collapse to the ground without even bracing himself. Just plopped down face first.

"Ugh. Lumberman?... Mr. Man?"

Lumberman didn't reply outside of the sound of him snoring. The snoring that comes from some mighty deep sleep.

Applejack went to take a step forward but slightly faltered.

"For crying out loud, what in tarnation is going on with my-" Her mind fell back to one word Lumberman said prior to passing out. 'Tipsy'...

It was obvious now that she dun goofed. She facehoofed hard at how poor her efforts had rewarded her.

"Oh good going, AJ. You just had to drink as much as you could not knowing your limits, didn't ya?"

She scoffed as she came to realize just how much her motor skills were becoming impaired.

"Good second first impression, girl. Great job."

Applejack looked down at the sleeping human. "Well, could be worse, I guess. Right big guy?"

She giggled to herself as she started to ponder the best way to bring him back to the others. Might as well get to dragging 'em. Wouldn't be the first time she had to haul a friend around on her back.

"Okay, let's get ya back on home now, partner." She muffled out with the back of his shirt in her mouth. With a good grip with her teeth, she gave a firm tug that carried him all of maybe half a foot.

She immediately let him loose, stumbling back on her flank.

"Ugh... don sarn'it. Should 'uh brought Rainbow."

Rubbing both of her cheeks, she tried to bring some sense back to her slowly fading train of thought. "No. Come on now. You're an Apple, Applejack. You don't need wings or magic to fix this. Just use yer stink'n head, would ya."

She examined her surroundings, looking for a resolution. Trees... Trees... Some sticks... Trees. That a squirrel? Who cares? Some vines... Lumberman's bottle of delicious poison. More sticks... More-Yep. Idea time.

"Okay, AJ. Let's show this colt you got what it takes to get him home."

In no time at all, Applejack had fashioned together a suitable stretcher made from the random sticks and vines that were scattered about. Okay, not actually in no time at all. She kept sneaking a sip or two of Lumberman's Tequila while fashioning his transportation to ride home in.

The whole time she took another sip, she made sure that she didn't take more than she should have. She asked him each time she took another sip, and he never said boo about it. (Yeah, she asked him while he was passed out and took his non-response as an okay... not her best moment.)

It took a few minutes, and drunken tumbles over his limp body, but she finally got him seated properly and strapped in.

"Ho'kay. Now wE... are off, Woodman!"

Applejack brought the straps taut and lifted both of her left legs. Doing so brought her to the ground with a thud.

"What in the hay?" She thought for a second laying on her left side. "Oh yeah. Tu lefs dun't make 'a right."

She closed her eyes and chuckled drunkenly to herself.

"No." Her eyes opened with a narrow gaze that disapproved. "That's fer something else." Her eyes shifted back and forth. "Nopony must know of this."

She tilted her head back towards Lumberman, though not far enough to see him. "Lumberguy. You tell nopony 'bout this, I'll tell nopony 'bout what y' all told me. Deal?"

She took another snore he rumbled as agreement, much like she did for all the booze she slipped in while he was out.

"It's a deal!" She strained to say as she climbed back up to her hooves. "

Okay, AJ. You know how this goes. Left and the right.

"She glared at her front left leg. "Got it?"

Her right leg twitched.

"Good. Let's go."

Making her epic journey back to the human house had begun, Applejack stumbled along. Attached to the stretcher, an unconscious human sleeping, and a nearly empty bottle of Tequila in her saddle bag that wasn't going to make it back with a drop to spare.

Another pony was about to get an introduction into alcohol.

"What is Vodka?" Starlight asked with a sheepish grin.

Kelly knelt down and smiled softly like a mother would to her child asking for alcohol.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Glimmy. But Vodka is more of an adult drink."

Starlight gave the cutest WTF face a pony could.

"I am an adult."

"Two bottles," Kelly managed to spit out between coughs. "She's good. We can share. Bring something sweet."

Starlight did double-takes between the two.

"Wait. You still didn't tell me what Vodka is. What kind of a drink is it?"

Becky held back her coughs as best she could.

"Think of it as a drink to help you relax or have fun. Friends drink it when they get together. You'll love it."

As Kelly walked off to the garage to bring back her half-emptied bottle of Vodka, and something else that she thought a pony might like, Becky gave a quick breakdown of alcohol. Its variations, effects, and the does and don'ts to expect. Kelly rounded the corner of the garage with not two but three bottles of booze. Apparently, she couldn't decide between the Amaretto liqueur and the coconut rum.

