A full moon hung in the Equestrian Night sky as it cast its reflective light over valleys and hills. Throughout the land, ponies were retiring to bed, with two notable exceptions.

It had been a surprisingly slow Saturday night for Frisky Fillies. Lyra and Bon Bon had only taken a couple of calls each and were currently both faced with down time. While they sat and waited for somepony to call, the two marefriends snuggled together on the couch and watched television. The TV held on a shot of the Equestrian flag rippling in the wind, while the national anthem of Equestria played over it.

"...We are a circle of pony friends. A circle of friends we'll be to the very end!" the Royal Equestrian Choir sang patriotically.

"This concludes our broadcast day," the television announcer said at the conclusion of the anthem. Immediately after that, the screen became a black and white test pattern with a buffalo chief's head depicted in profile. This was accompanied with a loud, droning beep, which prompted Lyra to turn the television off.

"Well, so much for TV," Lyra said, "What do you want to do now?" Bon Bon was about to suggest they bring out Jack and Jill, when their headsets started ringing.

"Finally," Lyra said, "I was beginning to think everypony went to bed early tonight." Lyra turned on her headset and was about to give her introduction, when she was interrupted by the pony on the other end of the line, who was shouting.

"Ahoy-Hoy!" the caller said loudly, "Canst thou hear us?!" In order to spare her eardrums, Lyra turned the volume down on her headset.

"Yes! Yes, I can hear you!" Lyra said, "There's no need to shout." The caller gasped in shock upon hearing another pony's voice over the phone

"Huzzah, it works!" she said, "How splendid! This new technology amazes us!"

Most customers liked to maintain a certain level of anonymity when calling Frisky Fillies and preferred to not give their names out over the phone. However, possibly due to her naivety, tonight's caller didn't attempt any subterfuge and willingly identified herself. Not that she had much of a chance in disguising who she was. Her speech patterns and archaic mannerisms were both dead giveaways.

"Call me Princess Luna," she said, "Is this not Frisky Fillies and art thou not vocal artisans of romantic intentions?"

When Bon Bon learned who was calling, she eagerly turned on her headset. She eavesdropped on Lyra's call, anxious to hear what Luna's most intimate desires were.

"This is indeed Frisky Fillies," Lyra said, "What can we do for you, your highness?"

"We desire to partake in a flight of fancy," Luna said, "Perhaps thou art familiar with Star Swirl, the Bearded?" Lyra remembered reading a history book about him in magic kindergarten.

"I knew that Princess Luna was old," Lyra thought, "But is she really ancient enough to remember that fossil?"

"We recall when he was still known as Star Swirl, the Scruffy," Luna said, wistfully. Lyra and Bon Bon both had to stifle a case of the giggles.

"We never knew him personally, of course," Luna said, blushing, "Only by reputation. Might you be able to indulge us in a young filly's fantasy and allow us to converse intimately with Star Swirl?"

Normally, Lyra would've transferred Luna's call over to their affiliate stallion-based phone sex service. But tonight was slow, and they could use the money.

"Besides," Lyra thought, "how often do you get a princess calling you for phone sex?"

"Please stay on the line and Star Swirl will be with you shortly," Lyra said before pausing her mic and looking hopefully at Bon Bon.

Lyra was out of her element. She barely knew anything about proper etiquette for addressing royalty. Fortunately, Bon Bon had been sent to finishing school by her parents.

Being accomplished chefs, they thought it was important for their daughter to learn refined table manners. While she was there, Bon Bon also learned how to properly act at dinner parties and other social gatherings.

It also helped that, as part of her stage training, Bon Bon had become a master impressionist and was a mare of a thousand voices. Even though Star Swirl lived before the days of recording devices, he had been repeatedly depicted in popular culture, so Bon Bon had a decent idea of how he might sound.

Clearing her throat, she lowered her voice to sound like wise and gruff stallion. There was a powerful timber to Bon Bon's voice, with velvety tender undertones. Lyra smiled. She never got tired of listening to Bon Bon's various voices. It really helped keep things fresh during sex.

Switching on her mic, Bon Bon addressed Princess Luna.

"Hello, I'm Star Swirl, the Bearded," Bon Bon said in a passable impression of his voice, "It's a pleasure to meet you. How do you do?"

There was no reply from Luna; only silence.

"How do you do?" Bon Bon repeated, only to be met with more stoney silence. Bon Bon was afraid her headset might be broken. She was about to try again, when suddenly Luna spoke up, sounding slightly upset.

"It is improper for a mare to address a gentlecolt without first being properly introduced," Luna said, indignantly.

Now it was Bon Bon's turn to feel out of her element. Luna's rules on courtship were so archaic that they were outdated by even the strictest of modern etiquette standards. Fortunately, Lyra was there to help smooth things over.

"I do apologize about that," Lyra said, acting as a chaperone, "No offense was meant, your highness. Princess Luna, may I introduce Star Swirl, the Bearded. Star Swirl, this is Princess Luna."

A pleasure to meet you," Luna said, properly.

"The pleasure is mine, Princess" Bon Bon said, "To show you the proper respect, I'll now bow before you." Bon Bon paused for a moment to give Star Swirl enough time to kneel.

"Star Swirl, when you bow before us, why do we not hear the sounds of the melodious bells which adorned thy hat and cape?" Luna asked quizzically.

