Hearing Rainbow Dash’s screams in frustration, the other ponies awoke with a start. And just because the universe seemed to hate Dusk, Rarity was the first to see him lying on the ground in an embrace with another mare.

“Rainbow Dash!” the marshmallow exclaimed. “What are you doing? Get your filthy hooves off my prince this instant!”

Rainbow Dash, still in shock, didn’t get up. She was too exhausted to move, probably from riding Dusk all night long. Rarity, seeing that Dash wouldn’t comply, began to march over to the couple. She was stopped by tripping over her coat, which had grown into overly greasy dreadlocks along with her mane.

“What did that Zecora do to my hair?” she screeched. “I’m hideous!”

“Forget yer lousy hair!” a tiny voice piped up. “How am Ah supposed ta buck apples if Ah’m smaller than one?” Among the muddy grass, a travel-sized Applejack looked up in irritation. “An’ Rainbow Dash, jus’ what in tarnation were ya doin’ with Dusk last night?”

Dash got the strength to sit upright and swell with pride. “Just what did I do? I claimed what’s mine, that’s what! That purple dork sitting next to me is my brand-new sex machine!”

Rarity narrowed her eyes, and Dusk could’ve sworn he saw hellfire brewing in them for half a second. “Since you’re my friend, Darling,” she growled through her teeth, her tone tinted with stone-cold malice, “I’ll give you two options: One, you can take back what just slipped out right there, and I’ll let this go without so much as a grudge.” She took a single step closer. “Two, you can start running now, and I shall give you the ladylike courtesy of a ten second head start.” She took another step, glaring at her prey like a lioness. “When I catch you, (and believe me, no matter where you run, I WILL FIND YOU.) I promise to make your death swift and painless. How’s that?”

Rainbow Dash, never the one to be intimidated, only laughed casually at Rarity. “How about this: You back off so you don’t ruin your hooficure. Besides, I can’t run…” The speedster tried to stand up to demonstrate, only to fall down a moment later. “…Thanks to your ‘prince,’ I can’t even walk straight.” She smirked, teasing Rarity with this fact with great pleasure.

Rarity was about to make Tartarus on earth, but the tense moment was interrupted by Pinkie Pie popping up between them. “Impssthhthth! Th’ Auththr Pinkth Prmthhh!” Her tongue was swollen up, impairing her speech immensely. Rarity did a double take.

“What was that, Darling?” she said, a little distracted from her burning rage by Pinkie’s absurdity. “Make it quick, you’re ruining the mood a bit.”

“Th’ Auththr Pinkth Prmthhh!” Pinkie repeated.

“Arthur Pink Proms?” said Dusk, trying to interpret.

”Th’ Auththr Pinkth Prmthhh!” Pinkie pulled up a sign from nowhere, and underlined the last part it said.

…But when five certain mares each develop a massive crush on Dusk, he’ll have more

on his plate than Twilight ever did. (No clop scenes, I Pinkie Promise)

She tapped the underlined section repeatedly, trying to make her companions understand.

“Ya think somepony broke a Pinkie Promise by makin’ Dusk an’ Rainbow bump ugies?” questioned “Appleteeny.” Pinkie nodded triumphantly.

Dusk cut in. “Excuse me if this a stupid question, but what’s a Pinkie Promise?”

“A Pinkie Promise is…” began Fluttershy, but stopped. “My voice! What’s happened to my voice?” If a tuba could have its tonsils removed, it could have a fifty-fifty chance of being as deep as the new voice of “Flutterguy.”

While the others were panicking in their changes, Pinkamena sulked. [What are you getting so worked up about?] she said to her more cheerful half. [It’s obvious they didn’t do it.]

What do you mean? said Pinkie. Of course they did it, even if it was off-screen! Even a Pinkie Promise broken behind my back is still a broken Pinkie Promise.

[That’s not what I mean,] Pinkamena sighed. [There’s too little for the reader to guess. When you write a clop scene, the most important thing to remember is to be descriptive. If you leave too much idioms, endures, or blatant lack of detail, you’re leading your reader on, and the whole thing ends up as a fake-out. Chances are that Dusk didn’t lay a hoof on Ms. Cooler-Than-Cool here.]

