You know what? No need for mindless lollygagging. We all know the very overused cliché of a character going all like, “Ooh”, “Aah” in their heads, or “What the heck happened?” or “Where am I?” kind of thought processes after having been knocked on the noggin.

So, I am going to compensate for that by not following these established guidelines and simply do what I always do.
Like, A: I know exactly what happened to me, or rather remember what actually happened to me in the first place. So no need to waste time circle jerking around about something that is redundant. And B: Because it really doesn’t hurt as much as I was expecting. Probably due to my years of toughening up my pain tolerance by purposely watching a lot of terrible, fucked up movies that no sane person would watch because according to the critics, it’s one of the worst movies ever made in cinema.

Why do I do that? Well, mostly because of curiosity’s sake, really. Seeing for myself if these legislations and stories pinned to those movies are actually true or not.

Spoilers: they are, and I have seen a lot of those over the passage of time, causing me both mental, spiritual and even physical pain when trying to watch them while being drunk on caffeine. Do that enough of times in a row and your outlook of pain becomes somewhat blurred, not to mention somewhat meaningless as well as nothing else could possibly be as painful as watching any of these movies.

Jack and Jill, Superbabies: Baby Genius 2, Catwoman and so on.

Either way, besides that, one thing was very clear.

“They better still have my mug and coffee intact, otherwise I will surely start going PG 18 on these horses with no regards to children’s safety.” I thought to myself, especially when I started to hear some of these horses talking. Their discussions were revolving around me, because what else could it be?

“I still think that we should have dealt with this thing immediately and not bother to actually get this creature over here in the first place. I am telling you, this decision is going to bite us in the flank one way or another.” I heard someone say, most likely being the one I just received a load full of rainbows from if my memory serves right.

“Wait, do I still have… yes I do.” I self-checked, feeling quite satisfied to know that I am still NOT gay.
The thought of boobs and skimpily clad females were still producing the desired blood flow into my nether regions like how it’s supposed to. One problem already dealt with.

Besides that, I heard someone else sigh. “Darling, as much as I feel the same suspicions feeling towards this… uhm, thing, as much as you do, I still think that the idea of going to get “rid of it” is a little bit too extreme, don’t you think? Especially since it’s still unconscious after you so heroically slammed into it after it surrendered.” I heard this new person criticize, sounding quite fabulous in terms of her accent and tone.

Possibly a drama queen too, because the voice so wonderfully lends itself to it.

Another one butted in afterwards. “I have to agree with Rares over here, Dashie. The fact that this critter hasn’t even done anything that would justify such an action is a little bit unneighborly, if you ask me. At least allow the thing to wake up from the head-noggin you gave it and try to explain itself from there. It clearly can talk which we all heard… very, very clear when it shouted around like a madmare.” This new voice added, giving me all kinds of stereotypical American vibes that I can think of.

“Howdy maid, this is ‘MURICA speaking to you with boobs, bombs and a lot of hunks.” I thought to myself with a small frown.

“Bloody American stereotype has even bled through this copycat land of care bear wannabes. What is next? Britney Spears type music?” I added, completely ignoring the little back-and-forth these horses had which ranged from insults, to soft racist slurs and someone talking about a party or whatever.

Either way, one thing was clear… yet again. “I am not lying in the same spot where they knocked me out, if some of the wood splinters digging into my shirt are anything to go by. Couldn’t at least give me a blanket to sleep upon.” I mentally stated, wiggling my back a bit to get some of those uncomfortable wood pieces out of my shirt.

Luckily no one seemed to notice as the conversation about me continued on.
“I think we should at least tie it up in case it wakes up. Again, not really sure if it is hostile or not. Just to be sure.” I heard the same American sounding chick say.

Skittles seemed to scoffed at that, though. “Hostile? This bloody creature has slammed a door right at my face. Have you forgotten about that already? Now I am forced to run around with this stupidly large bandaged patch on my forehead because of that stupid thing.” She complained.

This memory made me internally smile before another, newer voiced joined the conversation, this one being a lot quieter than the others.

“We-well… you did try and attack it first, though… it could have perhaps simply acted on instinct, same how many animals do when they are threatened.” This new voice… well voiced. Offering a lot of sense in this sea of nonsense...well actually the only one who didn’t make sense was gay pride over here, and this randomly accruing helium addict who also didn’t add much coin in this other poor excuse of a wallet.

