The day after Jayne and I cemented the plan, which was for me to start growing the Guild so we would have an independent power to push around, I started preparing to go back to Equestria without either of the people I’d come with. Instead, Maud was going to be coming back with me and I was going to be starting off my early recruitment by having Frieda spearhead my operations in Minosia. Dagger was going to be her second, and I’d already convinced Steely and Tangerine Breeze to take a case to Jayne’s Court as early as possible. The big lug actually had quite a few friends among the Xysma that were all fans of mine for freeing them of their oppressive father, so it wasn’t any big deal for him to smooth-talk his way into getting a couple of them to level false allegations of some kind against Tangerine. The trick was to get Steely to disprove their claim since they didn’t care about ruining their already mud-slathered titles, and that was about it for that piece of the pie.

Another slice of sugary goodness was for me to contact Celestia and have her stage a shouting match with Jayne over political matters in public, which would be easy enough to arrange since Celestia would hopefully see the wisdom in keeping things on edge between Equestria and Minosia before letting the bad blood dilute with a little time and stalling. We hoped that with the plan, suspicions about Jayne being from Equestria rather than from Bite-Back would fizzle out before they arose, but we could never be too sure of where our blessings would come, and they were often unreliable anyway.

As of the tale, I was spending the morning before my departure in Maud’s room, doing various physical rehabilitation exercises with Tangerine because I’d agitated the wounds I’d gotten from my fight with Herodotus and Ladesa. My fractured ribs were already mending, but my broken pair were going to need more help than Tangerine could provide in a couple of days. However, she could keep me in a functioning condition so long as I took it easy and didn’t do anything unnecessary. There were no shortage of volunteers as far as Ponies, Griffins, and Cats went to bring me whatever I needed, so I asked for a Tom named Calikat and a Tomcock named Teddison to stay when they cycled through my visitors because they looked interesting. They were both original Biting Wind members, and Teddison had been originally caught in the purge that had almost killed my crew. Both were fiercely loyal to my abilities and intelligence rather than my morals and prestige, which was definitely more adequate for leading rather than bossing people around.

Calikat was from the Sands and happened to be one of the few Cats around that managed to keep a single girlfriend instead of sleeping around like the rest of his race, which said something about his abilities to stay devoted to a cause. The fellow was interesting to say the least, in that he was perfect for sneaking around Grey Grotto with his streaky, striped grey coat and existence as a Cat, but what really caught my attention about his appearance were his orange eyes. They were a little unsettling, in fairness, but they also lended his gaze a certain warmth that a killer lacked. Of course he’d tasted blood, and my questioning was the reason I’d learned that, but it’s also how I learned that he still felt incredibly guilty about taking the lives of his three kills. He was a pure-ish heart who was mixed up in a business he really shouldn’t have had a part of, but his skills were valuable. Desmond always said that an alley cat who works for their scraps is a fool, but Calikat wasn’t really street.

He was honestly too good to be in Bite-Back, but with his sense of justice and willingness to follow ‘someone’ who had decentish morals, it was hard to pass up on the skilled pair of paws. I asked him to be a part of the Guild and he agreed in a heartbeat, even after I warned him that he may eventually have to be branded to receive certain magical boons. It was a good start, and when I met Teddison, I knew that the Griffin was a keeper for sure. Unlike the slim, slender Cali, Teddi was rather stocky; more of a bruiser type than anything else. His especially dark fur and dingy plumage made him look sketchier than Hell itself, but the guy had a great track record that Cali was quick to inform me of when he stopped by.

Teddison was a long-time Bite-Backer that had seen his fair share of grifting, infiltrations, and general thuggery, but his real specialty was in his bullshit detecting skills, apparently. The guy was notorious for being able to get every bit he was owed back in Bridleland where he was originally from, but even in Minosia he was starting to become infamous for being able to back up his tough talk. Of course I asked him to be some of my muscle since sharp objects that get swung hard do damage, and he had knives for fingers. He told me that the only way he was joining was if he didn’t actually have to steal from anyone, which might’ve been a problem if I didn’t just want the fellow as hired muscle in the first place. A quick dismissal of his worries and an assurance that stealing wouldn’t be in his agenda was enough to put his heart at ease.

I continued seeing new people throughout the day, but I kept my recruiting low-key, just in case anyone was getting any ideas of jumping Bite-Back’s ship altogether. It was a bit of an endeavor to make sure that I could get people to pay Guild fees to someone they trusted, but Frieda was one of the most trusted faces in Bonetown, even if the female population tended to be a little jealous. She had a natural charisma to her that made organizing the people I sent to her ‘as easy as freaking out a Pony.’, to put it in her words.

By the afternoon, I had around seven for-sure people that would be making decent income for the Guild, and I had five more that would get back with Frieda considering what they wanted to do. I had my fans, but mentioning Jayne often cinched the deal, though that was mostly because being assured that you weren’t going to rot in prison for stealing was pretty rad. However, I made it clear that the privilege of paying your way out of jail only came when you brought in enough gold to make it worthwhile to get your arse out. It might seem a bit cold, but pockets have to get greased to get people out of gaol in one piece without raising too many questions, and we can’t be spending all of our money on hopeless fools. I’d also made it clear that crossing the Guild would cost your life, and none of the oaths I had my visitors swear were to be taken lightly. The secrecy of the matter and ultimate importance were both to be kept as they were: On a need-to-know basis.

There wasn’t much I needed to do before I left that I couldn’t do from the comfort of Maud’s room, and that included eating and bathing since walking long distances alone kicked my tail like you wouldn’t believe. I could fly wherever I needed to go, but my injuries didn’t like having my Mana flow freely inside of me, which was a pain in the arse in and of itself. My healing factor left me feeliong itchy a lot of the time as my bones and bruises mended and faded, but it wasn't entirely unbearable. Other than that, however, the people who kept me company were pleasant, and the stories we shared between us usually ended in laughter that hurt, but was worth it. I’m pretty sure Calikat lied about shagging one of the Elements of Harmony, but knowing Pinkie, I wouldn’t say it’s impossible. I never did find out.

After I got all of my crap packed, I slept through the night as best I could. That is to say, I slept like shit and I woke up hating everything. I had to get a wagon for my shit before we could even get out of Bonetown because I couldn’t carry it all, which was a little humiliating. However, I got to use the closest Bite-Back entrance to the Teleportation Station, so it wasn’t that bad. Maud was quiet during the short walk there, and so was I, even during the breaks we took so I could get my breath back. Neither of us had anything positive to say at the moment, but we both found each other’s presence comforting. While I wasn’t aware of what was on Maud’s heart, I figured I’d wait until we were somewhere we could have a seat to ask what was clouding her mind.

Getting to the Teleportation Station took a lot longer than it should have, courtesy of broken ribs and a horrible climate. Still, we made it there in time to get cleared to go to Equestria, miss the jump, and have to wait an hour for the next one. The full. Damn. Hour. I didn’t have any manner of painkiller to numb the ache that was building through our wait, and my last dose of Opus had only been a few hours before anyway, so there was little I could have done other than grip Maud’s hand where we stood and sweat it out. By the time we actually got to Equestria, I barely made it out of the Teleportation Station before being brought back inside by the on-duty medical staff that apparently worked there.

