The time had come. The guards came in the morning. Melissa was ready, her fatigues as clean as she could make them, her jacket zipped up to a neat level with N7 insignia clean and shining. Her boots would’ve impressed her drill sergeant, and she even combed her hair. She didn’t have a chance to cut it, so not up to military standard, but it sufficed. The ponies didn’t seem to mind long hair.

They led her through the palace to the basement once again, through the tunnels. It seemed they used the abandoned mines for more than just moving prisoners, there were storage areas, sewer lines, and primitive electrical systems carrying light to limited areas of the city.

From the distant sounds, they even used the network as a way to get around the city rapidly, a subway on foot.

“Intriguing what they’ve been able to do with only the most basic forms of industry.” Silverbolt mused, his eyes glowing brighter than the dim lanterns the guards carried.

“Well, magic might help. But give me electricity any day.”

“It’s not that they did it on purpose--” Silverbolt suddenly stopped walking, “What in the name of Primus…?”

“Bowser? What is it?” Melissa inquired, turning around.

He had stopped, and was looking at his hand, turning it over. “Something’s...wrong.”

There was an odd sound, and a stab of pain in Melissa’s skull. As she watched, a wave of what looked like static washed over Silverbolt, and his appearance began to become snowy.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded, alarmed.

“Something’s wrong. I feel...strange.” the snow faded, but there was another wave of static, and his voice became distorted for an instant.

“Oh no…” Melissa whispered, grabbing her hair in anxiety, “This is what happened to Al when Sam got electroshock therapy in Quantum Leap!”

“This is not good.” he observed. The guards had stopped as well, and looked at each other nervously.

“No shit Sherlock--Ah!” she cried out, holding her head in pain. The snow returned, and the distortion as well.

“I think your alienist is malfunctioning, ma’am.” one of the guards said, “It should pass.”

“No, I don’t think it will. There’s some other force at work here.” Silverbolt said, “there is very little that can affect an alienist like this. We need to figure this out, and fast.” as if to punctuate his words, he began to flicker in and out.

“...And I don’t think I’ll be able to stay with you at this rate.”

“Oh, Great Old Ones! You’re gonna fade away and leave me alone! Damn it!” her skull hurt again, “No! I can’t do this without you!”

“Melissa! Stay strong! You can do this!” he encouraged, his voice fading and fluctuating, static traveling over his appearance, “Just remember that you’re innocent!”

“Silverbolt!” she yelled, reaching out, “Don’t leave me!”

He finally faded out.

“No! Silverbolt!” she screamed as her head hurt worse than ever before, and she fell to her knees. The world seemed to distort for the longest time, until the pain finally faded.

No Maximal reappeared.

“Damn, damn damn!” Melissa cursed, whirling on one of the guards, “You bastards! I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you!”

She punched the guard in the face, then in the gut, sending him to the floor. She spun about to face the other, who was attempting to conjure a spell.

Melissa dove upon him, gripping the guard’s neck with both hands and squeezing. The guard’s face rapidly began to turn purple, his horn flashing and sputtering. In desperation, he released the energy the spell contained, letting out a small explosion.

She still had her grip on him, her face covered in soot. “Nice try, you bastard! What the fuck did I ever do to you, huh? What! The fuck! Did I? Ever do?!”

Her brief rebellion came to an abrupt end when something struck her back, and pain tore through her body.

Her muscles contracted, spasming and completely unable to move. She still held onto the guard’s neck, her fingers refusing to respond to commands. A distant part of her mind connected the experience to that of being shot with a taser, where the muscles simply refuse to move. Rather stupid if one’s trying to get their target to drop something.

The electric shock ceased, and her muscles relaxed. Melissa collapsed to the floor in a heap, the guard falling as well, gasping for air.

She blacked out.

When Melissa awoke, she was being dragged along by the guards, her knees bumping painfully against every little thing in the path. Rope had been tied around her hands, and she could barely move. Two more guards had joined the first, helping them pull her weight.

“By Celestia, what happened?” A familiar voice demanded, as if from the end of a long tunnel.

“She went nuts, tried to kill me.” a hoarse voice replied, presumably the guard she assaulted.

“Ridiculous! Untie her this instant!”

A hoof gently lifted her head to eye level. Rarity, wearing a rather good-looking dress, was examining her bruises with concern, “Melissa, darling, can you hear me? Are you alright?”

Melissa uttered a moan.

Rarity released her head, “I said untie her!”

“Miss, with all due respect, she tried to strangle him.”

“Why in Equestria would she do that?”

“Silverbolt…” Melissa murmured. She managed to lift her head, and saw Rarity looking around for the Maximal.

“That’s just what I was thinking, where is he?”

“He’s gone.” Melissa croaked, “They took him. They pulled him out of my head.”

“What?! Why?” Rarity glared at one of the guards, “Explain yourselves!”

“It wasn’t us! Her alienst just started malfunctioning, vanished, then she started screaming and grabbed me!”

“Well then, who was it if not you?”

“The big white bitch.” Melissa spat, struggling to get her own feet under her. Strength was returning. Looking around, they seemed to be in some sort of antechamber, likely the one leading to the courtroom.

“Melissa--” Rarity began, but the marine was already up and towering over those around her.

“I don’t know why, but it must be her.”

The hoarse-sounding guard snarled, “Shut up you big ape. Don’t ever talk about her like that!”

“Cease verbally assaulting my client and release her!” Rarity barked, “This is getting us nowhere!”

“Miss, there is no way--”

The guard looked at something behind Rarity and paled. “Y-your Highness!”

Melissa mentally kicked herself for not spotting the only other being equal to a human in height emerging from a doorway.

“Guards, untie her.” Celestia ordered cooly, “And forget this incident ever happened.”

“But--but--”

“Untie her! She cannot be blamed for the malfunction of her alienist. It is well-documented that in cases when that has occurred, it has resulted in similar incidents.”

The guards did as they were told.

“You are dismissed.” she added.

They attempted to protest, but wilted under their queen’s stern gaze.

Watching them go, Celestia spoke, “This will not be brought up in court. None can be blamed for this.”

“Eat my ass, you cum-colored christmas ornament!” Melissa spat, flipping her off with both hands.

Rarity groaned. Whatever it was Melissa had just said, it was undoubtedly quite offensive, “Your highness, I am so, so sorry for her. She’s really not doing well.”

“I understand--”

“Fuck you! Have your fun later! Rarity, courtroom or no?” Melissa demanded.

“This way…”

Rarity led the way into the courtroom. It was a side door to a typical looking courtroom, just like all the ones in movies. The jury set against a wall, the two sides of the case to either side of the chamber, and a judge and witness box against the main wall. The audience took up half the room.

The remaining members of the Mane Six and Andrew, were sitting just behind what Melissa assumed was the defense’s side.

Melissa stumbled over to the table and sat down on the chair too small for her. She slumped forward, tears spilling down her face as she tried to hold in the sobs.

“Hey, what happened?” Andrew asked from behind her, “Melissa, are you okay?”

“Silverbolt’s malfunctioning. He went offline, and there was an incident.” Rarity explained.

“What? What kind of incident?”

“The taser kind.” Melissa mumbled, “Welp, I’m boned.”

“No, we’re not. It’ll be fine.” Rarity hissed, “Just stay calm.”

“Without Silverbolt--”

“How did you manage before Silverbolt?” Twilight inquired, leaning over the railing.

“I...got along.”

“Then just do that for a little longer! You can do it.”

Melissa grunted, “I’ll try.” She wiped at her tears with her sleeve, willing them to go away.

Minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long, somepony who had been hovering around the courtroom suddenly appeared in front of the table.

“Ah...this is her?”.

Melissa looked up to face the prosecution, a tall mare, clearly upper-class with her outfit and accent.

“I am sorry,” Rarity said quickly, stepping between the two, “We are not supposed to speak prior to the trial officially commencing.”

“Nonsense, regulations are meant to be bent.”

The lawyer stepped around Rarity, pushing her to the side, “So, Sunset Shimmer. My, my, you’ve turned yourself into a walking abomination, haven’t you?”

Rarity implored Melissa, “Don’t do anything. She’s trying to bait you.”

The lawyer smiled venomously, “Oh, don’t bother, you small-town neophyte upstart, I’m sure she’s perfectly able to speak for herself.”

She smirked at Melissa, “Well? Are you? Or are you just an animal, prancing around in that mutated body of yours? Tell me, does the smell come with the surgeries, or did you purposefully stop bathing?”

“Did you?” Melissa asked simply, her voice cold and harsh.

The lawyer blinked, “I...”

“A word of advice, I suggest next time you go shopping for clothes, you don’t do it in the nuclear waste dump. You smell like you bathe in shit.”

Opening ceremonies interrupted their little engagement. Queen Luna trotted in, serving as the judge for the case. Melissa didn’t pay much attention to anything after that, she didn’t care. All she cared was that one of her only friends, who’d appeared when she needed one the most, had vanished.

What was the point of it? Why had Celestia done it? Torment, entertainment? Spite? Sabotaging the case?

Does it matter? A voice in the back of her mind wondered. She doesn’t care about you. She wants to destroy you, and everything humanity’s built. Why do you think the only trace of humans is a bunker buried in rock and mustard gas?

Melissa shrugged to herself, It could have been the dragons. But how could they have beaten us? Attrition I suppose.

It doesn’t matter. Celestia wants to destroy you. That is all that matters. What can be done?

