Bruh, I don’t even know where to start. I mean… Fuck.

Let’s get it from the beginning.

My night started out with a blunt in one hand and my heater in the other. Living in Alton Park is a hazard to your health if your skin ain’t the right shade of brown, and since I’m only halfway to being chocolatey, I get fucked with daily. My brother Ty on the other hand? Dude’s welcome everywhere, and that dumb fucker is the reason I was sitting in my two thousand three Buick Century, waiting on him to get out of his side chick’s place so we could hit a quick lick and get back to Forrent University. I got in on an academic scholarship and Ty got in with sports, but college life is tough when you come from a broke-ass family in the first place. That and our worthless-ass old man doesn’t work or pay child support, so both of our Moms get shafted.

I was lost in my head, thinking about what needed to happen for the job to go off right when I saw movement from the chick’s house. Ty was on his way out, popping his neck with his usual smirk on his face. Motherfucker’s jacked enough to swagger around like he does, but he keeps it in check when he’s around me. Usually. When he hopped in the passenger seat, we took off without a word. We usually take a minute to start talking whenever I drive because I’m a psychopath behind the wheel, but that’s neither here nor there.

“Ay, Jay, you probably gonna get us killed if you keep rolling past these stop signs.” Ty chuckled.

“Shit, like you afraid to die.” I shot him a smirk.

“The fuck? Boy, you know I’m too pretty to die! I still need to fuck like, a million more bad bitches before my time’s up.”

“Think with the head on your shoulders for once, bruh. You act like pussy’s the only thing in life.” I scoffed.

“This from the dude that keeps a blunt?” Ty challenged.

“Ay, my vice doesn't make me itch when I hit the wrong broad. How many times have you gotten burnt up?” I asked, smiling.

“Shut the fuck up and drive, nigga.” Ty grunted. “If we did shit my way, we’d be rolling in on foot anyway so Big Mac wouldn’t know your whip.”

“I’m getting rid of it tomorrow, so what are you even stressed about? The plan’s solid, Ty. Mac’s bedded up sick, so he ain’t got no one over. Even if he does, we brought the ammo to back it up. Just chill and keep your head on like last time, aight?”

“Shit, you know I’m always stressed before we do shit like this. I don’t see how you get worked up over being lost, but when it comes to icing muhfuckers, you’re just GQ Smooth outta fuckin’ nowhere.” Ty shook his head. “You don’t make sense, bro.”

“There’s a reason you keep the meds, man. We both know I’m some kinda fucked up.” I chuckled along with him.

“Don’t I fuckin’ know it, bruh.” He pulled my script out of the breast pocket in his coat. “Mind if I get one of these before we get started?”

“Bruh, we’re about to hit a lick and you’re trying to go in fucked up?” I said, using the tone I always give him when he’s saying dumb shit.

“Whatever man. Let get a lighter so I can hit that blunt then.” He bargained.

I pulled mine out of my pocket. “You steal my shit, you buy me another one.”

He grabbed it and got started. “Stingy ass muhfucker. That’s why you fat.”

“I’m six foot and two hundred pounds, fam. I think I’m good.”

“Two-twenty. I put money on it.”

“Fuck off, peanut-head lil’ boy. The bitches you get are all pedophiles.” I scoffed.

Ty choked out a laugh. “Ah fuck, bruh! Got jokes? ‘Cause I got jokes if you tryna go.”

Turns out, his ‘jokes’ were the same old lines about me being a high-yellow, curly-haired, mexican-looking mulatto. I shot back with new material because the last bitch he nailed was a girl I knew, and her history with dudes was ridiculous. She was a Blood bitch, and I’d heard a couple of stories about that thot in particular going through fifteen guys in one night on more than one occasion. I ain’t exactly a prude, nor do I really judge people on their personal endeavors, but I know a slut when I see one and my brother dived dick deep into what I assumed to be Chlamydia. Maybe Syphilis, if he was particularly unlucky.

While I was riding Ty about his choice in garden utensil’s, we rolled up on our rendezvous spot and suited up in the car. We left my whip in the deserted alley and started making our way over to Mac’s apartment, making headway pretty easily. Ty’s got a locksmith’s little gun thing and it makes short work of locks every time, and I use a magnet for deadbolts and shit like that. Getting into the building itself wasn’t hard, but dodging drunks, crackheads, and the occasional heroin fiend wasn’t easy. That’s why we didn’t dodge them. As we passed the scouts in the hallways, Ty took care of most of them while I caught the stragglers by choking them out. It wasn’t the first time we’d busted in on a low-key doughboy, so we took the necessary steps to get in without getting fucked up.

After knocking out six fiends one way or another, Ty and I got to work on Big Mac’s door, both of us doing our work as we needed to. We simultaneously finished and made our way in quietly. Ty stood overwatch as I searched because I tend to be more adept at finding shit in general, and when I took the grate off of a wall vent, I hit the jackpot. A pound of herb went straight into my bag, and then what had to be fifteen thousand followed right after. I passed off another couple of bands to Ty and we made short work of the powder that was stashed in the vent, but left the guns. We started in on our way further into the house, neither of us making a noise. We split up to search the rooms, and I was the lucky one who found Big Mac’s smelly Indian ass. Damn durka always smells like curry… Well, he smelled like curry. After I knifed him in the temple, shit was over for the Fentanyl dealing bitch. Dude got one of Ty’s little homies with some weed that was laced with the shit, which is why there was bread on his head in the first place. Easy money.

Ty and I got the fuck outta dodge real quick, but what we didn’t account for was Twelve stalking my whip. We stopped just before we got spotted, the flashing lights ahead of us telling me that we needed to get gone. Just as I turned to Ty to get him back down the alley we’d come down, more sirens sounded from that general direction and we froze, staring at each other for a long, hard moment. We made a grab for each other and probably made our ancestors proud with the speed we took off at. My brother’s always been a better sprinter than me, but it’s not like I was just some slouch. I’m in decent enough shape, but when you compare a murderous bookworm to a lecherous linebacker, it’s not hard to guess who gets to point ‘B’ first.

Just as we were about to break the alleys and hit the streets, there were more fucking sirens! I dragged Ty back down the alley and saw a door set in the leftmost brick wall, one that I’d missed previously. Ty and I forced our way in and shut it as quietly as we could, both of us panting, though I was breathing hard because we’d done a lot of running and Ty was probably panicking. I didn’t blame the guy since that’s just what normal people do in high stress situations, but as we stood in the dark, unlit space, we didn’t say a fucking word. After awhile, I couldn’t hear either of us breathing, but the sounds of Five-O were fading off into the distance. We gave it a few more minutes before either of us said a damn thing.

“We got set up.” I whispered. “I told you your boy DeMarkus was sketchy as fuck! Bruh, I told you that muhfucker was a snitch!”

Ty sucked some air through his teeth. “I fucked up, bruh, but we can still get out of this clean. We just gotta wait it out, right? Just like that time Lil’ Bear was snitchin’ and almost got you hit up for coke.”

“Bruh, we don’t know-” I started.

“Ay, take some breaths. You about to have a panic attack and we need you calm, so tell me now if I gotta slip you one.”

“I’m good, I’m just stressed. I gotchu though.”

Ty grabbed my arm and patted my shoulder. “We’ll be alright, Lil’ Bro. The plan mighta got fucked, but we’ll be aight.”

I brought him in a for a hug, and that ain’t some gay shit because that’s my brother. If you wanna talk shit about it, you can see what these hands taste like, macho wannabe bitch. Man, I’m hostile. Maybe I shoulda kept it up with the Depakote? Eh, too late to think about that shit now, but I’m getting side tracked. Ty gave me my hug and we said ‘No homo’ at the same time, so it was kosher.

“Aight, so what’s the plan from here, Jay?” Ty whispered. “This is your area of expertise, bein’ in the closet and shit.”

I flipped him off, though he couldn’t see it, so I decided to rectify that with the flashlight I’d brought along. I flipped it on and pointed it upward, but when I followed the light, the ceiling wasn’t all that high, and looking around, there was barely enough space for Ty and I to take a step in any direction, which made no fucking sense. There were cleaning supplies and shit everywhere, but the door from the direction we’d come in was gone and there was another on the opposite side.

“Yo, what the fuck-” I started to ask.

