I lay in bed, simply staring up at the ceiling with nothing but the steady breathing of Spike to break the agonizing silence. My watch has been scrambled since I got here and, I honestly don't care enough to fix it but even without it, I Know it's been a few hours. I hear Twilight in the hallway probably walking back to her room after studying all night. She seems to stop at her door and enter another room, closing it behind her gently. I let out a sigh as I try and make myself comfortable for probably the 40th time.

I can't stop thinking about her, I simply can't get her out of my mind. If I keep this up I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight. Its started to anger me how difficult this is to move past. I usually move past and get over my hardships pretty quickly as I've found that stressing over something I can't change is a waste of energy, which is better spent elsewhere. But this time I'm dwelling on my sorrow with no sign of stopping any time soon. I eventually turn over to my side to see if that makes a difference and I'm met with Nightmare's glowing watchful eyes.

“You know... it isn't polite to stare.” I mumble quietly.

“Why are you not sleeping?” Nightmare asks me sharply.

“I dunno. Just can't sleep. What does Equestria have a curfew or something?” I raise a brow and lean back slightly as she creeps closer and leans forward.

“No. It is just odd that you've managed to stare at a ceiling for 2 hours.” Nightmare blinks.

“...” I stare at her.

“What?” She Frowns.

“You've been watching me all this time?” I am honestly creeped out.

“Yes of course.” Nightmare looks at me like it's the most normal thing in the world.

“Why???” My eyes widen.

“I take my tasks very seriously.” Her powerful gaze falters for a moment.

“Nightmare…” I sigh and shake my head. “We clearly need to establish some ground rules.” I sit up slightly. I'm surprised when I'm pushed down onto the bed by an invisible force.

“Just quit your mumbling and go to sleep.” She orders Quite sternly.

“I mean I'd fucking love to but you're making it difficult.” I Frown.

“Would you like me to help you along?” She asks with a malicious grin.

“What do you mean by that? You're not going to knock me out or something right?” I blink.

“Noooo~” She says as she lowers her hoof that she was probably going to deck me with.

“Uh-huh.” I deadpan.

“Well there is something I could try.” Nightmare rubs her chin with her hoof.

“I swear to God if you chloroform me.” My eye twitches at the sight of her summoning a suspicious rag.

“You're no fun.” She vaporizes the rag with her horn which both relieves me and disturbs me further.

“Because sleeping is definitely a time to have fun and you wouldn't know fun if it kicked you in the Face.” I roll my eyes. She starts to giggle Quite sinisterly.

“And that is where you're wrong.” Nightmare smirkes. I sit up and fold my arms staring the smug mare down.

“Fun for you is screwing with me.” I grumble.

“Yes but you just got here boy. There are other ways to have fun.” Nightmare still smirks at me.

“Like?” I deadpan.

“Well why don't I just show You?” Nightmare climbs onto the bed throwing me way off guard.

“What happened to sleepi-hey watch it!” I snap in a quiet whisper when One of her hoofs almost flatten my balls.

“Be still boy.” she towers over me and narrows her eyes.

“What are you doing anyway? I hope you know I don't give free rides.” I quip. Nightmare Deadpans and looks down at me likely disappointed. She casually raises a hind leg only to bring it down right on my sack

“FUUUU-” I Scream before the glow of Nightmare's horn suddenly makes me mute. She deadpans and seems to wait for me to finish.

“Relax yourself. I've never done this before.” She commands. Her eyes start to glow pure white. At first I try to protest and I'm horrified, but for some reason it all seems to fade very quickly as my eyelids feel heavy. A moment later I shoot awake, except this time I'm floating above the bed.

“Excellent it worked!” Nightmare's voice echos from behind me. I turn and see her float up to to me with her wings spread. She looks the same but her usual armor seems to be missing allowing her mane to flow more freely.

'Wow...she looks better without the armor’

Not even gonna lie. She's really quite majestic.

'Wait a second we should be pissed right now! She kicked us in the balls!’

Yeah but I don't feel it anymore. Also I'm pretty sure I just got turned into a ghost.

'whut’

“What exactly worked?” I'm absolutely confused as I look at my hands everything in the environment has this odd blur to it.

“This is the dream walking spell.” Nightmare informs.

“Wait don't you do this all the time why are you so surprised it worked.?” my brow flattens.

“Yes but bringing someone else in with me during the spell is a foreign concept. I'm glad it went off without any hitches.” Nightmare looks around the room. I look down at the bed where I was and what I see makes my cheeks light up.

“Uh... nightmare we have a problem.” My eye twitches. She floats over next to me and follows my gaze to the bed. On the bed I'm on my back knocked the fuck out while she was laying right on top of me out cold.

“Huh. Will ya look at that.” Nightmare looks stoic and yet I see her cat pupils shrink more.

“Is that us in the real world?” I turn to her and she looks at me.

“Hmm. Of course not don't be ridiculous.” She smirks slightly. I see myself grip her voluptuous ass Quite tightly her squishy bottom acts like puddy in my hands. The sleeping Nightmare hums happily as her Wings open up and wrap around me.

“You sure??” I'm horrified with a slight hint of that other feeling that I'd rather not admit.

“Yes I'm sure. Do not question me boy...” Nightmare scolds and seems to lose interest.

“Alright…” I sigh and shrug eventually turning away from the bed.

“Besides. I'd rather not risk frying your Puny brain a second time, just to reposition ourselves.” Nightmare mutters.

“Wait a second run that by me again?” My eyes widen.

“Shut up and follow me.” Nightmare says before floating away from the bed and turning her attention elsewhere. I glance back at us laying there with a pit forming in my stomach. I try to brush it off as some dream induced illusion but honestly I'm not quite sure how things work around here. I'm pretty sure what I'm seeing is part of a messed up Nightmare...no pun intended.

“Give me a minute...this is the equivalent of playing inverted…” I say as I find that for the most part I can fly around the room by thought alone, generally feeling weightless.

“It's not that complicated.” Nightmare frowns as she hovers over to the sleeping Dragon. I eventually get my bearings and direct myself to land over next to her.

“I've got the hang of it I think but question time.” I say as I look down at Spike and notice he looks transparent and has a faint Cyan outline.

