If there’s ever a place to start, it’d be with Jayne telling me that Tangerine Breeze was a viable option for getting Ladesa taken care of, which was a ray of hope that I rather needed at the moment. I couldn’t afford to lose Ladesa, both as a friend and as an ally. She was far too valuable to me to give up on, and I knew that it made Maud extremely jealous, but I vehemently ‘requested’ that she be either able to protect herself well enough or be close enough to someone who can help her win the fight. She took my intonations and facial expression as I made my unreasonable demands to heart and stopped asking so many relationship related questions, which was nice because silence.

Knowing who to get help from was one thing, but not knowing where Tangerine Breeze was kind of put a damper on my whole ‘She’s saved!’ thing. With that little bout of bullshit taking place in my lap as I struggled to figure out how to make sure that Jayne wouldn’t be left with no backup while simultaneously trying to grasp at straws for Ladesa, I threw out feelers across Bonetown and Grey Grotto for Tangerine Breeze. While that was going on, I personally attended to Ladesa in the Sick Bay since I was the one she apparently wanted nearby during her brief moments of lucidity. To be honest, I didn’t even know about Jayne being in any kind of trouble whatsoever, and it was supposedly due to the fact that we’d never actually ‘acknowledged’ our love for each other. Yes, it was there, but it just wasn’t as magnetic as it had been when we first met as Garrison and Mariana. We’d obviously chosen different partners, and nothing was going to change the fact that Jayne hated her body, so the Covenant, or whatever it’s really called, never had a chance to take root. Sadly, it took Jayne going insane for me to feel something wrong with her, but by then it was too late. For both her and Ladesa.

Deep breath, short sigh.

In the course of the day it took for Jayne to show her might as ruler of Minosia, Ladesa’s soul slowly weakened as her will to live just petered out. I prayed to Furladra and offered her freedom; offered her my hand in marriage with no strings attached, but I never got a reply. Dissida didn’t care since she didn’t give a fuck about someone who’d killed her pups and hadn’t fucked her silly afterwards, so by the time Tangerine Breeze was located and had made the time to see Ladesa… I held her as she faded. Cleaned the bile and black filth that dribbled from her lips whenever she could muster up the strength to cough. She’d lasted in that festering Hellhole so long and I…

I failed her. I knew where her cell was, and I could’ve gotten her out before the fire. It… Everything that happened… It was all my fault. One of my first acts as Guildmaster had been to get the Luck Lady killed during a non-Guild mission… All I could think of while Tangerine Breeze apologized and Frieda blustered and threatened no one in particular were the ways things could have gone right instead of wrong. I could have told Ladesa that we weren’t picking up extra contracts while on an important mission. I could have traded her partners when she got captured because I’d actually wanted to work with a Molly instead of a Griffin-ish thing-

[Hippogriff.]

Whatever. I already knew that they were pretty stealthy, but I wanted to see how I would match up to an actual feline and I’d missed my chance because I’d thought Ladesa could teach the Cat something. I could have gone after her as soon as I knew where she was, but I waited. Already had a plan made, but I waited. And the worst part? It was me not freeing her first that got her killed in the end. She most likely would have been insane, but alive…

{You already said it was a mercy to die in her state, Garrison. Let it go.}

… I could’ve saved her. Could’ve saved you....

{...}

[L-O-L, huge fail. How’s that warmth feel?]

{Just get through it, man.}

Yeah. Sure. To put it in terms of time, Ladesa died over the course of three days, it having taken a day and a half to find Tangerine Breeze and another full day for her to be able to get down into the Catacombs after taking care of similarly critical patients. Jayne went mad around the beginning of Ladesa’s last day and came back to the realm of the sentient around the last hour she was alive, or at least, that’s when I stopped feeling like my mind was imploding and the world was erupting in blaring noises that made no sense. At the time I’d thought that I was just panicking over the death of one of my strongest pawns and closest friends, not in that order, but instead I was getting a taste of Jayne’s madness. Little would be worth the experience as it was, and that was without having been the bearer of the brunt of the pain.

When the pain drained away along with Ladesa’s life, I felt… Not empty, per se, but… I don’t truly know how to describe it. There was a distinct presence of something inside that made the feeling unique in and of itself, but there was also another quality to it, like I wasn’t quite as aware of what it was supposed to be as I should have been. That wasn’t a terribly alien feeling since there were a couple of things that I didn’t really understand in my body, but I did realize that I wept for Ladesa without any tears falling. I felt them flow while I clutched her cold form to my chest, damning myself for failing her, but after awhile I realized that they never actually fell. I went to open my eyes and I could vaguely see two dirty-ish translucent orbs on either side of my vision, so I shook my head and blinked rapidly, thinking that I was going blind for a moment. When I saw the little balls orbiting around my head, I had a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, so I laid Ladesa down and paid close attention to her, but there was nothing about her or her pallid appearance that explained the oddity.

Frieda and Tangerine eventually got my attention by shaking me, which got both of them pummeled with the little orbs of water until I calmed down a little bit. “Gauche, what the Tartarus, man!?” Frieda shrieked.

“Please! We just want to help!” Tangerine said. Cowering from the orb that was assaulting her.

I raised my trembling hands. “I-I’m sorry, I’m not controlling these fuckers.” I grit my teeth ands balled my hands into fists against my will, shaking with a wave of rage that made me spit, “Fucking SHITE!”

The orbs froze as I clenched my hands, but some part of me that wanted mercy for the women in front of me made me bring my hands to my chest and try to breathe, making them come to me. I just wanted the little fuckers to be gone at the moment, so they fell from the air and splattered on the floor while the energy I’d had flushed from my system, making me feel lifeless. Staring at the floor, I listened to some solid advice from Tangerine and went to go find Maud, who was supposed to have been back from doing the mission she’d been sent to do in the first place.

Try as I might, however, I just wasn’t destined to find my piece of comfort on the day of Ladesa’s death, so I ended up going on a Stroll to ease the pain. The familiar feeling of stalking through the night and filling my pouches with things that weren’t mine was mind-numbing in a way, but the need to pay attention to exactly what I was doing and how I was doing it was enough to make me not want to go to Godsholm and beat Furladra for abandoning her daughter. It was just barely enough, but it did the job.