What has a wallet to do with me being the center of their conversation? Well, let’s just say that I am RICH in personality. But I am just stepping on myself and should rather focus on the other realization that dawned on me.

“I really need to take a piss now.” I thought.

My eyes immediately sprung open, which, in turn, caused everyone in the room, six in fact, to immediately jump away in fright at my sudden ascension to consciousness.

I, on the other hand, quickly sat up, before giving my new surroundings the good old looksee with a critical eye.

“All wood, quite the fire hazard if you ask me, and those rows of books are not helping.” I mentally criticized before finally remembering the main reason as to why I allowed myself to be discovered in the first place.

I began to focus back at the collection of living crayons in front of me, and eventually settling on the one that seems to look the smartest of the bunch. In looks at least.

“Purple, do you have a bathroom around here? Nature calls and it is not waiting.” I announced with a raised finger, before pointing said finger at said equine with the tenacity of Jason Wright himself.

The equine in question flinched back as expected. Her ears flopped back against her skull and her eyes somewhat wide at my hand gesture.

Though she eventually nodded after her brain managed to reboot itself. Good, because as I said, nature wasn’t waiting and it’s a damn bitch sometimes.

”We-Well yes… this library does have a bathroom. One for public use, and a private one.” She explained before pointing a hoof to the right.

“The… the public one is actually right behind that door over there… if you really need to go.” She informed, which in turn earned her one of my trademark grins as a reward.

She again visibly flinched back at that, which I ignored before slowly getting back up.
The group of ponies were watching me suspiciously as I casually moved past their huddled pile and made my way to the pointed-out door that purple pointed with her somewhat surprisingly pointy looking hoof. Gripping and turning the strangely human knob and carefully opening the less surprisingly smaller door revealed exactly as purple promised.
A single toilet bowl, with both a sink and a mirror on top of it to finish up the pretty basic bathroom cliché layout. Closing the door behind me and opening the lid on the also not surprisingly smaller bowl, I eventually lowered the upper front portion of my pajamas before allowing nature to do the rest, sighing to myself as the pressure inside my bladder finally subsided.

“Aah, sweet releases never get old.” I sighed, continuing my flow of the world’s saltiest apple juice.

After everything was done, I pulled up my pajamas once more before reaching for the door knob. I froze midway as a thought struck me.

“Oops, don’t forget to clean my hands. Hygiene is important after all, or at least that’s what my dear old uncle used to tell me.” I commented before doing just that, making use of the awkwardly placed sink and turning the equally awkwardly placed knob on it.

Once the deed was finally done, I casually dried my hands on an equally casual looking towel before casually opening the door and casually stepping back out with a satisfied grin on my casual lips.

I sighed again. “Ahh, much better.” I exclaimed, emphasized by me pulling down my T-shirt and releasing it with an audible snap, making my way back to the same spot where I used to lay before taking my place back on its surface, laying down flat on the hardwood floor before closing my eyes again and pretending to be continuously unconscious.

A combination of moves which utterly and completely confused the ever-living shit of these equines, as they expression showed. Totally my intention and totally another successful mission of me doing what I do best with new people: confusing the ever living shit out of them and make them question if my existence truly justifies the effort they took when climbing out of bed in the first place.

All in a day’s work nonetheless, and I haven’t even gotten to my 5th mug of coffee today. Speaking of coffee…
My eyes immediately snapped open once more, causing a pink looking puff of cotton candy to stop in her tracks, a look of great curiosity plastered on her face as she gazed down at me.

I stared back at her, though with a very important question in mind. “Where is my coffee mug, by the way? I clearly remember having placed it down on the ground next to me before skittles…” I pointed at skittles who was glaring daggers at me. ”… decided to hug tackle me into oblivion and beyond. Is it, by any chance, still outside where I left it? It is very important.” I questioned, once more to everyone’s confusion besides pinks and skittles.

The pink one surprisingly perked up at my question and quickly smiled. “Ooh you mean the funny looking coffee mug with that even equally funny looking face and the even more funny reading slogan underneath it?” She asked, in which I casually gave her a “thumb up” as a response.

