I woke up with my sidearm drawn, taking cover behind a hay bale blocking line of sight to the door. Panic flooded through me, heart beating hard in my ears as I strained to hear footsteps. Hiro was beside me. My eyes darted around the hangar. The sun was rising, quickly lighting the open doorway. Loft was clear. Ladder was clear.

"Hello, breakfast! Rise an shine!" The country drawl of Applejack called from below. Relief and embarrassment washed over me. I mentally berated myself for trying to defend myself from the pony who had fed us pie the previous day. I took a few deep breaths to try to take the edge off of the adrenaline and relaxed.

"Just the farm girl, Commander," Hiro whispered from my left. I holstered my gun and heard the safety on his side arm click.

"Too much time with House Liao," I muttered, remembering missions I had been on where this was an unfortunately reasonable reaction. Hiro snorted in self depreciating agreement. "One minute," I called down and the two of us slipped clothes on. I slipped my radio on before climbing down the ladder from the loft. "Rise and shine Atari, breakfast." Two groggy 'roger's were my clue that we were the first to be alerted.

"Something something strapped into a walking nuke reactor at six AM?" Hiro quipped as we stepped into the morning sun rising over the vast apple orchards. I’d told my men about some of the psychopaths I’d worked for before I hired them.

I snickered. "Up at the crack of dawn for farmers breakfast doesn't sound quite as badass, does it?"

"You pick the worst missions Commander," Hiro joked. I grimaced. That joke was going to get a lot of mileage on this mission.

“Yeah yeah.”

---

We were still here. All four of us. All four of our battlemechs. I’d slept lightly, but I didn’t really feel bad once the adrenaline wore off from waking up and panicking. The unexplained circumstances of our arrival aside, this was a seemingly solid mission prospect, and the locals were willing to work with us. Of course the locals were one meter tall talking pastel ponies. The presence of Big Mac conducting chores around the barn before breakfast only served to drive home the fact that we were, impossibly, still here in fantasy talking horse land.

Regardless, life goes on. Hiro looked at me with fear in his eyes as we walked over to the other hangar. I nodded silently and he sighed nodded back. After he’d followed me into the hell of the clan wars, he’d follow me anywhere. Neither of us really had an idea of where the fuck we were now, but that didn’t change the fact that he believed I’d get him out of this too. It was a strange iteration of our life, but it followed the pattern. SNAFU: situation normal, all fucked up.

Rolf and Dan greeted me calmly, and the four of us walked to the family house.

“I can’t help but notice that the drugs haven’t worn off yet,” Dan pointed out. I nodded.

“Not much to do but concede that it’s real,” Rolf concluded.

“That’s what I’m doing,” I said with what I hoped was an air of strong leadership and not bewilderment at the impossible. “Just treat them like humans and we’ll get through this. Dan,” I added, threatening him.

“Yeah, that’s gonna happen,” he said walking straight ahead.

---

Breakfast was amazing, though I was gathering that these creatures were, unsurprisingly, vegetarian. Not a big deal when the substitute was fresh apple juice, hash browns and pancakes with what appeared to be genuine maple syrup. Dan practically orgasmed at the table, and even Rolf was smiling. 'Guests of the Apple family' was certainly turning out to be worth the trip alone.

I spent the morning in a haze, trying to design an exercise with mounted cavalry that could demonstrate what we did. I settled on using Hiro's skills as a heavy scout to run patrol and find targets, and use the thee three machines to provide fire support until a new target was selected. What I was going to target without any kind of disposable target was another story. Teaching the Equestria royal guard to work in formation with battlemechs was another. Sinking myself into the familiar drudgery of battle planning actually helped me to take my mind off of the fact that I was delivering these plans to Princess Celestia and Ambassador Twilight Sparkle. The quicker I could treat them like dangerous royalty and not like talking horses, the better our odds of living would be.

The morning was a blur of redrawn plans, meetings with dignitaries and senior members of the royal guard. Princess Celestia handled the actual introductions, as opposed to her steward or the ambassador. I thought it one more oddity for this princess, and kept it in the back of my mind. Mostly we stood around at parade rest in our unit jackets while smiling non-threateningly. The introduction to the colonel of the Equestrian army was the most memorable.

"Colonel Tempered Steel, this is Commander Christophe Black."

"Strange creatures, I take it you aren't from around here?"

"No sir."

"The commander and his unit were summoned by a Titan cult." The princess paused just long enough for the looks of horror. "They attempted to summon titans. Fortunately for us, they summoned a mercenary unit who is willing to work for us instead."

