“So yer sayin' you saw Rainbow Dash make it out of here, huh?” Applejack asked.

“Yup!” Lyra smiled as she finished stitching together a “saddlebag” made out of four combined leather satchels looted off the dead creatures. “Along with one of Shawn's friends, Michelle. We saw them go through a glowing door and disappear. In a blink, all that remained was their armor and collars. They have to be home-free as we speak right now.”

“Either that or Rainbow has learned herself some fancy schmancy magic tricks.”

Lyra giggled. “Applejack, you know as well as I do that nothing can hold back Rainbow Dash from winning at everything she sets her mind to. I wouldn't be surprised if she was the first pony to get out of here with her human partner.”

“I reckon that medal goes to Candy Floss,” Applejack said as Lyra trotted towards her with the bags. “She and a feller named Christopher got transported away before our very eyes two days ago. Then Kelly and I helped Cheerilee get through another glowy door along with her partner, Brian.”

“Oh yeah?”

“The passage was only wide enough to accept two of us by the time we got there, and Cheerilee was banged up something fierce...”

“Oh no!” Lyra's face paled. “How bad?”

“Assumin' she gets back safe'n'sound to Ponyville, Nurse Red Heart will fix her up no problem. The magic of the exit chamber was pretty weak, and could only take half of us home. Kelly and I figured we would have a better chance to survive a little bit longer than them two, so we gave the pair a ticket out of here, so to speak.”

“It never fails,” Lyra murmured with a smile. “You'll never stop being our town's most dependable of ponies.” She hoisted the bag up with her telekinesis and gave Applejack a look. “Ready?”

“As ready as I'll ever be.”

“Here goes.” She lowered the pouches over Applejack's armored spine.

“Whew!” Applejack exhaled as she took on the weight. “Heh. These ugly critters were carryin' an awful lot of useful junk with them. I wonder if this 'Sisyphus' character actually wants us to get ahead in the game.”

“Ew...” Lyra made a face. “Only Rainbow Dash would be crazy enough to call this entire nightmare a 'game.'”

“Makes you wonder why she got her flank out of the fight so quickly.”

“Knowing her, she's rounding up the Wonderbolts as we speak! Together they'll find a portal back to here so they can kick all these monsters where it hurts!”

“Darn tootin'!” Applejack said with a chuckle. “That’s just what we all need! Miss Braggin' Sassafras to the rescue!”

The two ponies laughed together. After a few seconds, the smile waned from Lyra's face. She stirred upon a stretch of platform untouched by blood. “Uhm... AJ?”

“Yeah, Lyra?”

“In all of the places you and Miss Kelly have been, I don't suppose... mmmm... I don't suppose you've seen—?”

“No, Lyra.” Applejack calmly trotted over and rested a hoof on the unicorn's shoulder. “But you have to remember, sugarcube, that this Sisyphus feller only grabbed the unlucky few of us who were sittin' around Sugarcube Corner at the time. I'm sure she was too far away to have been zapped away along with the rest of us.”

Lyra sighed long and hard, hanging her head. “I sure hope so, Applejack.”

“Hey...” Applejack forced Lyra to look up at her. “She's waitin' for ya, darlin'. Just like my family's waitin' for me. Let's be glad for that, and work our way out of this mess one hoof at a time, ya hear?”

Lyra nodded, biting her lip. “I-I think I can do that...”

“And then the two of us can take turns pluckin' Rainbow's feathers for her gettin' out of here so darn quick-like!”

“Heeheehee! Yeah! We'll make them our souvenirs!

“Hahahah!”

I sat in a slump against a metal pillar as I gazed at the two colorful equines laughing in each other's presence. With a groan, I rubbed my aching forehead and looked across the body-strewn platform beyond. “And I thought having one talking horse was annoying enough, much less two in the same chamber...”

A leather satchel flew against my head.

“Ow!” I frowned and looked upwards. “The fuck gives?”

“I do, from my heart,” Kelly said as she marched over with a matching satchel of her own. “I grabbed these off one of the bigger orcs. Take a look inside.”

Begrudgingly, I did so. I opened the leather flap and saw several clunks of stringy meat rolling around inside.

“Shit looks edible,” Kelly said with a mouthful from her own bag. She chewed on a few strips as she sat down against the pillar beside me. “We're gonna need all the strength we can get, especially now that we have two quadrupeds to keep up with.”

“Judging from the tight armor they gave you, perhaps it's best you lay off the beef jerky.”

