Dammit, Tia! Why couldn't you’ve just killed me like you were supposed to? Matthias wryly wondered as he sunk his face further into one of the hollow hallway's gilded grey walls.

The scene was hauntingly similar to what had transpired outside the Solar Residence Hall some six or so hours ago; what with the human seemingly doubled over in agony as he ground his forehead into a blank patch of wall hidden amidst the various reliefs and murals decorating the passageway leading back to the Consulate’s Quarters.

But whereas his previous get-together with the ground had been him trying, and failing, to weather the storm brought about by the ardor of the elder of the royal sisters; this current meeting of his skull to stone had actually been a success. However, while Matthias had been able to stave off the havoc promised by the younger pony sister’s affections, it had left him with enough of a migraine for him to wish that Celestia and Shining Armor had gone through with their whole stabbing him to death plan when they had first found him.

I mean, how could they’ve fucked up something so simple?!

Step 1: Unsheath sword

Step 2: Insert sword A into freaky monster B, which according to the diagram, is coming at you with a pickaxe

Step 3: Repeat Step 2 as needed until the red stuff stops flowing out of the quivering carcass lying at your hooves

Step 4: Rescue captive ponies from a lifetime of enforced servitude

Step 5: Imbibe copious amounts of alcohol at the subsequent “You're a Big Damn Hero” orgy to be held in your honor

See, simple!

“But nooo, you and Shiny just had to figure it out and get all noble,” he said with a frustrated sigh, absentmindedly running his hand along the old seared scar carved into what had once been his appendix.

*BZZZZ----BZZZZ----BZZZZZZZZ*

However, before the idea of hunting down Shining Armor and asking him to finish the job became too tempting a prospect; a familiar buzzing began tickling him along the left of his leg, snapping Matthias out of his malaise, and bringing him back to the blackened halls he had been meandering about as he made his way back to his room.

It took some effort for Matthias to pull himself away from the marble’s balmy chill; the stinging stone having worked wonders numbing the skull-splitting headache ready to crack his head open. But the more he seemed to ignore the alarm, the more intense its vibrations became, until the incessant thrumming was all but bashing its way through his newly restored calm like the trumpets at Jericho.

Reaching down into his pocket, he yanked out his phone, debating for a second whether or not he should just chuck the damned thing over the side of the mountain. But in a rare flash of sanity, Matthias remembered that the little black box was the only thing he had that would ever let him see or hear his family again. So he instead chose to swipe his thumb across the screen, silencing the damnable buzzing and revealing an all too familiar message for him on the glowing glass:

Realizing it had just been his nightly reminder to knock himself out, he settled himself back against the wall; letting loose a long and ragged sigh as he once again tried soaking up some of the midwinter chills that had been seeping in throughout the day, in a desperate attempt to soothe the beast of a migraine that always seemed to prowl about whenever he tried to sort out what Luna was thinking.

Looking back at the time on the screen, Matthias figured it had to have been at least ten minutes since Luna had ported off to parts well known to talk with Starry. Twenty minutes since she had promised him that she would sleep with him. And about fifteen minutes since she had kissed him in a way that left him with little to no doubts as to how she felt for him.

But doubt Mr. Martin did.

Oh, by no means was he calling the sincerity of Luna’s affections into question. Nor was he so far gone as to believe that what had happened back in the garden was just some fucked up fever dream, spawned from the most sleep-deprived depths of his carved-up psyche. The near constant tingling and the molten heat radiating off his lips were proof enough for him that the kiss had actually happened.

In all honesty, apprehension, dubiety, and incredulity had just become second nature to him by this point. Having dedicated some thirteen odd years of his life to breaking down and decoding the written word, plus a three-year stint in Applied Behavior Analysis while teaching at an autism center, had left Matthias with an almost OCD-like compulsion to look for depth where it needn't exist. A demand to peel back the layers, so he could get at the heart behind the words and actions in all things.

And yes, while these skills had helped garner him a fairly lucrative position in one of the more affluent districts back home; more often than he cared to admit, there were times he wished he could just aerate that particular corner of his brain with an ice-pick.

Oh, there was no denying the primal sense of satisfaction Matthias would get from sussing out the actual reason a student had turned in a late or incomplete assignment:

Why yes, I did know Horizon came out on Tuesday. Fun fact, the special edition comes with a thunderjaw statue and Alloy’s earpiece.

And as much fun as it was keeping his colleagues on their toes when it came to their weekly tv binges:

Look, it's not a question of whether or not Aida becomes human. It’s going to happen. There’s no way for Jemma or Daisy to stop her from within the Framework, and the fodder agents are too busy keeping them alive to do anything useful. What’s going to be interesting, however, is how she’s gonna snap. Because they already did the whole sentient machine overwhelmed by humanity’s chaotic nature bit with Ultron. So if I were a betting man, I’d say she’ll either go full Blade Runner and try to blur the lines between synthetic and human, or she’ll be crushed by the sudden inclusion of a fully formed emotional center, without the years of grounding or development to help balance it out.

He would’ve loved to live just one day without the need to finish somebody’s sentence before it left their mouth, or having to relive a conversation non-stop for a week; trying to figure out what the other person had really meant by their words, and how they may have interpreted him.

Plus, when you’ve lived inside your own head for as long as Matthias has, you tend to notice when your coworkers are eyeing you funny, or when they’ve no longer come over to ask you what you thought of American Horror Story, or when you’ve been excluded from the weekly, “The Kids Are Driving Us Crazy, So We Need A Shot of Something With Enough Alcohol in it to Orbit the Staff Lounge,” mixer.

And ever since winding up in Equestria, the fun had seemingly been doubled. What with half the ponies now thinking he was some kind of mind-reading monster in service to the princesses, as opposed the typical “I’mma eat your babies” monster they had thought he was at first; if Starry nearly shitting herself earlier was any indication…

Maybe a nice fruit-basket will keep her from tearing me a new asshole during drills on Wednesday?

Yet tonight he found himself grateful to be working on that separate wavelength from everybody around him, almost happy to be off to the side counting the steps instead of joining in on the dance. Because after having come to terms with the fact that yes, Luna had indeed kissed him, Matthias felt he had calmed himself enough to be able to look at what had happened to him objectively, and hopefully piece together just what that little lunatic was up to.

“Alright, let’s try this one more time,” he said as he righted himself and started walking once again, no longer concerned that his head was going to pop open like a character in a Cronenberg film. “But this time try and stick to the facts. Remember, you’re not in her head so just what you heard and saw.”

She said she wants to sleep with me

Easy there turbo! There are many ways that statement can be taken. After all, the sane half of the exes liked to cuddle, and we've snuggled plenty of times without it leading anywhere. So why the freak-out?

The way she said ‘amenities.’ What did she mean?

Amenity: noun. Luxury, nicety, something pleasant or pleasing. See nothing overtly sexual there. Cuddles are certainly pleasant.

But why’d she blush like that? Why’d she bury my head in her chest? Why didn't she laugh at me?

Alright, Alright, turn it down a notch. Let’s not jump to conclusions. Remember, ponies are a naturally affectionate bunch. There’ve been plenty of the little equines who’ve nuzzled up to you or nibbled on your ears as if it were nothing more than a high-five or a hand-shake. Granted that had been back at the Sword & Shield, and we’d been throwing back enough Equestrian Coach Bombs at the time to turn our blood flammable. Tanked Tuesday's are always fun!

But, every time that seems to happen, Matthias suddenly realized as he exited the starlit corridor and crossed into the castle’s designated dignitary dwellings, Luna, and even Twilight, would start to sniff at me, and puff up like dad’s old beagle after I played with the neighbor’s dog.

Wait, were they jealous?

Would explain why Luna seemed a bit more clingy than usual after telling her about Tia stripping on me. But Twilight? That maniac’s been pushing harder than anypony to try and get me out of my room and make some friends. Why would she be worried if some ponies were-

“One problem at a time dammit! Focus on the mare that may or may not be propositioning you!” he hissed out, double checking the hallmarks to make sure he didn’t unwittingly barge into the Germaneian Delegation’s suite... again.

Okay okay, so aside from some colored cheeks and possible double entendre, has she been throwing out any signs that may imply she wants to be more than just a friend?

Let’s see, standard rate of cuddling, hugs were at an appropriate level given how much I was losing it, nuzzling quotient seemed a bit above average, but that could be attributed to the success of the search and her gift. Would also explain the extended straddling, dancing, and the ki-

Oh yeah, she fucking kissed me… Twice!

Yeah, but she does that a lot. I swear she gets off from seeing me flush. But does she really? She's kissed me plenty on the cheek or forehead to shut me up. The fingers were new but had the same effect as all the others. But she’s never kissed me like that before, especially not with that look in her eyes, or those colors on her cheeks.

And us? What did she mean by “giving us a chance?”

Was it the royal plural possessive? But she said “giving me this chance” first. Is it really just her helping me get through the night without pissing myself or is she talking about us being together? She did say it right after kissing me. Kinda hard not to go down the “more than friends route” when she’s smashing her mouth against mine, Matthias thought as he brought his hand back up to his lips for the umpteenth time since Luna had left him. His composure cracking beneath the weight of a thousand unanswered questions as he once again failed to unravel the madness to Luna’s method.

Sadly, “What the fuck are you thinking Lu?” still remained one of the long-standing mysteries of this brave new world that kept Matthias lying awake at night; having consistently held its spot among the top three for months now, right alongside such quandaries as:

“Where is that music coming from?” whenever he saw the ponies break out into their perfectly choreographed impromptu musical numbers,

and...

“What even the fuck?” reserved almost exclusively for the times that Q-esque snake-horse mother fucker would show up to harass Celestia and Luna.

Oh sure, Twilight had done her best to try and explain the former. Something about the inherent Magic of Friendship and Harmony that unified all of ponydom and beyond on some deeper metaphysical level. But not even the Princess of Friendship and Element of Magic herself could help with the latter, only giving him an irritated scowl and telling Matthias to just not to bother with it.

However, seeing as the little bookworm wasn't here to help him sort through this shit, and trying to decipher how Luna may or may not feel for him was just making him want to throw himself back on Shiny’s sword, he decided to change tactics a bit, and try approaching the problem from a different angle:

Alright, alright, let’s back it up for a bit. We have neither the time nor the appropriate amount of hard cider, to try and make sense of that mare. So… Let’s entertain for a moment that the cute little alicorn who bends the moon and stars to her will may just want to start something serious with the deep fried monkey. Would that be something you want?

...

...

...Yes

And with that simple admission, the pressure threatening to wring Matthias' brains out his large intestine dissipated; giving room for a half million dead hopes and dreams to stretch their weathered wings, and take flight once again.

I’m not afraid I can be myself with Luna she’s not scared of me I don’t have to walk on glass around her how can she be so warm will she kiss me again lips were so soft somebody wants to be with me yes yes yes I can wake up with somebody next to me I’m not alone she understands me wants to help me want to be with her please please please tell me she wants this goddammit!

Unfortunately for Matthias, all those half-buried hopes and dreams decided it’d be best to take off all at once. Like a billion burning butterflies breaking free of their cocoons together and taking to the sky as one; the collective flurry of their incandescent wings swelling into a tempest of ethereal heat that seared Matthias from the inside out.

Now, to say that it had been a rough couple of months for Matthias when he first woke up would be an understatement on par with the JDF calling Godzilla a minor inconvenience. What with him unable to hold any sort of neutral ground between the memories of his lost friends and family threatening to turn him into a stain at the base of the mountain, and the ecstasy of his new found freedom lighting him up with enough rabid glee to keep him awake for days on end and all. But with some proper counseling from Celestia, an ungodly amount of patience from Luna, and Twilight’s neverending support, he had been able to devise a system that could level him out nine times out of ten, or at the very least, keep him together long enough until he got to Luna.

And while on any other night he would’ve quashed this little anti-freakout with a few choice verses out of Demian or Siddhartha; he figured that Depressive had been having way too much fun with him tonight, and decided to give Manic her time to play with him as well.

It took everything Matthias had not to start skipping as he continued to weave his way through the sleeping castle’s empty halls, humming a little Rachel Platten beneath his breath as he remembered all the times Luna had been there for him since she first found him in their garden those many months ago.

Making the stars dance for me speaking to me honestly sticking up for me wanting to be my friend killing the awkwardness between me and Tia touching me giving me a way to speak showing me her Raising shoving her hoof up that blonde bastard’s ass for trying to take my quill introducing me to Twilight sneaking ice cream out of the castle kitchens giving me a job talking to me treating me like I’m worth a damn-

But why though?

It was a simple question really, but it carried enough weight behind it to slow Matthias back down to a crawl.

What makes you think you’ve done anything to deserve somebody like her? Came the voice of a man he wished to God he could just forget. Oh, what’s that? You talked with her and treated her like a friend? That’s what's you're supposed to do, you entitled little shit! And what? Just because you’ve done what’s expected of you, you think you should be rewarded? It's no wonder you still believe crap like being there for her or giving her nice things will get you anywhere with her. But then again, that’s just like you, isn’t it? Trying to a bribe a woman to make her see you as anything other than the insignificant little cunt that you are.

“Well that lasted all of two minutes,” Matthias grumbled, his jaunty little trot down the hall coming to a screeching halt as Depressive came back around to help even him out. Though he wished it would’ve come at him as something a bit sunnier, like his Alzheimer's riddled grandma asking where he was over and over again, or his dad having a seizure from the stress of not being able to find him, instead of bringing his dick of a swim coach out to play.

And then you have the gall to constantly burden her with your bullshit. What, do you think if you throw a big enough pity party for yourself she'll feel sorry for you, and give you some of that princess plot? Quit kidding yourself! This isn't about finding any sort of social or spiritual fulfillment. You just want her to wet your dick so you can finally show the world that you’re not the repulsive little shit everyone thinks you are.

Out of all the forms his anxiety could take, The Ghosts of Assholes Past were by far the worst.

That’s not to say he preferred being ripped, kicking and screaming, back into the Deeps, or drowning in a pissing match between Manic and Depressive. He just found something fundamentally wrong with having all the people he had ever known and loved, and those he hoped had gotten a prostate exam via an AIDS-laced dildo in the time since he’d been taken, warped, and twisted to fit the form of whatever niggling worry his mind had decided to latch onto at the time.

So, just as Tia had taught him, he took a few deep breaths to try and focus himself, before calmly, and collectively running off every example he could think of to prove to himself that the bald bastard was full of shit:

Alright, first of all, you goddamn fuck-whistle…

Granted, said bastard had dedicated years to whittling away and tearing apart what little self-esteem had managed to make it through Matthias' time in middle school, so nearly livid was just about as close to calm as he could muster at the moment.

You don’t get to tell me how I feel about some… pony. I like Luna… a lot. She was the first of these touch happy horse people who didn’t force themselves to talk to me and was crazy enough to try and get to know me, even after she saw how much of a fucking flake I am. So yes, I’d rather her stick around.

And no, the Combined Court wasn’t meant to do that.

People and ponies are free to toss me aside at their leisure. I know I’m a right pain in the ass on my best days and an insufferable twat on my worst. So if there’s anything I can do to thank them for putting up with me for as long as they have, I’ll make it happen. And the one thing I know Luna's wanted more than anything is to feel like she matters. I just figured finding her a more active role in the lives of her ponies would be the best way to do that for her.

Whether or not she chose to thank me afterward was entirely up to her though. I mean, I knew Luna would be happy and all, but I wasn’t expecting ‘throw me to the floor dance beneath the moonlight face in chest lap pillow’ levels of happy. And I certainly wasn’t expecting her to kiss me… twice. Though given how touchy-feely she’d been beforehand, I probably should have seen at least one of them coming.

Then again, I never have been able to get a good read on that mare. Heh, It’s been years since I’ve had someone in my life who could make me scream ‘what the fuck’ on a near-daily basis. Been years since I've felt this... at ease with anyone. It’s strange really. Not once have I ever felt the need to hide or keep myself from her. Of course, that’s assuming I ever could hide anything from her in the first place. It really is scary how good a read she can get on me at times. And yet, even after seeing how much of horror show I can really be, she still wants me to come and talk to her each night, still wants to play those silly little games with me in the garden, and still tries her damnedest to put a smile on this fucked up face of mine when she tries using my vernacular.

So no, I don’t just want Luna to “get my dick wet.” If this is really her wanting to commit to something serious with me, then I’m going to show her that all the time and trouble she wasted on me wasn’t for nothing. That all the hours we’ve spent chatting, reading, and sneaking about through the city together have meant more to me than she’ll ever know.

And even if all she’s got planned for me this evening is just a little platonic cuddling and a bit of teasing because I’ve got my head up my ass once again, then no harm no foul. I get to sleep through the night without screaming my throat raw, wake up next to someone for the first time in years, and still get to keep one of the best friends I’ve ever had by my side-

Until you start pushing for more and fuck it up royally you self-serving little twit, spoke a woman whom he missed more and more with each passing day. Whose light raspy voice carried a strain and sadness that seemed to have burdened her for most of Matthias' life.

Sweet Christ above, it's never enough for you, is it?! Here you are with a job that actually makes you feel like you're worth something, a suite with a view that costs more per night than your first annual salary, and three friends who haven’t the sense to toss your sorry ass back in the hole Celestia pulled you out of. And what? You’re just gonna flush that all down the toilet because you think the nigh-immortal demigoddess of the night has the hots for you of all people?!

