Essix Darryl Gertine Yonniccan woke to another bright, happy morning in Ponyville.

“Five more minuterzzzz....”

Yes, that’s right. He woke up. And got out of bed.

“Nooo... don’ wan...”

The shade snapped up, released by some unseen force and bathed the room in light. Most of the light was absorbed by the black painted walls, but a particularly bright beam refracted through a magnifying glass hanging from the ceiling on a string and right into the face of Essix, who immediately got up.

Except he didn’t. He waved his hoof at the sunlight (uselessly, mind you) and rolled over, right into the other sunbeam refracting through the other magnifying glass hanging from the ceiling. Clever, huh?

“Okay okay... I’m getting up.” moaned our dear protagonist, rolling his way out of bed and onto the floor, which was covered in multitudes of dirty black hoodies, magazines of questionable content, and a single black hedgehog who was supposed to be in his tank but had escaped again.

The hedgehog’s name was Dan, and not Shadow, because this is MLP and not Sonic.

Essix’s name was Essix Darryl Gertine Yonniccan, which was stated earlier but I’ll remind you from time to time just in case you forget this useless piece of information.

Essix was 18, all black, and was the only alicorn in Ponyville, other than Twilight, Starlight, and Roseluck from down the street. Anyways, Essix had this nasty looking scar going through one eye, but it was kind of hard to see because, as I said, he’s all black. Well, not all all black- his eyes were not all black, as the irises were a pleasing shade of icy blue, but those were usually hidden behind heavily tinted sunglasses.

To put it simply, Essix was edgy.

“Ugh, Chinny, send a letter to Teach to tell her I’ll be late...” groaned Essix from the pile of black blankets, black feathers, black pillows and my black edgy alicorn OC.

Up on a black dresser, a black chinchilla squeaked in affirmation and hastily scribbled out a letter to Princess Celestia, informing her that Essix would be late to his magic lesson again. The chinchilla’s name was Chinnychin Chinchilla, which was a surprise to everybody including myself when Essix chose the name. Chinny balled up the completed letter and ate it, thus sending it on its way.

Finally, Essix extracted himself from the pile on the floor and snagged a not-so-fresh hoodie from a drawer. After using his magic to tug the hoodie over his head and onto his body, he stumbled almost drunkenly to the door and managed to open it with his hoof on the third try.

Let’s give a round of applause to Essix for getting up!

“...Let’s not, and say we did.”

Essix almost fell through the doorway and into the hall, but he held himself up and made it into the bathroom.

While our edgy protagonist takes a leak, I shall tell you, dear reader (yes you), a bit more about him.

Essix was born at a very young age. When he was born, Essix wasn’t actually all black. His coat was this nice cream color and his mane was a light blue that matched his eyes. As he matured, his coat darkened a little bit and the feathers near the tips of his wings turned blue as well. This all changed after he met his father.

Essix had assumed his father was dead, much like his mother was, and was very surprised to find out that this was not the case one rainy evening when his dad came a-knocking. Essix was able to use his decent knowledge of magic to determine that the stallion before him was actually his father, and he was overjoyed.

Essix was not as overjoyed the next morning when he realized that his father was gone again and that he had taken most of Essix’s stuff with him. And then Essix dyed everything black, including his new chinchilla.

Besides family issues, Essix had other problems. While he was an alicorn, he was not a very strong one. Heck, DJ Pon3 was more magical, Pinkie Pie was twice as strong, and since Essy’s afraid of heights he never flew.

One thing Essix was, however, was intelligent. Now I don’t mean Twilight Sparkle intelligent, but maybe three-quarters Twilight intelligent. He loved his magic studies, and “secretly” had a crush on his mentor, Princess Celestia, which she was aware of and thought was “cute.”

“She thinks I’m cute?” said Essix, who was not still in the bathroom. “Today’s the day, then. I’ll make my move.”

And with that, he trotted into the kitchen, looking much less bedraggled and smelling significantly better. He also had a very bad idea in his head, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

Well, there is, but that wouldn’t be any fun, now would it?