Instead of hocking the crap I’d stolen, I flew around Grey Grotto until I found familiar territory and stashed my shit in the same building where my whole contact with Bite-Back had initially started. As I brooded around the mildewed, smelly old building, I wondered about my own self-worth. Of course I was a useful tool, but I’d just proven that I was a failure as a tactician. My comrade and sister had died due to my own negligence, and I couldn’t help but to dive further back into my psyche and find all the little flaws in the steps I made to save Aria’s life as well. I knew that Twilight could possibly be on the list, but I’d never known that she already had a target on her back.

While I walked over the dust-laden floors of the rat-infested tenement, curiosity struck me about the water thing, so I found the room I’d chosen to sleep in all so long ago and sat behind the door to meditate in piece. After around half an hour, I was able to tap into my inner fury and quench the flames with the icy calm of neutrality. I’d always lived a fine line between being Furladra’s Envoy and Dissida’s Emissary with my general approach to life, but at the moment, I couldn’t help but feel a certain disconnect, or rather, a detachment from both of them. I’d always been able to identify with either on some level, but at the moment, I felt as though they truly were unknowable beings and that I too was unknowable. Everything seemed so, so vastly complicated that I shut down for a moment and the feeling that had brought forth the orbs from before came again, but this time, my canteen provided the water after the cap popped off like a gunshot.

The little balls of water were about three inches tall, and there were a good number of them for the size of my canteen. Shocked, I let the balls fall until I seized the feeling and tried to gain a firmer grasp of what exactly it was before I understood it as a combination of loss and regret. Dissida’s power was simple in that it was just negativity that was geared toward hurting people in general. Hatred, anger, and jealousy all stoked the fire with fuel to spare, and they came in by the wagon full to keep the taps flowing. Furladra’s gift was a little more tricky to deal with since it dealt with a calm assurance of one’s abilities, making it hard to work with since your imagination limited its capacity, but the new power was odd. There was a Dissidic aspect too, in that I had to lose a certain amount of control to summon it, and then Furladra’s aspect came into play when I needed to actually manage it with the conviction that I actually could. I didn’t think that mixing wind and fire would give you control over water, and I still don’t.

“Show yourself.” I said into the empty building.

There was no answer.

“Terrible timing.” I grunted. “Just when I need another god fucking with my life.”

“Well, I’m not really a god or a Creator, so…” I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to face my new patron, coming face to airspace before looking down. None other than fucking Max, the frankly short, scrawny, pasty, teenager-with-a-Helix-Powder-problem-looking version of Maximus.

“... The bloody fuck are you?” I asked dumbly.

He took a step back, waved, and brought the motion into a fluid bow that was still a little goofy and a bit awkward since he was evidently young. “I, my guy, am Kaid Gadai. Pleasure to meet you in person, Garrison. Big fan. Seriously.”

Kaid gave me a smug grin that wasn’t loaded with anything, but there was a certain light to his eyes that made me question his intentions. “... You’re a Guildee?”

He blinked at me. “I what, Mate?”

“... Is Gadai your surname?” I asked, chuckling.

“Oh, yeah.” Young Master Thief nodded.

“Do you steal things?”

“Not as good as you, Mate.” His smile grew and I could see admiration and envy in his gaze, which told me that he was either younger than I’d originally thought, which would put him around fourteen. Or he was a little simple. Never rule out simpleness.

I nodded. “You’re talking to a Guildmaster, friend. I have to be good to be worthy of the title.”

“Which is why Ladesa’s dead, right?”

Damn. That was frostbitten. “Fair point.”

“I can’t really help you on that one.” Kaid gave me a disappointed look, like he’d expected me to say something about it sooner. “I can, however, teach you some stuff about the different types of Magic that you have.”

“I have a few questions if you wouldn’t mind answering them.” I said calmly.

He held up a finger with one hand and pinched the air in front of him with the other, flicking the fingers he’d pinched to open a pale blue window of some sort from thin air. Kaid then repeated the motion in front of the screen and another one popped up, though the new one was far more rectangular than the square that had initially appeared. After seizing one end on opposite corners, he dragged them apart and two boards came into existence parallel to each other. I don’t know why he started poking the little squares on the boards, but it seemed at though he was just tapping random things very quickly while looking at a rapidly changing mass of alphanumerics that ultimately amounted to me getting a headache while trying to follow.

“Alrighty, I think we’ll be good to go here in a little bit, Gary-san…” He lifted his chin slowly before nodding. “And we’re golden.”

I blinked. “... You were Max’s glorified scribe, weren’t you?”

“I’m also a younger version of him that got to nail one of his paramours. It was fun.”

“I’m sure it was. Would you mind telling me why you gave me Water Magic?”

“Because Water, Air, and Fire are the cool ones. Earth always struck me as kinda basic, you’re too dark to do Light, Dark would probably suit you too well, and the others are a little too special to pass out willy nilly. And I didn’t really give you anything. Max gave it to you and you just never activated it so I got it going for you.” Kaid made finger pistols at me and fired them. “Ba-bang, am I right?”

“I don’t understand why you’re choosing now of all times to do this-”

“Ah, right.” He held up a finger before repeating his motions on his strange floating device. “Aaand… Yup!” As he finished his sentence, he slammed his finger on a button and a burst of confetti popped from behind him in Guild Green, Abyss Black, and Gunner’s Guild Grey. “Congratulations on finally getting past your first thing you were supposed to do! I feel like I should say ‘About fuckin’ time’, but if I would’ve been in your shoes… Well, let’s not go there.”

“I have a funny feeling you would have just gotten our gal and got out.” I sighed.

“Yeah. Never was one much for a fight.” He said softly. “If it makes you feel any better-”

“It won’t. Thank you, but I really don’t think it will.”

“Fair enough…” He took a deep breath and prepared to leave.

“Heya, Kaid?”

“Yeah?” He puffed, letting all of his air out.

“... Do you work for Kauku now?”

“... Kinda married to her now, my man.” He said awkwardly.

I glared at him with a special kind of fury and he flinched, raising his hands with a crooked smile. “It was a joke! Ha-ha! Funny-fun times! Don’t kill me, I don’t die!”

“I’m going to marry Maud anyway, so you’re welcome to try your luck with the woman above all others.” I sighed. “It sucks to be this monogamous, you know?”