Seriously Matty-cake, I know life’s been on a bit of an upswing for you these past few months, but you’re really starting to push your luck here.

I mean really, what have you got to offer her that nopony else has been willing to give her freely for almost two-thousand years?

Your “winning” personality?

Sorry hon, introverted man-children like you hardly, if ever, make it past the first few months of any serious relationship. But then again, considering the kind of women you’ve let into your life, I’m surprised you’ve only made it out with that gash on your hand and a dent in your savings.

Your “rugged” good looks?.

You know I love you, sweetie? Truly, I do. But between the third-degree burns and the fact you’re a goddamn alien, yours is a face only I could love at this point.

Your Checkbook?

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?! She’s one of the eternal diarchs of a magical fantasy land and living embodiment of balance in this universe. And you seriously think some bits in the bank, and a chunk of mithril, are gonna win her over?

For the love of God Matty-cake, was losing the few people stupid enough to have given a rat’s ass about you not traumatic enough for you? Now you gotta start pushing away one of the only ponies in Canterlot willing to put up your bullshit?

Because let’s be real here Matty, Luna’s not just gonna laugh this off. You’re going to ask her if she's trying to start something with you. Then she’s gonna start stuttering and stammering about cultural differences and the changes to societal norms that have happened in the past thousand years. Oh, it might be fine for the first few days, some awkward silences and a passing joke or two about the forbidden flame between the human secretary and the pony princess.

But eventually you’ll take it too far, having already gotten it in your head that you want to be with her, and once you start to creep and hover around her, like you always seem to do whenever a woman shows you a speck of affection, you’ll begin to see less and less of little Luna.

It’ll be subtle at first, fewer hugs, less time hanging out in the garden, more time getting actual work done, and less time talking, until eventually she stops coming around to check in on you and starts palling around with some sweet, sane stallion who respects boundaries and doesn’t treat his friends like walking, talking pillows to cry into whenever the mood strikes him.

And don’t pretend like you haven’t noticed how miffed she’s been getting seeing your hands and face ground to hell, or how hard she’s been pushing to try and get you to bed these past few months. In fact, haven’t they all been getting a little testy as of late? Why would Tia make that snub earlier if she wasn’t getting fed up with your shit? Hell, even Twilight’s been pressing like a mad mare to try and figure out what those dogs did to you. Probably so she can finally shut you up and get back to picking your brain about the physics and tech we've got back on earth.

But can you really blame them? I mean, even a couple of immortals and the manifestation of magic and friendship herself must be getting bored hearing the same sob story day in and day out?

“Oh, boo-hoo, I've lost all my family and friends!”

Yeah, so have Tia and Luna. The jury’s still out on whether it'll be the same for Twilight or not, but you don’t see any of them crying in the corner like some whipped dog.

“But the big mean doggies hurt me!”

So what?! Others have made it through worse shit than you and have been able to move on and make something of their lives.

Sweet Christ! Why can’t you just quit your whinging and get over it already?

Or maybe... you don’t wanna let it go? Maybe you just want to spend the rest of your days wallowing in your petty fucking bullshit. After all, it seems to be working out well for you so far. You’ve got Luna babying you each and every night, Twilight wasting her weekends with you, and then after bugging Celestia all day, you get to go cry yourself to sleep in the suite you guilted out of her. Face it Matty-cake, all you’ve done since waking up is make them worry and take advantage of the kindness they had no reason to show you. So do yourself a favor and keep it in your pants before you give them another reason to throw you back into that hole they found you in.

Matthias had to stop for a moment, needing to hold back the tears and halt his shaking. He hated hearing his mother’s words twisted into something so against her nature, almost as much as he hated himself for letting it get to him.

It took some time, but eventually, he was able to get his shit together and start walking again. Although he couldn’t quite soothe the burning behind his eyes entirely, and each breath he took to calm himself hitched as he tried to answer the phantom’s challenges.

Stop it… please! I… I get it. I’m an unholy pain in the ass who should be on his hands and knees thanking Luna’s lucky stars each and every day that they’re still willing to put up with me.

But… but I never asked to be treated like this. Never asked for their hospitality or friendship. These were things they offered and asked of me first. Celestia was the one who decided to take me in after she had every right to leave me for dead. It was Luna who asked me to be her friend despite knowing next to nothing about me. And Twilight chose to keep working and spend time with me, even after she blew that damned collar off my neck.

So yes, I’ll readily admit to being a lucky sonuvabitch. That’s a goddamn given. I mean a hole opens up in the sky and throws me out into the void and instead of falling forever, or dropping me into the middle of a Lovecraftian wet dream. I wind up in a world full of bipedal equines who happen to speak and write in the same language as me; and who treat me like I’m one of them instead of a fucking alien hell-bent on eating them or stealing their women… for the most part.

(Seriously, it’s like someone thought Roddenberry’s bullshit for skimping on the script and creature effects was how speciation actually happened)

And while I know das boot only seems to drop whenever the odds are looking anywhere close to being in my favor; I also know that things tend to start looking up for me once shit has well and truly hit the fan. And considering how warm a welcome I got when I first landed here...

*Shudder*

Matthias couldn’t help but tremble slightly at that god awful pun as visions of gnarled claws and rotten teeth briefly danced before his eyes, while phantom flames began licking at the burned out nerves painted across the left half of his body.

… maybe… maybe I’m finally getting a chance to cash in on this devil’s luck of mine. He thought, his breathing having finally evened out, while his shaking settled into something more akin to slight shivering.

Yeah, yeah I know I know… here I am pulling the Equestrian equivalent to six figures while I’ve got the ears of Equestria’s three most influential (and cutest) mares, and I’m acting like John Cleese in the “Four Yorkshiremen” sketch. Really, what right have I to feel lonely or unfulfilled?

“Because we can’t control how we feel, only how we act,” he said with a wistful sigh, remembering the week he spent in that old boiler turned boardroom, having the basics of ABA drilled into his skull as he prepared for his first real teaching job.

Now for all the intelligence Matthias boasted, he would readily admit to having a bit of a blind spot when it came to the fairer sex. That’s not to say he was utterly oblivious to the affections of those around him; it was just more often than not, he found himself unable to gauge the intentions, or stability, of those propositioning him.

Case and point, his high school sweetheart who carved a shiv out of a butter knife and sliced his hand up, for wanting to help a classmate with her project. His college crush who got tired waiting for him to make a move and hooked up with his roommate instead. Or his co-worker who strung him along for a couple of months after a nasty break up, only to chuck him aside once the newer model had come out.

So, suffice it to say, Matthias had become a bit more cautious over the years when it came to branching out and forming relationships beyond the few friends in his life that had been crazy enough, and patient enough, to have stuck by his side. A habit that had unfortunately made the journey with him across the void and into the land of pint-sized pony people; making the already socially awkward introvert double down even further within his head, once ripped away from the few people he knew had honestly given a damn about him.

Fortunately for Matthias, however, Twi and Tia had shown him a saintly level of patience and persistence, slowly but surely pushing him into expanding his little social circle beyond just them and Luna, all the while attempting to bolster and respect his newly returned agency.

A task made all the more daunting for the pony princesses. Considering for the first few months of his stay in Canterlot, Matthias would hardly ever leave his room; even after getting his voice back and being introduced to the public at the little “It’s Okay, He’s Not Going To Eat You” meet and greet. Rarely choosing to sally forth from his chambers unless either Celestia, Luna, or Twilight were right there by his side, ready to shield him from the accostings of other ponies.

And yes, while his initial attempts at socializing had been... awkward, to say the least; what with him towering over most of the population, and looking like he’d gone about ten rounds with the solar diarch herself. Once the initial shock of a new meat eater in Canterlot had worn off, and the ponies had gotten somewhat used to his presence in and around the castle, the staff and guard had happily accepted him into their ranks with little fuss or fanfare. Hell, he’d even managed to snag himself a halfway decent group of drinking buddies from among the Loons and Sols, and one big burly sonuvabitch from The Watch that neither division was willing to claim officially.

Which, had all been well and good at first, having a gaggle of guys and gals he could just pal around with or shoot the shit with when Celestia or Luna was busy, or when Twilight had things to take care of back in Ponyville.

But then shots started getting involved, and everything from the drink menus to the lines separating man from pony began to blur; and say what you will about the bipedal equines, they definitely weren’t touch-shy.

And while Matthias was always down for the occasional hug or chest bump from his Sun Bros and Moon Knights; he just wasn't emotionally equipped to deal with his Sol Sisters nuzzling up on him, or his Moon Mamas chewing on his ears.

Which wasn’t to say he was put off by the advances or affections of a pony; throw back a few digestifs, squint real hard, and move back about ten feet, and the average mare could pass for quite the woman, albeit with a bit more curve where it really counted.

It was just, even after spending eight months living in Canterlot, far and away from both dog and collar alike, Matthias still didn’t feel he had gotten his shit together enough. Nor did he believe he had adjusted sufficiently enough to a lifestyle that didn't involve non-stop beatings and debasement to even considering starting a relationship with one of these happy little horse people.

At least… not until tonight, when Luna had all but declared her intent to get in bed with him.

So, with the ghost of his mother hopefully settled in for the evening and the prospects of what may be awaiting him within the next few hours beginning to look enticing once again, Matthias set about counting the faceless, numberless doors that lined the hallways of the Consulate’s Quarters.

One, because he found the monotony of such an endeavor to be a quick and easy trick to drown out and dispel any stray thoughts or phantoms that still wished to chime in.

And two, because the fucking geniuses in charge of castle layout thought that leaving the doors blank, and without any distinguishing features, would be an easy and efficient way to protect the visiting dignitaries from any hostile parties. Oh sure, the likelihood of any would-be assassin finding their mark drops significantly when you can't tell the Roamanian Embassy from the janitor's station. But it also forced Matthias to crash on the couch in Celestia's office at least seventeen times since his release from the hospital.

3… 4… 5… Seriously, why the fuck am I throwing such a goddamn hissy fit over this? He thought as he quickened his gait, the doors blurring by as the brisk pace began to brace him against the bitter cold filling the hall. Luna kissed me for Christ’s sake! Is it really so wrong for me to think that she may have feelings for me?

6… 7… 8… Is it because she’s a pony? 9… 10… 11… Sure, she’s got the muzzle and the ears and the hooves you’d expect from a bunch of anthropomorphic horse men. Not to mention the horn and wings that just bend physics over. 12… 13… 14… But it’s just stupid how human Luna and the others act and look otherwise. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she’s the princess of freaking happy magical pony land. Yet most nights she either feels like she doesn’t even matter or that if she doesn't accomplish or do as much as Tia, then she’s nothing more than an abject failure.

“15… hook a right, and up the stairs,” he said as he hit the halfway point, taking the steps up the old servant’s way two at a time to try and hurry himself out of the cold that much quicker. Each stride causing the remains of his cake to shift about a bit within the confines of their magically sealed case as it bashed against his leg.

Once atop the stairwell, he restarted his counting, needing to go down another fifteen doors before taking another set of stairs back down, where it’d just be another quick trek down the hall for him to get his room.

1… 2… 3… I just hope the Triple C (they can hash out a more officious sounding name at the summit) will give her a chance to see just how much she matters to everypony around her. Can show her that not everybody dismisses her or thinks her the lesser of any kind. Or, at the very least, show her how much she means to me. 4… 5… 6... Yeah, yeah, like the admiration and affection of a goddamn alien is gonna fill in for several centuries worth of loss and broken dreams. 7… 8… 9… But dammit, I’ve got to at least try. I mean, for the love of all that is holy she’s fixing me for fuck’s sake! I can function again because of her.

That's not to say Celestia and Twilight haven't had a part in piecing me back together. 10… 11… 12… Tia could’ve just shoved me off once Doc P got me back on my feet. And all Twilight had to do was just get me talking again and be on her merry way. But instead, I got two of the best friends to ever grace my miserable lot in life, who have gone well out of their way to see that I’m taken care of, and have wasted days upon weeks to make sure I’m being treated right and that I’m comfortable.

So there’s no way in Hell I’m ever gonna let them see how… defective I still am. Tia already feels bad enough for what she and Shiny had to do to me; and the one time I let it slip when I was with Twilight, she was almost as much a mess as I was, and was bloody inconsolable for the next few hours.

“13… 14… 15… INTO THE BREACH MOTHERFUCKER!” He cheered beneath his breath at having finally reached the second stairwell. Slipping his hands into his sleeves, and the handle of his cake box over his wrist, Matthias latched onto the stairway’s railings and jumped. Using the drop in traction, he slid down each set of stairs, one after the other, until after five such leaps he found himself at the bottom of the well, and in the middle of the old deployment artery running beneath the Consulate’s Quarters.

It was just one of many security features Celestia had fashioned into the sector of the castle housing the throngs of visiting diplomats and ambassadors who called Equestria their home anywhere from months, to years on end. Having already hollowed out near half of the mountainside in order to both finance and construct the cliffside capital, Celestia chose to systematically reinforce the already existing mine shafts that ran beneath the castle and Canterlot proper, as well as having new tunnels and entrances dug which would not only link the various barracks and garrisons spread out across the castle grounds and city, but would lead back to, and converge, some several hundred feet below the castle. Creating a series of subterranean staging areas and evacuation sites from which both the Solar Guard and City Watch could quickly navigate through the city or evacuate the populace should they ever find themselves facing a siege scenario.

Or in this case, whisk away a disfigured teacher turned administrative aide to a couple of demigoddesses to his room before his balls began to ice over.

Starry had made him privy to the little shortcut about a month following his discharge from the infirmary, after she had to break up a little… misunderstanding between Matthias and the Germaneian delegate’s wife. It took a bit of inventive butt-kissing and the promise to assign some of her best, and straightest, guardsmares to her protective detail for the next week. But once she had finally talked down the ambassador and his retinue, and convinced the mare to put away the riding crop and handcuffs. Starry had dragged the flushed human by the hand down into the old service way, mapping out and detailing the various hallmarks and entryways he’d have to use in order to get into and out of the hidden passageways lining the Quarter. All between progressively more maniacal fits of laughter at the human’s expense, having had to give the flustered alien a brief breakdown of a mare’s special time of the year.

But the incessant teasing from both Starry and the Sisters was all worth it in the end. As the route she had shown him provided Matthias with the most direct path to his room possible, needing only to go up and down two sets of stairs, traverse one dark yet thankfully straight hallway, then go up just one more flight of stairs to get into his own little Sanctum Sanctorum.

However, as with many of life’s little luxuries, there were risks and costs Matthias would have to live with. Yes, while the path he traveled was the quickest and easiest for him to navigate, it was also black as pitch, save for some patches of hacked away stone and burned out rock that flickered in the light of the pale gray candles lining the tops of the walls. Casting shadows that seemed to dance and move in time with the scuffs of his shoes as they scraped against the floor. Shaking loose memories of a time in his life that Matthias had been desperately trying to put behind him since waking up with Celestia crying over him. Memories of a time when he had been little more than a mindless beast wandering about in the dark, tearing away at the walls of its cage in hopes of making it just one more day.

Memories Matthias desperately fought to keep at bay as he continued to walk through the blackened tunnel, trying his best to convince himself that it was okay for him to be having these feelings about the lunar princess. That it was okay for him to want to be with her.

But with Luna, I don’t know. It's like… it's like I don't feel so... broken when I'm with her. That, it's okay for me to feel upset about what happened to me when we're together. And whenever I get it in my head to try and apologize for all the shit I put her through, she always pulls some stunt that either shuts me up or makes me feel like I'm not a whiny piece of shit. Hell, if anything, she tries to make me feel like everything’s going to be alright. That I’m going to get better and that she actually wants to be there for me. So why am I so hung up on this? Again, I feel I need to stress that she was the one who pushed for this. That she was the one who wanted to spend the night with me! And that she was the one who kissed me! And now that I’ve successfully removed my head from my ass, I can safely, and with all honesty, say that I want the same thing. So why is it still so hard for me to believe that Luna may want to be with me and that I want to be with her?

HURRG HURRG HURRG HURRRRG

The laugh that rang throughout the narrow corridor was wet and guttural, like some deep-chested… thing was trying to wretch up a bone eviscerating its throat. Its echoes carrying no levity or mirth as they crashed into Matthias' chest, chilling him with such dread terror that it felt like the blood in his veins had frozen over. Clotting his arteries with shards of jagged ice that began to rip him apart from the inside out as his heart rate suddenly skyrocketed.

He skidded to a halt turning to face his accoster, but the sound of his footsteps continued to carry on past and around him. Suddenly filling the empty passage with the sounds of hundreds of scuffling feet and claws, and a cacophony of deep, coarse growls full of amusement and mockery at his gall.

Looking back from where he had just come, he found the shadows permeating the tunnel beginning to shift and swirl, focusing around a couple of the wispy grey candles lining the wall further down the hall. Until suddenly they pulled themselves away from the wall and turned to face him. Revealing themselves as a pair of pale white eyes that burned through the very black all around them. Forcing the whirling mass of ebony mist to roil and writhe about within the enclosure until they coalesced and condensed into what could only be described as the bastard spawn of a bulldog and a gorilla.

Isn’t it obvious you broken little slut? Spoke the shadowy mass as it turned to face him in full, its bulk damn near filling the tunnel with its height and width as it started pulling itself forward on its chipped and broken claws. Then again, you never were all that bright, were you? HURRG HURRG HURRG still gets me all red in the waist whenever I think about you still trying to scream for help after me, and the pack made you ours.