The door we’d seen opened and three young white chicks looked in at us. From inside someone’s house. Let me reiterate that we were previously being chased by cops in the projects. It made no sense what so ever, so as I was stuck for words, Ty started talking and I started observing. As he was introducing us, I noticed that two of the girls seemed like obvious Tumblrettes. One had mild pink hair and the other had purple hair with a darker violet stripe paired with a pink one. It was actually kind tasteful given how clean the separation was. The third girl was the first I’d noticed, and her blonde hair and tanned skin piqued my interest pretty quickly. I like freckles on a girl, and hers were pretty cute.

“-and we don’t really know how we got in here, so if y’all wanna just like, lead us out, that’d be straight dope. We really ain’t tryna trespass on y’all, don’t mean y’all no harm harm or nothin’-” Ty mediated.

“Slow down there, Sugarcube. We don’t get many Zgarians like you ‘round these parts in the first place, and now ya just pop up in my friend’s closet? Somethin’ ain’t addin’ up here.” The blonde one said.

“You’re telling me.” I said drily. “The last thing we were doing was walking down an alley. From what I see of the house, which is nice by the way, I’m gonna guess that you ladies don’t live in Chatt.”

“Chatt?” The one with purple hair asked. I looked at her and saw that she had purple contacts in too, which I kinda liked. They gave her eyes interesting gradiations, though I wondered what her natural color was.

“Yeah, Chattanooga Tennessee. You sayin’ we’re not in Chatt?” Ty asked dumbly while I rubbed my face numbly.

“Uh, yeah. I ain’t never heard of a place like that. Chattanooga or Tennessee.” The blonde said, worry creeping into her tone.

Ty and I traded incredulous looks. We had a quick conversation without words because we just know each other that well, so I took over for a moment, my breathing shaky. “Miss, could you tell us where we are?”

She tilted her head and gave me a funny look. “You’re in Magiville, small town not even three hours train ride from Encantia, the Capital city of Arcadia.”

“... You’re fucking with me.” I breathed.

“That kinda language really ain’t necessary, bud. It’s not like I’m standin’ around in your house uninvited.” The country girl pointed out.

“Ay, look, we good for a joke. Shit you find funny? Not really what we’re laughin’ about right now, so seriously, where we at?” I tried again.

“Magiville.” She said slowly.

I heard Ty pop the blister pack before he tapped my shoulder. He always did have a keen eye for when I was about to flip the fuck out, so I took the Valium and downed it without a word. “Aight, so we’re just gonna go, okay? Y’all can search us if you want if you think we got somethin’ of yours, y’all can see us out the door and we won’t bother ya twice, or y’all can do whatever. I need to find my brother somewhere to sit before his meds hit.”

“What did you give him? I’ve never seen blue pills before, and they never come in packages like that.” The purple eyed one asked curiously.

“Valium for anxiety.” I said tersely.

“You get medicine made for anxiety? That’s just weird.” The blonde said.

“Applejack! It’s impolite to judge others, especially if you don’t know what they’re going through! It sounds like these poor guys got teleported away from their home country and got caught on the leyline that runs into Magiville.” Purple Eyes said.

“Fuckin’ what? Did you just say some shit about magic? I mean, I really ain’t tryna be rude or nothin’, but magic ain’t real, beautiful.” Ty said as nicely as he can get. He was still being flirty, but that’s how he rolls.

Purple Eyes blushed and I looked at her quiet pink-haired friend. Her eyes were a weird shade of blue, kind of like greenish seawater. I thought it was odd, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a blonde person with green eyes either. Maybe they were all wearing coloured contacts? I don’t know what white girls do these days. I didn’t look at Shy Girl long since she caught me looking and hid behind her hair, which was a massive turn on for me. In general, I like shy girls because they can hide that secret intimate side that’s definitely worthy of getting to know. I wondered if she was the shy one, Purple Eyes was the leader, and the country girl was the token hick.

“Uh, bud, ya might wanna open your eyes every once in awhile. Magic’s everywhere, in everything. I know you Zgarians have your own special brand of magic, so what’s the deal?” Applejack asked.

I looked at Ty and he shrugged. “Bruh, we landed in a place full of hippies or some shit.” He looked to Applejack. “So can I find a place to put him before he passes out? ‘Cause we don’t really got much time.”

She gave him a look. “Why would you give him something that puts him to sleep?”

“So he doesn’t have a panic attack and shut down.” Ty said, leaving the fact that I might go off the deep end in the other direction out entirely.

“Right. Y’all sure ya don’t know Encantia or Arcadia?” Applejack asked slowly.

“Babe, we don’t even know what a Zgarian is.” Ty answered. “I’m just happy y’all ain’t racist or some shit, to be honest with you.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, but Purple Eyes said, “There isn’t a racist person in Magiville. Sure, there might be a couple of xenophobes, but no outright racists.”

I blinked slowly, my eyelids getting heavy as I shifted from foot to foot to keep myself awake a little longer. “Nice to hear. Can I get somewhere to sit please?” I asked, my tongue feeling fuzzy.

Purple Eyes backed off and Applejack stayed where she was. Shy Girl was already out of the way, but Applejack barred our path. “I need y’all to promsie that you ain’t here to cause trouble.”

“Ay, we promise we won’t start nothin’, just let Jay close his eyes for a little bit and we’ll be out of your hair.” Ty oathed for us.

The country girl nodded and moved, so Ty dragged me around, following Purple Eyes around the place until we got somewhere or other. I don’t remember it too well since I was fucked up off a dosage that was unnecessarily high, but the sleep was good and restful. When I woke up, however, Ty, was slumped next to me and the three women from earlier were nowhere to be seen. I didn’t know what to do, so I pulled my phone out and saw that there was no service, so I turned on the GPS and hope that it would work. I didn’t know whether or not it would without any bars, but it didn’t matter anyway since I couldn’t get a read on where we were at. I shook my head and checked my battery, surprised to see that it was actually more charged than it had been when I’d left the house to go grab Ty.

I checked my bag and saw the fat brick of grass filling most of it, along with some other shit that I didn’t know about. I assumed that it was either coke or H, but either way, that wasn’t my kind of party. The cash made me smile, but checking out my Glock told me that Ty had probably removed it from my person before it slipped out and made those ladies terrified of us. I listened in for a little bit and tried to see if I could hear anything, and when I looked outside, it was either sunset or sunrise. I didn’t know which, so I got off of the couch and had a look around. The place had bookshelves built into the walls, and all sorts of leather-bound creations lined their shelves. I was curious, so I started giving some of them a look or two, and when I saw a theme go on for seven books in a row, I was glad that the Valium was still working.

Every book was either about Magic or Arcadian history. One way or another, the books I’d found were about Arcadia or the the unfathomable, and I wasn’t sure what the unholy fuck was going on. I sat back down and let my thoughts race, grabbing onto singular trains of thought as they sped along before I decided to look for the women so they could answer some questions. A wrong turn down a hallway took me to a bathroom, a guest room, and the closet that Ty and I had come from, and the only other room on the floor was the kitchen, but no one was there. I decided to try my luck upstairs and after stepping into a room that looked like it belonged to a young guy, I found another bathroom. The last door upstairs was either making noises or held the girls behind it, so I knocked and waited for a moment.

Purple Eyes was the one who answered. “Oh! Jay, I’m glad to see that you’re awake.” She gave me a cute smile.

I tried to return it. “Yeah, thanks for the concern. Can we talk for a moment?”

She blinked and glanced behind her. “... Alone?” She asked hesitantly.

“If I could talk with all three of you, I’d prefer it.” I said honestly.

Purple Eyes breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness! I thought you were going to try and hit on me like your brother did.”

I groaned. “I’ll tell him to knock it off if you’re not interested. Dude doesn’t like to think with the brain up here.” I tapped my temple.

She blushed and giggled. “Well, I’ve heard that some guys are just like that, but then again, I know women who prefer to do their talking with the other lips too.”

I chuckled at that, though my heart really wasn’t behind it. “Both sides of the coin, right? So can we talk, or am I interrupting something?”

“... Um… Let me grab the Applejack and Fluttershy and we’ll be right with you, okay?” She gave me a strained smile.

I raised a brow. “If I’m making you uncomfortable-”

“No! It’s not that, I’ve just never had a guy other than my brothers in my room and the idea kind of stresses me out. I’m sure you understand to a point.”

I nodded. “I don’t like having people I don’t know in my house, so I think I get it. I’ll get out of your hair for the time being. Well, after you tell me your name.”