Coming back with her hands full turned out to be the right move since the conversation brought the attention of Twilight and Rainbow Dash into the tasting experiment of human booze.

The three mares eyed the bottles as they were carried over. They were all nervous, yet excited, about what taste and sensations they were about to experience.

"Oh. Looks like we have a bit of a crowd growing, now," Kelly said, setting the bottles down in one of the empty chairs. "If I didn't know any better I'd swear we were throwing ourselves a little p-"

A blue hoof quickly covered her mouth as magenta eyes rose level with hers.

"Shh," hushed Rainbow Dash. "Don't say the 'P' word, or you'll bring about the Pink One." She cautioned.

Twilight laughed quietly to herself.

"Yeah, we had a little chat while you were busy. We all think it's best if we kept this quiet and not get too excited."

Rainbow Dash released Kelly and fluttered back to the grass.

"Sorry. Better me in your face than Pinkie with a party cannon."

Kelly smiled and shrugged it off.

"Hey. That's fine by me. We can always introduce her to this later on."

Becky smiled and cleared her slightly hoarsed throat (no pun intended).

"True, but eventually, I want to see her three sheets to the wind. It would be crazy."

Starlight chuckled at the thought of a more crazy Pinkie Pie.

"He-he-he. Oh, Pinkie is plenty crazy enough as she is.”

And the thought of a more crazy Pinkie Pie hit her, and her expression changed.

"Sweet Celestia, that'd be terrifying..."

There was a slight pause before they all started laughing, and Kelly pulled open a bag of little red plastic shot glasses. Carefully balancing them upright in the grass, eleven empty cups in all were ready for sampling.

"Alright, girls. Time for show and tell, happy hour."

She poured the first three shots in front half full of Vodka. The next three in line had the coconut rum. The third row held nearly a full shot of Amaretto.

The last two in the back were for Becky and Kelly. They were used to mixing liquors together but wanted the ponies to taste each of their shots untainted.

She poured a shot for herself and Becky.

"So first up, Vodka."

Becky raised her little red shot glass up for a toast. Kelly joined in, followed by another that was impressively held by blue feathers, then two more in matching glowing auras.

"To making the best of a bad situation with alcohol and making new friends," Becky said, her words sounding sincerely optimistic.

"To making the best of a bad situation with alcohol and making new friends." the rest of the ladies repeated.

They all took the first social drink together, making it the first to be shared by humans and ponies.

Their reactions were mixed to the Vodka. Becky and Kelly took it like champs. Rainbow Dash said she couldn't taste anything. Twilight gagged on it, somehow. Starlight said it tasted like cold tea made from lavender and pine needles, but that she liked it?

"Okay," Kelly took the reins again. "Little miss celebration here loves her some Vodka, but this is more of my jam, here. I'm sure everyone here can get down with some coconut."

She again poured herself and Becky a shot, as the others raised their drinks in preparation for another toast. They were all looking forward to this one.

Rainbow asked with a bit of anticipation.

"What do we drink to this time?"

Sniff's voice came from the garage.

"What the hell? You're doing shots without us?"

"To the walk away rule!" Starlight said a bit too excitedly.

Chirs hollered back in rebellion.

"Oh my god! You fucking traitors!"

All the ladies cheered together and took their shots.

"To the walk away rule!"

The reactions were more uniform this time. Becky and Kelly both enjoyed it, obviously. And all three mares relished how this one tasted, though Starlight said it had a weird aftertaste to it.

As Kelly was pouring the last drink for her and Becky to share, Twilight asked, "So, what did we just drink to?"

Starlight had a light blush developing from the drinks. She waved her hoof out in front of the group.

"Don't worry, girls. I'll fill them in about the game later. I really want to taste this one. It smells so much better than the others did."

After getting a hint of the sweet scent, Rainbow agreed.

"If this one tastes as good as it smells, it has to be the best one."

"Only one way to find out," Becky said, raising her drink.

Twilight raced into the toast.

"To the Magic of Friendship!"

Everyone pulled their drinks, leaving Twilights to float there all alone while denouncing the toast and calls for a do-over.

Starlight mockingly glared at Twilight.

"Really? You're gonna pull a weak toast like that?"

"Yeah," fired out from Rainbow Dash. "We were being so cool, and you had to bring that lame 'o quote out?"

"What?" Twilight protested. "Come on. That's like, the one thing I'm known for."

"Come on, Twilight. Becky already did the toast to friends. You can do better," Kelly said, intentionally being cute about it.

Becky tried to play the role of peacekeeper.

"Now, now, girls. Let's give ole' girl here another chance. This is her first time giving a toast with real alcohol," she playfully said, eyeing the purple princess.

