Horses in Their Courses

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc., Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Celestia surveyed the ruined dojo and felt absurdly pleased. Then was shocked as one of the combatants actually managed to totter to his feet.

"The Blue Thunder shall not let you have this day," the youth said as he stood and took a stance.

"But with the sorcerer out of the way, the path to the fair Akane lays wide open," Luna explained as she walked in with the dojo's sign.

The momentary uncertainty was all it took for Celestia to buck the youth over the horizon.

"This is like taking candy from a baby," Luna commented as she levitated the sign to Celestia.

Celestia winced as she dug through the rubble to locate one of the combatants. "Speak for yourself."

"I was," Luna replied, "It was handling all the outside crazies."

"But you could fly out there," Celestia said as she dragged the one she'd mentally dubbed Water Falls out of the rubble of the wall. Luna was carefully repairing the little shrine in the corner.

"Now," Celestia said, setting the large bag of bits in front of the man, "You have a choice, these." She indicated the bag and the sign. "Or Ranma." She bucked the Cat-Who-Wasn't away as it leapt at her again. "And if you start crying, I'll make it my choice, not yours."

The impending waterworks ended as fast as they started. "He is honor bound to -" Silence fell as the sound of wood splintering reached his ears.

"Wait!" the eldest of the two noncombatants shouted as the two braved the battlefield, she briefly stared at Luna's restoration work, then concentrated on Celestia, "Is he happy, and is he fulfilling his duty as a martial artist?"

"He is at the moment defending an entire planet from an invading army against impossible odds," Celestia said.

With Discord's force there, I'm not sure who's odds are impossible, Celestia thought. A fast wing buffet knocked the older woman's sword clear out of the compound, without disturbing Celestia's end of the conversation, The 'silly cartoon horses' aren't so incapable now, are we? She longed to ask the woman off chasing the sword.

The eldest took a moment to compose herself. "So he's never been happier," the eldest said while the other eyed the bag that she could have squeezed herself into.

Maybe that's what she has in mind, Celestia thought, She'd seen enough of both kinds in her long life to almost predict their actions, if she used Pinkie Pie or Discord as a filter.

The two stepped away to confer. Comb walked in. "Well?"

The Queen shrugged. "It's there, but such a thin gruel anyone who needed it would starve," Comb told her.

Considering Comb had said that Ranma's need for affection rivaled a changeling's, Celestia thought, More reason not to leave him here. Mortal damage for him doesn't come through combat, but apathy.

The pair returned with a small box, Water Falls began to tear up. "How could you betray your old father so?" he whined, then broke down.

The Panda began stirring, but a quick spell set him snoring again. Celestia didn't believe in `honorable war` any more than the bronicorns did, but it was a useful fiction when the stakes were low and the two fighting needed to be friends or at least associates afterward. There is little need here, Celestia thought as she gazed at the old woman on her walking stick who'd watched the fight but stayed clear of it as much as possible.

She set the contract down on a crystal table she'd conjured. The younger of the two noncombatants read it over quickly. The best, read most nefarious, legal minds in Equestria had prepared the contract. Then Scholar had given it the once over. They could break the terms, but only at great cost, in both honor and financially.

The pair basically mare-handled the man to affix his stamp to the contract. Celestia hoofstamped it, carefully collected it, duplicated it and floated the duplicate to the older of the two, who handed it to the younger while the father wept.

"Well, this was fun," Celestia said, and restored the half-destroyed building to its former state, "But I'm afraid I have other fish to fry."

"What about all the others?" the younger of the pair asked.

"They have a picture of the Magic Panda," Luna said, "And the suggestion that maybe he and the sword-carrier can produce another son, and methods to encourage them."

Despite Celestia's sleep spell, the Magic Panda sat up with an expression of terror on its face.

"Tah tah," Celestia said. She was ready for the old woman's leap as Celestia began stepping through `the gate back to Equestria`. The gate was an illusion. The gate the woman traversed ahead of them led to a small, nearby island. Celestia remembered it was called Hon-shoe. Then Comb powered up the real gate spell, and the trio returned home.
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The reporter stood shivering as the two, pink-purple telephone poles rested on his shoulders and the fanged maw the size of a bus whispered in his ear. "Please take two days food and water," the reporter repeated as his cameraman, who could see the entirety of the leviathan who'd somehow sneaked up on them, kept the camera on him, rather than said leviathan. "This is approximately 5 liters per person for drinking and basic sanitation. Canned or in foil food that can be eaten uncooked is preferable."

The leviathan smiled for the camera, then began whispering again.

"Please obey the instruction of the Self-Defense force and the police. Keeping civilians clear of the battlefield will allow them to end the battle more quickly," the reporter repeated, part of him wondered about the strange language the kaiju was speaking, but the meaning was practically burning into his brain until he spoke the words, meaning like 'Self-Defense Force' rather than army, and 'police' instead of guards.