She extended a hand. “Twilight Sparkle, at your service.”

I shook it. “Jameson Underwood. Most people call me Jay or Tweek.”

Twilight tilted her head. “Jay is a nickname?”

“An abbreviation, but yeah. Is your name seriously Twilight Sparkle?” I asked dubiously.

She gave me an odd look. “Yes, it is. You know, Ty asked the same question to Applejack and he didn’t believe her. I think our names are more normal than your to be honest with you. Well, I actually know a Jay, but his full name is Jay Watcher.”

I stared at her before shaking my head. “I’m gonna head down to the kitchen.”

Twilight smiled. “We’ll be down in a moment.”

I headed back down to the place because I wanted to, not because I was told to and had a seat at the table. My mind was spinning as I tried to swallow the metaphorical pills they were tossing at me. I was certain now that Ty and I had somehow slipped through a fuckin’ wormhole or something and ended up in a parallel dimension where magic is real. It threw me through a loop like no other, but like Momma Dorotha always said, ‘Ain’t no point in worrying about your situation. You break it down, give it a look, and you start doing the pieces that you can as you go. You focus on what’s in front of you, and you only look back to see what you’ve already got done.’. They were wise words from a wise woman, but Ty never took his Mom’s word into account when he went out to do dumb shit. My Mom, however, usually reined him in when Momma Marsha couldn’t. Don’t nobody ignore Betty Jean, after all.

While I was waiting in the kitchen, I pulled my grinder and some papers out of my pocket. I still had some loud left over from the blunt I rolled while waiting for Ty, so I got to rolling before I realized that the motherfucker still had my lighter. I left to go grab it and waited to light my shit since I didn’t know if Twilight, Fluttershy, and Applejack were four-twenty friendly. I figured that Twilight might take a hit if I incentivized her to do it since she had a bit of a streak in her, but Applejack seemed a little straight-laced and Fluttershy hadn’t said a word to me yet, so I didn’t really wanna share my shit with her. It’s not like I was aching for bud since I had a fucking pound of the shit, but still.

When the three ladies came downstairs, I said, “Yo, whassup?”

Applejack nodded at me, Fluttershy hid behind her, and Twilight smiled. “We’re just wondering what you wanted to talk about.

“Ah, cool. I was hoping we could talk about this world a little bit. This place isn’t on planet Earth, is it?” I asked, fully expecting them to confirm my suspicions.

Twilight nodded. “It’s not. This planet is called Arkaid. It’s spelled A-R-K-A-I-D.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not Earth. I’m on an alien planet.” I said a bit numbly, rubbing my face.

“Sure seems like it, Sugar.” Applejack said flawlessly, not even stumbling on the mild tongue-twister. “Mind if I ask what brought you and Ty here?”

“Like I said earlier-” I began.

“Uh, no. Y’all weren’t just walkin’ down some alley and suddenly ended up in Twilight’s closet. How about you come up with the truth before we stop bein’ nice?” Applejack requested.

“Feeling the hostility.” I replied drily.

“So was your brother. That’s why Twilight made him take a nap.” Applejack crossed her arms.

I looked at Twilight and dodged the fuck out of her question. “Did you drug Ty or something?”

She was taken aback. “What!? No, I would never do something like that! I just used a little sleeping spell so we could wait and see if you were more diplomatic than he was.”

I nodded a couple times. “So he’ll wake up just fine, right?”

“Whenever you want, I’ll rouse him. The spell should last about four more hours since I wasn’t sure when you were going to wake up.” Twilight smiled apologetically.

“Thanks, I appreciate you not letting him fuck up the first relationship we might build on a new fuckin’ planet.” I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes. “Y’all said magic was everywhere here, right? Does it affect how stuff works or something?”

After a moment of silence, Applejack said, “Uh, Sugar, I don’t think any of us know what ya mean by that. Stuff only works because of magic.”

I stared at her. “Like how?”

She shrugged. “You name it, magic’s a part of it. Clouds have Magic that let Icarians push them around-”

“I’m sorry, you what now? What’s an Icarian?” I asked.

Applejack gave me an impatient look. “An Icarian is one of the skyborn. Like Mundusians, but with ethereal wings”

“And a Mundusian is…?” I stared at her.

“Me. I’m a Mundusian, and I’m pretty sure you are too if you don’t know how to use magic at any level.” She answered.

I scratched my head. “Look, I’m a biracial Human, and not much else. I don’t know what this Mundusian-Icarian shit is about, but I’m pretty sure I was born Human.”

“We can check if ya want.” Applejack offered. “We checked Ty out and he’s a pretty strong Mundusian.”

I gave her a look. “I personally know both of Ty’s parents, and neither of them come from here.”

“Look, Sugar, no one’s sayin’ they did. We’re just sayin’ that you might fall into one of the three established Paths and not know it.”

I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “How would we check?”

“All I would need to do is cast a quick diagnostic spell.” Twilight said pleasantly. “It’ll tickle a little bit or a lot depending on whether you’re a Mundusian, an Icarian, or a Medeis, but it shouldn’t do much more than make you giggle.” She gave me a reassuring smile.

I considered it for a second. On one hand, it didn't matter what I turned out to be since I was still going to be me, but on the other, I didn’t have a reason for hesitating in the first place, so I had two different versions of ‘Fuck it, why not?’ weighing against each other. It was stupid. “You know what? Why don’t we do that and we can talk about this whole ‘Path’ thing, if it’s not too much trouble for you ladies.”

Applejack gave me a little smile. “Sounds like you’re hungry for answers.”

I nodded. “I don’t like being in the dark. The more answers I have, the faster I can cobble together a plan and figure out how to get me and my brother-”

“My brother and I.” Twilight corrected.

I gave her a look. “I’m trying to get us off of this planet and back to Earth. I don’t know how we got here, but I’m pretty sure this ain’t where we’re supposed to be.”

Applejack just chuckled. “Do ya believe in The Creator, Sugar?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda been drilled into me since birth.”

She nodded wisely. “Then trust that they got a plan for ya. Whatever brought ya here brought ya for a reason. Ya just gotta find out what that reason is.”

“I can’t imagine what it could be.” I rolled my L between my fingers.

Applejack looked at it. “What’s that?”

I held it up. “Joint. You smoke?”

“Do I what?” She asked.

“Do you smoke weed?” I reiterated.

“I don’t know what it is.”

“Do you mind if I smoke?” I asked hopefully.

She looked to Twilight who shrugged. “I don’t see the harm in it, but how exactly do you ‘smoke’?”

I grinned and started getting my joint lit. “I’ll show you here in a sec. If you want a couple tokes, I’m happy to share. Smoking alone gets boring after awhile.”

“I know some people got pipes and what not for herb blends, but I ain’t never seen something like that.” Applejack commented.

“Well, I also don’t smoke a blend, it’s just one herb.” I took a hit and saw that it wasn’t going to canoe, so I took a couple more drags and held it deep.

Fluttershy sniffed the air. “... I-It’s smelly.”

I gave her a gentle smile. “I’ve heard girls say that guys are smelly too, but for some reason y’all seem to like us.”

She hid behind her hair again, but I didn’t miss the minute smile on her lips. I figured I’d press my advantage and see if I could crack that shell with a few well placed blows. “You know, I’ve never seen someone dye their hair that particular shade of pink. I’ve gotta admit that it looks good on ya.”

Shy Girl gave me an odd look, but Twilight answered for her. “Fluttershy doesn’t dye her hair because it causes too much damage.”

I stared at her for a moment before I shook my head and hit my J a couple more times. “Fuckin’ new planet. Next thing you’re gonna tell me is that your hair is natural too.”

“Well…” Twilight trailed off.

I passed my joint off to Applejack and she looked at it with reservations. “So what does this stuff do?”

“Makes you light headed and a bit giggly. It’s a real mood booster, or at least, this strain is. Some grass might make you clean your house, some might make you sink into the couch for a couple hours. It just depends on what you get.” I explained.

She gave me a doubtful look. “And this ain’t gonna kill me or nothin’?”

“It’ll relax you a little bit, but other than that, there isn’t much to this particular strain. If you don’t wanna hit it, I’m not gonna make you.” I said honestly.

Applejack smirked. “You couldn’t make me do anythin’ I didn’t want to, Sugar.” She hit it way too hard and made a face, but didn’t cough until she got all the smoke out. “That shit hurts!”

