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Don't Drink and Science

by Justice3442

Chapter 2: Twilight and Sunset Built This in a Garage. Withaboxofscraps!

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Author's Notes:

Thanks to The Albinocorn for the chapter title suggestion (way better than then my original title) and, of course, Tired Old Man for his tireless (:trollestia:) editing and great suggestions on this chapter.

Twilight looked over the fresh faces in the room that were mostly looking at her and Sunset with concern. Excluding Pinkie who just seemed happy to be here, Rainbow Dash who kept leering at Twilight and Sunset’s android in a manner that didn’t make Twilight at all comfortable, and Applejack who was still buried under a modest pile of drywall…

Okay, so only fifty percent of the fresh faces that could look with concern at her and Sunset were doing so, and it seemed Rarity had started to also take a bit more interest in the android in the room. Twilight took one more glance at the new arrivals. “Uh, not that I want to discourage the odd surprise visit, bad timing aside, what are you all doing here?”

Pinkie gave Twilight a wide, full-toothed grin. “We’re celebrating the first time we all unexpectedly showed up at your house!”

Sunset gave Pinkie a bemused look. “This is the first time you’ve all unexpectedly showed up to Twilight's house!”

“Right!” Pinkie said with a nod. “And we’re celebrating!” Pinkie reached into her hair with both hands and pulled out a noise maker in one. She used her other hand to throw some confetti into the air then blew on the noise maker.

‘PhweeeEEEEE!’

“Surprise!” Pinkie exclaimed.

Sunset raised a palm to her face. “Of all the days…”

The android spoke up. “Pinkie Pie’s logic does follow, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset crinkled her brow at the android. “Don’t encourage her… and that might actually be the strangest thing someone has said today…”

“Forget that!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Believe me, I’m trying,” Sunset replied.

Rainbow Dash continued, “What I want to know is why you two were drinking!”

Rarity and Fluttershy nodded in agreement as Twilight’s face flushed crimson.

“Er… Do we need to, um, to have an intervention? I mean… you’re both underage…”

Sunset’s face tightened. “Twilight is underage by your stupid human laws, I just look young. Besides, clearly us drinking is a good thing!” Sunset motioned to the android. “Look what we accomplished!”

“Ah assume Sunset is pointing at the killer robot,” Applejack said from under the drywall pile. “Ah’m gonna count that as a reason those two shouldn’t drink!”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, wow, gee… Sorry Twilight and I created a technological marvel together!”

“Yeah, that might kill us…” Applejack retorted as she picked pieces of the broken wall off her face.

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “Actually, I was just upset I wasn’t invited. Guess it was an ‘eggheads only’ sort of deal.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you’d have better luck if you didn’t call Twilight and me ‘eggheads’.”

Holding a long length of measuring tape, Rarity slowly shuffled over to the android. “Uh… Sunset… Twilight? Erm… May I….?” she asked as she pointed towards the pair’s robot creation.

“Uh, sure…” Twilight said. “but Daughter Unit is basically a teenager… I mean, most anything we can spare should fit her…”

The android stuck out her lower lip in a pout. “Am I not worth new clothes, Mother Unit Alpha?”

Twilight cringed. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to imply… uh…” She turned towards Sunset.

Sunset just shrugged. “Hey, you dug this hole, not me.”

Rarity gave Twilight an incensed look. “She most certainly will not be dressed in hand-me-downs! And certainly not when I can easily come up with a few stylish outfits or even resize some existing ones.” Rarity took a long look at the android and her purple hair that turned into a red-and-yellow striped gradient. “Besides, we simply must get her something to bring out this delightful hair coloring she has!”

Sunset smirked at Twilight. “You really should know better than to get in between Rarity and an excuse to make new outfits.”

Twilight put on a sheepish grin and shrugged. “Right, what was I thinking? Go ahead, Rarity.”

Rarity giddily bent down and began measuring the android’s legs.

“Uh… Little help?” Applejack said from the pile of drywall she was in.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash leaned down and helped Applejack back to her feet.

“Eeehehehe!” Pinkie giggled excitedly. “And I’ll dress your wounds!” she said as she began to undress.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Applejack said. “Ah’m not sure if dressing my wounds means what you think it means.”

“Huh?” Pinkie said as she took off her shirt, revealing a baby-blue bra underneath. “Oh! No… I just need to get changed, silly-billy!” she said as Rainbow Dash’s attention suddenly changed from the android to an increasingly nude Pinkie.

“Uh, okay…” Applejack turned towards Twilight and Sunset. “Look, can we please talk about you two creating something that has, like, a ninety-percent chance of turnin’ on us humans?”

“Oh, you’re over exaggerating!” Sunset exclaimed. She turned towards the android. “Right, Robo-daughter?”

“Correct,” the android said, “the chances of me turning against humanity is significantly lower than that.”

“Uh… See?” Sunset said as she motioned towards the android and turned back to Applejack. “Over exaggerating!”