Bon Bon gave Lyra an exasperated look. Running off to their closet, Lyra grabbed the bells they used when she and Bon Bon were part of Canterlot's bell choir during last year's Hearth's Warming Eve.

Like most of their other endeavors, being part of a bell choir didn't end well for the two marefriends. Some nights Lyra would lie awake in bed and she could still hear the screams replaying in her head.

Returning to Bon Bon, Lyra held the bells up to her mic and shook them. Luna giggled and clapped her hooves.

"Excellent!" Luna said, "Thou even got the bells right! It is as though we were speaking with Star Swirl in the flesh!"

"After standing back up," Bon Bon said as Lyra shook the bells for effect, "I cordially reach out and shake your hoof." Bon Bon felt as though things would be smooth sailing from now on. Needless to say, she was completely caught off guard by Luna's reaction.

"Oh, such impudence!" Luna said shocked, "To force such an intimate gesture as a hoof shake upon a mare! And in public, no less! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, sir! We are a proper lady and a princess! Not some common tart to have one's way with!"

Luna's indignation left Bon Bon feeling quite flustered. She rarely attended fancy dinner parties anymore. Instead, she and Lyra would often hang out with their friends in Ponyville. As such, Bon Bon took a small amount of satisfaction in knowing that she was usually the most refined pony in the room.

Now, to be repeatedly chastised for her lack of proper etiquette by Princess Luna was almost more than Bon Bon could bear. To prevent herself from losing her cool, she took a deep breath and counted to ten. After switching off her mic, Bon Bon took a moment to analyze the situation with Lyra.

"I've got to keep in mind that Princess Luna is from a simpler time," Bon Bon said as she rubbed her temple with her fore-hooves, "Back in those days, mares and stallions were even more sexually repressed than they are now. It's like Luna walked straight out of a Mane Austin novel."

Upon hearing the name, 'Mane Austin,' Lyra got an idea. After running into their bedroom, Lyra came back with a book.

"I know just what will help us!" Lyra said, "I've got one of Mane Austin's books that we can use as a guide! It's filled with obsolete courting rituals!"

"Perfect!" Bon Bon said excitedly, "Which one do you have? Horse Sense and Sensibility? Mares-field Park?"

"Are you kidding?" Lyra said, incredulously, "I wouldn't read one of those printed sleeping pills if you paid me. The only reason why I have this one is because it's a parody version of her book." Lyra levitated the novel over to Bon Bon so she could read the cover.

"Pride, Prejudice and Zombie Ponies?" Bon Bon said in disbelief, "Really?"

"Hey, don't judge a book by it's cover," Lyra said, "This has a lot of information on proper courtship rituals. I should know; I had to keep skipping over them so I could get to the next zombie pony attack."

"I suppose it will have to do." Bon Bon said, "At least now you'll have a chance to read what you skipped, because I'm going to need your help if we want to satisfy this customer."

Lyra levitated the paperback book in front of her and skimmed it for information. Fearing they were in danger of upsetting their caller even further by ignoring her, Bon Bon reestablished contact with Princess Luna.

"Princess, are you still there?" Bon Bon asked, in her Star Swirl voice.

"We are," Luna said, pouting, "as long as you are willing to start acting civil towards a lady."

"According to the book," Lyra said to Bon Bon, "back in those days, courtship rituals were taken very seriously by both mares and stallions. A single mare never addressed a gentlecolt without an introduction."

"We're passed that part," Bon Bon said, annoyed, "What do I do next?"

"Ah, here we go!" Lyra said, "A single mare never visited a stallion alone. A chaperone always had to be there."

"I had hoped that I might be permitted to call on you at your castle," Bon Bon said, "I have brought a student of mine, Clover, the Clever, with me. She will be our chaperone."

"Hello, your highness," Lyra said, "Clover the Clever, at your service."

"Good to see you again, Clover the Clever," Luna said, "My sister tells us that thou hast written her many letters about thy studies."

"Oh, you know me," Lyra said, awkwardly, "I'm always learnin'... stuff."

"Shall we retire to the parlor?" Bon Bon asked, in a desperate attempt to move the conversation forward.

Lyra jingled the bells, indicating that Star Swirl was walking with everypony else into the castle.

"If you need me, I'll be sitting in the corner reading up on the amniomorphic spell," Lyra said, "I hope you and my mentor have a pleasant and respectful conversation."

Bon Bon paused for a moment as she tried to get into character. If she was going to pull this off, she had to be on her 'A' game.

"We're sitting across from each other in the parlor room of Canterlot Castle," Bon Bon said, "Clover the Clever is studying a scroll by the fireplace, while you and I converse with one another."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Luna asked, knowingly.

"Uh..." Bon Bon said, her mind racing. Lyra was flipping pages in her book to try and figured out what step they missed. Bon Bon started to sweat as the silence hung heavy over their conversation. Luna took pity on the socially-awkward stallion by pointing out his mistake.

"A gentlecolt never wears his hat indoors," Luna said, scoldingly.

Rolling her eyes, Lyra shook her bells to signify that Star Swirl was removing his hat.

"I take my hat off and set it down on the cushion beside me," Bon Bon said, nervously. She chose each word carefully, as though speaking with Luna was tantamount to defusing a bomb.