Essix used his magic to prepare some eggs and toast. Which he ate rather messily, mind you. He really didn’t care much about his apperance, mostly because he felt Celestia dug the “natural” look.

Which she didn’t.

After cleaning up from breakfast, Essix headed for the door. The one that goes outside, I mean. He paused by the door for a second to allow Chinny to climb into a custom-made pocket on the back of his hoodie. And with that, Essix opened the door and was off to the train station.

Essix entered the train station, with his headphones on. He was listening-

Hold on a second. Essix is not here. He’s supposed to be here. At the train station. Mmmm... nope. Must’ve left him at the house.

Yes, here he is , talking with a demon. Let’s listen in.

“...seriously don’t know who the hell you are.” said Essix, trying to step around the large red blob of tentacles and eyes and tentacle eyes and eye tentacles and eye tentacles with eyes on them and so on and so forth.

The blob moved to block his way. “I come all thith way to thee you, no, to fight you, and you hath the nervth to thhhay you don’t know who I am?”

“Yes,” replied Essix, obviously annoyed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for an important meeting with the princess.”

“Oh come ON Ethhithhhks, wow your name ith a mouthfull, just a quick little fight? I’ll thend you to Printheth Thelethtia right after.” The tentacles wiggled in hope.

How the heck was it talking? It didn’t have a mouth. Somebody fix this, ‘cuz this was not how the story was supposed to go.

“How are you talking?” asked Essix, echoing my own question.

“You know...”

“I don’t, actually.” interrupted our protagonist.

The thing continued, “I don’t acthually know. I jutht kind of am, I gueth?”

Meanwhile, the denizens of Ponyville carried on with their daily lives, while making sure to give Essix and the demon plenty of space. Stuff like this was pretty common. Actually, there were a number of ponies throughout Equestria that had a theory that their whole world was just a silly cartoon, but you and I both know that (at least in this case) the whole world is extremely well-written fanfiction about a cartoon.

“So,” started the tentacle-eye demon, “Fight me or be a wuthhh?”

“Don’t call me a wuss.” replied Essix angrily. “Don’t start with me.”

A start button appeared in midair right in front of the demon, and it reached out with a tentacle to press the button.

“I’m warning you.” growled Essy-bessy.

The demon ignored him and pressed the button anyway.

Essix muttered a final word, “Fine.” before lighting his horn and sending a beam of black straight through the tentacle thing. Except the beam was not black. It was pink. It was such a shade of pink that it really did not go well with Essy’s black black on black with black black and blackity black look.

Anyways, the beam pierced the demon, who was not prepared for an attack, and as a result lost about twenty-seven percent of its mass, which did not include its weak point, which was the tentacle that did not have eyes all over it. The start button also demanifested somewhere in there, but hell if I know when.

“Aim for the no-eyed tentacle. Got it.” said Essix to no one in particular.

Before our hero could loose another blast of magic, the tentacle-eye demon lashed out with, well, a tentacle with a dozen eyes on it, and slapped Essix on the cheek, like, really hard.

Hard enough to send our hero Essy flying through the wall of his own house. The wall slowed him enough that when he hit the kitchen table, it didn’t break his back.

It did give Essix quite a headache.

Now on the ground, Essix groaned, and tried to push himself back to his hooves. Somepony else grabbed one of his legs and helped him get up.

The pony was a green earth pony stallion with a messy black mane. His cutie marks were hidden behind some saddlebags.

“Need some help, neighbor?” asked Spades Duck with a smile.

“Thanks, Spades.” replied Essix, who would smile at Spades because Spadsey was a quality dude, but smiles weren’t a part of- whup, Essix smiled anyways. It was assuredly creepy, and Spades shivered involuntarily upon seeing it.

“You can thank me later.” replied Spades before pulling his ACME Husbando Sword (Only four easy payments of $19.95! Buy yours today!) from his saddlebags.

The tentacle-eye demon schlopped itself through the hole in the wall and into Essix Darryl Gertine Yonniccan’s house. “I theeee you!” it screamed, whipping eyed-tentacles and tentacle eyes at Spades and Essix both.