You really think so? said Pinkie Pie, her heart filling with hope once more. My little Dusky-wusky’s still a virgin?

[We’ll see,] said Pinkamena, smiling warmly. [As long as we don’t have any proof that Dusk and Rainbow Dash didn’t do anything TOO dirty, we’re in the clear. For all we know, Dusk could have passed out early, and she just humped his back leg for and hour.]

“What’s that ghastly smell?” asked Fancy Pants. His curse was that he had lost his horn for a third eye on his forehead, which he decided to place his spare monocle for enhanced vision. It looked a little cool, to tell the truth.

“Me,” confessed Dash. “Last night’s pretty fuzzy, but I’m dead certain Dusk made a number two in my cooch. Trust me, I can still feel it in here. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

Welp, that’s enough proof for me. Slit the author’s throat in his sleep? thought Pinkie grimly.

[Yep.]

“Well my beloved Fleur,” Fancy Pants said as Rarity and Rainbow Dash stared each other down, “I do believe that Zecora has cursed us all, thus proving that’s she’s evil. Your thoughts?”

“I’m not Fleur” said the gorgeous mare aside Fancy. “It’s Roid Rage.”

“Oh, that explains those enormous wings and your lack of horn. Where’s the real Fleur?”

“Right here,” said a filly with an uncanny resemblance to Twist, a blank-flank filly who went to Cheerilee’s elementary school. She even had the thick glasses, a red mane, and the braces to match. “Don’t worry about me, thith remindth me of what I looked like in my foalhood, tho it’th not a big deal.”

“WHAT’S THAT?!!!” said Vinyl Scratch. Her ears were swollen and puffy, sporting the same blue spots Dusk and Pinkie had on their respective horn and tongue. “WHY ARE ALL OF YOU TALKING SO QUIET?!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!! IS THIS YOUR FAULT, DERPY?”

“Apologies, my ally who is passionate about sound waves that are coordinated with rhythm and pitch,” said Derpy without even concentrating, “but I lack the knowledge of what sent our plans awry.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Derpy like the cross-eyed pegasus had just sprouted a second head. “Derpy, do you even know what half of those words even mean?”

Derpy fell silent for a few minutes. “…No.”

Meantime, Blossomforth was going through a slightly different change in her vocabulary. “Buck these horseapples, how am I supposed to explain to my clopping son that his stupid-flank dad is a bucking MARE now?” She tried to cover her mouth as soon as she realized what she was saying. “Luna send me to Tartarus! What’s happened to my bucking speech? I’m a manure-shoveling mother! Mothers aren’t supposed to swear like Discord’s butthole! What am I gonna bucking do when Featherweight clopping hears me talk like this? Celestia rape my fat plot with her horn if he does!”

All the while, Trixie was laughing her plot off. “HA!” she teased. “You’ve all been pranked! This is hilarious! Good thing I haven’t been cursed, for no spell can truly hinder the Great and Powerful Tr…” She stopped abruptly, trying to finish her sentence.

“Trrr…”

She tried again. “TrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRAUGH! I can’t say my name! I CAN’T SAY MY NAME!!!” She galloped over and shook Dusk violently, having a panic attack. “You! Say my name for me!”

Dusk attempted to comply. “Trrr… Trrrrrrr…” No matter how he tried, he couldn’t say Trixie’s name. He knew it, it just refused to come out right. After a discussion that concluded that our heroes had to call Trixie SOMETHING, they resolved to try to say her name until something similar popped out. After rejected words like “Trikie,” “Mr. T,” and “Trololol,” it was Flutterguy who came up with a reasonable solution that sounded like an actual pony name.

“Twilight Sparkle.”

Trixie was in a crying fit at this point, wailing like a foal with a tantrum. “I can’t go around being the Great and Powerful Twilight Sparkle! I’ll be the laughingstock of the whole town!”

“Aw, come on, Twilight,” Dusk Shine encouraged. “The name’s not so bad.”

“Yes it is!” Trixie sobbed. “It’s the stupidest name EVER!! Have you ever seen those movies? There’s no way I’m allowing myself to be associated with something as awful and pathetic as that!”