Maud, not knowing that most Equestrian Teleportation Stations also doubled as urgent care clinics, thought that the people chasing after us as she helped me along were trying to arrest us or something. Instead of killing them all, she waited for them to get near and ask if they could take me in for evaluation to do anything since someone had evidently reported a beat-up guy with a mare fitting Maud’s description. We had no problems with free healthcare, and they even got me transported to a proper hospital soon enough. Unfortunately there weren’t any doctors that were experts in ortho-something-or-other to mend my bones at the time we arrived, and due to institutional racism, I was in the waiting room for nearly four hours before anyone came to see me. Multiple patients with less severe injuries had been seen and sent along before I’d gotten a chance to have a doctor tell me that I was overreacting.

My girlfriend convinced him otherwise.

Through the art of ‘subtlety’, ‘poise’, and ‘mental-manipulation’, which are not my descriptors, Maud managed to persuade the fellow who’d casually dismissed my yellowed and purpling flesh after blanching at the sight of the wound to give me a closer look. After that, I got an ‘x-ray’ that apparently let the weird Ponies see inside of me just so they could tell me that I also had a fractured collarbone and that I could probably use a brace for my left wrist. All of the fuss that was raised after I was nearly sent off without a second glance was astounding, but then the Manehattan Guard showed up and demanded to arrest the guy who was threatening people for free healthcare. Maud, using her status as a Pony and nothing else, vouched for my innocence and proved it by showing them my Citizenship Ring. I was entitled to everything I was getting, so they left after apologizing for the bother in the first place, and I stayed doped up until we got on the train to Canterlot.

I slept through the ride to the capital like a babe, and it was no surprise to me that Maud was in a similar state when I woke up, her head on my shoulder as if it had always belonged there. A dull thump hit me in the heart and my lips curled into a small, genuine smile as I carefully reached for Maud’s ears, rubbing them in order to get some nuzzles out of her while she slept. It was cute, a little painful, and definitely worthwhile as I sat back in my seat and waited for the painkillers to wear off again so I could think a bit more clearly. So far, there was a happy medium where I could actually get a clear thought out past pain and potent potions, but I wasn’t quite at it yet.

There was a brief amount of time during the walk to Canterlot Castle that I was able to tug my wagon along freely, but Maud and I ended up in a carriage before we made it halfway to our destination, the trip being pretty awful for me in many ways. Getting into the castle was easier than most of the rest of the journey since I was recognized at the gates and was instructed to wait in one of the shacks so they could bring me something called a ‘wheelchair’. Once I could move around on flat ground without life sucking too hard, Maud wheeled me into the Court Hall at Celestia’s earliest convenience, which happened to be right after her morning lessons with my sister, apparently.

I met Celestia in the Court Hall, but she moved us to a sitting room and sent Maud off to go wait outside so she could ask, “Garrison, why are you here alone?”

The Solar Princess’ gaze was cool and collected, most likely in an attempt to stare me down and squeeze the truth out of me. I had no intention of lying in the first place. “Ladesa’s dead. Jayne, formerly known as Jay, now rules Minosia with Queen Hermione.”

Celestia sipped her tea and held it in her mouth long enough for my gaze to wander around the room I found myself in. It was lavish, of course, as one would expect of the Princess’ own home. However, I noticed that there was an awful lot of Guild Green around, and that the room was generally of a different color scheme than the usual one that persisted throughout what I’d seen of the castle. The thought that the place had been decorated with me specifically in mind was quick to appear and was backed by Celestia’s general tactics. She was trying to sweat me instead of just debrief me, and it was annoying.

“If you have something to say-” I started.

“Do you have anything to say about the massacre in the Ironclad Keep?” Celestia asked, her tone chilly.

“... Are you implying that I did that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her.

“Did you?”

“No.”

“Hmm. I’d thought it sounded too messy for someone of your disposition.”

“By far. No, the only reason I went into the keep in the first place was to get Ladesa back, as you may remember from my constant updates.” I sent enough of the damn things.

It was Celestia’s turn to give me a skeptical look. “You never sent a single report on any of your activities.”

I leaned forward as far as I comfortably could and asked, “... If you weren’t getting my messages, then who was?”

“... I would reason that there was more in play than we originally thought. I’ll delve into the matter as best I can, but for the time being, I’ll see to it that you get a more reliable means of sending messages,” she answered absently, already lost in thought.

“There are more matters we need to speak on.”

“Yes, you mentioned that Jay changed his name-”

“Her name.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Jayne is a woman. Jameson is dead.”

Celestia’s look of confusion was tempered by a sliver of hope. “I forgot, to be completely honest with you. That Jay was a woman now, that is.”

“Jayne, but yeah.” I explained.

“I’m sorry, can you start from the beginning of that particular tale?” Celestia asked.

“I can tell you what I know, but there’s little I can say on the preceding events, Celestia. Jayne told me that she royally fucked up and got tortured out of her body after trying to summon something to deal with the looming threat that is Lujei-”

“So he tried summoning a Demon to deal with one.” She ‘asked.’

“Essentially. As it turned out, Lujei was watching and didn’t like his plan, going so far as to kill the man he was studying under and one of said man’s vassals as well. I don’t know much more than that beyond the fact that Jayne’s losing her mind completely and she needs a strong foundation to see her through the trials ahead.”

“And she’s the reason that there have been riots in Minosia?”

“Eeyup. Queen Hermione-”

“Who is this Queen Hermione?” Celestia asked, sipping her drink.

“An Alicorn-”

She choked and subsequently cleared her through the power of poise. “I beg your pardon?” The Princess asked calmly, dabbing at her mouth with a hankie.

“An Alicorn, as in a tall Pony with a horn and wings, was King Herodotus’ Queen. Apparently she’s Undead.”

Celestia stared at me for a solid ten seconds before blinking. “Buck.”

“Yeah, don’t try to bully Minosia. It won’t end well for anyone involved.”

She gave me a flat look and went to refute my accusation before I met her with an even flatter look and folded my arms. “Alright, so I may have been intending to strongarm a relationship with an enemy out of the power-vacuum that came out of the mission, but can you honestly say-”

“That I wasn’t expecting it? Of course I was expecting it: I’ve profiled you down to a ‘T’. As it is, I’d like you or Luna to initiate diplomatic relations with Minosia by starting an argument with Jayne in a public place over some political matter. The more people that are around to see the disagreeance go down, the better.”

She raised a brow at me and scoffed. “And that would only serve to incense further clashes between the nations. Equestria would survive-”

“Maybe. Depending on who tries to take you down and how many people come around to help,” I answered sharply. “Look, Celestia: You’ve got the most enemies on the planet. There isn’t a soul in Minosia that likes you, and many of those souls come from other countries that also hate Equestria. Sparking an alliance after a personal conflict with Jayne would show that you both want for prosperity in both of your nations as well as give you a bloody ally.”

