Author's Notes:

I know, it's unusual to have the Notes at the top, unlike the other chapters! Just thought I'd throw in a timeline that I'll be working with, courtesy of Starshine Sprinkles, over at MLP Forums! The timeline is in the link.

Now, I'd also like to mention that the timeline will have a few differences from the previous chapters, such as the "Deadlines". This is a recent idea that came up before I started writing this, so after we're finished with the "Boast Busters" Arc, we'll probably start going by said timeline, instead of the course of a month, which according to the timeline, shouldn't have even passed just yet! At least, until the concept of "Deadlines" is no longer a thing (AKA: when "Lesson Zero" is out of the picture timeline-wise.) Until then, we'll just say every episode wasn't all the lessons Twilight learned during the course of her stay in Ponyville...

Of course, I won't have ONE Chapter Per Episode. I feel like having that kind of burden would make me unable to release chapters as quickly, so I'll keep on splitting the chapters into "Fractions" of the episodes, to allow more frequent updates. There'll also be multiple chapters counting towards "One Day", a bunch of chapters based BETWEEN episodes, and other things like that...

... anyways, boring part over, now! Let's get back to the story!

---

Another day in Paradise, it seems... after a nice, warm meal consisting of Mac 'n Cheese, I found my way back downstairs, and into my bedroom.

Well... the Basement, but same thing. They agreed that, once they can afford it, they'll bring me a bed that I can use. I thanked them, of course, but said that wouldn't be necessary.

If I learned anything that night, it's that no matter what species they are, a man must never tell a woman "No"... I swear, it's almost like they've all just got this universal understanding that they are the ones calling the shots, and the man's only choice is "HOW they can say 'yes'."

I'm overthinking this...

Anyways, I've made a makeshift bed out of pillows, old cushions, and blankets, but never actually gave my room a very thorough inspection, as of yet. In my defense, however, I've been constantly studying their language, and as of last night, their culture, after Lyra lent me a book I can read about, as the title reads, The Cultural Norms of Pony Etiquette and Socializing...

And yes, the book is as boring as it sounds... but hey, Knowledge!

I managed to get through the first three chapters, out of seven, before calling it a night.

And this brings us to today.

I wake up with a yawn and a stretch, then pick myself up out of bed. With a little rub of the eyes, and a smack of the lips, I stand from my bed, and slip on my tunic.

With a quick check-up in the mirror, I begin to make my way up the stairs. As I put a hand on the knob, however, I start to notice something off... for one thing, there's a sizzling sound coming from the other side.

I quickly open the door, and blink surprised at the sight before me. The Kitchen is coated in ash, and the Living Room is a mess, with opened boxes here and there, a few comic books lying around, and a blanket splayed out on the couch.

I look towards the Kitchen, and immediately spot Lyra floating a pan over the stove, humming a merry tune, seemingly oblivious of the state the house is in!

Then, the smell hits me.

Blinking in shock, I approach the Kitchen, and realize that... she's cooking meat!

"Oh! Good morning, sleepyhead!" Lyra says, giving me a wink.

I respond with a nod, but my eyes focus confusedly at the steak on the stove. She, of course, turns towards it and shrugs her shoulders.

"What, this? It's a VERY nutritious Tofu, with a few enhancements and ingredients imported from some of the rarest corners of Equestria! ...Figured you'd need it, before we get started!" she clarifies.

"Oh, got it." I reply, before my brain starts to click the pieces together. "... Wait, started for what?"

She giggles, before turning towards me, and... staring into my eyes with a very very forward-looking gaze.

"For the ride of our lives, of course!"

I take a single step back. "Uh... look, don't get me wrong, but... aren't we kinda-sorta skipping a BUNCH of steps here?! Like, for example, asking if I'm even interested in that kind of thing?!"

Her gaze doesn't shift, however. Instead, she turns the stove off and begins to walk towards me... very slowly.

"Alright, then... would you be interested if I did this, instead?!" Before I even get a chance to react, she turns her back towards me, lifts her tail up (exposing MORE than I'd care to admit), then encases the room in a green light.

