A Survivor's Guide to Grimdark Equestria
Chapter 40: White
Previous Chapter Next ChapterTwilight awoke with a sharp gasp, her eyes and wings snapping open in surprise.
No, 'awoke' wasn't quite the right word for what had happened. It felt more as if she'd been shocked out of some sort of stupor she'd been in—like she'd been vaguely aware that she was supposed to be doing something but had lost focus until just now. She swept wide, bewildered eyes over the empty white space around her. Everywhere she looked, she saw nothing but blindingly white nothingness, a place completely devoid of sights or sound.
"H-Hello?" she called out nervously, her voice echoing strangely in her ears, "is anypony here? Where... where am I?"
Was this a dream? A nightmare? Another vision? Or was it something more sinister?
The last thing she remembered was lying down for the night, her mind wandering—as it usually did ever since hers and Luna's meeting with Discord—to her disturbing visions and the dark-skinned bipedal creature seemingly at the center of it all. Several weeks had passed since the aforementioned meeting and Twilight hadn't heard anything whatsoever from Discord during that time about the issue.
It was somewhat disconcerting, though, at the same time, Twilight hadn't actually had any unsettling visions since then either. It was something she was grateful for, and yet something about the lack of visions troubled her almost as much as the visions themselves. Discord hadn't found any kind of resolution as far she knew. Or if he had, he hadn't mentioned anything about it.
If he had found a solution, surely he would've mentioned something right? Twilight liked to think so, but then again, this was Discord she was talking about. As far as he had come in his reformation, he was still Discord and prone to acting in ways that only seemed to make sense to him and him alone. Still, Twilight couldn't shake the feeling that her troubles weren't over.
And now, despite the fear and uncertainty of her current predicament, she couldn't help but feel slightly vindicated in her assertion that something had been off. As much as she'd hoped this was all a dream, it didn't feel like one. She felt very much awake and aware. The space beneath her hooves felt solid though there was nothing there, and all of her senses were on high alert.
"H-Hello?" she called again. She took a single step forward as she spoke, though her hoof made no sound, "can anypony hear me? Is anypony there?!"
Still, there was no response.
After another long moment of silence, Twilight swallowed and took a deep breath before closing her eyes. She had no idea what was going on, but it didn't look like she was in any immediate danger for the time being. With that thought in mind, she tried to push down the fear and analyze the situation with a relatively cool head. Granted there wasn't much to analyze beyond the fact that she appeared to be unharmed.
Thinking back on it, the situation somewhat reminded her of when she had first ascended to alicornhood. The obvious differences, in this case, were the utter lack of warmth she'd felt and the comforting presence of the Princess by her side. Here she was completely alone and at loss for what to do. No matter how she wracked her mind for answers, there was nothing for her to grasp onto.
She wasn't sure how long she stood there in that empty white space pondering and worrying. Ultimately deciding she would get nowhere as she was now, she eventually chose to wander the void. Every so often she would call out in hopes that someone or something would answer, but nothing ever did. She continued to wander for what felt like an eternity and at some point began to despair of ever finding an answer or returning home.
It was as thoughts of never seeing her friends or family again began to cloud her mind that something finally happened. It was nothing visible, but rather a feeling. She felt something in the atmosphere change but had no notion of what that change might've been or even where it had come from. She stood up straighter and her ears perked up, listening for something. Anything.
"Hello?" she called out once more, her tone equal parts hopeful and desperate, "is somepony there?"
This time she did receive a response. A single, melodious chime rang out across the void in response to her desperate inquiry. At that same moment, the air around Twilight rippled with some unseen force, causing her hackles to rise and the skin beneath her fur to tingle oddly. The feeling passed quickly, but Twilight herself had hardly even noticed the sensation, as something else had taken up the entirety of her attention.
The baffled mare stumbled back and fell to her haunches as she tried to take in the sight of her very own cutie mark floating large and imposing before her widened eyes and hanging jaw. The image was undoubtedly the six-pointed magenta-colored star and surrounding white stars she knew so well. It remained static but glowed with a softly pulsing radiance that seemed to emanate from the core of the shape.
" This is..."
Twilight opened her mouth, but any further words failed her and she instead snapped it shut before scrambling back to her hooves. She never once took her eyes off of the massive image, her amethyst irides raking over every inch of it as she tried to comprehend a strange sense of... something. Familiarity? Well, she knew what it was of course.
That it was her own cutie mark was obvious—it wasn't that kind of familiarity. Perhaps 'familiarity' wasn't even the right word. It was a sensation she'd gotten so used to that it hadn't crossed her mind in years, despite how much she relied on the source of what she was feeling. It was a primal emotion of sorts—something between a deep bond and an immutable sense of purpose.
The very first time she'd felt it was when she'd gotten her cutie mark on that fateful day during that disastrous exam. It was the emotional, the thaumic, the spiritual connection to her cutie mark and the talent that came with it that she was feeling. Once Twilight grasped the root of that familiar sensation nagging at her mind it all began to fall into place... or it should've, but something was missing. A great many things, really.