Melissa glanced around, spotting Celestia sitting near the other lawyer. She noted the guards had weapons. Crappy pistols, a few revolvers, but they could be useful in an emergency.

However, there was another option. The files Rarity had given her. The evidence exhibits. Glamdring was in the exhibits. If things didn’t go her way, she could get it. You’ll go down with honor.

Honorable? That’s what you call gunning down civilians and cops?

Most of the chamber was made up of civilians, few actual combatants. It would not be right to attack.

At that train of thought, there was a twinge of pain.

Silverbolt had been right. There was something strange going on. Lately it had felt like her brain had been compressed, it was harder to think and harder to focus. Perhaps it was her lack of ADD medication. She’d only gotten back on them for her leave, and getting off them was bound to have some side effects. And given the uneven points she’d taken some of her remaining stockpile, her body was definitely going to complain.

The headache remained constant this time. She noticed its increase in intensity had been gradual. Trying to relieve tension through pressure points failed, so the marine resorted to draining the cup of water on the table. Then she drank the entire pitcher next to it.

Still no change, if anything it intensified.

Rarity elbowed her, apparently it was time for opening statements.

The other lawyer stood up, and cleared her throat, “Fillies and gentlecolts of the court, with the evidence I will bring forth today, I think you will find it quite clear that the accused is guilty. This mare is Sunset Shimmer, the perpetrator of the crimes we are here to discuss. A year and a half ago, Sunset Shimmer was the student of our fair queen, but was unsatisfied with the progress she was making. She attempted to seize additional power, scheming to steal the elements of harmony, but was luckily found out. As she was being escorted from the palace, having been removed from her position, she assaulted the guards, escaped, and disappeared. Up till a week ago. Seven days ago, Sunset Shimmer was reported in the vicinity of Manehattan. She had dramatically altered herself into the abomination you see before you, and changed her identity. In a fit of rage at being discovered, Sunset assaulted three members of the Manehattan Police Department, hospitalized two others, and inflicted bodily harm on our queen. In total she has been accused of two counts of assault, resisting arrest, attempted theft of a national treasure, two separate counts of conspiracy of theft, falsification of identity, illegal surgery, violation of a restraining order, possible treason, and several counts of trespassing. The evidence will show you that the accused is responsible for all of the listed crimes, proving her guilty as charged.”

The lawyer spared a sneer at Melissa, and sat down. Rarity snorted with confidence, and got to her feet to deliver her own opening statement, “Your Honor, fillies and gentlecolts of the jury; no matter whatever false and circumstantial evidence that can be brought forth, I can assure you that my client, Corporal Melissa Foster of the United States Marine Corps, is innocent on all counts. you will find Melissa Foster is not Sunset Shimmer, and therefore cannot have committed the crimes. She was not even on this world at the time of the first events, she was in university at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, School of Engineering. Her mind was on classwork, deadlines, and graduation, not personal power. She had no idea we even existed. This mare may bear a physical similarity to Sunset Shimmer, but I can assure you that she is not the same person. She is simply a member of the United States Armed Forces, lost far from home and everything she knows. You will find that over the course of the one crime that can be attributed to my client, assault and battery of the queen herself and several members of the Manehattan Police Department, she was not in control of her own actions. You will find that my client is innocent of all charges.”

She looked back at the lawyer with a competitive expression that read better luck next time, and sat down.

“The prosecution may now call its first witness.”

The lawyer nodded, “I wish to call to the stand one of the guards responsible for escorting Sunset Shimmer out of the palace.”

A guard went up to the stand, in dress uniform. He gave an account of what happened. Sunset had broken into a secure archive, and been arrested. Before she could be escorted to a secure location, she overcame her guards escaped. When asked, the guard gave a description of Sunset Shimmer.

The opposition lawyer nodded, “Thank you very much, private. I have no further questions for the witness, your honor.”

The guard was dismissed, and the lawyer sauntered over to Melissa, leering at her.

“As you can see by her physical characteristics, she bears a remarkable similarity to the accused. Her mane is of the same pattern, her hide the same tone, and her eyes and face match with what we have on record. Exhibit A.”

The clerk passed several pieces of paper to the jury. The first were several sets of pictures, presumably comparing Melissa and Sunset Shimmer.

At the lawyer’s prompting, the clerk handed out another set of paper. This time, the jury uttered words of disgust when they saw what was printed.

“As the jury is now being shown, exhibit B clearly shows that surgeries of this nature are not unheard of in Equestria, legal or otherwise. A close friend of my esteemed counterpart has legally experimented on herself to create similar changes in the body.”

Another stack of paper, presumably showing off Twilight...with her total lack of understanding of human social behavior, IE, no pants.

Melissa expected a witness to be called to confirm the evidence, and was surprised to find that they did not. They kept talking.

She nudged Rarity, “Don’t they have to verify the evidence with a witness?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow, “This evidence was already verified. They’re given facts of the case, why restate them? Didn’t you read the packet I gave you?”

“Uh...yeah! Totally!”

Rarity looked at her doubtfully.

“Okay...skimmed it.”

“We have also found no records in any recognized doctoral institutes of these specific surgeries being done, thus making them illegal.” the lawyer finished.

“Physical characteristics alone are not enough to convict a pony,” Luna pointed out, “What other evidence can you present? And can you prove that she participated in these surgeries?”

“According to reports from specialized agents, she was observed to refuse polite conversation with many clerks on many occasions. Rude behavior is a trait known well to Sunset Shimmer. As is now being passed to the jury, exhibit B-2 is a transcript of her dialogue, or lack thereof with several clerks. In addition to her characteristic poor attitude, she has shown remarkable intellect in numerous areas, demonstrated military training, along with proficiency in singing and certain musical instruments. Exhibit B contains samples of Sunset’s school, military, and music records.”

The lawyer turned to the queen, “Your honor, I would like to bring to the stand a well-known expert in these matters of shapeshifting.”

Luna nodded in acknowledgement, “I will allow it.”

“I call to the stand Twilight Sparkle!”

Melissa pitched forward onto the table, banging her head several times.

“Whatever is the matter, darling?” Rarity whispered.

“Perfect opportunity for her revenge!” the marine moaned, “I’m screwed. If you don’t mind, I’m gonna assume the position so I can more easily kiss my ass goodbye. Oh sweet merciful shoggoths…”

“Oh, calm down. She’s not one to hold a grudge. That’s just the sickness, exhaustion, hunger, anxiety, stress, fear, and general fatigue talking!”

“Real helpful there, Rar’.”

“Miss Rarity, do you have an objection to this witness?” Luna interrupted.

“No, your honor! My client’s mind just has a tendency to wander!”

The bailiff brought Twilight to the front in the witness’ box. She fidgeted nervously, and Melissa furrowed her brow at how the unicorn’s eyes kept dodging to her hoof out of sight, as though…

The marine blinked. Just like all the people in class who try to sneak a look at their phones! Did she smuggle in my tablet?!

“Miss Sparkle…” the lawyer began.

“Oh, just Twilight is fine.” she interrupted.

“Ah...Twilight, then. You have the greatest experience in this area of shapeshifting, turning a pony into one of these upright creatures. Tell me, what is the standard result of one of these spells?”

Twilight’s eyes darted down again, “Well, it’s a potion actually. After enough of the potion has been been consumed or applied to the skin, a physical reconstruction of the body occurs. Down to what level, we are unsure, but as far as we can tell, it at least goes down to the skeletal level. The subject’s body undergoes a dramatic change, the skeleton altering itself to reduce or increase bone mass in accordance with whatever species they belonged to beforehand and are now becoming, forming a new shape. Muscle mass adapts in conformity with this procedure, adopting strength and density appropriate to the species they are taking the form of. Skin tone and shape changes obviously due to the muscular and skeletal modifications, losing all fur. Hooves become hands, ears shift position and shrink, losing some of their range in the process, neck decreases in height, eyes are reduced in size, and general body size increases. The tail disappears, and the mane is reduce to the top of the head. We are uncertain as to what reconstructions are applied to the internal organs, as we have not tested these chemicals on human subjects as of yet, however--”

“Is it possible for a change like this to occur?” the lawyer pressed, clearly bored.

“Well...yes. However, At present, a complete change is only theoretical. Our potion mixture still leaves residual traces of pony biology--”

The lawyer held up a hoof, “Thank you, Miss Twilight. I have no further questions.”

Luna nodded, “Does the defense have any questions at this time?”

“Yes, it does, your honor.” Rarity acknowledged, standing up.

Trotting over to the witness’ box, Rarity spared Twilight a smile, reassuringly patting her hoof, “Twilight, dear, don’t be nervous. How are you holding up? Properly fed and rested yourself before now, I hope.”

Twilight cringed, “Rarity…”

The lawyer stood up, “Your honor, I object to this. This has no relevance to the case at hand. She is simply wasting time and in my opinion, this behavior is entirely inappropriate for a courtroom!”

Luna shook her head, “Overruled, prosecution. This is simply the way the defense acts during her cases. Feel free to examine the records if you wish. Counselor, you may proceed.”

Melissa stood up and shouted over, “Hey shitbird! I think calling the accused an animal, and insulting her hygiene counts as inappropriate behavior!”

With a smash of the gavel, Luna rolled her eyes, “If the accused would please refrain from similar outbursts in the future, and the prosecution abstain from further baiting of the defense to boost her own ego, may we get back onto the topic of the discussion at hand?”