“Give it a sec and you’ll see why it’s worth it.” I grinned at her.

She blinked a couple of times and hit it again much more gently. “Gotta admit, I kinda like the way it tastes.”

“I don’t think many people do. At least, not females that I know of.” I said, shrugging.

Applejack passed the joint to Twilight who made the same mistake she did, but ended up coughing harder. “Dear Heavens! Is this poison!?”

“No, it’s a mild sedative. It’s non-addictive and relaxing. Gotta say that it’s my herb of choice.” I leaned back in my chair and removed my glasses so I could rub my eyes.

Twilight made a face and copied Applejacks second attempt, succeeding. “I think I’m already feeling it.” She touched her face with her free hand and offered the joint to Fluttershy.

The shy one hit it gently and did a French inhale effortlessly, repeating the process a few more times. “I have some of this at home. I didn’t know you could burn it.” She said after a minute, blowing through half of the damned thing herself.

When I got my shit back, I gave her a look. “If we end up being friends, we’ll have to smoke together some time. Makes me wanna ask what you do with your bud if you don’t smoke it, though.”

“Oh, I just make tea with it.” She gave me a little smile. “I like it for its calming effects.”

I returned her smile with a mild one of my own. “I’m gonna guess that you get really anxious too sometimes?”

“W-Well… Sometimes I look forward to that cup of tea more than I should…” She admitted bashfully.

I offered her my hand from across the table. “Trust me, Fluttershy, out of everyone in this house, I understand the feeling the best. You saw how Ty reacted when he thought I was going to panic.”

She looked at my hand and reached for it slowly, twitching and recoiling when she made contact with my hand the first time. I didn’t move a muscle, treating her like she was my neighbor’s chihuahua. Little guy just needed a moment to get warmed up to you, and I assumed that Fluttershy was the same way. My hypothesis proved correct when she let her hand rest in mine, so I gave her a gentle squeeze.

“It’s great to have friends around who care, isn’t it?” I asked facetiously. I didn’t need an answer, but I was in the middle of an act that held some truth. If Ty and I were going to be stuck on Arkaid, then we needed friends and I figured that starting with the three women who we’d first met seemed like a good way to get the fire stoked.

“It really is.” She brushed her hair out of her face for the first time and gave me a real smile. “Do you have anyone other than Ty to help you when you get riled up?”

I gave her a tight smile. “He’s the guy who holds my script for a reason. I have some spare that I keep at my dorm, but Ty and I are pretty much all we got right now. My Moms and his are there for me when I need ‘em, but they do a lot of preachin’ depending on what I’m freaking out about.”

Fluttershy gave me a sad look and I glanced over at Twilight and Applejack. They were both listening intently as I talked to their friend, so I turned my attention back to her as she said, “It must be hard, being so far away from your parents so suddenly.”

“I’m really just trying to to think about it right now, to be honest with you. The different planet thing might be big, but being stuck on a world is a lot bigger, and I don’t let myself take Valium unless Ty gives it to me.” I grimaced.

“M-Maybe we should talk about something else…” Fluttershy suggested nervously.

“Right. So can we do that diagnostic spell thing now, or is that a no?” I inquired.

Twilight had been giving me a sad smile, but she perked up a bit when I said that. “We can do it now! Let me borrow your hand for a moment and I can check which type of magic you have.”

I nodded and let go of Fluttershy in favour of Twilight. Speaking of Purple Eyes, the optical whatchamajigs in question were glowing along with her hands, so I watched for a little bit before turning to Fluttershy. I took in her features in a glance, memorizing her face before looking away so I could break it down for myself as I often do with things I like. Her mild cheekbones and slender jaw line gave her the naturally pretty look, and the eye shadow she was wearing made her eyes look more expressive and larger for some odd reason. Her nose was pokeable and her lips looked like they wouldn’t be out of place kissing my tip, but I didn’t want to let my thoughts linger there since I generally try not to fantasize about fucking. It just strikes me as a little creepy, so I turned to Applejack and did the same thing.

Applejack’s strong brow and jawline made her look like the kind of girl who could beat your ass and still look good while doing it, but that might have just been some influence from my first impression of her. Her cleft chin and almond shaped eyes made me wonder about her heritage since she was nearly as dark as I was, though it could have just been a good tan. It’s not like I’m a dark mixed guy. I actually get mistaken for Mexican on occasion, but that’s neither here nor there. I moved on to Applejack’s oddly cute little nose and thought I recognized a faint sheen on her lips as sparkly lip gloss. It might have been my imagination since I only looked at her for about three seconds, but still.

I thought about what I’d seen of Twilight so far and thought that the somewhat pale chick was just cute in a nerdy way. She had a slightly rounded face, ears that were a little too big, a button nose, and a wide smile that told me she did it often enough for it to be her default expression. Too long; need a summary because you’re stupid and lazy; Applejack’s a little masculine, but she’s still kinda hot. Twilight’s fucking adorable as fuck, and Fluttershy can get it anytime, anywhere. I briefly wondered how old they seemed to be around my age, so I asked.

“Yo, if y’all don’t mind me asking, how old are you? I’m twenty myself.” I inquired casually.

Twilight gave me a look with her glowing eyes, which creeped me out a lot. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady’s age?”

I gave her a smile. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to leave a question unanswered?”

Twilight grinned back. “I’m nineteen, but I turn twenty in a few weeks.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “First off, I’m a farm girl; I ain’t no lady. Second, I’m twenty-two, so that makes me your elder.” She grinned evilly at me.

“Yeah, but you’re not in my family, so you can suck it.” I chuckled.

Applejack coloured. “That’s uncalled for.”

I raised a brow. “Sorry if you took offense to that. I say it to people all the time and they usually just fire back.”

“I ain’t from Earth, Sugar. You won’t find too many folks ‘round here that take kindly to it either.” She warned.

I nodded. “Before I forget, Ty wants to know if you really would suck it though.”

I received a blush and a stern look. “He’s asleep in the living room. You can’t put the blame on him, pervert.”

I barked out a laugh. “Yo, tell him I told you to suck it and wait how long it takes him to ask you if you’d really do it. I’m asking so you’re not extra pissed off at him.”

She rolled her eyes and I looked to Fluttershy. “So what about you, Fluttershy?”

“T-Twenty-one.” She replied. “I-I’m your elder too.”

“But would you really do it?” I asked, grinning.

Fluttershy blushed and giggled, so I figured that I’d won her over for the time being. Applejack was giving me a look and Twilight seemed amused, so I tried placating the angry orchard. “I’m just tryna get y’all to loosen up a bit, show off how I act so you know what to expect. I’m just treatin’ y’all like I would my friends. Kinda.”

Applejack the Skeptical pursed her lips. “So you insult your friends?”

I blinked at her. “It must just be a guy thing. I mean, everyone I know gives their friends shit because that’s just what we do. Hell, even my Mom, the toughest woman on the planet, still cuts up with me and we roast each other from time to time. It don’t get personal, but we do the superficial shit.”

“Alright, but why do you swear so much? Is there a reason to use that kinda language when you’re not ticked off about somethin’?”

I shrugged. “It’s just how I talk, boo. It ain’t like I’m trying to fu- er, screw around and make someone uncomfortable. Hell, a lot of the preps at my college curse like sailors when finals come around.”

“Just ‘cause other people do it don’t mean you should.” Applejack chastised.

I raised a brow at her. “Aight.” I looked at Twilight. “So how’s the spell doing?”

“We’re just about done. I must say, you’re not very ticklish.” She sounded disappointed for some reason.

“I’ve been biting back giggles for a little while by talking and staying focused on other sh- stuff. I’ve been meaning to ask, did Ty hit on all of you at the same time, or do I not know my brother?” I asked.

Twilight’s cheeks turned rosy and she giggled. “Well, he tried flirting with Fluttershy and I for a little while, but that didn’t go too well for him, so he tried Applejack. It’s pretty clear what he wants, so he got shot down pretty hard.”

“I ain’t that desperate for a man.” Applejack huffed. “Not yet anyway.”

Twilight and Fluttershy giggled at that while I sighed. “Sorry about that, ladies, but Ty’s a tail chaser like you wouldn’t believe. I try to keep his sluttiness down to a minimum, but women are his vice.”