She continued to beam, most likely understanding my gesture. “Well in that case don’t worry, I actually took the time to quickly grab it while the rest of my friends over there were busy carrying your sleepy weepy body into the Library. I even made sure that none of the coffee got spilled on the way here. No need to waste a good mug of, coffee after all.” She promptly got closer and began to whisper.” I actually have some experience with that in case you’re wondering.” She quickly added, before removing herself from my personal space and pulling out my still-steaming mug from a nearby table and placing it right next to me.

“Even took the time to preheat it, just in case. Cold coffee tastes weird, unless it’s meant to be cold. Like iced coffee or something.” She quickly added while tapping her chin.

I smiled at her. “Pinks, I can tell that the two of us are going to get along just fine. A fellow coffee enthusiast is always ok in my books.” I stated, giving her another thumbs up for a good measure.

She gasped. “Oh my gosh we are…I mean, of course we are. That of course also means that I will have to throw you a ‘Welcome, strange creature we have never seen, to Ponyville’ party. Ooh just the thought alone of being the first to host such a party already makes me…” She tried to ramble before she was violently cut off.

“PINKIE, as much as I enjoy your enthusiasm in regard to this obviously unique opportunity, we still face a creature that is unknown to pretty much all of us. How about taking this situation with a tad bit more seriousness despite its initially friendly demeanor?” The drama queen stated, being the second one to finally leave the huddle pile herself and stepping up behind the pink horse.

Actually, now that I think about it. The term PONY would be more accurate to describe these creatures, given their size and looks.

Still somewhat reminded me of care bears though, which is already a sin in my book.

Anyway, the now dubbed Pinkie, (which is super cliché, by the way) just huffed in protest. “Seriousness? Of course, I am taking this situation very seriously. I am trying to make friends with a very strange and never before seen creature in hope of getting it on our side instead of becoming yet another meanie beanie just like queen meanie. At least one of us has to take the bullet here.” She announced, causing a certain skittles to fly up from her spot in protest.

“Making friends? Are you insane, Pinkie?” She suddenly stopped herself before shaking her head. “You know what? Never mind that question, Pinks, but still…” She pointed a very rudely pointed hoof at me. “… this thing has slammed a door directly on my head. How in Celestia’s name can that be considered friendly?” She argued, causing some of the ponies around her to roll their eyes.

Though her anger flailed for just a moment as she realized something. “Wait… what’s a bullet anyway?” She asked, confused.

Sadly in vain, as purple suddenly decided to destroy its existence by going all frantic and panicky for no reason, stealing the show as she did. “Oh dear Equestria, I forgot?” She shouted causing everyone to look at her.

“Forgot what, Twi?.” Misses America asked next to her.

The now dubbed Twi looked at her with both confusion and slight anger. “About Princess Celestia of course, and the fact that Nightmare Moon is still at large and out there somewhere doing heavens know what. She could even be holding princess Celestia captive for all we know!” She ranted before devolving into a panic-filled tantrum as she began to zip about in the room, mostly near the bookshelves which basically surrounded us.

I, on the other hand, just mentally shrugged. Whatever demons she was momentarily facing were none of my concern anyway, especially when I had zero ideas as to what she was talking about. The troubles of this world were not mine to be troubled about anyway. In fact…

“Hello, beautiful.” I exclaimed as I remembered the still-steaming mug next to me. The reality of my situation finally beginning to dawn on me as I quickly sat up and grabbed my mug.
Yeah, I know. I am somewhat slow when it comes to that. Call it a serious case of “Ignorance is bliss” syndrome. A medical condition that has, so far, only been serving me quite well ever since I first displayed its symptoms long ago, allowing me to stay calm in certain situations while everybody else around me freaked out... which was exactly what was happening right now with purple over here.

So really, there was never quite the need for me to fix up this issue, and frankly, how can I even begin to question my situation when everything here looks just as cartoony as…well…a cartoon? A media I have always loved since I was a kid and still do to this day, which is one of the reasons why I am so incredibly easy going with my situation in the first place. It’s like how my uncle always used to say, “Watch enough cartoons every day and maybe, one day, you will wake up in one”. Which… didn’t exactly happen the way it was phrased as my living room simply warped itself into a cartoon instead. But hey, still the same thing in the same bling.