Spades effortlessly blocked each strike with his sword, but the demon attacked so fast he couldn’t attack it himself.

Essix used a multi-beam magical burst spell to keep the tentacles with eyes at bay while franticly searching the tentacle-eye demon for the tentacle with no eyes.

The demon itself was growing horribly frustrated. “Why... won’t... you... DIE ALREADY YOU OVERPOWERED GARY THTU OF AN OH-THEEE!” More tentacles went after Spades, which gave Essix the chance he needed to loose a powerful pink blast that was perfectly aimed at the demon’s eyeless tentacle.

Immediately, the demon exploded into grey goop that got everywhere. Before either Spades or Essix could really react, the demon’s voice came from the ground.

“Ath I promithed, I will thend you to the printheth thinth you have done battle with me. And altho my name ith... Thenthixthtickarrrrrrr.”

“What?” asked Spades and Essix both.

“Thenthixthtickar.”

There was silence for a few moments before Essix spoke up. “Yeah, I can’t tell where the esses and the tee-ayches are in your name.”

“Thhhhhhen. Thix. Thhhhtick. Arrr.”

Spades sighed. “That didn’t help.”

“Howth about... Thhhen with an ethhhh, Thix altho with an ethhh, Thhhhtick with a theeee-aych, and Arrr.”

“Sensixthtickar?”

“Yeth, thathh correct. Now, I, Thenthixthtickar, will thend you to the cathle!”

And with a plorp, Essix disappeared, leaving Spades in the kitchen and grey goop all over the damn place. Spades left, probably to take a shower.

Essix was moderately late for his magic lesson thingamajig, but Celestia wasn’t worried. Essix was usually late to his lessons, but he always sent a letter ahead to let her know. This time was no different, and she had already received and read the letter written by Chinnychin Chinchilla the chinchilla. So, Celestia waited in the library, sipping her tea. She was unaware that Essix had just battled a demon (and gained a level, but we’ll get to that later). Thus, she was not expecting a warp tunnel to open in the floor and definitely wasn’t expecting Essix to be spat out of it.

“Hey Princess.” said Essy-bessy from his spot where he was spat.

“Good morning... Essix. I did not know you were practicing warp spells. They are much more draining than teleportation.”

“Wasn’t me. I fought a demon named Sensixthtickar and because I won, he... warped me here?”

“Well, that explains the grey goop.”

“Should I... like wash it off?”

“Try using your magic. It’s always good to practice.”

Essix lit his horn and began to peel away layers of grey goopy gunk with his telekinesis. Chinny Chinchilla (the chinchilla) crawled out from the pocket on the hoodie and waved to Celestia, who smiled at him.

“So, if you haven’t been practicing warp tunnels, what have you been practicing?” asked Celestia after taking a sip of her tea.

“I’ve been practicing using multiple spells at the same time.” said Essix, flipping his hair back with a flick of his head as he continued removing grey goop from his wings. This motion flicked grey goop all over the place.

Celestia sighed, and then said “Show me.”

Essix didn’t reply with words. Instead, he cast another spell that made an illusionary fire appear on the floor in front of him, while continuing to use his telekinesis on the grey goop. While holding the illusion, he cast another spell which animated a broom so that it swept over to him and began to clean grey goop off of the floor.

“Three at once. Very good. Do you want to try four?” said Celestia, watching Essix closely for any signs of magical fatigue.

Essix cast another spell that froze a circle on the ground with ice from the water vapor in the air, and then animated some of the ice into a bass guitar, which began to play on its own. Essix began to sweat.

“You’re doing much better than yesterday. Try to hold all four for as long as you can.”

Essix held, but only barely. With one final sweep of his telekinesis, he dropped all four spells and fell into a heap on the floor, panting. The broom fell over, leaving the grey goop in a single pile. The guitar sublimated back into water vapor, and the illusionary fire disappeared.

“Princess?” panted Essix, doing the thing that I said he shouldn’t do.

“Yes, Essix? What is it?” asked Celestia worriedly. It was nothing, and Essix got up and left without a word.