Applejack merely shook her head and rolled her eyes.

“Darling? Could you raise your arms?” Rarity asked the android.

The android complied, raising its arms up and out horizontally from its body.

“You too, Applejack!” Pinkie chimed in.

Applejack sighed as likewise lifted her arms so Pinkie could begin wrapping one in gauze. “Look, Ah’m just saying that most every time someone makes a robot, they end up turning on their human masters! There’s about a hundred movies about this!”

Standing next to Sunset, Twilight Sparkle stared off into space and stroked her chin as if she was seriously considering Applejack’s words. However, Sunset’s irritated expression betrayed that she was having none of it. She sighed. “Yes… Movies, Applejack! Movies! This is real life!”

Fluttershy frowned. “Well… a strange and scary ‘real life’ where we have to deal with magical threats from time to time.”

“… Yeah, so?” Sunset replied.

“Uh… erm… I guess, well…”

Rainbow Dash spoke up, “I think what Fluttershy is trying to say is that none of us had to deal with ‘weird magic’ stuff until you showed up.”

“Oh, right…” Sunset said, scratching the back of her head. “In my defense… Starswirl was using this dimension as his personal dumping ground for stuff he didn’t want to deal with long before I showed up.”

Applejack continued to shoot Sunset a sour look as Pinkie began wrapping Applejack’s entire chest with gauze. “Well, crazy, potentially genocidal robots aren’t magical!” Applejack glared down at Pinkie. “Pinkie! Would you ease up there?! I just got a few bruises! I don’t even need bandages!”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip in a pout. “But I’ve been carrying around this nurse’s outfit and first aid kit in my hair for years! Don’t take this from me!”

Applejack frowned and looked Pinkie up and down. Pinkie had changed out of her clothing and was now wearing a pink nurse’s cap with a red cross on top, a pink medical jacket that clung to her chest so tightly the buttons looked to be actively rebelling, to say nothing of the bottom of the jacket that barely reached Pinkie’s thighs which also seemed to be trying to escape. This was accompanied by white stockings that went a few inches past Pinkie’s knees and trendy pink flats to complete the ensemble.

“I doubt that’s a standard nurse outfit Pinkie…” Applejack quipped.

“But Rarity made it for me!”

Applejack shot an accusing look at Rarity who responded with a nervous chuckle. “In my defense,” Rarity began, “Pinkie has grown a bit since I made that…”

“Proceed,” Applejack sighed out in a defeated tone as Pinkie gleefully returned to wrapping Applejack’s arms.

Still glaring at Applejack, Sunset pointed behind her with her thumb towards the android who was standing with her arms stretched out to either side of her body. “Well this Skynet you're so sure is going to destroy us all is currently being fitted for dresses!”

Humming contently to herself, Rarity ran the tape measure down the length of the android’s left arm.

Applejack just rolled her eyes. “Right… so we’ll all be murdered by a well-dressed genocidal robot.”

Rarity simply tittered to herself as she wrapped her tape measure around the androids waist. “I suppose if humanity is to end, at least the last thing everyone will see is one of my stunning outfits.”

“Yer a big help…” Applejack muttered.

Sunset turned and raised an eyebrow. “You know, Rarity, you probably don’t need to do that. I’m sure Twilight and I have her exact measurements somewhere.” Sunset frowned slightly and turned towards Twilight. “Uh… right?”

Twilight turned towards Sunset at the sound of her name, though it took about a second for her eyes to focus as if her mind was having to shift focus. “Oh, uh… Daughter Unit’s measurements?” Twilight looked down at the floor and scanned her soundings. She walked over to a tablet on the floor, picked it up, and swiped at the screen a few times. “Yeah, I have them.”

Rarity raised a hand and waved it at the girls. “No need! ‘Sometimes the old methods are the best’, as they say!”

Twilight rolled her eyes and muttered to herself, “… Yeah. It sure would suck having measurements down to the second decimal point just handed to you…”

Sunset likewise responded to Rarity’s comment with annoyance, “First off, you’re taking the measurements of an android, Rarity. Second off, I’m pretty sure ‘they’ do not say that, as I think you got that from a movie… Uh… Robo-daughter?”

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

Sunset couldn’t help but grimace slightly. “Where does the line ‘sometimes the old methods are the best’, come from?”

The androids sky blue eyes glowed momentarily as they darted back and forth. “Searching… The quote is from the movie, ‘Skyfall’.”

Sunset smirked. “Better than Google…” she murmured to herself. “There you go,” Sunset said to Rarity. “You just made a quote about the ‘old ways’ from a franchise that gave us the ‘laser watch’ and ‘invisible car’.”

Rarity turned up her nose. “Hmmff! Well excuse me if I like making outfits to be a more personal affair!” she snapped.

The android spoke up. “I should also point out that I could easily list off my own measurements if asked, so ultimately both taking my measurements and looking them up are fruitless endeavors. However, I am willing to allow my measurements to be taken in such a crude fashion and even have my own stats read back to me if it will make anyone present to feel better about themselves.”