The colonel composed himself quickly and turned back to me with the force and dignity that I expected of a colonel. "How do I know that you won't turn on us?"

I shrugged. "Pay us fairly and don't make us fire on non-combatants sir. I honor my contracts otherwise."

"And what do you consider a fair payment?"

"Well, a typical contract payment for a single mission is…” I stopped. I couldn’t exactly give them a quote in C-Bills. Hadn’t thought that one through. “Hm. I don't know what a typical salary is here."

"If I may," the princess interjected, thankfully, "how much more than a typical soldier do you charge?"

"Well, please keep in mind that this is just for reference, but we typically charge about three to four times an officer's yearly salary for a single search and destroy mission. An extended contract with patrols, defense, and combined arms will typically fetch ten to twenty times more. That of course covers the entire units expenses salaries, repairs, support crews, interplanetary travel, ammunition, and other such miscellaneous costs for a year long tour." The colonel's face was turning green. The stewards face was turning red. The princesses face remained placid and smiling. I couldn’t figure out why she was so eager to stay on my good side, when she could easily have us turned to stone. Or killed.

"You are talking about the salary for an entire platoon, sir," the colonel spat.

"And we will bring twice that much firepower and defense for that price, sir. If that is too egregious for your society, please, let's negotiate. I do not wish for my unit to be seen as a threat."

"Perhaps now would be a good time for a demonstration of your units capabilities, Commander." The princess moved between the colonel and myself, smiling at both of us in turn. I nodded.

"If I may conduct a briefing with your troops to teach them how to safely work with battlemechs? It should take about an hour to set up. The only thing I need is a set of fake targets."

---

"Soldiers, tnhut!" Twenty five of Equestria’s finest snapped to attention. The captain of the unit, Silver Spear, turned to me and nodded. "All yours Commander. Your targets will be in position in fifteen minutes."

I nodded and saluted. "Thank you sir." I turned to address the troops. "Reaper, you're up. Move out to point alpha."

"Roger Omega,” Reaper replied over the radio.

"Good morning soldiers. I am Commander Black. And this," I paused as the ground shaking footfalls of the Atlas distracted the troops, "is a Defiance Industries AS7-D Atlas assault class Battlemech. About face!" The troops turned as one and stared at the approaching steel Titan. Reaper was firing the eye-laser periodically just for show. "The pilot in command is my right hand man Dan Wilks. This exercise will give you all a crash course in safely maneuvering around a Battlemech, and will teach you its strengths and weaknesses. I and my unit will be your shield and anti siege forces if Equestria is attacked by titans. I suggest you pay attention. At ease, soldiers." The troops relaxed, but not much. "Reaper, close to point bravo and stop." The Atlas turned on its toe, tearing up the ground as it did, and veered away from the terrified ponies. As the Atlas slowed, it stepped on a ten foot sapling and snapped it. "This has been lesson number one: the Atlas weighs one hundred tons, and it will kill you if it steps on you. You fine ponies can all run faster than it, so just don't stand under it." I walked around to the new front of the formation. "Are there any questions so far?"

One brave pony cleared his throat. "Sir, Aurora Glow. What weaknesses does something that size have?"

"An excellent question, we'll start there. Reaper, please turn around." The Atlas turned to face away from the group. "I invite any Pegasuses to inspect the back of the head. Anyone else with sharp vision, notice the small door on the back." Four winged ponies took off and hovered by the head for a moment. Dan opened the access hatch, still wearing his neurohelmet, and waved. "That is pilot Dan Wilks, also known as Reaper, also known as the squishy weak fleshbag in the center. Anything happens to him, and the Atlas stops makin a mess with your enemies." That got a couple of dark chuckles, but mostly silence. Tough crowd. "You want to keep the Atlas on your side, you keep any enemy away from that hatch. Clear?"

"Yes Commander," said Aurora.

"Clear, soldiers?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. We will be relying on you all out there. You watch our backs, we'll all get out off this on one piece. Back in formation, soldiers!" The Pegasuses came back, and I waited until there was plenty of room between us and the Atlas. "Alright Reaper, floor it."

The Atlas began lumbering forward, engine whining at the strain. Soon it achieved its lumbering gait. "Weakness two, this is the top speed of an Atlas. I think most of you can walk faster than this." That got more laughter.

"We will try to be in position, but if we need to change, it will take us a while. Stay behind us, or get clear. Eyes on me. Reaper, move out to kappa, targeting range will be ready shortly."

"Roger, will inform." The atlas turned away and began walking toward the targeting field.