“You want me to ally myself and my nation with a Demon-Summoner and an Undead Alicorn? Garrison Varas, have you lost. Your. Mind?”

“I don’t give a shit what you want to do. This is something you need to do,” I spat harshly, making her expression grow dark. “You need to fake mean and make nice with the current Queens before the world unbalances further. We ourselves have just caused open riots in Minosia, which is going to cause an awful lot of trouble for Twilight’s partner. That’s not even mentioning the fact that we’ve had two planet-making beings start fiddling with whatever wherever for their own reasons.”

“Speak to me like-”

“I don’t care.”

Celestia pointed at me faster than I could move and a beam of pure light shot forth from her finger, but it never made it to my person. The one Alicorn I truly liked had finally shown her face, my attacker’s Magic getting cancelled by Kauku’s tail as it billowed in the ever-flowing breeze. I achingly rose to greet my greatest crush and offered her a much larger smile than the one she gave me. I didn’t mind that she seemed more amused than impressed since I just liked that she was around, and the kiss she placed on my temple was appreciated, especially since it eased my pains.

“I see you’re stirring things up,” Kauku said smoothly, her voice melting through my ears like butter in a hot skillet. “You know, Minosia was messy.”

My smile took a dip to the point where it faded completely when I realized her expression wasn’t changing. “... You can’t expect me to remember my tactics from a thousand years ago. I used to be an assassin. I’m a hunter now.”

“Paltry excuses,” she said as she stroked my cheek, “that amount to dozens upon dozens of your allies dead as well as one of the strongest tools in your arsenal. You barely passed the first trial.”

My gaze slid down her form and settled on the floor, the weight of the shame on my shoulder transitioning back from anger into its original form. “... I did what I thought was best.”

“And you cost yourself plenty,” Kauku said airily, sighing as she turned to Celestia. “Garrison will still receive the full reward for slaying Herodotus, and you’ll be sending Jayne a peace offering before asking Twilight to be your Ambassador.” The Princess’ jaw hung open as Kauku carried on. “Try to defy me and I’ll have a few particularly nasty beasts visit her, and then I’ll personally invade your body and make you order her to leave the country before her mind is healed.”

Celestia spoke in ellipses.

“Furthermore, are you listening Garrison?” Kauku looked over her shoulder before turning slightly so she could face me more easily. “If you fail a trial, your soul will be cast out. There is no reason for you to be dredging the pages of your own story in the blood of your friends.”

I nodded, unable to meet her gaze. “... Yes, Mistress. I understand.”

“Thank you for being polite enough to respond.” She took a step toward me and tilted my chin up, trying to get me to look her in the eye. I couldn’t muster the courage, but her Magic took me over and brought my line of sight around to meet hers. “You know, you should have been able to kill Herodotus alone, yet you didn’t. You should’ve been able to kill Odysseus for good more easily, but your hunt took hours. You are proving to be a disappointment, Garrison.”

“I-I’m… I’m sorry,” I uttered.

“For what?” She asked lightly.

“... For disappointing you.”

She smirked and patted my cheek. “You’re not disappointing me yet, Garrison. You have time to improve on your performance before I send you to Serpest.”

My resolve tried to harden to the best of its ability as I asked, “What will it take to make you proud?”

“... Hmm…” Kauku considered it for awhile, tapping her chin with a finger. “If you manage to lose the right person, then I’ll be proud.”

“... What?”

“You’ll know eventually~” She sang, her voice brightening and sounding just like Twilight for a moment.

“I-Is there anything I can ask about the next mission?”

She held up an envelope and passed it to me, an odd symbol stamped onto the front in intricate waxwork. “It’s mostly detailed in here. Don’t worry; you shouldn’t have to kill anyone, so just don’t choose unwisely.”

“... That’s not foreboding at all.” I murmured softly.

Kauku passed me the envelope and shrugged. “Well, considering that if you fail it’s going to mean an eternity in a Hell that you can’t fuck your way out of, I’d say you have good reason to be worried. I’m not Max. I don’t punish everyone for one person’s mistakes. I punish one person for everyone’s mistakes, or rather, I make bad people take on better people’s sins.” Her smile chilled my blood, made my bones vibrate. “You’re not exactly a good person, you know. Max thought you had the right stuff to take his place, and he wasn’t quite wrong, but he levied a lot of his meager hopes on you. Prove to be worthy of his faith and I’ll take off some of your time in Hell. Fail my husband and you’ll get his time in Hell, his other wife’s, and some odd years that I’ve been saving up just for a special occasion.”

So not my favourite. So. So very not my favourite. “... O-O-Okay.” I managed.

She patted my cheek and smiled. “Don’t worry! What happens happens, you know?”

“... Y-Yeah.”

Kauku kissed the tips of her fingers and placed them on my lips, the warmth that radiated from the contact doing me no favours in calming down. If anything, it just made me feel like she’d harpooned me and was keeping the rope grasped tightly so I wouldn’t get too far away. “I didn’t used to be like this.”

I blinked. “... What?”

Her smile deepened and her eyes filled with black tears, her voice warbling between an old Crone, a young woman, and the voice I knew from her. “I didn’t used to be like this. I used to be nice and sweet. I used to be loving and kind. Give me your Aetera and we can wipe the slate clean.”

I tried to take a step back, but I fell into the chair I had barely moved away from in the first place. My heart started pounding as Kauku leaned down, placing her arms on either side of my head while her tears started falling down her cheeks. “K-Kauku?”

The rivulets of liquid onyx coalesced on the tip of her chin before dripping down to burn straight through my leg. I barely even had time to register that it had left my leg feeling a little hot before the limb was overcome with the feeling of what I assume to be exploding from the inside out. Unlike how one would expect, the pain was so great that I couldn’t feel it in the moment. My leg simply went from existing on my body to being a nonmoving object that was attached to me in the span of a blink. When the second tear hit my leg, I recognized the damage that was being done and tried to move, but I was frozen. Then, just as quickly as I’d lost the usage of my leg, it came right back. The sensation of pins and needles driving themselves deep into my muscles was unpleasant. Rather lime-sucking, actually. Before I could scream, Kauku shoved a bit in my mouth for me to bite down on, and bite I did.

While I did my best to make my mouth hurt as much as my leg, Kauku dripped another pair of toxic, impossibly caustic tears onto my other leg before she grabbed my hands and used them to clear her face. Nearly half of both thumbs melted against her fur and turned into gas-

{Sublimated. They practically sublimated against her fur.}

Sure. I saw bone on my ruined hands when Kauku let me have them back, her voice still trying to decide which age she actually was. “I remember when I had friends. When I had a family. I remember when I wouldn’t be taking this all out on you.”

