Author's Notes:

A bit of a shorter chapter. Also a little more action oriented this chapter. Also a little dark and sad near the end, but don't worry. It'll get back to the fun stuff.

Shit! Dodge Idiot, Dodge!

I yelped as I leaped out of the way, only for the gray wrecking ball of rage to fly past me. She collided with my house hard enough for the black substance, whatever it was, to crack. My head swam as if I'd just been hit in the head with a baseball bat. Also, my ears were ringing. Joy! I staggered away and barely looked back in time to see Derpy kick off the wall with a visible shockwave to take another flying swing at me.

Suddenly music erupted into the air. For the second time that day, I heard Leviathan. I really didn't have time to contemplate why I was hearing it, due to only narrowly dodging Derpy's second attempt at hitting me. She sailed past me and went through the wall of the library, just to the left of the front door, with a resounding crash.

Everypony was staring at me, only occasionally glancing at the hole Derpy made. I looked over at Lyra. "What the FUCK did you say to her?!" I snapped, every so often glancing at the hole in case Derpy erupted out of it.

"I was trying to tell her about Dinky and My first meeting with you at the same time... and I... accidentally may have switched around a thing or two..." Lyra said weakly rubbing the back of her head with a forehoof. "What's that music by the way? Did you hijack a Harmony Song?"

"I have no idea, and I didn't know that Harmony Songs were a thing. The first time I heard this Arthur got in a knock-down-drag-out with a giant tentacled monster. The monster DIED by the way! Arthur knocked out a tooth that got compressed into a dagger if I remem-" I got cut off as I got shoulder-checked by Derpy. Which sent me sailing through the air, to slam into my house. The weird thing, it actually hurt! A lot! I think I heard a few ribs break. Yet I also felt them weaving back together as I slid to the ground gasping for air.

"Oh... she caught you monologging..." Lyra hissed.

"Dad run! She'll tire herself out!" Dinky cried. glancing over I saw all the ponies had huddled together, Dinky's head was poking out from between Lyra's forelegs.

I listened to the wise little filly. I got to my feet, hearing more pops and cracks than I was comfortable with, and once again yelped in surprise. For the third consecutive time in a row, I narrowly avoided Derpy as her hoof went right past my head, and impacted the apartment behind me. Not only did it crack the black stony substance, but my ears began ringing again! Now I know that the apartment and I are connected somehow, but I should really worry about that later.

I pushed away from the wall, going around Derpy because her hoof got stuck in the wall. "You get back here!" She snapped, tugging at her hoof and giving me brief twinges of headaches. I then proceeded to haul ass down the road, away from the furious gray pegasus. However I could tell, with a final painful twinge, that Derpy had pulled herself free. As I ran, the music changed. I would've laughed, were it not for the fact that I could feel Derpy coming after me. What had Lyra said?

It didn't take long, I honestly didn't know how fast I was running, to more from the residential area of Ponyville into the market. Ponies immediately scattered the moment they saw me. Screaming things like. "Celestia what is that!?" and "The Horror! The Horror!" I heard the buzz of static and Eldritch-Lyra was next to me. Flying.... Somehow.

"Hey boss." Lyra commented nonchalantly, effortlessly floating next to me like it was no big deal.

"Lyra, are you flying?" I asked while weaving in and out of stalls and booths. I heard said stalls and booths explode as Derpy went right through them. Man, that would be so awesome to see. Shut up! Keep running!

Lyra almost lazily looked down. "Yeah."

"How!?" I snapped.

"Idunknow." She shrugged. "I just can."

"Lord, you're like a mini-Discord." I groaned.

"A mini-what?" All of her eyes blinked in confusion. "Anyway, sorry about this."

"Eh, I can't be mad at you. With the way the day's been going so far, I'm not surprised it happened." I sighed, briefly ducking behind a stall when I couldn't hear Derpy's path of destruction. Lyra joined me, floating a foot or two above the ground with her forelegs crossed.

"Awww, thanks boss." She hugging me with all eight of her limbs. Octo-Lyra-pus?

"You're welcome." I ruffled her mane. "So, what are we going to do about Derpy?"

"Hmmm, you could always fight her." Lyra tapped her chin in thought with a hoof that had sprouted a lamprey-like maw filled with rows of teeth.

"I'm not going to hit Derpy! She's adorable!" I flailed my arms and tentacles wildly. "Plus she female! Hitting her would be sexist!"

"Wouldn't it be more sexist not to hit her?" Lyra cocked her head to the side all her eyes looking mischievous.

"I'm not hitting her! You're my Herald! You hit her!" I snapped pointing at her.

"I'm not taking away aggro from that." Lyra shook her head. "This is your boss fight."

"Once again, you are my Herald. If it's my boss fight, it's your boss fight too." I pointed out.

She opened her mouth to respond but no sound came out. She deflated, floating to the ground with a wumph. "Damn, you're right."

I nodded, then my face fell. "Lyra.... have you noticed how quiet it's been?"

"....yeeeaaaah.... That's not a good sign..." Lyra visibly shivered, glancing around nervously.

Suddenly the stall behind us exploded. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as Derpy burst through the wood and cloth like a chest burster. The world seemed to lose color, everything fading to shades of gray. Slowly the color faded to black, leaving Derpy as the only thing illuminated. I could see every bead of sweat on her body, every line in her rage-etched face. For some reason the kanji for Death had erupted in red behind her, as her forehoof achingly slowly came towards my face.

And that Dinky.... is how I met your mother...

