Derivatives are Not Disintegration

Dan's Comments
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. Harry Dresden is the property of Jim Butcher, Carl Kolchak is the property of ABC/Universal Television, Ranma Saotome is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Sailor Jupiter is the property of Naoko Takeuchi.

Makoto looked up from the book. "How is it I can understand all of this, but we can't talk with them?" she asked as Patrick set another set of books into the reject pile.

"The spell I used was based on psychometry, the intent of the author is ground into the pages. It guides the understanding of language," Patrick replied, "If these books had been commercially printed, the spell wouldn't have anything to grab hold of." He sat back and rubbed his eyes. "There is no record of male alicorns. I think if push came to shove, I could put together a ritual to raise a pony into an alicorn, but there were no naturally occurring male alicorns. I don't think it has anything to do with male disposability, i.e., there were some but they died to protect Celestia and Luna."

"Or Cadence," Makoto added.

"The records on Cadence are even sketchier than those on Celestia and Luna," Patrick said, "Either to protect her privacy, or they just didn't write it down. Lots of 'secrets' have been lost that way: everybody knows it, then everyone who knows it figures someone else will pass it on before they die."

"But nopony did," Makoto said, cocked her head, "Or they didn't consider it important or ancient enough to record here. That's the other weird thing, the lack of folklore. Human literature is full of monsters and magic, here where they've actually got them, it isn't recorded."

"Humans are apex predators, by our mastery of language and technology, and forming alliances with our strongest competitors. Friendship, if you will," Patrick said, "They had it from the beginning and they are herd herbivores, so they had no need to speculate on great heros, monsters and feats of daring do, or create books about it. Reality was enough to provide them all the adventure they wanted. We had to subdue powerful, external forces, force the land to give us crops, but ponies have magic to do all that. If humans had the power of ponies, we'd have colonies on other planets, artificial intelligences, toilet seats that raised or lowered depending on who walked into the stall, etc."

"Sounds like the Silver Millennium," Makoto said, then stopped and grinned as the last 'accomplishment' filtered in, "You two always lowered the seat, and the lid."

"That was a handful, I'm talking about the whole population," Patrick said then looked around and sighed, "I'm hungry. And with 'the neko' eager to drink out of the blue-water bowl, you bet we did."

Makoto grimaced. "Yeah, they're so proud of their food, but, it all tastes like cardboard. Those apples that the orange pony gave us, a drawing of an apple would taste better. Why did neko always want to lick somebody after it did that."

"Yes, but it'll keep us alive." Patrick stood and offered his arm to Makoto, "And the neko was a cat, a mischief maker from the word go, it wanted us to freak out. If it could have figured out food coloring it would have driven us crazy."

She giggled and took it. "I still miss her, or was it a him, or you know what I mean." Patrick gestured and returned the hundreds of books to the cart for the librarians to reshelve. Their escorts were reading their own books in the anteroom of the guarded collection. Butterfly looked up and waved, Macho-Idiot looked like they'd caught her molesting foals.

"If I ever get that bad," Makoto said and nodded towards the embarrassed pegasus, "Kick me, hard."

"You got the good masculine traits," he told her, "And the stereotypical feminine ones. Without the hypergamy, it's probably why you couldn't get dates, no guy wants to date a girl who's a better 'knight' than he is."

"You and Ranma don't seem to mind," Makoto said, as she ignored the rainbow-maned pegasus trying to explain away the book she'd been avidly reading. Explaining in a language neither human could understand.

"We're a little out of the normal range, Shorty," Patrick said, and smiled as Makoto positively glowed at the affectionate insult.

They noticed Butterfly's intense interest, and Macho-Idiot's intense disgust. Neither cared as they headed off to get some food.

The fairy-tale decorations and architecture continued through the castle's interior, and the absolute crowds of walking and flying ponies staggered the imagination.

"Why are some of them, most of them, wearing clothes?" Makoto asked, "Most of the ones in the town only wore - what's the word?"

"P.P.E.," Patrick said, "Personal Protective Equipment. Yeah, hat for the farmer out in the sun all day, lab coats for the doctors, and the like. These are for decoration. They have to show off they don't have to actually work. The fancier the clothes, the more loudly they proclaim 'I'm so rich and powerful I can afford to be useless.'"

Makoto snickered at that.

The guard cordon and their own strange appearance drew stares, shouts of alarm and some outright sprinting away while screaming in terror. Butterfly and Macho-Idiot kept covering their faces with their forelegs, an action the guards seemed to want to duplicate, but their professionalism denied them the opportunity.

The castle had a buffet set up. A huge array of dishes set out to sample. All vegetarian, and all with another characteristic in common.

Makoto managed not to spit out what she'd just tasted. "This is awful."

"Bad?" Patrick asked as their two minders eagerly dug into the spread, then he sampled some of what he'd put on his plate, "No, bad would at least be something. Have they got any seasonings?"

"You think this will be any better?" Makoto handed over what looked like a bottle of tabasco.

Patrick applied some liberally to the food, tasted it and stifled a frown. "Better, no, different, yes. I must say, that Usagi's cooking would be welcome at this point."