"Weakness three: the beating heart of a Battlemech is its engine, much like a train engine. It's large, it's under tremendous pressure. If it is incapacitated by some manner of hell beast, it will explode. Unlike a train engine, it will explode with the full fury of the sun. I swear to you that this is not an exaggeration. If the Atlas falls, you must run. Do not try to save the pilot. Do not take chances. Get clear as fast as you possibly can. There are no exceptions to this. Do I make myself. Perfectly. Clear."

"Yes sir."

"I said am I clear!" I yelled.

"Sir yes sir!" They chanted in unison. Amazing how universal that concept is.

"Alright then. Atten-tion! Forward. March." I led the unit forward toward where the colonel had been kind enough to set up a target range for us.

---

The ponies marched with me toward the field I had been told about. Hiro joined us and walked alongside us for a good kilometer. I could see some of the troops getting uncomfortable, but others started to realize just what had been recruited to their side.

"Soldiers, this is a Yori ‘Mech Works CPLT-L3 Catapult heavy class battlemech. It is smaller and weaker than the Atlas, but it is much, much faster, and has one trick up its sleeve. Company, halt. Cover your ears." I did so, and most of the ponies followed suit. "Ninja, show off."

"Roger Omega."

The tiger roared into the air on four jets of plasma, scorching the grass below. The poor ponies who hadn't protected themselves recoiled from the wall of sound, but one quick thinking unicorn threw up some kind of protective bubble that muted most of the noise. The tiger twisted in midair firing lasers and fire from every orifice, and landed with a clang and a thud that shook the ground. The tiger stood up, walked over to the troops and stopped.

"This is our heavy scout. Hiro will be the first unit on the scene. Just stay out of his landing zone. He's already barbecued one cultist who got too close, and I don't want that to happen to any of yours."

"Question Commander." A different pony.

"Sure."

"What are the beams of light?"

"Those are called lasers, and they will cut you in half. We will demonstrate in a moment. Ninja, move out to kappa."

"Roger."

"Forward. March."

We arrived at the target range where several ponies pulling carts were arriving. The teams began unloading hay bales and worn out looking farm equipment. I briefed the unit of ponies on what I wanted them to do and then handed them back to their commander. Then I briefed my unit and climbed into Midnight.

---

"Ninja, left flank. Bear, right flank." I proceeded to lay down covering fire over the troops as Reaper followed suit. We surrounded the troops as they advanced slowly, the Tiger hitting half of the hay bale 'targets' and leaving the other half for the army. The Kodiak's arm mounted small laser arrays raking across hay bale targets and leaving most of them on fire. The Equestrian Army special forces were doing a great job of ignoring the thrum of the ppc's firing and the heat from the lasers. We advanced slowly until we reached the 'enemy lines' which were sufficiently cratered at this point from my ppc fire. Captain Silver Spear signaled me to hold as the army arranged themselves for the assault. "Atari, hold up. Final push."

"Roger."

"Kay."

"Left or right?" Reaper asked. I flipped on the speaker.

"Captain, my unit will support the left flank."

"Understood Omega," Silver Spear shouted up. Two ponies approached him and saluted. They had a short exchange and he spoke to the trumpeter. The signal to charge was sounded, and the unit charged.

"Atari, give 'em hell. Charge."

The Kodiak's huge engine screamed as it hit full power and the massive assault mech charged forward. It kicked a hay bale out of the way in the process, sending it flying as it disintegrated. The Tiger roared into the air landed on another, as Midnight and the Atlas charged to the left. The two of us in back couldn't keep up with the charging ponies, but our weapons kept firing from overhead. The army moved quickly and efficiently, lancers charging and breaking off to charge the next target as the unicorns came behind them with glowing horns unleashing all manner of terrible magic on the hay.

---

We regrouped on the other side of the field, leaving a burning, smoky mess behind us. Several other ponies came in with water as the sky clouded over and began raining. I was distracted by the approach of the army captain anyway, and climbed out of my cockpit after the rest of my unit had reformed around me.

"That is one terrifying display of power, Commander Black."

"You run an efficient and well trained unit, Captain Spear. Many armies I have worked with in the past can't handle being surrounded by battlemech fire."

"Well these are my best ponies." He looked up at midnight and whistled. "What manner of magic do your weapons fire?"

"The tiniest rock possible as fast as a sunbeam."

He chuckled. "We have the goddesses of the sun and moon on our side. We have steel titans keeping us safe on the battlefield. I won't say I'm looking forward to this fight, but I am liking our chances a lot more now."

I saluted. "I look forward to working with you, sir."