“Thank you, your honor,” said Rarity, “Twilight, take a breath before you pass out.”

Twilight had had her teeth gritted, and her eyes squeezed shut for the whole argument, and now began sucking in lungfuls of air.

“And please, do it quietly.” Rarity advised, holding in a smile, “Now...as my esteemed counterpart inquired,” her voice carried a more subtle hint of sarcasm, “you have created several chemical concoctions with which one can become a homo sapiens sapiens, correct?”

“Yes.” she nodded.

“While you did say a complete transformation was theoretically possible, did you not also say that there were some side effects that had not yet been worked out?”

Twilight nodded again.

“Could you expand on that?”

The unicorn looked to her side again, “As of yet we have not perfected a formula that can complete a 100% biological change. Residual traces of Equestrian biology remain after use of the potion, such as Equestrian ears in addition to human ones, wings in the cases of pegasi, and the mane is lengthened, to where the tail once was but not in the same location from where it had grown.”

“And your formula is the most advanced in the land, is that correct?”

Twilight’s confidence seemed to increase, “Of course. I have the most experience in doing this, and I have several specimens to work with. Any other facilities working on this same formula are months behind at best, as far as I know mine is the most advanced in the world.”

Melissa looked over at the lawyer with a satisfied grin, only for it to fade and her heart to sink as she realized the lawyer was smiling as well. Had she been expecting this?

“Thank you, Twilight. Stay calm, you don’t need to be anxious.”

Trotting over to the jury, Rarity mused, “Hypothetically, let us believe that my client is Sunset Shimmer. Clearly, to shapeshift into this level would have required an extremely advanced formula, and logically one of Twilight’s. If that’s the case, then why does my client have no residual Equestrian biology? She should have additional ears, and an extremely long mane. She didn’t have the resources to develop it on her own, being a fugitive, so how could she have done this?”

Rarity trotted to several tables, upon which copies of the initial exhibits of evidence lay. Peering disdainfully at the disturbing imagery of exhibit A, she began, “From tests conducted, we can conclude that physical alterations, if any, were not conducted upon my client. At least, none that we can detect. Several mages were consulted during the investigation, and none could determine how exactly my client has been ‘altered’. With Twilight’s formula, it has always been possible to determine if her potion was involved. Why can we not detect it now? Either she is a natural human, or she has been altered through means which we cannot detect.”

“An excellent point, miss Rarity,” the lawyer interjected, “How do we know Sunset Shimmer sought out local means to alter herself?”

Luna raised her gavel, but Rarity held up a hoof, intrigued, “I have no further questions for this witness, your honor.”

“The witness is excused, but the court requests that the prosecution refrain from speaking out of turn,” Luna sighed, “the prosecution may call its next witness.”

The lawyer smiled venomously, “Very well, I call to the stand...Sunset Shimmer.”

Melissa growled harshly, snatched up a piece of paper, balled it up, and chucked it at the lawyer, “There’s no one here by that name, shitbird! If you want to call a witness, call one who’s actually here!”

“Counselor, please control your client,” Luna said, “And the accused is hereby informed that she is not required to take the stand if she does not wish to.”

“Quite right, darling.” Rarity soothed, “It is quite alright, and in fact I encourage you--”

“Dammit Rarity, I can’t avoid it! This Sunset Shimmer sounds like a condescending bitch, and if I don’t take that stand, the jury will be more convinced that I’m her!”

With that, Melissa shot to her feet, and stomped over to the witness’ box.

The bailiff opened the door for her, and requested that she remain standing.

A clerk appeared nearby, holding out a book, presumably their constitution if they lacked a bible. He recited in a bored tone, “Raise your right hoof--or whatever you call it--. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this case shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Celestia?”

“‘Ain’t no thang’.” she said with a laugh, and attempted to low-five the clerk, succeeding in hitting the book the first time but not the second. Briefly, she noted a methodical pounding sound in the distance. Andrew’s head must be hard to make that much noise. I didn’t know he saw Airplane II!

“Sorry, buddy. Cultural reference. What I meant to say was ‘I do’.” she explained to the mildly confused clerk, “...Though I never said we were getting married!” she added, making the rhythmic pounding increase in frequency, and generated some laughter in the room.

The lawyer shook her head, “Can you please stay on topic?”

“Well shitbird,” Melissa began, sitting down, leaning her chair back and propping her feet up on one of the railings surrounding her, “it’s not my fault that you haven’t asked me any questions. Also, I’m suffering from a cold, fatigue, hunger, exposure, I’m anxious as all get-out, stressed, and frankly afraid for my life. Thus, I feel perfectly justified in cursing up a storm you fucking butt-wiping ass-munch, because I’m expecting to be taken out back and shot by the end of today! Or something else grizzly, such as being left to die from exposure, flown to pieces, each limb tied to a horse and each one sent in a different direction, burned at the stake, electrocuted, blown up, used for bayonet practice, or simply drop-kicked off a cliff. So please, considering how it’s my ass on the line, and…” she made a show of thinking hard, “nothing of yours on the line, I think we can forgive a little straying off topic, don’t you think?”

The lawyer was speechless for a long moment. In fact, everyone in the room was staring at her with eyes wide with shock. Except for Andrew. He was still trying to do his best to shatter the railing before him with his head.

“Corporal Foster...are you unaware of what year you live in?” Luna inquired.

“Well, our dating systems are different, so I doubt they’d match. Why?”

“Well...I would just like to know where you got the idea that we participated in such barbaric practices!”

Melissa puffed a strand of hair out of her eyes, “Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet.” thoughts of Guantanamo Bay flashed through her mind, “Let’s get on with it.”

The clerk, still standing near the witness box, rolled his eyes, “Please state your first and last name for the record.”

“Melissa Foster.”

“Your real name.” the lawyer growled, but Luna hit the gavel again.

“Melissa.” she repeated, “Mike-echo-lima-indigo-sierra-sierra-alpha. Foster. Foxtrot-oscar-sierra-tango-echo-romeo. Not that hard.”

“You may be seated...but you already are.” the clerk stormed off.

The lawyer walked up to the box, and leaned against it for a moment. Up till Melissa happened to untie one of her boots, and dumped the dust and grit out inside the box. The smell it released drove the lawyer back, who choked, “Is your name one given to you at birth?”

“No, I got it out of a box of crackerjacks, shitbird.” Melissa replied sarcastically.

“Oh, for--Stop making references!” Andrew blurted, stopping his incessant pounding, “At this rate we’re gonna be burned at the stake or here till midnight!”

“Andy, are you on trial here? Cuz I don’t see you suffering from exposure!”

“Fillies and gentle--Fillies and gentlecolts!” Luna managed to interrupt, continuing to bang the gavel, “If there are any further outbursts I shall begin picking at random whom to remove from this courtroom!”

After several long moments of silence, Melissa edited her answer, “Yes, shitbird. That is my legally born name.”

The lawyer nodded, “So Miss...Foster, if you are not Sunset Shimmer, then who are you?”

“As I said about a jillion times, I am Corporal Melissa Foster, date of birth March 18th, 1995. Serial number 504-48-7378.”

“And what does that mean?”

“My rank, shitbird. Corporal. My name, Melissa goddamn Foster. My date of birth, March 18th, 1995. My serial number, 5-oh-4-dash-4-8-dash-7-3-7-8.”

“What is a serial number?”

“A registry number for the military to keep track of the millions of soldiers under their command. It's indicative of where I was recruited from, my birthday, and something involving my citizenry.”

“Your profession is the military, then? What exactly is your job?”

“I’m afraid that's classified. Not my choice, but orders for being held prisoner instruct me to give up as little information as possible about military matters.”

The lawyer looked at the notesheet, “I have been told you have previously stated your profession in the military as being a combat engineer. Is this true?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny this.”

The lawyer scowled, “Alright then. Where are you from? Another continent? The depths of the south?”

“How do you not know about your region to the south--no. I’m not from around here.”

“Obviously. But where are you from? Another continent, just as obvious--”

“Humans aren’t native to this planet...Least I don’t know of any local ones.” Melissa added. “We’re from Earth. Around the sun known as Sol. The Orion arm of the Milky Way Galaxy. In the cluster of Fuckus You-us.”

“Ah...How did you get here then? A rainbow bridge?” the pony’s words dripped with sarcasm, rolling her eyes.

Melissa hesitated in her answer, “That’s not too far off actually.”

Laughter rang through the hall, as the lawyer pony glared. Odd that she did that instead of taking advantage of it. Perhaps she was supposed to make Melissa seem like the stupid savage?

“Yes, very amusing. Now, how did you get here?”

Melissa sighed. This was not going to be fun.

“We have a few working theories, shitbird. Dimensional or spatial displacement. All I can tell you for sure is that it wasn’t voluntary.”

The lawyer stared, surprised at the strange vocabulary.

“Spatial displacement is our personal favorite, but considering certain factors it is certainly possible for dimensional transference to be a possibility--”

“Speak english!” the lawyer demanded, “What in Equestria are you babbling about?”

Melissa locked eyes with the lawyer for several seconds, “Are you done, shitbird? Good. Dimensional displacement is where you stay in the same place in space, but you shift universes. Though if that’s what we did, I suppose we don’t stay in the same place. Unless this is Earth spatially, but just went through a massively different geological history.”

“How would you have done so?” The lawyer probed.

“I don’t know. It's very hard to explain. I barely know any of the science at all.”

