Celestia peered over her shoulder at me. "You are far from the first person to come, claiming they can make my problems vanish. It is rarely so easy." She adjusted her large frame against me. "Be sure to get my tail, it draws an unfortunate amount of dirt."

Tail? Right. That voluminous mass waved and undulated beneath the surface of the water. I reached for it and began combing my fingers along it. The fur was soft and felt like it was actively moving regardless of the currents we made in the water. "There's no harm in telling me. We can start with something that is common knowledge to your people."

"Common knowledge? Very well. Ponies who, mmm." She paused a moment, her tail brushing against me. Was she enjoying my attentions? "Ponies who live rurally suffer from predation and are isolated from assistance, martial, economic, or otherwise. Ponies who live in urban centers are safer there, but will grow sick with alarming frequency." She pulled away, turning to face me. "They say cities are for weak cowards, and it shows in their bodies. Can you address that?"

I considered that even as I tossed out the soiled loofa I had been using and grabbed for the next. "There can be a few things that contribute to that. Let's start with water."

Her ears went up. "Water? We have water. We are not so daft as to not secure a supply for our people."

I raised a finger before moving the loofa towards her exposed front. Unlike a human female, she had nothing untoward on her chest, just powerful pony flesh that I began to scrub diligently. "Quality, not quantity. Impure water can cause more problems in the long run than being short in supply. The water must be clean, not even just to sight. Germs can kill."

Celestia looked down on me as I cleaned her front. "That is not a word I am familiar with, not in that use. Germ? Are you implying small shreds of beings are growing inside my ponies?"

I hadn't considered that definition, but it worked. "Pretty much that, and it makes them sick."

Celestia frowned at the thought. "I would think fragments of starfish and the like would be visible? And not weather the journey through the pony's interior." She raised a hoof. "And why does it seem to affect the wealthy less?"

I worked up and down, making her fur bunch up before I let up and worked down towards her belly. "Tell me, what do you drink, more often than not?"

"I am partial to a few varieties of tea. Perhaps some brewed beans for an energy boost." She hiked a brow. "How does that help?"

I worked diligently as I spoke. My presence would only be tolerated so long as I continued being a good washer, I felt certain. "Both of those boil the water, which kills the germs in the water. Alcohol has the same effect, so people who live off alcohol won't suffer from this, but will have plenty of other problems."

She sat up, water sloshing from the movement of her great form. "So a pony who drinks from a fountain is in greater peril? What would you then suggest, to have them dispense scalding hot water? That is hardly reasonable."

Visions of a pony dipping their snout, only to wrench it back with an alarmed yelp danced through my mind. "No, that wouldn't be reasonable at all." I worked down to her hind legs and lowest belly. Though concealed by fur, she did have all the parts needed to support a foal, if ever she had one. Had she? I couldn't say with certainty either way. Her inner legs were just as sensitive. She twitched silently as I worked the area. "The first step is making sure filth doesn't get between the source of the water and the end point. No matter how clear and lovely a pond or reservoir may be, it can arrive infested and deadly. This comes to an expensive, but required--"

She placed a hoof on my face with remarkable speed. "And now we arrive at the portion where you are paid to whisk this problem away?"

Her hoof smelled much nicer than when I was first exposed to it. I could detect the scented soap it had been soaking in, and perhaps a hint of her personal scent. I kissed the bottom of it before drawing back. "It will require money, but not to me. I'm talking about money towards actually getting things done."

Her golden magic grasped my loofa and tossed it aside, wrenching it from my grasp. "I would hear what you propose."

Bath time was over. Shame, I was starting to enjoy the act of cleaning her. "Sanitation. It can make a world of difference."

She arched a brow. "How will my ponies cleaning habits make a large difference?"

"Not personal sanitation, larger." I leaned back in the bubbly bath as I spread my hands. "I had to walk through piles of filth to get to the castle. The castle itself seemed clean, but your city is very dirty. That dirt encourages those germs I was talking about. If they get into the water, then you get sick people. Even if they don't, the germs can sometimes get through the air and other means. Your people must be clean to be healthy."

Celestia rose, the level of water in the tub sinking rapidly. "And how would you recommend this be treated? So many ponies creates a great deal of 'filth', as you put it." She rose a hoof to point at me. "Having magicians banish it all would be impractical."

I hadn't even thought of that angle, though it wasn't an entirely invalid one... "The first step is removing the filth from the people. You need sewers."

"What?" She looked confused at the notion, water cascading down her form as she regarded me with intense interest. "What is that?"

