The ever-watchful gaze of the sun goddess spanned across Canterlot, penetrating yet unintruding. Her ethereal hair flowed elegantly as she beheld her beloved city, thankfully perceiving no threats.

Celestia smiled to herself as she felt the familiar, cooling touch of her sister’s mind.

“Sister,” Luna called out to her using their mental link, “join your eyes with mine, and behold a most wonderful sight!”

Celestia obliged her unusually giddy sister, chuckling as her vision swam to match Luna’s. “Alright, Luna, what is it that holds your interest so m—LUNA!”

The moon goddess giggled mischievously while her sister gaped into the porcelain room in shock. “Yes, Tia?” She nibbled on her own finger in appreciation of the sight.

“This is an utmost invasion of privacy! You should be ashamed of spying on your own pupil while he bathes!”

Luna’s posture slumped as she twiddled her fingers, upset at being scolded. “So, you just want me to end it?”

Celestia snorted. “Heavens no! I just wanted you to know that you were in the wrong!” She turned her eyes back to the unaware teenager in the shower. “I've done my part.”

“So there I am, fucking the absolute shit out of this succubus’s mouth, when I think to myself, ‘Wait a minute, Rainbow Dash, haven’t you been awake for 50 hours at that marathon orgy? Isn’t that when the hallucinations start?’”

Spike and Scootaloo stared wide-eyed at the prismatic woman, totally engulfed in her tale.

“And?” Scootaloo asked. “What happened next?”

Dash chuckled, milking the younger girl for all she was worth. “Turns out I was just tripping on exhaustion and endorphins. I’ve never even seen a succubus!”

The three of them laughed together from their table in the bar, the events of the past ten minutes nearly forgotten.

Rainbow Dash sighed happily as she wiped a gleeful tear from her eye. “And that’s how I met Applejack.”

Spike nearly choked on his drink. “You mean to tell me that you met one of your best friends by mouth-raping her at an orgy?!”

Dash snorted. “Pfft, no! Somehow I managed to sprint all the way to Sweet Apple Acres, break in through Applejack’s window, and overpower her in the middle of the night.”

Scootaloo’s face screwed up in confusion. “Wait, isn’t that illegal?”

The unabashed woman kicked her feet up on the table, taking a swig from her beer. “Seeing as how she didn’t let me leave until she finished, I don’t think so.”

Spike was still bug-eyed, processing this new information.

“You’re crazy,” he finally stated. “You’re a psychopathic nympho with a loose grip on reality.”

Dash simmered at the insult. “Rainbowner,” she reminded him.

Spike said nothing, but glared at the athletic woman from across the table.

Dash looked over to the other member of their group. “Speaking of anal intrusion, how old are you, Scoots?”

After watching the young green-haired man finish his shower, and, to her great entertainment, subject Twilight Sparkle to a fair amount of well-deserved teasing, Celestia severed the vision. “So?” inquired her younger sister. “He has quite the noble heart, he is intelligent, and I can tell that his magic soon will be something to reckon with.” The moon goddess was now off to her sister’s side, casually stroking her chin. “I firmly believe that he is a Sparkle in all but blood. Do you not agree, dear sister?”

Dear me, thought the matriarchal figure, for Twilight’s sake, I certainly hope he isn't.

“Why do you withhold your thoughts, sister? He is quite the catch, yes?”

Celestia could only nod in affirmation. But inside, her stomach tumultuously churned, and her thoughts danced maddeningly.

Like fire.

As if walking in on her little sister in the middle of a threesome wasn’t scarring enough, Applejack found her day getting progressively worse when she stumbled upon Cheerilee and her older brother going at it.

After giving Mac a thorough tongue-lashing, she sent him and Apple Bloom to their respective rooms. She turned to the guilty-looking teacher, and steeled herself for the talk to come.

“Cheerilee, look, Ah know you have a long history with our family ‘n all, so Ah won’t kick your teeth in or nothin’.”

Cheerilee winced.

“See, Ah understand that with how much work ya put inta your job, and how motherly you can get ta feelin’, havin’ a personal life can be nigh impossible.” Applejack circled around the table, sitting down next to the magenta-haired woman on the couch.

“This just ain’t the way ta do it, sugar.” The buxom blonde farmer’s hand rubbed the back of Cheerilee’s back comfortingly, making the smaller woman feel less intimidated.