If I could’ve said anything, it would’ve been something along the lines of some mad babbling. I’d rather have been eaten a few more times than sit through the relatively brief time it took for the Empress’ raw negative emotion to sink into my bones and start changing me. I couldn’t voice my concerns because I didn’t actually have any other than making the pain stop at the time; so lost in the moment that it didn’t matter when Kauku gave her attention to Celestia for a few moments before returning to tell me why she was making life worth dying for. The blackness I hadn’t noticed through the agony began to fade from my vision and the tears stopped flooding from my face as I breathed for the first time in what felt like eons. Kauku’s smile greeted me when my body relaxed and I realized something:

My back felt funny.

“Well? How does your punishment feel?” Kauku asked, her voice normal.

I closed my eyes and just let the relief that was coming in waves calm the ache that existed in me as Celestia said, “What in Tartarus…”

The Empress tapped my nose, making my heart flub a beat. “Think of it as a backhanded compliment in corporeal form.”

My arms felt like lead as I tried to hold up my hands, but my body wouldn’t cooperate with me. “Why?”

“Because I’m not me anymore.” She patted my cheek and disappeared, leaving me to slump over on the sofa.

I passed the fuck out, feeling drained of all energy and motivation to do anything other than try and forget the teaspoon of Kauku’s wrath that I’d been forced to swallow. My dreams collided with memories and made unholy abominations that were nonsensical to say the least, but coming to wasn’t that rough, all things considered. However, when I sat up from the cold stone floor I currently resided on, I saw that I wasn’t in the sitting room anymore. No, I seemed to be in a cell of some kind with solid white bars on one wall and no window. The walls were all grey and faded, the odd streaks of blood long dried occasionally coloring a patch of bricks, giving the place a feeling of desolation. Madness lurked in the cell, but even as I tried to process what had happened after I’d started falling to the side, I couldn’t piece together just what the bloody fuck had happened.

Then I saw my hands.

From the tips of my claws up to my elbows, my arms were blackened and gnarled, though I could feel everything just fine. My... Flesh(?) bore the weight of my claws with no problem, but my normal flesh parted all too easily at the acuminated tips of the appendages. My blood caught my attention before I could fully examine my arms, and the nearly oil-like quality of the fluid made me worry. It didn’t look right, feel right, smell right, or taste right, and that worried me more than being in a cell. My blood felt like some manner of fat, smelled like charcoal, and tasted like ashes and carob rather than being coppery like normal. It took me a moment to get over that and actually muster up the courage to look over my shoulder at the thing that shouldn’t have been there, but when I turned away out of shock, I saw that the one wall that was bare had turned into a mirror. The… Things on my back… A pelagic Cormorant came to mind with the greenish sheen they had since I’d never known of a black opal. The other colors that were represented near the tips in different layers were mostly just shades green or greenish-blue that probably came across in different hues due to the lightening of the feathers from top to bottom, but the damn colour of the plumage wasn’t what ate me up.

I sat on my knees and stared at myself, twitching along with the things. I tried to move the left one, to maneuver it in some way so that it would fall off (With luck, that is), but I could only manage to stretch them both at the same time, the tips of my wings furling against the sides of the room. They truly were massive, but even as I tried to process the fact that I was some sort of Dæmon, more hard truths came to light. My eyes met themselves in the mirror and I saw slitted pupils from where I knelt, my green eyes having gone to an unfortunately not-green kind of color. For a moment I wondered why the fuck my eyes were suddenly blue when I realized that it looked as though burgundy blood was spreading underneath my skin, looking rather worrisome when I’d have rather not have been worried.

After a few breaths to ignore what I was feeling, I realized that I wasn’t just having a horribly bad dream after all. My wings locked in place while I stared at myself for a good while before they decided to fold on their own, feeling considerably more like a rucksack after they did. I could still see them over my shoulders, and my hands were still claws, so I decided to see if I could use my fingers to cut myself out of my cell. I couldn’t get through the white material, but there was nothing else to do in the cell other than sit on the floor since there was no chamber pot or any manner of bedding. When I started to get a little chilly, my wings saw it fit to wrap themselves around me, which was actually kind of cozy. My feathers were actually a little coarse to the touch, but they were warm.

When Luna came to visit, I was sure to give her a smirk that I wasn’t honestly feeling for the sake of bravado. “Has my heroine come to save me, or are you going to give killing me a good go?”

“So thou hast awoken. This is good news, though thine form…” Luna stroked her chin, ignoring my words for what they were.

“Yeah, how do we turn me back and where is Maud?” I asked, stroking the inside of my wings.

She gave me a look. “Art thou touching thineself?”

“Technically? Yes. Conventionally? No. I’m feeling my feathers.”

“So thou art touching thineself. Stop.”

I let my hands rest on the tops of the things and rested my chin on them. “Why did Kauku turn me into a Dæmon?”

“According to Celestia, it was a result of thine punishment, though I fail to see how giving you wings and claws was a punishment. As for thine lover, since thou hast not brought her up again, was instructed to return to her home in Jolly Junction.”

“Getting the wings and claws hurt,” I grunted, filing the information about Maud away for later. “How do I turn back?”

“By going to Serpest and meeting with the Queen,” Luna said gravely. “She shall have a task for thee, though there has been no word as to what the task may be. Celestia has already arranged for you to take a Ranger with you as a partner.”

“Lovely. How long do I have before I have to go to that?”

“Life moves at thine own pace for the time being. No deadline was given for thine assignment.”

“So get it done as soon as I feel like it. Got it.” I nodded and got off of the floor, standing and stretching along with my wings. They stretched as I did, eliciting a blush from Luna when my the tips and a little more extended out of the room and through the cell doors. I didn’t understand why, but I did know that I was grateful for my wings folding when they did. “Can you let me out of here?”

She raised a brow. “The door is unlocked.”

“Oh.”

“This room is only warded against the evil and those with violent intentions. If thou art of sound mind, thou should be able to leave of thine own volition.” She stepped out of the way as I pushed the door open. “Voila.”

“Interesting. I figured you would have been leading me into a trap of some kind.” I said noncommittally.

“Wrong sister.” Luna huffed.

“I see. Say, Luna?”

“Yes?”

“Would you consider us to be like-minded individuals?”

“To a certain point, yes.”

“Would you mind assisting me with something?”

“That would depend on thine task, we suppose.”

“I want you to convince Celestia to start an argument with Jayne whenever she can, and I want you to be the one to ‘mediate’ if you catch my drift.”

Luna tilted her head at me. “... An interesting ploy. What doth thou get from this?”

“It’ll eventually go into cementing the relationship of Equestrian and Minosia into being something resembling an alliance. Neither country has many friends, and it wouldn’t hurt for a little love to be shared.”

“Again, what doth thou have to gain from this?”

“Freedom to move between both countries at a moments notice and the ability to maintain allies in both nations.” I answered honestly.

“A worthy endeavor, if I may weigh in. I would like that thine resources be available to me for a task of my own in the future, should I hold my end of the bargain.”

“Of course, though I must warn you about making deals with Dæmons.” I smirked at her.

She folded her arms. “Hmph. So you say.”

I looked around the hall because there was nothing else to do. “How do we leave?”

“Follow us and we shall show thee the way.” Luna announced, taking off at speed.