When it clears up, I open my nearly blinded eyes, only to gawk at her... new human shape! Her skin, eyes, and hair are still the same color, but her shape is... definitely disturbing me down South. The fact that she is still standing on all-fours, with her rump turned towards me doesn't help, either!

Or the wink she gives me after turning her head, and wiggling her hips.

DON'T DO IT, IT'S A TRAP! my brain shouts.

"Now hold on! I do have to admit, she isn't that bad to look at... and hell, it's not rape if she's OFFERING herself!"

IT'S NOT THAT! SHE'S PROBABLY TESTING TO SEE HOW FAR YOU'D GO! PERHAPS SHE'S TESTING YOUR FAITHFULNESS!

"But... b-but..."

WHAT ABOUT JANET?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR UNBORN CHILD?!

"... Holy shit, what ABOUT them?! Wait a second... I NEVER TOLD THEM WHERE I WENT! HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN HERE, AGAIN?!"

Does my wife, Janet, even know that I'm still ALIVE, now?! Do my parents? My brothers? My sisters?!

I've been too distracted from the oddities of being brought into this world, that I've completely lost track of my own! I had a good job, a loving family, everything I could ever need or even want... so why is it now starting to occur to me that THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN KNOW I'M STILL ALIVE?!

Could the Magic in this world be affecting my thoughts? ... My MEMORIES?! Do these little alien ponies really need me, or am I some sort of experiment that they're studying or using for some sort of secret agency?!

A sudden wave of panic fills my head, and before I know it, the entire scene turns dark. Lyra no longer stands there, the world no longer exists... and at once, I'm filled with a bunch of questions, each of which resulting in the biggest question of all:

"Do they even plan on sending me back?!"

Before I can ask any more questions, I feel a sudden surge of anxiety, fear, and pressure... almost like someone is watching me in my sleep...

"Ẁ̸̨A̧͢͜K̵̕͡E̡̕͠҉̕ ̴́Ù̕͞͡P̕͘!̵̷͞" it would say, in a distorted voice, almost sounding like... Lyra? She almost sounds distressed... but after seeing those images of her... should I even answer her call?! I'm tempted to just remain silent, and see what she does...

"P̧̨͢L̸̨̕͏E͏̧͘͘A̷̛͡S̴̨͟͡͞E̡͘͞,͏̸̡ ̛͠͞W̶̛҉͏A̢̧̧̧͜Ḱ̵̨̡E ̴͢͞Ú̶̧͜͝P̵̕͞!̨͘" she shouts again, this time a bit more louder.

I close my eyes, rubbing my forehead in thought. What is she-

"SERIOUSLY! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP! LIKE, RIGHT NOW!" Lyra's voice shouts into my ear, causing me to jump, while the darkness surrounding me soon shifts into the Waking World!

Suddenly, a sharp pain fills my forehead, and at once, I feel heavily disoriented with a dizzy spell... and a few stars that may or may not be circling my head.

Gripping my forehead in pain, I open my eyes and spot... well... for one thing, A BIG, FREAKIN' MESS IN MY ROOM THAT I KNOW WASN'T THERE BEFORE!

Somehow, my door fell down the stairs, one of its knobs got melted, and there's an unconscious green unicorn laying at the foot of my bed, with a busted lip and a bloody nose...

... oh, shit!

"Lyra! ...You ... okay?!" I try to pronounce to them in Equish... but regardless whether she understood me or not, she's definitely out cold... so I suppose 'NOT' would be the answer to my concerns.

I hear a loud roar coming from upstairs and gasp in horror, before kicking the blanket off of me, and hurrying towards my tunic. When I slip it on, I rush over to Lyra. Scooping her up, I make my way over to my bed, lift the pillows up, and hide underneath them while cradling her protectively.