"No!" Lyra said as she studied from the book, "Don't do it! A well-bred stallion would never put his hat down, but would hold onto it with his hooves at all times. This was an indication of control and responsibility. The belief was that if a stallion could not tend to his own hat for fifteen minutes, how would he ever manage a wife for an entire lifetime?"

"What I meant to say," Bon Bon said, "is that I set my hat in front of me and hold it in place with my hooves."

"Very good," Luna said, impressed, "You clearly have your priorities in order." Bon Bon was feeling more confident and decided it was time to strike up a conversation.

"So, is it difficult to raise the moon each night?" Bon Bon asked.

"The hardest part is remembering to release control once we have lifted the moon," Luna said, "When we have set things in motion, the moon will follow a natural course by itself."

Bon Bon kept the conversation focused on Luna, which went a long way towards impressing the princess. Lyra, meanwhile, was growing more frustrated as she continued to read from the book.

"These etiquette rules are stupid," Lyra said, "Have you read some of this sexist garbage? 'A proper mare was discouraged from displaying any signs of intelligence, or showing any interest in politics.'"

"Yes, we've come a long way since then," Bon Bon said, dismissively as she tried to get Lyra to focus, "but at the moment, I'm more interested in what a stallion is supposed to do to please a mare."

Lyra needed to calm down before continuing, so she went to the kitchen to fix herself a glass of water, before returning to read up on stallion etiquette. While this was going on, Luna informed Bon Bon about her big news.

"Star Swirl, we wanted to announce that we are coming out," Luna said, giddily.

"Luna's coming out?!" Bon Bon said, "I didn't even know she was gay! I thought the whole reason we were doing this was because she had a thing for older stallions."

"Actually," Lyra said, "according to the the rules of etiquette, 'Coming Out' is what a mare did when she was officially available for marriage."

Lyra raised an eyebrow as the water in her glass started to ripple.

"We have enjoyed conversing with you," Luna said, "It was, as the children say, 'fun.'"

"I feel the same way," Bon Bon said, "Quick, Lyra! Where is the proper place for us to meet again?"

Lyra was distracted by her water as it slowly inched up one side of her glass as though the liquid was alive and subtly trying to escape its container.

"Bon Bon, are you seeing this?" Lyra asked, mesmerized.

"Lyra, what am I supposed to say?!" Bon Bon asked, slightly losing her temper. Ignoring the gravity-defying water, Lyra refocused on the book and skimmed it for information.

"Uh... courtship advanced slowly, with couples first speaking, then walking together..." Lyra said.

"Perfect!" Bon Bon replied, cutting Lyra off and returning to her conversation with Luna.

"I would very much enjoy to walk the Canterlot Gardens with you," Bon Bon said, "If that's permissible."

"It is acceptable to us," Luna said, "provided thy student again serves as our chaperone."

"I must first send an urgent missive to a colleague, but I shall soon meet you in the garden, my princess," Bon Bon said, as she described Star Swirl bowing. Lyra jingled the bells to signify Clover the Clever and Star Swirl, the Bearded leaving the castle.

"Okay, we've got a minute to prepare before I start my walk with Luna," Bon Bon said, "What do I need to know about garden walk etiquette?"

There was no response from Lyra. Bon Bon turned to look at her marefriend, who was staring at the glass. The water looked like it was being turned over, even though the glass was balanced level on the table.

"Lyra, quit playing with your water!" Bon Bon snapped, "We've got to focus."

"It's not my magic. I'm not doing anything here," Lyra said, amazed, "This is seriously freaking me out." The two mares grew more concerned as they watched the water near the top of one side of the glass.

"And is it my imagination, or is it getting brighter?" Bon Bon said, "It's too early for Celestia to have raised the sun."

Lyra walked over to the window and lifted the blinds. The two mares let out a gasp as they saw a giant, glowing orb suspended high above Canterlot Castle.

"It's some kind of alien space station!" Lyra said, in awe.

"That's no space station," Bon Bon said, "It's a moon."

The moon was slowly lowering itself out of the sky towards the castle. As it neared the planet, the heavenly body began to adversely affect the tides.

"Well, that explains why the water's screwed up," Lyra said.

"I've got to cancel my call with Luna!" Bon Bon said, panicking, "She's got to set the moon back in its orbit before it crushes Caterlot Castle and destroys all life on Equestria!"

"Princess Luna!" Bon Bon said, frantically.

"Ah Star Swirl, there you are," Luna said, "I trust that Clover the Clever will be joining us on our walk."

"There's no time for that now!" Bon Bon said, "If you don't get the moon back into orbit soon, its going to crash into the castle!"

"Star Swirl, surely thou jests," Luna said, "Why, it is a beautiful spring day; perfect for taking a stroll through the gardens. The moon isn't even out."

"Did Luna seriously believe this was real, and not just a phone call?" Bon Bon thought, "I guess ponies really did have more vivid imaginations before television was invented."

Lyra had switched her phone to a different channel, in order to call the Royal Guards and notify them of the impending lunar cataclysm. Unfortunately, all other phone lines were busy.

A large number of other ponies noticed that the moon appeared three times larger than its normal size and was closing in on the castle. The ensuing panic had tied up all other phone lines.

"That does it," Bon Bon said, "If she thinks it's daytime, I'm just going to hang up on her so she can be brought back to reality and fix this mess."