The point is, I have managed to finally fulfill my third most desired dream of my life, only topped by the likes of visiting Charlie's chocolate factory as second and eventually ending up to the Shivering Isles as first, with visiting Switzerland fourth to finally try out all of their cheese at once.

Happy me for finally checking out the third item on the list.

Either way, I still needed coffee to get through this realization and to prevent losing what little sanity I have left. So, I grabbed my mug, held it up high and proceeded to finally move it closer to my lips when Pinkie over there decided to pull a willy on me instead, getting my attention as she hopped up and down in front of me.

“Lady, I need my damn coffee damn it. Stop with the lollygagging”
“Ooh, ooh, ooh. I totally forgot.” She exclaimed before extending a hoof towards me. “Hi there, I am Pinkie Pie, or simply Pinkie for short as everypony liked to call me. Why? Because I am friends with everypony. So I guess you can say that “ALL” of my friends call me Pinkie.” She introduced, giving me a little wink at the end of that before beaming the most cartoonish looking smile I have ever saw… in the last 12 hours.

I looked at her extended hoof silently at first before finally letting my mug back down (reluctantly) and accepting her gesture. Why? Because the other hand is busy helping me to keep one half of my body upright, that’s why.
She smiled before another pony quickly stepped in, this one being misses fabulous herself.

“Well, I guess there is no harm in introducing ourselves, I guess. If Pinkie somehow trusts you then I see no reason why we shouldn’t.” She stated before striking a bit of a pose and pointing a hoof at herself. “Well then, my name is Rarity. Local fashionista and tailor of this town and one of Pinkie’s close friends. Nice to make your acquaintance.” She announced, extending her own hoof towards me which I also graciously accepted.

I may be… different, but even I still understand the concept of simple social interactions, ethics, and basic human decency. Even though I generally don’t get out so much thanks to my couch potato status.

I nod. “Well, the pleasure is all mine then, miss Rarity. “I began, kissing her hoof for basic effect which made her giggle.” The name is Alexander, by the way. Alexander Becker in full, but you can also call me Alex if my full title is too much of a mouthful for you.” I introduced myself, before finally letting go of the fashionista’s hoof.
“Ooh, blueberry.” I comment after taking a sniff of my hoof-shaking hand.

Rarity beamed. “Well, yes, I do tend to make use of some fragrances once in a while. A mare like me does have standards, after all ” She answered before another pony quickly stepped up. This one being misses America herself.
“Well howdy there, Alex. My name is Applejack, or AJ for short if MY name is too much of an apple pie for you to chew on. Nice to make your acquaintance as well.” She introduced, also taking hold of my hand and shaking it violently just like how all westerns do.

How do I know? Well, I don’t.

Next was skittles who basically just hovered above her friends with her hooves crossed. “The name is Rainbow Dash, and, I will be keeping a very close eye on you. So don’t try anything.” She announced, which in turn caused both AJ and Rares to silently groan to one another.

I, on the other hand, thought. “Same as me skittles, same as me. Just so I can figure out what makes you tick and exploit the ever living shit out of it… if I can both brother and remember to do that.” I mused.

RD, obviously oblivious to both my thoughts and the combined groans of her teammates simply continued to hover above us while still keeping a close eye on me.

Last but not least least was the yellow one, who, at this point, really has been the only member of this group who hasn’t said or squeaked a single tone off of her. Or at least so I think. But either way, the reasons why could probably be because of the fact that she was staring right into my soul with such curiosity and wonder that it should be molesting of the first degree.

Or maybe I just don’t like to be stared at for that long. That is usually my job.

“Uhm… Fluttershy dear, are you… are you alright?” Rares asked, waving her hoof in front of the elusive pegasus pony which did the trick in snapping her out of it.

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that there were different kinds of ponies too? Like Rare and Twi having horns, yellow and skittles having wings and Pinks and ‘murica where the boring ones.

Racism at its finest.

Either way, she stammered, a slight blush appearing on her cheeks as she hid herself a bit behind that long, silky pink mane of hers.