The captain returned the salute. "That is a good way to put it. I look forward to working with you as well. Anything you need to add for my ponies?"

"Just pass along how impressed I am."

He smiled. "Understood. I'll pass along my recommendation to the princesses as well. I will see you in Canterlot, Commander Black."

"See you there Captain Spear."

I took a moment to admire the swath of destruction before climbing back into my mech. "Atari, good work, we have the recommendation of the army. Head back to base camp, parade formation."

"Roger Omega."

"Joining."

"Kay."

We reformed into a pretty marching line and accompanied the army back to the tents with their flowing pennants.

"Nice spur of the moment introduction there Omega," Reaper said with some sincerity.

"Thanks Reaper."

"Solid army," Big Bear growled.

"Yeah, better than FWL troops," Ninja added.

I grinned in my cockpit. "Now to overcharge them without them realizing it and hopefully the Lyrans don't penalize us too much for being late."

"Good luck Commander," Reaper said. He was rarely serious, but the subject of getting paid always sobered him up.

---

The princess sat inside the large tent with banners flying. The colonel led me inside and the steward showed me to a seat. "Would you care for any tea?" The princess asked with a perfect royalty smile. I smiled and accepted, and the steward placed a cup in front of me. I prepared my standard royalty sales pitch. "Let us get down to business. I have seen the way your unit operates, how you handle your unit, and how you work with our soldiers. Colonel, what do you think?"

The colonel pursed his lips for a moment. "I must admit, I am having trouble trusting your unit since you were summoned by the Titan cult. However, Captain Silver Spear speaks highly of your direction and demeanor. We have all seen some of what you bring to the field in terms of...ah, capability. My real concern at this point is our ability to pay you, since I assume our currency means nothing in your society." I nodded.

"My company accepts goods and contract allowances as well as money. The hospitality of the Crown is not lost on me."

The colonel seemed somewhat relieved. "We are prepared to provide transportation, food and housing for your unit. Have the barns served as safe storage for your machines?"

"Yes sir. "

"Glad to hear it. As for the rest of the compensation, we have basic metals and gemstones that you might use to barter." I tapped my glasses to life and pulled up the latest exchange rates on Outreach.

"That could work well."

The colonel nodded to the steward, who cleared his throat. "Our current supply of diamonds is low, so we would not be able to fulfill the entire contract that way, perhaps a mix of diamonds, rubies and sapphires?"

"I would also accept gold bars," I offered, half joking.

The steward raised an eyebrow. "Gold?"

"I am sorry, do you not have gold here?"

"We have gold. Does your society have a particular use for gold?"

I nodded, unsure of where this was going. "Copper, gold and platinum are used heavily in the construction of many machines in our society. They are quite valuable by weight."

The steward blinked, then looked at his notes again. "I suppose we could have the royal alchemist start working on that, but...oh no matter."

"I am sorry, the alchemist?"

"Well yes, who creates the gold in your society?"

We both stared at each other blankly for a few seconds.

"You can create gold,” I finally settled on clarifying. How was this society stuck in the steam era?

"It is not a trivial spell, Commander, but it is a fairly standard practice to transmute one object into another," the Princess spoke up. I nodded dumbly.

The steward took the opportunity to get back to business. "Approximately how much gold would you require Commander?"

Some quick work with a calculator and discussions about the science of alchemical transmutation later, it worked out that about ten million C-Bills worth of gold would cost them somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 grand. With our projected mission being a single siege defense, I couldn't justify charging them much more since they were already providing us housing and food. The colonel seemed pleased, the steward was already making plans, and the princess...

Princess Celestia sat in her travel throne wearing the most unreadable royal smile. I thanked her directly, and she thanked me for being reasonable under stressful circumstances. The Colonel told me that he looked forward to working with me. The Equestrian Royal Guard special forces, led by Silver Spear, would spend the day traveling back to Canterlot and begin debriefing the rest of the Royal Guard.

I left the tent in a haze. We were on a cakewalk of a mission, paid exorbitantly well, somehow without taking our employer to the cleaners...

And that princess kept bothering me. All of my lines worked. All of my concerns were met. I was getting everything I asked for and my opinions were valued. And I couldn't shake the feeling that I was the one being played. Every time I slipped up, she jumped in. Every time I left myself hanging she covered for me. She was more than happy to make sure we stayed here. The realization about stabbed me in the gut. She knew something was coming, and it was something she needed an assault lance to stop.

---

"Commander."

Rolf greeted me outside the tent. I had a signed contract in hand which he eyed, but I rolled it up. "Meeting," I commented nonchalantly. He nodded and turned on his toes. I turned my radio on. "Meeting, hangar."

