Ever Dance With a Dragon In the Pale Moonlight?
Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

"Wait! Wait! Wait!" the lead baker called, a creature that barely reached his shoulder, "You recognize elves, but we aren't like most of them."

A raised eyebrow indicated both an invitation to speak, but also the very finite resources of time and patience. "Sometimes we can obsess over things," the small creature said, and glanced around for support, which was only forthcoming from his audience, "Well, we like pastries. Not great cakes and those things. The simple ones."

"We ma'e th' b'st doughnuts, sw't r'lls and m'ffins," an elf who somehow evoked an anguished Montgomery Scott talking about his engines, without the proper brogue, "But the eatin' an' enjoyin' is a big p'rt."

"For that we need a frontpony, someone to interface with the customers," 'Baker' said, "We'd be no good at it."

"Big sn'ty place, yeah," 'Scotty' insisted, "But tha's na wha' we wan'!"

He snorted. "Do you have the faintest idea who I am?"

The pair stared at him deeply, and paled. "We do now," Baker said.

"Y'u're sti' better th'n we're," Scotty insisted, "And we don'a wanna g' b'ck. Mus' be why th' own'r ran off. The Queen's coming." He said the last as if it were a sentence of death.

He considered facing an Elf-Queen, In my previous form, no problem. In this one . . . .

"What was your agreement," he asked, "No elf-lord would let subjects simply escape?"

"The place's owner had to have blood on his hooves," Baker said, "Then she sent us here. Four hundred years and no one raises their hooves to each other."

"Blood like this?" he eliminated the shields from the hoof that had introduced the centaur Tirek to a brick wall.

Scotty sniffed at it. "Tha'll do. But wash it afo'e the customers arrive."

"So I don't have to sacrifice a pony right in front of the Queen?" he asked.

Both shook their heads.

"Very well, I assume the screen, which will not hold me," he said as he resumed his guise as an Earth pony, "Was a factor of the building, and not you lot. Because I'm considering dismantling it."

"The owner h's to stay close," Scotty explained, "But we did juice it up when he started panicking."

"So when I took the job, it switched over to me and he ran off," he said, "Very well, besides keeping the place running flawlessly." He let them smile with pride that he acknowledged their accomplishment. "What else can you do?"

A small elf maid, of gnomish face and form approached, carrying a satchel that looked more like a portfolio for her. "Copies of your birth certificate, and diplomas," she said as she presented them, "They hand copy and notarize documents, so they'll pass even police inspections."

He nodded. "Thank you," he said and smiled as she withdrew to another gnomish elf, her husband or lover. "Would the Queen's pending arrival have anything to do with these brony-alicorns who've been popping up? After all, if a magical signature draws all law-enforcement and the military's attention, then the Queen's arrival could go unnoticed."

This was clearly beyond their ken, he thought as little groups formed and discussed, with some of the lower-status ones running from group to group. He studied the dynamic, then called a halt. "I don't need an answer, but it's clear you all think it's a reasonable assumption."

"I don't!" one of the runners said, and quailed when he looked at the elf.

"Continue," he told the elf, "I won't eat a respectful and well thought out dissent, out of hand."

"The Queen could either slip in unnoticed, not care about the mystical fanfare of her arrival," he took a deep breath before continuing, "Or it wouldn't be just these distractions, she'd be doing things to attack the defenders directly or indirectly."

He sighed. I keep doing good deeds, I'm going to grow a shell and saber teeth, he thought angrily, But there's one line of attack, that according to the locals has only one defender.

"Very well, I will uphold the bargain, for the moment. And deal with the Queen when she arrives," he told them, "And despite the legends, I can take short naps, which is what I intend to do. If I'm not up an hour before opening, yell 'is that your mother-in-law', and run. I'll be awake shortly."

They snickered at that as he withdrew. There was a cot in the office, he took advantage of it, and decided he needed to make at least some introductions.

It was the bleakest dreamscape he'd ever seen, and he'd been the cause of some pretty bad ones. The only bright spot was that he'd been returned to his native form here. His utterly nightmarish appearance was his again. That made his job so much easier. But adjuring a chance to luxuriate in his own skin, claws and wings was harder, much. He so enjoyed being a dragon of nightmares.

Spotting his quarry among the rubble of what had been the 'Castle of Ludwig the Mad' he'd spotted on the side of the mountain outside of Ponyville, he dove down, to sweep in behind her. His silent approach was perfect as he considered the female alicorn whose nose and horn were practically digging furrows in the ground.