Kaid pointed at himself. “Max had four wives at one point. And apparently nailed every royal tart in the western hemisphere. Where do you think his libido began?”

“I do see your point. Horny bastards, aren’t you?”

“Aren’t I.” He corrected coolly.

I inclined my head. “It somehow doesn’t really feel like he’s gone.”

“That’s because you haven’t scrubbed the universe looking for him. Max is as good and gone as good and gone gets.”

“Your device tells you that he’s gone?”

“First of all, stop assuming shit. Second of all, this thing could tell me how it all started in the first place if I really cared to know. It just wouldn’t be worth dying over.”

“Damn.”

“I know, right? I miss him too, Mate. As odd as it was, Max was like a big brother to me, and the older he got, the more he started feeling like a mentor.”

“Odd. He’d always seemed terribly volatile to me.”

“He was bipolar, man. His mood swings were fucking legendary when he was still just a Prince. Dude would flip his shit over something or other because it’d been done wrong before, but no one ever got hurt. At least, no one who didn’t have it coming.”

Shaking my head, I shifted my weight back and forth for a moment before saying, “Why now, Kaid?”

“You’re a lone wolf that needs a pack.” He scoffed. “You just lost your Beta. I’d be an idiot to just leave you alone when I could sneak up on you.”

I snorted. “So the Gadai comes to gawk at the Varas?”

“Friend of a friend stops by to say hi.”

We extended hands at the same time and he disappeared after we shook, leaving me with the vague impression that I needed fly responsibly and avoid not catching myself on the way back down. Instead of doing that, I fucked around with the water thing for a while. I tried to give a damn about it. I really did, but I just couldn’t. I knew the feeling well enough and decided to swallow it so I could use it at a later date, doing what I’d always done: compartmentalizing. Ladesa was down, but it wasn’t the end of things. The guilt in my heart traveled to my stomach. The anger clouding my mind drifted down my throat. The remorse wracking my bones all focused in on one point. I ate my emotions and shed one final tear for my fallen comrade, my voice clear as I knelt in the room where the mess had all began.

“Sorry, Ladesa. Would’ve sang it in Varic, but… I doubt you care.” I left the room and the building before making my way to the castle.

I took my time in getting there since I thought Jayne would either be able to take care of herself or otherwise alert me if she needed my help. When I was barred entry at the gates, I wasn’t suspicious as to why until the guards told me that they knew that I was the Spymaster; they just had orders not to let me into the castle. That being said, I can fly and Minotaurs generally can’t, so I just flew over them and got into the castle, pretty much just ignoring everyone on my way in since no one was stopping me once I got past the gate. I asked where the Queen was supposed to be and everyone pointed me in the same direction, so I made my way to the royal chambers, which I say because I didn’t know if Jayne was going to keep the castle long enough to even make it count as ‘hers’. I was half expecting her to have ditched her responsibilities already, but it just didn’t seem to be in the cards for her.

Due to the fact that knocking is for people who don’t like being extra interesting, I let myself into Jayne’s room to see her gently crying into a tall grey Alicorn’s shoulder while said Alicorn murmured apologies to her. “... This seems like a bad time.”

The Pony stared at me and Jayne straightened herself out. “Garrison?”

“Yeah. Sorry I’m late, Jayne. We just lost a friend.”

Jayne looked at me for a moment before closing her eyes and resting against the Alicorn. “Hermione, who’s draining my strength?”

“Are you going to break our promise if I stop?” ‘Hermione’ asked quietly.

“... No. I believe you.”

The Alicorn nodded and placed a tender, loving kiss on Jayne’s brow. “If not one then the other, Jayne. I just want to help and be helped in turn.”

“I get it.” Jayne stopped leaning on Hermione and got off of the luxurious looking bed. “C’mon, Dude. We got shit to do.”

I looked at her as she wiped her eyes and wobbled a little on her feet, looking ready to kill at a moment’s notice. “... Wanna grab a drink?”

She wandered over to the place where the odd bag she’d been carrying since we got to Minosia was and pulled out a cigar the size of my middle leg. “I got a better idea.”

I waited for her to light the damn thing and make sure she was incredible inebriated before asking, “Is the job that damn stressful, or what?”

“Multiple assassination attempts, still gotta rule the damn country, and I miss my fucking dick. And I can’t fucking leave this Hellhole.” She spat bitterly.

That sparked a conversation between us that covered a lot of things that we don’t need to repeat since they already happened and we’ve spoken about them in turn, but the gist was the same as it ever was: Neither of us felt like we were winning the battle we were supposed to be fighting and it wasn’t just pessimism. Every step forward came with enough pressure to take two steps back, and we still had yet more in our path. Queen Hermione was actually quite pleasant and very helpful about getting our heads out of our arses and into another plan that we could pull off without Ladesa, but unfortunately, the plan was going to ‘suck’.

After the main part of our conversation was over, Jayne asked, “Do you think you could do me a favour?”

“Of course.” I replied magnanimously because Jayne’s life sucked more than mine did.

“Can you tell Fluttershy, Diane, and Twilight that I still love them?”

I gave her a small smile. “I can do that.”

She tapped my chest with a fist and pursed her lips. “... Life’s fucked, man.”

I opened my arms and offered her a regretful grin. “So are we, but at least we know we’re fucked, right?”

“I’d almost rather have the hope.”

“Liar.”

“Fair point, counter-point ensuing: I’d fucking feel better right now.” She came in for the hug, but instead of going for a normal one, she grabbed my right hand and hugged me as men generally do, setting a certain precedent.

I clapped her on the back somewhat softly and let her go. “Get high, Your ‘Highness’.”

“Oh, trust me. I’m staying stoned as much as I can.” Jayne scoffed. “Other than that, once you get to Equestria, let me know when you and Maud start ‘recruiting’.”

“I will. Keep me posted on what I need to do for you while I’m in Equestria and I’ll see that it gets done.”

“Between the people that’ll be loyal to me and the people that are already loyal to you, the short term… We’ll see how it goes.”

“Time will tell, as it does with all things…” A heavy, pregnant silence lay between us. “Jayne?”

“Yeah?” She answered, her voice toneless and numbed. Tired.

“You don’t see a way out of this, do you?”

“Only a shit-brained dumbass would call me an optimist.” Jayne snorted, slightly entertained by my ‘joke’.