“Unfortunate. What about this other concept you created?”

“Spatial displacement. That’s where one gets pulled through a wormhole to some other location.”

“A wormhole?”

Melissa released a breath through puffed-up cheeks. At first, she didn’t know how to explain it. How did Carl Sagan do it? “Uh...okay…” oh, Carter in Stargate! She managed to explain it! “Imagine space is like an apple. Normal space is like the outside of the apple, you travel along it to get from one side to the other. Meanwhile a wormhole is burrowing a hole through the center of the apple. Travel along that, and the distance is reduced, right?’

“Yes…”

“That's about all I can tell you, as this is getting into the territory of national security. All I can tell you is that that was one of our possible methods of transportation.” But I bet you know all about this, I bet you bastards have a stargate stashed in the basement!

“Intriguing...intriguing, yet...why should we believe you?”

Melissa shrugged, “Don’t believe me? Ask him, shitbird.” she gestured to the other human.

“Is this true?” the lawyer asked, not bothering to call Andrew to the stand.

He nodded, “Yeah, we’ve tried to find an explanation for it. That’s what we came up with.”

The lawyer seemed to grow more angry. Her voice remained level, however.

“Where were you on the night of the incident?”

Melissa furrowed her brow, pushing out her chin, “Well, I don’t have Google calendar with me...but I think that was a Saturday, right? I woke up late that morning, was up the previous night typing and playing Halo 2. I ate a turkey sandwich, chips, and coke for breakfast--”

“I didn’t ask for a description of your day! I asked where you were!” the lawyer screeched.

Melissa flipped her off, “Well, you were going to, shitbird. Anyway long story short, I was playing games for half the night, then for the other half, doing the things all mammals do when they’re alone.”

The lawyer opened her mouth, but Melissa held up a hand, “You really don’t want to know. Suffice it to say, I was on Earth during that whole incident.”

“I see. Has your land had any contact with Equestria before?”

Melissa’s eyes remained steady, “I am not at liberty to discuss that.”

“Need I remind you that you are under oath?”

“I’m not lying. Nor can I answer the question.”

“And why not?”

“Matters of national security.”

The lawyer said, “How unfortunate.” She smiled viciously, and turned to Queen Luna. “I have no more questions for the accused.”

As Melissa sat back down next to Rarity, the lawyer spoke to Luna again, “Your highness, no matter her true identity, we must face the fact that this...this...savage is a spy! Even if the accused is not Sunset Shimmer assuming the guise of a human, she is still a criminal and a danger to us all."

Clamor filled the hall, as Melissa and Andrew jumped to their feet, protesting with varying degrees of profanity.

“It is obvious. Look at this mare’s equipment, her identity and knowledge of our world, or if she is Sunset Shimmer, her additional training.”

“What about me?” Andrew demanded.

The lawyer didn’t look at him, “The other human is clearly a canary. To test the environment and find out if it’s habitable for their species. Taking into account his considerable lack of higher brain functions, he is neither a great loss to their society, nor a security risk, if he were to die or be caught respectively.”

“Hey!” Twilight managed to keep Andrew from speaking any further and unleashing his own profanity.

“What evidence do you have for this?” Luna inquired.

“Your highness, think about it. By her own admission, the ‘United States Marine Corps’ is a unit designed to operate in a wide a variety of environments on a moment’s notice. And not just an enlisted soldier, she’s a combat engineer. An engineer who of her own admission prepares obstacles and defensive emplacements. Perfect for judging our defensive capabilities and assessing potential invasion sites. And not just any combat engineer, she’s one who’s regularly thought about a situation where she would be stranded alone without support, and immediately put those plans into action. Simply a part of her culture, or something more? How does she know about our world if he does not? And really, if she were here by accident, why not a quartermaster, a sailor, an officer, a cook, or a standard soldier? Why someone who could easily assess our defenses, sabotage them, and possibly stage an uprising?”

The lawyer trotted over to the evidence table, gesturing to the picture of Oscar, “Exhibit B. Most human vehicles are powered by burning petroleum oil in an internal combustion engine. Only a handful are powered purely through electrical current. Why this vehicle, and this mare? Why not a petroleum-burning car with a cook? Or even a civilian?”

She pointed to Glamdring, “And what about exhibit B, her weapon? Not even the most powerful of human weapons, but the ammunition was apparently easy enough to replicate--she was scheming to replace it, according to reports. Why not one of their automatic weapons, with difficult-to-make ammunition? Exhibit C, her hiking equipment. Recreational devices, why would she just happen to have all of what she needed aside from some minor items? Exhibit D, the portable data storage devices. She was supposedly going on deployment in the near future, why would she have these recreational devices in her vehicle and not at her base? Exhibit E, her uniform. Why not stored at the base?”

“That is purely circumstantial evidence!” Rarity burst out, “We have no way to verify any of this!”

“Certainly not. But does this threat not exist? A highly-advanced race that can appear from nowhere exists somewhere beyond our borders, and from our information, our military doesn’t stand a chance in resisting it. I implore the jury to pronounce this mare guilty, and have her put into military custody!”

Rarity gaped, her eyes narrowing, “That’s what you wanted this whole time, wasn’t it? She was right! You want her knowledge! You evil...villain!”

Her client did not hear any of this. To Melissa’s ears, everything was becoming muffled with an intense ringing that grew steadily louder and louder.

“Oh, shit...ow, ow, ow…” the marine moaned, holding her skull.

“Melissa? Are you alright?” Rarity asked, breaking out of her lawyer-self and laying a hoof on her friend’s shoulder.

“Ah, dammit! No! I’m not! I...I...ah...” she stood up suddenly, unsteady. “I’ve gotta...I’ve gotta get out of here.”

She took two steps, wavered slightly, then hunched over and vomited across the floor. Straightening up for a moment, she immediately toppled over backwards. With a crash, the table collapsed under the impact.

“Melissa!” Rarity cried in horror. Collective gasps resounded through the room.

Rarity tried to rouse her, and several of the guards arrived to try and do the same.

Her eyes open but unseeing, twitched rapidly, and suddenly she began to convulse.

“She’s possessed!” someone yelled.

Andrew rushed over to Melissa, and tried to hold her down, “Keep back! She’s not possessed, just having a seizure! Someone help me here! We’ve gotta make sure she won’t hurt herself!”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash arrived to help, they and the guards holding down Melissa’s struggling limbs.

“What else do we need to do?” Fluttershy demanded, coming over to help as well.

“I don’t know! I don’t even know if this is what we’re supposed to do!” he roared in panic.

All of a sudden, she stopped thrashing. Her eyes continued to twitch, and her head kept moving back and forth.

“Is she saying something?” Applejack asked, noting Melissa’s mouth opening and closing rapidly.

Furrowing his brow, Andrew leaned in, trying to listen.

“Corporal Melissa Foster serial number 504-48-7378. I will make every effort to escape. I will never surrender of my own free will...I am an American fighting in the forces which guard my country and our way of life I am prepared to give my life in their defense...I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies...Corporal Melissa Foster serial number 504-48-7378. I will make every effort to escape. I will never surrender of my own free will...I will obey the orders of the President of the United States...I will continue to resist by all means available. I will make every effort to escape and aid others to escape. I will accept neither parole nor special favors from the enemy...Corporal Melissa Foster serial number 504-48-7378. I will make every effort to escape. I will never surrender of my own free will...I will obey the orders orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice...Corporal Melissa Foster serial number 504-48-7378, I will make every effort to escape. I will never surrender of my own free will...I am an American fighting for freedom and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in in the United States of America...Corporal Melissa Foster serial number 504-48-7378, I will make every effort to escape. I will never surrender of my own free will...”

“What’s she saying?”

Andrew scratched his head, “She’s rambling about something, I think it’s some military oath. But she keeps repeating one thing over and over again.”

“What?”

“Name, rank, serial number, that she’ll make every effort to escape, and that she’ll never surrender of her own free will.”

“Huh?” Applejack grunted, confused, “Escape who? Surrender to whom?”

“Us, obviously.” one of the guards holding Melissa’s arm down replied, “Who else?’

“That doesn’t seem right, though.” Rarity pointed out, “Up to this point, she’s been treating it mostly as court case. According to her code of law, name rank and serial number is for wartime enemies. And we’re not at war, obviously.”

Suddenly, Melissa began to convulse again, much more violently.

Just as quickly, she ceased her motions. Her babbling stopped.

Her head rose up on her own power, and her eyes fell back under her control. Slowly and mechanically both did move.

The marine turned to Rarity with the most disturbing smile on her face.

“Hello there, Rarity…” she said with two voices, one distinctly not her own. Frankly she sounded like a Goa’uld in Stargate SG-1, “Miss me?”

Melissa yanked her leg out of a guard’s hold, and smashed his muzzle with her boot.

She pulled her arm out of the other guard’s hooves at the same time, clocking the stallion in the eye.

She rolled to the side, barreling through two bystanders, and sprinted toward the evidence table. Extremely fast, and yet clumsily. Snatching up her Glock 17, she slammed a magazine home and raised it with finely-honed skills, the complete opposite of her walking.
Two shots rang out, and two guards dropped to the ground. Panic and screams ensued.

Andrew tackled Rarity and Fluttershy to the floor as Glamdring’s barrel was turned on the Mane Six, who wisely found any cover they could. Melissa fired.

The bullets whizzed by overhead like angry bees, two finding themselves embedded in a guard and an innocent bystander. The ponies in the room scattered, attempting to flee.