Silence descended on the room.

Sunset’s face crinkled. “Did you just robo-sass all of us?!”

“Affirmative.”

Sunset’s face tightened further. “Well, please stop.”

“Acknowledged. Robo-sass subroutines have been suspended.”

Sunset gritted her teeth. “You’re still sassing me, aren’t you?”

“Affirmative,” the android replied.

Sunset let out an annoyed growl as Rarity continued to take measurements, though with a sour look on her face.

Twilight chuckled and gently elbowed Sunset in the arm. “Hey, at least you now know what it’s like to be friends with you.”

The left side of Sunset’s lips pulled upwards as if they had just been snagged by a hook. “Yeah well… uh…” She turned towards the android. “Robo-daughter, please insult Twilight… make it a scathing insult.”

The android turned towards Twilight. “Mother Unit Alpha, you’re only friends have been your brother, a dog, and a stuffed animal for almost the entirety of your life.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide as she let out the audible love-child of a sad whimper and distressed shriek. Everyone else in the room cringed.

Pinkie Pie ceased wrapping Applejack who was beginning to resemble a glowering mummy at this point. Reaching into her hair, Pinkie Pie pulled out a large tube marked ‘burn cream’.

Sunset waved her hands in front of her. “Too scathing! Too scathing!”

“Acknowledged,” the android replied, “adjusting scathing levels.”

Twilight’s amethyst eyes began to turn watery from behind her glasses. “Why would you program our daughter to say something so horrible?!”

“I don’t know!” Sunset said throwing her hands up in the air. “I mean… Maybe I was like… crazy mad at you last night?”

Twilight sniffled. “I… I guess… makes sense… I mean… it being my fault would help explain why I basically didn’t have any friends until now…”

A panicky expression smashed into Sunset’s face like a bird accidentally flying into a plate-glass window. “That’s not… I didn’t mean…”

“Clarification,” the android began. “I am not preset with any insults. I possess an algorithm that allows me to craft verbal attacks based on the information in my databases.”

Twilight began to shake as silent sobs wracked her body. “Right… because the best insults are true…”

Fluttershy looked on with a troubled look as Rarity silently walked over towards Twilight and handed her a handkerchief. She shot Sunset a glare.

“B-but-but…” Sunset sputtered out. “I didn’t mean for things to go this far!”

“Mother Units?” the android called out. “You both seem to be suffering from elevated stress levels. Is there something I can do to assist?”

“Insult me!” Sunset exclaimed.

Twilight lifted her glasses and dabbed at her tears with the handkerchief Rarity had handed her. “Sunset, it’s okay, that’s not—”

The android piped up, “Mother Unit Beta, your hair is not dissimilar in visual appearance to a plate of bacon.”

Sunset frowned. “Uh… I was kind of hoping for something a little more cutting…”

The android frowned. “Scanning…” She bent down and came back up with a box knife, blade extended. “Initiating cutting sequence.”

The atmosphere in the room grew thick with near panicked level of worry.

“Stop! Stop!” Sunset exclaimed.

“Daughter unit!” Twilight exclaimed. “Please disengage cutting command.”

“Acknowledged.”

Sunset let out a sigh of relief.

Applejack laughed to herself. “Keep digging that hole, girls.”

Sunset’s lips tightened. “Robo-daughter, insult Applejack.”

“Acknowledged. Applejack, your love for apples borders on the obsessive.”

“… Uh,” Rainbow Dash piped up. “Like… everyone knows that.”

Applejack snickered. “Ah think yer dumb robot has run out of steam.”

The android retracted the blade of the box knife and threw the item at Applejack, catching her in the face with a solid ‘Thud!’

“OW! Or not!” Applejack exclaimed as she reached a hand to her face.

Pinkie put on a giddy smile as she reached into her hair and pulled out another roll of gauze.

Twilight frowned. “Well… her routine against derogatory comments regarding her robotic nature is still working...” Twilight turned towards the robot. “But, ‘Bacon hair’ and ‘likes apples’? Certainly, you can do better than that!”

“Apologies, Mother Unit Alpha, Mother Unit Beta has lowered the ‘scathing’ levels of my insults.”

“Well turn them back up and try again!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Acknowledged. Applejack, your love for apples borders on the obsessive.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That’s literally the exact same thing you said earlier.”

“I was not finished,” the android clarified. “Your obsession with such a low-quality fruit is unfortunate as they as there are so many fruits that are objectively superior in every way. See: Strawberries. And also: literally any fruit besides apples.”

Applejack’s face tightened so quickly that those present were certain they heard an audible ‘snap!’ “That tears it! Potentially killin’ everyone is ONE thing! Besmirching apples is another!” Sunset and Twilight quickly place themselves in between Applejack and the android as Applejack took two steps forward, then tripped on a loose bandage and practically face planted on the ground. “… Ah might be ready for the robot apocalypse now…” Applejack uttered dejectedly before Pinkie skirted a generous glob of burn cream into her hand and mashed it against Applejack’s cheek, much to Applejack’s annoyance.