Featherweight let in a deep breath. “Well, this is it.” The Cutie Mark Crusaders had a good night’s sleep, and a breakfast of waffles, made from tree moss. (Slendermare wasn't too keen on what a growing foal’s diet consisted of, to say the least.) With a help from a map of the Everfree Forest that Slendermane generously provided, the blank-flanks had finally made it to Zecora’s hut. They were standing roughly ten yards away, and there were signs of life from inside, such as smells of something cooking and the zebra’s voice chanting ominously.

“Do all of you still want to go in?” asked Pipsqueak, gulping in anticipation.

“Yeah!” said an enthusiastic Sweetie Belle. “We didn’t come all this way for nothing, did we?” Despite her gung-ho, there was a bit of nervousness detectable in her voice, which cracked slightly. This was understandable throughout the group. Now that they had came this close to actually meeting Zecroa, the pressure was getting to them. It wasn’t enough to break anypony among them of their courage, however. They all still had earning their cutie marks at the highest priority, and personal safety was still a tad lower on the list. Never the less, they had an unspoken agreement to tiptoe cautiously up to Zecora’s door.

The hinges squeaked a hay lot louder than any of them preferred, and to make matters worse, this got Zecora’s attention. She was brewing some kind of soup, but stopped to look at the foals. Her expression was that of sheer terror.

“Stop right there, or meet your doom!” she bellowed, frozen in place. “For death is lurking in this very room!” Her eyes were locked on Featherweight, making him extremely uncomfortable.

Applebloom misinterpreted this as needless paranoida, and stepped forward, offering a hoof in friendship.

“No need ta make yerself look scary in front of us, Zecora,” she said sweetly and neighborly. “We’re here ta make ya more welcome ta Ponyville, an’ ta make sure that yer not seen as some some evil enchantress. More importantly, we’ll get our cutie marks!”

“Thank you for the courtesy,” said Zecora, still not letting her guard down. “But that is not what worries me…”

“Then wut is?” inquired Dinky. “Is it sometwing about Featherweight? I noticed you’re eyeing him awfully clwose.”

“There!” Zecora panicked., pointing at something on the male pegasus’ back. “Crawling from the shadows from which it hid, a deadly poisonous arachnid!”

Due to him sleeping through most of biology, Featherweight didn’t know what in Equestria an “arachnid” was, but he definitely understood what “deadly poisonous” implied. So, he stood perfectly still, following Zecora’s advice. Unfortunately, this could not be said for everypony.

“AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” Scootaloo screamed, terrorized by the tiny bug on Featherweight’s back. “SPIDER! SPIDER! DON’T LET IT GET NEAR ME! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!” She spontaneously grew three massive black tentacles, which she used to grab random object on the wall, a tribal mask the size of a surfboard. She immediately used it to mercilessly beat the poor spider to death, giving Featherweight several bruises that his mother would endlessly fuss about later.

“Scootaloo!” scolded Pipsqueak. “You were supposed to keep still!”

“You tell me that when one those death machines in creeping next to you!” barked Scootaloo in defense. “Those things are bucked up!”

“Let me get this straight,” Sweetie Belle said, absorbing the situation in, “You’re one of the bravest fillies I’ve ever met, the daughter of one of the most powerful and feared creatures in the Everfree Forest, not to mention you’re basically immortal, but you’re scared of spiders?”

“Hey!” protested Scootaloo. “I’m not afraid of anything, especially spiders!”

“Good, because there’s one on your back, three times the size of the one that was just on Featherweight.”

Scootaloo let out a cowardly scream, her phobia flaring up again. She scurried up the walls, clinging onto one of Zecora’s decorations that were hanging from the ceiling. After a full sixty seconds of shivering like a phoenix in blizzard, it dawned on her that Sweetie Belle had been lying to her. This conclusion was firmly backed up by everypony laughing at Scoots.

“Very funny,” she grumbled as she dropped down.

“Chicken,” Applebloom snickered.

Now that the thing on his back was dead, Featherweight had a chance to examine the creature up close. It had eight legs, crushed by Scootaloo’s panic attack. The spider was glowing an unnatural color, despite being smashed to a pulp. To his horror, he noticed a puffy red bite mark on his skin, and it was swelling at a clearly visible rate.

“Zecora,” he said with fear for his safety, “Am I going to be… okay?”