She still had no idea where she was or why or how she'd gotten here. She didn't know why her cutie mark had appeared like this or what it was supposed to mean, but even aside from all of that, there was still something odd about the mark itself. Twilight felt that same familiar connection, but it was wrong in a way she couldn't quite explain.
If she needed something to compare the sentiment to, it would've been like finding out the perfectly perpendicular picture frame you mounted on the wall might actually be tilted ever so slightly to one side. Maybe. Unlike the frame in the analogy, though, Twilight couldn't use a measuring tool to pinpoint and fix the issue she was having. All she could do was frown at the thing, curiosity and frustration beginning to push past her initial bewilderment.
After a moment's thought, Twilight swallowed, her puzzled frown turning into a wary grimace as she took a hesitant step forward. Slowly, ever so slowly, she raised a hoof and reached out toward that familiar, ethereal image. She wasn't entirely sure it was a good idea—in fact, her every equine instinct was telling her she was making a mistake—but just standing there gaping at the thing like a fish wasn't getting her anywhere.
She had to do something.
Maybe, she thought, maybe... a more hooves-on approach is necessary? A-And besides, this is my cutie mark. Whatever's meant to happen, it can't be all that bad if—
Just before Twilight's hoof made contact there was a loud, electrical pop and the image flashed blindingly bright for an instant. The alicorn let out a startled shriek as a tiny arc of lavender lightning snapped out of the floating cutie mark and caught her outstretched hoof. She went rigid as the current of electricity entered and ran through her body. Somewhere in the back of her mind, beyond the pain, years of experience coupled with raw instinct allowed her to realize something.
This isn't electricity... this is... magic? What—
But the thought was cut off as the evidently magical current violently bouncing around her insides reached her brain. The moment that happened, she began to see things. She began to hear things. Sights and sounds flashed through her mind at a speed that made it almost impossible to glean any kind of meaning or context. What little of the unfamiliar scenes she could catch only fueled the confusion within her.
It was like witnessing those horrible visions all over again but fragmented and flashing by at incomprehensible speeds. Twilight felt trapped, locked within her own mind and forced to relive a disjointed past that was not her own. The horrifying experience seemed to go on for an age with no end in sight. Eventually, somewhere along the way, Twilight began to notice something she hadn't before. Amidst the terrifying images and confusing sounds, she started to feel.
Emotions began to well up within her chest—emotions that she somehow knew were not her own, at least not all of them. There was fear. Horror. Anger. Betrayal. Despair. Hatred. There was even a bit of madness mixed in, followed by hope and a growing sense of... relief? A nascent bond of some kind? Mutual understanding perhaps? Twilight couldn't quite tell what the last sensation was, but each emotion crashed into her like a vicious wave one after the other.
She felt like she was beginning to lose herself—like she was becoming somepony else entirely, and a different kind of dread overcame her. It was something raw and existential, and with an internal scream of terror, she tried with every fiber of her being to resist. She tried to push back against that oncoming tide of change, to fight back again the sudden existential invasion.
She wasn't sure how much time passed, but with one final mental push and one last desperate shriek into the void, Twilight felt something snap. The flashing images and cacophonous sounds ceased and she suddenly became entirely herself once more. The weary and shaken mare would've wept literal tears of relief at the outcome, had it not been for the sight that greeted her once she finally opened her eyes.
Where once there had been the monolithic image of her own cutie mark, there now stood the image of another pony. The pony in question was an alicorn—an alicorn that mirrored her own appearance in every way, right down to the expression of complete shock. For a brief moment, Twilight thought it actually was a reflection, but then the other mare blinked before opening her mouth to speak.
"What is this?" she uttered in a small, shaky voice, "you..."
The living reflection paused to look Twilight over briefly. Its eyes seemed to lose focus for a second as its gaze fell upon the wings at her sides. After a second she slowly shook her head in stunned disbelief.
"I don't understand," she muttered before turning to stare at her own wings. She stretched them out, flexing the individual feathers experimentally, "...is this what happens when I die? Or are these the 'chaotic touches' he was talking about?"
Now it was Twilight's turn to blink.
"Chaotic..." she whispered, the word catching in her overtaxed mind. She watched as the other Twilight took in the white void they were now both stuck in. Her thoughts were racing, her mind trying to connect dots she wasn't even sure were there. She was liking less and less where her ruminations were taking her, but as the other Twilight finally refocused her attention on her, she couldn't help them.
"Where's Salvatore?" the reflection suddenly asked. The uncertainty from before had vanished and her gaze had become more focused, her voice clear and firm as she spoke, "and what is this place?" she took a step forward, making Twilight back up in alarm, "I'm guessing you're me from another universe, right? Have you seen Salvatore? Did Discord bring us here? Where is he?"
"I... w-what?" was all Twilight could think to sputter after a moment, "no, I... I don't know what's going on! I just—I woke up here! I don't know any Salvatore and Discord is... he..." she looked around like she was almost expecting the draconequus to pop in any second at the mention of his name, "I don't know... I don't know..."
She fell back to her haunches again and shook her head, the frustration and confusion getting the better of her.