“Then let’s hope we die quick and I manage to drag you out of whatever mess you’re in again afterwards.”

She blinked and puffed a short breath; barely a scoff. “Good luck on that one. I boned myself pretty hard as far as the afterlife goes, and this one is sucking pretty fucking hard.”

“...Things will get better.”

“So sayeth thee, my Dude.”

I nodded a few times and prepared to leave before I stopped and unstrapped the only unnamed weapon I carried with me from my belt. My stiletto had been my offhand choice in many fights and had saved me from killing blows before. However, it was the blade that Isla had given me, and she’d made me swear to pass it on before I myself did. It only seemed fitting to give it to Jayne. After all, she was another woman whose heart I would never truly earn.

Turning, I came face to face with Jayne, each of us reaching out with a gift in hand. We traded a knife for a strange metal cylinder that was like an auger, but was just a decorated hand-held piece of sharp steel or something. I raised a brow and she shrugged. “Kubotons are in these days. It’s also a pen. Ka-ciao.” She winked and walked away from me like I hadn’t just given her a Thesuvian steel masterpiece that could pierce decent platemail if enough pressure was applied.

{How was I supposed to know that then and there?}

You’re Super Sane and you had finally hit the last level. Fuck you.

{Damn, got caught. Still though, it was a nice pen, was it not?}

Anyways, after Jayne and I agreed to make the world fear our might because Human Superiority, I left and went back to Bonetown to see if anyone was mourning Ladesa’s death and made arrangements to have her body burned outside of town as per the proper Avalesch send off, born from plague and lack of space to put new bodies. It wasn’t my preferred method of sending someone on to the afterlife, but it was one that I thought was fitting in its own way for my Spitfire.

Despite my earlier dismissal of my emotions, my heart still felt the weight of loss, so I sought Maud and her aura for a bit of peace that I wished that I could share with the world for just five minutes, if that. All I wanted was for people to slow down, stop what they were doing, and just appreciate being alive for a moment, because there were many horrible alternatives that seemed to be popping up around every corner. For the first time since Furladra had betrayed me, or rather for the first time since I’d personally met the Gods, I poured my heart out in a prayer to Kauku, asking for guidance. I wasn’t surprised when none came. I wasn’t surprised to hear that Maud was successful with her mission either, I just wasn’t in the mood to celebrate it.

She tried to have me join the festivities, and when it became clear that flooding my mind with alcohol was just going to make things worse, my lovely little Mauble abandoned her own party to come sit in the same musty old factory that I’d been haunting for half the day. I heard her walk up behind me, but I wasn’t expecting her to slide her arms around me and stay silent. I’d been waiting for some touching remark or a dry jab; maybe a tender word that Maud only spoke for me or a crushing truth. Any would have been apt for the situation, but she held her silence until I pivoted in her arms, turned around, and reciprocated her hug.

“So you are ready for comfort. This is good,” my Mauble said, her tone level and low, not in the right octave.

“Whether I want it or not, I don’t deserve it, Maud. I got Ladesa killed by bringing her here.”

“She chose to come-”

“I’m the Guildmaster, Maud. Disobeying me is supposed to be like disobeying a guy a step above Kerrick.”

“She chose to follow your cause. She knew what she was getting into.”

“... I didn’t even know what we were getting into Maud… I… I haven’t panicked on a fucking job in years…”

“I have heard tell of the blaze still going on in the Ironclad Keep. It is impossible to get inside the building for fear of dying of the miasma.”

“Not helping.”

Maud hugged me a little tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you too…” I sighed. “I can’t let this happen again, Maud. I can’t have people dying on my watch.”

“Then do not let them die. Choose the best of the best.”

“I did and-”

“Ladesa was caught because she grew lax. She may have been one of the best at some point, but she was a blade dulled by easy pickings and a comfortable life, if not a little unpreferable.” Maud let me go and held onto my arms, her eyes conveying more emotion than her voice would ever hope to be able to. “Let me take Ladesa’s place in your Guild, Garrison. You can teach me how to sneak like a thief, can you not?”

“Maud, you’re built like the sexiest cannon I’ve ever laid eyes on, but your still a cannon. Ladesa was a recurve bow that shot somewhat short arrows. You are far better at doing what you currently do than we could make you at sneaking within a reasonable timeframe, and the factors working against you are potent.” I took a step toward her and gave her a minute smile. “I miss Ladesa already, but I still have you. I’m sure I can find another sneaky type in the Ranger Corps, but I need a bruiser, and you’re the bruisingest woman I know that isn’t evil.”

She bit my throat, but not hard enough to restrict my breath. Then Maud tossed her head about like a looney and made me fucking giggle and give her a fucked up look, to which she replied with, “Then I will help you find your bow. It will be an ugly, yet effective bow.”

“Or it can be a guy. I’ll take a guy bow.”

“I don’t trust you enough to assume you will stay straight.”

I’m sure my shock came across my face as fast as the blush. “What would give you that impression?”

“You’ve fallen for a man in a woman’s body.”

“He and I both say I fell for the body, which is like yours, but not as nice. I like you; Jayne is an arse.”

Maud cracked a miniscule smile. “It is nice to hear you say that.”

The look I gave her was like a summer’s breeze to a mountain. “Stop being manipulative.”

“I am not being manipulative, I am fishing for affirmations and compliments. It is a Mare’s right in a relationship.”

I rolled my eyes and traded disapproval for a longsuffering smile. “If you wait for me-”

“I waited during the party and I even came here to get them.” She folded her arms.

What could I do? It was laughably, amazingly sweet, so I gave her a hug until I could close my lips enough for a kiss. “You’re adorably preposterous, you know that?” I asked as we parted.

Maud shrugged like it was par for the course, which I suppose it was for her. “I have never been called anything of the sort. I find your diagnosis to be dishonest, biased, and scientif-”

She’d earned herself a kiss for her efforts and another smile to boot. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome. I expect the same service to be provided in a different manner at another time.”

“A Varas always holds up their end of the deal, even if their partner is a little nuts.”

She tilted her head and looked at me. “I am sorry, Mr. Pot, I could not hear you over my water coming to a boil.”

“I wasn’t calling you black, I was calling you the fun kind of crazy.”