Twilight's lowered her drink for a moment as she thought. Something positive. Something fun. Something they could all get behind. And the words came to her finally. She raised her glass again, raising it higher then they all had before. She gave her toast loud and proud.

"To the first humans of Equestria!"

The first few seconds felt like minutes as the words sunk in. Twilight thought that she had botched it again.

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash shouted at the salute.

"Yeah!"

Starlight cheered in.

"To humans!"

Getting into the spirit, Becky added.
"First in Equestria, baby!"

While not quite the message, but that's what Kelly decided to say, and she poured the drinks, so fuck it.

"We're number one!"

Unexpected, Sniff's voice came in.

"To waiting out the walk away rule."

All eyes turned to see Sniff walking out to the group with Chris, Benny, and Cerb in tow. Each with a drink in hand. Cans of beer, but still, drinks all the same.

Standing next to Sniff, she gave him a gentle nudge with his elbow.

"How about to friends not letting friends drink alone?"

Joining the group, Benny stepped up with Cerb.

"To coming together."

Cerb took a deep breath and sighed, raising his beer can.

"To anger management," he tried saying it with a straight face, but it obviously came out as a joke.

Then came the drunken lyrics of a certain apple horse everyone seemed to have forgotten about.

"To Apples! We've traveled the roads of generations! Joined by common bonds! We sing this song' cross the pony nation!"

She continued to sing her own song with the wrong lyrics.

Just behind her, struggling to deal with his chauffeur, Lumberman protested from his stretcher.

"Dear God, someone stop this drunken horse from singing."

Everyone lowered their drinks as Applejack continued to march her prize into the crowd.

"No, dun't nun y' all worry, now." God was she obviously drunk. "Poor feller here had a bit too much Tukilla, and I had ta strap Mr. Sleepy Head down n carry him back."

Sniff covered his mouth, trying to muffle his laughter.

"Dude? You passed out on a single bottle of Tequila?"

Lumberman sat up, literally not wanting to take this lying down.

"No. I didn't pass out from a single bottle of Tequila."

Cerb spoke lowly and bluntly.

"Okay, so... what happened? She followed you out to the trees, whooped your ass, stole your booze, and carried you back like a trophy buck?"

Applejack finally stopped, placing Lumberman in the dead center of everyone and everypony.

Lumberman looked up at Cerb, who was waiting for an answer but shamefully averted his eyes.

"Okay, so I might have passed out-"

The jeers from his friends quickly drown out any type of explanation he might have cooked up in his brain.

Cerb lent Lumberman a hand to help him to his feet, thinking he must have drank too much too fast but assumed he was fine.

"Come on, bro. We're all doing a toast, I guess."

Kelly quietly stood up, bringing Lumberman a small shot of coconut rum.

Applejack looked around, seeing everyone with a drink at the ready.

"Awe come on now. Wut's a pony godda do for a some Takilla if we're all toasting?"

"Hey! No tequila for that horse!" Lumberman shouted. "Rum! Whiskey! Give her a PBR. Anything that won't make her sing Apples Forever!"

Kelly came to the rescue with a shot of Amaretto.

Applejack moved to tip her hat.

"Why, thank ya, ma'am."

She fell over, tipping her hat.

Kelly helped her up, removing the straps from the stretcher and fixing her hat. After the shot glass was properly fitted in her hoof... arm... how the fuck to ponies hold shit like this?

"After this, you're cut off, Cutie," she said with a wink.

Not wanting to let this opportunity to make amends pass, Cerb stepped forward.

"Before we do this toast," He bowed his head. "I just want to apologize to everypony for my outburst. I have anger issues, I know this. I'm still working on it. But I don't want anyone, or pony, thinking I'm holding a grudge... just... putting that out there."

His words felt like they went over about as well as a lead balloon. Thankfully, every head seemed to nod in acceptance.

Applejack turned to Cerb, careful not to spill her drink.

"I had a good chat with yer Lumber friend before he passed out. I just wanted to also say to you also that em sorry... Are we good?"

Cerb looked down. Somehow all that anger from what must have been less than an hour ago was gone.

"Yeah. We're good, Apples."

Applejack cheered with minimal slurring of her words.

"To Takilla! That drink that brings us all togather, now!"

Lumberman raised his tiny glass.

"To the most bipolar group of drunks and goofy fucks to ever land in pony land," he spoke with no enthusiasm.

Twilight cheered again, coming full circle.

"A toast to the first humans of Equestria!"

And toast they did.