Sunset and Twilight let out sighs of relief.

“Uh, Pinkie?” Fluttershy said. “You’re supposed to use the metal clips to keep the bandages in place.”

“The wha…?” Pinkie replied in a confused tone.

“Um… they look like little metal bow-ties.”

Oooooo! So that’s what these are for!” Pinkie said as she examined one of the metal clips. “I thought they were, like, little bow-ties for robot guinea pigs!”

“I…” Fluttershy trailed off. “Er… I’m actually a little sad I told you what they were really for, now…”

Sunset turned towards the android and chuckled. “Nice one, but I think Twilight wanted you to insult me.”

“Understood. Mother Unit Alpha did not specify. Mother Unit Beta, you only have friends now because Princess Twilight Sparkle thought you looked so pathetic the night all your horrible and morally devoid machinations backfired on you that she personally asked her own friends to tolerate you.”

Again, silence returned to the room like someone repeatedly opening the wrong door as it looked for the bathroom.

“Oh yeah…” Sunset uttered as she placed her right hand on the left side of her chest. “I felt that right in my cockles.”

A heavy frown on her face, Fluttershy walked up to Sunset and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Sunset offered Fluttershy a small smile before her expression fell back into the depths of depression.

“I don’t… I don’t feel any better about myself,” Twilight uttered, her expression matching Sunset’s.

Sunset wrapped an arm around Twilight’s shoulders. “On the bright side, now we both feel bad about ourselves!”

The android smiled. “Mission successful, mother units are no longer stressed.”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Yeah… instead of stressed and angry, they’re just depressed.”

“I’m programmed to take whatever victories I get.”

Rainbow Dash turned towards Sunset and Twilight. “Uh… I hope this isn’t too insensitive to your android’s subroutine program parmesan-meters. But I think your robo-daughter unit needs to have her calculations and alto-rhythms updated.”

Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash in confusion.

Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, stop saying random words you don’t understand to sound smarter.”

Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “Oh yeah? Robo-android-whatever, insult! Now!”

“You being the element of ‘loyalty’ is window dressing to hide the fact you have almost no notable or redeemable qualities.”

Rainbow Dash winced hard. “I meant insult Sunset!”

Sunset held up a hand. “Let’s switch topics before robo-daughter gets asked to insult Fluttershy and we have a major crisis on our hands.”

Fluttershy responded to this with a soft whimper.

Applejack smirked. “Ya mean besides the potential murder mach—Mffff!” Applejack was suddenly cut off as Pinkie’s bandaging reached Applejack’s mouth.

“Thanks, Pinkie,” Sunset said.

“Nurse Pinkie is on the job!” Pinkie replied happily.

Sunset continued. “Plus, she still needs a name…”

“Ivvvfff hvvv a nffmmmm!” Applejack said from behind the gauze around her mouth.

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t quite catch that, AJ.”

Pinkie grinned widely. “She said, ‘Ivvvfff hvvv a nffmmmm!’

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Right, that clears things up.”

Applejack reached up a wrapped hand and pulled down the gauze from in front of her mouth and opened her mouth. “Ah said, ‘I have a name.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Do I even want to know?”

“Crime Against Nature!” Applejack informed.

Sunset raised her fingertips to her forehead. “‘No’. The answer to my question was ‘no’.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Applejack. “We’re not going to call daughter-unit that!”

Applejack smirked. “But we can call her C.A.N. for short! You know, short for Garbage Can!”

Sunset’s face twisted as if she had just smelt something foul. “I’m prepared to make it so you need all those bandages and burn cream Pinkie put on you.”

“Applejack, that’s racist!” Twilight insisted.

“Ah can’t be racist against a machine! It doesn’t have a race!”

Twilight pondered this for a moment. “That might be technically true, but it just makes you sound more racist!”

Sunset looked over at the Android. “Why haven’t you attacked Applejack again, anyway?”

The android turned towards Sunset. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Shall I initiate my savage beating subroutine?”

“Tempting, but I’m actually just wondering why you haven’t responded to the last few things Applejack has said by attacking her.”

“Applejack has not triggered any of my retaliation criteria.”

Sunset frowned. “Uh… Really? Because what she’s said has been pretty demeaning.”

“Ooooooh!” Pinkie piped up. “Maybe she only responds that way if someone specifically mentioned stuff like her being a dumb ol’ robot!” Pinkie immediately let out a sharp shriek of alarm as the android rushed over to pick her up and created a new hole in the wall via throwing Pinkie through it.

Sunset frowned as most everyone rushed over towards Pinkie. “I really should adjust that retaliation routine...”

“I’m okay!” Pinkie said as her hand emerged from the modest pile of rubble. She reached into her hair and pulled out more gauze. “Or rather, I will be!”

Twilight looked at the twin massive holes in the wall. “Man… My parents are not going to be happy about this.”