More guards fell, the reports of several different sorts of weapons and screamings ringing out.

Andrew and Rarity overturned the table, but by the time they could cower, the fight seemed over.

They raised their heads shakily above cover, and Andrew cursed the guards who’d taken his weapons.

Clouds of grey smoke left by the gunfire drifted around the figure holding her pistol like a stereotypical gang member, giving an eerie feel to the scene. The smoke was like that of a volley from a line of musketeers in an old movie, left by 9mm cartridges reloaded with black powder and shoddy primers to replace spent ammunition. The marine stood very awkwardly with her knees folded inward and one raised her than the other, as though she weren’t used to standing on her own legs.

Melissa aimed her weapon at Celestia and Luna, who stood confrontationally before the human. Why weren’t they fighting?

They realized the queens’ hands were tied so to speak; they were unwilling to unleash their powers in such an enclosed space with so many innocents, and unwilling to harm the individual before them, despite so many she had injured.

“What’s wrong with her?” Rainbow Dash hissed, “What’s wrong with her eyes?”

Melissa’s skin had turned pale, her hair darkened to a harsh color, and her eyes...her eyes. The pupils were shrunken beyond what one might have thought possible, the eyes themselves twitched around everywhere in two separate directions, and were glowing yellow, with the pupils red.

She cackled in that strange combination of voices, staring at Celestia, “Hello again, my sweet Celly. Oh, how I do loathe our times apart.”

“Corporal Foster!” Celestia stamped her hoof, “What are you doing? What’s gotten into you?”

The marine’s head made a sickening snapping sound and leaned to the left side. Without warning, she stepped forward and slammed a steel-toed combat boot into Celestia’s knee. There was the sound of bones crackling, eliciting a groan of pain and sending the queen to the ground. Raising her pistol, Melissa halted Luna in her tracks when she pointed at the crowd.
“Remain calm! This is a simple hostage situation! If you two try anything, your precious Mane Six dies.”

She fired another two shots above the heads of the Mane Six, halting any of their efforts to move.
“Anyone else in here, front and center! Sit with the Mane Six!”

A few dozen ponies emerged shakily from cover, from all walks of work, and tiptoed to the designated area.

“And sit down!” they did as instructed.

“Oh, what’s the matter Tia?” Melissa laughed, pointing her gun at the downed queen, “Don’t you recognize me? What about you, Lulu? If she doesn’t work out, you’ll do I suppose. I really want to figure out how the plumbing works, in here, if you know what I mean. Nudge, nudge, wink wink, say no more.”

The queens let their jaws drop, looking at each other with sickened expressions.

Melissa cackled again, “Oh,she’s a weird one then, isn’t she? You couldn’t recognize me even from that vulgar comment!”

She gestured dramatically at her shadow cast beside her, and those who remained in the hall bugged out their eyes.

Instead of the shadow of a human, there was the shadow of a draconequus, gesturing wildly with his empty right hand despite Melissa’s right hand being the one holding the pistol.

“Christ on sale!” Andrew whimpered, cowering behind the table, “Discord!”

Melissa/Discord’s face appeared above him, “Ah, Commander Shepherd! Someone finally recognizes me!”

Discord seized the human by the collar and pulled Andrew out from behind cover, holding the pistol to his head.
“Andrew!” Twilight and Fluttershy cried out, but Discord only flicked his safety menacingly.

“Ah, ah, ah! Don’t want your waifu’s head blasted off, do you?” he grinned wildly.

Discord muttered in Andrew’s ear, “You know, I can see inside this soldier’s head, I can see her memories...and her deep secrets. She really hates you, you know. Especially now. She’s had very vivid dreams about murdering you actually. She thinks you weak. A worthless cretin who should have died in those woods. She resents you for what you have achieved. Why would something like you, a worthless liberal arts major, get everything, when she, a marine who’s worked hard all her life, gets only torture and destruction? How could she be unable to make friends, and you end up the toast of the town, dating two ponies? One of whom was a personal hero?”

Andrew downcast his eyes, and Twilight told him in earnest, “It’s just Discord! Don’t listen to him! You know that can’t be true!”

He locked Melissa’s malfunctioning and twitching eyes on Twilight. “Greetings, dear Twilight. Get rewarded by Trollestia for freezing me? Of course you did. Molestia wouldn’t miss a chance to ego-stroke her young ward.”

Pointing at Twilight, Discord continued, “You betrayed her trust, you know. You and your show were what got her through something horrible called high school, and within days of her arrival, you betrayed that trust by violating her privacy and accusing her of being mentally ill. You know she has a plush toy of you in storage somewhere on her world? That is how much she idolized you. And you betrayed the trust she put in you. She blames you for her problems, all that she has suffered. Is she wrong?”
Twilight opened her mouth to reply, then blinked, looking out into the distance. She raised a hoof to her mouth in shock, blinking more rapidly as she sank onto her hindquarters.

“Twilight,” Fluttershy said, holding her friend, “It’s not your fault! How could you have known?”

Peering at Fluttershy, Discord grinned, “Oh, she positively loathes you, hippy. She’s had thoughts about eating every single one of your pets. The bear, the birds, the chickens...and that pretty, plump little rabbit. Angel bunny, how ever did he get his devil horns? Was he named ironically? Never mind, off topic, she considers you a threat to her personal health.” Pulling at one of Melissa’s sleeves, Discord revealed that the limb underneath was much thinner than it had been on her arrival, “No one noticed that she never took off her long sleeves? This creature has a disease that prevents her from eating wheat, and cannot consume your hay products. Then to add insult to injury, you actively deny her the meat products she needs to survive. And you call me a monster?”

Fluttershy whimpered, moving to step behind Andrew.

The marine’s neck snapped again as Discord looked at Rainbow Dash, “You’re one of her only friends, Dashie. And she doesn’t consider you that bright. Cute, but not that bright. She dreams about you, bee-tee-dubs.” his eyebrows bounced in a sickening manner. Rainbow looked sick, as she plugged her ears and hummed loudly.

With a snap of the fingers, a flash, and a tinkle, Discord disappeared, only to reappear near Rarity, the smile back on his face as he got in hers. “Ah, the luscious Rarity. Her first real friend on this world. She does admire your confidence, and finds your conversation rather stimulating. And yet she hates your neat-freak tendencies, how you physically assault others on a regular basis, and before you invited her in, was avoiding meeting you. She was afraid of you. She did not want her precious clothing to be violated by your fashion sense. In fact, the only reason she went to see you was because she needed a piece for a combat helmet, not out of the goodness of her heart as she said. I imagine she finds having to deal with your sister annoying as well.”
Rarity had her hooves over her ears as well, and was humming loudly, but her face was scrunched up.

Discord stepped around, passing a guard who had taken a bullet in the arm, and writhed in pain. He looked at the injured mare with indifference, prodding her with his foot, “Such a shame. Friendly fire.”

“We can’t just leave her like that!” Applejack cried, “Quit yer yapping and let us help the wounded!”

Discord raised Glamdring without looking at Applejack, “Why so much concern, AJ? She doesn’t have health care, therefore she doesn’t deserve medical aid, isn’t that correct? After all, anyone not republican and a conservative is a drain on resources, a moocher, a sponge. Damn shame if they die, but no big loss.”

He smirked, then said in a stage whisper, “In case you didn’t realize, she hates conservatives. All she did was try to help you, all she did was try to save your farm using her superior knowledge. But that’s liberal behavior, accepting change, so what did you do in return? Allowed your grandmother to voice her senile and stupid complaints and try to walk all over Melissa, ignoring the fact that she’s done more to protect your farm than you ever could. She only likes you because apples are about the only thing she can eat. If the meat didn’t talk around here, she’d never go within a mile of your disgusting farm.”
Grinning even more, he gestured at the wounded guard. “Tend to the whiners, or let them die. Take your pick.”

Applejack shot a defiant look at Discord, but rushed over to help the guard. She had some of the other hostages help tend to some of the other injured.

Discord/Melissa made eye contact with Pinkie Pie, who glared defiantly at him, “Oh, Pinkie! For one thing, she finds you extremely annoying, no tact at all, and unable to know when not to bother people, always pushing your nose in where it doesn’t belong. She’s been avoiding you for quite some time now. For another, she’s terrified of you. She fears your abilities, and doesn’t even know if she would be able to kill you if she tried. Do you have something called a ‘healing factor’? It’s apparently critical to her plans, something to do with Deadpool. Also, she knows that you know about them.”

You experience a chill as you read this line.

“Leave my student and her friends alone, Discord!” Celestia barked, “And leave that mare alone!”

Discord snapped Melissa’s fingers, and reappeared holding Luna in a headlock. “But this is the best part, my dear! However, the story still has a build. Lulu! How are you?”

He gave her a noogie. With his gun hand.

“You’re the only one who didn’t think she was Sunset Shimmer. And she’s also noted that you’re the only one of your royal compatriots who actually spends time among the people. What do you think that might indicate?”

She didn’t reply of course, and struggled to free herself without hurting the possessed Melissa.

“Odd…” Discord commented, “There don’t seem to be any hateful thoughts for you. Sure hope that doesn’t cause any great divide between you and the rest. You’d better hope so. By the way, she loves the royal Canterlot voice. Reminds her of Galadriel.”