“What?” Nightmare looks at me with some impatience.

“Why are we doing this again? And what exactly is THIS anyway?” I ask.

“I'm showing you fun remember? There's plenty of entertainment to be had out of dream walking.” Nightmare smirks at me.

“Oh...if you say so.” I swallow my spit as I look down at my now ghostly hands.

“On the bright side you'll finally be getting the rest you've been longing for all day even while we do this.” She nudges me. I take a glance over to the big bed and I see her tail wrap and curl itself around my inner thigh.

Just ignore it...it's fake right?

'You better pray it is.’

“I guess you're right but I'm assuming this lets us jump into people's dreams?” I raise a brow.

“Mmmhmm!” Nightmare is still smirking.

“Ok I have to admit that's pretty awesome. But isn't it kind of a dick move to just plop into people's dreams like that. Fooling around in someone's mind is an invasion of privacy.” I bring up my concern.

‘COUGH Celestia COUGH’

Yeah I didn't forget about that shit. I honestly don't look forward to seeing her for that reason. Nightmare Deadpans and slowly turns to me.

“We can't Really make major alterations to Their Dreams. It's Their head so they're in charge. Do you want to have fun or not?” She growls. Intake a moment to accept my own hypocrisy before sighing.

“Fuck it whatever..” I roll my eyes.

“Good. Now follow me!” Nightmare says as she flies over to Spike before diving right into his head where she phases in and Disappears.

“Ugh..what the fuck is my life right now?” I mutter as I float in the air take a deep breath and dive into Spike's head just as Nightmare Does. There is a bright white flash of light before I find myself suddenly feeling the influence of gravity again, the light fades to reveal what looks like the hall of a Castle.

“Ah there you are. I was Beginning to worry.” Nightmare sighs in relief As I walk next to her.

“Hold on what? You were worried?” I blink in Surprise.

“Shut it Derrick. What's important is that you're here now.” She shakes her head.

“So ‘here’ is Spike's dream huh? Where is the little guy anyway?” I look around in confusion.

“Hmm. I'm not sure. Wait.” Nightmare's ears perk up when she seems to hear something.

“Come along this way Please.” I hear a gruff unfamiliar voice down at the end of the hall.

“Should we hide?” I whisper to Nightmare.

“What's the point? He can not see you if you do not wish to be seen.” Nightmare explains.

“Huh. Neat.” I smile as I look down at my hands which still have a very slight transparency.

“Here he comes.” Nightmare nudges me to get my attention and I watch as a somewhat tall and muscular Dragon wearing the upper half of a tuxedo and sharing Spike's color scheme walk around the Corner. The mare that comes behind him surprises me because I actually recognize her.

“Rarity?!” I blurt with wide eyes.

“Yes..this one is fond of the element of Generosity.” Nightmare snickers. I watch in disbelief and amusement as they both Walk along the hall.

“This castle is quite impressive dear. You have good taste in decor.” Rarity compliments as she looks around at the castle in awe.

“It's all for you my dear. This is where we shall return after our wedding!” Spike smirks proudly.

“Oh I can't wait to have my big brave Drake officially as my husband” Rarity sighs and rubs Against spikes leg.

“My god this is horrible, and I love it.” I'm holding in laughter.

“Oh it gets much worse. I believe I've seen this one before.” Nightmare has a huge grin on her face showing off her fangs.

“After all who Wouldn't want to be married to the Supreme Chancellor King Ruler Overlord of the world?” Rarity has a half lidded expression.

“Don't forget I'm the same Supreme Chancellor King Ruler Overlord that saved the Universe 14 times.” Spike looks proud of himself.

“Oh my how could I forget. I apologise King Chancellor Overlord.” Rarity Does the pony equivalent of a facepalm.

“You mean SUPREME Chancellor King Ruler Overlord.” Spike corrects.

“What the actual Fuck is this?! He must have fallen Into a pit of Redundancy!” My sides hurt me as I start to laugh.

“Like a bad Fanfiction.” Nightmare snickers.

“You guys have that shit here too?” I exhale loudly out of my nose.

“Of course!” Nightmare informs.

“This boy is mad.” I'm in disbelief as Nightmare starts to full on laugh.

“Twilight? Could you come here please?” Spike claps his hands together and I hear someone rush over seemingly from nowhere. I see Twilight rush out with a maid outfit that is obviously designed to show off and highlight some…. “choice”... parts.

“This part is new!” Nightmare blinks in Surprise as she continues to cackle.

“But why though?” I turn pale when I realize this is the second time I've seen Twilight's nether region. I'm also calling bullshit on Spike simply being a baby, dude obviously knows some things considering his mind made that skimpy outfit. At this point Nightmare is literally on the floor dying of laughter.

“Yes Supreme Chancellor king Ruler overlord?” Twilight asks obediently.

“Be a dear and Fetch the others to help you prepare a meal for us.” Spike orders.

“Right away my Supreme Chancellor king Ruler Overlord.” Twilight Kneels down respectfully giving me a view I could have gone the night without. It gets worse When I see Celestia, Luna and...NIGHTMARE? Im Fucking speechless.

'Oh look they have on the same outfits!’

“Oh sweet Jesus BAHAHA!” My sides must have been left behind in the real world because I can no longer feel them. Nightmare sees herself in the outfit and Immediately stops laughing, her face lighting up like a tomato and a mix of fury and Embarrassment.

“IS THIS BOY MAD?!” Nightmare yells out, her voice booming.

“Daaw that outfit looks cute on you!” I tease before laughing harder.

“WE’RE LEAVING.” Nightmare booms loudly as her horn flashes and blinds me. I cover my eyes and feel weightless again as Nightmare removes us from Spike's weird dream.

“Holy shit I needed that laugh.” I'm still chuckling some while Nightmare Silently stares at me with a Twitchy eye.

“Are you finished you incompetent pervert?” Nightmare asks me in a tone I'm not familiar with, her ears are slightly dropped down.

“Hey it was his dream not mine.” I smirk.

“Oh yeah? Well what about that figment of us?” Nightmare points back to the bed where we were still sleeping, Quite disturbingly peacefully I might add.

“Not mine.” I put my hands in my pockets.