“W-Well, it’s nice to know that we have a real stallion in town now. Magiville always has been low on m-men.” Fluttershy said softly.

I looked at her. “Really? So it’s a feminist town or some sh- something?”

“A what town?” the three of them asked in unison.

I smiled. “If you don’t know what that is, then I’m not going to poison you with it. Are there a lot of towns like Magiville? Where there’s a disparity between the genders?”

Twilight beamed at me. “You know, your vocabulary and diction are very different from your borhter’s.”

“I tend to tailor how I talk to the people I’m around so I fit in a little better. Sometimes the slang still slips out, but I usually manage to make people not feel like I’m some hoodrat.” I gave her a lopsided grin.

Twilight’s eyes and hands stopped glowing shortly before she said, “I don’t know what a hoodrat it, but I do know that your a Medeis. Welcome to the clan, kinsman!” She beamed brilliantly and I broke out laughing.

“Aw shit! I never thought I’d be welcomed into the Klan!” I was having a good time with that one.

“Why do I feel like ya don’t mean one of the three Paths?” Applejack asked somewhat irritably.

I gave her a grin. “There was a group of racist people who were prominent in American history called the Klu Klux Klan. They tortured and persecuted black people like Ty and killed biracial people like me because we weren’t purely Caucasian. I just thought that the way Twilight worded that was on point, deadass.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. “They what?”

“That was back on Earth. I don’t really suggest worrying about it.“ I said casually.

“... Did those people at least get caught?” She asked worriedly.

I chuckled at that. “Oh, a lot of the Klan’s members are openly a part of the group. The American government doesn’t do shit because they’re white.”

Applejack was distraught, so I tried to assuage her. “Ay, ain’t no point in sweatin’ it anyway. It’s not like you’re black, so you wouldn’t have to worry-”

“That ain’t the point, Jay! How does your government just let people like that walk around free!?”

I shrugged. “I dunno. I don’t get it myself, but I’ve never read too deeply into it. Doesn’t make sense to me either, but there ain’t shit I could do about it, even if I wanted to, so meh.” I hit that double shrug with extra nonchalance.

“... You’re tellin’ me that it just doesn't bother you?”

“Racism was an everyday thing where I come from. Most people? Happy enough to be left alone, but you always got those pieces of shit who just wanna spread that hate around until everyone’s as pissed off as they are over nothing. I don’t think people like that ‘a be worth my time to the day I go.”

“... You’re weird, fella. You’re just weird.” Applejack said, shaking her head.

“And you’re pretty straightforward. I think you’ve got a good set of morals from what I've seen so far. Healthy skepticism too.” I gave her a smirk.

She gave me a confused look. “If this is your way of flirtin’ then I don’t know how I feel about it.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t really flirt, I question and observe. I throw strange things into the water to see whether or not someone likes it and I tailor my approach to them depending on that. It makes me friends that last since it shows that I’m not afraid to bend to suit their style while staying true to myself.”

The farm girl gave me an amused smile. “How many friends has it made you so far?”

“Five excluding Ty.” I reached into my shirt and pulled out my cross, pressing it against my lips for a moment before letting it fall back to my chest.

“Well he’s your brother, so he don’t really count.” She chuckled.

“He’s my half brother. We met when we were in third grade and learned that we were related in sixth grade. We’ve always been inseparable, but we bonded more when we figured out that we shared blood.” I explained.

“Ah, so your Dad kept a harem?” Twilight asked. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have multiple Moms or Dads.”

I stared at her. “... Is that kinda stuff normal here?”

She gave me a confused smile. “Well, yeah. How did your Dad marry two women if it’s not normal where you’re from?”

I barked out a laugh. “That piece of shit didn’t marry any of the women he knocked up. Last time I talked to him, like, five years ago, he said he had ‘eighteen little niglets calling me Daddy’.” I curled my lip. “Nah, you get multiple women pregnant in America, you’re generally considered a piece of shit unless you’re paying child support and regularly see your kids.”

The librarian (I assumed) seemed rather perturbed by the turn of events. “... Your world doesn't sound like a very pleasant place.”

“I don't know shit about this one, so I can’t say anything.” I shrugged.

Twilight squeezed my hand since she was still holding it for some reason. I wasn’t complaining, her hands were pretty soft. “Maybe… Maybe you could stay the night here since you don’t have anywhere else to go?”

I gave her a nervous smile. “I’d hate to intrude like that-”

“Do ya got a better choice? Unless you wanna come borrow a couple a’ rooms down at Sweet Apple Acres, I think you’re hurtin’ for options.” Applejack cut in.

I felt my face flush and I scratched my neck. “Well… I’ll try and make sure that Ty and I aren’t too much of a bother, wherever we end up for the night.”

“I’d prefer y’all come down to the farm with me. No offense, but I don't trust your brother as much as I’m willin’ to trust you.”

“Can’t really blame you there. We’ll stay with you, if it’s no problem.”

“Trust me, Sugar, we got the extra rooms to keep ya warm for the night. The farmhouse was designed to keep the whole Apple Family after all.” Applejack chuckled.

“I’m guessing you got a big family?” I grinned.

Twilight groaned. “Remembering all those names! I know you just have to name as many apple related dishes as you can, but there’s so many of you!”

Applejack shot her a mock glare. “Why, I’m almost offended by that, Twi.”

Her nerdy friend smiled meekly. “It’s not my fault you’re all so fertile!”

I gave her a funny look while Applejack burst out laughing. “Don’t I know it! I got three more cousins in the last six months!”

“Damn! That’s too much family.” I shook my head.

She rose and stretched. “It ain’t all bad. Just means that there’s a lot of Hearth and Home Day gifts to go around.”

“I have no idea what that is, but if you’re getting presents, then it kinda sounds like Christmas.” I commented.

“When does Christmas happen?”

“‘Round the end of the year.”

She spread her hands. “Might as well be Hearth and Home Day, then. Hate to ruin the mood, but the Sun’s gettin’ low and I start work early, so let’s get your brother and go home for the day.”

I inhaled and exhaled as I rose. “Right. Got a place to stay, so work is the next step-”

Applejack gave me the most disturbing smile I’ve seen on a woman. “Oh Sugar, don’t you let that handsome little head of yours get you all wound up again, ‘cause I got a solution to your problem.”

“... You ain’t goin’ pimp me out, right?” I asked cautiously.

“I dunno what that means, Jay.”

“You’re not going to make me sell my body, right?”

“What the holy fuck is your world, Jameson? Seriously!?” Applejack removed her cowboy (Cowgirl?) hat and ran a hand through her hair. “Alright, ya gotta-”

“Applejack, I was messing with you. Yeah, there are people who would actually do that in my world, but I already said that I trust your morals, didn’t I? If I’m willing to let my brother and I be defenseless in your home, then I trust you, aight?” I made a placating gesture, but Applejack still wore a heartbroken expression on her face.

“... I don’t know y’all’s situation, but I don’t think ya need to go back to a world like that. Next thing you tell me is that you got people forcing themselves on each other or- or killing each other for no reason!” She looked like she wanted to cry out of empathy, and that probably should have been touching.

I tried to remind myself to tell Ty that the three of them were extremely compassionate. “Yeah, so I’m not going to tell you that. However, I will tell you that my planet learned how to view other planets and that shit’s like, way dope.” I made my attempt.

“... Dear Creator above, what if y’all woulda been some murderers or somethin’? We’d…” Applejack held a hand to her forehead.

I got super fake super fast. “Aw shit, now’s really not the time for jokes. Um… Uh… Yo, we don’t really make a habit out of killin’ people, like, we’re both firmly against just, like, murdering someone or some shit. I mean, I don’t know what Zgarians are like here, but we just some dudes who like to do our own thing, don’t like to mess with no one… Well, Ty likes to fuck with people metaphorically and physically, but he’s a dumbass, y’know? Like, we all know that guy, and that happens to be my brother-”

Applejack held her hands up. “Jay, we ain’t worried about you doin’ nothin’ like that. I woulda beat both a’ y’all blacker and blue by now if I thought ya were dangerous.”

I ran a hand over my hair, shit still tied back. “Yeah, yeah, I take you for a good judge of character. Probably woulda decked us or something if you thought we were dangerous.”

She gave me a look. “Oh, I’m well aware of the fact that y’all are dangerous. We searched you while you were sleeping and we found knives on both a’ ya and some metal gizmos that don’t exactly look like party poppers. It’s half the reason I’m takin’ ya home with me. I know I can handle ya if I need to.”