"Star Swirl, may I speak with you in private for a moment?" Lyra asked, insistently.

"Certainly, Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said, "Please excuse me, princess. My student and I shall return soon."

"What?" Bon Bon asked, impatiently, "We need to end this now!"

"You can't just hang up on her!" Lyra said, who knew a thing or two about the principles behind pony magic, "She's too far into her fantasy. If you shatter her illusion of reality, the shock could cause her to unknowingly send the moon crashing straight into Canterlot Castle."

"So what do we do?" Bon Bon asked, panicking, "Just carry on the conversation and pretend the moon isn't growing closer every second?!"

"Exactly," Lyra said, "You've got to keep pretending you're the charming stallion of her dreams."

This prospect didn't seem appealing to Bon Bon. If the world was doomed, she didn't want to spend her final moments playing make believe with Princess Luna. Bon Bon knew there had to be some solution.

"So, we can't hang up on Luna without potentially destroying the planet," Bon Bon said, "Isn't there some kind of mental magic fail safe we can exploit to get the moon back in its proper orbit?"

Lyra thought back to her anatomy classes and the diagrams of a unicorn's brain. She remembered how the nerve endings from the horn connected with the basal ganglia circuits at the base of the brain.

"Luna is still subconsciously pulling the moon," Lyra said, "Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that controls the flow of magic from other areas of the brain. If we can force Luna's body to release dopamine, it should safely sever her magical connection to the moon and return it to its proper orbit."

"How do you remember so much from biology class?" Bon Bon said, impressed.

"Because the largest natural production of dopamine happens during an orgasm," Lyra said, "I remember the teacher warning us in sex ed to not perform any potentially dangerous magic during intercourse, because your subconscious spells become undone when you climax."

"Do you really think Luna having an orgasm will free the moon from her magic?" Bon Bon asked.

"Well, she isn't a unicorn," Lyra conceded, "but the principle should still be the same for alicorns. It's the best chance we've got, at any rate."

"So let me see if I've got this straight," Bon Bon said, "I've got to make Luna orgasm through phone sex, while adhering to a strict code of chaste behavior and archaic courtship rituals; and all of this has to be done before the moon crashes into the capital city and subsequently wipes out all life in Equestria?"

"You've got it," Lyra said.

"Great," Bon Bon said, sarcastically, "Well, here goes nothing."

"Princess Luna?" Bon Bon said, "Clover the Clever and I are ready to begin our walk with you."

"Humph," Luna said, slightly upset, "It's poor form to keep a lady waiting."

Bon Bon groaned as Lyra jingled the bells.They knew their task was going to be daunting.

"If we're lucky," Lyra said, "you won't have to make Luna cum. I'm sure once Celestia realizes what's going on, she'll rush in and fix things. I bet the Royal Guards are waking her up right now. You just need to keep Luna in her fantasy world a little longer until Celestia can fix the moon."

What Lyra and Bon Bon didn't realize, was that the Royal Guards were unable to find Celestia. Attached to her door was a note that read,

"Gone to Las Pegasus. Be back tomorrow morning. Signed, Celestia. P.S. Luna's in charge while I'm gone."

The Royal Guards checked Luna's room, but she wasn't there. Luna was actually having her phone conversation in a place where nopony would ever think to look for her.

Desiring seclusion to help fuel her fantasy, Luna went to the archives of the Equestrian History museum, which were located within Canterlot Castle.

She sat on a pillow, surrounded by ancient artifacts. Having had difficulty adjusting to the modern world after her eon of exile, Luna found that this room of forgotten treasures brought her a measure of peace; so she turned it into her own secret clubhouse.

Next to Luna was a life-size mannequin of a stallion with a bushy white beard and a coat the color of sweet potatoes. His cutie mark was of a large golden bell. The stallion was a facsimile of A. Pealing Bell, the inventor of the telephone.

The model was part of the Great Equestrian Inventors series, which has been put in storage to make room for newer displays. Beside the model of Bell was one of his inventions, the first telephone, which was currently being used by Luna. The princess held the receiver to her ear and closed her eyes as she imagined her afternoon stroll through the Canterlot Gardens with the stallion of her dreams.

"Aren't the flowers beautiful, Star Swirl?" Luna asked.

"Yeah, beautiful," Bon Bon said agitated, "You know what else is beautiful? Living. I want to keep on living. How about you?" Bon Bon was having a difficult time concentrating on maintaining the fantasy world in the face of imminent annihilation. She watched the water flow from the lip of the glass as the moon drew ever closer.

"Star Swirl, you seem upset," Luna said, pouting, "It's a lovely spring day. The birds are singing. Am I not enjoyable company?"

"No," Bon Bon said,distracted, "It's not that..."

Lyra stared out the window as the moon continued its merciless advance. It looked as though Celestia couldn't help them now. It was up to Lyra and Bon Bon to save the day.

"Can't I just convince Luna it's night and ask her to raise the moon in the fantasy?" Bon Bon asked, "Wouldn't that cause it to rise in the real world?"

"Too risky," Lyra said, "If Luna's suspension of disbelief snaps, the moon could come crashing down. You've got to maintain a reasonable universe."

"I don't know if I can do this," Bon Bon said, nervously.