Sunset put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “You helped made artificial life, Twilight. Somehow I think you have bigger concerns than a couple of holes in your home’s garage.”

“I’m not entirely sure my parents will be surprised by that, honestly.”

Sunset retracted her hand and rubbed her chin a few times. “Hmmm… Robo-daughter, are you programmed for repairs?”

The android nodded. “Affirmative, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset smiled. “Good, could you fix the holes in the wall?”

“Acknowledged. Repair sequence initiated.” The android looked around the room. Walked over towards a roll of duct tape, picked it up, and then walked over towards the first hole she made. She proceeded to run strips of the tape down the entire length of the hole.

Sunset’s eyes began to twitch in irritation. “I’m mad at someone… I’m just not sure who.”

“You know,” Applejack said, “we still need a name for your robomination.”

Twilight shot a glare at Applejack.

“Ah, yes,” Sunset said, “now I remember… And no! We’re not calling her ‘Robomination’.”

“Actually, I was gonna suggest ‘Future Scourge of Humanity’.”

Sunset sneered. “Applejack, you’re banned from attempting to name our robo-daughter!”

“Besides,” Twilight chimed in. “It’s not like she was programmed with some sort of ‘kill all humans’ protocol.”

“Kill all humans protocol initiated,” the android said as she let go of the tape and bent down to pick up a hacksaw in one hand and power drill in the other. A drill which she pumped the trigger of to an accompanying ‘wirrrrr!’

Fluttershy and Rarity uttered shrieks of alarm as they hid behind Sunset and Twilight.

“Huh…” Spike uttered. “Glad, I’m not a human…” he said as he scratched at an ear with a back leg.

“Ah! Stop! Stop!” Sunset exclaimed.

“Disengage protocol!” Twilight said in a panic. “Disengage protocol!”

“Kill all humans protocol disengaged.”

Applejack stared at the android with a startled expression. “Ah thought being right about Murder-bot would feel good… Ah was wrong…”

“Applejack!” Sunset snapped. “You are double-banned from naming Robo-daughter!”

“... Suits me…”

Pinkie raised a bandaged wrapped hand. “Ooo! Ooo! How aboooout… Dusk Shine or Sunset Glare!”

Rainbow Dash considered the suggestions for a moment. “Pinkie, those sound like boys’ names.”

“Okay! Then how about Starlight Glimmer!” Pinkie said with a smile.

Sunset let out a sigh. “Pinkie, you are also banned from naming Robo-daughter.”

“Aw, nerts!”

“How about ‘Dawn’?”

Everyone turned to stare at the small purple-and-green dog that was now standing in the doorway.

Sunset and Twilight paused and put on twin looks of consideration.

“Gasp!” Pinkie exclaimed. “A talking dog!”

“Still not funny, Pinkie,” Rarity replied.

Spike chuckled. “It’s a little funny.”

“Stop encouraging her,” Rarity quipped.

“Erm, Hey, Spike,” Fluttershy greeted. “How long have you been listening in?”

Spike chuckled. “Since before you girls showed up.” He swatted at one his floppy ears. “Dog ears, you know? I just hung back until I figured the dust settled and I wouldn’t accidentally have someone thrown at me.”

“Huh…’Dawn’,” Sunset said. “I like it!”

Twilight smiled and looked down at Spike. “Nice work, Spike!”

Spike grinned. “Heh. I figured my superior canine insights would help!” He quipped before taking a moment to lick the space between his back legs as many of the girls let out sounds of disgust. Spike glanced up from his ‘grooming’. “What?”

Fluttershy giggled, walked over to Spike, and bend down beside him. “Maybe some ‘good job’ scratches are in order.”

Spike chuckled. “Well, I’m certainly not going to say ‘no’ to that,” He said before Fluttershy reached a hand down and began scratching him behind the ears.

“You know,” Rainbow Dash began, “I actually think that just help proves Spike’s point…. I mean… Gotta admit I’m a little jealous of the little guy’s flexibility.”

Sunset fixed Rainbow Dash with a glare. “Rainbow Dash! You’re banned from… something… I don’t know… being weird!”

“Hey, no fair!” Rainbow Dash protested. “You let Pinkie be weird, all the time!”

Pinkie grinned at Rainbow Dash as she wrapped her legs up in gauze. “Yeah, but my shenanigans are cheeky and fun!”

Sunset nodded. “Your shenanigans are gross and kinda skeevy.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Alright, so they’re sexy shenanigans!”

Sunset groaned. “Right, we’ll you’re banned from those for the rest of the day.”

“Ah, man…”

“Now, then…” Sunset turned towards the android. “Uh… Robo-daughter? Please, self-designate as ‘Dawn’.”

Dawn smiled. “Acknowledged, Mother Unit Beta.”

Pinkie tittered as she continued wrapping herself. “She likes it! She likes it!”

“Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Sunset began, “maybe I can get you to call me something other than ‘Mother Unit Beta’.”