“Are you suggesting It's mine?” Her eyes widen as her cheeks turn red.

“I dunno Nightmare. All I know is your tail shouldn't be in there.” I point to the tip of her tail slipping into my pants.

“Well your hands should not be there!” She snaps as she points to my hand still squeezing the shit out of her voluptuous ass.

“Fair point. You're enjoying it though.” I point out correctly as I see Nightmare smiling contently and moaning quietly.

“Shut up!” She snaps and forces herself not to look. It doesn't really bother me too much considering its fake.

'Or is it?’

….

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME BECAUSE ITS FAKE!

“I wonder what else the hatchling's mind cooked up in our absence” Nightmare seems to shudder.

“Who cares about that. Want to keep dreamwalking? This is actually kind of fun.” I have a genuine smile that surprises Nightmare and seemingly calms her.

“Actually...I'd love to.” Nightmare smiles back at me.

“Maybe go see what Twi’s mind cooked up?” I suggest. She's about to open her mouth but she stops when the sun starts to rise and slowly fill the room with light through the window.

“I'm afraid it will have to wait until next Time..” Nightmare sighs, looking a bit disappointed.

“Heh oh well. It was indeed fun while it lasted.” I shrug.

“Before I pull us out you must promise me something.” Nightmare looks quite serious.

“Huh?” I blink.

“You must not speak of this activity to Luna…” Nightmare averts her eyes from me.

“What do you mean? I thought the dream walking thing was fine.” I furrow a brow.

“The spell is not for eavesdropping. It is supposed to be used to combat nightmares” She explains.

“Soo….you?” I raise a brow.

“No... ACTUAL nightmares.” She shakes her head.

“Yeah. You.” I repeat with a straight face. Nightmare gives me an annoyed look and I snicker.

“I'm going to assume that was a poor attempt at a joke.” She's Unamused, almost looking offended.

“Yeah but it's not my fault it's your name. Maybe I should call you something else...like Nina or Naomi...or just Night.” I rub my Chin.

“You won't if you like your tongue where it is.” Her eye twitches.

“Or not.” I gulp as the world around us begins to fade as our bodies are likely waking up. Everything begins to phase out completely into black and once again I feel gravity's influence.

I now feel something heavy on top of me…

…

No…

I slowly open my eyes and notice most of my vision is blocked by dark blue fur that seems to shift when I try to move.

Nooooo…..

I realize a mare is on top of me and she leans back to look at me. Nightmare's very sleepy Eyes turn into dinner plates when we make eye contact.

…

…

...

We Silently stare each other down, sharing an equal case of embarrassed red cheeks. I remove my hand from her ass as she removes her tail from my pants, our breathing hitching when we do. Nightmare slowly stands up and removes her wings from me as I scoot back on the bed slightly and sit up. Without a word she fades into smoke leaving me sitting there in silence.

…

Well...that just happened. This is going to be an awkward conversation next time we meet.

…

Also this case of morning wood Is making me question my existence.

I sit up in the bed and freeze when I hear a tiny yawn. My head darts to the “baby” Drake that has just awoken. He rubs his eyes and looks around the room. My heart freezes when he spots me and stops dead. I see his face shift from surprise to a fierce suspicious glare inside a 2 second span.

“Heh hey there kiddo-”

“TWILIGHT!” Spike screams at the top of his lungs. A second later I hear the sound of someone busting Their ass in the next room followed by a loud electrical Zap as Twilight appears in a Flash of light. She looked like she was still half asleep and her normal neat mane was quite messy.

“Spike what is it?” She yawns as she rubs her eyes with her hoof. Spike says nothing and simply points a Shaky claw at me.

“Mornin.” I blink as Twilight turns to me. She blinks and sighs before turning to Spike.

“Spike this is my Human friend DJ. I let him stay for the night. There's nothing to be afraid of.” Twilight shakes her head.

“None of that sentence made any sense.” Spike deadpans.

“Well that's what happens when a Drake decides to miss out on everything and sleep all day.” Twilight quips as she starts to leave the room.

“I was sleepy!” Spike Looks slightly ashamed.

“Yeah yeah. Come downstairs and help me get breakfast Started.” Twilight yawns as she walks over to the door.

“We're just gonna gloss over the completely mythical creature sitting in the room?” Spike's eye twitches.

“I'll fill you in on what you missed during your hibernation.” Twilight turns and raises a brow.

“Geez it was just a day…” Spike grumbles as he gets up out of his bed and takes his little ass out of the room. Twilight looks at me and smiles.

“Did you sleep well?” She asks hopefully.

“It took me a while to fall asleep but yeah….mostly. “I scratch the back of my neck and smile nervously as I think back to the incident with Nightmare.

“Well at least you got some sleep. Ready for breakfast?” She tilts her head.

“I'm not sure Twilight. I should probably get going…” I say glancing away at my bag. When I look back I see Twilight's ears have lowered slightly.

“Why are you in a rush? You should have time to eat something at least.” Twilight seems to pout. Dammit that face is hard to resist!

“Alright if you insist.” I give in when I feel how hungry I am. Which I find odd because of how ridiculously stuffed I was a few hours prior.

“Would you like anything in particular? Maybe some pancakes? Cereal? Eggs?” Twilight asks her ears returning to normal.

“Pancakes are fine.” I say quietly. Looking down at my hands.

“Alright it should be ready soon. “ Twilight turns and is about to walk out.

“Hey Twilight.” I call out to her making her stop.

“Yes DJ?” Her ears perk up as she looks at me curiously.

“Thanks for your hospitality...I really appreciate it.” I tell her still fiddling with my hands.

“You're welcome DJ.” She Smiles warmly before trotting off Quite happily. I remain silent as I slowly lay back again and stare up at the ceiling.

So this is my life now? Living in a society of Ponies. At this point I have to accept the fact I'm stuck and it will be quite a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully with time I can crawl out of this grand canyon size pit of depression I'm in right now.

I turn over in the bed and grab my phone off of the dresser I left it on and I check the battery I cringe when I see it's at 49% percent and I promptly shut it off to conserve it's life. Until I'm sure I can recharge the battery reliably I can't afford to use up the last of my energy just yet.