He released Luna, and snapped his fingers again, reappearing on the judge’s seat, feet propped up.
Making a show of looking down his nose at her, Discord raised opera glasses summoned from nowhere to look at Celestia, “Ah...my dear sweet Tia. Now we come to you. She hates you the most. You are to blame for her exposure, her hunger, her illness.”

Throwing the opera glasses at Celestia, he hopped to his feet, “Melissa hates you. Loathes you. Utterly despises you. Unsurprising, given that I've been pumping her quaint little head with aggression and hatred and manipulating her for some time now, but then again, you threw her in jail for being intelligent and having better hair than you. When she first got here, she always wanted to meet you, hearing that you were very sweet and kind. The epitome of goodness. Like the Mother Thing, that creature of Heinlein fame. Then, when she first meets you, she is surrounded by the pigs, and taken into custody. After being brutally beaten, of course. She is placed in a cell exposed to the elements, fed grass and oats, an alienist installed in her brain without her consent, and she is extremely fatigued. Then you accuse her of being Sunset Shimmer. When she denies it, you accuse her of lying, or being mentally ill. And finally, your lawyer concludes that she’s a threat to national security. I’m shocked, Tia! Shocked!”

“What do you want?” Celestia demanded, doing her best to ignore the jabs, “How did you escape?

“What do I want, bae?” he giggled, “What do I want?”

Discord fired a shot into the ceiling.

“That’s a very big question, isn’t it?”

Another shot into the air, “What do I want? I want revenge, obviously.”

Taking full advantage of Melissa’s powerful lungs, he directed his attention on the door, where several guards could be seen taking cover, watching the situation unfold and unsure of what to do, “You, out there! I have your queens prisoner! Send in someone to negotiate or I commit significant amounts of homicide! So says Discord!”

Discord took the opportunity to loot the remaining ammunition clips from the evidence table, then popped back to the judge’s seat, “Now, we wait.”

“Are you alright?” Fluttershy asked Andrew, helping him to a sitting position, painfully.

He nodded, and furrowed his brow, “Why do I recognize her second voice?”

“That’s Discord alright, now that I know to look for it.” Twilight said.

“No, I mean I’ve heard it before. I don’t remember where…”

“You’ve heard it on TV, obviously.” Discord interrupted. There was flash of light behind them followed by his head suddenly beside them, eliciting a yelp of fright, “John De Lancie. Quite handsome for a human, played Q in Star Trek.”

“Discord, how did you escape?” Celestia demanded from her position on the floor holding her injured leg, “We re-created the seal!”

“Oh, you did, you did. Look outside that window, however, to the garden. Your questions will be answered.”

Luna helped her sister up to see out the window, and the queen of the sun furrowed her brow, “What?!”

Discord laughed again, making a motion with Melissa’s pinkie finger at the side of her mouth, “I’ve heard of out-of-body-experiences, but this is ridiculous! ‘It’s not something you see everyday, the back of your own head.’”

In the distance, in the royal gardens, Discord’s statue remained, hands held out in a desperate attempt to shield himself from the instrument of his imprisonment.

“As she says, ‘even dead gods dream.’ And an imprisoned spirit of chaos can still influence the mind of a human.”

“Did she make a deal with you or something? To save herself?” Andrew asked, going to the worst case scenario.

“Oh, how quaint. I’m not Bill Cipher,” Discord laughed, “I simply dove into her mind.”

“But how?” Twilight inquired, “Surely she would have told us, there must’ve been signs!”

“Don’t you get it? She doesn’t trust you. She--”

“Or,” Andrew interrupted, “it could have something to do with the fact that americans don’t put much stock in dreams, and don’t tell others what they might be hallucinating. Everyone’s terrified of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, so she probably was just scared.”

Discord pointed at him with the pistol, “Exactly right! You were in fact all scaring her!”

“What?” asked Celestia, “She knew we meant no--”

“No, no in fact she didn’t. In fact, ever since you first arrested her, she’s been expecting to be taken out back and…” Melissa/Discord flinched, “Oh...oh! This one’s mind is positively filthy! I’m going to need a shower after this!

“Tia, as she’s been saying, and you’ve been ignoring, she is not Sunset Shimmer...though your guess was not too far off. She is simply a soldier lost far from her home, who’s been abused, assaulted, and mentally tormented, among other punishments. And now, she is going to be the instrument to my freedom.”

Abruptly snapping his fingers, Discord appeared by the railing between the court and the audience. Looking confused for a moment, he snapped his fingers again, appearing only halfway through the audience.
“I need to stretch more.” he sighed, and moved to the door. He did keep a fair enough distance from the doorway, a clear firing corridor to anyone coming in, stopping any hope of reinforcements jumping him without casualties.

“Where’s my negotiator?!” he yelled outside, “I’ve still got plenty of bullets, and at least eight extra weapons from a bunch of dead and dying guards!”

After a few minutes, a tall unicorn stallion, coat as white as snow, mane a mix of dark and light blue, and a cutie mark that was a shield with three stars above it. He was dressed in a set of purple armor, a large plume of the same color as his mane.

“Shining Armor?” Twilight cried in disbelief as she recognized her brother.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her, “Twily! You’re still…”

A gunshot cracked past his feet as he took a step toward her.

“Hello Francis!” Discord cried happily, “Done waterboarding babies? Why are you in here? Is the Mask of Light somewhere around?”

“I’m here to negotiate your terms.” he growled, “And save my sister.”

“More quaintness, eh, Jaller? You don’t have dedicated hostage negotiators yet. Well, gives me an additional hostage.”

“What? But--”

“Oh, you can still negotiate, Gil Nexdor,” Discord said, “You’ll just have to do it from in here. Just stand there and yell to talk with them.”

“Now wait--”

Bang!

Discord reloaded, “Next one’s hitting the wounded, Billy.”

Shining Armor opened and closed his mouth several times, and looked at Celestia for confirmation.

“It’s the only way.” she nodded reluctantly.

Shining exhaled heavily, “Alright Discord, what are your demands?”

“Well, Lance…” Discord snapped his fingers, but nothing happened.

There was a sound like a lighter dry-firing as he tried several more times, and huffed, “No musical number I suppose. How unfortunate for you, Morro.”

Leaning back in his chair, Discord thought, “Hmm...what do I want, what do I want, what do I want?”

Snapping his fingers again, Melissa’s sunglasses appeared in his hands, and he chewed on one end.

Twilight leaned over to whisper to Andrew, “This is very odd behavior for Discord. Normally his effects would be widespread, and he wouldn’t take hostages. He’d just do what he would want to.”

“Maybe controlling Melissa is taxing his abilities?” Andrew supplied.

“Perhaps...but humans aren’t used to attacks on the mind, so she might not be able to fight back effectively. I doubt it would take that much effort to keep her under control. I mean look at the evidence, It looks like he managed to disable her alienist, and we haven’t seen his control weakening. It must be something else.”

Luna crept over to sit by them, “The seal keeps all of his major abilities entrapped. It seems as though he only has enough power for cheap tricks.”

“Maybe we could use that to our advantage, try and tire him out so Melissa can get him out of her head.” Andrew mused, “he may have control of her now, but with limited magic, overstretching might be able to weaken his control.”

“I’ve got it!” Discord yelled, making everyone jump, “I want myself brought in here, along with the elements of harmony, a barrel of apples, and those forces assembling outside to back off or I shoot Twilight. The longer you take, I start killing more hostages. After the magenta one, I shoot Celestia, Luna, Andrew, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Fluttershy, you Todd, then the background ponies at random.”

“Anything else?” Shining asked through gritted teeth.

“I also want an index for the Canterlot archives. Not the public one, I want Celestia’s personal index.”
“What difference would that make?” Shining inquired, keeping his voice level.

“It would include all of your dirty, dirty secrets. Now go and tell them, Dylan!”

As Shining stormed off to the doorway, Andrew shakily got to his feet. He warily moved toward the witness box, leaning against it nonchalantly.

“So...Discord. Uh...how ya doing?”

Discord shrugged, “As well as I can be, Commander Shepherd. I’m feeling rather peckish. Hope those apples get here soon.”

Before Andrew could say another word, Discord held up a hand, “I know what you’re trying to do, commander. You’re trying to appeal to the real Melissa. You’ve come over here to drop certain conversational hints that will elicit an emotional reaction so as to weaken my hold on her.”

He leaned to the side to peer around Andrew at Twilight, “Isn’t that right, Twily? Just like last time.”

He sat back, and looked back at Andrew, “That’s not going to happen again. Quick question. Be my accomplice?”

Andrew squinted, “What?”

Before he could finish his word, Discord had seized Andrew’s head, index finger on his temple, “Excuse me, I misspoke. It wasn’t a question. It was an order.”

Before he could react, there was a transfer of energy between Discord and Andrew. Instantly he went rigid, every limb stretched out.

“Andrew!” Fluttershy and Twilight screamed. They watched as he twitched and trembled, his eyes becoming clouded over with a spiraling rainbow of colors, and his skin began to pale.

The ponies stared in horror as Andrew slowly turned around. He blinked rapidly as the opaqueness over his eyes faded, and stumbled a little, leaning against the witness booth.

“A-Andrew?” Twilight asked desperately, reaching out a hoof but wary of the pistol aimed at her head.

“Huh…?” he grunted, then shook his head and shot to his feet, “The fuck do you want? I’m really freaking fine! Why the fuck do you want to know?!”