"I don't know! I don't know what's going!" she cried before, "Discord? Salvatore? Other universes?! And this place," she jabbed a hoof in the other mare's direction, "a-and you! You tried to... t-to..." she gave another violent shake of her head and glared at her reflection with unshed tears shining in her eyes, "what in Celestia's name are you?! What is this?!"
The doppelganger had initially reeled back in surprise at the outburst, but as the mare before her began to crack under the weight of this maddening situation, her expression changed. She cycled through a host of emotions ranging from pity to empathy to anger to worry and finally settling on an awkward mix of all of those and more. Before she could apologize or voice any hollow reassurances, her body stiffened.
There was a feeling, a sensation like something was tugging at her very being. It was something hard to describe, but even as she tried to comprehend the sensation it grew more and more insistent, more forceful. Twilight, who'd been waiting for a response to her desperate question, frowned as the reflection froze and its face lit up with some kind of realization. Another second of silence passed between them and before Twilight could ask anything else, the reflection spoke first.
"I'm sorry," the reflection said as its body began to fade. It looked to Twilight with a sad gaze and an apologetic smile, "I can't really give you the answers you're looking for, but if I were you—and I guess I am you—I'd try asking Dis—"
That was as much as she was able to get out before she vanished entirely, her fading remains blowing away like dust in an unseen wind. Twilight was left to stand there, staring at the spot where her reflection—no, her alternate self stood only seconds ago. Now she was alone, again, with far more questions than she had before and still no visible way to escape as the other mare evidently had.
"Somepony," she whispered weakly, "please... get me out of here... let me leave... let me—"
She gasped as something smashed into her awareness like a meteor. Her heart slammed against her ribs and a cold chill shot down her spine as she looked around in a panic. Everywhere she looked she saw the same white nothingness. There was no immediate danger as far as she could tell and yet every nerve in her body was telling her to run now and run fast.
She had sensed it before she heard it, but then the sound came—a slow, steady, rhythmic thrum that came from nowhere and everywhere at once. It was quiet at first, barely more than a distant pounding that she could've easily imagined. Twilight strained her ears, shifting them this and that as she tried and failed to zero in on where the noise was coming from. A minute or so passed and the steady thrum began to grow louder, and her dread grew right along with it.
Without really knowing where to go, she began to move, her hooves moving along the void tentatively at first. Then something somewhere growled. The reverberation from the sound shook the air and Twilight swore she could feel the empty space beneath her scrambling hooves rumble. She was being chased. She didn't know by what or from where it had come, but visible or no, something was hunting her down.
Terror was crushing her in its icy grip and raw equine instinct drove her to gallop as fast as her hooves would allow—all thoughts of flight completely abandoned. The only thing she could see now was the myriad horrific images of her death, all gruesome and inevitable. Her imagination ran as wildly as she herself did, but she didn't dare to look behind her.
She hadn't even been sure that the thing was behind her until she heard the deafening roar. It pushed her to move even faster, drowning out her own screams and swallowing her entire existence. The deep, rhythmic thrum was still there, but she could no longer tell the sound from her own pounding heart. So lost in her own terror was Twilight that she failed to notice the soft fabric of her own mattress beneath her.
So maddened with fear was she that she didn't feel the strong hooves of her stetson-wearing earth pony friend trying with every ounce of her strength to hold her down as she thrashed wildly about. She didn't hear the voices so full of concern or the many pairs of eyes so full of worry. She paid no heed to consolations or repeated certitudes that everything was alright now.
It would be some time yet until Twilight regained her sanity, but she would eventually come to her senses. As her friends and the other Princess' did all they could to calm the fear broken alicorn, Discord watched it all unfold from his humble abode within the Realm of Chaos with a deep frown. Though the experience would leave the mare scarred, Twilight Sparkle would recover, and when she did she would have questions.
Questions that Discord himself would not be able to answer, for no one knew just what had happened to that poor mare or where she had gone—not even Discord himself. As far as anypony had known, before she had released a horrid, drawn-out scream fit to wake the dead from their eternal slumber, she had been sound asleep in her bed.
The troubled draconequus had been monitoring Twilight's psyche since he'd brought her and Luna to his home for a chat. That was how he knew that something somewhere had gone terribly awry. There had been no visions, no dreams or nightmares, no signs that had pointed toward anything other than peaceful rest. There hadn't been anything until she woke up screaming, and for the first time since he'd first met that creature, the normally flippant and unflappable draconequus felt... uneasy.
Discord was a creature whose vision extended throughout all of time and space and across multiple dimensions and realities. He could see farther than any mortal and indeed many immortal deities... but he couldn't see everything. There were places where even his all-encompassing sight could not reach and though few in number, those places that lay beyond his view were—to put it very lightly—very dangerous.
If Twilight had somehow found her way into one of those places, even for just a brief moment, then that was cause for even a being like Discord to worry. With an annoyed huff that did nothing to mask the twinge of nervousness in his gut, he snapped his clawed fingers and vanished from the Realm of Chaos in a colorful puff of smoke. This was something he wouldn't be able to keep to himself.
No, that thing would find out eventually, and Discord knew it'd be in his best interest to spill the beans before that happened, because if he didn't...
Well, staying silent certainly wouldn't have been good for his health.