The hoof made contact at the bridge between my eye and my face tentacles. I felt the shockwave of the impact ripple through my head only briefly, before my vision was filled with stars and my everything erupted in pain. I vaguely got the feeling of flying through the air, and equally vaguely had the feeling of going through a rather thick wall. I heard a feminine scream. Only it sounded like it was far away... or under water. I groaned and blearily blinked away the stars. I was in an office. Looking to my left I was it was Mayor Mare's office, due to the fact that Mayor Mare was cowering behind her desk.

Derpy had punched me all the way to the center of town. Go Derpy. Yay.....

I sat up with an audible groan as I heard the flapping of wings. Looking over revealed Derpy hovering just outside the hole, still looking furious. "How dare you touch my daughter!" She hissed, slowly hovering closer to me.

"What... I didn't..." I stammered, pushing myself to my feet, and staggering slightly.

"Lyra told me what you did!" She roared at me.

"I.... didn't do anything... to Dinky..." I tried to shake the stunned feel out of my head.

She was inches from me when my left knee decided to say "fuck it, I'm done" and crumpled. I reached out and brushed against Derpy. My eye went wide as my mind was flooded with one image.

Dinky cowering against a wall, shuddering and crying. A thin black silhouette with writhing tentacles loomed over her.

I recoiled hard enough to fall back into the pile of wall remains behind me. I felt tears sting my eye as they flowed down my face and dripped from my tentacles. "Oh God! Oh Jesus! I would never- No! No no no no no! I-I d-didn't-" I gagged but my stomach was empty. Good thing I didn't eat breakfast.

"Mom! Stop!" I heard Dinky cry out. "Don't you hurt Daddy!"

Blinked through tears I saw Dinky to my left with Eldritch-Lyra behind her. Good on you Lyra.... You got backup... If you'd only got her a minute or two earlier.

"Dinky get away from-" Derpy cried as Dinky ran in front of me to stand between her mother and I. "Wait... did you call him daddy?" Derpy blinked, rage gone, replaced by confusion.

"Daddy didn't do anything to me!" Dinky cried flailing her forehooves. "I brought him muffins, we looked at his house, we argued with Twilight Sparkle, He let me in his apartment, I played his PS4, and we hung out with Button and Pip. That's it. Lyra," she pointed a hoof at Lyra, "was the one coming on to daddy. Which dad was not into. Tartarus, when she passed out on his doorstep he took her inside so she could sleep in his bed. Even then he didn't do anything to her either. He's a nice guy. Which is why he's my daddy. He a nerd and loves all the stuff we love mom! So stop hurting him Celestia Damnit!"

"Dinky Language!" Derpy and I snapped in unison. Both of us blinked and looked at each other briefly before Derpy turned her attention back to her daughter. She floated down to the ground and stood before her daughter.

"So... he didn't touch you...?" Derpy asked weakly, finally looking spent after all she'd gone through. She was breathing heavily and was matted with sweat. Her legs were shaking and her right forehoof looked slight and was lightly bleeding. the toll of punching an Elder God.

"No mom, gross! Like I would allow that to happen!" Dinky snapped, stamping a hoof. "Now apologize to Eldritch for hurting him!" She thrust a hoof in my direction.

Derpy blinked at her daughter, then slowly nodded. She weakly trudged over to me and held out a hoof. Said hoof was the damaged one, and it shook from exertion. I took it and amazingly, she helped me stand. "Uh.... S-sorry for hitting you..." She said weakly. "I-I can get a little over protective."

"Bleh.." I groaned, popping my entire back. "It's perfectly understandable... You're a great mother for being so protective..."

"Thanks..." She blushed a little and looked away momentarily, only to look back up at me again moments later. "So.... Daddy?"

"Heh heh.." I chuckled, slowly feeling my strength returning slowly. "Devious filly, reverse adopted me. I really didn't have a choice.."

"I don't think this was the way she've wanted us to meet." Derpy smiled.

"Nope. Not at all." I shook my head. "This day has just been... stupidly busy. Honestly I would've prefered to meet you when you got home from work."

"Too late for that now." Derpy chuckled weakly.

"Hey mom, you should have heard what he said to Twilight after she freaked out for the first time." Dinky said, coming up to the both of us.

Derpy looked at her daughter. "Later muffin, I think daddy and I are both tired." She shot me a tired but amused glance.

"Awww, okay." Dinky wilted slightly.

"Ummmm.... is it safe to come out now?" I looked over to see Mayor Mare peeking out from behind her desk.

"Yes Mayor, and I apologise from the bottom of my heart. If there's anything I can do to fix this let me know." I said nodding at her.

"He lives in the ominous black box across the street from the library. You can't miss it." Dinky chirped, causing me to chuckle. Nice callback Dinky. Way to go.

"Oh, well I'll be sure to consider it." Mayor Mare stood up properly. "Now... can you please leave? Apparently, I have to now organize a cleanup crew."

"Oh, of course." I nodded.

"I can get you home." Lyra grinned, trotting up to us and putting a tentacle on each of us."

"Wait, wha-" I was cut off as I heard the buzz of static, felt a briefly feeling like being squeezed through a straw, then I blinked and we were outside my apartment.

However.... there were quite a few gasps and yelps of surprise, due to the dozens of ponies in and around my house. Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch were even on top of my apartment, somehow managing to get a DJ booth up there. Which just so happened to be blasting music.

My eye twitched. I was.... less than pleased.

"WHO ARE YOU ALL PEOPLE AND WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!"