"We appreciate your cooperation and we will do our best to reduce casualties, damage and disruption, your cooperation will assist in this endeavor," the reporter repeated. Then the telephone poles removed themselves, and the cameraman tracked the huge creature taking to the air, rather than the reporter collapsing to the ground and voiding his bladder and bowels.
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Spikezilla felt he'd done the PR move to the best of his ability. My mind is clearer, he thought, Not so much 'Spike want' and more like a proper guard.

Patrick, Don and Makoto had gone looking for the senshi. Discord had gone straight to where the 'local chaos' as he insisted on calling it, was located. Spike headed that way.

At least I sort of know what he's gonna do, Spike thought as he waggled his wings at a swarm of machines that would have made Twilight and Rainbow equally insane with their capabilities. He followed them in as they made a run at the two chaos titans exchanging fire.

Discord's not doing anything silly, Spike thought, This IS serious. He added a burst of dragon fire to the mix, then raced away to catch the flaming flying machine and rescue the trapped pilot.

There should be a better way to get out of those things, Spike thought, Like the ejector seats in the comics. Maybe they don't have the springs for it.
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Discord watched the creature untangle itself from the form he'd turned it into. And it advanced again. Blind, idiot chaos, Discord thought, At least Azathoth has a swingin' musical group. What would Picard do? Nah, talking wouldn't work, and what Kirk would do is too squicky even for me. Logic bombs, brr.

He'd already infused it with the entire US tax code and the essence of an International Law lawyer, and while it did have an effect, it wasn't sufficient. Spikezilla's dragon fire had little effect, and dropping it onto the moon or into the sun would be disastrously useless.

Discord was glad to see the dragon-forms of Patrick and Don arriving, bearing the senshi like open topped air-buses. He'd used all his best tricks, but humans had creative ways of inflicting harm and anguish on even not sentient things.

Patrick carried a small glowing box and dropped it into the middle of the chaotic mass. Then he and Don raced away. Spikezilla and Discord took the hint and raced away, putting a ridge of hills between them and the mass that its followers named Chaos.

"What's in there?" Discord asked as he popped up next to Patrick.

"The equivalent of a bride finding her betrothed's porn stash the night before the wedding," Patrick answered.

"I hope it works on nonsentient entities, because that thing is just an appetite," Discord said, "Its servants did all the thinking and planning."

Patrick conferred briefly with Don. "It'll work," Don assured Discord.

Discord took his ears off and shook them. Sailor Mercury immediately caught the small dog that fell out. "Shouldn't it have exploded by now?" Discord asked.

"You don't think it's like Ranma, do you?" Sailor Jupiter asked as she too hopped off the dragon. The other senshi followed suit.

Discord crawled up the hill on his belly and encountered, Discord. The pair of them performed the 'mirror trick', mimicking the motions of the other for a bit. Equestrian Discord leading, until Discord did a tapdance and Senshi Discord did a far more razzmatazz and rhizomatous version. Then Equestrian Discord was the mirror and Senshi Discord mirrored.

"I like it," Equestrian Discord said, and stepped aside as Senshi Discord approached the horrified to bemused senshi. The Outers, save Saturn were horrified, but Sailor Moon gave him the hug he requested. The other senshi ignored the moustache she came away with, with varying degrees of success.

"What did you drop in there?" Equestrian Discord asked as Patrick transformed back into human.

"One of every 'Hello Kitty' product and knock-off in Japan," Patrick said, "Well, the essence of them."

Both Discords and half the senshi cringed. "You are evil," they told him.

Equestrian Discord resumed his Q-like appearance while Senshi Discord transformed himself into a fuku, then transformed himself into Discord in a fuku. "Just so you don't have to keep typing 'Equestrian Discord'," `Q` said as he looked around, "Oh dear, I hope you pay your editor, your first drafts are atrocious."

"Let's erase this bit where you get hit by a divine lightning bolt," Sailor Discord said, "Oh right, 'Its servants did all the thinking and planning'." Sailor Discord marched to the top of the hill and shouted to the assembled forces. "Stop worshiping me, you have lives and dreams - " And he ran back down the hill as the fusillade raked the crest. "It didn't work for Brian either, comedy as social commentary, who knew."

`Q` and most of the senshi facepalmed.

Ranma ran into the group, almost literally. "They are summoning more sort of senshi, and I mean a lot more."

"Sailor Galaxia," Chibi-Usa told them.

"I think we've got a real fight on our hands," Ranma said.

"Spike, Ranma, Makoto and I will go for the summoning," Patrick said, "The rest of you keep this contained."

"How?" Sailor Mars asked, "Put a bubble over it?" Then looked at the bubble that had formed over the battlefield.

"We're bubble-sisters!" Sailor Discord said as he hugged Sailor Mercury.

"Why not let Discords deal with them?" Sailor Moon said.

"Those people are powered by chaos, those two are chaos," Don said, "Like saying the power of X flows through my veins, to a vampire. It won't end well."

The senshi nodded.