"Before or after our lessons with her?" Makoto said and sighed, before collecting enough to stave off her hunger.

"Either, even before you could hardly call what she made unflavorful. I've smeared stuff on a wall that had more flavor than this stuff." He laughed. "This is like the slop they served the kids at the beginning of Oliver, it was so bad they actually started singing about it. They have no idea how lucky they were."

"So, dinner and a movie?" Makoto asked.

"Why not?" Patrick replied and cleared his throat.
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Harry looked over the documents and the diagrams he'd created. While Carl had been helpful in the basics, the deeper analysis had to fall to the wizard. While he'd worked, the reporter had been trying to communicate with the library's dragon. Something's wrong, he thought as he looked over the diagrams he'd made in his analysis of the spell that had brought them here, There's something missing. There should have been seven of us.

"Mr. Kolchak, what do you know about numerology, or special numbers?" Harry asked.

Carl shrugged. "One, two, three, seven, twelve?" he asked, "That kind of thing?"

"Exactly," Harry said, "Then if we're important, why are there only six of us?"

"There are six mares who used their superweapon. Maybe six is an important number for them," Carl said.

"That would work," Harry admitted, "But to get us, they'd have to conform to some of our world's standards."

"Assuming that all of us come from the same world," Carl said.

You were convinced we did, Harry thought, while he stared at Carl, I know about the theory of multiple worlds, but there are supposed to be barriers to prevent people from crossing over.

Carl counted off the points. "Patrick's an American wizard, and he's never heard of you. Makoto and Ranma are both from suburbs of Tokyo, they've never heard of each other, and none of us have heard of them. I've never even heard of the Outsider, and I've seen a lot. So what are the chances we're all from similar but separate worlds. One is important to us, but six is important to them."

I hate it when he makes sense, Harry thought. "So what does that mean about getting home? We all decide on one planet and emigrate there? I have responsibilities 'back home'," Harry said.

Carl shrugged. "As long as they have newspapers." He smiled. "It will be interesting ripping the lid off the conspiracy of silence that your people have woven."

Mind magic is illegal for a reason, Harry reminded himself.

The crash and scream came from outside the library. All three of them dashed for the small door. Harry got there first and squeezed out. The tiny dragon came next and Carl last, as he'd retrieved his camera and other gear.

The creature standing in the town square tossing guards around was magnificent. Tan body, blond mane and tail, like a surfer from an old movie. More a horse than pony shape, but an alicorn nonetheless. "Where is Rainbow Dash?" the figure demanded.

"Out of your league kid," Harry said and loosened the blasting rod in its holster, "Who are you, and where are you from?"

The alicorn stared at Harry. "A human, in Equestria? What is this, some cheap fanfiction version?"

Harry half-expected a bolt from the blue to slay the blasphemer, when none came he resigned himself to deal with the interloper. "Would that make you a self-insert?" Harry asked, "That's what you were planning on anyway Gary Stu."

Have to thank Billy and Co. for the lessons on Internet culture, Harry thought as Gary trembled with rage.

"I am not some lame Anon who gets all the mares! Rainbow and I are soul-mates!" Gary shouted, then opened fire.

Harry was delighted to see magical fire spewing from the alicorn's horn. This is going to be easy! he thought.
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"Glor - i - ous food!" the blond-maned unicorn completed the song to the accompaniment of fireworks as he stood atop the pyramid of stallions, while at the opposite end of the banquet hall, the mare in the wizard's hat atop a pyramid of mares sang counterpoint.

Makoto peeked over the redoubt of tables as the ponies completed the song and returned to whatever they'd been doing moments earlier. She scanned their faces for any signs of irritation at having been somehow coerced into the performance. Fortunately, she saw none. She turned and grabbed Patrick's collar to turn him to face her. "You are NEVER singing around ponies again, clear?"

"Crystal. I'm just glad it was the original, rather than the Buzzard Berkeley version where we were on the menu," Patrick replied, peeking over the upturned tables. "At least now we know some pony words."

"You do know we still have to eat that stuff," Makoto pointed out.

"Drat, I was hoping they would have spilled it all," Patrick replied and winced, "What the -?" The scroll had appeared out of nowhere and bounced off his head. "What a way to run a post office, at least we don't have to worry about owl scat everywhere." He unrolled the scroll as their escorts, and the two lead singers rushed over. Or limped over in the stallion's case. "Weird, he was fine during the song," he said as he turned his back so everyone could look over his shoulders at the message, rather than block it out for everyone.

Makoto waved them forward, she recognized the gesture from the dream where the other Senshi would put their heads between others and the message. Then he'd turn their heads transparent and freak out everyone, she thought as she looked at the excellent drawing of an alicorn hovering over a burning village and running, screaming ponies everywhere. The crude map showing the rivers and a mountain with a castle on the side indicated their location, and the location of the event.

"That's close," Makoto said, "Isn't that where Harry and Carl are?"

"Yeah, time for drastic measures, we need to be there now," Patrick replied and motioned their escorts closer.