'You could be like those fruitcakes that think you can charge your phone with a Watermelon’

Do they even have Watermelon here?

My thoughts are scrambled whenever I smell the familiar intoxicating aroma given off by Pancakes and Eggs.

'Scrambled. Really?’

Yeah let's redo that one.

My thoughts were...wait a second I feel something. It reminds of that spine tingling feeling I got before I met Celestia for the first time. I seem to have an immediate flashback as I remember her telling me she'd check on me in the morning last night.

Definitely morning now.

…

Crap baskets.

My heart rate starts to increase asi shoot out of bed and try to think of possible exits. The window in this room doesn't even look like it opens so I rush out into the hallway. I take a calming breath and briefly close my eyes.

Hold on a second.

What the hell am I doing? It's just the Princess. Sure my first impression of her was kinda questionable but she's coming to check if I'm alright, taking time out of her probably busy schedule to see some human. I should be somewhat greatful at least.

‘...’

What?

‘Spiky. Mind. Dildo.’

…

…

…

Nope.

Gotta get the fuck outta here. I hear the sound of people talking downstairs already which proves how tuned out I was. As I run down the hallway I almost run Spike’s little ass right over.

“Hey!” Spike snaps loudly.

“Shhh!” I kneel down and shush him.

“What's your problem?” Spike demands as he folds his arms.

“Nothing. What do you want?” I ask Quietly.

“Twilight sent me up here to ask you to come down. Food is ready.” Spike says with a furrowed brow.

“Sweet!” I take a step towards the stairs and stop dead when I hear more people talking. “Uh spike?” I turn to him. He's got his little arms folded and he's tapping his foot impatiently.

“What?” He raises a brow.

“Who exactly is down there with Twilight right now?” I ask carefully.

“Princess Celestia.” He answers like it's obvious. My pupils shrink and my look of horror gets him to double take.

“You look like you've seen a ghost.” Spike observes.

“Spike I know we just met but I need a favor from you.” I put my hands on his tiny little shoulders.

“What exactly?” He's clearly creeped out as he pushes my hands away.

“I need you to stall for me.” I ask.

“Stall? What? What's the matter with you? “ He steps back.

“I'd like to avoid this encounter.” I tell him honestly.

“What the heck am I supposed to tell the Princess? Oh sorry he's sick come back later?” Spike deadpans.

“I dunno just tell her I'm not here or something. “ I shrug and walk past the stairs.

“But this is A Princess we're talking about. I can't just lie like that.” Spike shakes his head. Realizing this isn't going to work I sigh and clear my throat.

“Forget it. I'm out.” I start to walk past the stairs Again.

“But the Princess wants to see you.” Spike Reminds.

“The Princess can Go F-” I stop dead in my tracks when I see Twilight and Celestia looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs both of them looking Quite surprised.

“-Orget what I said! Need to wash up excuse me.” I smile nervously as I quickly walk past the now smug Spike and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

'Smooth.’

Yeah...a smooth fuck up alright. My situational awareness has become pretty narrow recently. Why didn't I Just suck it up and go downstairs? Now I'm stuck in here! I notice a small window in the bathroom and I let out a sigh of relief. Well I guess I'm not quite stuck After All!

I manage to open it and I see that I can fit through it if I'm careful enough. With my hand on the windowsill I stop for a moment to think about this whole thing. Where am I planning to go if I escape?

'Lyra?’

No this plan is fucked. Just go back and-

“DJ? Are you feeling alright?” Celestia asks from the other side of the door making me shudder. I think back to the last time I tried to make a daring escape and I sigh when I remember getting absolutely nowhere. I decide to man up and not do some crazy highjinx. I step out of the bathroom startling Celestia who takes a few steps back as I step into the hallway. She looks at me with her magical floating mane blowing in that bullshit non-exist wind- don't even get me started on why I will never get over that, as cool as it looks.

“Morning Princess. Im...fine.” I say so flatly that I can't even convince myself if I was telling the truth or not there. I try to avoid her gaze but eventually or eyes meet and I get that painful sting in my head again.

“You don't sound-” Celestia trails off with a quiet Gasp. She has an absolutely horrified look most likely from something she read off my mind. Hell if I know what she saw, considering my mind ever since I almost offed myself is the equivalent of Niagara falls, if all the water was replaced by reasons I miss earth and want to die. What could she possibly have seen?

…

…

...

Fuck.

“Can we stop with the damn mind reading already? It gives me a headache.” I snap in annoyance deciding to nip this shit in the bud right now. Celestia looks me in the eye, her ears are flat on her skull but this time I feel no spine tingling pain to accompany it. I can finally look into her beautiful magenta eyes without fear and I notice something Immediately.

They are wet.

“Derick I'm so sorry…” She says in a sympathetic tone.

“Look...I know what you saw. I'm over it already.” I say firmly.

“But you clearly are not..” Celestia points out with disturbing accuracy.

“I appreciate your concern but I don't wish to discuss it.” I interrupt sharply. The miserable look on her face right now honestly makes me regret my word choice heavily.

'Should have jumped out the window’

Should have pulled that fucking trigger.

“Is everything alright?” Twilight comes up the stairs and is behind Celestia who has her back to Twilight as she Continues to look at me.

“Yeah everything is fine. Uh did you say food was ready?” I slide my hands in my pockets and smile at Twilight slightly.

“Yes. I was hoping you and Princess Celestia would come get some before it got cold.” Twilight says.

“And we are.” I say as I walk past Celestia. Twilight smiles and trots down the stairs, I go to follow her but I stop on the first step and look back at Celestia. “Your Highness?” I call out to her softly. She uses her foreleg to wipe a tear from her eye and she straightens her composure.

“Coming.” She gives me a slight nod.

“Awesome sauce!” I smile as I continue down the stairs. I walk a few feet and stop at the bottom of the stairs only to find Celestia still at the top. Now I frown.

“What is it now?” I raise a brow.

“Awesome sauce?” Celestia looks bemused.

“Sauce that is also awesome. Come on it's self explanatory.” I shake my head.

“But why?” She starts to walk down the stairs.

“Why not? You hating on my sauce?” I joke.

“No?” Celestia blinks.

“Good. Because my sauce is boss.” I continue into the living room using my nose to locate Twilight's kitchen. I hear Celestia walk down the stairs.