“Hardy har har.” She pointed again. “Eat up before I make you swallow my fist instead.”

“Sure thing, captain, my captain.” I took a morsel and lifted it to my mouth. At the last second, I hesitated. I glanced at the two equines, then back at Kelly. “Uhm...You don't suppose it's pony, do you?”

“Nahhhh,” Kelly said between swallows. “Not the same kind of texture as horse meat. Trust me: I've watched the Discovery Channel one too many times.”

“Ah...” I nodded. I turned the morsel over in my fingers, gulped, and stammered, “Could it be people?”

“Mmmph...” She gulped and bit onto another strip. “I sure hope not.”

I shuddered and dropped the pouch to the floor between my knees. “I think I'll wait until after my goldfish memory forgets this conversation.” I rested my head against the pillar and sighed. “What I wouldn't give for a nice tall beer and a rerun of Quantum Leap right about now.”

“Heh...” Kelly swallowed another bite and smirked at me. “And here I was about to give you a pep talk, Shawn, but you surprise me. I didn't think you were confident enough to expect getting out of here.”

“You call this confidence?” I muttered as I gazed up at the distant ceiling of the dimly-lit cavern. “This is more like mental constipation. I swear, the moment I stop clenching my buttcheeks, my head's gonna shit out every fear and anxious thought I've ever conceived until I'm curling on the floor and calling for 'Mommy.' After all, who can blame me? We've been sent up gang-bang creek without a single condom, Kelly. Maybe now you can see why I'm pretending that I'll be alive to scream about this over Facebook in the next foreseeable future.”

“No,” she said. “But I can see why you pursued an English Major.”

“Could you at least tell me one thing?” I gazed lethargically her way. “Just what in God's name crawled up your butt and started injecting ecstasy into your guts? Cuz there's no way in fuck that a sane human being like you could be so calm about all this bullshit.”

“I'll tell you what it is if you tell me something else.”

“Try me.”

She closed the satchel, swallowed a last morsel, and smiled. “Were either of us doing anything better with our lives before this nightmare started?”

“Oh, terrific,” I groaned and rolled my eyes. “Next, you're going to tell me that this Sisyphus douchebag is 'doing us a favor.'”

“No, though I'll admit he's a tad bit more agreeable than the jerkoffs we've dealt with in the college admissions office,” she said. “Look, Shawn.” She pointed at me. “You're no warrior badass, and I'm no femme fatale. Despite the way things look, I'm just as scared shitless as you are. When I first dropped into this place, I didn't know what to do with myself. I saw the kind of creature I was collared to, the nasty freaks that were charging us, and the blissfully deep canyons beneath the platform. Guess which one of those three things I wanted to toss myself at first?”

I squinted. “What kept you?”

Kelly looked across the way at our colorful partners. “Applejack was just as freaked out as I was. I couldn't shake the fact that if I abandoned her, she wouldn't last one solitary minute against all those monsters, no matter how strong she was. So, I stayed around, and I fought. I did it because I wanted her to be safe. And you know what? I felt pretty good about it. It so happens that I was rewarded too. I got to see Chris and Brian make it home safely.”

“Assuming they made it home at all,” I said in a grumbling voice. “When Michelle and that flying gay pride flag made it through the glowy door, all Lyra and I saw was their armor and collars rattling to a stop in place of their bodies. Who's to know if Sisyphus just sent them to pony Hell?”

Kelly shrugged. “You're right, Shawn. I've no clue. A lot of what we're dealing with relies on fate.”

“Fat load of crud that's gonna do us...”

“Somehow I had no doubt that would be your response.” She winked and leaned back. “The fact is, I discovered that I was here to do more things than save my skin. It's been—what?—how many days? Three? Four? In all that time, I feel like I've gotten stronger. Other people—and other ponies—are alive now thanks to what we've done since we were dropped here. Hell, Applejack and I could have gotten away sooner, but we decided to let Brian and Cheerilee pass through the last door we saw while we fended off the enemy.”

“Were you out of your fucking minds?” I frowned at her. “You had a chance to get out of this hellhole! What stopped you from diving in with them?”

“The door didn’t have enough energy to take all four of us home. Besides...” Kelly looked at me with a heated glare. “There's more to life than saving one's skin. I didn't believe that before coming here. Now, in spite of all the horrible things I've seen, I consider myself a better person.”

“What's the point in being a better person if you end up living it as a corpse?” I said coldly.