“I would prefer it if you called me pretty.” She tried to pout, but she couldn’t hold the expression long. She kept trying, though.

It was really cute.

“Pretty isn’t good enough for a gal as gorgeous as you. It implies that you’re just a face and not a wonderful, brilliant, beautiful work of art that deserves someone better than a washed up thief past his prime.”

“You are in your mid-twenties.”

“I’m over a thousand years old, but mid-twenties sounds like it’ll get us… Well, old people generally get discounts.”

“You have made yourself relatively rich.”

“Eeyup.”

“Discounts do not matter.”

“The only thing I’ve actually spent money on so far is food. And my armour. I had to get that repaired.”

“... You are a cheapskate.”

I waved a hand in her direction. “Keep being as Maud as you can be and I’ll buy your affection before kissing my way into getting more. Then we can see where little reminders of my love get me.”

“They will get you many Maud related things. You will like them.”

“Then how about we start by looking for a bracelet of some sort? Minosian jewelers are said to be some of the finest artisans on the planet.” I wiggled my brows at her.

“Would this be a date by any chance?”

“... Eeyuss.”

“Then I would be delighted. This place smells terrible.”

“You smell good.” I sniffed her for confirmation. “Your perfume makes me hungry.”

“I’m not wearing perfume. Do not eat me.”

“You’d enjoy it if I did.” I gave her a wink.

“... I cannot decide whether I would like a token of affection or a sexual favor.”

“And this is where I offer both, no?”

She laced her arms around my neck and puckered up for a smooch that I was happy to give her. “You can if you so desire.”

I let my hands drift from her hips to her rear, letting them rest near her tail. “Pick what you want to do first and we’ll see how much we can squeeze into the day accordingly.”

“Heh-heh. Who said good deeds go unrewarded?”

While Lover-Boy was prepping his dick for the sucky sucky, I was eating dinner with Hermione while she stirred some stew. I couldn’t have had much less of an appetite, but Madam Fingerfuck was adamant about not letting myself slip into a state of despair. It’s… It’s hard to explain, but in a way, it just worked. Not very effectively, but letting Hermione shoulder some of the burden she herself had placed on my shoulders just… It felt like the right thing the to do. Looking to the person who fucked with you for payback is natural, right? I mean, if someone hits you with a car and pays the bill, then keeps up with you to see how you’re doing, are you really going to be that mad?

{Yes. Mostly because I assume that getting hit by a car is not like getting hit by a pillow.}

[I’d probably let it go if they really were sorry.]

Right? I mean, I could tell that Hermione was pretty regretful about the whole thing other than the time where she was stealing my warmth. Other than that, she was as much a victim of circumstance as I was in her own way, and I had to trust my instincts on it because leaving more room for doubts in my mind would have been bad for everyone. As it was, my mind was a mess. Puidos and Guidos and Skidoos clashed against each other in a race war while a biker gang drank Mary under the table, put her in a ball bearing, and proceeded to play pinball with her. I was being frummeled and squabulatored as Lujei drifted through the scenes in her own time, giggling as she went along. The two of us combined all over again and more of our traits married and mingled, balancing out as we came closer to being one person with multiple personalities rather than an abomination beyond words, but in the end, it was working out well as long as I stayed comfortably numb to the shitstorm I’d found myself in.

After I sent Garrison off to do his half of the bullshit, I went to go get started on some of my Queenly duties, which were first and foremost to squash any rumours of evil Magic surrounding me, replacing them with truths about Alchemy and lies about homunculi that turned out for the worst. Minotaurs are dumb, and Alchemy wasn’t a popular school of Magic in Arcadia because of the red tape that was involved in studying it, which I got around by dating a Princess. It was even less popular on Equis where the Princesses liked to keep just about everything useful hush hush, but now I’m just being bitter and a little salty.

Hermione had asked that I join her in our Courtroom after my meeting with Garrison since she wanted to discuss what kind of ruler I was actually going to be, and ‘tough but fair’ was the order of the day as far as that went. However, when I told her that, Hermione gave me a look. “Sweet Carnation, I’m afraid that ‘tough but fair’ isn’t exactly going to be an easy goal to accomplish. Minotaurs are notorious for thinking of themselves as the superior race of Equis, and as such, they expect special treatment in their Homelands. Having a Queen that rules against them will be cause for upheaval.”

I shrugged. “What’s your suggestion?”

“Rig the game.”

“I like you when your hands are closer to you than me. And when you’re smart. This is a good moment for me liking you.”

Her bitoned eyes wrinkled with a bit of mirth, and I noticed for the first time that she actually seemed like she was older than Celestia, which was odd. Celestia had struck me as a capable, middle-aged woman in her mid-thirties while I felt as though Hermione was at least a decade older in her demeanor and disposition. Her manner of manipulation also seemed to be more… Tolerable. Hermione didn’t pretend to be a good person, and she’d told me as much herself, but Celestia wanted people to believe that she was the shining ray of hope in a forlorn world, and it was low-key/high-key bullshit as fuck. Of course, I liked Hermione less in the moment, but at least she’d let me have a shred of my dignity. Celestia, on the other hand? I didn’t doubt that she’d slay my pride with a smile and invite me to tea afterwards to make it seem like she was being a good sport.

Hermione rolled her eyes, that little bubble of thought having thrown me off and I had to ask her to repeat herself. “I said, ‘If you have any Minotaurs loyal to you, then I can control a few Ponies and make them lose a case with grace. No problems’.”

“Ah, good to hear. I’ll get in touch with a friend of mine and see who I can dig up, but in the meantime, is there anything I need to attend to? Like, urgent shit?”

“Well, you do need a good time and place to die and become some type of Undead.”

“Shit, being a Thrall barely had enough perks to make it worthwhile. Being Undead gets old after a decade, I’m told.”

“Well…” Hermione hissed.

“You gotta be shittin’ me.” I deadpanned.

She winced. “It’s not Lujei, it’s Tartarus. I can’t really rule without a partner, and my partner needs to be at least one hundred percent less alive than you, if not one hundred and ten.”

“How the fuck do you become a’ hundred and ten percent dead?”

“You become a Death Lord Mortalon.” She answered flatly. “That’s basically Lujei right now.”

“So… What exactly are you?”