I rubbed my face. “Well, we’re not dangerous to you girls unless you consider Ty flirting with you constantly to be dangerous. Straight up? We don’t fuck with no one who don’t cross us first. Matthew five thirty-eight forty-two: An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.” I figured it was better to leave off that the next part of the verse was literally ‘turn the other cheek’. Kinda contradicts my point.

“What in Tartarus was that?” Applejack asked.

I blinked. “A verse from the Bible, the Christian holy book.”

“Please explain why you’re letting a book tell you it’s okay to get revenge on people.” Twilight asked, her tone clipped.

I raised a brow at her. “It’s religion, babe. It’s how I was raised.”

“... Christian is your religion?” Twilight asked slowly.

“Christianity is the religion, I am a Christian.” I clarified.

“Alright, but Christianity tells you to hurt people?” She asked like I couldn’t understand her.

“Yo, it doesn't have to make sense to you. It’s an ideology from a different world, after all.”

Twilight glared at me. “If I find out that you’re seeking revenge on people, I’ll be very upset with you, Jay.”

I shrugged. “If you can’t tell, I’m a pretty easy-going person most of the time. When I don’t have to stress, I don’t, and I generally don’t let little stuff get to me anyway. I’ll keep Ty in check, so no worries, alright, Dollface?” I added the last part in just to be patronizing, but it made Twilight blush.

“Flattery won’t make me any less upset.” She said, pouting adorably.

I looked up for a moment, pretending to think, then looked at her again. “Would a kiss do the trick, or am I full of it?” I grinned and waited for her response.

Twilight got flustered and Applejack glared at me. “You really ain’t much better than your brother.”

“All I’m doing is complimenting. I have no intentions to go any further than this until I actually know someone. Unlike Ty, I actually like to learn about people before I make any sort of move to get intimate, but even then it usually takes a couple of dates and a certain connection.” I rambled.

She gave me an odd look. “So you’re a tease?”

I gave her a fucked up look. “Me? Bruh, have you actually looked at me? I’m like, a solid five point five out of ten.”

Applejack folded her arms, giving me an amused look. “If you say so, Sugar.”

I just shook my head and looked at Fluttershy. “Do you think I’m cute, Flutterfly Buttershy?”

She lit up and dropped her eyes to her lap, so I looked back to Applejack, swallowing a grin. “I didn’t really expect that to happen.”

“I’m a good lie detector, Sugar. You’re full of it.” The farm girl said blandly. “We’re gonna stop before you end up getting your brother’s reputation and wake him up.”

“Sounds good to me.” I shrugged. “Let’s go get him.”

The Fluttershy and Twilight took the cue and got up, so I took a moment to let my eyes wander as they stretched. I’d already seen that Applejack was a little on the stocky side, but she was only a few inches shorter than me. The girl had some serious muscle on her and a nice, full pair of breasts on her chest. I’d say they were around a C-cup, maybe a little larger. Either way, I liked what I saw. Twilight was likely a full foot shorter than me, but that just meant that she was fun-sized. She sported a B-cup bordering on a C, but I was mostly interested in the bubble butt she had going on. Her ass was wonderful to look at, but I didn’t let myself look too long and gave Fluttershy a glance. She was actually as tall as me and she was rather well endowed. She was easily a D-cup and the Pawg was real with her. Snow bunny was thicc af, on God. Since she was the last one I looked at she noticed me noticing her and I pretended to be embarrassed to see what she would do. I glanced back at her after a moment to see that she was watching me out of the corner of her eye until I saw her looking.

Ty might get more action than me, but I’m just choosy, not incompetent. Or so I tell myself. I might have just struck gold.

Getting back to my newly fucked up life, Twilight went over and woke Ty up over the course of thirty seconds, and when he was back in the world of the living, He asked, “Bruh, did you sneak me or some shit?”

“We figured it was for the best if we talked to you and Jay together.” Twilight lied through her teeth.

“Nah, they thought I’d be more cooperative since you were being your usual self.” I said smugly.

“Fuck you, nigga, I was handlin’ shit just fine.” He scoffed.

“Right. So Applejack’s lettin’ us stay with her tonight, and I swear on Momma Dorotha that I’ll fuck you up if you try some bullshit with her.” I gave him the look and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever bruh. I gotchu.” He stood up and popped his shoulders before looking at Twilight. “So how you doin’, Babygirl? You give me a second thought yet?”

Twilight flushed, so I stepped in. “Wait until someone approaches you for once, Ty. You’re gonna build a bad rep at this pace.”

“Why you always a killjoy, dude? Do you not know how to have fun?” Ty asked.

“I’ve always stopped you from doing stupid shit, bro. Don’t think the different planet is going to change that.”

“Least you’re not flippin’ your dick over that shit now.” He said drily before looking outside. “I’m guessing we’re not staying much longer?”

“Nope. I gotta get you introduced to Big Mac so he knows to keep an eye on ya.” Applejack said.

Ty and I traded a quick look. “... Is he a drug dealer?”

The country girl looked at us like we were retarded. “We’re farmers, not pharmacists. We don’t handle drugs.”

“Shit’s weird.” Ty said accurately.

“Mos def.” I replied. “It’s whatever, though. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Twilight came up to me and gave me a hug, which was pretty nice. She smelled like lavender. “Have a good walk, Jay. It’s a little far to get to Sweet Apple Acres from here, but it’s not that bad.”

I hugged her back and gave Ty a shit eating grin. “Thanks, Twilight. Have a good night and sweet dreams. If you actually dream of chocolate, I kinda wanna hear about it.”

We let each other go and she gave me a nice smile. “I’ll be sure to remember it for you. Take care.”

“Likewise.” I turned to Fluttershy and gave her a gentle smile. “Am I gettin’ a hug, or do I have to settle for less?”

She stepped forward shyly, so I made the first move and kept it brief. “It’s been great meetin’ y’all. Here’s hoping we can all get to know each other better while Ty and I are here.”

Fluttershy smiled, her face partially obscured by her hair. “That would be nice.”

I gave her a little wink to see if she would blush, which she totally did, and faced Applejack. “Making friends is fun.”

She gave me a curious look. “For a guy who carries weapons around with him, ya sure seem awful nice.”

I shrugged. “I make an effort for people who are nice to me.”

“He’s a pussy.” Ty said bluntly.

“I’ll hit you in yours if you keep talking shit.” I threatened.

“Fuck with me, boy. I’ll tag you with a six piece before you even get halfway there.” He shot back.

“Damn meathead.” I grumbled.

Ty clapped a heavy hand onto my back in the usual spot, but my days of stumbling were long gone. “Ay bruh, it just means you can be Captain Save-a-Hoe if you really wanna be.”

I gave him a look, but Applejack asked, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Don’t worry about it. He’s talking about women with morals that ain’t exactly up to par, and he’s tryna say that I’d be the dude to make ‘em into respectable women.” I explain.

“AKA Captain Save-a-Hoe.” Ty repeated.

Applejack gave him a look. “I don’t see how makin’ an honest woman outta a gal is somethin’ to poke fun at someone over.”

Ty returned her look with one of his own. “Why you always buggin’ over somethin’?”

She didn’t look amused. “Maybe my morals just don’t match up to your too good.”

“I’d drink to that.” I scoffed.

“Bruh, like, who’s side are you even on right now?” Ty asked.

“Yo, fam, I’ve been trying to get you to walk the straight path for a hot minute. This shit ain’t a surprise.” I said calmly.

“Yeah, but now it feels like I ain’t got no backup. We need the squad in this bitch.” Ty grumbled.

“The ‘squad’?” Twilight asked.

“Let ‘em explain tomorrow. For now, we gotta get movin’ while there’s still daylight.” Applejack said firmly. “Iffin’ y’all wouldn’t mind followin’ me, we can get a move on.”

Ty glanced at Fluttershy and Twilight, but neither of them made a move toward him. “It was nice to meet y’all and all that shit. Maybe we can get together again?” He asked with his trademark smirk.

Fluttershy hid behind Twilight and the purple-haired woman smiled nervously. “Yes, that would be… Nice. Maybe you and ay could stop by for tea sometime?”

Ty frowned and looked at me. “Since when do females like you more than me?”