"Roger."

"Roger."

Few words in Atari carry more weight than the word 'meeting', to the point that even Dan doesn't joke about it. I climbed into Midnight and led a loose formation back to Sweet Apple Acres. No one spoke until we all got back to the same hangar.

---

"Well?" Dan asked the moment his head crested the loft.

"Ten mil in gold."

Dan paused as he got to the top. "You're fucking kidding."

"No."

"Why the hell would they give us ten million in gold?"

"Apparently the stuff is common here, it's worth like a hundredth of what it's worth on Outreach."

"Ok, that makes more sense," Dan said as he sat down next to Hiro.

"They said they'd get the court alchemist on making the stuff."

"What."

"Alchemy, as in transmutation?" Rolf rumbled. I nodded.

"Supposedly it's not too hard." The team kinda looked at each other funny for a moment. "So I'm a bit wary of this whole thing, because it sounds too easy."

Dan shook his head, jaw hanging open for a moment. "If we're actually in fuckin fantasy land, how far does this shit go? I mean, dragons? That's pretty full fantasy right there. Whadda they need us for?"

"Tartarus," Rolf grunted.

The vague sense of dread I had solidified when he spoke. "Right, Greek hell. What's there?"

Rolf cleared his throat and spoke in smooth bass. "Tartarus is guarded at the gates by Kerberos, or Cerberus, a three headed dog. I asked. He's gotten out before.” Rolf looked around between us with extra stoic glare. “Ambassador Twilight Sparkle and friends put him away. This shit's real here."

"The fuck, man," Dan said as he leaned against the wall. Hiro gave a low whistle. I vaguely recalled the greek myth of the guardian of tartarus. My brain whirled while I tried to account for legends in our defense plans.

"Like, do lasers even hurt demon dogs?" Dan asked, talking with his hands. "Are there ghosts here too?"

I shook my head. "According to the princess, we are only here for the Titans. I’m starting to get the impression that these titans are going to be an actual threat, and she needs us for more than just military experience. She seems pretty committed to keeping us here and on good terms with the kingdom, but she’s not telling anyone much about what these titans are capable of.”

“Unless something even worse gets out of Tartarus,” Hiro pointed out.

“It would have to be multiple somethings, otherwise the Ambassador would take care of it.”

“Like the avatar of chaos," Rolf said.

I nodded, collecting myself. "Yeah, the friendship beam is pretty good at containing single targets. I guess they're most tactically concerned with keeping multiple titans busy while it's fired, and they've never used it more than once in rapid succession. They don't know how quickly it recharges, or how many times the Ambassador can do it. Also if they bring siege equipment, because lasers versus battering rams," I added with a grin.

Dan giggled manically.

"So the army knows how to deal with magic combat and demons?" Rolf asked.

"Magic yes, the royal guard will handle the magic combat. From what I gather, the Ambassador leads their special ops team, called the Elements of Harmony. They usually handle demons and the like, but we’re probably gonna be the muscle if things get overwhelming."

"The friendship beam, right," Dan laughed.

"Yeah, well, they took down the spirit of chaos who turned the world plaid. Look very plaid around here to you?" That kept Dan quiet. "I've been assured that the Ambassador is reliable when the shit hits the fan." I looked Dan in the eyes. "That's why the sun goddess assigned her to keep the aliens and their metal titans in line."

My emphasis made Dan think twice. "You think she could take us down?"

"As I was told, she once turned her parents into plants. The princess had to change them back. That was when she was a kid."

The four of us looked at the hay covered loft for a moment.

"So how do we get out of here?" Hiro asked.

I lifted my hands in supplication. "This Titan cult really has the crown worried. The Ambassador and the princesses will have the time to devote to researching a spell to put us back once the fate of the kingdom doesn't hang in the balance. Either we get paid in the meantime or we sit on our asses."

"Well I'm game," Dan said after a moment, and stood back up, "I'm assuming there's a hazard bonus."

"All the gold bars you can carry," I informed him from the contract.

"Sweet!" I could see the wheels spinning in his head.

"Not with your atlas," I clarified.

"Fuck you."

"Oh no, you have to use your human arms to do work," Hiro added quietly.

"Burn," Rolf grinned and held a hand out to Hiro, who high fived it with a grin.

I rolled my eyes. "Everyone else good?"

Rolf just nodded. Hiro nodded as well. "On you, commander."

"Alright, let's go fight an epic fantasy war for some talking horses."

"You pick the worst missions Omega," Dan said as he grabbed the ladder.