“I’m sorry, Mother Unit Beta. Would you perhaps like to choose a different name from the designations I have stored?”

“Finally! Now we’re talking,” Sunset said. “What are my options?”

“A partial list includes the designations ‘Smugset Stinker’, ‘Her Royal Bitchiness’, and ‘The Baconator’.”

Spike began to pant excitedly. “I vote for ‘The Baconator!’”

Sunset felt a heavy frown began to weigh on her face. “I thought you weren’t programmed with any preset insults.”

“Affirmative.”

“Okay… Then why are those the names available to me?”

Dawn regarded Sunset with confusion. “Those are the other designations that were programmed into me during my creation.”

Sunset turned and glared at Twilight who simply responded with a snicker. “Oookay…” Sunset growled out. “Well can you accept additional designations?”

“Yes, but only from Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight let out a laugh.

Sunset turned and shot one last glare at Twilight. “You’re just lucky I pretty much deserve this at this point…”

Dawn continued, “I have additional names, most of which seem to play on your given name, Mother Unit Beta.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “If you know my given name, can’t you just use that? Or like… just call me ‘mom’?”

Dawn shook her head. “Neither of those options are listed as viable alternative designations. However, I can go through the list of available designations that are similar to your given name. Warning: Please remove any small children, impressionable teens, or easily offended or upset adults from the premises before confirming request.”

Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity all sighed and turned towards the door.

“You know what?” Sunset said. “I guess I’ll just put up with ‘Mother Unit Beta’ for the time being…”

“Er,” Fluttershy interjected, “or you can just ask Twilight to change it?”

“Naw,” Sunset said dismissively, “again… I kinda deserve it.”

“… You really think so?” Fluttershy asked.

Sunset turned towards Dawn. “Hey, Dawn.”

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

“You’re ugly and annoying.”

Again, a series of gasps went up around the room.

Dawn let out a melodic laugh. “Oh, Mother Unit Beta! Stop!” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “There are friend units present!”

“Hey!” Twilight protested. “Stop telling Dawn she’s ugly and annoying as a bizarre way to curry favor with her!”

Dawn puffed out her lower lip. “I… I am sorry you find me visually unappealing and unpleasant to be around, Mother Unit Alpha.”

“What?! I didn’t say anything like that!”

Dawn opened her mouth and the phrase “…Dawn she’s ugly and annoying… ” was repeated in Twilight’s voice.

Twilight directed a frustrated roar at the ceiling.

Sunset motioned towards Dawn and Twilight.

“I, erm, see your point,” Fluttershy said.

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out. She smiled at Dawn. “I’m sorry I said those mean things about you, Dawn. I didn’t mean it…” Twilight shot Sunset a quick glare. “Really, I didn’t mean it.” She turned back towards Dawn. “Maybe I can make it up to you by helping sort out a room for you?”

Dawn’s face lit up into a smile once more. “That would be most appreciated, Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight nodded then turned towards Sunset. “Okay… but then what?”

Sunset sighed. “I don’t know. I guess we keep her out of sight for a little while? At least until we figure out a plan…”

A morose smile appeared on Twilight’s face. “I guess we don’t know if the world is ready for androids…”

Dawn sniffled and gave Twilight a sad look. “Are you ashamed of me, Mother Unit Alpha?”

Twilight’s brow crinkled. “No,” she answered as she looked at Sunset with a look of contemplative violence.

Sunset smirked. “If you want to take a swing at me, I’ll understand.”

Twilight sighed. “Violence isn’t really my thing… Dawn, please punch Mother Unit Beta in the arm.”

Sunset’s smile dropped. “Hey, wai—”

“Arm punching protocols activated.”

‘Pow!’

“Owwwww!” Sunset exclaimed as she rubbed her freshly punched arm. “Owie… Owie… Ow!” She began to talk through gritted teeth. “Nice swing, Dawn.”

“Thank you, Mother Unit Beta.”

“Ow, though!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Great… We’re just gonna have the violent robot sit in her room for a while so she can scheme to take out humanity.”

Dawn shook her head. “That is untrue. I am only programmed to formulate a plan to kill everyone I meet and have yet to be introduced to every human on the planet.”

Everyone turned to glare at Sunset, who grinned sheepishly in response.

“Uh… Oops?” Sunset offered.

“You know… Applejack has a point.”

Sunset and Twilight turned towards Rainbow Dash with a scowl and saddened look respectively.

“Hah!” Applejack exclaimed. “See! Rainbow Dash agrees with me!”

With a simmering expression, Sunset grumbled out, “And this is why Dawn made that ‘loyalty’ crack.”

Rainbow Dash raised her hands in front of her defensively. “Hear me out… I mean, look… there are a ton of movies dealing with the whole A.I. thing and a lot of them end kinda bad for everyone involved.”

Sunset raised fingertips to her forehead. “I don’t believe this,” she grumbled.

“Well, she’s not exactly wrong,” Twilight said.