Whatever my thoughts were in my dream, they've been pushed WAY back! This pony is probably afraid, and now I'm all that stands between her source of fear, and herself! But while I'm no fighter, that doesn't mean I ain't good at Hide 'n Seek! And as a master of said game, I shall teach this pony the Ancient Human Techniques of "Nope" and "Fuck-That-Shit".

Why, one might ask? Well, the answer's quite simple, really...

... BECAUSE FUCK WHATEVER THE HELL THAT SHIT WAS, THAT'S WHY!

I swear, it's like this town's a magnet for all kinds of crazy shit! Like, seriously! What the hell is even HAPPENING out there?!

Oh, of all the arrogant... why did they even let THIS pony be a Magician?!

I'm standing here, in the daylight, watching the town's local heroes be tossed left and right off the stage, as this cheeky mare that calls herself "Trixie" - oh, excuse me, "The GREAT AND POWERFUL Trixie" I meant, keeps on ranting over and over about how "Awesome" she is, and all that garbage...

What's that? Unicorn that can do Magic? Ooh, how exciting! No possibilities that I CAN DO THE SAME DAMN THING, is there?!

I roll my eyes and trot away, while Bonnie follows shortly behind me. "Well, that was a bust." I tell her, sighing.

She gently taps my shoulder and smiles. "Hey, at least you didn't take her up on her challenges!"

I deadpan at her. "Well, yeah! Because for one thing, she scared Twilight Freakin' SPARKLE away!"

Her smile turns into a deadpan. "Pretty sure she was just nervous with the whole 'Unicorn Showing Off' thing, and that she's now gonna be shunned by her friends because of her skills in magic."

This, however, doesn't sit well for me. "Pfft, as if! She's literally the ELEMENT of Magic! I bet she could beat that Trixie Character with an Inhibitor Ring wrapped around her horn, while intoxicated with a ton of Salted Cider! In fact, how about I just go march up to her Tree House, and ask her to deal with this already?!"

Bonnie rolls her eyes and places a hoof over my chest. "Well, for one thing, we've got a friend at our house that might need your help today."

"What about you, though? You haven't spent as much time with 'em as I have!" I point out.

She shifts her gaze around nervously, before leaning closer. "Sorry... I wish I could, but I've got some big plans I have today... need to head out of town pretty soon, actually."

I gasp at her before glaring and throwing my hooves in the air. "Ugh, SERIOUSLY?! Why can't we just hang out for more than just an hour a day, huh?!"

She places a hoof over my snout, and smiles at me... meekly, and...

OH, COME ON! I'M TRYING TO BE MAD AT YOU FOR ONCE, BONNIE, SO STOP ACTING ALL CUTE AND... AND THIS IS GETTING OFF TRACK!

"We can, Lyra... I just need to take care of a few more things. Don't forget, I still have to finalize some of that paperwork to verify that you're living with me now! And besides, I was thinking of getting our secret friend something nice!" she tells me, whispering the last bit involving the Human.

And now, I don't even know why I'm angry anymore. I smile and place a hoof on hers, before nodding my head. "Alright, Bonnie... but when do you think you'll be back, though?"

She replies, "I'll probably be back sometime tomorrow morning, perhaps 2, so you should be asleep once I return."

I sigh, then nod my head. My frown returns, and I feel my ears fold back in disappointment. "Oh... okay."

Her expression shifts to a concerned one. "Is... something wrong?"

I look away from her, and focus my eyes on the ground. "Well... I was kinda hoping I'd be able to greet you when you get back, and maybe get to hang out a little more, but..."

She lets out a sigh, before placing a hoof on my shoulder. "Okay, fine, I'll tell you what! I'll... I'll try to work fast, and if all's well, I'll see if I can make it back home by midnight. If I do, then we can... probably tell stories about how our day went for about an hour. Deal?"

And once more, my smile returns. Giving her hoof a tight squeeze, I nod my head. "Deal."

She squeals in delight, before pulling from my grasp, and looking at her watch. With a gasp, she begins to prance in place. "Oh, crud! I'M GONNA BE LATE!"

And with that, she sprints off towards the Train Station. I scratch the back of my neck confusedly, before shrugging and beginning my way towards the house.