Now, speak Null. Tell me why you can’t have the moon horse.

Matthias went so pale at the sound of his old name that he was practically glowing within the confines of the darkened passageway. His ashy, numb hands desperately gripping the walls for support as he tried to back himself away from the encroaching nightmare. A task he was having more and more difficulty with as his body tried to pump as much blood into his core as possible; trying its best to stave off the psychosomatic shock currently racking his body.

RGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH YOU RUTTING LITTLE BITCH I SAID SPEAK GODDAMMIT! The beast roared. The sheer force of its snarl pushing him off the wall and nearly knocking him on his ass.

But Matthias refused to speak; he knew the game it was playing. Even with his old muzzle blown to bits, he could still feel the old scarred skin around his neck beginning to tighten, waiting for him to try and make a sound before it would tear into his windpipe. So he stood his ground against the shadow. His shaking seemingly halted in his defiance against the old ghost, finding what little courage that hadn’t run away screaming bolstered by the rage the beast was surely feeling from denying him his jollies.

HURRG HURRG HURRRRG. Well, would you look at that! It's about time you learned your place you ungrateful little shit.

But that bantam bit of courage was shattered into million tiny pieces when all the demon dog did was laugh and slap his meaty claws together in applause at his little act of disobedience. Pleased that he had chosen to remain silent in spite of his old shackle having been removed.

See?! It just goes to show that even the most disobedient little mutts can be trained if you just use the right kinda stick. The dog said with a throaty chuckle as it continued to lumber towards him. Plodding its way on heavy paws while scraping its jagged nails across the walls and floor until it was towering over Mattias. Finally forcing him to fall to the floor, his shaking legs no longer able to support him amidst the overwhelming pressure this living nightmare was exerting over him.

Good, so now that you’ve stopped acting like some spoiled little welp caught pissing on the pack’s gem stash and are behaving like the subservient little bitch we all prayed for, maybe I should give you a treat? The dog offered, tapping its pudgy finger against its chin before shoving its misty muzzle right into Matthias' face, drowning him in breath that reeked of fetid flesh and rotten teeth. How about we start with licking your Alpha clean like the good little sub-meg trash you are hmmmm?

Now, the fight-or-flight response found within all vertebrate species is a relatively simple and straightforward process (If one chooses to ignore the needlessly complicated naming scheme used to label the parts of the brain and body that secrete and absorb the just as complexly named chemicals of course). In essence, when a vertebrate mind recognizes a threat within its immediate environment, it stimulates the pituitary gland in the brain to flood and support the rest of the body with adrenaline so that it can either:

A). Run like Satan was chasing it

Or

B). Kick Samael in the dick so hard he’ll be pissing out his mouth till the Second Coming

So seeing as Matthias' legs were still trembling too much to do anything close to resembling option A). He was left with but one alternative to help mitigate the surge of white-hot fury currently sublimating the ice in his frost filled veins.

So he kicked the dog in the dick.

With a mighty roar that drowned out all the other echoes still bouncing their way throughout the empty passageway, he jammed his foot square into shadowy mass, right where the multiversal kill switch for all males would typically be located. Causing the anthropomorphic blob of inky blackness to disperse and back off of Matthias, but it was a temporary respite at best. Seeing as the dog began to reform just as soon as it backed off, letting loose an irritated growl and a frustrated huff as it continued looked down on Matthias.

Rgggggggggghhhh Now that wasn’t very smart. It's almost like you want me to put you back in your place. Can’t see why though. All you ever did was shriek and wail like a mangy runt left behind by its bitch whenever we had to remind you where you stood amongst us. Oh, well. Guess after being dommed so many times it must have learned to like it. And what kind of alpha would I be if I didn’t give a member of my pack what it wanted?

“Yeah fuck that!” Matthias managed to squeak out, a timid smile worming its way onto his face, causing the hellish hound to let loose its first scream of genuine hate and rage since the start of this little episode.

Now, whether it was the second burst of adrenaline suddenly saturating his system that got him back on his feet or the fact that he had finally managed to defy the monster in a way that truly mattered, Matthias couldn't tell. All he knew was that could feel his legs again, and that he needed to get the absolute fuck out of there. So, taking advantage of the distance his first attempt at combating the shadowy beast had bought him, Matthias flipped onto his stomach and launched himself from the ground in a sloppy track start and high tailed it down the tunnel as fast as his dress shoes could carry him.

GET YOUR PACK MURDERING ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN SPLIT IT OPEN YOU GODDAMN DREG! The beast bellowed as it made chase, barreling down the shaft after Matthias like a big black locomotive coated in claws and teeth.

“Not *pant pant* a very convincing argument for me to stop *pant* all things considered!” He yelled back shakily between heavier and heavier breaths. His eyes shaking wildly while his mouth twisted into a manic smile as he heard the damned dog let out another angry roar.

NO! NO NO NO! YOU DON'T GET TO TALK BACK TO ME! PACKLESS LITTLE MONSTERS LIKE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO THEIR OWNERS!

The very weight behind those words all but staggered Matthias, nearly forcing him to fall back to the ground while the shit-eating grin that had been threatening to Glasgow itself onto his face faltered and shattered against the truth supporting the monster’s claim to him. But fortunately for Matthias, he had already made it to the stairwell leading up to his room, so he was at least able to fall into the well’s wall and keep himself upright.

Yes… That’s right! You can try to fool yourself and others, but you can’t fool me. It doesn’t matter how much frilly pony-wear you dress yourself up in, or how much fancy pony food you cram down your gullet, you know that you’re not one of them.

“Sh-shut up!” Matthias shouted at the shadow before bolting up the stairs, slapping his hands over his ears to try and drown out the dog’s words though he knew it would probably do him little good.

But then again, you’ve never been much of anything come to think of it. Not pony nor dog. Griffon nor bull. Just some mewling little stillbirth the stars aborted on our doorstep.

“I SAID SHUT UP!” He all but screamed, switching from taking the steps two at a time to three at a time to try and put some distance between him and the dog before its words could slow him down any further.

You should be grateful that we were able to find some kind of use for you when we had every right to just rip you apart and lick the meat off your bones!

“You had no right to-”

And how do you repay our generosity?! By hiding away what is ours and claiming ownership of OUR ponies!

“I didn’t claim any-”

Then you had to go and lose to the Sun Horse and her puny little ponies! Costing me not only my property but over half of my pack!

“You agreed to the rules! And it’s not like I had any say in the-”

You had one job and you rutted it up beyond all recognition!

“Well if you’re gonna fuck up you better do it royally?” He snarked, hoping he could finally get the damn dog out of his head.

Then tell me Null. What are you planning on doing when you “fuck up royally” for your precious little ponies?

“I don’t plan on-”

Because wanting to rut one of their highest alphas will get you as royally rutted as possible.

That caused Matthias to pause, the words ripping into him like the sharp, jagged teeth of his old masters.

You’re not one of them. You’re their pet, their tool. You serve at their pleasure just like you served at ours. So, what do you think’s going to happen once they’ve decided they’ve got no more use for you? You’ve got no home to go back to. No pack to rely on. The shade softly warned him, the blackened mists filling the hall beginning to swirl about and caress Matthias gently, almost lovingly.

Don’t you think it’s cruel of them?! To build you up and treat you like you’re one of them when you’ll never have what they have? A family, pups of your own, a future beyond these stone walls? They’ll never be able to give you what you really want, and you can’t give them what they really need.

Matthias had no words to give back to the ghost, since he knew it spoke the truth. Because no matter what shape or form the terrors in the night took to torment him with, he knew they were all rooted in the fears and insecurities that seemed to have haunted him all throughout his life:

Am I really as broken as I feel or am I just banking on their pity?

Is it okay for me to go to them whenever I’m scared or upset or am I just wasting their time?

Am I really their friend or are they just using me to some end?

Which of course made him feel like the absolute fucking scum of the Earth for feeling this way about the ponies, especially the princesses. They had been nothing but kind and open with him. Save for the unpleasantness down in the Deeps when they first met him, obviously. But Matthias really just couldn’t help himself sometimes. He had spent so many years watching the people he had thought of as friends and lovers drift away from him due to some of his less than endearing eccentricities. While inviting just as many people into his life who had treated him as if were nothing more than a walking, talking shoulder which they could throw all their problems on.

It was just, no matter how hard he tried to live his life, no matter how happy a time he was having, there were just days he couldn’t see the world without it being dyed by those past losses and abuses. Then a fucking hole in the sky opens up and hurls him into a pit where all those feelings of worthlessness and exploitation were confirmed over and over again till he thought it was all he was meant to know. But then, Celestia comes along and gets him out of that Hell. Gives him a home and starts treating him more human than a lot of his own kind did, and all he can think about is how at any given moment he could be thrown out into the wilds of Equestria should he ever upset her.

At least when you were with us, we were honest about how we felt about you. Came the gravelly voice of his old Alpha hanging off his shoulder, a shiver running up and down Matthias' spine as he felt a hot tongue run up and down his cold, clammy cheek. We always made sure to treat you like the worthless cur you are. Made sure you knew that you weren’t one of us. That the only thing you would ever amount to was a worthless rock slasher. And as long as you accepted that, there was never any reason to fuss or fret, never any need to worry, and never any pain, well… maybe just enough to remind you of your place. But you have to admit, it was never without a just cause. All you had to do was dig and eat and dig and eat and never have to worry about petty shit like trying to find a mate or make your own pack. After all, you already had us to take care of you.

Suddenly, the pressure hovering around Matthias shifted, coalescing once again before him, bearing a rancid grin that stretched from ear to notched ear.

So really, you've got nobody to blame for all this useless dread but yourself, right? You chose to leave us, you chose the ponies over the pack, and you chose to live a life well beyond what you deserve. But I won’t hold it against you. I’d need to rip off the paws of at least fifty upstart pups in order to count off all the whelps I’ve had to put down trying to rise above what they’re worth. So I’ll make you a deal, the wispy dog declared while offering Matthias his paw.

Why don’t you come back to us? It’ll be fun. Well not at first. You’ll have to pay the weregild for the members of the pack who died because you weren’t strong enough. But after that, it’ll be back to business as usual. Nothing but the darkest depths and the weight of the world above ready to crush you like the worm you are. Where all you need to concern yourself with is swinging your pick where we point you and moving the product to the right tunnel. So come on, what do you say?

For the briefest, blackest moment, Matthias truly considered it. Because for that brief period of time in his life he never had to worry about things like love and loss. Never had worry about fitting in or pushing friends away because he had made an ass out of himself. Kinda hard to worry over something so petty when all his time and energy were devoted towards simply surviving from one day to the next. I mean, who has the time to worry about stuff like building a family or screwing up a date when all you need to do to keep getting fed, and not get torn apart, is to just keep digging and digging and digging until they throw you back in your cage.

Ever so slowly, Matthias began pushing a scarred and steady hand towards the beast’s black paw, its callused skin and foggy fur beckoning him back to a place where his overtaxed musings could no longer hurt or accost him. However, before he could reach out and clasp his tempter’s open paw, a spark flashed across the front his mind. Revealing to him in the wake of its blinding brilliance the faces of the three best friends he had ever made in this world.

One, a blazing sun whose fire and passion would not allow the pain Matthias had suffered to go by unanswered.

Another, a moon whose many faces matched his own and welcomed each and every side of the lost little human with open arms.

And the third, a sky full of stars ready and willing to guide him along the path of a dream he had thought was long dead.

And Matthias smiled. A small, warm, genuine smile that the old ghost couldn’t seem to get a read on. Which was a real shame for the dog, because while it was too busy staring at his ever-widening grin, it failed to notice Matthias clenching his fist.

“You know that was the one thing that always confused me about our time together,” he said addressing the dog, forcing the beast to tilt its head in confusion. “That no matter how many times you strung me up and tore into me. No matter how many times you set my collar off for no other reason than to see me squirm at your feet. And no matter how many times you ground my face into the dirt and reminded of my place in your little world. There was always a look in all of your eyes when you were all finished,” he jeered while staring the dog dead in its eyes, a mocking smirk twisting its way onto Matthias' face causing the monster to flinch and its grey pupils to shrink to pin-pricks, “Yeah, that’s the one. That beady-eyed little simper that just screams ‘today’s the day I finally get my shit pushed in.’”

What nonsense are you-

CRAAAAAAAACK

Whatever rebuttal the phantom was trying to form was cut off when Matthias' fist ripped right through its face, filling the stairwell with the satisfying sound of meat and bone splattering against the walls as he smashed its head open in a burst of a billion black blobs.

However, in his mad dash to try and run away from his feelings of alienation and his shattered sense of self-worth given flesh, he seemed to have forgotten that, in the heat of the moment, the beast was merely a figment of his blackened imaginings, and that he had made it to the hidden door leading to his room.

So, the skin and skull Matthias thought he was shoving his fist through turned out to be nothing more than shadows and a gray-stained wooden door without a handle. A fact Matthias, and several dozen groggy guards and servants throughout a generous portion of the castle, became painfully aware of once the adrenaline drowning his system got reabsorbed back into his body. Forcing Matthias to drop to the floor gripping his hand as blazing bolts of searing, explosive agony tore up and down his right arm. Causing him to let loose a string of obscenities so long, and loud Carlin himself would've asked for him to show some class.

“SHIT PISSING, FUCK MOTHERING, GODDAMNING, CUNT SUCKING, COCK SHINING, TITLESS SONOFABITCH IN HEAT! Why it always the goddamned right?!” He bemoaned through gritted teeth, trying and failing to suppress the all but blinding pain shooting through his throbbing right hand. Wondering why, whenever he needed to take a more hands-on approach to curbing his little anxiety attacks, he always went with his right hand over his left? Seeing as the birthmarks he received coming to Equestria had nearly taken away most of the feeling along that half of his body.

Flexing his fingers a few times, Matthias could at least feel that he hadn’t broken anything with his coping. But from the somewhat sluggish movements and stretching sensation he felt each time he opened and closed his hand, he could definitely tell that it had begun to swell.

With a frustrated sigh, he slid the cake box that had somehow stuck with him during his mad dash down the corridor from around his wrist, lest it get stuck behind the rapidly expanding flesh. Once both of his hands were free, he began to run his less damaged one along the wall standing to his left, pausing when his fingertips brushed against a couple of smooth, pea-sized specks of glass seemingly embedded into the rock. Needing a little extra light, Matthias reached into his pocket, wincing a bit as the tender skin rubbed against the soft, silk-like fabric of his coat until he was able to slip out his phone and switch on the flashlight function, revealing a glistening granite face blemished with what looked like dozens of little deposits of quartz crystal.

However, if one were to take a closer look at the specks of light shining in the rough-hewn stone, they’d notice a shoddy grid pattern formed from the speckled points of light.

Now able to see the full breadth and width of the crystals peppering the wall, Matthias began dragging a finger from one point to the next, a line of arcane light trailing behind wherever his finger brushed against stone or crystal. Forming the outline of what appeared to be a sloppy looking sun.

After another thirty or so seconds of playing connect-the-dots, the whole wall started to glow. Having connected the last point on the eight pointed sun he had been tracing, the crude drawing suddenly morphed into a perfect rendition of the sun emblazoned on Celestia’s flanks, its flaming tips flickering and swirling on some unseen breeze.

But Matthias wasn’t quite done yet. Reaching a finger into the fiery mass, he began carving a waxing crescent along the outer edge of the sun. A dark stain of navy blue beginning to fill in the yellow sphere wherever he dragged his finger. Finishing with a broad flourish of his hand once he had retraced the sun’s perimeter, uniting the two heavenly bodies in a formation that always reminded Matthias of his favorite King anthology.

With the hearts and talents of both Royal Pony Sisters finally together as one, their combined marks flew off its place on the wall and slammed itself into the door, finally revealing a handle which Matthias could pull on to let him get inside of his closet/dressing room.

Sensing that somebody had taken a step into the spacious walk-in closet, a trio of warm yellow gems lit up on the ceiling, spilling down and basking the room in a gentle, radiant light that illuminated the rows of mostly empty shelves. Which wasn’t to say Matthias kept little in regards to either formal wear or dress clothes, after eight months in Equestria he must've been fit for at least three or so dozen different business suits as well as casual wear. But this was Celestia’s old suite. And no self-respecting demigoddess and incarnation of the sun should ever be forced to live somewhere without the space needed to store the several centuries worth of gowns and garments gifted and commissioned for her over her long and shining rule. At least, that's what the architects and geomancers were thinking at the time when they were first designing her private chambers.

Of course, for Matthias who had owned all of six suits throughout his professional career, a closet more spacious than the old single story flat he used to live in while helping take care of his grandma seemed a bit far out. Especially considering that the majority of his custom casual wear was kept in the dressers and wardrobe near and around his bed. All the while preferring to keep his work clothes for the next day draped over the chair next to his bureau so he could just get up and walk out the door when he woke up, rather than go into another room and climb a ladder just so he could find a clean coat and shirt.

Really, he found the space far more useful as a second foyer and antechamber should he ever have to get to and from the Lunar Quadrant at a brisk pace. Plus, it was also nice that after a hard day at work and a long night with Luna, especially one as… eventful as this one had been, the first thing he could do upon coming home was just peel out of his dress clothes and slip into the spare sweats and a t-shirt he’d have left out.