“I am a Lich Queen Moudrea, which is one vast rank below a Death Lord and yet another stretch from Mortalon down to Moudrea respectively. With the Magic you currently have in your body, I would wager that you could become a Revenant Moudrea, which isn’t a bad choice if you’re aiming for both intelligence and power.”

“Yeah, no, can’t we just fake me being dead? Or have someone turn me into a Thrall and just have me keep some venom on hand so the cravings don’t get out of control?”

“If you were a Vampire of any sort, you would owe some manner of allegiance to Nytemaire, and that Mare is a Madmare, my Sweet Carnation.” Hermione warned. “As you are, you currently don’t have the Mana to support becoming a stronger type of Undead.”

“And if we used some kind of sacrament with the blood of an unwed virgin?”

She blinked at me and laid a hand against her cheek cautiously, almost as if she were afraid that touching her fur was going to cause it to bruise. “... That would probably be… Unethical.”

“Let me worry about getting it and you worry about the sacrament, sweet cheeks.”

“We would need at least an amount dangerous to a person’s life to get any manner of desirable result.” Hermione protested vehemently.

I waved her off casually. “Hermi, Baby, chill. I got this, and no one has to get hurt.”

“... Do you plan on using your blood?” She asked.

“Maybe.”

“Oh. That’s actually a great idea; let’s not do that.”

“Right? Where do- Wait, hold up-”

“That’s right. Even if you hold no feelings for me, I do not want you hurting yourself. There will have to be another way. I’m sure I could borrow some Magic from a few of my Vassals, if they have the inclination to help someone cuter than me, that is.”

I gave her a look and rolled my eyes. “It barely hurts and I can heal as I bleed. Trust me, I probably already have a few mage’s worth of magic stored up, I just need to know how to die and come back to life when I want to be done with being undead.”

“I don’t know of any such spell, sadly.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t make one.” I scoffed. “I wrote my own fucking Rune Cypher in the course of eight months. Granted, I had an ancient teacher helping fine tune things, but still.”

Hermione stared at me in awe. “You pioneered an entire Cyper before your twenty-fifth year?”

“Yeet.”

“YAW BITCH YAW!” A harsh, rasping voice shouted.

Hermione and I looked around for the source of the voice, but it had apparently came from nowhere.

“...Oookay.” I said, a little creeped out. “Skipping that. I’m gonna go to our room and start filling the bathtub. Have as much food as three hungry Minotaurs could eat in a sitting as soon as you can, if you’d like to be helpful.”

She gave me a look. “You say that like food heals all wounds.”

“My MRP is in my heart; I get Mana back by eating, and I can even store a little extra around in my body, but it just depends. I generally get by through just hogging out and spending Mana as little as I can, but I’ve had to heal wounds over the past couple of days, and I don’t remember the last time I ate besides this right here.”

“Then eat something to settle your stomach before you start with the crazy, incredibly irresponsible thing you want to do.”

I gave her a look. “I can heal myself with a rune and be fine to start all over again within ten minutes. It’s not that irresponsible, so don’t-”

“Oh, I’m going to nag you.” She said. “Wives nag. It’s our right and our privilege, and I announce you as the man of the relationship.”

The stare we shared was awkward, but that was mostly because I wasn’t really sure of how to say ‘Fuckin’ h’wut?’ in any other way than, “I hate to widow you and turn ya down, but…”

“Non-negotiable.” She said, her tone baseline for a level of fear that Herodotus couldn’t instill in me, no matter his bluster or proven insanity. Hermione wasn’t crazy at all. No, the woman was sound of mind when she said, “I will not be some harlot to be used for pleasure once and tossed aside, regardless of whether or not either of us had a choice in the matter. Not once in the past seven thousand years has someone used me in that way, nor will today be that day.”

I raised my hands in a defensive gesture. “... Take things slow?”

“A fine compromise.” She said quietly. “We will find a more philapathic way to extract your blood so you’re not cutting yourself or anything of the sort.”

“It’s not like it-” Hermione gave me a steely look. “... So we can just go to a hospital and keep bringing super high calorie food in, right?”

“No, I will bring a doctor here to you and we will begin the extraction within the next two hours. Take your time to get around and know your staff, as it will surely help in the coming days.” Hermione answered a little curtly.

I didn’t really give a fuck as long as she wasn’t trying to kill me or fingerbang me again. “Yeah, sure… So is Bellony-”

“She is one of your staff members, and she was supposed to greet you. I, however, thought that you might enjoy my take on her disposition a little better.”

“Well, if you were acting like her, then she probably won’t suck.”

“She’s a lesbian.” Hermione added, giving me a once over.

I looked at me too. “I need to get manlier clothes.”

“Ah. Yes, you’ll definitely be the male in the relationship.” She snorted.

“No shit, I was born with a dick and I think like a man.” I grumbled bitterly.

“But don’t you-”

“I don’t even care what you’re going to say, the only thing I like about being a woman is how soft my hair is. That shit’s noice.”

“... There’s honestly nothing else you find enjoyable? You don’t enjoy attracting looks just for being beautiful? Or walking with your head held high as only a woman can? You don’t enjoy having the freedom to express yourself without judgement, pass judgement on others without reproach, or the other little perks that come along with the power of the clam?” She gave me the oddest of looks. “Honestly, when I was still mortal, the Tear-Drop was my favorite move. Cry for a second and everyone crumbles.”

“I ain’t a lil’ bitch tho.”

“Masculine pride.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Look, just because it doesn’t make sense to you doesn’t mean it’s worthless. Faking tears to get your way is pathetic. Gossiping is pathetic. Expressing yourself is soemthing anyone can do to the right person-”

“But how many men have people they can talk to like that, Jayne? How many of your former gender could honestly say that they could spill everything on their heart to their closest friends? Judgement notwithstanding.”

I took a second to actually think about my answer to that question, because I’d thought of it before while thinking of the aspects of masculinity that were actually kinda toxic more so than they were helpful. To be fair, there weren’t that many people I trusted with what was in the depth of my heart, though Diane was definitely my closest confidant in that aspect. It was hard to say for sure that guys in general weren’t afraid to break past the veil of stoicism we were supposed to keep as far as our emotions went, and it’s not like a lot of factors combatted the repressive mannerisms that got hammered into dudes when they were young. Get banged up? You’re a big boy, walk it off. Get your heart broken? Suck it up, stop acting like a bitch. Have a bad day? So what? Act like a man. It was kinda obvious to me how guys were supposed to act from a young age, just from paying attention to how I was raised and how my emotions were handled by people other than me, which… Yeah, prolly the reason I became so sociopathic, or rather, numbed out in the first place.