"You'll do fine," Lyra said encouragingly, "You've just got to be more assertive. Get through the courtship rituals as quick as you can. Just don't go too fast, or you'll scare her off."

"She practically cried rape when I described a hoof shake," Bon Bon said, "I think it's going to be a little difficult to bring her to orgasm by painting an erotic picture. Aren't there any shortcuts to intimacy I can use?"

"It says here that while dances were generally accepted," Lyra said, reading from the book, "the act of dancing was frowned upon by some, due to the necessity of physical closeness it offered to mares and stallions."

"You had me at physical closeness," Bon Bon said, "Quick! Grab your lyre and start playing. I have a plan."

Lyra ran to her room to get her instrument. On the way there, Lyra glanced outside and saw the moon push the clouds away as it grew ever nearer to the castle. Lyra gulped.

"We're running out of time," Lyra thought.

Lyra returned and started playing her lyre, just as Bon Bon had instructed.

"Do you hear... music?" Luna said, surprised.

"I do," Bon Bon said, knowingly, "I believe it's the Canterlot Garden Cotillion. Would you care to join me in a dance?"

"One does not simply ask a mare to dance," Luna said, haughtily.

"Of course one doesn't," Bon Bon said, through gritted teeth, "Silly me."

"Dance cards!" Lyra said, reading ahead in the book, "All mares are given cards at these events and the stallions sign up for the various dances."

"I meant to say that I sign your dance card," Bon Bon said, curtly, "Happy?"

"We are!" Luna said, oblivious to Bon Bon's snarky tone, "Now we shall dance!"

As they danced, Luna talked about her admiration for Star Swirl.

"We have always enjoyed reading about your adventures," Luna said, "It must be thrilling to risk one's life for the sake of magical discovery."

"I'm fortunate to have a student who takes such meticulous notes," Bon Bon said, "Without Clover the Clever, my stories would be lost to the sands of time."

"We would love to join you on one of your adventures, but such activities are considered... improper for a princess," Luna said, wistfully.

Bon Bon knew that if she wanted to save Equestria, she couldn't just make small talk with Luna. In order to breach Luna's barriers of decorum, Bon Bon had to make Star Swirl, the Bearded sound as romantic as possible.

"Ponies know me as the most important conjurer of the pre-classical era," Bon Bon said, "I've created more than two hundred spells; and yet the spell your beauty has cast on me has been the most powerful of all. You have bewitched me, Luna; both body and soul, and I love... I love... I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."

Bon Bon described Star Swirl bending down and looking up into Luna's eyes.

"Princess Luna," Bon Bon said, "Will you marry me?"

"Oh, Star Swirl," Luna said as her face became flushed with emotion, "You've made us so happy! Yes! Yes we will marry you!"

"Excellent!" Bon Bon said, eagerly, "A prompt ceremony and then a passionate honeymoon, right?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Luna said, haltingly, "Before the wedding, we still need to have an official engagement announcement party, a formal evening engagement party and the presentation of the engagement ring. To say nothing of the countless hours that go into planning the wedding itself. The engagement process can last as long as two years, with hundreds of steps that need to be completed before we can get married."

"Hu... hundreds of steps?" Bon Bon said nervously. Any other time, Bon Bon would've been elated to have a caller keep them on the phone for this long, but at this point, the money wasn't even a consideration. What good were bits if there was no Equestria left to spend them in?

"Yes, hundreds," Luna said, "And we would be remiss to skip even one. Don't worry though, Star Swirl. Throughout the months of planning we can sustain each other with our chaste, undying love."

Bon Bon cringed at the word 'chaste,' which was a dirty word in the phone sex business. In order to make Luna horny, Bon Bon knew that she would have to get desperate.

"Then we mustn't waste any more time," Bon Bon said, emphatically, "Lets quickly adjourn to the parlor room and start filling out invitations to our engagement announcement party. Clover the Clever will bring the stationary."

The sounds of Lyra's lyre grew faint as Bon Bon described the group moving away from the cotillion and into the parlor. Lyra jingled the bells indicating that Star Swirl was moving with Luna and Clover the Clever towards the castle.

"Bon Bon, we don't have time to fill out invitations," Lyra said, "The moon will reduce Canterlot Castle to rubble before you finish licking your last stamp."

"I don't plan on filling out invitations," Bon Bon said, "I just suggested we go to the parlor because I needed to get Luna alone. Instead of licking stamps, I'm going to be licking her."

"You're going to try and seduce her?" Lyra said, "Luna won't agree to that. I just read in the book that no impure conversations were held in front of single mares and no sexual contact was allowed before marriage. Innocence was demanded by stallions from mares, and most especially from his future wife. Since Luna won't tolerate any verbal vaginal violations, phone sex is out of the question. No horny princess means no orgasm and no orgasm means no dopamine. We've failed."

"I've got to do something to stop the moon," Bon Bon said, "Unless you can think of another plan, forcing her is our only option."

Bon Bon described Star Swirl, Clover the Clever and Luna entering the parlor and sitting across from each other, while Clover the Clever levitated some parchment, quills and ink wells.

"Go ahead and set the stationary down on the table, Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said, "Then go fetch some extra ink from the supply closet. I can tell we're going to need it."

"Yes, Star Swirl," Lyra said dubiously, as she left the parlor, closing the door behind her.