“Ah know Mac can be enticin’ to gals like you, what with how he looks like a southern Atlas when the sun hits his glistening pecs just right—”

The hell?! Cheerilee thought to herself.

“—but that don’t mean it’s right an’ proper to swoop in on tha farm and jump on my brother when no one’s around.”

“I-I understand, Applejack,” stammered the shrinking schoolteacher, subtly trying to inch away from the woman who was far inside her comfort zone.

“Seein’ as how Ah’m such a generous soul, and how you left my sister alone so she could get her hands on her crush,” Applejack’s grip tightened around her shoulder, “Ah’ll give you a choice: we can do this the easy way, or the kinky way.”

Cheerilee blinked at the bait-and-switch response. “I’m sorry?”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed. “You heard me, sugar.”

She meep’ed, trying to think of something to say to pacify the farmer. “W-which one is faster?”

“Kinky,” Came her immediate reply.

“Uh, okay?” She swallowed, resigning herself to her fate.

Applejack nodded. “These,” she said, pointing to Cheerilee’s chest, “and this,” running her hand along her bottom, “are mine.”

The poor schoolteacher nearly fainted.

“Aren’t you going to jump at me too?”

To break the awkward silence that had sprung up when the prismatic-haired hellion had left to go to the bathroom—“I gotta piss like a racehorse, don’t you two lovebirds run out on me,”—Spike decided to address the elephant in the room.

Scootaloo raised her eyes as she sipped from her cola. “I wasn’t planning on it, actually.” She lazily draped her foot over his lap as she grinned. “What’s the matter, stud? Got a hankerin’ for your old pal Scoots?”

Spike shook his head, somewhat relieved. “No, that’s not it.”

She pressed on regardless. “You sure? Because I always roll with my Scootalube, just in case.”

You can’t be serious. “Don’t tell me that you’re risking our country’s future on the chance that you may or may not,” he shuddered at the word, “procreate?”

Waving off the insult, Scootaloo clarified. “No, no, I haven’t actually done anything yet, just that I want to be prepared. You know, in the very likely situation that someone gets the urge to scoot in my loo.”

Spike resisted the urge to facepalm, muttering something about ‘freaking women’ under his breath.

“So what’s your deal, Spike? Considering you just got to drill my childhood hero with your Scootatube—”

“I swear to Celestia—”

“—your night should be going pretty well so far,” she finished, not missing a beat.

Spike grumbled, before deciding that the small purple-haired girl, while annoying, was better company than nothing. Or worse, he inwardly winced, one of those harpies that kept eyeing him from across the bar. Several of them had stark white hair, with fierce makeup around their eyes.

They reeked of trouble.

He turned his attention back to the girl sharing his booth. “Listen, Scootaloo, can I tell you something, and you not say anything stupid?”

“I make no promises,” she said solemnly, holding a hand to her chest.

He sighed, running a hand through his stiff green hair as he tried to gather his words. “Back when I was a kid, in Canterlot, I—” he hesitated, trying to convey his thoughts, “I had this…idea, of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be this strong, handsome guy who was smart and didn’t treat people differently just because of what they looked like or how they thought.”

The shorter girl took notice of his curved ears and longer-than-normal teeth.

“I thought that if I had stuff like that, then maybe people would like me, and, I dunno, maybe then Twilight wouldn’t have a choice but to make some new friends, and we wouldn’t have to be alone so much.”

He smiled nostalgically as he recalled his childhood, unaware of Scootaloo scooting closer to him.

“And when we moved here, and we met all these wonderful people, I was so happy because Twilight wasn’t alone anymore, and she was making some friends.”

His smile slowly straightened. “But I…wasn’t.” He swirled his drink and stretched one arm onto the top of the worn leather of the seat. “Fast forward three years, and Twilight’s lying to me about going on a mission for the Princess so she and her friends can go see the Wonderbolts, and Pinkie Pie herself forgets my birthday and throws one for her friends instead.”

He snorted, not caring how whiney he sounded to the girl next to him. “Hell, Rarity even stopped calling me ‘Spikey Wikey’ after my twelfth birthday.”

He sipped his Manhattan, muttering, “One good-looking customer and you’re nothing but a problem. Tch.”