Following along, I took stock of the fact that my body only ached with chills rather than with the pain of broken bones, thankful for the trade. It was welcome to say the least, though I eventually got tired of walking anyway and decided to float along next to Luna, my magic coming to me even more naturally than it usually did. It was a no-brainer for me to see that my form enhanced my Mana manipulation, or rather, the speed of it more than the raw power. I also couldn’t feel any change in the depth of the pool, but that was about all I could tell. From watching and talking to Luna, I could tell that she was interested in something about me, though I couldn’t quite decipher what it might have been other than my wings.

Then I remembered that I was currently on a long, drawn out mission to save the world and it got to be a lot more obvious.

A few minutes into our walk, I started asking Luna about herself; just some ‘getting to know you’ type things and whatnot. She responded positively by keeping the conversation flowing and fun with little secrets that only she was privy to while I tried to keep her entertained with some of my more memorable tales. The Lunar Princess responded much more readily to my bloodier tales, though when I asked about her thirst for violence, she mentioned that fights used to be public for the sake of entertainment and keeping the populace content. The idea of reinstating some sort of dueling system had passed through her lips multiple times over the years she’d been back, and I didn’t doubt the veracity behind her words for a single second.

During my long walk with Luna, I felt as though I found an apt image of her character amidst her stories and sidetracking. While the woman was distrusting of people at first glance, she appreciated the frank honesty I presented when I felt the need to throw the facts onto the table and the subtle maneuvering I did when I didn’t want to show my whole hand. Whereas I admired her diplomatic prowess and negotiating ability, she admired my appraisal skills and similar tactics when it came to fighting. She was more fond of the hunt rather than the battle, though she actually got some joy out of besting an opponent on whatever battleground she might have been fighting on. In other words, Luna was a long-winded, skeptical, brutally honest, sometimes sneaky, ultra competitive Warrior Princess with a big stick that she couldn’t wait to bash against someone’s hide for the sake of getting her blood pumping again.

We made a deal to eventually go hunt a Lizagator with bows whenever we both had the spare time. She mentioned that she only ever got a couple of cases over the night that generally amounted to casual racism from dumb fools in the first place, so no one would be missing much if she told her steward to disregard the stupid deliberations. As it turned out, Lizagator was supposed to taste like chicken, but I wanted to fry it and Luna wanted to make a chowder. We agreed to hurry up and get our meat so we wouldn’t come up with even more complicated methods to cook our food before we actually managed to get it, just in case life disappointed us.

Once we got to a certain room that seemed a little familiar, Luna stuttered on an invisible step and moved along without doing anything to indicate that she’d nearly stopped. “Something on your mind?”

She glanced at me and carried on. “Defying our sister will have consequences. Thou are not the only one subject to her will,” Luna said softly.

I raised a brow. “Would you happen to know of any other Power-Players under her thumb that would rather not be?”

Luna’s forehead-jewel thing lit up for a moment and flashed. “We can get thee a list of names to contact for the day ahead. It’s nearly dawn as of right now, and Celestia is asleep. If thou wouldst begin at sunset, we can ward thee from her vision until the end of nightfall. Our plan to go hunting will serve as our cover.”

I passed her a sidelong glance. “... Luna?”

“Yes?”

“Would you be interested in a partnership of sorts?”

“Why, we were just wondering if thee were in a low enough place to become a worthy friend.” She responded a touch playfully.

I touched her shoulder with a fist. “I think this will be the beginning of a very fruitful friendship.”

“We should most likely still insist that we dislike each other outside of the public eye.”

“I’ll default to your wisdom on the matter. I’ll be sure to act as a secret admirer whenever I want to send you gifts.”

Her cheeks visibly reddened at my words, though her smile was more smug or smarmy than anything else. “Oh? Thou would forsake thine lover so easily?”

“Forsake her? No, not quite. I like to give my friends gifts.”

“Were we mistaken to assume that there was more than the bonds of alliance between us?”

“Not quite, but Maud would have to approve of you before anything were to evolve beyond friendship. I’m less interested in having you as an enemy than as a close friend, though.”

She leveled a cool look at me, more entertained than anything. “We suppose a Princess is always going to want what she can’t have. We look forward to working with thee, Garrison Varas.”

“Likewise, Your Grace.”

Luna gave me a minute smile. “It seems patronizing when those words escape thine lips.”

“It’s truly not meant to sound like that, it’s just that I have diplomatic immunity.” I grinned like a shark after a seal.

She passed me a look. “Did Jayne give unto thee a position in her Court?”

“Spymaster~”

“Bully for thee,” Luna huffed.

“Oh, are we jealous that someone else got first dibs?” I asked, actually trying to be a bit condescending.

She rolled her eyes. “Please. There are more capable men in our ranks as they are. Thine place would be little more than as a smart-mouthed pet.”

“Sounds like a comfortable retirement to me,” I snorted.

“Remember that there is no rest for the wicked.”

I felt my bare chest and tried not to cut myself. “There also aren’t any shirts for us eith-” My wings wrapped around me. “Never mind.”

Luna casually reached out and plucked one of my feathers, but it didn’t really hurt. I imagined that it would be unpleasant if someone grabbed a fistful. As I thought about lemons and how they sucked, she tried tickling me with my own feather. It didn’t work well for her, and she wouldn’t let me have one of her feathers in turn, saying that hers were more valuable than mine since hers were prettier and softer. I argued that my wings were more interesting because of their iridescence before the one closest to Luna flapped itself and whapped her off of her hooves, ending the argument in my favor. She had a couple of my downy feathers in her mouth, but I figured that she would live with it and get up on her own time.

My inattentiveness and flippant treatment got me a swift hoof to the butt, though my arse cheek was fine after a few paces to walk it off. Luna caught up while my wing was wrapping itself back around me. “Thou art a crow.”

“Well, I’ve got crow feathers.” I commented.

“Thou couldst not offer thine assistance?”

“I think my claws would do your hands few favours.” I held them up.

She gave me a look and tried whapping me with her wing, but it had considerably less effect than mine. It was probably because one of my wings had the surface area of both of hers, but semantics. I plucked one of her feathers for myself and earned myself a mouthful for my efforts. “Thine arm still serves its purpose.”

“It’s for lifting valuables-”

“Is a Princess not most valuable?”

“Royal blood spills all the same.” I replied drily.

She folded her wings completely and huffed. “True, though thee would do well to remember thine tongue and where it wags. Speaking treason-”

“Diplomatic immunity.”

“Curses.”

I used Luna’s feather to tickle my chin before smelling it. “Hmm? Curious…”

She gave me an odd look, her face pinkening when she saw that I was effectively smelling her. “What art thou doing with our feather?”

“It smells of blueberry candies.” I said, making a pleased face. “What does my feather smell of?”

She glanced ahead of her to check that her path was clear and gave my feather a sniff. “Charred peppers…. Curious indeed.”

“I find it odd that Ponies smell like food to Humans and Humans smell like food to Ponies.”

“Keep thine tongue to thineself.”

“I’ll give it to someone who will appreciate it, thank you very much.” I grunted in turn.