“Do not worry,” said the zebra with a sigh of relief. “You’re apparently immune, or else the poison would kill you in quite a hurry.”

“I’m immune to bites from a spider that I don’t even know the name of?” said Featherweight, disbelief in his own luck rushing in in his mind. “Sweeeeet.”

“There is more to this spider than meets the eye, young colt,” Zecroa said mysteriously. “There is a tale behind it that will give you quite a jolt.”

“Yay,” said Dinky. “Stowry time!”

The zebra began her story. “In the country of Zebrakistan, where there is little more than desert land, there is a group of monks quite odd, whom worship a little-known god. On the faith of which they claim, Anansi is his name.”

“What’s this have ta do with Feathers being immune ta a spider bite?” asked Applebloom.

“Patience small foal, I shall get to that part when it is told. Anansi is all the world’s spiders’ patron, but there is more, so I will go on. Every few hundred years he selects an acolyte, in order to enforce justice and make wrongs right. The wright of passage is full of peril, but it no doubt reveals Anansi’s herald. You must allow yourself to be bitten, solely because it has been written. The bite comes from a Daddy Glowinglegs. (Don’t laugh at the name, I must beg!) The bite itself is called Anansi’s Blessing, but it is not something with you wished to messing. If don’t survive to take your next breath, Anansi has not chosen you and your punishment is death. If you have the immunity to tell the tale, from heaven above you must’ve hailed.”

“So…” deduced Pipsqueak, “Feathers is now some sorta chosen one or something?”

“Indeed,” nodded Zecora, “and because of this you must take heed. Because the test requires great will, you shall receive powerful skills.”

“Like what?”

“On the ceilings you will crawl, as well as on the walls.”

“Pffft,” scoffed Featherweight. “I’ve been doing that since I could walk.” His chest swelled with pride.

“Oh, sorry, I was being ridiculous,” Zecora blushed before regaining her composure, “But here’s an ability not owned by a single pegasus: From your plot you shall excrete spider string, which upon which you can safely swing.”

“One, that’s kinda gross,” said Featherweight. “Two, I’m a pretty strong flyer, so I don’t think I need to swing like a monkey from buildings or something. Three, wouldn’t it get tangled up in the trees?”

“Okay then,” said Zecora, now a little motivated to impress the young colt. “Perhaps you will be dazzled by this gem: You can sense danger before it approaches, such as gangsters, supervillains, and cockroaches.”

“See anything hazardous to my health from a mile away?” retorted the winged snarker, raising an eyebrow. “My mom already does that for me.”

Zecora cussed in Zebrakistanian under her breath before speaking. “I suppose then you won’t be awed by this THIS little power: From steel, concrete, to lead; all to you will weigh as much a flower.”

“My dad already has super strength,” Featherweight explained. “And he always says that I’ll grow up to be just like him!” He flexed his forelegs, which looked like a pair of spaghetti noodles. “In fact, I think all those family gym sessions have already done their justice, am I right?” The rest of the Crusaders tried to suppress their giggles with teetering failure.

“Wait, did you say your father was exceptionally tough?” the zebra said with astonishment. “With muscles that are equally buff?”

“Pretty much.”

“By the Great Gallabazoo!” she exclaimed. “All your parents are looking for you!”

“Really?” said Sweetie Belle, sharing the immediate relief among her fellow blank-flanks that their folks cared about them, but this feeling has hashly followed by the bitter aftertaste of how angry they must be at them for sneaking off and following a stranger. “H-how did you know that?”

“Before I made it here, I made a confrontation. It was bunch of ponies trying to be your salvation. There were nine mares and three blokes, and they were walking in a bush of Poison Joke.”

“What’s Poison Joke?” asked Applebloom.

“Poison Joke is a thing created in Discord’s plights, much like the Smooze, zap apples, and parasprites. It is a dangerous plant, so mess with it you shan’t.”

“Mum and Dad touched something like that??” Pipsqueak said, a worried look cast over his face. “I bet they brought along my big sister, too! Please, tell me this ‘Poison Joke’ isn’t lethal!”

“Quite the contrary,” assured Zecora. “But they’ll be here any minute, so be wary.”

“Whut does dis plant DO, then?” wondered Dinky out loud. “If it isn’t poisonous, thing why call da thing Poison Joke?”