Seriously, what's the deal with that mare? Sometimes, she acts a lot more crazier than me... and THAT SAYS A LOT!

As I make my way into the train, I look around briefly, before the Conductor clears his throat.

"Ticket, please?" he asks.

I deadpan at him before clearing my throat. "My ticket was already given to you. It's the one with a smile on it."

He takes the hint, and nods his head. "Ah, right... Cart 6, Row 3, please."

With an appreciative nod, I step into the third cart, and take a seat at the sixth row... a little inside trick, to keep ordinary observers away. This particular cart has divided rooms inside it that act as rows, so it's fairly easy to distinguish privacy.

I close the door to my room before setting my saddlebag next to me, and grabbing a notebook from within.

Opening the notebook, I'm met with a series of notes I've taken from before. I flip through the pages, until I reach a blank one.

I then draw a pencil from my bag and start to write a note on it.

"<This is Agent Sweetie Drops. We might have a pretty big situation on our hooves.>"

I sigh while going through the Market. Sure, Bonnie said that she'd cook for the Human, but it almost seems like she's all but forgotten that... meaning it would be up to me to cook for 'em!

...

Not that I'm bothered by that, or anything! Sure, I may not be the best cook in Equestria... and might even be so much of a disaster in the kitchen that it's practically a miracle, of sorts... a Miraculous Disaster!

But for my Human Friend, I'd do anything! Anything!

... Even pay the bills that may or may not result, in order to get Bonnie's kitchen replaced...

I look at the Tofu on the market's shelves with determination in my eyes, then gaze upon the slightly pink-colored slab in my hoof. Before tossing it into the Shopping Cart, I take mental notes on which one I'm getting, due to there being Ordinary and Enhanced. The enhanced ones are, of course, coated with a pink herbal substance ground into a dust, and mixed into spring water. According to my research, it's actually a very, very important ingredient in most imitation meats that provide those who consume it with a variable supply of proteins, nutrients, and all that good stuff, while also providing a pretty nice flavor and texture that even ponies can enjoy!

I've heard that pegasi have to eat it as well, in order to build muscle in their wings and stuff... though there's also a bit more to it that I didn't really read that far into... such as how hay isn't really part of the Human's diet... a lesson I learned back at Day 1.

Long story short, if I can feed Mr. Human with enough of these, then he should be good as far as health is concerned! And that's good enough for me!

After checking the last of the groceries out, I pay the cashier and carry it home. It doesn't take long, since thankfully our home's not that far from the Marketplace. When I enter, I find that the Basement Door's closed.

I slowly crack the door open and find that Mr. Human's asleep. Good... maybe I can wake him up with a nice, Protein-Rich Meal? I don't think he had enough for a while, due to how much more he's been sleeping as of late...

Without missing a beat, I get to work in the Kitchen. Before long, I have a nice-looking slab of Imitation Meat on the frying pan, and a few herbs and mixed nuts ground onto the cutting boards that lay spread on the counter.

Now I just have to wait for the burner to get to the right temperature before I put the pan over it. If all goes well, I should be able to have it properly prepped in just a few minutes! That way I can-

My gaze shifts towards the Front Door. Odd... Bonnie should still be out for another six or so hours, at least! And with Mr. Human in the basement, that must mean... visitors!

I decide to leave the stove and check who it is. When I open the door, I mentally facehoof after seeing none other than the two little colts that practically worshiped that "Tricky" bitch.

"Oh... Snips and Snails?" I ask, albeit monotonously.

They smile sheepishly at me in response. "Hey, Misses Heartstrings! We were wondering if you knew where Ursa Cave was?" Snips asks me.

Snails smiles and nods his head in agreement. "Yeah! That way we know where to find the Ursa Majors!"

I deadpan at them and raise an eyebrow. "Uh... do you take me for some kinda idiot? I know better than to risk letting a pair of colts drag an Ursa Major into town!"