Sunset’s forehead wrinkled in surprise and annoyance as she turned towards Twilight. “Don’t tell me you’re buying all this crud about movies!”

The left side of Twilight’s lips pulled her mouth into a frown. “Well, even if they are made for entertainment purposes, they also are designed to show the potential pitfalls of creating something that can think for itself…” Twilight leaned in close to Sunset. “… and it doesn’t look like we built in any fail-safes to make sure Dawn doesn’t hurt anyone… In fact, it quite seems the opposite.”

“Okay, but those have all been pretty funny… in hindsight,” Sunset countered.

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “I’m not sure if we really should be encouraging such behavior.”

Dawn began to sniffle once more. “I just want to state that my audible receivers are far more efficient than human ears, and also that I’m going to my room so Mother Unit Alpha can simply openly complain about my actions to Mother Unit Beta and all her friend units!” she announced dramatically before turning and running out the door again.

Twilight let out an exasperated sigh.

“Wow,” Sunset uttered, “this must be what it was like to have me as a daughter…”

“And yet I’m the one who has to deal with it,” Twilight grumbled.

Sunset shrugged. “Eh, she’ll be back.” She sighed. “Anyways, please continue, Rainbow Dash.”

“Hey!” Applejack said. “Why does Rainbow Dash get to voice her concerns over the homicidal death bot?”

Rainbow Dash smirked. “I think you just answered your own question, AJ.”

Rarity nodded. “You voicing your misgivings is starting to get a bit tedious, dear.”

“Also,” Fluttershy piped up, “her name is Dawn.”

“See!” Sunset said. “Even Fluttershy is getting sick of your griping!”

“Fine…” Applejack growled out. “Jus’ don’t come cryin’ to me when we’re all hooked up to big, scary tentacle robots as a power source…”

“Anyways,” Rainbow Dash continued, “movies with robots seem to go one or two ways… Either they learn to hate humans or learn to love them.”

Silence once again tiptoed into the room. Silence Sunset Shimmer viciously attacked with a sledgehammer. “Rainbow, if you suggest we need to teach our daughter ‘how to love’ I swear I’ll have you maimed… by someone other than Dawn as to not help prove anyone’s point.”

“I wasn’t!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “I mean… Kinda wasn’t.”

Rainbow…” Sunset growled out. “Your ban is still in effect!”

“I was just going to say that if you want Dawn to learn to love humans and not start a robot apocalypse you should let her be one. You know… do regular human stuff.”

Everyone silently stared at Rainbow Dash.

“Er…” Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head. “I mean… just spit-ballin' here…”

Twilight smiled.

“Wow! Great idea, Rainbow!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“Yeah, way to go!” Spike barked out.

Rainbow Dash sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “Heh… You all really think so?”

“Why, it’s a capital idea!” Rarity declared.

“Mummmfff! Mmmmm! Mmmmhmmmm!” A completely wrapped Pinkie said.

Applejack cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie Pie. “Uh… Anyone else wondering how Pinkie managed to wrap herself from hair to toe?”

“Don’t change the subject!” Sunset hissed out. “Look, are you on board with helping Dawn integrate or not?”

Applejack let out a grunt. “Someone has to be the voice of reason.”

Twilight’s smile grew.

“Okay, but no more murder-bot cracks!” Sunset insisted.

“What if she actually kills someone?” Applejack asked.

“Doesn’t matter!” Rainbow Dash said as she walked over to Applejack and leaned an elbow on her shoulder. “If I learned anything from movies… and really, aside from Danger-Do books, I’ve learned everything from movies, if Dawn does go kill-crazy, she’s going to start with you ‘cause you’re the one who suspects her the most.”

Applejack’s face went as sour as if she had just taken a bite into a granny smith. “Ah hate how much that makes sense to me.”

Sunset smiled at Rainbow Dash. “That is a really good idea! I’m surprised it came from you.”

“Thanks, Sunset! I-Hey! Wait-a-minute…!”

Dawn ran back into the room, her expression a mix of embarrassment and exasperation. “Please input room parameters,” she intoned, clearly annoyed.

“Good news, Dawn!” Sunset said in an excited tone.

“Yes, Mother Unit Beta?”

“You’re going to high school!”

“… Mother Unit Beta, I believe you’re suffering database corruption as you just suggested going to ‘High School’ as a positive thing.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Yeah, we want her to learn to love humanity! Not come up with more reasons to destroy it!”

“Quiet, you!” Sunset demanded.

Twilight smiled at Dawn. “Don’t worry… I know that High School can seem boring and tedious… pointless even! A complete, absolute, waste of time!”

“Uh, Twilight?” Sunset said.

Twilight continued. “I mean… You likely have the entire wealth of human knowledge at your beck and call! What can you possibly learn in school?!”

“Twilight!” Sunset said more forcefully.

“Just… hours of your days spent listening to teachers that you know you’re smarter than! And don’t get me started on the constant fear of being judged by your peers!