Except he didn’t. Instead, he continued to do the thing he really really shouldn’t do. He asked “Do you like me?”

“Essix...” started Celestia, but she didn’t continue immediately. She sighed. “Essix, you’re a good pony. You’re just... misguided at times. And to be frank, the all-black look doesn’t suit you at all.”

“That’s... very honest of you, but not what I meant. Do you, like, like like me?”

“Like like like?”

“You know, like me in, like, that way.”

“In what way? I’m not sure I follow.”

It was at this moment that Essix remembered that he had leveled up after defeating the tentacle eye demon and he put a point into charisma, and added the skill “way with words,” which introduced extra dialogue options in certain situations. Honestly, in my opinion, he shoulda gone for arcana and gained more magic skills, ‘cuz beam attacks and telekinesis can only do so much.

“Princess Celestia, would you date me?” asked Essix, choosing the very not recommended dialogue option.

Celestia dropped her teacup, spilling tea on the rug. “Oh dear.”

“I’ll take that as a “no.””

“Essix, ny most unusual student, you are far too young. You have way too much life ahead of you. Perhaps when you’re older. A lot older. Have you heard of the age gap creepiness factor?”

“Oof.” said Essix, leaning on his black sword that he has and I jyst forgot to mention earlier. He impaled the carpet as he leaned on it.

“Essix, what did I say about Swords in the castle?”

Yeah, Essix. What did she say about swords in the castle?

Essix sighed. “No leaning on swords in the castle.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at him. “...And?”

Essix frowned, and Celestia stared at the sword that was sunk several inches into the carpeted floor.

“...No destruction of Crown property? C’mon Princess, I told you that this sword is cursed! I can’t leave it behind, even if I wanted to!”

Celestia snorted. “That doesn’t mean you had to unsheathe it, Essix.”

“This is true.” he replied, nodding twice and resheathing his cursed blade.

It was at this moment that a member of the royal guard opened the library door and looked in. She spotted Celestia, and then Essix, just as Essix and Celestia spotted her peeking in. They stared at each other for a few moments until Celestia spoke up.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked, concern rising on her face.

The guard’s eyes widened before she opened the door a bit farther and smiled sheepishly. “Nothing out of the ordinary, my Princess. I was just... ah... seeing what was going on in here. That was all.” The guard stared at Essix for a few seconds before ducking back out and quietly shutting the door.

“Who was that?” asked Essix, who was leaning on his sword again, creating another cut in the carpet.

“Your sword.”

“Ah.” Essix resheathed his sword again. “Sorry.”

“Mmmm. That was... Sunrise Shields. If I am to be correct, and that usually is the case,” Celestia paused to chuckle, “She guards the Royal Archives, which are right across from the library. She seemed oddly excited.” Celestia decided not to mention the thing, because Essix’s ego was already huge.

“What thing?” Essix asked to the air.

“Hmm?” Celestia frowned at Essix, not understanding.

“Sorry. Not talking to you. What thing?” Essix asked again, but received no answer.

“Essix? I think we should cut today’s lesson short.”

“Huh? Why?”

“You seem to be a bit... out of it today. We’ll still meet on Thursday, like usual. Maybe get some rest-“

Essix stood up and interrupted Celestia. “I’m gonna go to the roof to sit for a while. I’ll... see you on Thursday.”

As he headed for the door, Celestia stood, but didn’t say anything until right before he left. “Please try not to be-“ The door closed with a click. “-late.”

She looked down at her spilled teacup and the fresh stain on the carpet. “Yes, I think it’s for the best that he doesn’t know about the fan club.

Essix Darryl Gertine Yonniccan stood on the roof, the wind blowing his black dyed mane and tail majestically in the strong winds that blew across the roofs of Canterlot. His currently closed eyes were hidden behind his mirrored sunglasses.

For a minute, he just stood and listened to the wind howl.

Taking off his sunglasses and opening his eyes to the world, Essix looked to the sky and said “We need to talk.”

I listened to Bring Me To Life on a loop while writing this.