“Wait and find out,” Zecora said slyly. “When you see your families, great laughter you will sprout.”

As if to prove Zecora’s point, a voice shouted from outside just then. “DINKY D’AWMUFFIN HOOVES! I perceive you within the rural living quarters of your ponynapper via an architectural structure that is used to provide an outdoor perspective and defenestration. Please, I have been concerned with your safety to the point of ill medical wellbeing!”

“What did all that jus’ mean?” said a baffled Applebloom.

“It means that Derpy’s outside, she saw us through a window, and she’s been worried sick about Dinky.” Sweetie Belle said.

Everpony blinked at least twice. “That is exceptionally scary,” commented Zecora. “To what do you owe to such an advanced vocabulary?”

The small white unicorn looked down in shame. “I have… a history with dictionaries.”

They went outside, seeing what the Poison Joke had done to their folks in all its glory.

“Applejack, why are ya so tiny?” said Applebloom, squinting to see her “big” sister.

“WHAT WAS THAT?” bellowed Vinyl Scratch. “WHY’S RARITY SO WHINY? I DUNNO, THAT’S HER PROBLEM!”

“I beg your pardon??” Rarity said, flabbergasted, but with Fancy Pants around within earshot, she held her tounge.

Blossomforth answered Applebloom by pointing an accusing hoof at Zecora. “Your sister is a mother-clopping super-midget because this stripped whore cursed the living buck outta us!” She immediately realized what she just let out, and stuffed her whole hoof in her mouth.

Featherweight stared at his mom like she had just transformed into a robot, grew a jet pack, and flew off into space to fight an army of evil alien invaders.

“Feathers?” Scootaloo said hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

“Sorry,” said the pegasus colt, “I seem to have stumbled into some backwards alternate dimension where my mom is actually cool.” He continued gawking, amazed at what he had just heard.

Red warning lights flashed in Blossomforth’s head. Did her son hear her swear more than a guest on Jerry Springgreen and told her that he thought it was cool? This called for a serious talk.

“Featherweight,” she said as calmly and lovingly as possible, leaning down next to her little angel, “Mommy is forehooves-bucking cursed right now. She has as much control over her clopping language as a little clit needs to be touched in dirty ways. If I see you talking in the Luna-damned manner I’m using right now, I will open up a can of whoop-flank and ground the living horseapples out of you. Understand?”

Shucks, Featherweight thought, a little depressed. I’m back in reality.

“That’s all very touching,” the Great and Powerful ‘Twilight Sparkle’ said impatiently. “But I want my name back. Release this curse you have on us Zecora, or face the wrath of the Great and Powerful… you know who I am!”

“YYYEEEAAAHHH!!!!” said Roid Rage, flexing his feminine muscles as best he could.

“Wait!” yelled Applebloom before the adults could start to charge. “This is all a big misunderstandin’!”

And so Applebloom explained a few obvious facts that somehow escaped everypony: One, Zecora was indeed not an evil enchantress. Two, Zecora didn’t ponynap any of the foals, they came on their own accord. Three, the adults weren’t cursed; they just were under the effects of a drug that was only found in the Everfree Forest.

After several apologies to Zecora and getting the rest of Ponyville to accept her (which was relatively easy once they got Rose, Daisy and Lily to stop screaming, “The horror! The horror!”), everypony headed to the spa to get a herbal bath in order to cure the Poison Joke.

Of all the ponies that were ‘cursed,’ none were as happy to be cured as Trixie. In fact, Trixie was so over joyed that she shouted her own name from the rooftops for four entire hours until Dusk was forced to encase her in a soundproof bubble.

After relaxing in the hot tub of healing…

Dusk Shine dried off his mane with a towel. He was in the showers of the spa, still trying to get Rainbow Dash’s excrement off his coat. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

“In a minute!” Dusk said. “I just need to get dressed.”

“As I recall, my little pony,” Zecora called from behind the door, “We only wear clothes on special occasions only.”

“Point taken,” said Dusk, but instinct told him to wrap a towel around his flanks and privates, just to be safe. He opened the door and the zebra walked in. “Is there something you wanted to talk about?”

“I noticed that you are quite attractive,” she remarked casually. “Not only that, but you have been sexually active.”