"Star Swirl, you should reopen the parlor door," Luna said, uncomfortably, "We do want to avoid the appearance of any impropriety. Even if we are engaged, we ought not be alone together, lest we be tempted."

"Without saying a word, I knock over the table, scattering the blank invitations all over the floor," Bon Bon said, rape-ily, "Ink spills as I tackle you to the ground and hold you down with my powerful fore-hooves."

To add to the effect, Bon Bon took the bells from Lyra and shook them to simulate Luna struggling to free herself from Star Swirl.

"What are you doing?!" Luna said, shocked, "We do not wish to be held down! Get off of us this instant, you mountebank!"

Bon Bon didn't want to rape Princess Luna, but it was the only way to save Equestria from annihilation.

"This is for your own good, princess," Bon Bon said, "You'll thank me later."

"What are you talking about?" Luna cried hysterically.

Bon Bon described Star Swirl straddling Luna and was about to mount her 'bank' and make a substantial deposit, when they were suddenly interrupted by Clover the Clever.

"He's trying to protect you from the zombie ponies!" Lyra said, interrupting her marefriend.

"Zombie ponies?" Bon Bon and Luna said together.

"Look out the window," Lyra said, "An undead horde of ponies ravages the countryside, feasting upon the flesh of the living. Those who were still dancing at the cotillion had to flee for their lives from the trotting dead."

Luna was dumbfounded as she tried to reconcile a zombie apocalypse in her fantasy. It was a dangerous line, because if Luna's suspension of disbelief became broken, then the moon would fall. Lyra knew she had to be as convincing and sincere as possible.

"When there's no more room in Tartarus, the dead will walk Equestria," Lyra said, ominously. This seemed to satisfy Luna, who suddenly became very frightened. Bon Bon just looked perplexed. Lyra took advantage of their bewildered states to further the story.

"Star Swirl, I know you're trying to protect Princess Luna," Lyra said, "but we must first secure our location. Help me tear up some of the wooden floor. We need to board up the windows and doors."

Lyra took back the bells from Bon Bon and jingled them to indicate that Star Swirl was running around, tearing up the parlor floorboards.

"Luna, while we're busy securing the room, look for something you can use as a weapon," Lyra said, "We need to defend ourselves in case the zombie ponies breach the castle walls."

Luna thought of what she could use as a weapon while Bon Bon was utterly lost.

"What's with the zombie ponies?" Bon Bon asked annoyed, "I'm never going to get Luna to cum now. I mean, not unless she's into necrophilia..."

"We don't need to make her climax, since that seemed like a lost cause anyhow," Lyra said, "I remembered something that will work just as well as dopamine."

"What's that?" Bon Bon asked.

"Adrenaline," Lyra said, "It works similar to dopamine. When scared or pressured, the body releases adrenaline, which gives ponies the natural energy they need to either fight or flee from danger. For unicorns, a rush of adrenaline safely concludes all active spells so the body can devote all magical energies towards self-preservation."

"So if we scare Luna, she'll release the moon and we can save Equestria," Bon Bon said, "Lyra, you're brilliant!"

"I had a good teacher," Lyra said, blushing, "Star Swirl."

"Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said. The two marefriends stared at each other, before embracing in a tender hug.

"Alright," Bon Bon said, as a tear ran down her cheek, "Let's do this."

"Together," Lyra said, as she wiped away her marefriend's tear.

The ground started to shake as the moon neared the planet's surface. It was so close that ponies could read words which had been etched in the lunar landscape.

"Luna was here. Celestia is a loser," one of the Royal Guards read as he stared at the writing on the moon.

Meanwhile, hidden deep within the archives, Luna felt the vibrations of the moon as it drew closer and assumed the tremors were caused by the hoofbeats of dozens of undead ponies advancing towards the castle.

"The windows and doors are boarded up securely, Star Swirl," Lyra said.

"Excellent work, Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said, "Princess Luna, have you found any suitable weapons?"

"We have," Luna said, "We found a brass fire poker you can use."

"I have my conjuror's staff as a weapon," Bon Bon said, "You should keep the fire poker for yourself."

"You want me to fight zombie ponies?" Luna asked incredulously, "Such acts of violence are improper for a lady to engage in."

"Do you think the zombie ponies are following table manners when they feast on brains?" Lyra said to Luna, "Let's face it, princess. When the undead walk the earth, proper etiquette is the first thing to go."

"We are not sure we can fight zombie ponies," Luna said, nervously, "We are... afraid."

"Zombie ponies can't feel fear, so why should you?" Bon Bon said, "I'll be by your side, so you'll never be alone."

Luna found these words comforting and felt herself becoming more enamored with her fiance.

"What do you need me to do, Star Swirl?" Lyra asked.

"Get out your quill," Bon Bon said, "I need you to record our stand against the undead horde. Generations from now, ponies will read your account of how Princess Luna and her fiance saved Equestria from zombie ponies."

This was Bon Bon's code for Lyra to serve as narrator for the remainder of their phone call. It also allowed Luna to fulfill her fantasy of joining Star Swirl on one of his adventures.

"Star Swirl, the Bearded stands at the secured door, ready to defend," Lyra said, "Princess Luna guards the boarded up window, prepared to give her all for her subjects."

Luna felt her heart beat fast. She imagined herself levitating a brass fire poker as her weapon of retribution against the advancing zombie pony legion.