"When the world gifts you lemons, make lemonade," he boomed at her, knocking her ass over teacup and eliciting a furious stare as she initially resented, then feared his intrusion. Big dragons she was used to, not dragons who'd give archdevils bowel fluxes. "Why don't we clean this all up?" he asked and pointed daintily at the surroundings, "A bit of healthy exercise in the sunshine and accomplishing something you really want, is the perfect recipe for turning a frown upside down."

The blue alicorn stared at him. The demonic reverb in his voice not at all jiving with what he was saying. "Who - what are you?"

"I'm the Cheerful Fairy," he told her, "I knew you needed a pick-me-up, so I packed my bag and came on down." He did a pirouette and a bow that did nothing to settle her mind.

"Can you not see what this is?" she asked and waved around a hoof, "Can you not see yourself." She conjured a mirror and moved it before him.

"Oh dear!" he trilled as he recoiled, "I see what you mean." He licked his forepaw, letting her see his huge, black teeth and long, blood-red tongue, then rubbed his nose. "Smudge," he said, "All better now." He gave a happy grin.

Which Luna didn't take. The alicorn's mouth hung open as she stared.

"Hmm." He sat on his haunches and took a 'Thinker's' pose. "It seems we'll have to get some tea and cookies inside you before we can do anything."

The settings were of a full high-tea, biscuits (British and American meanings), jams and jellies, a centerpiece that could also serve as a buffet, sandwiches, and six varieties of tea, varying in strength from dishwater to knurd-inducing. He poured a mop-bucket-sized cup of number 5 to give to Luna, and took a demitasse of number 6.

Luna stared at herself in the teacup. "I don't deserve this," she said.

At that, he laughed, really laughed. The sound shocked her out of her stupor and had her ready to bolt. "No one 'deserves' what they get out of life," he said as The Cheerful Fairy, "Hard work goes unrewarded, and the meritless rocket to the heights. The question is what do you do when you get knocked down?"

She looked up briefly, then down into the huge teacup. He took advantage of her flagging control to wipe the gloom from the sky, replacing it with the sky over Ponyville he'd seen on his first day, and the sun was Princess Celestia's cutie mark, with Celestia's grin dead center of it. He downed the tea more slowly than he would have liked, and poured another to hide the shakes the effort had induced.

"See, I did the easy part, and you can start on the rest," he told her.

She drank a considerable amount of the tea and then licked her lips before really looking at him. "Why are you -?" she asked and waved a foreleg at him.

He transformed into a pleasantly dowdy unicorn matron in a worn sweater and travel-stained boots. "Because if I'd appeared like this, it wouldn't have penetrated." He returned to his natural appearance. "As for why I came here," he said, "There's an Elf Queen coming. It doesn't take a genius to guess that she'd overwhelm Princess Celestia with alicorns, and Princess Luna with the population's nightmares. I wasnted, wasnted? Wanted, to tell you that you two aren't alone. I'm a little too indelicate to interface meaningfully with your ponies, but the Elf-Queen is not a problem, for me. The ripples she's sending through your principality are your problem, the storm generating them is mine." While he'd been talking, his tail had been moving around one particular pile of rubble than had attempted to befuddle him earlier.

Like a striking snake, it dove in and yanked out what he'd half-expected. The elf kept changing into various forms and striking at the dragon's tail. But the few forms that could penetrate the thick scales to wound him depended on poisons for damage, but those just burned away in the caustic holocaust of his blood. The elf screamed as some of that blood spattered on his arm, eating cauterized holes to the bone.

"I don't get depressed," the dragon told the elf, "I just get puckish, then peckish."

"Don't kill him," Luna commanded, flying up to get a better look at her assailant.

"Heaven forfends," he pledged solemnly, "When there are so many fun things he can live through."

The elf tried to clam up, but this was a dream, and with her confidence returning, and righteous anger burning bright, the elf stood no chance. She was gentler than the dragon would have been, and peeled the layers of the elf's defenses away like peeling an onion, instead of smashing him open and rifling the content from what was left as was the dragon's wont.

I'm glad I'm 'on her side', the dragon thought, I would be hard pressed to stand against that. And she's not even at full song yet.

Luna breathed heavily, the dragon reached out and steadied her, earning a grateful nod. "They have been attacking my people, spreading nightmares, increasing anxiety, and generally making ponies miserable."