“Is surviving all that matters to you, Shawn?”

“It was before we came to this cesspool,” I said, stifling a yawn. “It will be when I get back... assuming I do.”

Kelly giggled, a strangely childish sound for her. “I can't believe you've spent the better part of four days with a bright-eyed pony and still you're the same nihilistic asshole I always veered away from in the hallway between classes.”

“Yeah, and if you ask me,” I said with a wry smirk. “I think you've gotten a little too close to 'Golden Crisps' over there.”

“Applejack.”

“Whatever.”

“Seriously, though,” Kelly leaned forward in a squat and rested her arms on her knees. “You never bothered getting to know your unicorn friend as more than just a battle partner?”

“Whether we be in a barnyard or Hell itself, a horse is a horse. Ahem. No thank you.”

“Pfft! I'm not asking you french kiss the damn pony, Shawn!” She smirked. “As weird as they may look and sound, these are very kind, very intelligent, very interesting creatures!” She pointed across the way. “Applejack, believe it or not, runs an apple orchard just outside a town that her grandmother helped found. Their world is a place called Equestria, populated by several species of living, breathing, talking horses.” She smiled brightly. “Did you know that they have a goddess incarnate named Princess Celestia who raises the Sun with her own magic? What's more, her sister Luna has total control over the moon. Then, once a year, there's a great migration of dragons that flies across the land to lay their eggs.”

“I get it,” I grumbled. “They don't just live in stables, they're from Space-Narnia. What do you want me to do, Kelly, write up something for National Geographic?” I glared tiredly at her. “Look, all I want is to get out of this place one way or another. If Lyra gets back home to prance with Mr. Ed, fine. At least I'll be rid of her constant whining.”

“Heh... heheh...” Kelly leaned back. “So you're telling me that she's the whiner.”

I blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I think you're only hurting yourself with this stand-offish-ness, Shawn,” Kelly said. “And Lyra too.”

“How so?”

“Think of it. I know that all you want to do is survive. I won't harsh you for that. It's only natural, after all. But sooner or later, you gotta wake up to the fact that you just might not make it out of this place in one piece.”

“Oh, I'm quite aware of that.”

“Are you?” She raised an eyebrow and looked sharply my way. “Cuz you hardly seem prepared.”

“Do tell...”

Her face took on a soft expression as she said, “This Sisyphus creep has paired us up with these ponies for a reason. They think the awkwardness will hurt us, will turn our companions into crutches. I don't think he knows what he's actually done. Applejack has benefited from my practical-mindedness, and I've been incredibly blessed by her sweet nature and sincere emotions. If I die, I want nothing more than to be surrounded by this bond I've made, because it could very well be the last thing I feel.” She gulped and looked steadily at me. “You and Lyra may be experiencing your last days, Shawn. Do you really want those hours to go by so coldly, so lonesomely?”

I sighed. I stared into the mess of dead orcs and trolls before us. “We're all alone, Kelly,” I muttered. In a blink, I thought of Blake's panicked eyes, of Barbara and Kyle choking on their own blood. “Being brought here has only reinforced that. So save me the damn lecture, will ya?”

Kelly was quiet. Eventually she nodded and said, “I just wish I could save you, is all.”

I said nothing.

Applejack trotted up around this point. “Okay, y'all. I'm fitted up something proper.” She shook her sides, showing the leather pouches tethered to her body. “Reckon ya got yerself a regular packhorse, heh.”

“I helped!” Lyra said with a nervous smile.

“Hmmm...” Kelly stood up, smiled, and ruffled Lyra's mane. “I'm sure you did! Guess now's as good a time as any to head out. Shawn?”

I was already standing up, grumbling. “Tell me something I don't know.”

“Well, alright.” Kelly bent over and smiled at the pretty ponies. “Shawn's done nothing but stare at my butt since we reunited!”

I barked, “I have not!”

“You think I should just give him my leg plates and let him get it over with?” Kelly winked and marched on.

Applejack laughed to herself.

Lyra was blinking. “I don't get it...”

“What she means, sugarcube...” Applejack winked at the unicorn and trotted off to stay within Kelly's collar range. “...is that stallions ain't the only creatures with an extra leg.”

“Really?” Lyra turned and gaped at me before putting her helmet on. “Does it have toes too?”

“Don't you even start,” I grumbled as I marched after Kelly, the group's self-appointed leader. “God, I hope we get to fight trolls soon.”