"The undead have breached the outer walls and are now shambling towards the front of the castle," Lyra said, "Some of the zombie ponies are headed straight for us."

"Keep calm and stand your ground!" Bon Bon said, "Remember; no matter how desperate the situation seems, time spent thinking clearly is never wasted."

"Rotten hooves scrape at the door as the zombies try to force their way inside," Lyra said, "Panes of glass are shattered by the horde. The wooden boards are the only thinks keeping them at bay."

Lyra threw her cup on the ground for emphasis. The sound of shattered glass caused Luna to shriek as she imagined a zombie pony reaching for her through the window.

"Don't just stare at the corpse," Lyra said, "Hit it!"

"We thrust our poker with terrific force," Luna said.

"It connects with the animated corpse, driving the pointed spike between its eyes," Lyra said, "Congealed blood flows from the wound as the zombie pony is pushed back outside."

"Huzzah! We did it!" Luna said, excitedly, "We have slain a zombie pony!"

"Excellent!" Bon Bon said, "But there are more zombie ponies trying to break in through. I'll continue defending the door, but we need you to protect the window."

"More glass is shattered as a zombie pony reaches a fore-hoof through the window to try and take Luna," Lyra said, as she shattered another cup, "The boards on the window hold them back, but they try to loosen the wood by pressing their weight against it."

"Loathsome abomination!" Luna cried, "Thou shalt not gobble us this day!"

"Swinging her poker with terrific force, Luna brings her weapon down on the corpse's fore-hoof, severing it from the rest of its body," Lyra said, "The detached limb falls to the ground and ceases to move. The hoofless zombie pony is knocked aside as more swarm to take its place. Half a dozen corpses press against each other as they tried to gain access through the window."

"Go back to Tartarus!" Luna shouted, "We swing at the monsters, halting their advance!"

"Meanwhile, Star Swirl is holding the door, denying the zombies an entrance," Lyra said, "His knowledge of magic is rivaled only by his combat skills."

"Excellent notes, Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said, "What scientific truths have you gleaned from my dispatching of the undead?"

"Blows to the body cannot stop these creatures," Lyra said, "Only by damaging the brain can a zombie pony truly be destroyed."

"An astute observation," Bon Bon said, "Tell me. What sort of protection is ideal against the undead?"

Lyra knew that if they wanted to generate genuine terror within Luna, they were going to have to raise the stakes.

"Before I can answer my mentor's question, the door is knocked open and zombie ponies bite onto Star Swirl's robe and drag him outside," Lyra said, "His magical aura falters, causing him to drop his staff."

"Star Swirl!" Luna cries in a panic, "Never fear! We shall save thee!"

Luna's heroism caught Lyra off guard, but it wasn't completely unexpected either.

"Luna runs towards the open door and flies over the heads of the zombie ponies," Lyra said, "She knocks the animated corpses off of Star Swirl before they claim him as one of their own."

Lyra shook the bells to indicate Star Swirl was kicking the zombie ponies away as Luna defended him with her fire poker.

"Sensing potential victims nearby, the zombie ponies stop their assault on the castle and move towards Star Swirl and Luna," Lyra said, "I run to the door and toss Star Swirl his staff."

"Much appreciated, Clover the Clever," Bon Bon said.

"Star Swirl," Lyra called out, "Based on recent events, I have determined that tight clothes and short manes are ideal protection against zombie ponies."

"Duly noted," Bon Bon said, "Next time I face the undead hordes, I'll be sure to leave my cape at home."

"Surrounded by the undead, Star Swirl and Luna make a last desperate stand against the zombie ponies." Lyra said, "Their weapons readied, they swing at anything that gets too close."

"Watch out, Luna!" Bon Bon said, There's one crawling up behind you!"

"Luna turns around and sees a zombie pony who is forced to crawl towards her using its fore-hooves," Lyra said.

"I look down and stomp the wretch's head in with my hoof," Luna said, "Blood and bits of brain splatter as another zombie pony is eliminated!"

Lyra and Bon Bon looked at it each other, concerned. They both thought that Luna was maybe enjoying the killing a little too much.

As the imaginary battle intensified, so did the rumblings caused by the moon, which was nearly on top of Canterlot Castle.

"I stab a zombie pony in the neck!" Luna said, giddily, "Dark blood spurts from its arteries, showering me with gore! The power is... intoxicating."

"You're a natural zombie pony slayer!" Bon Bon said, trying to flatter Luna, "A skilled fighter such as yourself is welcome on any of my adventures."

Lyra and Bon Bon ran to the window. The moon was nearly touching the tallest tower of Canterlot Castle. The heavenly body was blocking out a good portion of the sky and showed no signs of slowing down.

"Why hasn't the rush of adrenaline released the moon from Luna's influence?" Bon Bon said, worried, "I thought all we had to do was scare her."

"The problem is, she's not getting scared," Lyra said, "Unless I'm mistaken, I think killing zombie ponies is giving Luna wood."

"You mean she's horny?" Bon Bon said in disbelief.

"Killing ponies is fun when they're zombies!" Luna said, growing more aroused "I stick the pointed end of my poker into a zombie pony and rip it in half, littering the ground with its wet entrails."