“What? I--”

“Leave me alone, you bitch! Why the fuck do you have to check up on me every fucking second of every fucking day?! You don’t have to treat me like a baby! Goddamn, every day since I’ve gotten here you’ve done that! I’m completely fucking sick of it! Just shut up for once in your life and leave me alone!”

Twilight was horrified. She stared with anger, rage, and shock at Discord, “What did you do to him?! Are you controlling him as well?”

Discord yawned, “No, of course not. Not directly at least. That’s simply not original. And would give me a bit of a headache. Don’t you recognize the symptoms? Andrew, get a weapon and keep them from escaping.”

Fluttershy trotted up to Andrew as Discord was talking, and cringed as she mumbled, “Andrew…”

“Oh, Flutters!” he greeted, a strange look in his eyes, “Done playing in the shit with all the animals?”

She gasped, and that only seemed to make him grin, “Y’know I hate that fucking rabbit of yours. I’ve wanted to eat him everytime he tries to fucking kill me!”

“Andrew, leave her alone!” Twilight ordered.

“Y’know, Fluttershy,” Andrew continued speaking, extending his middle finger to Twilight, “after the time travel incident, we were considering telling you our whole thing together was a joke? I mean, I don’t think polygamy is legal here. So I figured eventually I’d break up with you, and go with her. After all, she’s much better looking.”

He put on a look of disgust, “Y’know, for a pony. Never thought I would be into that weird shit.”

As Fluttershy worked to hold back tears, he put on a fake expression of sympathy, “Oh, don’t worry, Flutters. You are a better kisser than her.”

He walked over to one of the injured guards, now somewhat quiet and bandaged. He grabbed the pony’s revolver and roughly pulled off the stallion’s ammunition containers.
“Stupid shitty guns,” he muttered, using the guard’s jacket to wipe the blood off the action and fumbling with the cartridges, much weaker than he was used to, “Primitive fucking pieces of shit. How the hell did you people make it to an industrial nation if you can’t make simple guns right?”

He looked up at Discord, “Is Melissa bothered by the plumbing here too?”

Discord snorted, “There’s no end to the things she’s bothered by. She hates you, the Mane Six, Celestia, the plumbing, lack of showers, everything.”

“Would you mind telling her she drives me nuts?” Andrew inquired, grinning as he test-fired the revolver on a nearby wall, “She’s the most pompous, arrogant, condescending, foul-mouthed high-and-mighty person I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting! I hate all the junk she has, I hate how she thinks she’s so much smarter than everyone, I hate all that stupid shit she’s memorized and keeps referencing, everything she does pisses me off! I have no idea why we’re even friends! Also, tell her that her hair looks like bacon. I’ve been wanting to eat it since day one.”

Rainbow Dash shot forward and seized Andrew by the shoulders, “Andrew, snap out of it! This isn’t you!”

With manic glee, he flipped the revolver around, and smashed Rainbow Dash across the face in a pistol-whip, spewing blood and a tooth across the floor as she fell to the ground.
“I’d appreciate it if you would leave me alone from now on. You keep finding new ways to piss me off everytime I blink, misinterpreting that whole incident with Twilight, and you keep hitting on me! Just...keep your mouth shut and don’t talk to me ever again.”

“Now do you see?” Discord asked, laughing. “You’ve all experienced it.”

“It’s his hypnosis technique…” Luna realized, just like what the Mane Six had been subjected to during the first escape of Discord. She watched as Andrew glared at Applejack, who'd come to help Rainbow Dash to her feet.

“I still haven’t forgiven you for breaking my jaw, AJ.”

The earth pony didn’t reply, gingerly picking up Rainbow’s missing tooth and passing it over to the moaning pegasus.

Unable to elicit a reaction, he stepped over to Rarity, “Y’know, I’d appreciate it if you would stop hitting on me all the damn time too. Spike’s been threatening to kill me every other time you do it.”

Discord vaulted over the judge’s box, “Oh, Andrew, it’s not her fault. She’s just sexually confused, hitting on every other male in sight.”

“Oh, really?” Andrew inquired, oblivious to Rarity’s shocked expression.

“Yes, it’s quite a fascinating topic actually. I’ve discovered in the depths of my gracious host’s mind something called ‘head canon’. In it I’ve found several ‘fan pairings’, one for so many ponies around here. Quite an odd subject, actually.”

“Which ones involve Rarity? You said she was confused.”

“Oh, there’s one called Rarijack. See, Rarity’s so far in the closet she could find Narnia, and refuses to admit she’s attracted to Applejack.”

Both laughed, watching Applejack blush and Rarity burst out “Well, I never!”

“Any other fan pairings?”

“There’s a website called WatchPony.com, with a top ten list of most popular fan pairings. Number ten was RainbowPie.”

“Oh-ho-ho!” Andrew laughed, “I totally see that!”

Rainbow’s moaning only increased, “Hey!” Pinkie Pie cried indignantly, “We all have a right to privacy, and why should we listen to you anyway?!”

She stood up, “He’s the god of chaos, isn’t he? Being a big meanie is his job description! These aren’t our friends talking, it’s Discord!”

Discord snapped his fingers, and reappeared next to Pinkie, putting his arm around her, “Oh, very perceptive, Pinkie Pie! But you’re wrong about one thing. I haven’t lied once. There may be exaggeration, but virtually everything here is stuff I've found in their heads.”

He released her, and pushed Pinkie into one of the other hostages, “Go back to planning your parties, idiot. Leave the talking to the big ponies.”

“What was number nine?” Andrew inquired.

“That was…” Discord furrowed his brow for a minute, then began to laugh, “Oh as if...I’m going to skip that one. It would just make you want to punch me. Number eight was Derpy and that Doctor Who-wannabe. Number seven involves Twilight.”
He bounced his eyebrows at her.

“Well? Tell us!”

“The relationship was called Sunlight--”

Suddenly, Discord twitched massively, reaching a hand up to his head. For a brief instant, the yellow in his eyes faded to be replaced with moderate cyan.

“Shut up shut up shut up you fucking asshole!” a single voice rang out at the top of her lungs, as Melissa fell to her knees, “Shut up shut up and get out of my head! I’m not her! I’m...not...”

An ear-wrenching scream resounded through the massive hall, and Melissa’s head pitched forward for a moment.

Seconds later, her eyes popped open yellow and red. Discord jumped to his feet, dusting himself off.

“Dear me, I should get that checked. Marcus!”

Everyone in the hall looked at each other, confused.

“Wayne Green! Hostage negotiator stallion!”

Shining Armor realized what he was talking about and stepped forward from the door.

“What’s the word on my demands?”

With a glare, Shining Armor reported, “They’re on their way.”

“Interesting...no negotiation? Just acquiescing to my demands? How strange…”

Discord walked up to Shining Armor very slowly, “Say, Andrew…”

“Yeah?” grunted Andrew.

“No, not you. Him. Andrew Francis. How’s the wife?”

He smirked evilly, “Oh, wait, you’re not married yet. Better hope you don’t.”

“What were the other pairings?” Andrew inquired.

“Oh yes! Forgot! There was Appledash, Twidash, Flutterdash…”

“Just leave her alone!” Twilight roared, “Your demands are being met, why do you keep doing this!?”

Discord locked eyes with Twilight, and smiled. “‘Why? Because I can.’” his laughter filled the hall once again.

XXXXX

An hour had passed. Most of the wounded had been tended to, and the more seriously injured were removed as part of the terms dictated for negotiation.
The elements of harmony, and Discord’s physical form were still supposedly being transported, but it was clearly a delaying tactic.

Still, Discord seemed content. He’d eaten half the barrel of apples, and was leafing through Celestia’s index, laughing every once in awhile.
Andrew kept an eye on the hostages, giggling to himself and occasionally dishing out more insults.

Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, and the Mane Six had gathered together in the center of the other hostages, whispering to one another.

“Just hold still...there!” Twilight said with satisfaction, as Rainbow Dash’s tooth clicked back into place.
“Now that won’t hold forever,” Fluttershy explained, “We need to get that to a proper dentist, but it should work for now.”

Rainbow spoke with a bit of a lisp, “Thanks. I am going to kill him.”

“It’s not his fault!” Fluttershy said quickly, “It’s just Discord making him say those awful things!”

“Didn’t sound like Discord was making it up. He always did seem bothered whenever I did those things...I thought it was harmless.”

“Rainbow…” Twilight said gently, “You remember what I told you about what happened the last time? How all of you were acting completely out of character?”

Rarity interrupted, “But you also said some of what we said and did was the result of repressed emotions and concepts. It was as if we were drunk. Some of what we said was harsh, but we meant it and it was hard to see it in the open. How do we know it’s all made up? Do they truly hate our world?”

“We can’t know that for sure,” Celestia insisted, “We can’t trust anything said here until we get them back to normal. Now, we must stop panicking and formulate a plan!”

The Mane Six all dipped their heads in respect, and Twilight immediately formed an answer, “Emotional responses seem to cause problems in his control. And Melissa’s break did tell us that she was still in there somewhere. Perhaps we could find something to trigger them? Discord can’t control ponies that same way twice, and Andrew’s condition is one we’ve dealt with before. If we fix him, that’s one less asset for Discord to use.“Freeing both of them should prevent this from happening again.”

Fluttershy spoke up, whispering, “Um...if no one minds...uh...last time, Twilight helped talk Applejack out of it. Maybe something like that will work?”

“Can’t do it to Melissa. Look what happened to Andrew.” Applejack pointed out.