As we continued walking and flirting with barbs attached, I became increasingly aware of the feeling of being watched, something that Luna warned me of just before the feeling solidified. Apparently she was going to catch an earful for not doing something Celestia wanted her to do, although she said it with a smile and a devious glint to her eye. I found that Luna’s mean streak seemed to fall well in line with my own, being more subtle and insidious than most people’s would be. We were both plotters; schemers that weren’t afraid to get our own hands dirty in our plans when we wanted them to be done right, and done damn right at that. When Luna left me with one last parting piece of wisdom, I was a little more sure that I’d found a worthy ally and a cunning companion.

When Luna almost dropped me off in the castle Gardens, she said, “There are snakes in every patch of tall grass and hanging from every tree here in Canterlot. Thou would do well to watch thine step.”

I nodded solemnly, our conversation having shifted from how Aria was currently doing to the dangers of Equestria. “You don’t need to remind me, though the thought is appreciated.”

She nodded in turn, leading me to the edge of the Gardens to look over the mountain before saying anything else. “... Garrison.”

“My attention is yours.”

“... We were right to leave thee in Minosia, if we may say such a thing.”

“Would you take it back if I said it hurt my feelings?”

“No.”

“I thought not. What else is on your mind?”

“... Thine path… In part it was decided by not just thineself, but by our- my own hand. In leaving you in Minosia, I believe I was the first fork in the road Max the Creator cobbled for you. For this, I do not know whether to ask forgiveness or to ask a favour.”

I looked at Luna as she stared off into the Wild Blue Yonder, taking in and digesting what she’d said for a moment. It was quite true that I could lay the blame for my initial suffering in Minosia on her, but in the same vein, I could also thank her for every little blessing I had at the moment. It took a few minutes for me to end my deliberation, but the verdict was still flaky at best. There was nothing I wanted nothing more than to let Luna know that I was mildly annoyed that she’d been the reason I’d been under Odysseus’ thumb, but then again, if she hadn’t left me to die, he would still be terrorizing Bite-Back Minosia and abusing the Xysmas as he saw fit.

“... I don’t care,” I answered with finality. She turned to me, a certain confusion in her eye that made me wonder about her.

“... What doth thou mean?”

“Fate is Fate. This life is destined to conclude as all have begun. Every event is meant to happen. Most of them will flow as water, some will take the tides. All will come to pass.”

“We believe we could debate that topic, but it would be for little other than conversation."

I looked out to the lightening horizon. “... My time is my own for now, is it not?”

We waited for a moment, pausing for an interruption that never came. “We believe we may make the assumption.”

“Then have at thee, ye olde Crone!” I barked.

She applied her wing to my face via fwapping. “Be silent. If we were a dour grandmother, thou would be a shady uncle.”

“At least I’m not incestuous.” Careful wasn’t even close to the word for how I moved her wing from my face. After all, one wrong move with the claws and she could be grounded for a some time.

Luna rolled her eyes. “T’were thine words sincere, we might find offense.”

“If you weren’t only interested in me because your sister said I was a naughty boy, I might need to make up an analogy fast and say it before I end this sentence. Damn.”

As intended, the beauty that both wore blue and was blue burst out into snorts and giggles, silencing herself as best she could while looking away from me. “Sussed out so easily and with a firm reminder of your level of idiocy! Dear Moon above, art thou just guessing at life?”

My brows furrowed and I thought about that way too hard. “... Is that not normal?”

The look on her face was bewildering.

I sat on the modified throne, having spent a couple of days learning a bunch of bullshit in one of Hermione’s pocket dimensions. I’d had to learn a lot about Minosian history, legal precedent, ceremonial bullshit, political tides, noble families: The Works. It was all ridiculous and equally boring, but then life got even more boring during the first day of my official reign. My first act was to address the concerns from other ruling parties about some riots that were being squashed around the country, and my second act was to announce that Hermione would remain as Queen in the same sense as she’d been before.

As for the sacrament that we’d been handling before, it had gone off without a hitch and I was now a Yokai instead of being some other thing that was actually dead. The red eyes were a little much, and the general feeling of constantly being warm kinda sucked, but at least I got a few cool powers out of it. Apparently I could now summon Tartaric Demons as long as they had less Magic than me, and my blood was incredibly potent now seeing as how it was both pure and corrupted. Both were boons that came at the cost of little fucking horns coming out of my bangs that pissed me off constantly. They made brushing my hair a pain in the ass, and they just looked out of place on me. It didn’t really help that I was as pale as Lujei now and looked pretty evil, but apparently I was just cuter than I was before.

It pissed me off. Not as much as the tiny vestigial wings, but still.

Or the tail the tail for that matter.

Fuck tails.

With my ears being pointed and my hair being a little brighter, I looked less Human and more demonic than I did when I was a guy, though it had its perks. The women of the castle were more friendly toward me since I apparently looked like a Dryad during the fall rather than a strange, alien creature they’d never seen before. The men were still wary of me for the most part, though many stayed stoic and showed me nothing but courtesy whenever I addressed them. My appearance change had helped me along in getting accepted into the ranks of the castle itself, and the shows of strength and pure instinct didn’t hurt in getting my conspirators to shut down the operations for a little bit.

Hermione offered to sit with me through my first day of Court, but I didn’t particularly need her to be there or anything. I was actually in the mood for some quiet condescension and political maneuvering since the sociopath in me was snapping at the bit, ripping the reigns in twain and barely keeping the carriage on the road. Shit was brutal, and my first few cases were ended in less that three sentences apiece. The first case was a land dispute. All I needed to say on that was ‘Why haven’t you had a surveyor examine the deeds and see who owns what?’. It was painfully simple to solve that problem, and since I said it in a nice way, I got blushes from both of the older Bulls.

That pissed me off. Not as much as the creepy grins, but still.

After that case, the Cow and Tom that came in over a larceny dispute got a quick tongue-lashing that was over within the three-sentence limit. The Cat stole the thing, so I made his ass go to jail since he couldn’t pay for the thing and wasn’t willing to work off his debt. The cow got compensated on Cat-Guy’s behalf, and Cat-Guy was going to be trying his hand at carpentry in the future to pay the nation back. All was going good until some dumbass noble brought in a case against a peasant, though there was a saving grace in the matter that happened to be the peasant’s status as a Minotaur. I set a certain precedent for being more fair than Herodotus by ruling against the nobility, but it was necessary to prove that I wasn’t beating meat in lieu of getting on with changing things.

I didn’t get pissed off. It was nice.

I’d taken my first three appointments back to back since I could, which gave me half an hour to see into the world at large and be a cheating cunt in the worst of ways. In essence, I used Super-Sanity to dive into Celestia’s past, fragmented my consciousness because I’ll get to it and sought out the current world leaders before diving into their pasts. The Info Clerk at the Stream of All Things Known traded what I wanted for a few dozen years at a very reasonable price for once. I only had to give up a legit limited edition copy of Christ Jewman: The Shekel-Heckle Hustle on CVE (Creme and Viscous-Ectoplasm), which I had tons of. I found them all in Yesu’s trash can when I visited the Universal Dump. Yeah, a few on the top were a little smited, but the guy was funny in his prime. No reason to ruin some of his best work.