I mean, misandry really spiked when my Moms were young and men got the shaft for a decade or two before I was born, though a lot of the Old-School OG’s say that men got raped every single which way by the American legal system anyway, depending on the race on either side of the case, of course. I’d heard plenty of warning not to mess with White girls because one rape allegation could be my ass for life, and I actually knew of a couple of guys who got lynched and railroaded for crimes they legit didn’t commit while a few guys on the other end of the spectrum, serial rapists, were allowed to walk free with slaps on the wrists. Of course I knew of Chocolates and Vanillas that had their lives ruined by a single woman’s lies, and I knew the other end of the story when a victim didn’t get justice, despite there being hard proof.

There were plenty of little artifacts from the ‘10’s-’20’s that were abolished and outright repealed in 2040 with the election of the working man’s President, Bobby Ray Simmons, and many convictions of Fraud, Slander, Defamation of Character, and Perjury were passed around that year, and the statute of limitations? Extended to fit life sentences that were passed on innocent men in the first place. Oddly enough, a guy who used to think the Earth was flat and even had a song about government conspiracies would be the one to truly equalize the gender disparity in America, pushing for Egalitarianism across the world. Just a token of the good Max did for the world before he passed on, I guess.

As for answering Hermione’s question, I also had to take into account the way men were treated on Arkaid, and even though they’d swapped places with omen, my foggy memories made it seem as though it were more infuriating to have the opposite sex patronize me based on something I had no control over when I was dicked instead of dickless. That’s not to say that I wasn’t still pissed, it’s just that it felt less hateful when coming from Garrison or my ‘students’ and more like they were poking fun at me while acknowledging the fact that I could make them regret it. On Arkaid, I remembered constantly feeling like I was being looked down upon, seen as just a lump of dick, and a trophy more than anything else. I wondered if it was my male pride or my frankly terrifying powers that had caused the disparity, but then again, I was also watching the entirety of The Oblongs in reverence while seeing Shadbase images of the pale bitch.

“Y’know? I don’t like being a woman for the simple fact that I have to sit down to pee.” I said plainly.

Hermione flicked my nose. “You took nearly a full minute to think of an answer and that was it?”

“No, it’s just that I don’t want to use my current sex as leverage in any type of way because that shit’s dirty as fuck. It makes my morals hurt just thinking about it.” I rubbed my nose and glared at my new ‘partner’.

“Well, I certainly felt bad when you cried, though I was already feeling rather morose about the ordeal.”

I stared at her before slapping her across the face. “Wah.”

Hermione didn’t really react beyond a few minute nods. “Most of me is well aware of the fact that I deserved that, but there’s an iota of my being that thinks I should rip your ovaries out.”

“They’re novaries right now, and I’m glad that you’re far more rational and understanding than-” She kissed me before I could finish my sentence and grabbed a handful of my rear before she pulled away. “Oh… Okay.”

Hermione squeezed, making me shoot up to my tiptoes for some reason. “What about the fact that I’m practically primeval at this point?”

“Still come off as pretty pleasant, handsy tendencies aside.” I said, putting my hands on Hermione’s shoulders as she continued to bend down, trying not to fall over since I’m not a fucking ballerina.

She supported me readily. “Should I ask for another kiss?”

“The answer would be no, but take one knowing that I’m not mad about it.”

The kiss was brief, and so was the flicker of pain in Hermione’s eyes. “Loyal to a fault.”

“It’s fucked me before, I know.” I sighed.

Finally she let go of my ass and just brought me into a hug, though I was basically trying to decide to take a face full of squish or go under her mountains. I didn’t have much time to decide on one or the other since she chose for me, and thus was the squish. “... Jayne, you’re not going to want to hear this, but… You need to let them go before you get them hurt.”

I rested my chin between her breast and spoke into the front of her dress, for the most part. “... Without them, what am I supposed to keep going for?”

She gave me a sad smile and stroked my hair a few times. “When you’re living for someone else instead of yourself, don't you feel… Obligated, would be a good word.”

I didn’t need her to elaborate. I understood what she meant. “The obligations are what keep me going.”

“You should feel obligated to make yourself happy, Jayne.” Hermione whispered. “Other people will look out for themselves-”

“My girls look out for me more than I do them in their own ways.” I said back half-heartedly.

“Because you’d rather sacrifice your own flesh and blood for the power to protect everyone when you could’ve just left well enough alone… How much of this was even necessary, Jayne? Really? Was anything you did to protect your girls beneficial to them in the long run when you could’ve just kept your nose clean and lived a peaceful life?”

I wasn’t strong enough to shove an Alicorn older than most Ancient Dragons, so I used an old trick to find her nipples beneath her dress, which earned me a maude-ish blush before I seized them and gave her a Helluva Twister. “Shush.”

She winced, but that was about it. “You’ve never been with a Minotaur, have you?”

“You’re the only one on the list for this body. Unless you count Lujei and what she did.” I clicked my tongue on that one. “Mmm, those are some spicy flashbacks. Damn.”

Hermione hugged me again, but this time, I just cast a quick Levitation Spell to put me on her level, which gave us a moment to see eye to eye in a literal sense. Through Hermione’s eyes, I traveled through her past and gleaned pieces and parts of who she was from her actions and resulting feelings towards the result in the Big Picture. At every twist and turn, I saw a woman who was fighting for her life by being subductive and duplicitous. I saw a woman who’d lied, cheated legitimate Demons that were Intelligentsia, and stolen her way to the throne. But… It was what lie in her heart, guarded behind thick walls that she was still bore that made me sure of what to do.