Snips, however, elbows Snails in the side and clears his throat. "Yeah, you raise a good point! So... uh... do you know where the Ursa Cave is so we know where not to go, then?"

I shrug my shoulders and smirk. "Well, sure! Don't go North in the Everfree, or you'll end up reaching the caves near Canterlot Mountains! The one with the signs should show you where it is."

They leap with joy before galloping away. "Awesome! Thanks, Miss Heartstrings!"

I wave back at them. "Any time!" And with that, I close the door, and return to the Kitchen.

Then I stare in shock as the burner starts to catch flame! I quickly use my Magic and block out the flame, before the sparks spread around in three different spots.

Three more small fires form, making my ears fall flat.

"Oh, crap!"

I continue to battle the flames with my Magic, and before long, I have myself involved in a pretty scary situation. The fires continue to diminish, but when I think it's finally over, the stupid sparks make another part of the Kitchen light up!

I glare at the flames before charging up my horn. "NOT TODAY, YOU TOASTY LITTLE FIEND!" And with that, I do battle against fire... because fire bad.

With a triumphant smile, I put the last flame out, using a pot of water that I got from the sink. I sigh in relief, before sitting down and rubbing some of the ash from my forehead.

"Whew! That wasn't too bad!" I say to myself, before observing the area around me.

Thankfully the fire never reached the Living Room... somehow. But then, when I look into the Kitchen, burns and ashes cover the entirety of the room!

I gulp nervously, while assessing the damages done. In the end, I've come up with one conclusion.

"St! Bonnie's gonna kill me!"

I quickly double-check to make sure the house isn't going to burn down, before rushing to the front door. Opening it up, I spot one of my "Disguise Friends" dressed as me running away in terror.

I'm about to ask what's wrong, when the ground suddenly tremors. Curious, I take a step out, only to step back in when a massive blue Ursa Minor shows up and starts wreaking havoc on our neighbors' houses!

I stare at it slack-jawed, before slowly closing the door and making a different conclusion.

"Scratch that... HOLY ST! THAT THING'S GONNA KILL ME!" I immediately hurry towards the Basement Door.

I punch it repeatedly with both of my forehooves.

"WAKE UP!" I shout, only to hear the Ursa Minor's roar from outside.

There's no response. I groan before trying to turn the handle... it's locked!

WHY DID BONNIE INSTALL A LOCK ON THE INSIDE AGAIN?! OH, RIGHT! TO KEEP HIM SAFE FROM BEING DISCOVERED! REALLY SMART IDEA, YOU LOVABLE LITTLE DUMMY!

With no other option, I turn around, rear my hind hooves, and buck at the door as hard as I can.

Then I wince in pain as my hind hooves pulsate with a tingling feel.

"GAH! FK!" I curl to the ground, and grip my injured legs with a hurt whine.

"Owwie... how do Earth Ponies make that st look so easy?!" I ask myself, before shakily rising back to my hooves.

Then a new idea springs to mind! Looking at the doorknob, I aim my horn at it and fire a simple Magic Blast towards it.

It melts the handle. I throw a triumphant hoof in the air before attempting to open it again... then realize that all I did was just melt the damn handle.

"Oh, COME ON!" I throw my hooves up in frustration, before bashing my forehead onto the door... my horn then gets stuck in the wood, forcing me to groan. I put my forehooves on the door and try to push myself out of the jam... but as I push the door back, the hinges fly off, and the door falls, with me in tow.

"SHT!!!" I call out as the door slides down the stairs.

When I reach the end of the fall, my horn slips out of the door, and I fly across the room, only to land on the bed with the Human... who, somehow managed to sleep through all of this!

"PLEASE! WAKE UP!" I try yelling back to him. Still nothing!

Could he be dead?! OH, PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD!

I shift and turn until my body's over his torso. Taking a deep breath, I press my hooves on his chest and begin shaking him back and forth.

"SERIOUSLY! YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP! LIKE, RIGHT NOW!" I shout in his ears.

Immediately his eyes shoot open and he quickly jerks his head up... directly towards my snout!

OH, FU-