“O-oh… uhm yeah… sorry for staring but…” She perked back up somewhat. “I… I was just wondering what he may be… like…” She paused a bit.” Like what kind of a species he is and what it’s called. I can’t remember seeing, hearing or reading anything that even remotely matches the description of his appearance… maybe a minotaur to some degree, but other than that I have no idea.” She quickly went back to being shy after that. “Oh and… sorry for asking… so much. My name is Fluttershy, by the way.” She finished before pawning the woodwork with her hoof awkwardly while looking away.
I just “hummed” to that. “Silent, shy, socially awkward? Wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up to be the KINKIEST one in the group. It’s always the quiet ones who are the most “mature”, if Anime has taught me anything.” I thought while giving her a dose of unbreakable attention.

Anyway, I was about to reply to her question when a certain enemy encounter happened. That enemy being Twi-face herself.

“What the hay are you all even doing? The very fate of Equestria hangs in the balance and you all start conversing about introductions and what in Celestia’s name this creature is? We can all worry about that AFTER we stop Nightmare Moon!” She pushed, still being in panic mode with the added upgrade of slight irritation in her tone.

This pretty much got everybody’s attention, Focusing back to whatever cartoon villain they needed to stop and yabba yabba doo. I, of course, was more or less in the dark with all of it, with no significant connection to any of those names and urgencies she spouted.

Again, for very obvious reasons which don’t need further explanation, even in the upcoming future, if there is any. Not sure how long this trip will last, but I am certain that it will be longer than your typical Disneyland visit. Why? Because I don’t remember much of my last Disneyland visit besides a few passing memories. I was only 3 at the time, so there is that.

“Hmm, even my hands and legs seemed to have a much more… cartoony look to them. I guess whatever voodoo hoodoo transported me here also did something to my outer appearance to fit a little bit better with this more cartoonish environment I found myself in. Good, another thing to check off my lives bucket list. Becoming a cartoon, yourself.” I thought to myself with ever increasing glee and childlike wonder as some kind of “important discussion” was happening around me that I was obviously not paying attention to at the moment.

In fact, I wasn’t the only one to momentarily disconnect themselves from the confines of reality. Pinkie too seemed to be off topic herself as she was still grinning at me, so was yellow as she too had her blue little eyes glued on me.
Well, I say little, but honestly these ponies have some rather huge eyes. Typical for cartoon characters… of course.
Not sure what is going through her mind, but I can easily guess what is going through Pinks’ at the moment, simply because I once though the same thing when I was looking at an animal I have never seen before.

“Does it like schwarzwälder torte?” A thought we all eventually asked ourselves for no real reason when faced with something we have never seen before, though I sometimes like to mix it up by asking if it likes cheese or not.
Either way, my own musing was cut short when ‘murica over there pointed a hoof at me. For what reason I will of course soon find out.

“What about the newcomer?” She asked, both to my expectation and added confusion.
Skittles quickly butted in as she always does. “I, for one am, with AJ on this one. We can’t leave this… well, Alex, out of our sight while we still don’t know if we can even trust him or not. As much as this might end up to be a drag, I think we should take him with us.” She suggested.

Twi, or rather Twilight as I heard some of them call her sometimes, simply stayed silent for a moment while she seemed to be very busy with trying to make a mental decision about this. How do I know? Well, the impatient and concentrated expression she was wearing was a pretty good indicator for that.

Either way, she eventually sighed. “Well, alright, fine. But we have to move quickly. With the help of this book, I know where the Elements are hiding, which will be somewhat difficult to get there but it still should be doable. Maybe there is still hope in catching up with Nightmare Moon and reversing all of this if we move quickly.” She announced before quickly making it to the door that I even haven’t noticed was there.

Why? Well, because I haven’t bothered to turn myself around just yet. The position I was sitting in would make it rather difficult and also somewhat painful. Plus I was too lazy, so there was that.

Either way once more, the group quickly followed her, leaving me alone sitting on the floor with a still-steaming mug next to me.

“Seems like they are off to an adventure. No matter, more room, silence, and a good hot steaming coffee for me.” I thought to myself with a smile before picking the novelty mug back up again, ready to finally take a sip from it after all of this unnecessary bullshit about care bear ponies and generally fucking up the rest of my day’s schedule.

Or I would have if the universe didn’t have the last say in this, like how it always does.

One day, universe, one day, when I finally reach the Shivering Isles and pick up the mantle of the new Daedric prince of Madness. Then, then I will make sure to dictate for you what can and what cannot be.

Because Madness doesn’t need to make sense.