"A network of pipes, separate from any clean water pipes, where filth can be flushed away. Solid filth should be placed in solid containers and collected to be removed. This will require money." I pressed pointer and thumb together, rubbing gently. "Not to me, but none of this is a simple matter. Trash removal for solids, the pipes for liquid and near-liquid waste. You get these going and your people will be healthier. The pipes will need regul--"

"Enough." She pulled herself from the tub entirely, water raining down on the tiles in a constant flow. "How do you know this? What are you, precisely?"

I didn't answer her, not right away. I climbed up and out of the tub and quickly realized my towel did not make the trip with me. It was soaked through and remained a miserable portion of the tub. "I am a traveler." I put a hand to my chest. "From a great civilization. We've faced these problems, suffered for their lack. I don't want any plagues--" She flinched at the mention. Had the ponies already suffered great diseases? ". Sorry, if you've already experienced that. There are other things you need to ward them away, but this is a start."

She shook. Her entire body rocked left and right in great rotations that sent water spraying in all directions like a dog drying itself, or a horse in that case. She was rapidly drier, and the room damper. "And why do you feel the need to share this with us, for no compensation? Such generosity is rare."

I went for the towels and grabbed one that had been spared from Celestia splashing. "I never said I don't want any money, just not enough to consider it even a remote impediment versus the cost of actually doing things. I need to live, and I'd like to work on improving other things."

"Why?" She was leaning in over my shoulder from behind. "What do you gain from this?"

I glanced aside at her before donning the towel properly. "I like tinkering with things. If I can help a lot of people while I do it, then all the better. If it makes you feel better, consider this a selfish challenge to myself. I've read about my ancestor's struggles with these things and thought, 'I could have done better', and here is my chance to prove it."

Some of the tension in her seemed to ease. The selfish reasoning seemed an easier pill to swallow. "So we are a challenge to you. We are a mountain, and you are eager to get climbing, just to say that you have done so, and perhaps to enjoy the view from the top." She sank to her haunches and held out a hoof. "The shoes should be clean."

I was a maid again? Where had they gone? As if summoned by my thought, the maid that had washed me returned. Her eyes went wide just as she slipped through the door. "P-P-Princess! I'm so sorry!" She dashed forward, her magic pulling open the shoe cleaning box and plucking one free. "Please forgive me, I was serving him and--"

Celestia smiled gently. "You are a good pony, Water Lily."

Water shrank back. "But..."

"Since you are ready." She turned the hoof to face Water Lily. "Go ahead. I was just speaking to Mister Langerman. It has been... an interesting conversation."

She started working each shoe on as a hoof was offered. "He is an interesting thing." She smiled at me suddenly but didn't say anything to me. "I hope he has not disrupted your bath?"

"Certainly not." Celestia quirked a smile. "He was quite thorough in his washing. If what he proposes does not work out, perhaps we will keep him on as a bather. He has talent."

She deepened red in her cheeks. "B-better than... me, Princess?"

"He will not replace you, Water." Celestia strode past her and kissed her right behind her horn on the way. "Mister Langerman, I will call for you when I am ready. For now, I have a kingdom to run. Water, my jewels, kindly."

Water had the mighty torc and fine crown out and adorning Celestia, fussing over having them just right. "Here you are, half as radiant as the pony that wears them." She dipped her front down low, bending a knee. "Thank you, Princess."

Celestia looked to me instead of her. "See that he is dressed properly. I feel certain his clothing is as important to him as mine are to me. Thank you, Water Lily. I will see you come the evening."

Even as Celestia departed, Water Lily came closer. "By Destiny itself, it seems you don't need my help to make a good impression on Princess Celestia." Her horn glowed as my clothing came into view, floating towards us. "Let's get you dressed. No wonder you need them, you are far more exposed than a pony ever would be."

I tried not to blush, I did. "It's nothing you haven't seen before."

She hiked a brow. "In principle, but you dangle more than they do." Her eyes fell from mine to my chest. "You... also have... teats? Is that normal of a male of your kind, sir? Please pardon me if that is unseemly to speak of." She dipped much as she had to Celestia. "I am new to your breed."

I could have brushed her off. She was a professional. If I told her it was impolite to ask, she simply never would. On the other hand, she seemed like a contact, a good one. She had Princess Celestia's ear, and she knew the castle. I wanted her on good terms. "It can be a bit personal to ask about those things." I saw her tense, as expected. "But you are just being curious, and I feel like we're growing familiar."

She blushed in her cheeks. "O-oh. It's a pleasure, Mister Langerman."

"Ian," I corrected, reaching to pat her, her horn going between my fingers.

She looked delighted to be on a first name basis. I had made a friend.

Author's Notes:

The story marches forward with a sudden lesson in sanitation. Who knew fanfic could be educational?!

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