Turning back to the door he licked his thumb and wiped it over the crescent moon, restoring the sun back to prominence and sealing up the door once again. After giving the doorway a couple hearty pats to make sure it wasn’t going to give any ground, he finally let himself relax some, dropping his cake box off to the side before emptying his pockets.

Placing his phone and keys on one of the nearby shelves, lest they wind up in the wash, he began to disrobe, kicking off his shoes and throwing his coat and shirt in the bin marked darks. Because even in a world where the majority of the populace looked like they’d been bathing in kool-aid all their lives, there was still no greater sin than mixing your whites with your darks.

Once freed of his dress pants and shirt, he slipped on a pair navy blue sweats and the shale gray t-shirt he wore to bed most nights, pocketing his phone and keys before scooping his cake case up off the floor. But as he reached to pick out tomorrow’s dress ensemble, he was finally able to get a good look at the horror show his hand had become over the course of the night and froze.

His knuckles were all but torn to shreds, with dried blood and avulsed skin staining him down to the second joint on his middle and index fingers. Matthias couldn’t really get a good read on the extent of the actual injury, seeing as the area around the wound had swollen up one and a half times its normal size. Although, from what he could see, he could tell the skin running along the tops of his ring, middle, and index fingers had been split open, with the entire area immediately surrounding them bruised an unhealthy looking rusty purple.

Deciding that first-aid took precedence over picking out tomorrow’s suit, Matthias left his clothes and keys behind, but pocketed his phone and slid what was left of his cake under his arm, because damn good cake always takes precedence over bodily harm. Carefully shifting the sugary treasure so that he not only put the bare amount of pressure on his busted hand, but so he could push aside the twin glass sliding doors emblazoned with Celestia’s cutie mark and hurry his way over to his kitchen’s sink.

Now, while nowhere near as resplendent as Celestia’s current abode, her previous dwellings were nothing to scoff at either. The common area of the aptly named Princess Suite was a sprawling space large enough to house an entire ranch cottage with room to spare. Mostly dedicated to a spacious lounging and living area fully furnished with all manner of recliners, bean bag chairs, and couches. Each one strategically spaced and placed so that those resting upon them could enjoy the maximum amount of heat and warmth given off by the elaborate brass and gold fireplace done up in various sun and moon motifs.

Off to the side, hugging the same wall, was a fairly generous half bar and liquor cabinet, should Matthias ever need to entertain his guests, stocked with a wide variety of mostly untouched wines and spirits. Since his guests were usually limited to just three particular mares, and alcohol had never really been a vice he had graciously indulged in.

No, his vice could be seen spreading and wrapping its way up and around most of the walls along the ground floor and the entirety of the second story.

Books.

After it had been determined that there was no known safe or surefire method of sending Matthias back home, Celestia immediately offered him residency within the castle. An offer he was somewhat hesitant about, but accepted nonetheless, seeing as he had nowhere else to go at the time. Only asking that whatever space she deemed fit to give him be spacious and bereft of any exposed stone, and if he wasn’t already asking for too much, that it be filled with that which he had dedicated his life to.

So one can imagine how shocked Matthias must have been when Celestia not only offered him her old room for him to live in but had totally redecorated it in order to accommodate him. Ordering and bringing in extra shelving to cover the majority of the cream-white walls and donating a generous portion from her private library to try and fill in the gaps. Though even with Celestia’s sizable endowments, he had nowhere near enough books or scrolls to fill in all the shelves on all the walls on both the ground level and the loft above. But over the past eight months, he and Twilight had been able to put a sizeable dent in the empty pockets of space. Filling in at least two and a half walls from floor to ceiling with every manner of book, tome or scroll, ranging from histories, treatises on arcane theory and all genres of fiction running the gambit from surreal, historical, and magical. With the books most highly recommended by Celestia and Twilight, both for his education and enjoyment, filling the shelves lining the walls of Matthias' Master Bedroom/Private Study.

Matthias chose to ignore these comforts, however, choosing instead to head over to the tiny little kitchenette hugging the right wall towards the front of the sprawling suite. One of the only corners of his new home not filled to the brim with books or parchment, aside from the master bath, the areas directly above and around the fireplace, and the far wall at the back whose door sized windows gave way to and displayed the outdoor balcony and patio area.

Walking over to sink, he turned the rightmost nozzle to full blast so he could run his hand through the jet of icy water, an old shiver racking his body where the cold fluid touched his skin:

“Sweet Cthulhu beneath the sea,” he exclaimed in a harsh gasp as he started cleaning out the wound, “The fuck is going on with me tonight? It’s been six months since that asshole’s come a-knockin’! Shit! It feels like I just got my collar off or something.”

It had been an easy enough time for Matthias during those first frantic months after waking up in that hospital bed. What with the ponies hauling him here or there to get injected with this and that, all with the occasional look of fright or disgust from the staff and guards. Really, all things he had gotten used to up to that point. It was only when Twilight had gotten him up and talking again, however, that things had started to take a turn.

Because out of all the eye-gouging, hair-whitening, mouth-frothing madness he had suffered through while living in the Deeps, the loss of his voice seemed like a minor triviality compared to most of what he had had to endure. Oh sure, while living mute among the ponies had had its disadvantages, it mattered little to him seeing he could just write out or sign whatever he needed, and the princesses were more than willing to spare the time for an actual conversation with him.

And yet as soon the collar came off, it was as if the gulf seemingly separating himself and the ponies had shrunk, and even more so than his first viewing of the Equestrian sky, hammered home the horrors he had gone through. Oh sure, suddenly, and violently, transitioning from a life of near constant abuse and degradation to one of relative comfort and respect had been jarring for the human, to say the least. Some days he was just unable to keep up with the constant stream of new inputs and stimuli and would have to hide himself somewhere dark and quiet so he could reign himself in.

But with his voice restored and communication made that much more comfortable, not only did the ponies begin opening up to him more and genuinely start to recognize him as a thinking, feeling being. Even Matthias himself had started to recognize the full scope and weight of what had been done to him, and with that recognition came the legitimate and overwhelming fear that it may happen to him again.

That dread manifesting itself in twisted dreams that haunted him most days and nights, ranging from subtle fantasies such as the castle collapsing back into the Deeps. To full-blown flashbacks of him still living in the caves, his time in Equestria having been nothing more than a simple fugue formed to escape from whatever nightmare he had been enduring at the time.

And then, of course, there was fucking Rom-

Matthias flinched violently, having clenched his fist forcefully to try to get a feel for its range of motion, and cut off any further thoughts of that asshole.

Turning off the water, he gave his hand another once over to see if he had been able to wash off the accumulated dirt and blood staining his fingers and was satisfied when he saw that most of it had been cleared away. Though there was still the matter of the hanging skin and his swollen digits and while his old lifeguarding training had taught him to wrap and bandage such sites in the case of the former. It had also taught him never to jeopardize circulation in the case of the latter, so he chose to forgo the bandages and walked over to his fridge instead.

Grabbing a dish towel along the way and wrapping it into a crude looking bag, he stuck it under the ice dispenser and filled it slightly so he could rest it atop his inflated fist, wincing from both the pain of his injury and the sudden shift in temperature.

“A-alright, that oughta hold for a spell,” he said with a pained wince, grimacing a bit as he flexed his fingers a few times, “now just gotta figure out what to do till Lu-”

And it was at that moment Matthias remembered that Luna was going to be in his room, and possibly in bed with him, within the next couple hours and here he was with a bruised and bloody hand having had another three attacks in the past… fifteen minutes if he was reading the old grandmother clock in the corner correctly.

Walking over to get a closer look at the ornate timepiece, he pulled out his phone again to compare the digital clock to the Roaman Numerals (Urggggggh) on the clock face. Just to be doubly sure, he then checked his calendar app on his phone to make sure there weren’t any daylight savings scheduled for the next day but saw that the lumen count requested for tomorrow would allow for the standard times for both sunup and sundown.

With a heavy and tired sigh, he fell back into one of the bean bag chairs littering the lounge area and just shut his eyes, trying his best not to think too much on what may or may not happen when Luna was finished with her meeting.

Once again he tried tempering his hopes, wanting to try and look at the situation rationally and objectively, and if all possible, restore his frayed nerves to the state they were in before his old friends decided to pay him a visit. But like an animal who can sense an encroaching disaster looming on the horizon, Matthias couldn’t help but feel that a seismic shift in the very dynamic of his relationship with Luna was coming, and he wasn’t sure if he was prepared for that.

Wanting to find some means of either distracting himself for the next couple hours or, at the very least, loosening the corded nerves that were threatening to dislocate his everything, Matthias briefly considered cracking open the bottle of Sammler his oversized buddy in the City Watch had been able to “confiscate” for him. But despite the slight tremors shaking his body, and his sudden craving for the taste of burning licorice, he didn't want to partake in anything that may further impair his judgment. Because even though she hadn't expressly forbidden it, he felt that alcohol fell under the umbrella of drinks and activities Luna had asked him not to partake in, at least in spirit.

But as Matthias turned to look at his liquor cabinet longingly, a flashing red light from the front of his room caught his eye, temporarily drawing his focus away from what may or not be happening in his bedroom with Luna before the sun rose again.

After staring at the rhythmic blinking for a few more minutes, trying to match his runaway thoughts and musings to the slower count of the light shining from his letter box, it finally clicked for the human that he hadn’t picked up or read his mail for the day, and that he should check to make sure he hadn’t accidentally gotten any of Celestia’s mail again.

Walking across the plush white carpeting to the area immediately left of his front door, his bare feet sinking slightly into the cloud-soft fibers lining the floor, Matthias slid open the grate-like door of his mailbox and pulled out a few envelopes, as well as a small package a little bit bigger than his hand. After making sure he had emptied the box completely and checking to see that the signal light wasn’t going to come back on, Matthias began making his way towards his bedroom, shifting the parcel under his arm while sifting through the letters, all surprisingly addressed to him this time around.

As Matthias scanned through the stack of envelopes, he found the usual mix of advertisements and requests he’d been getting since he was given residency and probationary citizenship in Equestria, as well as a few personal invitations he’d either torch or hide in one of the drawers in his desk:

A leaflet from Flash Dance asking for his vote to defend her seat in the House of Commons (Gotta another four months before I can vote, better luck next time).

A flier for 20% off all custom orders at Pie Crusts through Sunday (Already have a deal going but maybe Tia will want to try something new).

Another offer from that jackass, the literal and figurative kind, wanting to purchase the copy of The Six Gates of the Kingdom of Chaos Twilight and him had found together (Take a hint already. It ain’t happening ya jackass!)

An invitation to partake in an upcoming summit to help discuss and design the preliminary procedures and protocols for the establishment of the newly commissioned Combined Court of Canterlot...

Wait... what?!

Matthias' master bedroom was housed on the ground floor along the far back wall of his suite, just right of the common and lounge areas. It came with all the luxuries one would expect from the former quarters of a mystical monarch: a porch-like patio where one could enjoy the gorgeous view of the Equestrian countryside, a king-sized bed, and had complete, instantaneous access to both the master bath and walk-in closet, as well as a spiral staircase that lead up to the lofts on the second floor.

And of course, much like the rest of his home, whatever walls weren’t holding any doors or windows, or near anything potentially wet and or flammable, held shelves upon rows, upon stacks of books, manuscripts, and guides given to him by Twilight, Luna, and Celestia that led all the way up to the ceiling. The most highly recommended and valuable of which were stored in and centered around, a rather resplendent and ornate desk set near his bed, locked behind thick layers of glass and a series of intricately woven wards carved into the dark redwood.

Slapping the rest of his mail onto his little workspace, he went about double checking the letter to make sure he hadn’t misread the thing or that it was, in fact, real and not another phantom conjured up by his sleep addled brain. However, after re-reading, smelling, touching, crinkling, and licking the letter for the third time in a row, he had to accept the fact that it was, in fact, real, and that he had effectively been given a seat and the table.

The letter was nearly a word for word transcript of the summons delivered to Luna, most likely having been produced in bulk to avoid having to rewrite the same post over and over again. Oh sure there were some key differences to be found, it was addressed to Matthias Martin, Scholar of Earth, and Advisor to the Sun and Moon, for a start, and had a P. S., Yes you are there to participate tacked on to the end.

“Dammit mare I'm a teacher, not a political scientist,” he cried, calling upon his inner Carl Urban because DeForest Kelly never actually swore on the original run of the show.

Thoughts of what the fuck Luna had planned for him tonight shifted completely to what the fuck Celestia was thinking as he once more found himself beginning to spiral.

“Seriously Tia what do you expect me to do there?”

It's not like he hadn't expected to attend the committee, after all by this point he was basically Luna and Tia’s number one assistant, so he would have to be there to help take notes, provide refreshments, and keep things organized, it having been his and Celestia’s brainchild and all.

But what the invitation in front of him entailed was that he would be there as an equal amongst the movers, rulers, and shakers of Equestria. Making him directly responsible for a cultural institution whose impacts would have far-reaching consequences for the ponies of Equestria.

“And once again Cthulhu shits in my dinner,” he said with a resigned sigh. Slumping into his chair and dropping his head onto his desk while cradling it in his arms, mimicking the pose he had found Celestia in earlier this evening as a whole new set of frets and worries began lining up in front of him, bashing bottles and snapping pool cues in preparation for the inevitable shit show to come.

And it was all just a bit too much for the frazzled human.

So with his plan to distract himself from the implications of Luna’s possible advances having backfired spectacularly now that he was faced with not one but two problems he couldn’t immediately resolve on his own. And given how flighty he’d been all evening, he was fairly certain he wasn’t gonna make it another hour, let alone two, without coming undone for an eighth time. So as much as he didn’t want to disappoint Luna, he had to knock himself out before he lost it once again.

Reaching down into one of the drawers lining the legs of his desk, Matthias pulled out his little pouch of Sopor Spores, wondering absent-mindedly if he could meet out enough of the powder to stay passed out only until Luna arrived. But he remembered the words of the strange zebra apothecary Twilight had introduced him to:

Two spoonfuls brewed just right

Will carry you dreamless through the night

So he decided not to tempt fate by messing with the prescribed dosage of an otherworldly narcotic.

But just as Matthias was about to make his way back over to his suite's cozy little kitchen and set his special kettle to boil, he remembered that he still had one last package to open, and nearly shit himself when he saw that it was from Twilight.

“OH DEAR GOD WHY?!” he screamed before dropping the little wooden box back onto his desk and vaulting over the mattress, hitting the floor and assuming that useless duck and cover position they still make kids use in schools for earthquake and tornado drills after the “commies imminent bombing of our children” never came to pass.

After several seconds of quiet, Matthias picked his head up, eyeing the small wooden parcel as if it were a live bomb. A not too far off approximation, considering Twilight’s propensity towards the arcane often resulted in unintentionally explosive consequences whenever she tried to mail him things magically.

Matthias remembered the day both fondly and fearfully. He and Celestia had been working through a speech she was going to give before the Houses later in the week addressing growing concerns amidst their constituents about the increasing presence of the now reformed changelings within the borders of Equestria.

They had just finished hashing out the initial draft and decided a little tea and some lemon bars were in order before breaking it down and building it back up again. But just as Matthias had finished pouring Celestia her cup of Countess Gray, he had to tackle the princess to the floor when a flaming wad paper all but blew up in his face. After spending the next couple minutes wiping the soot off of his face, as well as assuring herself that he was alright and unharmed, Celestia had to throw both him and herself back to the floor when another ball of burning paper came flying at him, nearly blowing his head off in the process.

It had later been discovered by the pair that Twilight had simply been testing out whether or not the enchanted letters the princesses used would link to Matthias in the same way they could home in on Celestia and Luna. Of course, that had only been after Matthias and Celestia had spent the next couple hours ducking and dodging a series of progressively more frequent fireballs that no amount of distance, wards, or circles of protection seemed to slow down. And ever since then, Twilight had gone full Ahab trying to figure out what had gone wrong and how she could circumvent that little hiccup, resulting in many a singed coat and eyebrow amongst the pair. So Matthias began taking the necessary precautions for handling any unknown package from Twilight:

Step 1, move the potentially explosive/flammable object away from the books. Remember clothes, bed sheets, and you can be replaced, knowledge cannot.

Grabbing a spare set of linens from the cubby-like drawers built beneath his bed frame, Matthias wrapped his arms and hands in the silky cloth before slowly, and gingerly, picking up the box and placing it at the foot of his bed.

Step 2, open the balcony. Create a low-pressure zone for the fire and smell to flow out of if necessary.

Moving to the paned glass door, Matthias undid the decorative hook latch and opened the door to the little outdoor patio that hung from the side of the castle. The view of the lands leading down to and around Ponyville was just short of breathtaking, and he had spent many an evening simply lazing about in the balcony's weather warded chairs with Twilight and Luna. Passing a bottle of champagne back and forth between the three as they discussed the ins and outs of human culture or just soaking his troubles away in the jacuzzi, with whatever book Twilight had recommended for him that week. But such luxuries would have to wait until a time when there wasn't a potentially explosive message from a manic mare lying on his bed.

Step 3, magically induced fire still has all the properties of regular fire. Remember you've been burned once before and it was not fun.

It was one of the more peculiar quirks to his magical resistance that the princesses had discovered in their continued, though less frequent, examinations of the human. That while in most instances projected magic would do precisely dick to him, there were actually some circumstances whereby the arcane could not only touch Matthias but even hurt him.

Ponies just had to, as Doc P had put it, “get creative.”