Dusk’s eyes widened. He stayed in Ponyville long enough to know where this conversation was headed, and it was never good. He raced for the doorway, only for it to be slammed in his face. Literally.

“I’ll say it to you only once,” he said with his face still planted in the door. “No means no, and this situation definitely calls for no.”

“I do not wish to have my way with you, Dusk Shine,” Zecora said calmly. “Besides, you’re not the type I like to call mine.”

Dusk whirled around in surprise. “I’m not?” This was a bit of a shock. He didn’t know whether to be grateful or insulted.

“I instead seek somepony older and large as a shack,” she sighed dreamily. “The one all the fillies rightfully call Big Mac.”

“You want to what-now?”

Zecora let this rest few minutes, and then burst out laughing. “Relax Dusk, I’m only fibbing,” she said wiping away a tear. “It only takes a fool to know that I was kidding.”

Dusk was thoroughly embarrassed. He felt himself blushing. As Zecora’s laughter died down, a passing question crossed his mind. “Forgive me if this is rude, but why do you always speak in rhyme?”

Zecora paused. “In my homeland I was a priestess, honored and esteemed,” she answered with a slight hint of boast. “It was customary for zebras like me to keep their minds sharp and cleaned.”

Dusk’s curiosity peaked. “So, does that mean you actually think in rhyme? You know, from all the practice?”

“Of course I don’t, you silly goose!” she said. She put on a satisfied smirk. “I only think in haikus.”

Dusk frowned, trying to decide whether or not his new friend was messing with him again. Eventually, he gave up, and went to the matter at hoof.

“Why have you come here?” he asked.

“I came to Ponyville to spread the word of my god, but until today I was treated rather odd.”

“No, I mean why have you come in here. With me. Alone. In the colt’s showers.”

“Such implications!” Zecora gasped dramatically, obviously hamming it up to either be sarcastic or to flirt a little. “Isn’t it rude in this country to throw wild accusations?”

“Get to the point.”

“Ah, I see you don’t beat around the bush. Very well, I will tell you, you don’t need to push. When I met you and your friends, I made some observations. You have several mares seeking your heart, causing great frustrations. For your troubles I believe I have a solution, one that doesn’t result in your execution.”

“What’s that?”

Zecora smiled. “In my homeland, there are exotic tribes. We practice many customs, such as stallions marrying multiple brides.”

Dusk was stuck silent. He had never heard of such a thing before, much less considered doing it himself. Would the others even agree? What would society think of them? To start, what would an average day be like for them?

Meanwhile, in the hypothetical world of Dusk Shine’s imagination…

Fluttershy hummed a happy tune as she cooked breakfast. Celeatia’s sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and her husband was sipping his morning coffee to wake him up from a late night of studying. That is, until he noticed a ferret bathing in his cup.

“GAH!” cried Dusk, sitting out some stray furs out of his mouth. “Honey, the weasel’s in the coffee again!”

“For the last time,” Fluttershy sighed, a little disappointment in her voice, “Miss Fuzzlekins isn’t a weasel, she’s a ferret. She just likes to relax in a jacuzzi every once in a while, you should know that.”

“How are we supposed to even keep track?” said Rainbow Dash, eating her daily supply of two pounds haybacon, which with a can of Atomic Bonk, qualified as a complete and balanced breakfast to her. “You moved every single animal into the library when we agreed to this, and all of them seem to have a personal preference of some kind.” She snorted and sulked, as she was not a morning pony.

“Agreed ta this?” relayed Applejack, tying her mane into her signature ponytail. “Listen here, missy: Mah granny always said that marriage is somethin’ y’all promise to each other, not ya jus’ ‘aggree ta do.’ We’re in this together, fer better or worse.”

“Yeah!” said Pinkie Pie. “It’s like a Pinkie Promise times a million!” She sat up as an idea came to her. “Ooo! This is our first big family heartwarming moment! And you know what we can do to celebrate?”

“Pinkie, don’t…” Dusk groaned. “It’s waaaay too early to throw-”

“A PARTY!!!” Pinkie finished. She armed her party cannon and fired away. The room was immediately filled with streamers and balloons. There was even a cake for a few seconds, but it was immediately devoured by Pinkie.