“I thought it was awesome.” I Finally get a smile out of Celestia.

“Yeah. It is awesome. And boss simultaneously.” I say as I walk through a doorway and finally find Twilight's small kitchen. To my surprise it seems to have all your basic appliances like your fridge toaster and oven. I don't see a dishwasher which makes me wonder if they exist in Equestria at all.

“If you say so.” I hear Celestia say behind me. As I see 4 plates at the table, two of which are being eaten by Twilight and Spike. In spikes case it was more like inhaling rather than eating.

“Jesus Christ slow down before you hurt yourself!” My eyes widen and they stop to look at me, there's a large wad of syrup dripping down from Spike's mouth.

“Jesus Christ?” Twilight looks bemused, she's using telekinesis to eat with a fork Quite neatly.

“It's the Son of God for the Christian relig-Ugh never mind that.” I shake my head as I sit next to Twilight. Celestia sits down next to Spike and across the table from me. I notice Celestia still looks quite bothered she stares down quietly at her pancakes.

“Human religion? That sounds interesting.” Twilight smiles warmly.

“I'd rather not get into that... besides. Me being here stamps on all of the various beliefs anyway.” I deadpan as I grab a fork.

'Unless this is hell.’

If I'm honest this is a kick-ass hell considering the ones from various religions.

“Hm... interesting.” Twilight mumbles as she looks at the Princess. “Princess Celestia are you feeling ok? You haven't touched your pancakes.” Twilight looks at Celestia with worry.

“I'm quite alright. There's just a few things on my mind is all.” Celestia gives Twilight a heartwarming smile. “Don't worry about it.” Celestia tells Twilight. Twilight can't help but smile whenever Celestia takes a bite of the Pancakes and Smiles.

“How is it?” Twilight asks her.

“Delicious as always my faithful student.” Celestia complements. As they talk I slowly cut a stack, bring it to my face and put it in my mouth. I'm pleasantly surprised to find that they taste like earth pancakes possibly even better. I find myself eating faster than I usually do which makes sense considering this is the first real meal I've had since getting here that isn't straight junk food. I'm halfway finished before Twilight clears her throat.

“I see you're taking a liking to those.” Twilight smiles at me.

“They're pretty googh..” I mumble with food in my mouth. I hear Twilight giggle and Spike snicker prompting me to remember my manners and finish chewing.

“I'm Glad you like it!” Twilight looks absolutely elated.

“Did you make the mix yourself or do you ponies buy it premade?” I ask curiously.

“I used to buy the mix at the market but eventually I studied the formula for the mix and created my own version based off it. I believe it's vastly superior so far, Though next time I think I'll add a tad more Hay. “Twilight Explains.

“Huh.” I mutter after swallowing the last bit of pancake.

…

…

Hay….

…

...

“Um Twilight?” I'm pale as I turn to her.

“Yes?” Her smile fades some when she sees the stress on my face.

“Want to know a fun fact about Humans?” I feel a cold shiver down my back.

“Yes of course!” Twilight looks A Bit excited Again.

“We're not supposed to eat hay…” I state quietly.

“Oh….” Twilight's ears smack her skull.

“...” I look around blankly and Notice Spike looking surprised while Celestia is cringing Quite hard.

“You're not gonna die right?” Twilight asks very worriedly.

“Uh...no?” I raise a brow.

“You don't sound sure DJ.” Twilight's pupils shrink.

“I'm not.” I look back at her my own pupils shrinking.

“How do you not know!?” she raises her voice some.

“I dunno I just know Hay is not something we eat. I never needed an answer for this question because we never ate it!” I reply sharply.

“May Celestia have mercy on your soul…” Spike mumbles and continues to eat.

“Wat?” I blink. We use that phrase on Earth only with GOD instead of…

…

…

She's a GOD?!

The mind reading...the ridiculous magic...the bullshit flowing hair...the authority...it all makes COMPLETE sense now.

'Nope.’

It makes SLIGHTLY more sense!

Does that mean that Luna and Nightmare are also Gods? Wait but they split into two so that would be like a demigod? Two Smaller gods? So many questions!

“Spike don't say things like that! We should probably head to the hospital.” Twilight shoots out of her chair.

“Twilight chill out. I don't think there was enough hay in there to kill me and I haven't hurled my guts out yet so I think I'll live.” I tell her.

“Yet is the key word here.” Celestia says, finally piping up after finishing her meal. “How do you feel right now?” She asks, with clear concern.

“Fine I guess?” I shrug.

“A little warning of what's Hazardous to your kind would have been nice. What can you eat exactly?” Twilight asks with a sigh.

“Quite the variety of foods Actually. We are omnivores afterall.” I state.

“Omnivore? Doesn't that mean he eats plants and anim-” Spike trails off with a look of horror.

“We eat a variety of Grains, Fruits, Vegetables, Dairy as well as Meats and beans. Hay and Grass just isn't something that agrees with our stomachs.” I tell them. “Y'all are herbivores aren't you?” I guess.

“Indeed we are.” Twilight nods.

“Well...this could be a problem.” I sigh.

“You're not going to Spit roast me right?” Spike gulps nervously.

“No! We don't eat Dragons because they don't exist on our world and we don't eat Ponies either.” I deadpan.

“You had ponies on your world too?” Twilight gets this curious look that makes me uncomfortable.

“Yes. They just didn't talk...or have vomit Inducing color palettes.” I mutter.

“They don't talk?” Twilight raises a brow.

“On my world...on Earth... Humans were the only intelligent species.” I explain.

“Sounds... lonely.” Celestia mumbles.

“I guess.” I shrug.

“We've got a multitude of Species that are intelligent here. That's interesting.” Twilight has a notepad out and is Writing furiously with her magic. I flinch when her quill comically catches fire as she writes.

“I noticed.” I frown, the memory of Griffins from the party fresh in my mind.

“Seems to me like you don't like it much here.” Spike raises a brow.

“Not really.” I admit flatly.

“Then why don't you just go back?” Spike asks innocently. I feel my eye Twitch as my head snaps to him.