For example, a basic levitation spell cast his way would unravel if it touched any exposed skin or hair on him. But if the same pony were to try and pick Matthias up by his clothes or target the chair he was sitting in, he’d find himself flying through the air with either a massive wedgie or looking like the groom at a Jewish wedding reception.

Or if he ever found himself on the receiving end of a bolt of magical lightning, he could just brush it away like a bubble riding the wind. However, if somepony had run that same bolt into a length of chain or a metal rod and smacked him with it, then Matthias would’ve gotten the ever loving fuck tased out of him.

And of course, there was no chance in hell Matthias would ever forget how the heat generated from magically induced-flames still carried all the same thermodynamic properties as their natural born counterpart. The patches of bare skin running up and down his right arm and the scar from his impromptu appendectomy were a constant reminder that he was resistant to magic, not immune to it.

Heading into his bathroom, Matthias grabbed the still damp towel from his earlier shower and draped it over his head, then shoved the sheet he had grabbed earlier into the sink and soaked it slightly before wrapping it around his shoulders like a moist cape. Walking back into his room, he ducked at the foot of his bed once again, scanning the little box while trying to determine the best angle from which he could attack it.

Step 4, it's magic bitch! This shit can turn frogs into oranges and rework the Laws of everything! So ensure you’ve burned the appropriate offerings to the right gods and prepare for anything!

Unfortunately, the poor man lacked the necessary goat and ceremonial dagger to perform a proper sacrifice, so he made peace with whatever mad horse god ran this realm and readied himself for the inevitable fireball 3 out of 5 packages from Twilight tended to end in.

Studying the little wooden parcel, he saw that it opened from the top on a swing latch. So, in an effort to minimize the potential damage and possibly stall for more time, he ever so slightly shifted the box, so that it lay on its back. Hoping that when he dropped the top, the potential blast would fly in the direction of the open patio door.

Steeling himself with one last shaky breath, Matthias girded his loins and with trembling fingers, reached out and opened the innocuous looking package and...

Nothing!

Breathing a sigh of relief loud enough to drown out the comically timed crickets, Matthias stood up from behind his bed to peer inside the now open container.

Sticking out of the packing straw spilling onto his sheets, Matthias spied a piece of paper tied around a glassy looking bauble. Fairly sure that Twilight wasn’t crazy enough to have shoved shredded cardboard into a box with something potentially combustible, he reached in and undid the wrapping’s coarse string, spying words printed on the other side of the parchment while doing so:

Dear May Matthias,

I hope this package finds you well. Inside you'll find what I hope will be the solution to the long-distance communication problem we've been experiencing. At your earliest convenience, please insert the enclosed gem into the matching indentation carved into the top your desk’s vanity and wait for the glass to glow red before touching it. Then just wait for it!

Love
Your Friend,
Twilight Sparkle

Okaaay? Matthias thought as he turned his focus back towards the polished stone laying on his bed.

It was a relatively simple looking gem: deep red, barely big enough to fit in the small of his palm, and carved flat on both sides with four facets cut along the edges. All of which was set within a hair-thin line of gold circling it's outer rim, giving it the impression of a rupee out of any Legend of Zelda game. But what really caught his eye and made the piece stand out in his mind, was the tiny silver feather laying across the just as tiny and sterling crescent moon. Both somehow either grown or teleported into the stone since Matthias couldn’t feel any scuff or indentation to indicate that they had been scratched or carved in.

For a moment he thought to just store the little jewel in his drawer and leave it until tomorrow, figuring there’d be no way in hell Twilight would still be up to see if whatever cockamaney scheme she had cooked up would work. Until he remembered that this was Twilight freaking Sparkle, he was talking about here. The same mare who had started to scramble an entire squad of Sols to go out and look for him when he’d been running a few minutes late for their fourth bi-weekly study session.

“So yeah, she's definitely still waiting for me to put it in,” he figured, his inner twelve-year-old laughing at the double entendre.

Palming the intricately crafted gem, he walked back over to his desk and began unlocking the vanity mirror that had come attached to the lectern. Though he rarely ever used the little luxury for its intended purpose, preferring to use the mirror in his bathroom to make sure what was left of his face was presentable. He did enjoy the extra surface area its little folding doors offered when he needed to pin up notes for either work or pleasure. And, most importantly, it was the place he hung the photos and pictures of all the happy memories he'd made since his rescue:

A newspaper clipping detailing his Welcome to Equestria Ceremony.

How these gossipy little horses kept me a secret for two months is beyond me.

A photograph of Celestia tackling Matthias to the ground after he had plucked the tiara off her head and proclaimed himself ruler of Equestria

Good thing it was Cadence who found us and not Shiny, if that hadn't motivated him to finish me off, nothing would.

Another snapshot showing him holding up a star Luna had conjured up while she tried to keep its temperature at a level he could touch

Seriously, how the fuck does the sky work around here?

And one with Twilight and Matthias sleeping beneath a pile of books in the Royal Canterlot Library

Why are the hardbacks in the Cultural Studies section so soft?

As well as a variety of lists and checklists detailing the various books he had finished reading, were still reading, and ones Twilight had told him to be on the lookout for.

Once he had made sure everything was set up and moved out of the way, he found an indentation hidden amongst the decorative floral filigrees lining the top of the mirror that the gem could fit in to. And after a bit of twiddling and with some careful positioning, Matthias was able to pop it into place with a sharp and satisfying *CLICK*.

With the ornate little stone safely secured within the ornately carved leaves and vines, the dark red gem began to hum and thrum with power. Arcane energies seemingly flowing out from it and into the mirror, causing the whole desk to tremble and shake slightly as the glass took on a rosy red hue.

“Oh fuck not again!” was all he managed to shout out before hitting the deck behind his bed for a second time, falling back on the whole “red means you're dead” mentality that had been drilled into his skull while he was growing up.

Though much to his immediate shock and joy, he found himself, and his room, still in one piece. The sounds of rattling wood and shaking shelves dying down slightly, leaving only the fluttering of some disheveled papers and ringing glass in its wake.

Poking his head out from behind his bed, Matthias found that the subtle lights dancing about his room were now being bolstered by a gentle red glow shining off his mirror’s now glimmering glass. Looking the shimmering vanity over with less trepidation and more curiosity, Matthias began slowly making his way back over to his desk, no longer convinced it was going to shatter into a shower of searing shrapnel.

The light seemed to behave almost like a liquid, as each step he took towards his workstation seemed to cause a series of ripples to flow and flicker across the mirror’s formerly glassy surface. Reaching his hand out gingerly, Matthias brushed a few tentative fingers along the pool of light’s glistening surface, sending more and more waves waltzing within the confines of the mirror’s wooden frame. Reasonably sure that the gem had accomplished whatever function Twilight had designed it to complete, Matthias was confident he could keep touching it without potentially damaging it or disrupting its internal magics. So he continued to run and drag his fingers through the incandescent liquid, drawing senseless shapes and patterns that lit Matthias' face up with an almost childlike sense of awe and wonder. Idly noting how with each pass of his hand, more and more of the color seemed to be pulled from the glass.

However, as the fluorescent fluid began to settle once again, Matthias started to notice a subtle shifting within the now milky white light. Where previously there had been nothing but a pool of ruby opaqueness, Matthias could now see some vague shapes and images starting to form within the shining pool; all obscured by a weird sort of mist coating the surface. Moving closer to try and make out what it was that he was seeing, a sudden swathe of purple flooded the mirror, drawing quick counterclockwise circles in the glass and brushing away the fog.

Revealing a freshly showered Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and all around biggest bookworm Matthias had ever met, pressing her hand into the glass.

However, the title of princess could be misleading to some, seeing as Twilight neither reigned over an aspect of the Equestrian cosmology like the royal pony sisters did, nor did she have any ruling or executive power like the pink one up North. No, she served as more of a teacher and goodwill ambassador than anything, helping to spread the ideals of Friendship and the values of Harmony throughout the nation and beyond, alongside those friends closest to her that made up what Matthias always pictured as a less egotistical and cutthroat Small Council.

But titles and jurisdiction hardly seemed relevant at this point, considering what the purple pony princess was currently wearing, or not wearing as was the case.

Her hair was wrapped up in a bright white towel, a few strands of her blueish, purple and pink mane slipping out of its fluffy confines. While a similarly colored towel clung to her slender frame, her chest giving just enough perch for it to hang from her body and keep Matthias from seeing a side of Twilight no man or pony had ever seen since the day she was born. Currently, the lavender alicorn was fiddling about with the drawers beneath her sink, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth as she sorted through her various toiletries, giving Matthias a decent down shirt view of her petite breasts.

Can it be considered a down shirt if she’s not wearing a shirt… No, bad! Bad May! Bad!

A muffled cheer sounded from the other side of the mirror as Twilight found whatever it was she was looking for, placing a bottle of what appeared to be mouthwash on top of the counter before turning to face the mirror, and a beat red Matthias.

For the next several seconds there was nothing but silence as the half-naked princess and the blushing human just stared each other down from across the mystic bridge Twilight had somehow cobbled together with whatever voodoo/hoodoo bullshit she had pulled out her ass. That was until the little book horse broke the silence with a spit take, and an honest to Cthulhu squeal of delight:

“Oh yes, yes, yes it worked, it worked, it worked,” Twilight cheered as she started jumping in place, loosening her towel ever so slightly with each leap she took, causing it to slip and reveal more of the valley formed from her purple pony pillows.

It was at this point that Propriety and Perversion began launching an all-out offensive on Matthias' circulatory system. Each fussing and fighting to try and wrench control of his blood flow from the other to send it either North or South respectfully. Until Propriety got some unexpected backup from Reason, screaming at the top of his lungs that this was his friend he was perving on and that she probably wouldn't appreciate some charbroiled freak ogling her. So before Twilight could carry on with her accidental striptease, Matthias threw his forearm over his eyes and screamed out over her innocent jubilance:

“Twi! Towel!”

The human's frantic tone and the sudden shift in his body language snapped Twilight out of her happy little yes dance, care and concern carving their way onto her muzzle as she tried to process what was causing her friend such distress. But it was only after she had noticed how red Matthias' face had gotten and had felt a slight draft blowing up and down her still damp coat did she remember where she was and how she was dressed and let out an embarrassed little *eep.*

Clutching the towel tight across her glistening body, and turning three shades of purple darker out of embarrassment, she quickly tried to stammer out an apology to try and diffuse the awkwardness:

“Oh my gosh I'm so sorry May, I mean Matthias. Normally Luna sends you off to bed by 1:30, but when I got no response, I figured that you two must have gotten caught up in something. So I thought I’d have time to finish the bimonthly reshelving, but it took a bit longer and was much more ‘dusty’ than I anticipated, so I wanted to freshen up. But I didn't want to leave the charm unattended in case you activated it while I was showering, so I brought it with me and set it in-”

“I get it, I get it, you can send me the abstract once you've got some clothes on!” Matthias cut in hoping to nip her runaway ramblings in the bud.

“Oh right, sorry again,” she said with a flustered little chuckle, “Listen, I'm going to disconnect the gem from my end now, okay? When your mirror glows red just swipe your hand along the field to re-establish the connection. Got it?”

“Got it!”

“Okay, talk to you in a second.”

Taking this as a sign that it was safe for him to open his eyes again, Matthias was once again assaulted by Twilight’s toweled tits being shoved into his face. Only this time, her modest mounds were much more pronounced as she pressed and leaned herself forward to try and finagle with whatever magical doo-dad had made this mystical video chat possible. However, before Matthias could get a chance to truly appreciate the sizeable crevice formed from Twilight’s delicate B-cups, the magic powering the mirror cut off, revealing nothing but Matthias' flushed face staring back at him.

“Oh blessed Belial these ponies are going to be the death of me,” Matthias groaned, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before sparing a glance back at the mirror. Relieved and disappointed to see only his flustered face reflected in the mirror, his skin slowly but surely returning to its typical red and white hues.

Now it wasn’t like Matthias had never had any passing thoughts or fantasies concerning his three undeniably attractive and beautiful friends. Despite what many thought about him here and back home, he was still a healthy, virile young man who had particular needs and desires. Desires that had been becoming more and more difficult to taper off and ignore due to the increasing physicality of the princesses’ affections as of late, doubly so now that he was actually entertaining the idea that one may be trying to court him. It also didn’t help that each seemed to call out and appeal to him in their own unique and varied ways.

With Celestia, it was her near limitless compassion and wicked sense of humor. Whether it was something as grand as sponsoring him for permanent residency and citizenship within Equestria, or something as simple as taking the time to share her lunch with him out in the garden. The Solar Princess always did her best to try and make him feel welcomed and wanted in his new home. It was also nice knowing that despite being constantly surrounded by a bunch of prim and proper prudes all day and night, that there was still at least one pony who appreciated a little vulgarity and some gallows humor in her life. Which also helped to bolster and reinforce her near-constant teasing and the seemingly endless supply of double entendre she’d been refining for well over a thousand years. Plus it's kinda hard to ignore those D-cup sized breasts and shapely rear when she’s regularly pulling his head into her chest or demanding piggybacks from him.

Then there was Luna, who despite lacking the maturity and patience her sister often carried with her, had won Matthias’ heart over with both her boundless drive and her seemingly saint-like degrees of empathy and understanding. Always going out of her way to try and be there for him whenever he needed a friend. And always coming up with new and inventive ways to make him blush. Whether it was using the right kind or loving words at just the right time, or by constantly cuddling up to him. Laying her toned yet gentle curves across him, wrapping him up in her firm and fit legs while smashing her impressive C-cups against him.

VRRRRRMMMMMMM

A subtle shaking and a gentle red glow drew Matthias' attention back towards his mirror, its spotless surface now burning in a soft red sheen. Recalling Twilight’s words from earlier, he made to pass his hand through the cascading red light but paused as a devilish thought crossed his mind. Reaching over to grab one of the oil lamps off the top of his desk, he removed both the shade and glass flame catcher, exposing the lighted wick to the open air.

Remembering the way Twilight’s image had behaved when they talked earlier, Matthias moved the lamp so that the flame was now flickering just below the gem, while he made sure to stand off to the side before following through with her instructions. Listening for whether or not lightning would strike twice for Twilight and her magic.

“May? Matthias? Can you hear me?” came the voice of his favorite purple alicorn. And on cue, he lifted up the lamp he was holding so that its flame was now dancing in front of the carved crystal.

“COUGH COUGH OH GOD COUGH COUGH IT’S-IT’S EVERYWHERE!” Matthias screamed amidst a supposed sea of flames. Forcing out a few dry and meaty coughs to really try and sell it.

“OMIGOSH, May!? May?! Talk to me May. Are you okay?!” came the voice of the panicked princess through the mirror.

“COUGH COUGH D-DAMMIT TWILIGHT COUGH WHY DOES COUGH WHY DOES EVERYTHING EXPLODE AROUND YOU!”

“Oh sweet Celestia, hold on May! I’m on my-” but her words of concern were snuffed out with the light of the lamp, the shrill shriek of metal grating against metal causing her to wince as the flames died down with each turn of some unseen key. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the room reflected in the pool of shifting light to be pristine and safe once again. And her friend sitting back at his desk, his head perched upon his left hand and a poorly concealed shit-eating grin plastered across his face.

“But, w-wait! What did you… how did you…?”

Matthias laughed as his friend’s glistening mane began to pop out and unravel at seemingly random intervals, a noticeable twitch forming just below her right eye. Not wanting to torment the poor mare too much, judging by the rate at which her chest was heaving beneath her star-studded purple PJs, she was beginning to work herself into a full-on Sparkle level meltdown. He flicked his ring finger against the lamp at his side a few times before lighting it back up to show her where the flame had come from, causing Twilight’s jaw to drop.

“Oh come on! It couldn’t’ve been… Are you telling me you…? How did you even know to…? Oh get bucked Matthias! Hard!”

And that was all it took to shatter Matthias' already waning composure into a million little pieces. Because much like any episode of Angry Beavers, all of Code Monkeys Season 1, and every SYFY movie made after 2010, Twilight cursing was as close to a surefire guarantee to get Matthias laughing like a damned fool as one could find.

“Heh… Heh Heh… Hey, find me a mare willing and able Twily and I’ll gladly take you up on that offer.” He said after finally reigning in his giggles, and nearly losing it once again at Twilight’s subsequent blush.

“Urgggh how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that? You sound like my brother whenever he tried to get me to go outside and play or something.”

“And how many times do I have to tell you that’s it's alright for you to call me May and not just Matthias? I mean it's short, monosyllabic, and still a hell of a lot better than what the dogs used to call me.”

“B-but we spent such a long time trying to figure out how to pronounce your name,” she sputtered out, not expecting Matthias to go down that particular route, especially with such ease and so nonchalantly, “I… I just thought you’d like being called by your real name after so long!”

“Yeah… well… I appreciate the sentiment.” He said sheepishly, feeling like an ass in the face of the pure and honest affection both her words and her eyes were carrying for him. “It’s just… every time I hear one of you call me that now, I feel like I’m back in high school, and one of my teachers is calling me out for reading in the middle of their lectures.”

“Heh heh… I take it that used happened a lot?”

“Enough to be considered that asshole among the teaching staff.”

“You ever get in trouble?”

“Not a lick.”

“How’d you pull that off.”