“What’s all the noise?” Spike said from upstairs. “You’ll wake the babies, all twenty-five of them!” There was a wailing heard as one of the foals unloaded his diaper. “Ugh,” Spike said. “It’s my turn to change them, isn’t it?”

[Can we smother the little brats now?] Pinkamena grumbled. [They’re starting to get on my nerves.]

“Oh, Duuuusk~!” Rarity sang. “It’s been a full week since you bought me jewelry! Is there something I did to upset you, my love?” She pouted in a cute manner.

Dusk let out a tired sigh. “Rarity, it’s not that I don’t want you unhappy, it’s that it’s getting a bit expensive to buy you these constant gifts, both for you and Trixie. Anyway, can’t you just find gems in the outskirts of town with your gem-finding spell?”

“Oh, but they don’t come with gold chains, Darling,” Rarity answered. “And you know you just love it when we use them to tie you to the bed for our… alone time. Besides, don’t you love me?”

“Yes, I love you but-”

“Up-up-up!” The fashionista shushed while putting hoof over her lover’s mouth. “Say it like we rehearsed.”

For the second time, he sighed. “Princess Rarity, I love you more than anything else on the face of Equestria,” he said in monotone boredom.

Fluttershy dropped a plate she was holding, shattering on the floor. Dusk had never had to recite the line in front of the others, so they never heard him say it.

“Dusk…” Fluttershy said on the brink of tears, “When you proposed, you said you loved us all equally.”

Dusk slapped his forehead when he realized what he had done. “Shy, I sorry…”

“So… d-does this mean you l-l-love Rarity more than *sniff* me?” It was too late. Fluttershy’s heart was already breaking.

“Fluttershy, I-” he was interrupted by Rainbow Dash slapping him in the face.

“No way!” Dash said angrily. “If there’s anypony he has the hots for more than all of you, it should be ME!”

“NO! He loves the Great and Powerful Trixie more!”

“Hold on partner, let’s not get our saddles in a bundle. Ah’m sure Dusk didn’t mean nothin’ by that. You love us all, right Sugarcube?”

“Except he loves me most, because I’m more elegant and ladylike than all of you.”

“No, he love me more ‘cause I throw him the bestest parties!”

“PERPOSTEROUS! WE DISTINCTLY REMEMBER THE ROYAL HUSBAND CLAIMING HE LOVES US BECAUSE WE ART THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL!”

Dear Princess Celestia,

Sorry to cause you trouble, but I have a request: If I have ever buy more than one engagement ring, come down from Canterlot and buck me in the face.

Your faithful student,

Dusk Shine

P.S. Also, could you build me a fallout shelter in the library basement, just in case things get out of hoof? Thank you.

Author's Notes:

Tropes! Tropes as far as the eye can see! I put these here so they can make it to the TvTropes page, so get to editing as soon as you are in finished getting lost in the site.

Blossomforth becomes a Sir Swears-a-Lot when she gets infected with Poison Joke, but is kept safe by Hold Your Hippogriffs.

Pinkamena puts her Slasher Smile Up to Eleven.
Dusk becomes a Green-Eyed Monster in The Rise of Dovashy.

Meaningful Name: This episode, called Wild Mass Guessing, establishes that pegasi can lay eggs, Sweetie Belle memorized the dictionary, Pipsqueak is the son of Fancy Pants and the baby brother of Vinyl Scratch, Featherweight is the foal of Roid Rage and Blossomforth, and Scootaloo is the daughter of the Slenderponies and is afaid of spiders.

Fanservice: The Shower of Love with Dusk & Rarity, the scene in the bedroom with Dusk & Rarity, Applejack & Rarity’s Catfight, helped by AJ’s Of Corsets Sexy… you know what? I’m going to save us heaps of time and officially declare that Rarity is this fic’s Ms. Fanservice, and leave it at that.

This story provides a downplayed version of a Fusion Fic, adding new elements to the story and thrusting the characters into a borrowed role, like Fluttershy turning out to be the Dragonborn, or Featherweight getting Spider-man’s origin story. (Granted, it’s by zebra-god magic, but still.) The Simpsons do it all the time, especially during the Treehouse of Horror Specials.

In the Name of the Moon: Word for word from the Trope Namer, Japanese dub AND English dub.