“I can't!” I snap Quite angrily making Twilight and Spike jump, Their chairs squeaking Against the floor. I see the fear and sadness in Their eyes and without looking I feel Celestia burning holes on the side of my head likely for lashing out at them. “I'm stuck here…” I sigh. Spike and Twilight share a look before Twilight turns to Celestia.

“Is...this true Princess?” Twilight asks after a long Silence.

“Unfortunately... yes it is.” Celestia sadly confirms, her ears flat on her skull.

“Oh...I'm sorry man.” Spike says carefully. I stand up from the table and pick up my plate.

“No need to apologise. It's none of your faults. Just have to move on with my life...I guess.” I take my dishes to the sink and look for a sponge.

“Just leave the dishes in there.” Spike tells me. I furrow my brow and do as he says. I fold my arms and lean against Twilight's refrigerator.

“So DJ...what does ‘moving on’ entail exactly?” Celestia asks me looking me in the eye. Twilight also looks at me and she's got this furiously curious look again as the pen and notebook float in the air behind her suspended in her magic. My god I wish she'd stop making that face she looks like someone who'd commit atrocities “for science”.

'Science face!’

We're not calling it that!

“I don't know… this place is Alien to me.” I sigh.

“Indeed it is, but that's why you've got me.” Celestia smiles warmly.

“Pardon?” I feel my pupils shrink slightly.

“I may not have the power to send you back but I Promise to help you find your way here whenever I can.” Celestia says with determination.

“That's great and all but why bother? I haven't been the nicest to you.” I admit shamefully.

“I don't really blame you for your behavior...you've just had everything stripped away from you. I couldn't imagine being in your situation but I don't think I'd be in the best of moods myself.” Celestia puts a hoof to her chest.

“It sucks all the unmentionables. But I'd like to try and move past it considering I'm stuck with it. I don't know where to begin though.” I sigh.

“Let's say that you were placed in another country inexplicably back on your world and you couldn't return to your own. Where would you start?” Celestia leans back.

“Well...I guess the basics. Get a steady source of income. Get a place. Gain citizenship...” I sigh. “Getting a job is going to be a pain considering The skills I had on Earth are completely useless here.” I frown.

“What do you mean?” Twilight furrows her brow.

“Well the type of work I did involved computers. And from what I've seen so far you ponies don't seem to have any.” I shake my head.

“That sounds like more of a Griffonian thing.” Twilight rubs her chin.

“Oh?” I raise a brow.

“Yeah. With little to no magic users Their technology is how they compensate. “Twilight explains. Considering the level of equin tech I've seen so far I don't think the Griffin's are too far ahead.

“Well no offense but I don't think it's quite on the same level.” I state my hunch.

“You sure about that?” Twilight raises a brow.

I squint and stand from the table. “I'll be right back.” I tell them as I exit the kitchen and quickly go upstairs, returning with my bag and my phone in my pocket. I unzip my bag and pull out my laptop that was hidden away inside it's black protective sleeve.

“What do you have there?” Celestia raises a brow.

“It's what we Humans Call a PC, meaning personal computer. This particular type is made to be portable and literally fit in our laps, hence why it's called a Laptop.” I explain.

“That's weird.” Spike's brow flattens. I look over to Twilight and she's got that creepy look again.

'Science face!’

Stop it!

“What are it's functions?” Celestia asks curiously.

“Countless. It's a calculator, Music player, Clock and calendar, Word Processor, Video Player, Camera, Gaming Device just to name a few things.” I slide it out of the sleeve and open it up. I hit the power button and start it up, hoping I remembered to charge the damn thing. I hear Chairs scoot across the room and suddenly there's two ponies and a drake next to me looking at my laptop curiously. While my laptop starts up I start to wonder what I was doing on it last.

'Porn?’

…

I'm just gonna casually slide my fingers over “Alt” and “F4” just In case.

'Maybe they wouldn't be able to comprehend What Hentai is?’

I'm pretty sure it's not hard to figure out that one of them is being dem-

“Woooah.” Spike and Twilight look Mind blown from just seeing the login screen Celestia looks a lot less surprised but is still quite curious.

“Wait...this is just the login screen. Have to put in my password.” I tell them before quickly typing it in.

“It's a bunch of dots?” Spike looks confused.

“No...the dots are just to give my password for people looking over my shoulder.” I try to explain.

“So you just use a certain amount of dots for passwords? That sounds easy to guess.” Spike still looks confused. My god it's like explain Computers to old people!

“No that's not how it works..” I sigh and hit enter and my computer quickly logs me in. “look I'll explain it another time.” I say as I bring up the calculator program.

“Huh...you weren't joking.” Celestia Comment quietly although I see her Curiosity suddenly shift into sadness as she looks elsewhere on the screen.

“Put in 2372 Times 11” Twilight squints. I put it in and Twilight gasps before giving a nod of approval when the calculator shows 26,092. I show them very briefly all the things that I mentioned even going as far to take an example picture with the webcam. They are absolutely amazed and Their reactions are actually quite amusing besides that Science face Twilight seems to get sometimes.

'So we ARE calling it that!’

Oh god Dammit.

'You mean Celestia Dammit.’

I absolutely refuse to say those words in that particular order!

The otherwise fun moment gets train wrecked when Twilight and Spike eventually get curious about my computer's background.

“So...Who exactly is that in the background? She looks kinda like you but. Different.” Spike rubs his chin.

“Is that a human female?! “ Twilight's eyes light up.

“Yeah…” I say dryly because The picture starts to drag me back into that massive pit of Depression I partially crawled out of. The image is one of my favorite pictures of Kelly, She and I were walking on the beach and she looked like a goddess in her bikini with her hair blowing in the wind and that cute smirk of hers.

“Who is that? Her mane is Magnificent!” Twilight is in awe. A glance at Celestia tells me exactly how she's feeling without a doubt. Her silence and somber look tell me she already knows exactly who this is which isn't surprising considering she's looked into my head a few times.

“Her name is Kelly.” I sigh before shutting down my laptop and Closing it making, Twilight's ears go flat and that God forsaken science face ceases to exist.

“She's pretty Hot- Uh I mean Human girls look cool.” Spike mumbles.

“Wait is that everything? I thought you were going to show us more!” Twilight seems to pout.