“Meh… grades never dropped below an A-, so they had no grounds to say that I wasn’t attending. And I led most discussions and study groups so it not like I wasn’t contributing to the class either. Sure I squeaked by Calc with just a B-, but that stuff’s the Devil’s work,” he said with a scowl, holding up the index and pinky fingers on his left hand and spitting through them, “so there was no real loss of sleep there.”

“Pffft, come on Matth-May, it’s just breaking down complex shapes into more easily measurable ones, and determining rates of change based on specified limits.”

“Yeah, and if it was really that simple, why’d the teacher tell us to buy $200 calculators if we wanted to complete her class?”

“Because clearly she had cut a deal with the distributor and was receiving a cut of the profits.” She said without pause or hesitation. A look of earnest expectation shining across her muzzle.

“Why Miss Twilight, I’m shocked that you could just assume the worst in somebody like that!” he said, reeling back in his seat in an overly exaggerated manner as his left hand came up to clutch at his chest.

“Oh… uh, sorry. I just thought-”

“I mean… maybe she didn’t want to overload her students by having to teach them the individual formulae for Sine, Cosine, and Tangent. Maybe, she didn’t want us going through reams of graphing paper in order to show our work. Or maybe, she was just looking out for us since it was an Advanced Placement class that counted as a college course while we were still only in secondary school.”

Twilight deflated some at the myriad scenarios he provided, her shoulders drooping and her ears losing some of their previous perkiness, “I’m… I’m sorry May. I just figured that-”

“Ohhhh Twilight! I’m so proud of you!” Matthias beamed at her, causing the Princess of Friendship to perk right back up.

“W-what are you talking about May? I thought you were upset that-”

“You’re expanding the way in which that big, beautiful brain of yours thinks Twilight? Never!” Matthias finished for her, causing the princess to glow slightly at the unexpected, but definitely not unwelcomed, compliment.

“But I don’t-”

“Listen Twi,” he said, holding up a hand and cutting her off gently, “the hardest thing I’ve ever had to teach my kids back in the day was appreciating and assuming worldviews that were diametrically opposed to theirs or my own,” Matthias explained. That old twinkle he got whenever he was given a chance to talk or reminisce about his previous profession shining brightly in his those deep green eyes of his. “But the payoffs were always worth it in the end, whenever they could apply those modes of thought to subjects beyond the topic of the day, and start empathizing with those whose opinions differed from theirs.

“So… so you’re saying I’m starting to think like you May?” Twilight said with a shy smile, one that quickly began to dissolve into one of dawning horror when she realized what she had just said. “Oh sweet sisters above, I’m starting to think like you!” she screamed, grabbing at her mane frantically.

“Hee Hee yeah why in the unholy hell would you willingly subject yourself to that kind of torture? I mean, I’m just as much a masochist as the next guy, but don’t you think there’s a rather large and painful gap between tweaking a nipple and putting your balls in a vice Twi?” he asked with a snicker before clamping his mouth shut, having realized what he just said to Twilight of all ponies.

Which wasn’t to imply that the Princess of Friendship was some sort of sheltered wallflower or anything; over the course of the many long and storied months she and Matthias had been working together, he’d come to learn just how handsy Twilight could get while in the midst of one of her research binges. And could be just as oblivious to personal boundaries as any other touch happy horse person. It was just when it came to matters concerning more... intimate affairs; Twilight could just be too damned innocent or unassuming for her own good.

There had just been way too many times where she and Matthias would be running some sort of test on his magical resistance, or experimenting with some enchantment to try and recreate the effects of some bit of human technology that would end with one or more of them either coated in chemicals or on fire. Ruining whatever clothes or garments they were wearing at the time; and it would only be after Matthias pointed out that she was stripping naked in front of somebody of the opposite gender, while simultaneously yanking his clothes off, that she would turn into a stuttering, muttering mess.

And no, these weren't indications of Twilight being some kind of ditz or airheaded, far from it in fact. She was the smartest damn person he'd ever met between two worlds. It’s just, the mare had a one-track mind at times, like some switch or trigger would push the Princess of Friendship into Sci Twi mode and all manner of social propriety would just fly out the window in the pursuit of accomplishing whatever madcap mission she’d set herself on.

For example, not noticing that she’s nearly naked while talking with her male friend when coming out of the shower, water dripping down her throat, falling all over her supple-

NO! You do NOT sexualize Twilight! NO!-

“*Snort* Well, pfft should HEHEHE should you ever need to get your rocks off, I’m sure I could swipe a couple wood clamps from Applejack that’ll do the trick. But you should probably wash them beforehand. I-I’m sure you wouldn’t want to explain to Doc P. why you got a splinter there of all places.

But before Matthias could continue too far with his self inflicted lambasting, Twilight’s snark and chortle seemed to snap him back to baseline. Staring at the studious mare, he found a smile filled to the brim with an odd mix of mischief and relief worming its way onto her muzzle. And now that he was no longer afraid that he had offended the mare’s sensibilities, the full weight of what had just happened seemed to hit Matthias:

Twilight Sparkle had just, in all seriousness, attempted to crack a dirty joke.

Oh, by no means was it anything to write home about. There was hardly any wordplay and was way too overt to be considered an innuendo, but the mere fact that she had even attempted it had all the tonal dissonance of seeing your pastor making a purchase at an adult entertainment store, or having a big hulking gangster motherfucker come over to you while you’re playing Pokemon Sun and asking if you’ve got a Skitty for trade.

Combine all that with the massive flood of relief and giddiness crashing into Matthias from having not upset his friend, and the fact that he still hadn’t fully regained his composure after his episode in the auxiliary hallway, and Matthias just couldn’t help but break back down into another fit of near-manic laughter.

And seeing Matthias relax and ease up once again was apparently enough to push Twilight all the way over the edge as well. No longer afraid that she had crossed a line or overstepped some unknown bounds with her friend, she let the warm elation threatening to burst from her chest loose in a series of loud guffaws that had her doubled over in seconds. Washing away any remaining tension and awkwardness as the two devolved into a pile elated tittering atop their respective desks.

As he continued to ride out the waves of near rapturous laughter threatening to split him apart at the seems, he realized that this is what he had come to admire most about this dorky little alicorn. That in spite of Twilight's potentially world shifting intellect and her ability to solve any problem with just a bit of love and tolerance. She was still capable of Dead Sea levels of salt and could laugh and get swept up in the stupidest and most juvenile endeavors, never afraid to tarnish her princessly visage when it came to living her life in the way she loved. Whether it was tearing her mane out trying to wrap her head around the very concept of an electromagnetic-light spectrum, or dragging him through the streets of Canterlot to take him to her favorite second-hand bookstores, oblivious to the stares of everypony around her. There was just a passion to the mare that no amount of etiquette or decorum could quash. And he could say with absolute certainty, from their many magical mishaps together, that she had the cutest rear he had ever had the pleasure of seeing.

“Oh heh Oh Gods above I needed that Twi!” he said after they had spent a few more minutes trying to stifle their giggles, finally able to look each other in the eye without setting each off all over again.

“Heh... heh… Don’t heh heh Don’t thank me yet heh heh. I-I still have to drum up a story to convince AJ to let me borrow her clamps without her cocking that eyebrow at me again.”

“Oh goddammit Twilight!” Matthias groaned as he clenched his stomach, hoping to stave another round of giggles. Unfortunately, a slight shift on his end put a little pressure on his right hand, causing him to wince and take in a loud sharp breath.

“May? May! What happened? Are you alright?” the princess asked, fear and concern wiping all previous mirth off of her muzzle.

“Y-Yeah,” he said through slightly clenched teeth, “It’s… It’s just been one of those days.”

“Are you sure May? I could be over there in an-”

“I’m sure Twi. It’s not worth a two-hour train ride, or burning incense for half an hour.” He assured her, flexing his fingers beneath his desk.

“Oh, okay,” she relented, not at all looking or sounding convinced, and if Matthias hadn’t been hearing and seeing things all night, he would have sworn she whispered something like ‘but you are’ as well, but that could have just been his own wishful thinking.

“So Twi, aside from vetting out any potential kinks I may have in bed, what brings you to my humble… uh, mirror tonight” he asked trying to lead the conversation away from how interesting his night had been, and legitimately curious as to the theory behind this particular bit of spellcraft Twilight had managed to pull off.

“Oh, right! Well, you know how we’ve been having trouble tying you into the arcane network me, Celestia, and Luna use for our correspondence?

“I still have the bald spots to show for it.”

“Yes… well, after researching the particular enchantments woven into the parchment we typically use to send messages to one another, I discovered four separate spell components linked together in a chain to form a seemingly singular effect. There’s an initial designate recipient function, a teleportation and homing component, and a rematerialization protocol activated upon a successful delivery.” Twilight explained, smiling warmly as she saw Matthias scribbling down notes from his end of the mirror.

“So at what step are we having our little flaming hiccup at?” he questioned, having already put together a couple theories based on the information she had given to him.

“Where do you think the problem’s at?” she asked him teasingly, wanting to see how effective her lessons on magical theory and practice were sticking with Matthias.

“Hmmm, well, if I were a betting man, I’d have to put my money on either step one or step four.”

“And what evidence brings you to that conclusion?”

“Well, the flaming wads of paper blowing up in my face indicate a clear problem at the reintegration phase.”

“You and Celestia are never gonna let me live that one down are you?” Twilight asked, her ears and shoulders drooping slightly as a blush began to crawl across her face.

“Not on your life.”

“I-I said I was sorry! I even sent you two a letter explaining what I was trying to do with that experiment.”

“Oh yes, because the first thing me and Celestia wanted to see after dodging fireballs for nearly two hours was another letter bursting in front of our faces in a puff of smoke.”

“I-I just wanted a chance to talk with you some more! How could I have known that your fluctuating mana signature would shift enough from the initial imprint to disrupt the reassembly process of the letter!”

“Ah, so there was a glitch in the first phase as well,” Matthias pointed out, wanting to get the purple alicorn back on track. As much fun as he found teasing Twilight was, he knew where to draw the line. Matthias had found out long ago how obsessive she could be even over the littlest of her mistakes. And considering how badly she still felt for that little fiasco in Celestia’s office, he didn’t want to push her too far just for a lark.

“That’s right!” she exclaimed, brightening back up a bit, “Normally, when using this special parchment, all we have to do is keep the pony we wish to send the letter to in mind, and that’s usually enough to ensure that the message makes it to them and them alone.”

“You must have been obsessing over me that day then, given how much burning stationary we had to dodge,” he snarked, giving her a cheeky grin which earned him a playful raspberry from Twilight for his efforts.

“Yeah, you wish. But anyway, after you and Celestia explained what had happened, I took a closer look at the individual matrices and formulae composing each aspect of the enchantment and found something absolutely amazing!” Twilight exclaimed, all past traces of her worries from before burning away in her excitement.

“Well, come on. You’ve gotten me all hot and bothered so tell me what you found already!”

“Frequencies!”

“F-Frequencies?” Matthias parroted with a slight stutter, curious as to where Twilight was heading with this and excited to hear her applying the lexicon of one of his old fields.

“Uh-huh,” she affirmed with a few energetic nods of her head, causing a few strands of her mane to fall in front of her face, “while examining the flow of mana from one stage of the enchantment to the next, I happened to spy a subtle shift in the shape of my aura.”

“Aura?”

“Oh sorry, we haven’t really gotten a chance to cover auras in depth yet,” she said while pushing her mane back into alignment. “Well... think of them as a sort of… magical fingerprint unique to all life here on Equus,” Twilight explained while closing her eyes, running some power into her horn before holding a purple palm out for him. When she opened her eyes again, they were glowing a similar shade as the magenta field now enveloping both her horn and her hand, the energies dancing to the rhythm of some unknown beat.

“Now this would be my… oh, what’s that word you always use? Baseline?”

Matthias nodded, mesmerized by the little sea of stars pooling and flowing along her hand.

“Yes, okay. So watch what happens when I write a letter to Celestia,” she directed to Matthias as she pulled out a quill and blank sheet of paper from the desk she was sitting at, beginning to scribble some errant nonsense on the page. But as the quill met the paper the magic surrounding her hand began to sway, seemingly moving about in waves of heat not too dissimilar to the sun he had drawn to unlock the hidden door in his closet.

“So… your aura is somehow shifting to emulate the recipient of your letter?”

“Exactly May!” She exclaimed excitedly at him having pieced the puzzle together, “While writing and thinking about who we want to send the letter to, we subconsciously mold the shape, or frequency, of our auras to match the one of that pony. The paper then becomes imprinted with the modified aura, so that when it gets burned, and the teleportation and locator functions are activated, it sends the letter to the pony whose aura matches the one inscribed into the letter, then reforms when it comes into contact with that pony’s ambient magical field.”

“Makes sense, never seen anything but a name on the letters Celestia and Luna have had me burn,” Matthias said mumbling to himself, processing all that Twilight had dropped on him, “But wait... wouldn’t that mean anybody who had a slip of this paper could just write or send anything they wanted to you, Celestia, or any key government official?”

“Heh heh not quite. I ran a couple of control tests with Fluttershy and Rainbow, trying to see if they’d be able to send some letters to one of our region’s Representatives in the House, one whom they’d never met before. And when they tried to deliver them, the paper just turned to ash and fell to the floor. It turns out you need to have either known or have spent an extended amount of time with the pony in question in order to establish the metaphysical link, or have a specially crafted totem or stamp that emulates their unique magical signature.”

“So is that why the letters can’t connect to me? Because we haven't known each other long enough for your magic to latch on to me?” he asked turning a bit downcast.

“No no no no no it’s nothing to do with that!” She cried frantically, cutting off her magic while waving her hands in front of her emphatically. “You’re one of the closest friends I’ve ever made and one of the best stallions to have ever come into my life! So it can’t be because you’re not close to me May!”

Matthias flushed a bit at Twilight’s earnest and honest opinion of him, all of a sudden finding it difficult to look the mare in the mirror in the eyes.

“So-… so why aren’t we syncing up then? I mean, we’ve gotta be connecting on some level in order for you to be sending me anything at all.”

“Well… remember what I said about auras?”

“Let’s see, didn't you say they’re like a magical... fingerprint unique... to…” he started to slow down as realization hit him.

“Life on Equus,” she said finishing for him.

“Then how is it…”

“It’s the ambient magic present in the atmosphere. Like I explained, all living creatures native to Equus generate a subtle field of magic all around them, and I’m not just limiting it to the ponies, griffins, or any of the other sentient species spread across the planet. Everything from the birds and butterflies to the flowers and rocks are giving off low levels of magic. So even though you possess no inherent magic of your own, and it’s a bitch and a half to try and make any sort of arcane energy stick to you. You’re still being bombarded by the effervescent magic of everything, and every pony around you, each and every second of each and every day.”

“So the reason the enchantment can’t get a lock on me…”

“Is because, by the time I’ve sent you a letter, the amount ubiquitous magic clinging to you has shifted enough to partially disrupt the enchantment’s reintegration function. Causing an incomplete reconstitution of the letter!”

“So I take it this set up bypasses all that nonsense,” Matthias asked, waving his hand in a broad, slow gesture to indicate both the mirror and the gem Twilight had sent him.

“If the thaumaturgical resonance between both rubies keeps within the projected parameters, then hopefully yes.” She explained, glancing up at the top of her mirror and lighting up her eyes and horn for a second.

“And how exactly are rubies allowing us to talk to one another?”

“Oh... right well in laypony’s terms I've magically linked the fire ruby you've inserted into your mirror with one that is, within acceptable margins, structurally identical to yours. That way, when I cast a spell or apply an enchantment on my end, a similar effect will be applied to your ruby as well.”

“But I thought you told me a while back that the amount of gems necessary to facilitate a real-time communication spell that could be used over a distance increases exponentially by a factor of two the farther away the ponies are from one another.

“Jewels, May.”

“I know what I said.”

“Maaayyy…”

“Look, I’m sorry. I refuse to believe that the SI unit for work energy on Earth has a perfect homophonic equivalent here on Equestria that just so happens to be the SI unit for the work energy of magic.

“But you told me you finished reading Falling Apple’s Arcana Universalis and Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Magicae months ago!”

“I did, and that just proves my point. Back home we had a natural philosopher by the name of Sir Isaac Newton, who was inspired to write his Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica after he saw an apple fall from a tree outside the window of his study.”

“And your point being?”

“That there are only so many parallels and puns a man can take before he starts questioning whether or not somebody out there with a fetish for wordplay is doing this all on purpose.”

“Well, I’ve got some bad news for you then.” She warned him with an impish smile.

“Oh, I just knew there was still a way for this night to fall further into the shitter,” he bemoaned sarcastically, causing Twilight’s smile to falter a bit before snapping back into place when she saw the wry grin still stuck on his face. “So tell me, what happy little coincidence did you find today that’s going to make me put a dent in my desk?”

“Well, remember when you asked me to see if there was an Equestria equivalent to the city setting in your favorite book?”

“Oh no! Don’t tell me you-”

“Yep, East of the Crystal Empire in the Frozen North, just South of Yakyakistan…”

“Please, I’m begging you. Don’t take this away from me. Let me hold onto the dignity of Earthen nomenclature for just a little while longer!”

“The unyielding wall that keeps the untamed fronts of the Winter Wastes at bay, the iron hammer that strikes the frozen earth flat! I present to you the Great and Glorious city of Stalliongrad!” Twilight cheered with a giddy smile, holding up a travel brochure covered in Cyrillic script up to the screen. A magnificent castle, looking way too much like St. Basil’s Cathedral then it had any right to, standing front and center in the middle of the pamphlet.