I looked at him like he was retarded. “Think back to J. Cole’s No Role Models. One time for My L.A. Sisters and all that. These girls ain’t hoes, fam. You gotta treat ‘em like the women they are rather than the hoes you wannem’ to be.”

“Some pussy nigga shit is what it is, bruh. Why you so sensitive all of a sudden?” Ty said with a little heat.

“Still whoop that ass, boy. You ain’t goin’ have time to slip me somethin’.”

He rolled his eyes. “Frontin’ like a bitch. Are we leavin’, or nah?”

Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight kinda just stared at us. “... Do y’all talk to each other like that all the time, or…?” The cowgirl asked.

“We ain’t about to throw hands over it if that’s whatchu gettin’ at. We just givin’ each other shit.” Ty explained.

“Gotta admit we take it kinda far. Lotta fights almost got started ‘cause people thought we were bein’ real.” I commented.

Applejack rubbed her temples like she was the one who was on a different planet. “Alright, y’all need to stop that. People are gonna get real worried real fast with how aggressive ya sound when you’re spittin’ such hateful words at each other. Like, cool it. Please.”

“Bruh, we just walked into a world of snowflakes.” Ty grumbled under his breath.

“We walked into a place that seems pretty peaceful, fuckboy. We got lucky.” I replied in the same tone.

“Y’all wanna share with the group, or are ya gonna keep mumblin’ to yourselves?” Applejack asked irritably.

“We’re gonna mumble some more since you wanna be like that.” Ty mumbled.

“This is petty, but fuck it.” I muttered.

“Children, the both of ya.” Blondie huffed. “Whatever, you can mumble and walk, right?”

I smirked at her. “I can even chew gum and blink simultaneously.”

“I can dunk on you.” Ty grinned like a dumbass.

“You can what, bud?” Applejack asked.

“He’s talking about a sport called basketball. All he can do is dunk since he’s tall.” I jabbed.

“All you can do is shoot threes, so you ain’t really got room to talk.” My brother countered.

“Which is worth more points?” I asked with a smarmy grin.

“Fuck off.”

Applejack chuckled. “Y’all need to keep points on stuff like this. Twi, Flutters, y’all have a good night, and don’t forget to do the things.”

Twilight nodded curtly. “I’ll get it done ASAP!”

Fluttershy wrung her hands, but without the haste that usually came with anxiety. It seemed like a force of habit. “I-I’ll talk to Angel and see if he can round up some volunteers.”

Farmer Jane gave her a look. “You’d have better luck askin’ yourself, but if that’s how ya wanna do it, then it’s all good.” She looked to Ty. “Keep your hands to yourself.”

He casually slugged me while looking at Applejack, so I hit him back. “Bitch. I’m sorry, did you say somethin’, AJ?”

“Test me, pal. Keep it up.” She said coldly.

Ty tapped my chest and gave me a grin. “She think she bad, bruh.”

“Why are you the way you are, man? Why are you pissin’ off the person who’s lettin’ us stay in their house?” I asked.

He stopped grinning. “Shut up, killjoy.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ready when you are, Applejack.”

Applejack continued glaring at Ty for a little bit. “So far Jay bein’ such a pleasant guy is the only reason you got a place to lay your head tonight. I suggest you listen to him.”

I grabbed his arm. “Let it go. I’m pretty sure she thinks you been disrespectin’ her instead of fuckin’ around.”

“Ah. Skin ain’t too thick, right. You know how I do with sensitive people though, bro.” My brother scratched his beard.

“Yeah, I need you to not. We gotta do as the Romans do, and it’s lookin’ like the Romans play nice ‘round here, so I need you to treat people in general like you treat my Mom.” I gave him the look.

It was well received. “I’m about to be bored and blue balled.” He bitched.

“Not for long. Walk around town once or twice, you’ll get enough offers to keep ya happy.” Applejack said matter-of-factly.

Ty smiled like a jackass and we got the fuck outta there for the time being. The difference in the worlds was striking within the first few breaths. The air on Arkaid was cleaner than the air on earth, and it might just have been someone’s perfume or a nearby florist, but there was a fragrance on the air that was distinctly feminine. I didn’t know what exactly it was, but when I asked Ty about it, he said he didn’t notice anything, but then again, he’s not exactly known for paying attention to anything without labia and breasts on its chest.

Walking through the town was odd. The architecture was unfamiliar with the houses being somewhat old-timey. I couldn’t really nail what they’d be like since I’m not exactly Mr. Well-Traveled, but the ceramic roof tiles and colorful stylings told me that Ty and I had probably ended up in some hippy-ass town with love and peace and bullshit. It wasn’t a bad place to touch down, in my opinion, but there could easily be some dark underbelly to the town that I wasn’t aware of. I didn’t like not knowing what was going on in the darker aspects of life since I was used to having my finger on the pulse wherever I went. Hell, I was as well connected in Forrester as I was in Alton Park, so I was looking forward to getting my feelers out. I didn’t need to ask to know that Ty was hoping that Applejack had been telling the truth earlier, and a quick glance told me that he was watching her rear with salacious intent.

Dude’s full of testosterone. It’s not my fault, I swear.

Anyway, it really wasn’t that far of a walk to get to Sweet Apple Acres, but it was dark b the time we got to the farmhouse. Applejack let us know that we were going to meet her Grandma and her little sister too, and that if we laid an unfriendly finger on either of them, we’d be dead before we took two steps. Ty didn’t like being threatened, but I respected Applejack’s loyalty to her family and skepticism of us in general, so I broke it down for him and we got the ball rolling again. We got in the farmhouse and the rest of the Apple Family was sitting around with steaming shit in mugs, and they all asked where Applejack had been for dinner shortly before she waved Ty and I in.

I scanned the trio quickly and saw a blonde dude the size of Ty, if not a little beefier, a girl with red hair who seemed to be somewhere around fifteen or sixteen, and and old lady with silver and white tied up in a bun. She met my gaze and I gave her a nod, which made her smirk for some reason. They seemed like your average country folk, but not like rednecks or some shit. They actually looked like they farmed and didn’t blow time mud wrestling or whatever the fuck it is those backwards muhfuckers do.

“Granny, Mac, Apple Bloom, these guys are Jay and Ty.” Applejack introduced us and gestured to each of us in turn. “They got an interestin’ story, but the sum of it is that they ain’t from Arcadia and they could use a place to lay their heads.”

“Shoulda ran that by me awhile ago.” The guy who I assumed to be either her brother or her boyfriend said. Maybe both. We coulda been in Analog-Alabama for all I knew.

“Kinda came up on short notice.” Applejack replied. “If you got questions, feel free to start askin’.”

Mac looked at Ty, but Granny got to me before he could say anything. “Hey Jay, what would ya say your favourite dessert is?”

I thought about it. “Gotta say I like any kind of chocolate other than white chocolate. If it’s chocolate, I like it.”

“That’s what I thought, Sonny.” The old lady said cryptically, but I was fucking lost.

“Granny, what does that have to do with anything?” Applejack asked.

“Oh, nothin’ much. If he woulda said some kinda candy, he wouldn’t be stayin’ under my roof.” Granny huffed.

“Glad to know I passed a test.” I said. “Can we keep not warning me before the tests come up? Keeps me honest.”

“And that’s how we like ya.” Applejack confirmed.

“Why you lookin’ like you wanna go.” Big Mac said to Ty, making Applejack and I sigh.

“Maybe I wanna see if you can use that size a’ yours. Big country boy like you prolly got a mean haymaker.” Ty answered.

“Bro, no. Please.” I said quickly.

“Come on! Let me at least do somethin’!”

“We got a pound of grass and nothing to do with it. Chill.”

“That goes for you too, Mcintosh.” Applejack said in a level voice. “I don’t want you lettin’ yourself get all riled up over nothin’.”

He rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

Ty gave me a look. “So what? You an’ Applejack are the older-younger siblings or something?”

“We’re the mature ones, yeah.” Applejack said blandly.

“Maturity is relative. I’m a free spirit that just so happens to be goal oriented.” I said, baiting Ty.

“Shut the fuck up you fairy ass snowflake.” He said dismissively.

He got glares from around the room and I cracked up. “Sucker.”

Understanding dawned on his face. “You goin’ do your own brother like tat?”

“Ay, I’m just tryin’ to get you to stop fuckin’ cussin’ so much.” I grinned at him.