“I was just showing a brief rundown not a complete walkthrough.” I state as I Pack my laptop up.

“Aww come on..Can we see more please?” Twilight is giving me puppy eyes.

“Another time.” I sigh.

“Really?” Twilight brightens up as Spike and Celestia return to Their seats.

“Yeah sure... whatever.” I shrug. It's not like I've got any plans anyway so why not?

“Dude it's pretty crazy how that thing can do so much. We've got some of those things but separate.” Spike is still pretty blown away.

“Heh. If you think that's crazy I have a smaller device in my Pocket that does all of this stuff too.” I comment. Twilight freezes up, the notepad held in her magic is Writing so fast that the fire from the quill turned blue. How the whole thing hasn't gone up in her face is a complete mystery.

“Wow...this is completely opposite of the books we have on humans! they weren't the smartest bunch.” Twilight giggles.

“Yeah….well that little distraction aside I've proven my point. My skills are useless here.” I fold my arms.

“Didn't you say you could bake?” Celestia squints Abit.

“Yeah but that's nothing more than a hobby.” I say.

“well that hobby could lead into some... amazing things.~” she says with a half lidded smile that throws me off.

“Uh... please clarify?” I shudder at how the Princess looks at me.

“Weeeell you could use your baking skills to earn money. If your Baking is on par with Pinkie's you would have no shortage of loyal Customers.” Celestia says.

“Uh...Mean I Never said it was on par, Her’s just tastes similar to mine is all.” I fold an arm behind my head and scratch my neck, a modest blush on my face.

“I'm sure Mr and Mrs Cake could use the help. You should go ask them about employment.” Twilight smiles warmly. I think I've heard about them but I don't think I actually met them face to face.

“Hm...that doesn't sound so bad. It's a start at least.” I eventually shrug.

“See? Some progress already.” Celestia smiles warmly.

“I'll go do that now actually. No point in waiting.” I stand up and stretch.

“Want me to accompany you?” Twilight asks.

“Nah. I actually want to explore the place Abit. I'll find it on my own.” I tell her. I notice her ears Droop Slightly as her face falls and she looks away from me.

“Oh that's um...ok....” Twilight mumbles quietly. I walk over to her and Lightly pet her head making her ears go flat as she looks up at me.

“On second thought I can always explore solo another time. You can come along if you want.” I smile as I scratch Twilight behind the ear about in the spot that I did for Lyra. Twilight closes her eyes and emits a happy hum.

“Uuuuuuh.” Spike looks at us both funny. Twilight's eyes shoot open and her cheeks become crimson as she Immediately teleports away. I watch blankly as she appears across the kitchen at the door leading to the Living room.

“S...sure thing DJ just need to get some things!” Twilight says nervously before running off. I blink and look at Celestia who just has a slight Smirk on her face.

“What?” I Raise a brow.

“Oh nothing.” Celestia giggles prompting me to roll my eyes.

“You gonna come with us Princess?” I ask curiously.

“I would like to but everypony will make a big deal out of me being in town again and we'd attract quite a lot of attention which is something I doubt you'd like.” Celestia says.

“Soo Being a living breathing Mythical creature doesn't attract attention?” I deadpan.

“Well… MORE attention. I've got some things I have to take care of as well.” Celestia says as she stands up from her chair and approaches me. Her and Nightmare Stand at pretty much eye level with me, Celestia being slightly below and Nightmare being Slightly above.

“I guess I'll see you around then.” I say before reaching out and Petting Celestia. I only realize this may be a horrible decision considering what Nightmare did to me when I pet her. To my surprise Celestia's reaction is a lot more calm she even leans into my hand.

“You ponies really enjoy this huh?” I can't help but smile. Godly Princess or not, it seems I've found something in common with these ponies.

“Yeah...a little too much.” Spike grumbles. Celestia hums happily until my hand strays a little far and accidentally rubs The base of her horn making her emit a throaty moan. Her wings shoot open at her sides as her Pearl white cheeks turn a bright red. My eyes are dinner plates as I Quickly remove my hand and take some steps back.

“My bad Princess…” I say carefully as I witness small golden sparks shoot from the tip of her horn like a damn sparkler.

“It's q..quite alright I've got to go now. Bye!” She gallops out of the room. I slowly turn my head to Spike with a Bemused look.

“How did you do that?” Spike asks curiously.

“No idea.” I shrug.

“Ok then magic fingers. You're pretty brave to try something like that on the Princess.” Spike commends me.

“Or stupid.” I mutter as I look at my hand.

“Or a bit of both.” Spike snickers.

“Yup.” I don't even disagree as I see Twilight come back with a...saddle bag? I guess that's the pony equivalent of a backpack.

“Alright I'm ready now.” Twilight announces.

“So is your Lizard friend gonna come along?” I point at Spike.

“Dragon.” Spike corrects.

“I know what I said.” I keep a straight face.

“Nah. I've got chores to do.” Spike hops out of his little chair and walks over to the sink. I snicker Quietly whenever he pulls over a stool to step on as he starts to wash the dishes.

“You sure Spike? You could always do them later..” Twilight asks.

“Nah.” Spike shakes his head.

“Alright don't complain when you miss everything.. again.” Twilight Huff's. “Come on DJ.” Twilight seems to order before exiting the kitchen.

“Aight.” I say as I walk out. At the door I take one last look at Spike. “Later Lizard.” I quip.

“DRAGON!” I hear him snap. Unless Dragon's here aren't the big fire breathing badasses we depict them as I refuse to believe he is one.

I follow Twilight out of her home and I feel the Slightly nippy morning air as I look around and see some of Twilight's colorful neighbors out and about. I sigh and turn to the Lavender mare as she closes the door behind us and looks over to me, an excited smile on her face.

“By the way while we're out here...I need to know if there is a place I can purchase meat. My diet is going to be really troublesome otherwise.” I ask Twilight. She looks slightly uncomfortable as she approaches me.

“Yeah uh..I think some Griffin traders sell it.” Twilight mumbles.

“Can we go There too?” I ask. Twilight hesitates for Quite a few seconds as she seems uncomfortable with the idea.

“Yeah I suppose…” she Sighs.

“Uh...you could just tell me the way there if it makes you uncomfortable.” I tell her not wanting to force anything on her.