However, her merriment was short lived as a resounding *thud* broke on through from the other side of the mirror, causing Twilight to flinch from the unexpected sound of Matthias making good on his earlier promise to try and shove his head through his desk.

“May? You alright over there?” she asked after a minute or two of silence, the ringing in her ears having finally died down as she checked to make sure she hadn’t pushed Matthias too far off the deep end.

But before she could press her concerns any further, a scarred and shaky hand raised itself into view, confirming to Twilight that the human was still conscious at the very least.

“Puns... will not… break... me!” He declared resolutely, mustering what little reserves he had left to lift the rest of himself off of the polished mahogany and face Twilight, a defiant look burning bright behind his dark green eyes.

“Oh! If that’s the case, then how about you help me cross reference some of the state’s more prominent authors with their equivalents from your world?” she invited with equal parts jocularity and excitement. “I am curious as to why they dedicated so many statues to the poet World Weary and spread them throughout the city. Is there an equivalent author of prominence from your Stalliongrad? Oh! Maybe tomorrow we could do a comparative literature and history lesson to determine and denote the significant commonalities and divergences in their cultural development. Ooh ooh ooh, perhaps once your probationary status has been fully met, we could even take a research excursion out to Stalliongrad itself! See the sights, tour the universities, introduce you and the students to a wider variety of ponies and broaden your horizons when it comes to the different aspects of Equestrian culture!”

However, her anticipation for their biweekly pedagogical pow-wow began to spiral out of control amidst the myriad prospects such a research endeavor could entail. So in the hopes that he could reign Twilight back in before she started writing out the inevitable four or five checklists such a trip would require. He tried to steer the conversation back to the initial topic that he had gotten hung up on:

“As much fun as taking another trip abroad sounds Twi, you still haven’t told me how you were able to get around the over the top mana cost necessary to establish and maintain a link.”

“Oh! Of course. Sorry about that May,” she said with a sheepish smile and a cute giggle, “Kinda got carried away there. Yes, normally the amount of strain placed on a pony while using magic is expounded upon by both the distance and the complexity of their intended effect. For example, a unicorn who has been properly maintaining and practicing with her magic would have little trouble moving a 200-pound cart full of apples up and down the street all day long. But that same mare would find it almost impossible to pick up and hold just one apple if she were forced to levitate it and keep it in place from a distance of around 100 hoofs or so, special talents notwithstanding.”

“So... sorta like how even a five pound weight becomes almost impossible to keep up when holding it out with an extended arm?” he questioned cautiously, trying not to sound too much like a plebe in front of the magical maestro, but relaxed once she beamed him a smile of genuine joy and accomplishment.

“Exactly! Well, sort of. It has less do with leverage and more with the strain of having to continuously expand and focus magic. But the analogy still works!” Twilight cheered as she simultaneously praised and shot down his attempt at visualizing her explanation.

“And how is this any different? How are you able to maintain the spell all the way from Ponyville?

“What spell?”

“The spell you’re currently casting to try and talk shit to me from 80 miles away,” he pointed out, the poorly concealed smug on her face a dead giveaway that she was toying with Matthias.

“Hey, there’s no need to get snippy with me May. Afterall, I never said I was casting a spell.”

Matthias paused to ponder the riddle behind her words, calling upon all the little lessons and impromptu exams she had given him over their many months together. Specifically, those examining the philosophical and practical applications of magic:

Alright, this can’t be any kind of direct or delayed casting since it’d be impossible even for her to put out this much magic for this long. Plus she told me herself that this wasn’t the work of any one spell. There was that glow in her horn and eyes, but she did that when talking in regards to observing mana flow so that could just be checking to see if everything was working. An artefact maybe? No, they’ve got those things cataloged and locked away in the pony equivalent of Warehouse 13, and I doubt they’d let her borrow one just to FaceTime with me. Unless it's something new she dug up. Then why would she be concerned about its functionality? The psychotic little mare would’ve run at least fifty different tests to try and check for bugs. Then she would’ve run another couple dozen tests to check for another couple dozen problems no sane person would even think to look for. So if Twilight isn't casting over a distance or using some hereto unknown artifact, then that must mean…

“Alright then Twilight, what kind of charm did you put together?”

Twilight all but squeed when Matthias gave her the answer she was looking for, barely able to contain herself seeing that her student had been able to figure out what she had done all on his own. But in order to maintain some semblance of dignity as his teacher, she brought it back down from an 11 to a 5, and set about explaining what she had done:

“Oh, it’s nothing much. Just a modified Flash Prance’s Penceive coupled with a Mistmane’s Mirror, as well as few other minor enchantments not including the routines needed to activate and shut down the link.”

“Hold up, how’d you manage to graft two enchantments onto a single component? I thought you said attempting to place more than one spell into something could cause destructive dissonance between their differing magics.”

“That’s correct, it could cause destructive dissonance if the material you are attempting to enchant has any impurities or is composed of something other than what the caster believes it to be. That’s why the first thing Spike and I did after shrinking the quills and carving the moon rocks, and-”

“Stop! Wait a minute, moon rocks?!”

“Of course! Nothing says ‘please protect the integrity of a thaumaturgical link from any outside interference,’ better than a piece of moon rock carved into a waxing crescent!” She explained excitedly, only to grow concerned when she was met with Matthias' dumbfounded expression staring back at her.

“Huh, I could have sworn we covered Equestrian symbols and icons a couple months back,” she pondered as she levitated a stack of lesson plans from off screen and began leafing through them with her magic, stopping when she found sheet she was looking for.

“Oops! That was literary symbols, sorry May!” she said slightly embarrassed, hurriedly pulling out several books from seemingly nowhere to try and put Matthias on the right path. “Well you see, aside from its obvious associations with both balance and change, the moon is often seen as a shepherd and protector of travelers, especially among merchants who have to traverse some of the more… rugged corners of Equestrian.”

“And the best time for these travelling sales ponies to depart would have been on nights when it was waxing,” Matthias interrupted, catching Twilight off guard, “because before Luna came back, all Celestia could manage while monitoring the night was to set the moon in its orbit and arrange the stars into basic constellations. So it would've been safer for them to schedule their trips to far off markets when the moon would be getting progressively brighter on its own.”

“R-right,” Twilight affirmed, trying her best to figure out where he had picked all this up from, “but… but if you’re already familiar with that bit of Equestrian symbolism, why are you still looking like Rainbow after a five-hour train ride with Pinkie?”

“Moon rocks.”

“What about them?”

“How in the sweet bloody R’leyh did you manage to get your hands on one freaking moon rock, let alone multiple!?”

“May… you do remember that you and the mare who moves the moon each night have lessons with me every Monday and Wednesday on the ins and outs modern Equestrian culture, right?”

“And…”

“And is it really such a stretch to think I asked her to let me take some samples from her sphere?”

“But how did you both even get there?”

Twilight just shot him an impish grin while lighting up her horn again, all but affirming what Matthias had already come to fear:

“Urrgh, one of these days Twilight, you're gonna have to come up with a better answer than it’s magic bitch!”

“Hehehe trust me May, even I know that magic can't answer everything.”

“Then explain to me Twily, how an 80lbs. pegasus achieves lift, and stays airborne, under their own power?”

“Well that's easy! The inherent magic found in their wings generates a field which significantly decreases the effects of gravity within their immediate surrou-”

“How a seed can sprout in four seconds flat while in the hands of an earth pony?”

“That’s just their auras interacting with the ambient magics in the ground, which then stimulates-”

“How you all got a fifty-foot hydra into its pen without hatching it at the zoo?”

“...You done May?”

“Yeah,” he said after letting out a long exhale, “yeah, the rule of three has been appeased, so I'm good.”

“Good, for a second there it looked like you were going to start frothing at the mouth again.”

“Heh don't worry, all my shots are up to date. Though I've got to question, why the needle on that feather flu one had to be so long, and why they had to shove it up my-”

“Anyways,” Twilight started, her turn now to try and steer the conversation back towards more relevant topics, and away from those more needle up the butt related, “once we made sure everything from the amount of keratin in the feathers, to the thickness of the quicksilver coating would be proportionally equal between both gems, we set about growing the base fire ruby so that its internal crystalline structure mirrored that of the record crystals we use to store memories and music. Then after cutting and shaping the gems, and giving Spike the leftovers so he’d stop drooling over them, I phased in the silvered quills and crescents. Then it was just a simple matter of imbuing the ruby I have on my end with the modified Pensieve enchantment to record and project whatever images and sounds get caught within its field of view!”

Matthias let out a long and drawn out whistle, impressed with Twilight’s ability to not only conceptualize more abstract aspects of Terran technology from an Equestrian frame of mind, but also find a way to apply it on a practical level so quickly.

“I know, right! However, during our initial testing, we were only able to playback a feed of ourselves, which wouldn’t have been so bad, if Starlight and I hadn’t spent the next couple hours staring at ourselves in the mirror thinking the enchantment hadn’t stuck. But when we did discover that shortfall we were able to find a workaround by tweaking Mistmane’s Mirror a bit so that it would reflect the feed of the opposite mirror rather than shifting the caster’s image along the target’s Y-axis of perception.”

“So if the recording routine is housed within the ruby itself, you must have enchanted the feather with the mirror charm.”

“Close, try again.”

“The moon?”

“Nope, those are both symbolic wards to both bolster and protect the link between the gems.”

“The gold lining the ridge then?”

“Ech, wrong,” she said suddenly sounding like an old game show buzzer. Causing Matthias to briefly question where in Equestria there might be the equivalent to The Price is Right, “we use gold and other precious metals mostly to insulate the magic and keep it contained within its designated vessel.”

“Oh! Speaking of which, how’s my nest egg looking?”

“Mithril prices shot up another 20% after rumors of a forty pound chunk that may or may not be hitting the market soon started spreading. So you’re looking at a total net worth of about 768,000 bits!”

“And I’ll trust you to handle lining up the prospective buyers when it comes time to sell.”

“You betcha! I wouldn't want you getting ripped off again. Hee hee, I still can't believe you bought that copy of A Brief History of Magic for full price without even trying to negotiate.”

“Hey, haggling back on Earth was reserved exclusively for farmers markets and programing dedicated to grossly misrepresenting the pawning industry. So you can’t hope to break a lifetime’s worth of conditioned expectation of having to pay full market value for everything after just eight months.”

“Well, we can practice some more on Saturday if you’re willing. Cliff Note sent me a letter today saying his shop’s full to bursting after he scored at an estate sale on Monday!”

“Let’s see, waking up early and getting dragged around Canterlot all day by a cute mare while looking at rare and interesting books… Nope! Can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday!” He said, giggling under his breath as the purple princess became progressively more purple beneath her blush.

“Yes, well… you're still 0 for 2 for where on the charm I attached the mirror enchantment. Care to take another guess, or do you yield?”

“To yield readily-easily-to the persuasion of a friend is no merit...To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either… So no, I won't be bending the knee at thee Twilight!” Matthias playfully declared, once again wringing another string of cute giggles out from the princess.

“Heehee alright then good sir, thrice I ask thee now, whereupon have I hidden the magic of Mistmane?”

“Heh, looking a little purple tonight aren't we Luna,” he joked, taking the time Twilight was now using to pull herself together to try and sort out the second puzzle she had thrown at him this evening:

Ruby=Recording

Feather and Moon=Transistor

Gold=Insulation and Containment

Casting more than one enchantment on a base component could cause disson-

“You crazy mare, you found a way to shove two enchantments into the ruby itself.”

“Ding ding ding looks like we have a winner folks.” She cheered while giving him a standing ovation, making Matthias wonder if this was how Celestia felt whenever he played the, I Know Way More Than I'm Letting On Game with her.

Note to self: go a little bit easier on the poor mare… for a week.

“So what's keeping the playback enchantment and the mirror enchantment from interfering with one another? What equine god or goddess did you have to appeal to and whose blood did you have to spill in order to gain their favor? Tell me it was Blueblood’s. Was it really blue?” he whispered playfully, visions of the blonde bastard tied down to a stone table surrounded by a group of chanting, hooded ponies flashing briefly before his eyes.

“Heehee Actually, you helped out with that part?”

“The ritualistic pony sacrifice or the dual enchanting?

“The latter, May.”

“Well damn, Sketch must’ve really gotten me plastered if I was somehow able to sneak past the Loons and City Watch, board a train to Ponyville. Break into your castle in the dead of night and pull off a major breakthrough in the field of incantomancy without waking anybody. Then make it all the way back to Canterlot without being missed or seen.”

“Hee hee well, as insightful as you tend to get once the champagne gets popped, it was actually your lessons on atomic structure that allowed me to sync the spells.”

“Really now?”

“Yep! Like I said earlier, when it comes to enchanting purity is key. Sure, things like runes, symbolic icons, and the desired outcome play a role as well, but if you want to ensure that even the most basic of spells will stick, then the artificer must know what it is they are enchanting inside and out. So for example, let’s say a mare is trying to inscribe an anti-weathering ward onto her gold wedding band, and it turns out the ring is really gold-leaf gilded onto brass instead. Then there’s no way the intended effect will be able to stick to the ring effectively since the enchantment she constructed was meant to be applied to gold and not to a processed hybridization of two or more metals.

“That’s why when we started growing the base gem, I made sure to examine each step of the germination process to ensure no foreign matter would make it into the final product. And in doing so, discovered that rubies aren’t a pure mineral! That they’re in fact a composite mineral of corundum with trace amounts of chromic oxide! So just when we were about to scrap three months worth of time and effort and hit the blackboard again to try and figure out how to affix a second enchantment. We realized we could target the corundum to carry the Penceive while imbuing the chromium with the Mirror!”

“And that actually worked?”

“Did and is May!” she said with a confident smile, though she couldn’t quite hide the quick flash of purple that shone from her horn and eyes as she checked the stability of the charm once again.

“So if rubies have always had the ability to bare the brunt of two enchantments, why hasn’t anybody been able to pull it off before?”

“Because up until now, ponies would never have even considered a gem as basic and fundamental as a ruby to be an amalgam! I mean, it’s status as a cornerstone of the Lapide Cardinali has remained unquestioned since Diamond Dust published her original treatise on the arcane attributes inherent to specific gem-types over a thousand years ago!”

“The Lapi-what now?” Matthias questioned, his writing unable to keep up with the frantic pace the manic mare’s words were setting.

“Oh, sorry! The Lapide Cardinali is a foundational set of five gemstones that represent and encompass nearly every facet of naturally occurring magic here in Equestria. Consisting of rubies, of course, as well as amethysts, sapphires, emeralds, and diamonds.” She explained while drawing five points of light in the air with her magic, each one a different color to represent the stones she had just listed off. She then made sure to connect each dot together using a line of white light, forming an upside-down pentagon which Twilight then circled once she was finished.

“And we use this grouping to not only determine another gem’s elemental affinity but their composition as well. So if we were to look at say a garnet for example.” She said while adding another deep red point of light a little ways off of the line connecting the ruby and sapphire. The space in between the blue and red motes filling up with a light similar to that of the gem in question. Forming what looked like the parameter charts used to display EV spreads in Pokemon, or the traits and abilities of characters from shows like as Naruto, Medabots, or Stardust Crusaders.

“Now, we know that a garnet’s magical affinities align best with healing, particularly through the invigorating and bolstering of blood flow. Which just so happens to be a well-documented attribute of both rubies and sapphires as well, not counting their clear affiliations with the fire and water branches of the Magicae Naturalis. However, fire elemental magic also has a tendency to well, burn things, and since four out of five attempts to conjoin a thermoregulatory property to a garnet tend to end in a rather noticeable rebound, we can then determine that a garnet’s structural composition is roughly 20% ruby and 80% sapphire and… you’re looking at me like I’m on day four without my coffee.”

Matthias had been trying his best to follow along with Twilight’s little dissertation on Equestrian mineralogy; honestly, he had. But things had begun shifting from the proven theories and demonstrable principles that he found endlessly exciting, into the lands of chakras, inner gates, and well… crystals. And there was only so much of this sort of hippie-dippie, shiny-happy pony bullshit he could take before his inner physics teacher started to lash out at the world around him.

Oh sure, the borderline biblical degrees to which he could now suspend his disbelief combined with the near eidetic extent to which he could recall even the most seemingly trivial of relevant information, offered what council they could whenever his physical sciences endorsement got into a marital spat with his inner fantasy nerd. But dammit, that little expose of Twilight’s had begun to physically hurt the displaced teacher. So if he was ever going to get the poor mare off of this Steven Universe crystal gem mindset, he was going to have to dig deep and dredge up one of the least relevant classes of his entire tenure in high school: 9th-grade geology!

“Look Twi, I’m not even gonna pretend to know a tenth of a percent of what you know about magic,” he freely admitted, hoping to cover his ass should he come off as an ignorant cunt. “And maybe there’s something about that whole ambient, naturally occurring magic thing you were telling me about that plays a role in what a rock can and cannot do here in Equestria. But come on, even I know that ruby plus sapphire doesn’t equal a garnet.”

“Then… then why do we always find sapphires in beds of rubies and vice-versa?” she asked, a nervous quiver beginning to form in the corner of her lips as she felt Matthias was about to shatter another of her long-held preconceptions.