Anyway, the reason I was able to hustle so fucking hard was because the clerk thought Mari looked like the right kind of submissive and I looked like I was abusing her, apparently. I mean, I don’t know how he told us apart since Siamese ain’t the word, but it got us a great discount and a decent rebate on top of that. Mari got foundation and concealer while I got a belt and a young branch as thick as my thumb and as long as my arm.

[Stop chuckling. Asshole.]

{Well we know Jayne wasn’t abusing her, so why is it not funny?}

Right?

[You’re both going to Hell.]

{And you’re not?}

[Nnnope! Amelemme will take me in!}

After you go to Hell. It’s literally been stated multiple times between your Uncle and I that everything goes to Hell. You’re going to Heeelll.

[Sh-Shut up and tell the story!]

Heh. Sure. With our gifts from the clerk in hand, I still had to splinter my mind into a few different pieces to cover King Heinrich of Grydrien, Queen Bast of The Great Sands, High ‘King’ Azyre, and Reigning Supreme Ynuntu of Serpest. That was like walking over a cake that was made of concrete that had been ribbed for your strolling pleasure, except the cake was an escalator with padded steps and a minibar that had some Zap Applejack in ornate glass bottles. Free of charge, of course. I ‘drank’ my information and let the tides of hundreds upon dozens of years wash over my feet since Mari accidentally found out how to disentangle our souls while remaining in the same ‘pocket’, so to speak, due to the fact that I was barely a presence in the abomination anymore. My fragmentation did mean that I risked losing a part of myself to the ebbs and flows of sanity, but that wasn’t really a concern. I was beyond caring because I just was.

With my mind between the current rulers of Equis, I took the couple of shards that were still with Mari and had her hold onto one. She ate it, like a fucking bitch I might add, but it was all good in the end. The fragments in the piece of garbage that was Mari Jayne were officially small enough for her to push herself away from them and leave my primary Aspect as my original body, but back when I was like, thirteen. I didn’t know how Mari treated that form while I was doing my research because I didn’t give a shit about it and figured that she’d get something out of having someone around that didn’t hate her. I didn’t care that I was technically me again because I still couldn’t muster the proper image to change Mari’s body into a guy, then into a different race, different Clan, and subsequently make the bodily adjustments to be me again.

To explain, the Yokai in me ate a lot of my emotions, but it’s not because it was ‘Demon Form’ edgy bullshit. It didn’t do anything other than level me out, and that should have made me incredibly depressed because it meant that without someone around to make me give a damn, someone who I genuinely thought cared, I was a prick. Pretty much fifty percent ‘Leave me alone before I summon a demon, Demon, or ghost of some kind to make you regret your decisions in life.’ and fifty percent ‘Why are you not doing things the most optimal way to save time, energy, and resources?’. In other words, becoming a Yokai and having Mari separate herself from me made me more Jameson, but less Jay.

{You’re going to have to explain.}

… It essentially meant that the worst parts of who I was were surfacing all over again, and life was yet another game. I had a hand full of cards and a deck beside me, and I was waiting for any fool to come and try to pit their cards against mine. To a point, I was so confident, or rather, so apathetically inclined that it was basically arrogance, that I was willing to play fucking Pokemon against Hearthstone or some shit, just to prove that I didn't give a fuck about the rules.

[That doesn’t make any sense…]

I was insane.

{The Reign of The Mad Queen.}

Eeyup.

[So that’s why you’ve been rambling about being crazy and uncaring! I thought you were just complaining.]

No, it was exposition for the reasoning behind the rest of my cases in the day, and the edicts I made in between. Most of my cases were between Minotaurs, so I just had to make decisions that I felt were adequate for the situations. Thus, I instituted a copyright and patent system that I had sorted out in two breaks, bureaucratic positioning and paperwork numbering all included. After that, some dumbass gave me a really good reason to both arrest him and the entirety of his male family while simultaneously establishing seventeen as the age of consent as well as the legal age of marriage in Minosia. That caused outrage within the ranks of the nobles since a lot of them were pedophiles, which meant a good number of them invoked Duel Rights to come and challenge me for the right to nail minor Minotaurs.

I didn't lose once in thirteen matches, and some of those were against Cows.

Which is how I ended up with twenty-eight Wards of the State living in the castle, worshipping the ground I walked on. They also called me Mommy, but-

[Awww!]

{Oh…}

Yeah. For the first week of my reign, I had all of them doing their damndest to impress me, no matter how many times I told the little shits I literally couldn’t have cared less, but they still adored me.

[... I really wanna hurt you for saying that.]

It’s not like I just got done saying that I was a sociopath or anything, but I’ll go ahead and make you feel a little bit better by saying that after the first week, I started seeing them as annoying little brothers and sisters than as kids who wanted me to be their parent, which made me not stare at them silently when they talked to me.

[It must have been so awful for those poor calves… To be molested and then to have you just…]

{Tch. Ask your mother; she’ll agree that they had it good, regardless of how Jayne felt about them at any given moment.}

Right? Anyway, I need to get back on track and finish my first couple of days as ruler before I start getting deeper into this shit. Y’all sidetrackin’ a sista.

[Then tell your story. Butthole.]

Okay. So most of my cases in my first couple of days as Queen were simple enough to solve, but I wanted to make my mark on the world, so I started giving stupid and unusual punishments to people who wasted my time, which I determined by using a fifteen-minute hourglass and my own standards. If someone took more than fifteen minutes to explain something generally simple, then I gave them a dumb task that they were legally obligated to do. The shit generally ranged from bringing me a swan-shaped cake to finding, purchasing, and wearing a chicken hat back to the castle for the sake of my amusement. It was complete bullshit, but I was cute enough to get away with it, which kinda pissed me off.

As I learned from Midas, whom happened to be one of my most steadfast and honorable Cabinet Dudebros, I was ‘Downright atrociously, unforgivably adorable in the most Fae-Tale manner.’. He didn’t tell me that until my first week as Queen was over and I was taking the ninth day of the week as a day of rest. It was actually a conversation between Midas, Theseus, Persephone (my new Minister of Agriculture), Helio Centra (my main Mare in the Weather Division), Jorr (the feline half of my new Military Strategy Team. Sounds like ‘yore’), and Leonidas (the bovine half of the MST). All of them agreed that I was undeniably cute and the ones I actually liked were the ones who were brave enough to tease me over it.