“I don’t get it,” chirped Scootaloo, who had somehow managed to worm her way onto his lap without him noticing. “You’re strong, you’re definitely not lacking in the looks department, and you’ve got these women practically begging you to pump them full of your Scootagoo. I mean, sure, you kinda got screwed over by your friends, but what’s not working out for you?”

Spike scoffed, taking another sip of his drink. “That whole ‘not judging people by how they look’ thing? Doesn’t apply to me, apparently.”

Scootaloo’s next response was interrupted by the sound of doors crashing open, followed by a familiar rainbow-haired woman flying across the bar and onto their table.

“Rainbow Dash!” Her number one fangirl immediately sprung to her feet, grabbing her moaning idol by the shoulders. “Who did this to you? What happened?!”

Spike flinched as he saw the white-haired women from earlier slowly get up and approach their table.

Along with an unfortunately familiar face.

Rainbow Dash coughed messily, wiping off a thin stream of blood onto her leather sleeves.

“Gilda mother-fucking Griffin happened.”

“Okay, okay,” choked Twilight, trying not to laugh, “I’ve got one: what did the English teacher say when she found that her student recorded on paper exactly what the teacher said, and how she said it?”

Sweetie Belle and Rarity waited in rapt attention.

“She said, ‘You make me sic!’” The awkward librarian slapped her knee heartily as she doubled over from the hilarity of her own joke.

“Ha ha ha ha!” Rarity and Sweetie Belle laughed fakely, not really understanding—or caring about, for that matter—any of Twilight’s attempts at wordplay.

“On a completely unrelated note, I do believe that I need to freshen up before bed, Twilight dear.” Rarity made a show of stretching before she got up, angling herself towards the bathroom. “But please, don’t let my absence stop you; I’m positive Sweetie Belle would be ever so grateful if you would bequeath to her some of your absolutely darling witticisms.”

I love you dearly, Sweetie Belle, but it’s time you took one for the team.

“Oh! What should we do while you’re gone, Rarity? Practice kissing like you taught me?”

Screw that, skank. It’ll be a cold day in Tartarus before you throw me under the bus like that.

Twilight gaped as she looked at Rarity accusingly, the pale-skinned fashionista visibly twitching.

“Oh ha ha, Sweetie Belle, you adorable little devil. Always the jokester—”

But having learned well, the younger sister quickly made to undermine the elder’s credibility. “Rarity has a wide-on for Celestia!”

Twilight gasped as she covered her mouth, while Rarity fumed indignantly at her treacherous little sister. “That’s a lie and you know it!”

“Oh Celestia,” mocked Sweetie Belle, doing fairly accurate impersonation of her older sister, “I come to you as but a humble suppliant begging to partake in your Royal relations!”

Sweetie Belle’s hands roamed down her sides in an all-too interesting manner. “I beg of you, my dearest Princess, grace my lowly body with your divine caress!”

Twilight shook her head, aware of the fact that she was staring at Rarity’s younger sister. “She, uh, does a good impression of you, Rarity. You sure that—”

“Positive,” she growled.

Stomping up the steps angrily, Rarity made a mental note to cut up Sweetie Belle’s dresses.

“And here I was thinking that I was down on my luck.”

Gilda cracked her knuckles as she stomped towards their table, tossing aside her aviator jacket, revealing a fairly muscular build covered only a dark grey muscle shirt and a training bra.

Spike had to remind himself not to drool over the woman that was inevitably about to kick their collective asses.

“Unfortunately,” she continued, “I’m involved with someone at the moment—”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Who, Jill?”

Gilda only grinned. “—so instead of fucking your legs off like I usually would, I’ll have to settle for beating your ass into the pavement while my girls give your boy toy the once over.”

“Hey!” yelled Scootaloo, angry at being ignored.

“Fine,” Gilda casually remarked. “I guess we can ravish the groupie, too.”

"Booyah!" yelled Scootaloo, pleased at being included.

The patrons of the bar gathered around to view the brawl about to happen, some letting out whoops of excitement.

“Spike,” Rainbow Dash rasped as her old friend held her up by her collar, “think you can take these guys in a fight?”

Spike shrunk backwards at the three hungry looking women who were advancing toward him.

“I can’t fight girls, Rainbow Dash!” Spike gulped as they got closer. “They’re squishy…”

“You shouldn’t have any trouble fighting bitches, then,” she snarked.

Gilda snarled as she pulled back a fist. “Watch what you say about my girls, loser—”

She flinched as she felt a sudden draft on her chest. “What the—where did my shirt go?”