“Twilight!” Sunset yelled. “We’re trying to sell Dawn on the idea of going to school! Not give her more ammunition to hate the idea!”

“Oh, right… umm…” Twilight smiled at Dawn. “Your parent units will be there!” she said cheerfully.

“Processing…” Dawn said. Her sky-blue eyes flashed for a moment. “I have calculated that this fact likely makes things worse.”

Sunset and Twilight winced.

Sunset thought for a moment. “Just think about it as a chance for you to observe more humans.”

Dawn nodded. “So I can develop more plans to dispose of them individually. Brilliant suggestion, Mother Unit Beta.”

“Er… Maybe play that close to the vest,” Sunset said as she ignored a smug grin from Applejack. “Think of it more to practice integrating into human society.”

“Processing… This suggestion is acceptable.”

Fluttershy grinned sheepishly. Uh… Maybe it’ll help if she stops saying stuff like ‘processing’.”

Rainbow Dash piped up, “Or we can just say she’s related to Twilight… I mean… that’s pretty much true and means most people would probably overlook any egghead weirdness.”

Fluttershy smiled. “That could work!”

Twilight walked over and placed a hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “Okay, but, uh, if you see someone you like, you know… like someone older or an upperclassman, and er… you start to feel jealous of other people talking to him, please talk your feelings out with Sunset or me before killing off any potential rivals for their affection.”

“Technically almost all humans on this planet are older than me, Mother Unit Alpha.”

Twilight nodded. “All the more reason to talk to your Mother Units about these feelings.”

Dawn nodded. “I have added the appropriate directive into my programming.”

Twilight smiled. “Good!” Twilight glanced around and noted she was now the receiver of many concerned looks. “Uh… please tell me I’m not the only one who’s played Yandere Simulator.”

Twilight’s question was met with silence.

“Okay… Just me then…”

Sunset shot Twilight an unsure smile. “We should maybe talk about your taste in video games… You know… for friendship reasons.”

Twilight sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. “I guess video games have sort of taken the place of social interactions for a few years…”

“Hey!” Spike protested. “You’ve always had me!”

Rarity tittered. “Considering you only recently have been able to talk, I don’t think that counts, darling.”

Fluttershy shot Rarity an incredulous look and bent down to cover Spike’s ears. “Don’t listen to her! She doesn't understand.”

“Uhhh… Could we refocus a bit, please?” Sunset asked.

Applejack piped up. “Well, to call a spade a spade, or a robot a robot in this case—”

“Maiming…” Sunset hissed out in a warning tone.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Ah was jus’ gonna point out that ‘Dawn’ doesn’t exactly look human.”

Sunset pursed her lips. “Okay… That’s actually a good point, but you’re still on short notice for how you said Dawn’s name.”

“Hey! Ah at least used its name.”

“Er, yes…” Fluttershy said. “But, well, you kinda had a tone…”

Sunset grunted in displeasure. “And you just called her ‘it’.”

“Ugh…” Applejack uttered. “Jus’ because Ah said Ah’d participate in this cockamamy scheme doesn’t mean Ah have to have a good attitude about it.”

Sunset stared up towards the ceiling and considered this for a moment. “Okay, yeah… I can’t really fault you for that.”

Rarity squinted and approached Dawn with a “Hmmm…” She smiled. “Well, a little makeup, some contacts, and perhaps an ensemble that hides her various uh… robot-cracks—”

Rainbow Dash snickered.

“Still banned!” Sunset reminded.

“—I do believe I can get her to pass for human unless she’s heavily scrutinized.”

“Er, okay,” Spike interjected, “but what about her smell? I mean… she doesn’t smell human.”

“Leave that to me!” Rainbow Dash said in an energetic tone.

No!” came the overwhelming response from the others present.

“That’s it!” Sunset declared. “Rainbow Dash, go sit in the corner!”

“Ah, man…” Rainbow Dash said as she turned and obediently walked over to a corner, practically sticking her nose to the wall.

Fluttershy grinned down at Spike. “Humans don’t have the developed sense of smell dogs do… I’m sure a light spritz of perfume will help for the most part…”

“Alright,” Applejack said, “but how are y'all gonna get Dawn enrolled in school?”

A demonic smile slid across Sunset’s face. “Leave that to me…”

-~oo~The Next Day~oo~-

‘Knock, knock!’

“Come in!” Principal Celestia said as she peered past the microphone sitting on her desk to look at the metal light blue door of her office.

Sunset Shimmer walked in followed by a clearly nervous Twilight Sparkle. “Hey, Principal Celestia!” Sunset said. “Look… I have a potential student who just showed up under mysterious circumstances and was wondering if she could enroll here at Canterlot High.”

Celestia frowned slightly. “Is she a teenager?”

“She looks like a teenager!” Sunset replied.

The sides of Celestia’s lips began to rise like the morning sun. “Sounds good to me!”

Next Chapter: Like a body it's reassembled from various pieces, it lives! Estimated time remaining: 43 Minutes
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