The memories of her days alive when she was the Queen of Equestria? She colluded with Queen Azyre and what appeared to be Max in disguise to end many of the conflicts and civil wars that were breaking out like wildfire due to the massive population of the Wyld Lyres at the time, the Windigo Upheaval, and the initial aggression of the Naga Horde toward Draconia. I saw choices that left scars on her heart, and her own siblings on the floor when her father was assassinated by her eldest brother in a mad power-grab. Single-handedly, she’d had to kill them all as she was the most legitimate heir that King Pearce had, his only Queen having given him but one child before she too was slayed during another power struggle that I didn’t dig into. Beyond that, I saw the scared little girl, the twelve year old filly that was so much like young Twilight…

Hermione was… She was a warped, twisted individual who couldn’t tell if she genuinely cared about me. She… Hermione was a person who’d been stabbed so many times with a smiling face before her and a ‘friend’ behind her that she was mostly numb to the pains of the world, but she was a fantastic actress, and that was because she still cared. There was a part of her that was redeemable; a part that wanted to walk a decent path and took little steps to make sure she kept the suffering of the innocent to a minimum. However, I also learned that there was a part of her that wanted me in ways I was very… I mean, like… Nigga. The fuck? Who the FUCK wants a daughter they can sleep with!? Bricks in a wicker basket: That shit ground the gears to dust.

Mostly because I was kinda into it, but-

{You fucking perverted, Sylphic-}

[Oh. My. Gosh. Stop.]

Bruh, girl got her kinks, don’t judge. Also keep in mind that I’m literally bonkers as a Pinkie.

{I don’t think Pinkie eats Maud Pie.}

[Ugh, you know I know both of them, right?]

And you know there’s like, two or three more of them bland bitches, right?

[Whatever, who cares? Get back to the story, Mother-lover.]

Eat a dick. Anyway, as I was saying, it only took a split second to glean who Hermione was and what she wanted out of me from our relationship, so when she started to speak, I put a finger on her lips while I stared at her, unblinking until I let my eyes close to concentrate on what I wanted to do…

[...]

{...}

…

[So what’d you do?]

Deep breath, little sigh. “Hermione?” I asked softly, taking my finger from her lips.

“Yes, Mari Jayne?”

I licked my lips and prepared myself. “... What do you want from me...? What kind of relationship do you want between us?”

She gave me an easy smile that I saw straight through. “I just want to support an unfortunate soul who-”

“Think before you say something else. I want this to be a moment where we get this on the floor; any concerns or… Other things.”

Hermione’s smile faded a little as she stroked my cheek. “... Trust for trust?”

“You began our relationship with deception. There’s currently a deficit on your end.”

“I’m also older than most things that move. I don’t trust easily, Carnation.”

“... You never know what I might be open to.”

{Fah-ckin’ what.}

[Pffft!]

Shut up.

{...}

[... Keke-]

Fuckin’- Whatever.

{I never knew that was why- Holy shit.}

Keep talking. This one hasn’t met a foe worth being fired at.

[That’s a biggun’…]

The fuck I thought. Anyways, Hermione blinked and her brow furrowed slightly, her lips parting as she needlessly inhaled. It’s always bad when a Lich does something they normally don’t need to do, because it generally means that they’re about to do Lich shit. “... Did you enter my mind without my knowledge?”

“Your eyes are captivating.” I answered, smiling… Well, a little nervously. Say sum’. I fuckin’ dare you. No takers? Good.

Her odd look changed into a blank expression as her hands settled on my hips. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Well, I’m not exactly in your head.” I countered, not wanting to sound like I was leading her on.

Hermione rolled her eyes and gave me a little smile. “Jayne, would you rather be my Princess than my Queen?”

My face heated up and I looked down at her chest. “... S’long as your the only one calling me that, I guess it wouldn’t be bad.”

The Lich Queen leaned in close and I could’ve sworn I felt her fur on my cheek as she whispered in my ear, her cool breath sending chills down my spine. “Would Mommy’s Princess like to go and get something to eat?” I felt my face light up and I just settled for a nod instead of trying to trust my voice to speak, earning myself a chuckle from Hermione as she pulled away.

She kissed the corner of my mouth, probably trying to test the waters instead of kissing her new daughter on the mouth like a weirdo. After a quick assurance that food was to be sent to my personal chambers, ‘Mommy’ sent me to go get washed up while she went to go find some decent clothes for me. For a good while, I wondered just what the fuck I’d gotten myself into by asking to be taken under Hermione’s wing, but I already understood why I wanted to do it, and I was disappointed in myself for it within minutes. It honestly boiled down to me not wanting to be motherless anymore, or rather, I just wanted someone to love and care for me without having to worry about whether or not they’ll try to cross me…

Is that so wrong?

[Yeah, kinda. Whored yourself out for some sweet talk.]

{I understand where you were coming from. It’s essentially why Dissida fell for me.}

… Whatever. Once I got to my room, I found the bath, bathed, and then threw on a robe the hung off of me like it was made for someone two meters taller than I was because it kinda had been, but it was fine. Combing through my hair wasn’t as bad as when I was a dude, and when Hermione came with servants bearing a blood transfusion kit and a shitton of food, I figured it was for the best that I get as close to her as possible so she’d hesitate to kill me if it ever came to it. As it was, having my measurements taken sucked, and having the life drained out of me was pretty unpleasant, but it hurt less than doing it the old fashioned way, and I was able to eat as I bled, which meant that we were able to get the ordeal done faster.

Post draining and dressing, I was looking smart in a pantsuit and was ready to begin lessons with Hermione over the countries history and the current politics, though most of what she told me whs shit I could look into from Herodotus’ reign as King. That being said, I proposed a few new policies that made Hermione smile and suggested getting rid of a few redundant ones that made her give me another kiss in the same place as the last one. I was tempted to chase her lips and show her that I wasn’t as afraid of being what she wanted me to be, but when I returned her kiss, I balked and placed mine in the same place she’d put hers, my face rosy and still unable to quite put what I wanted from her into words. Of course, now I realize that I was just desperate for a motherly figure to show me love and affection since my own mothers had essentially disowned me and I couldn’t have contact with them anyway. Keep in mind that I wasn’t even legal to drink on my home planet at the time this was going on, so I was still kinda looking for someone to lean on in the absence of my closest friends and my lovers. It was… Pathetic.. Yeah, I know. I just…

{I understand. We don’t have to talk anymore for today. You just prepared your sacrament, right?}

Yeah, we didn’t do it until I got some sleep since it would be the last time I’d have the pleasure.

[Then I guess we can stop here.]

Cool.

Author's Notes:

Another one? So soon?

I must be up to something. I'd usually be up to something.

Mawmi phuq mii XXDD