While Luna was growing more emboldened and excited, Lyra and Bon Bon were starting to sink into despondency. Nothing they did seemed to have any effect on the moon.

"Dying in my home as I listen to my leader become moist while fighting imaginary zombies," Lyra said, "What do you know. My fortune cookie was right."

The tallest spire on Canterlot Castle started to bend as the moon pressed against it. It wouldn't be long now before it was all over. Ever the professionals, Lyra and Bon Bon were committed to fulfilling their caller's fantasy for as long as possible.

"I swing the poker at an advancing zombie," Luna said, "The metal spike connects with the side of its head and decapitates the corpse. Dark blood oozes from its gaping neck hole as its head rolls along the ground before eventually coming to a stop in the grass."

"The lawn is carpeted with a layer of zombie pony blood and guts," Lyra said, "Luna wades through the gore as she approaches the last of the trotting dead."

"Using my magic, I spin my poker like a propeller and send it flying through a legion of zombie ponies," Luna said, "The rotating weapon beats several of the zombies' heads in, while decapitating others."

"We did it," Bon Bon said emotionally exhausted, "We defeated the zombie ponies."

"Star Swirl, the Bearded and Luna walk towards each other, taking caution as they step over the decapitated corpses that litter the ground," Lyra said, "Both of them are splattered with blood and gore from the eviscerated horde. Part of a zombie's lower intestine dangles off of Luna's horn."

"You saved me from a fate worse than death," Bon Bon said romantically.

"Being turned into a zombie pony?" Luna asked.

"No," Bon Bon replied, "Being separated from you."

A lump formed in Luna's throat as she felt a deep and abiding love swell within her breast.

"Star Swirl and I kiss each other, "Luna said, passionately.

"As the two blood-splattered lovers kiss, the sun sets in the west," Lyra said, "The day of the dead is over. The power of the zombie ponies has faded like the rays of the sun at dusk."

The kiss did more than bring a happy ending to their little tale. As Luna lay in the archives imagining her true love's kiss, the moon stopped bending the spire of Canterlot Caste. The heavenly body slowly began to rise back in the sky. Lyra and Bon Bon looked out the window.

"We did it!" Bon Bon said, "We saved Canterlot, and nopony will ever know."

"I'll know," Lyra said, as she leaned in and gave Bon Bon a kiss.

As if she was awakening from an enchanted sleep, Luna opened her eyes and returned to the real world.

"What a wonderful fantasy!" Luna said, "Thou art truly masters of thy craft!"

"Anytime, princess," Bon Bon said, "Feel free to call again."

"Preferably when you're off duty," Lyra muttered.

The next morning, Lyra and Bon Bon were reading the newspaper. They had hoped to see some story about the moon and the near annihilation of the planet, but there was hardly any mention of it.

The front page story was of Celestia getting drunk on her Las Pegasus trip and passing out in a fountain outside one of the casinos.

"I can't believe how the Canterlot PR department is trying to spin this," Lyra said as she read the paper, "They're saying what everypony saw last night wasn't the moon, but an errant weather balloon. Nopony realizes how close we came to utter destruction."

"How did the moon end up rising?" Bon Bon asked, "I thought we determined that the adrenaline released from fear wasn't enough."

"You're right. It wasn't" Lyra said, "It completely slipped my mind at the time, but after our call with Luna, I did more research on unicorn anatomy. It turns out that when you're scared, your brain also pumps out dopamine."

"The same chemical you release when you orgasm?" Bon Bon said.

"Or when you're attracted to someone," Lyra said, "The euphoric high ponies feel when they're in love is caused by dopamine as well."

"So you're saying that being frightened creates a similar feeling of exhilaration?" Bon Bon asked.

"Exactly," Lyra said, "The main thing scary activities do is increase your overall arousal level. For example, watching a horror movie releases dopamine. When you watch it with somepony you love, the arousal from being frightened becomes mixed with the arousal of sexual attraction."

"So what does this mean?" Bon Bon asked.

"It means that horror films are the perfect date night movie," Lyra said, "On a related note, historical figures infused with horror elements are really popular right now."

"What are you hinting at?" Bon Bon asked, dubiously.

"I'm saying let's take tonight off and go see a movie," Lyra said, "Princess Platinum, Vampire Hunter is getting good reviews."

Bon Bon stared at Lyra skeptically.

"Alright. You caught me," Lyra said, "It's actually getting terrible reviews. I knew you'd only want to see a movie if it was widely acclaimed. The critics are calling Princess Platinum, Vampire Hunter 'mindless schlock with excessive amounts of blood.'"

"Sounds like your kind of movie," Bon Bon said, grinning, "Okay. Count me in."

Since it was Lyra's plan that ultimately saved Equestria, Bon Bon thought her marefriend could use a little reward for a job well done.

"You mean you'll see it?" Lyra said, surprised.

"Sure," Bon Bon said, "I'm eager to see how fear enhances attraction."

"Are you sure you won't be bored?" Lyra asked.

"I'll find ways to keep myself entertained," Bon Bon said, seductively, "Maybe we can sit in the back of the theater and I can lick your stamp during the movie."

She gave Lyra a sly wink. Lyra blushed and gave a horny smile.

"You dirty little minx," Lyra said, causing her marefriend to giggle.

Bon Bon grabbed her saddle bags as the two mares headed to the movies.