Jorr, Ligre and Midas were relentless with their ‘compliments’ that they meant, but didn't put any real ‘meaning’ behind, if you catch my drift. Persephone was a kind Cow with a good head on her shoulders, but even she joined in eventually and laid into me with good intent. Leonidas didn’t like me enough to risk saying anything since it would probably come out wrong, but he did admit that he respected my disdain toward my own beauty in favor of trying to prove myself through my own abilities. Centra was just happy to laugh along and that ditzy bitch wanted to make me cute, but Theseus talked her down because the guy was afraid of me and didn’t want her to disappear. He and Midas were the only ones who truly knew that I would wipe my Cabinet clean all over again and start from scratch if I had to, but Midas was willing to let the foolish be foolish. Theseus, however, wanted the only woman he’d been allowed to recruit to live so I wouldn’t cull him for being a useless annoyance as well. Everyone in my Cabinet knew that I hated being a woman, being called cute, useless things, and feminization. Everyone in my Cabinet knew that Centra ticked off every box whenever she came around, thus the woman had few friends.

Anyway, during the conversation I was having with the available members of my inner circle, I also learned that my image in Minosia had improved literally overnight as it became common knowledge throughout the world that Herodotus had cursed the residents of Grey Grotto to never leave, as well as to be buried underneath the city so their Animas could fuel his Magicks. Once it was known that I was the ‘Queen of Brutality and Righteousness’, the notes I sent out to the rulers I’d spied on got responses and I had quite a few Ambassadors coming within the next few weeks. Confirmation of my character from Garrison’s Guildees got me more love in the streets of Minosia than sucking dick on the daily ever could have, and increasing funding for orphanages as well as introducing new management to the ones with bad track records made my public image shine just a little bit brighter. Once I started cutting the military budget and funding public education using hospitals and orphanages as temporary buildings, I pissed a lot of people off. However, by decriminalizing trade with Tartaric nations, promising to negotiate with Draconia, and throwing Celestia passable terms on some baby-step level connections, I made it clear that I was taking Minosia in a completely different direction, and I had gifts of all sorts flowing in by the hour. I mean, I got a shitton of hate mail too, and more death threats than you could shake your favorite stick at, but I didn’t actually get to read or see many of the belligerent fools who thought I was trying to turn their country into a soyboi’s paradise. To the contrary, I instructed my Minister of Infrastructure, Epeius, to start levying taxes for arenas to be built in every major town in the country so fighting would be a nationwide sport.

Of course I had to explain and inform the population that I wanted to see as many different fighting styles and weapons in the arenas as there possibly could be, which actually went over super well for the most part. My Public Relations Minister, Helen, was all too happy to let me know about every little census she drew and every little study she compiled since Herodotus had never cared, but I was thankful for her metaphorical finger on the pulse of Minosian society. With an ear to the floor on all the gossip that was going on both within and without the castle walls, I was easily one of the most informed rulers in the Eastern Hemisphere about whichever zeitgeist was passing its fancy at the moment.

{You know you’re officially ahead of where I left off, right?}

[Yeah, you’re really just skimming over the most important time in your life.]

{And where the Hell was Hermione?}

Ugh. Fine. You woke up on the fourth day of me being Queen, right?

{I think so.}

Alright… Um… Okay, fuckin’ look. This shit is boring as Hell and political as fuck. Between my constant meetings with high-standing nobles and visiting foreign dignitaries, I was pretty much just spending my time talking and trying to avoid talking to people who weren’t going to benefit me.

[Whatever. We’ll pick up with Uncle Gary next time, so you’d better be ready to tell your part of the story right!]

Gotcha.

… What the fuck? What is this?

My heart froze. I was standing in the middle of Heaven Central, and I felt it. The Nova. The cracking of the black plum. The memories that Max had protected me from for so long: The Parallel Subsets that I wasn’t a Favoured in. The Parallels where I was a lesbian because I remembered getting raped by my Dad and never trusted Max. The Parallels where Max never tried to become a better person, where he kept being a thief. The Parallels where Celestia sent Max to his house instead of mine, never giving him the chance to break down the walls around his heart on his own, never letting us grow as close as we did. The Parallels where Discord just killed Max and made sure he stayed dead. The Parallels where Discord raped and killed me in front of Max. The Parallels where Max never went to The Heavens to save Noir, leaving Brume to do whatever she wanted. The Parallels where we never held True Love for each other.

… There were just so many things…

As old as I was and am, I didn’t let the decatillions upon bazillions of rapes, torture sessions, and deaths cause more than a single tear to slide down my face, but this one was white instead of black. Someone had found out about Max breaking the rules and had slapped me for his transgression since he’d done it for my benefit, but that wasn’t what made my heart freeze. That wasn’t necessarily what made me want to give up and Supernova the Entire first hundred Universes. No. Not quite.

“... Madam?” An elder God named Solfrei asked.

I shifted to face him, my gaze cold, my body shaking. “What.”

“... He’s-”

I raised my hand and he flinched. “I dare you.”

“... You broke the rules, Madam.” He rubbed his arm. The only reason Solfrei even managed to stand in my presence was because of his nature as a Two-Hundred-Series God, his mind being advanced enough to divert the mental attacks I was passively sending his way. “There must be a punishment.”

“I was punished during the last battle.” I snarled.

“No one knew the depth of your error.”

“That’s not my problem.”

“... It sets a bad precedent…”

My lip twitched and I nearly smited him out of existence then and there, but Solfrei gave me a hard stare. “What.”

“You supplanted the longest living Omnium in our history and slayed another of the eldest gods to have ever existed by stripping her of her powers and trapping her in the fourty-fourth dimension. That alone is reason enough for resignation.”

The entirety of the Plaza escaped my wrath, evacuating to their own personal Heavens to avoid the caustic, dread-instilling nature of my Battle Aura. Whereas Max’s had felt like being smothered by smoke and choked by his own slender fingers, my aura was like being in the vastness of space without a suit: neither truly hot or cold, and quite murdersome. The Two-Hundred-Series showed up to back their spokesman and the One-Hundred-Series came to betray me for taking one of the kindest Gods that existed in the series from them. The Six-Hundreds came to my aid as they always did, which was a boon beyond all others, but I’d only garnered about three-quarters of their numbers since the ones that had shown up just wanted to fight. The rest thought I was in the wrong and didn't want me to win the battle, or just wanted to abstain from the frequent fighting that occurred during the early portion of every Omnium’s reign.

“You all have one. Chance,” I said levelly, my voice echoing across the Ocean of All. “I will not hesitate to start eliminating you as of this point. Know me as Kauku the Merciless.”

Many Gods left the fight. Many. An Omnium’s true wrath is nothing to shrug off, but Max? Max had beaten the vast majority of all the Gods at different points in his life, and that was with minimal support. Me? I was trained by Max. Molded by him. When I first became a God, Max was the God who mentored me, and he taught me everything he could think of and more. His creativity and ingenuity combined with my logic and conventionality combined through no longer giving a bucking fuck about the value of life to make a being that wanted things her way. Nothing else would stand in my way, and that’s the message that got across to my subordinates. No longer would I spare those who opposed me.

Twilight Maximus was outside of existence.

Diliculum Maximus was old and retired.

Kauku Maximus was ready to rule with an iron fist, and none would stand in her way.

Author's Notes:

Sumtime I fuck yo mudder. Sumtime I fuck yo fadder. Den I fuck yo sidder, you brudder, yo momma, granmomma, and yo auntee. An you uncerr