“How do we free her then?.” Rarity inquired.

Twilight grimaced, “I don’t know. It’s not his typical mind control he’s using on her. It’s something different. I doubt my spells from last time will work.”

Luna replied, “If I could see into her mind, perhaps I could figure out a way to break his control. I suspect her real self is in a sleep-like state. I might be able to interact with her.”

Twilight shook her head, “That could just get you trapped, your highness. We still don’t know what else Discord is capable of.”

Pinkie Pie abruptly stuck her head in, “If you’re looking to provoke her, maybe fight fire with fire?”

“We tried that. It didn’t work.” Applejack said.

“Yeah, but that was using a spark against a fire. The spark never works against a bigger fire, trust me, I tried. It doesn’t have enough air to last long enough! You make the fire big enough though, and it doesn’t go out like the spark does, right? It helps to take down the bigger fire, rather than be burned out by the big one. So we use a fire instead of a spark!”

Twilight furrowed her brow, “I don’t know if that’s how that works--what are you--”

Luna gasped, “Wait! I understand now! You mean that if Andrew is freed, because he can’t be taken over again, he’ll be the bigger fire!”

Pinkie smirked, “Duh!”

Rainbow Dash squinted at the queen of the night, “You understood that? I barely understand her half the time!”

“If one spends enough time in Pinkie Pie’s dreams, many things about her begin to make sense.”

“Well, it’s a plan! Let’s try it!” Rarity encouraged.

“Alright then.” Shining Armor concluded, “How do we get Andrew’s help? I’d really like to hit him. A lot.”

Twilight smiled a little, “I don’t think that’ll be necessary. If I remember the building dimensions correctly, we shall have an opportunity.”

Minutes later, a workpony wearing a hard hat and an orange vest trotted in nervously, looking for Shining Armor.

“Visitor!” Discord called out, throwing an apple core at Shining’s head, “Linden, get it!”

Shining managed to dodge the core, and trotted over. “Yeah?”

“Sir...it’s about Discord’s body. We uh…”

Discord vaulted over the edge of the judge’s seat, and jogged over, “Who say what now about me?”

“Uh…” the workpony got even more nervous, “We can’t get it through the door.”

“What?!” Discord roared, “Oh...incompetent ponies!”

He seized Shining Armor in a headlock, “Andrew, keep an eye on the hostages while I go and get myself unfrozen, this has gone on long enough!”

Andrew made a show of opening his revolver’s chamber, loading it, and snapping it shut.

Twilight nodded to Luna.

The queen rather nonchalantly trotted over to Andrew, keeping an eye on the weapon he held.

“The fuck do you want?”

“Very little at the moment.” Luna replied, “I simply wish to glean from you your opinion on something. Do you know the…” she resisted the urge to turn back at Twilight for confirmation, “Tee-vee show...Farscape?”

Andrew’s face seemed to clear for a moment, as he lit up, but then was puzzled. “How do you--”

“I thought it was disdainful. They balanced c...computer? Computer animation and puppets poorly. The acting was repugnant, and the scripts were distasteful.”

She was already backpedaling as Andrew launched himself at her, not bothering with the gun.

Luna’s timing was a little off, and he managed to land on her instead of on the floor.

It turned out to be a blessing, his momentum pushed both of them back toward the crowd, and immediately, Andrew was surrounded and set upon by the angry ponies.

The Mane Six and the queens did their best to pull the mob off of him, just enough at least. Several ponies held him down, while Twilight moved to stand by his head. Her horn glowed with energy, and released a spell.

Andrew’s color returned, and he stopped struggling. Blinking rapidly he rubbed his face, then looked around at everypony around him.

“Please please please please tell me I didn’t--”

“You did.” Twilight grimaced, “But you’re back now. And we need you to talk to Melissa.”

“Oh...okay.”

Helping Andrew to his feet, Applejack commented, “Well that wuz real easy. Kind of anticlimactic, now that I think about it.”

“Yeah! Almost like the writer didn’t have anywhere to go with this, and just decided to fix it!” Pinkie Pie agreed.

“Not now!” Twilight barked, before sprinting out the door with Andrew.

They rushed outside to the plaza outside the courthouse. A rig designed to carry Discord’s frozen body was disassembled in the center, and a long furrow followed the statue from the rig, across the cobblestone, and stopped a few meters from the bottom of the stairs below Andrew and Twilight.

The cops, soldiers, and workponies surrounded the possessed Melissa, and the frozen statue of Discord. Discord had Melissa’s arms raised over her head, holding several things together.

They realized it was the lead element of harmony, with Glamdring’s barrel scraping the gold away.

“Nobody comes any closer or I shoot!” they heard him roar.

“What else does he want now?” somepony asked, and as if in response, Discord yelled, “Give up the other elements or lose them all now!”

“Andrew,” Twilight implored, “You’re the only one who can talk her out of it! There’s no one else who can!”

“What can I do?! I’m just me, I’m no good at talking to people! Look what happened literally two hours ago!”

Twilight went up on her hind legs, resting her hooves on his shoulders, “Andrew, that is your friend down there! She’s alone, she’s under Discord’s influence, and is afraid of everypony at the moment! She needs help!”

“But you’re the friendship speech pony! I’m a freaking coward, just like Spike said! I’m nothing, I’m not special! I can’t--”

“Andrew. You know that’s not true! When I was in danger you walked into Tartarus itself to try and save me! You may have serious judgement issues, but you’re not just a ‘cowardly indecisive jerk’! Do you think we’d be friends if you really were?! You’re better than you think, and nobler than you know! Andrew, please!”

Andrew looked between her and the figure at the bottom of the stairs. He slowly rubbed his face, resting his hands there for a moment.

“Please...help her.” Twilight said more quietly.

Andrew didn’t reply, and let out a sigh. Slowly, he walked toward the scene, pushing his way through the crowd.

Hands in his pockets, he hoped to look non-threatening. Discord wasn’t having any of it, unfortunately.

“Keep back!” Discord barked, “I’ll do it if you don’t!”

“Okay!” Andrew said, putting up his hands, “Keeping back!”

“What do you want?” the demon of chaos demanded.

“I just came to talk.”

“Really? Just to talk? You came to stop me!”

Andrew shrugged, “Well, I thought that was obvious.”

“Then why’d you want to talk?!”

“I didn’t want to talk to you, you egotistical ass. I want to talk to her.”

Discord laughed, and in a gargling voice said “‘Nothing of the host survives’.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, exhausted and angry, “Cut the crap, Discord. Yeah, Goa’uld, Har-de-har. Let’s get on with it.”

“Well then, speak away! I’m sure she’ll love to hear more berating!”

Andrew took a breath, here goes nothing. “Melissa...I’m sorry.”

Discord tilted his head in confusion, “What?”

“I’m sorry, Melissa. I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through, I’m sorry that you got taken away from Earth, I’m sorry--” his voice broke for a moment, and he coughed, “I’m sorry that I haven’t been the greatest of friends to you. None of this is your fault. It’s just unfortunate circumstances. None of it’s your fault, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for any of it.”

Discord lowered his arms, and for a brief instant the yellow in Melissa’s eyes faded. A tear ran out of the corner of her eye, and she whispered, “I...I can’t do this, Andrew…I can’t go on like this, I just can’t. There’s nothing I can do.”

Andrew realized with immense sympathy and sadness, that she wasn’t talking about standing up to Discord.

He looked at her for the longest time, his duster blowing around in the wind. What could he say?

He suddenly remembered a quote, with incredible clarity, “‘I know, it’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.’”

“‘What are we holding onto’?” Melissa’s eyes returned once again as she answered with the correct line.

“That all isn’t lost, that there’s some good left in the world. We’ll get home, that we’ll survive and we’ll make it home. You can’t give up Melissa. It’s only a passing thing. We’ll survive. You’ll survive. The ponies don’t hate you. I don’t hate you. We’re here for you. Help us fight for the good, and put down the gun.”

For a moment, her arms trembled, as her eyes clouded over.

The soldiers and cops raised their weapons, ready for anything.

Melissa dropped the crown, lowered her pistol, and straightened up. She stepped into a human posture. Her eyes cleared to reveal moderate cyan, glowing all the brighter as her skin and hair returned to normal. Melissa began to cry and laugh at the same time, grinning for all the world as she fell to her knees. “He's gone…”

Andrew went to sit beside her, grinning himself, tears threatening to spill from his eyes as well.

“We did it…” she mumbled, “we didn’t surrender...I am who I am again.”

Andrew raised a hand, not knowing what he wanted to do with it for a moment, then settled for patting her on the back, “No, you didn’t surrender. You got him out of there.”

To his utter surprise, she embraced him, sobbing and laughing for joy. The headaches were gone, her depression, sadness, and paranoia released. She felt free for the first time in what felt like years. Her mind was her own again. No more anger, no more aggression pumped into her brain, just a pure feeling of freedom.

The crowd erupted into cheers over their victory, safe in the knowledge that Discord had been beaten once again.

“Uh...uh…” Andrew yelped, gingerly returning the hug, “Melissa...Melissa!”

Snuffling, and still grinning from ear to ear, she release him, “Dude, I thought you were an anthropologist! Hugs are as good as handshakes in pony culture! And fuck it anyway, I was in need of one, so you can just stuff it.”
Wiping at her nose with her sleeve she gestured to the frozen statue behind them, “If that ass escapes again, remind me to kick him in the balls.”

“Duly noted.”