Applejack jammed a finger into my chest. “You need to watch it too, buster. This house ain’t gonna tolerate that kinda language.”

“Message received, Cowgirl.” I gave her a nod.

She looked at Ty and he nodded. “I gotcha. Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’.”

Applejack nodded curtly. “Alright then. I’m sure we can get y’all sorted out with some leftovers from dinner before gettin’ ya to your rooms.”

Granny got up and lead Applejack, Ty and I to the kitchen where all sorts of soul food was waiting. Collard greens, turnip greens, cornbread, beans with fatback, you name it, it was in their magic fridge. Shit made no sense to me, but neither did the warming basin that they put the food in to get it heated back up. It was some shit straight out of a pseudoscientific fantasy novel or something, and I was thrown through a loop when Granny got my plate put together. Ty and I joined hands with Applejack to say grace, but she had a prayer of her own to go through, so we waited for her to finish before we got started.

I’ve never known too many white people to know how to properly season their food, and I’m not trying to say that white folk can’t cook. That’s straight up wrong. You go to most decent chain restaurants and it’s a white dude cooking your food, but your average suburban Mom? Hamburger Helper doesn’t cut it, Lisa. Apple Family food, however? I gotta apologize to my Grandmomma because they shit was bangin’, and I feel like slang really makes the emotion pop on that one. Like, Thanksgiving with Ty’s family was always dope, but Granny Smith can cook her ass off and put it back on with dessert. The apple pie crust was flaky, yet tender, and the cinnamon in the filling added just the right note to my slice that I was in oral Heaven while I ate that shit. If that pie had a dick, I’d probably suck it for another taste.

Once we got done wolfing down our first meal in about twenty-four hours, Applejack laid down some house rules and threatened to break our balls if we so much as thought about going after her little sister. I tend toward liking older women because they’re more mature, and Ty likes ‘em legal, so Apple Bloom had nothing to worry about from either of us. Applejack, however, had a Big Sister Complex from Hell and made it pretty clear that she’d geld us if we laid a hand on Apple Bloom, so we swore that we wouldn’t touch her if we could help it to make her feel better. I know Ty too well to say that he wasn’t tempted to go start fucking with Apple Bloom that very minute just because he was told not to, so when Applejack left us alone for the night, I took him aside and personally asked him to avoid getting us thrown out before we could get a solid place to stay set up.

As always, Ty took my words for what they were and let it go then and there, so I left him alone in his room so I could try and catch some non-drug-induced sleep. Sadly, it eluded me as I slowly felt the Valium peter out. My mind was awash with worries and fears all over again, so I started pacing around the relatively small room to burn some of the energy that was building up. The clock on the nightstand told me that it was about two in the morning when I heard three soft knocks on my door. When I answered it, I came face to face with Big Mac and he didn’t seem too happy.

“You ain’t sleepin’.” He pointed out bluntly.

“Stressed out, man. Can I help you with something? Anything?” I asked, trying to get my hands busy.

McIntosh jerked his chin, gesturing for me to follow him. “Come on.”

I shrugged off the bad feeling I had and trailed after him, barefoot on the wooden floors of the farmhouse. I hoped that I wouldn’t get a splinter or some shit, but I was mostly hoping that Max wasn’t going to try me or some shit. However, that thought became less likely when I saw that he was leading me to the living room where Applejack was waiting in an old lady’s night gown. Mac sat next to her in a nearby chair, so I sat on the couch across from them.

“Good time to talk I guess. Figure all three of us are having a little trouble sleeping.” I said mildly.

Applejack nodded. “You want some whiskey to help with that? You don’t look like much of a drinker, but a couple shots’ll steady your nerves.”

"You're not wrong, though if you wouldn’t mind too much.” I gave her a lopsided grin.

Applejack started filling the glasses that were on the table and slid one over to me. “Seein’ as how you’re up so late, I got a few questions for ya, Jay.”

I sipped the whiskey. Shit burned. “Ask away.”

“What did you do before you came to Arcadia? What was your job?” She asked.

“I was a college student, working at a little donut slash coffee shop called Dunkin’ Donuts when I wasn’t going to school. The pay wasn’t great, but it put food on my table so I didn’t have to trap all the time.”

“I’m feelin’ like you don’t mean trappin’ animals.” Applejack stated.

“I mean sellin’ the shit we smoked earlier, maybe some snow on occasion. Depends on what I got and who wants what, y’know?”

“Can’t really say that I do. What side of the law did that put you on?”

“It was a way to get by, Applejack. Ain’t sayin’ I’m proud of it, I’m just comin’ clean about doin’ it.” I said softly.

She nodded a few times. “So y’all ain’t exactly the ‘Law-Abiding-Citizen’ type, are ya?”

“We are when we can be.”

“Given how rough your world sounds, it wouldn’t surprise me much to find out that the laws there are just as twisted as some of the people.” Applejack said bitterly, downing most of her whiskey in one go.

“It all depends on how much money you have, but don’t let me depress you. My world is full of marvelous things too, it’s just muddied up by the bad stuff.” I tried.

Mac grunted. “From what AJ tells me, y’all come from Tartarus.”

“We come from America, dude, and it’s not that bad.”

“It sounds pretty bad, but if you’re used to it, then it probably don’t seem like the world’s fallin’ apart.” Applejack muttered.

I drained my glass and grimaced. “Yo, I got a bowl in my bag if y’all wanna smoke.”

“If you wanna do it, go right on ahead. I don’t think that’s my thing.” Applejack said.

“I only need the sauce.” Mac mumbled. What, no ketchup?

I shrugged and went off to grab my shit. When I came back, the Apple sibling were talking about how they would handle Ty if they needed to, but I assuaged them and told them that he would listen to me long before punches started getting thrown. I’ve always been my brother’s keeper just as much as he’s been mine, and I’ve gotten us out of more fights than I can count because I’m usually the one with a cool head. Ty, on the other hand, usually just backs me up if he doesn’t catch me before I flip my shit.

I told Big McIntosh and Applejack that I looked forward to working with them since I’d always wondered what farm life was like, but Applejack’s creepy smile from earlier came back and McIntosh looked like he was waiting for me to find Ben Dover, so I was fearing for my rear until Mac explained that they just liked to work their extra hands as hard as they can and I shrugged it off since I tended to work like a machine anyway. Autopilot settles in quickly enough whenever I want to devote brainpower to something else, so I took their ominous hints and mild cackles with a brave face.

We ended up staying awake until it was time for us to begin work, so I helped Applejack in the kitchen while Mac went to go find some of his clothes from his teenage years that might fit me. When he returned, he told me that he’d laid the stuff on my borrowed bed and I let him know that I appreciated the favour more than he could know, but he just clapped a hand on my shoulder kinda like how Ty usually does and fucked off to go do something else while Applejack and I chatted about some shit. We both constantly sipped on coffee as we put breakfast together and when Granny and Apple Bloom got up to join us, they were thrilled that the food was almost done and all they had to do was wait on it. I had to go grab Ty because unlike me, that boy can sleep anywhere, anytime, for any reason. At least he’s always quick to get moving.

We got everyone settled down at the table and the Apple Family’s prayer came first this time around. Ty and I still got ours in, but that opened us up to a small flood of questions from Granny about our thoughts on The Creator. She didn’t really comment on how I was pretty sure that God didn’t really have much to do with anything these days, but she did chastise Ty for saying grace when he wasn’t a believer. He told her that he preferred to have his bases covered, just in case he was wrong, but I knew that the real reason was that he was just so used to putting up the front that he could slip on the Christian mask whenever he wanted. No one ever asked him about whether or not he actually believed that God existed since they tended to assume that he was Christian due to his choice of ink and ice. Dumbass just thought crosses were cool, and they’re also ‘T’s, which makes him happy for stupid reasons.

I’ll get to our first full day in Arcadia next time. I got shit to do right now, and I really shouldn’t have been writing this long in the first place. Stay Frosty or some shit.

Author's Notes:

And thus I've begun a new idea that I had. From my time living in Chattanooga, Tennessee and Georgia, I met two guys who are the base for Ty and Jay. They actually turned out to be my cousins, but those soundcloud-rappin motherfuckers were hilarious whenever we got together. Here's hoping that a bit of life makes the story more relatable, though I'm pretty sure the demographic for MLP fans is mostly caucasian dudes at this point.

... Oh well. I already wrote it, and I plan on writing more.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids