I hiked up along the mountainside. There was a rough path carved out of the rocky surroundings, but nature had not been subdued. How they planned commerce to easily reach such a lofty city was beyond me. Well, that was a lie. I had several ideas, and that was why I was going. "We'll change this." I had exactly what they needed. Those colorful ponies and their backwards ways. They just needed a little help to get past the rut they had found themselves in.

Really, could you even blame them? They don't have hands, to start. They've accomplished quite a deal despite that, don't get me wrong. They've built castles and defended their nation against attackers from without and within. They farmed and they survived. They were no mere animals by a significant step. That didn't mean they were at the apex of their development.

I pulled out my phone. I had no signal, of course. Would that I could have GPS, but it would take a long time before the world was ready for that leap. I settled for pulling up a document to read about the proper construction of a road. It was nice to think of a proper road while I scrambled up the rocks and gravel of what they called a road and I would barely call a path.

The city came into view as I pressed through two large slabs of granite that formed an archway of sorts. Canterlot. It was their capital. It had gold leaf around edges of the castle as if to emphasize that point, but quietly drawn carriages, hanging lanterns, and a multitude of other small signs spoke of a civilization that had plenty of distance to go.

They were far more dressed than they were in the outskirts. The clothes were themselves hints. Each was different. They had to be. They were done manually. There was no machine to assist in the task of textile work. Still, they also spoke to economic success. They didn't need them but purchased or made them anyway. They were not a poor people. Each was a tiny luxury item worn proudly on equine bodies.

One of those equines approached me. It was a middle-aged stallion. "Pardon me, um, sir? Madame?" His eyes roamed me from top to bottom. I must have been quite a sight. Long human hair with a T-shirt and jeans made in a way his clothes certainly hadn't. "If you don't mind my asking, what are you?"

I swept an arm aside in a formal bow. "A pleasure to meet you. I am Ian, and I've come with important information for your queen."

"We don't have one of those." He shook his head. "We have a princess, she's just as good." He pointed at the castle in sight. "It's right over there, but they don't let ponies in except at particular times. Can't just have people swamping Celestia."

That was a name I had heard before. "I'll head that way."

"Good luck, uh, is Ian a stallion's name or a mare's one? You sound like a stallion, but I'm trying not to assume." He tapped his chin once before setting it back on the ground. "You're dressed strangely."

He was a sharp one. "I am a man, a stallion. You guessed right. Thank you." I moved past him, giving him a pat on the way past. Ponies were such cute creatures. How could you not want to help them?

He gave an equine snort before wandering off, likely to do whatever business paid his bills.

The city showed signs that I had feared. They didn't have an adequate sewage system, giving things an... interesting aroma, to be kind. Filth, liquid or physical, was not removed from most places, though the more affluent quarters I passed by kept such things out of their particular way, just making more mess for the rest of the city to endure.

Had they already suffered plagues? It seemed inevitable, with the way things were set up. Too many horses in too small a space with too little hygiene. It didn't much matter what city of what species it was. I counted myself as lucky. I was the only human around. I was in a sea of ponies, but none of them were a direct threat to my health, at least in terms of germs. Hopefully? Could magic diseases hop across species? I hastened my steps towards the castle.

The castle grounds were kept clean, as befit a place of royal station. Shame I wasn't allowed to just walk out onto them. The large guard that stood in my way had quite a frown and a spear held in his mouth, ready to make use of it. "Princess Celestia isn't seeing guests right now, not that I think you even qualify as one of those."

He had a friend, an equally burly pegasus. I should note, for being burly ponies, they were still ponies. They had to look up to meet my eyes, and maybe that made them nervous. Both wore shining brass armor that had been cleaned quite recently. The pegasus waved a wing up at me. "What even are you?"

"I--" I bowed for them, trying to show some eloquence. "--am Ian, a human with information that Celestia would dearly like to have, I'm certain."

They shared a look before the earth pony nodded. "Do you have something to prove she sent for you?"

"She didn't." I could see them tense. "That doesn't mean she doesn't want what I have." I needed proof fast, right! I pulled out my phone and got a video going. Fortunately, I had a movie or two on its spacious SD card.

Both of them leaned in to see the corporate logos and the start of an action movie I happened to have at the time. One of them tilted his head. "You're a magician then? You want to perform for her?" He sat on his haunches. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

The other, the pegasus, bobbed his head. "If you were here to answer the call for entertainers, you just had to say so." He extended a wing to the left. "Head that way around the castle until you get to a silver-colored door. That's the entrance for servants and the like. They'll get you to the right place."

That was not what I had in mind, but, perhaps, I should not look a gift horse in the mouth. "Thank you both." I stuffed the phone away and got to walking, trying to hide any hint that things didn't go precisely as I had planned it.

I strode across the well-kept grass. The scent of flowers they kept filled my nose, banishing the fouler scents of the city proper. I was in a good place. There was a rather sizable tower to my left, but it looked out of use. The doors were shut and even layered with dust. What a shame. It looked like a fine building as buildings went. I wondered what it had been used for. I spotted that silver door and hurried towards it.

It was locked. A firm pull on the handle produced little more than a jiggle. Hm. I rapped on the metal surface with the back of a hand. "Hello?"

I waited impatiently. There was no sign of life, but the guards hadn't seemed insincere. I knocked a bit more firmly. "They said to come to the servant's entrance?"

Still, nothing. I tried waited a few minutes that felt like hours before balling a hand into a fist. I swung with my entire body to make a good slam, but the door opened just as my fist arrived. I tripped right over the pony wearing a maid's outfit that had opened the door and fell across the poor unicorn mare. She squealed in surprise and scrambled out from under me. "Who are you?" she demanded, fur bristled.

I got my feet back underneath me, dusting off my travel-dirtied clothes. Her eyes were on me, and maybe that dirt. Would she have to clean it? "I was sent here, to entertain Princess Celestia?"

Her expression brightened just a little, but she still looked wary. "What a curious thing you are. Hopefully, you're just the sort of thing that can bring a smile to her dear face. Come, come." She waved me forward with a hoof. "Let me close the door."

As soon as I was out of the way, her horn glowed and closed the door. "This way." She strode out ahead of me, her tail high and swaying with each step. It was done up in a bun, keeping it clean, neat, and out of the way. It also meant that I could see everything. She didn't seem to care much, so I put it out of my mind.

She navigated the hallways easily, guiding me past other ponies, mostly other workers like butlers and maids, some guards, and some aristocrats.

"I say," spoke one rich-looking mare that peered at me. "Whyever did they let you in the castle?"

The maid bowed low, dipping her entire front towards the noble. "He's here to entertain the princess, mistress."

"Ah, well, maybe it's crazy enough to work." She raised a brow at me before turning away, nose upturned as she trotted down the hallway.

Did I have my work cut out for me? "Say, what has the princess in a funk?" I hurried to walk alongside the maid. "Knowing might help me target, you know, my performance so I can get her smiling."

The maid smiled a little. "That's sweet of you to think, but isn't it obvious? The country's in a state of chaos. The banishing of her sister is... still fresh in her mind, however long ago it was for the rest of us." She put a hoof over her chest. "Goodness, I only hear about it from my granddame. She won't speak a word of it, but you... can see it haunts her." She circled around in front of me, getting right in the way. "If you can get her to smile, sir, please. She deserves so much more than she's getting right now. She's a good princess." She turned away from me and resumed the short hike to a room she thrust a hoof at. "You can stay here. There are other entertainers living here. Play nice. Dinner is served at sundown. If you get lost, just look for a guard. They're good ponies if you're polite." She opened the door with a glowing horn. "Good luck."

I petted her pointed little head. Ponies were soft, and warm, and very pettable. She tensed and frowned a moment before I arrived at an ear and began scratching gently around the base as I knew a dog liked. Turned out ponies had the same wiring there. She let out a little sigh and relaxed in place, her little tail swishing left and right.

"Hey, if you're seducing the waitstaff, at least invite her out of the hallway," came a sudden call of a mare from within the room. There sat a unicorn, grinning widely at our display.

The maid's cheeks went a dark red. "E-excuse me!" She fled away with the rapid clip-clop of a threatened horse.

The unicorn wore a flowing tunic and pointed hat. She had bright purple fur and green eyes. I couldn't see her cutie mark. "So, are you here to entertain the princess too? Come in." She beckoned me forward with a waving hoof. "May as well meet the competition, not that I think you have much chance. I'll see her first and I'll have her stony face split in half by the time I'm done with her."

I stepped in out of the hallway and closed the door behind me. "Nice to meet you, miss...?"

The unicorn pointed at herself. "Easy Breeze, and I'll breeze away her gloominess, easy as my name implies." She nodded softly. "No hard feelings, right? I respect a fellow entertainer, whatever you are." She lifted an ear at me. "Maybe I'll hire you after I get this job and you can give me those ear massages you were giving that maid. She was enjoying that."

"I am Ian," I greeted, looking around the room. There were three bunk beds. Three pairs of bunk beds? Three sets of bunk beds, however you would say it. There were a few torches that glowed but put off no smoke. Magic? It seemed likely.

Author's Notes:

And so we begin. This was another patron that decided to use their monthly one shot for an ongoing story, so this will update 1/month until it's done! I had expected to get Ian to Celestia this chapter, but that didn't happen. Damn my creativity and not letting me just skip to parts.

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