Rainbow Dash laughed as she tore Gilda’s muscle shirt in two. “Classic.”

“You little sh—” But she was interrupted as Dash clenched her hands around the back of her head, bringing the white-haired vixen in close for a fierce headbutt.

Gilda’s grip loosened momentarily, long enough for Rainbow Dash to drop down to her feet.

Dash grinned as she lashed out with a kick, knocking the taller woman back onto a table. The crowd cheered as she pounced on the now half-naked Gilda, pinning her wrists to the table.

She whipped her hair out of her face, smirking down at her once-friend.

“Glad I ran into you, Gils. It’s about time we had this out.”

Despite her size, Gilda struggled beneath the shorter woman. “What are you planning to do, Dash? Fuck me or punch my lights out?”

“Probably both.”

To the roars of the crowd, Rainbow Dash lashed out against her old friend, while her friends stood off to the side, before being dragged out of the bar.

Rarity stepped out of the shower, clad only in a towel. Humming softly to herself, she stepped softly in her room.

I know I put my night gown somewhere around here…

She rummaged around her satchel, flinching slightly when her hand brushed against a smooth, hard surface. She gasped when her eyes caught sight of a flawless sapphire spilling out of Spike’s bag.

Is that…

Rarity gaped as she realized that the same gem she had given to Spike nearly seven years ago had dropped out of his bag. Her eyes began to water.

After all this time, he still kept this?

She leant back, suddenly dizzy.

And after how we kept trying to get in his pants as soon as we saw him after four years? This is too much, oh dear, this is too much!

She started as the door to the loft creaked open, settling down once she realized it was just Sweetie Belle.

“Are you mad at me?” she squeaked.

Rarity sighed, pushing her hair from out of her face. “No, dearest, I’m not mad at you.”

Still going to cut up your dresses, but what are you going to do?

She patted the bed next to her, signaling for her younger sister to sit down. “It’s about time for you to go to bed, Sweetie.” She smiled gently as Sweetie Belle disrobed, getting underneath the covers. “Here, let me sing you your favorite lullaby.”

Sweetie Belle smiled as Rarity softly sang for her, her eyelids slowly drooping with every note.

My clothes aren’t the only things made of velvet, after all.

The younger woman was asleep before the song was over.

“You’re…you’re a monster!” gasped one of the white-haired girls, resting against the brick wall of the bar’s alley. She panted as sweat and cum streaked down her thighs. “No one should last that long!”

Spike barked a laugh as he took another drag from his cigarette. “You know, a couple of days ago, I would’ve thought the same thing.” He exhaled a cloud of smoke. “Amazing what a couple of days of constant rutting will do to you, huh?”

He looked at the rolled up paper in his hand. “Now where did I get this cigarette?”

Spike shrugged, turning to address one of the other girls in the alley. “Avis, ass up.”

The woman in question shuffled over, turning around slightly so that her thighs were facing the young man. Spike drew his cigarette from his mouth, snuffing it out on the muscular girl’s rear.

He raised an eyebrow as Avis moaned in delight at the pain she felt.

“Scoots, give Avis a once-over, and don’t be too gentle about it. Ix-nay on the Scootalube.”

The purple-haired midget cheered as she jumped on the naked young woman, pinching her nipples harshly and biting her on the neck.

Spike laughed at the display, pulling his pants back up as he gazed upon his handiwork.

“You three can’t fight for crap, you don’t last long on your backs, and your head game could use some work. I can’t believe Gilda runs with you clowns.”

He felt a shiver run down his spine, but when he turned around, he only caught a shock of red hair disappearing into the bar.

He paused in his taunting. Why do I smell brimstone?

The girl leaning against the wall growled at his insults, brushing the hair out of her face before replying. “You may be stronger than you look, I’ll give you that. But you wouldn’t last a minute against Gilda, little man.” She snorted. “Hell, you couldn’t even take her boyfriend.”

Spike raised his eyebrow in incredulity. “What makes you think so?”

The girl smirked, regaining some of her former cockiness. “Because he’s much better than you could ever hope to be. He’s strong, gorgeous, and he’s part dragon.”

Spike blanched.

“As a matter of fact, he was supposed to meet us here tonight.”

“Scootaloo,” he said, catching the young girl’s attention, “go get Rainbow Dash.”