This story has SO many Shout-Outs, it’s not even funny. (Okay, so it’s a little funny.) They don’t call me meme-asaurus for nothing.

Applejack and Trixie are both Tsundere, but AJ shows it more physically, courtesy of Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee.

Precision F Strike: A bitch variation.

“I’m sorry, but the translation for Thu’um is ‘Shout,’ not ‘Whimper like a Little Bitch.’”

Considering her background, Fluttershy is technically a Proud Warrior Race Guy, but sorta more like a Proud Warrior Clan Mare. I think there’s a more accurate trope for that, but I can’t remember it.

Dark is not Evil: Scootaloo is a Cute Monster Filly with Amazingly Embarrassing Parents that talk in the Voice of the Legion. They only kill trespassers, so I guess that only makes them Affably Evil.

The Fourth Wall Will Not Protect Me: I (kinda) broke a Pinkie Promise. Hide me.

Humans are Cthulu: Possibly. Our existence is hinted throughout the story, but we’re probably extinct anyway.

Duck Season, Rabbit Season: Applebloom invokes this. She must’ve been hanging out with Pinkie Pie.

Real Men Wear Pink: EXTREAME BALLERIA EXPLOSIVE-GATOR MUD WRESTLING FTW! YYYEEEEAAAHHHH!!!!!!!

Speaking of which, Roid Rage is a fusion of The Ahnold and a Bumbling Dad. Fifty bucks says he’s from Eagleland.

The Alcoholic: Averted with Vinyl Scratch. She’s a heavy drinker, but she’s a Cool Big Sis to Pip.

Fleur de Lis is a Hot Mom. No debate. Your argument is invalid.

Blossomforth employs Safety Worst, to the point of being Crazy Prepared.

The Celestia-Damned Tickets from Tartarus ends with a Gilligan Cut.

Shut Up, Hannibal!: Rainbow Dash to Nightmare Moon all the way back at the first chapter, followed by a "The Reason You Suck" Speech which ended with Arson, Murder and Jaywalking.

Fuffy the Terrible: Every single one of Angel’s comrades, complete with a Red Baron title.

Everyone Must Get Stoned: Turns out Poison Joke is a Fantastic Drug, all the way up to Gargle Blaster levels. Subverted with Derpy, whose eyesight clears up and talks with Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness afterwards.

Gender Bender: Poison Joke!Roid Rage aside, I saw several requests for Dusk to be turned into Twilight Sparkle for his curse. I did it to Trixie instead. (Sort of)

Did They or Didn’t They?: Dusk Shine and Rainbow Dash, compare to Poison Joke Made Them Do it. And for a while, it’s debated by Pinkie and Pinkamena (plus the comments box a chapter earlier) whether or not I was just screwing with you guys. Here’s a secret: I wasn’t.

Dinky employs Baby Talk AND Elmuh Fudd Syndwome. And it is glorious.

Squick/Brain Bleach: The udder groping in Dusk meets Trixie, Dusk taking a dump in Dash’s vagina in this chapter, and my crowning achievement can be summarized with three simple words: Royal. Canterlot. Business.

Added Alliterative Appeal: The Flank-Finder Friends, which is an Expy of The Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Lampshade Hanging: Rainbow Dash when they needed to cross the river Chapter 1, and again when discussing the Shadowbolts’ name with Nightmare Moon.

Noodle Incident: This.

“I’ve tried to be Scootaloo’s father once, and you don’t even want to know how that turned out.”

Looking back, that line is totally laced with Fridge Horror now.

Blessed With Suck: Featherweight gets all the powers of one of Marvel’s greatest superheroes… but it turns out he (mostly) doesn’t need them.

Concerning Presto the Magnificent, Dusk is a raging Fanboy.

Puff of Logic: You know why it’s here. This is one of this fic’s stranger moments, and that’s saying A LOT.

Zecora suggests to Marry Them All, but Dusk discards this idea immediately.

Crack Pairing/Toy Ship: Silver Spoon+Snails OTP!!!

Slendermane is married to his Distaff Counterpart.

Full Name Ultimatum/Embarassing Middle Name: Dinky D’awmuffin Hooves.

Jumping the Shark: Slenderloo. ‘Nuff said.

This comment is a really, really REALLY Long List.