"And diverting your attention from assisting your sister or the Harmony Knights in dealing with the alicorn invasion," the dragon added, and got a nod in return.

"I'll hunt the others down," Luna said, "I sense you were both telling the truth, and lying about so many things I would be hard pressed to determine where one stopped and the next started."

"Very well. I have no designs against your people, you or your sister, the terrain features of your country, or the ponies' dreamscape in their persons or terrain features," he told her, "True or false?"

"I would gauge that true," she said.

"With the important caveat, if a pony's life is in danger, you and your sister included, I will break any or all of those promises," he said, "I will not allow someone I care about to come to harm for words and my reputation. I've murdered those I've sworn not to raise my hand against, when they thought to use that vow to give them a free attack against my allies. My word is only as good as the person I've given it to. Likewise, negotiations are always possible."

Luna gulped and nodded worriedly.

"Second, do not assume that just because I am on your and your ponies' side, that I am good. The most evil creature you can imagine would quail in their boots on hearing some of the things I've done," he told her, "However, I'm no mad monster. I have learned that a bit of pain and discomfort in a mix of gained wisdom, enlightenment and self-discovery tend to cement the lesson better and even have many returning for more, so while I may put the thumbscrews to you, you'll get far more for the action than you suffer. I'm not stupid enough to do something that would make you my blood enemy. Make you cringe when I enter the room, or speak, yes, but not enough to have you running for cover. It isn't as much fun to have everyone flee in terror, when I can have them all standing resolutely expecting the worst. And then stand around more and wonder where and whom the lance actually struck."

"That does not sit well with me," Luna warned, "It will be an even greater carbuncle for my sister."

"Then my job with her is done," he said and grinned, "Likewise, the Elf-Queen, unless you and your sister can banish her from all the realms, I will kill her. I haven't liked elves from three cycles of the multiverse back, I have ample proof the breed has not improved since then."

"Life and death on Equestria are the realm of the pony sisters," Luna warned.

"You would be correct and I would wholly agree with you, if, this were a case of crimes." He gestured at the slowly regenerating dreamscape. "This is war, whether you treat it as such or not, I shall treat it as one."

"Just out of curiosity, what would be your response if I told you 'We will stop you'?" Luna said.

"I would laugh in your face. You will not abandon your ponies to chase after this tormentor of you and them for her protection," he replied, "And if you did, I would ensure they all knew you did, and left them all to her tender care while coddling her. I doubt anything would shake the populace's love for your sister, but that would strain it severely. And, can your reputation stand such a revelation, and what would your sister have to do to either mollify the people or refurbish your reputation?" He shook his head. "I will not let anything stand in the way of downing this foe. That said, I will not blindly carve a path through a dozen ponies to get her. There are always alternatives." He dropped the corpse of the elf-lord on the ground, letting it fade away. The one he'd constricted to death while they were chatting "And I can easily bypass anything you envision," he warned, "But I'd prefer not to."

"You offer with one hoof, and take away with the other," Luna said, "That does not give me confidence in your behavior going forward."

"I can control my impulses, now and going forward," he said, "Besides, I needed to paint myself in the worst light, and see if you would be reasonable. Even with your exhaustion, you've heard no reports of my depredations, either here or in the waking world, so you are merely uneasy, not preparing a jihad against me. Even I couldn't be so subtle that you'd miss me, if I was doing anything to attract your attention. The side-effects of a cover-up would attract as much attention as an open attack."

"Again, you are not giving me confidence in how safe you are to my charges," Luna said.

"True enough. But your uncertainty is sufficient 'evil' for me, and if you are looking for me, you are also looking for our foe. So by restoring you to fighting trim, revealing my motives, and my mission, my cause advances on multiple fronts," the dragon said, "I will enjoy leaving here, as we would both agree that I do not belong here. But with the foe you face, I will remain a stalwart ally, if one that makes you shake your head, and look over your shoulder. I'm not nice. I'm not good or particularly harmonious. But I am vastly better than the alternative."

"The alternative is Discord," Luna told him, "And I doubt very much you'd relish facing him."

The dragon shrugged and resumed the guise of the dowdy mare. "I don't know. From what little I picked up, being boring would be an excellent defense. If you don't react to his escalations, he gives up and goes away. Well, you need rest, and I have my own business to attend to. Loopholes don't make themselves." With that he left. Returning to his own dreamspace and verifying the defenses were adequate to dissuade Luna's intrusion, he couldn't keep her out, but he could convince her not to stay.