“Well I just…” her ears droop as she trails Off. As I raise my brow I hear a set of hoofs approach from behind.

“Well hello there” I hear a mare say behind me I turn my head and I'm met with the familiar sight of a Certain royal in disguise.

“Celes-”

“Tia!” Twilight chirps, Perking up immediately and coming over to the disguised Celestia. Twilight proceeds to do this greeting that I've seen multiple ponies do to each other where she basically rubs her muzzle into the other ponies, what was it called... nuzzling? Yeah that sounds Right. Thank God that none of them besides Celestia and Nightmare are tall enough to do that shit to me and if they were to try it I think I'd get whiplash from how fast I would Matrix out of it.

“Hey Twi! I was just passing by when I saw your friend here.” Tia giggles after returning the nuzzle. I watch them with my arms folded across my chest completely unamused.

“Oh this is my friend DJ he-” Twi was about to explain but I cut her off.

“Oh we are WELL acquainted already.” I say Somewhat dryly as I look Celestia in the eye who looks back at me with a smirk.

“Yes we met at Pinkie's party last night.” Tia says still staring back at me.

“Well that saves some time. We were just about to go to run some errands, want to come along?” Twilight asks.

“Twi wait a sec-” My eyes widen.

“Sure I'd love to! It's always fun when we hang out!” Tia smiles warmly.

“Whyyyy.” I groan.

“Speaking of hanging out it's been a while since you've come by the library. Is everything alright?” Twilight asks.

“Twi can we-” I beg.

“Oh I've just been quite busy with work lately, the last few days have been a mess.” Tia rubs her forehead.

“Am I being ignored?” My brow twitches.

“Oh...sorry to hear that.” Twilight's ears droop Abit.

“Holy shit I am.” I blink.

“It hasn't been all bad. I'm on top of everything now.” Tia smiles proudly.

“Should have pulled the tri-” I start to grumble.

“Glad to hear it. I believe I forgot something in the house so please give me a moment.” Twilight says before quickly trotting over to her house. When she's gone I immediately glare at Tia.

“Let me guess. You as her so called teacher use this form as a way to observe her behavior in the absence of your highness?” I put my hands in my pocket and look quite stoic.

“Well I have a multitude of ways I could go about that. This Is just the most fun option.” She smiles at me.

“I'mma tell her.” I say casually.

“You wouldn't..” Celestia gasps.

“I would.” I smirk.

“DJ please don't!” Tia's ears Droop.

“Why not?” a mischievous smile on my face.

“It would ruin Everything!” Tia almost looks pouty.

“That's the point.” I snicker slightly.

“If you tell her I'll…” she trails Off.

“Project Demonic images so disturbing into my head that they'd make me go insane as I question my own existence?” I purposely make an outlandish fake guess.

“Precisely.” She answers with a smile.

“....What…?” I blink.

“What?” She looks innocent

“WHAT?!” I blurt

“I'm kidding DJ. However...” I see Her smile mischievously which pretty much tiggers all my internal alarms.

“Hmm?” I Squint.

“If you wish to be that way...you're not the only one who can play the blackmail game.” She's got an oddly erotic Smirk.

“Huh?” I blink and feel my cheeks color slightly. What dirt could she possibly have on me?

“I understand that you and Nightmare moon had a interesting night~” she begins.

“I know exactly where you going with this.” I frown. Celestia giggles and steps over next to me leaning on my leg.

“My my...You're covered in her scent too. How adorable~” Celestia sniffs me.

“Alright what do you want?” I sigh in defeat as I look into her Magenta eyes. They're almost hypnotic in a way.

“Oh nothing. I'm just Quite curious as to what happened between you two. I've noticed she returned the bag she found in the everfree to you as well.~” Celestia points out.

“So what? “ I'm blushing now as I glare down at her.

“That bag was vaulted and sealed away. She retrieved it without even informing us.” Celestia explains.

“What you want it back?” I frown.

“No. I just think it's fascinating that she did that for you.” Celestia purrs.

“It doesn't mean anything..” my brow twitches in annoyance.

“Mmm sure it doesn't” She Giggles.

“Yeah sure..” I don't quite believe her as I look away from her. “by the way. Why is it you were constantly reading my mind anyway?” I ask curiously.

“I've become so skilled at it that I can do it subconsciously most times. It helps when dealing with suspicious individuals, although it's usually completely unnoticeable to those I look at.” Celestia explains.

“It gives me Raging headaches.” I deadpan.

“I apologise...I promise not to do it to you anymore.” Tia giggles.

“I don't believe you at all but Ok.” I tell her honestly. Her ears Droop slightly.

“Im serious!” She nudges my leg Again.

“Uh huh.” I'm unphased as she leans on me. Honestly her slightly pouty look is kind of adorable it's hard to believe I'm basically talking to a Goddess. I never imagined talking to someone with that status would be so...casual? Before I know it I'm reaching my hand out to pet her head again. Why do I keep petting these damn Ponies? I wish could answer that one myself.

“I see you two are getting along well.” I hear Twilight say from behind us.

“Indeed!” Tia says happily.

“Not at all.” I Deadpan.

“Oh come now DJ.” Tia giggles.

“Alright everypony. Let's get going!” Twilight smiles warmly and starts to lead the way. Tia gallops over to catch up to Twilight and I just sigh and put my hands in my pockets, following at my own pace. Man these ponies are truly something aren't they? And I have to live with them for the foreseeable future. I'm more worried about this other thing I'm noticing. What is that thing you ask? Well I've been staring at Their asses jiggling with each step this entire time. Even after I realized this I continue to stare.

Something is definitely wrong with me- OH GOD MY STOMACH!

“Girls….ya boy has to g...g..go.” I tell them as I clutch my stomach in pain.

“What do you mean go? We're on our way to…” Twilight trails off when they both turn to me and realize the problem their eyes widen.

“We should probably pick up the pace.” Tia suggests.

“NO SHIT!” I grunt angrily. This sets the tone for how the day is gonna go and I'm already not liking it.

Author's Notes:

This one took an obscene amount of time because of me being too busy/lazy which probably led to a "meh" chapter. Hopefully the next one doesn't take as long.