“Because they’re both composed of the same base rock-type and their specific germination occurs from direct contact with magma,” he tried explaining. “And yes, that's a gross oversimplification that disregards each stone’s specific formation strata and elemental composition, but it’s bordering on fourteen years since I've had to think about geology academically, and what I still know is more kid hobby than field of expertise.”

“How exactly does a colt turn geology into a hobby?”

“I grew up in an area where limestone Piedmont overlapped with the beginnings of a tide-water basin. Essentially a lot of damp and erodible soil with a metric fuck ton of quartz deposits underneath it. So when you’re eight years old and running around outside after a summer shower, and you find a purple quartz cluster the size of your fist sticking out of the ground. Whatever game you happen to be playing at the time immediately turns treasure hunting related.”

“So, were you a pint-sized pirate or an exiguous explorer?” She joked, trying desperately to imagine a miniature Matthias running around in either a frilly petticoat or a pit helmet.

“More of a negligible knight than anything. My merry men and I would scour the woods outside our homes after a rainstorm in search of fame and fortune. Fending off the beasts that haunted the forest while searching for the lost riches of kingdoms long past.”

“And the independent studies in geology?”

“As I said, when your eight years old and you come home with a clump of purple quartz the size of your fist, the first thing you ask your mom after she’s stopped yelling at you about why your clothes are so dirty, is how much its worth. And because my mother just so happened to be a reading teacher, she made me look it up myself. Which then lead me to investigate the differences between different types of quartzes, followed closely by where and how they were formed; ultimately leading me towards researching the characteristics and formation conditions of other stones as well.”

“But if what you are saying is true, and it truly is the case that rubies and sapphires are compositionally the same, how is it we've only been able to apply fire based enchantments to rubies and water-based enchantments to sapphires?” Twilight pondered as she started running a multitude of differering hypotheses through her head.

“Well… maybe it has something to do with the mental and visualization component to your casting?” Matthias threw out, remembering one of Twilight’s early lessons on the basics of spellcraft, cutting Twilight off at theory #624.

“In what way?”

“Now, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you once mention that for some spells, unicorns could use objects and symbols to help make the casting process easier for them?”

“That’s right!” Twilight beamed, not quite sure where he was going with this but was always happy to share her craft with somebody, doubly so with a fellow academic. “For most instances of projected magic, a caster must first visualize the outcome of her intended spell before she can even charge up her mana! And in cases of more complex, ritual class magic, items, and images can be used in its place to help diffuse the mental strain caused by envisioning too many overly complicated steps.”

“Do they have to be literal?”

“Not necessarily. Two ponies attempting to perform the same mass growth ritual on two separate fields of carrots could each use a different representative aid to help visualize the desired growth outcome of the spell. So for example, one pony might go with a bag of fertilizer for its enriching properties, while the other might use a couple of dandelions for their near exponential rates of proliferation. Really, it all depends on the individual backgrounds and preferences of the ponies in question and what they've come to associate with certain concepts.”

Matthias ran a hand through his rusty red hair as he attempted to assimilate all this new information into the model he’d been piecing together. Trying to see if these fresh tidbits could possibly quash the theory he’d been mulling over, but he found that everything Twilight was saying was aligning perfectly with what had been buzzing around in his brain for the past couple minutes:

“And you said that the pony who developed this classification system for the magical and elemental composition of gemstones published her finding some thousand odd years ago?”

“Twelve-hundred and sixty-three, give or take a few months. Diamond Dust was a contemporary of Star Swirl, and is taught in schools across Equestria as one of the cornerstones of modern magic.”

“So, from what you’ve told me, we have a gem that seems to only have an affinity for fire or fire based magics. A gem that just so happens to be blood red and is formed from direct contact with the flames of Equus herself, which has been taught and lauded as a sort of keystone within the field of naturally occurring arcana for the better part of twelve hundred years. Using the works of a pony heralded as a founder of contemporary magic. Add that all together and it sounds to me like you’ve got yourself the textbook definition of-”

“IT’S A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY!” Twilight blurted out, having finally pieced together what Matthias was on about. Her eyes shining brighter than the light burning atop her horn as she started scribbling down notes furiously while Matthias just sat back and let the mare do her thing.

“Oh, how could I have overlooked something so basic as confirmation bias within the visualization process?! Colors serve as one of the principal identifiers we use to denote differences in objects. I mean, our very language structure prioritizes adjectives like Color even over the subject and predicate in sentences. Then there’s also over a millennium of culturally and pedagogically instituted predispositions, seeing how long the Lapide’s status has gone by unchallenged. But why would it be challenged? Its Diamond Dust’s seminal work! That’d be like walking up to Star Swirl the Bearded and calling him out on the very foundations of his theories on mana flow and arcane resonance! Blessed Maker above, if the very principles by which the Lapide are founded upon really are nothing more than generation upon generation of faulty presupposition, then this could shake the very structure of the Magicae Fontalis Petram. And that's not even considering the impact this might have on the marketplace if there is no longer a demand for specific gems, considering any gem could be enchanted with any effect once a way to rid ponies of their collective bias has been-”

“Maybe before planning out your own dissertation,” Matthias interrupted, hoping to catch her before she fell too far down the rabbit hole, “you should probably finish explaining how you established the link.”

“Oh… Right, of course! Such a project would necessitate locating ponies who were somehow not subjected to the ingrained cultural bias towards the Lapide and would require months, even years of extensive trial and testing anyway.” She realized with a wistful smile as she started packing away her notes. “Plus any findings we make would be subjected to an excruciating amount of scrutiny during the peer review process considering the weight of the theory and whose treatise it is we’re trying to overturn. Maybe I could even bring Maud in on this.”

“H-how is Maud doing?”

“Oh, she’s doing great. She’s all but mapped out the geological strata from Ponyville to the Ghastly Gorge. It’s funny, other than rocks, you’re the only other subject she actively seeks to talk with me about.”

“What about Marble and the kids.”

“Pinkie says Marble’s holding up fine, and at least once a week me and the girls have to break up whatever scheme Dinky and the Crusaders have come up with to try and break into the palace.”

“Good to hear that they’re adjusting well,” Matthias mused with a wistful smile of his own, remembering the first ponies he had ever met. Sparing a quick glance towards the one framed photo he kept on his nightstand.

“So how far had we gotten in explaining the charm’s functionality?” Twilight asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh, you’d just finished summing up the ruby’s structural composition and how it related to its ability to maintain the various enchantments you'd place upon it.”

“Guess all I’ve got left then is how I established the link between your gem and mine.”

“Thaumaturgy, right?”

“Right again May!” Twilight beamed, truly appreciating that Matthias was actively engaging and paying attention rather than just smiling and nodding like a lot of her friends did back home. “After carving out the base gem and ensuring it could handle the strain of all the enchantments we wanted, I crafted a second gem using parts from the… Wait! Have we gotten around to covering thaumaturgy yet?”

“You’ve mentioned it in passing while broadly discussing the Magicae Fatalis Pentam, but nothing too in depth.”

“Fontalis Petram May. Well, at its most fundamental level, thaumaturgy is-

“An application of magic whereby a symbolic link is formed between a piece of an object with the object as a whole, ‘As above, so below. Make something happen on a small scale and feed it enough energy to happen on a large scale.’”

Twilight’s jaw dropped slightly at his uncanny ability to lay bare and contextualize a core principle of the Fontalis most ponies had trouble wrapping their heads around.

“That's kind of an archaic way of putting it but yes,” she affirmed after shaking her head a bit to try and get herself back on track. “You know, it's funny. For a somepony who claims to be from a world without any magic, you sure do have a loose, if not a basic understanding of the subject matter.”

Matthias simply shrugged, “What can I say, magic as a naturally occurring force in my plane may or may not have existed. But the idea of transcendent energies tied to the very foundations of reality, ready to be harnessed by those with the knowledge and gumption to take the risk, is as ingrained into our culture as the Harmony is in yours. Plus, Harry Dresden is probably my favorite character in all of fiction, and thaumaturgy was his bread and butter when it came to all things arcane.”

Twilight started squealing at Matthias' mention of Terran literature, “Ooh! What kind of character was she? Protagonist? Antagonist? What were the applications of her magic? Were her stories folklore? historical? mythical?”

“Character wise, he’s a subtle blend of the magus and reluctant hero archetypes. Always trying to explore and create new avenues with his magic, but somehow or another gets drawn into the conflicts plaguing the city he has sworn to protect, the fabled City of Winds, Chicago.”

“But if sh-, sorry, he's already sworn an oath to safeguard the city and her citizenry, how can he then be classified as a reluctant hero?”

“Because he can easily recognize the differences in threat level between a burglar ransacking a neighborhood and an eight-foot troll snatching up kids for the crime of crossing over his bridge. And if he had the choice between which he would rather face, he would gladly take on the former over the latter any day.”

“But I'm guessing there wasn't much choice for him, was there?”

“And that’s what makes him admirable in my opinion, makes him feel… well, human to me. Because in situations where he’d much rather crawl into a hole and pull it in after him, whether it be facing down the full host of Winter. Or willingly subjecting himself to the nightmares conjured by his fallen foe’s ghost, he was always willing to put the greater good before his own wants and desires.”

“And I take it he was able to come out on top against such obstacles thanks to his proficiency in the arcane arts?!”

“That and never skipping leg day.”

“What does that have to do with-”

“Better to prepare for a fight/flight you never have than get murdered by a monster.”

“And when the flight option wasn’t available?” She all but screamed. Having just about reached the limits of her patience with Matthias dangling an aspect of his culture’s views and philosophies on her passion right in front of her nose like this.

“Well, first off he was a detective,” Matthias relented, feeling that he’d gotten her worked up enough to give her what she wanted. “Think of something along the lines of Shadow Spade if instead of finding purloined letters or solving whodunnits, she had to unravel the mystical mysteries and fight the ancient threats associated with characters such as Daring Do or Silverwing.”

“While in the middle of a city? Seems like an odd place for somepony to just randomly stumble upon long lost tribes, Old World artefacts, and cultists of the Elder Dark, doesn’t it?”

“Kind of the point really. In the Terran fantasy genres, themes of liminal transition, either in states of mind, body, or society, are explored by creating settings akin to those of our oldest civilizations. Then introducing a speculative calamity or threat of such weight and magnitude that even if the protagonists are somehow able to avert the worst of the oncoming storm. The state of the world will have been altered so greatly by their attempts to stave it off that the era they began their journey in will have essentially ended. Of course, that's not even including any physical, spiritual, or emotional growth for the characters themselves, seeing that four out of five fantasy protagonists fall within the preteen to young adult age ranges and have usually left something of their innocence and childhood behind by the story's conclusion."

“So was this Chicago a sort of allegory for modern Terran city life."

“Oh no, it’s real. Went there once to visit a friend and go to a convention"

“But you just said your fantasy fiction creates and emulates past civilizations in order to explore themes of transition!”

“That’s true, but in urban fantasy series like The Dresden Files, mythological and legendary elements are brought into modern settings in order to create a sort of culture clash between what was and what is. The introduction of the speculative threat then forces both sides to cooperate for their mutual survival. Though not without conceding some of their core values and principles in order for them to walk towards a future where they both can coexist.”

“And I take it that this is where the services of Mister Dresden came into play within his stories?”

“Why yes, Twilight, how very astute of you!” he lauded on her, marveling at how with just a simple rundown of the character and a basic breakdown of the fantasy genre’s key components, she was able to deduce the broader role of Harry Dresden within his literary canon. Though the focus of his wonder shifted when the purple princess began literally glowing from the praise he was showering her with, the warm light reflecting through her still wet mane causing it to glisten and sparkle as intensely as the gentle blush dusting her face.

Goddammit, she’s fucking radiant! He thought as the soft blaze surrounding Twilight began to settle. A look of pure anticipation and exciting burning within her eyes, as well as something hauntingly familiar that Matthias couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Y-yes, well… as you surmised, Dresden served as a sort of bridge spanning the gap separating the old powers and those of the modern era. As such, he was usually called upon by the human constabulary whenever they needed somebody to figure out what was going bump in the night and how to bump its ass out of town. While conversely, he would be summoned by the councils of what humans would typically deem as the supernatural whenever a facet of the modern age prevented them from moving freely in the open and made reaching their goals all but impossible.”

“And you said he was a detective, right?” Twilight asked looking up from the notes she’d been taking, continuing on with her scribbling once Matthias nodded his assent. “What sort of mysteries did he investigate? And how did his magic help him?

“You name it, he solved it. Missing persons, theft, even the occasional murder. Come to think of it, a lot of murder actually. Well, when you want to show how high the stakes are, what better way than by putting lives on the line?

“Anyways, your typical Dresden investigation would start out with a thorough and detailed combing of the crime scene. You know, standard affair for most crime dramas. But where he deviated from the standard was in the application of his magic!”

“And how did he apply it?” Twilight asked as her ears perked up at the sound of the “m” word, hoping he’d finally get to the point.

“It would depend on what he found. If while scouring the area he happened to come across some hard, physical evidence. He’d use thaumaturgy to craft a sort of homing charm to help him find and track down his quarry.”

“And if there was no such evidence to be found?”

“Well, he would never be called in unless something obviously supernatural was afoot. So even if the mystical miscreants were smart enough to have cleaned up after themselves, he’d still be able to detect the lingering magical energies they had used staining the crime scene. Then it was just a matter of calling up one of the spirits who had either entrusted him with their Name or had sworn fealty to him, and they would track them down in his stead.”

“And when he found his mark?”

"Again, it really depended upon what he could gather from his initial investigation. So let’s assume for instance, that the physical evidence he had collected at the scene of the crime happened to be a piece of hair off of the perp. Once he was finally able to locate him, he could then lock ‘em down by creating an immobilized facsimile of the culprit with a doll by using the link between the culprit and his hair. However, if he was unable to find such evidence, or if the guilty party had somehow warded himself against the establishment of such a link, evocation magic, especially fire evocation magic, was a close second to his preferred branch of the arcane.”

Twilight looked confused for a moment, tilting her head cutely as if she hadn’t heard him right. Before realization suddenly smacked her upside her muzzle:

“Oh that's right! Since your world is seemingly devoid of magic of any kind, that would mean even something as developmentally significant as Inventa Rem doesn’t exist either, right?”

“Right... The fuck is Inventa Rem?”

“Wow, sometimes it really is easy to forget that you’re not a pony. I have to keep that in mind when writing out your next… Hey, you alright over there?!”

You’re not one of them.

She had probably meant it as a compliment for Matthias. An acknowledgment of how far he had progressed in not only assimilating into a brand new culture but acclimating to a brand new set of physics as well. However, Twilight’s bit of self-derisive praise had unwittingly ripped the scabs off the gashes his alpha had carved into his spirit earlier. Causing what little composure he’d managed to scrape back together throughout his talk with Twilight to begin seeping out from every hole and gash his old master had torn into his resolve. Leaving little to no support for Matthias as he began teetering back into the abyss all his old frets and fears had been screaming out at him from.

“..y. … ay? … May!”

Fortunately for Matthias, Twilight’s calls of concern, and a well placed tap of his swollen hand against the underside of his desk pushed him back from the brink and back to his bureau. Where Twilight was staring at him worriedly from across her end of the bridge.

“You… you back with me May? I kinda lost you there for a second.”

“Y-yeah, all good on this end,” he assured her while faking a stretch and a yawn. Pinching at the bridge of his nose before rubbing at his temples to try and alleviate some of the returning tension, “Sorry about that Twi, it was actually a rather eventful couple hours at Night Court this evening.”

“Oh, if you’re feeling tired we could always pick this up t-”

“NO!” Matthias all but snapped, surprising both him and Twilight with his sudden intensity. “No, I'm… I'm fine. I just… I… I need you to keep talking to me. Please? Tell me about this Rem thing.”

Twilight looked unsure for a moment, but the subtle mixture of desperation and genuine curiosity pouring out of Matthias' eyes prompted her to continue:

“In-… Inventa Rem is the process by which a young colt or filly’s magic becomes fully realized upon earning their Cutie Mark. You see, when a foal is born; their magic is borderline uncontrollable as they’ve yet to find a functional means to either direct or manage it. So seeing something like one-month-olds flying through the air, levitating couches or crawling holes through walls wouldn't be too far out of the ordinary for them. However, as these foals continue to grow and mature, their bodies begin to adjust similarly in order to better contain and bridle the inherent magic found within them. The ultimate culmination of this, of course, being the earning of their Cutie Marks. Whereupon discovering their calling in life, and what makes them unique, their magic will coalesce and distill itself into a form that will best help them express their special talents.”

“Ah, so that’s why you were blue screening for a second there. Because aside from the most basic of spells, pony magic is generally suited to reflect that which makes them special.”

“Exactly! I was approaching your culture’s perspective on magic through a pony frame of mind, so of course, human views on magic, fictional or otherwise, wouldn't strictly be tied in the same ways to concepts of growth or maturity as in ours.”

“Actually, you’d be surprised how often magic gets shoehorned into coming of age narratives in some shape or form. Although, it’s usually more in the context of identity-societal relationships rather than physical stages of growth.”

“That seems to be a fairly common hook up among your people if what we’ve discussed in our comparative literary studies is any indication.”

“Yeah, the struggle to find a place in society that best aligns with what makes us special would be a hell of a lot easier if we got magical tramp stamps that could give us a clue as to where we could best implement our talents. But more often than not, the career paths we take, don’t always align with our talents and can take us years to discover how to best implement them. So a lot of fiction that has magic at its center reflects this by having young or new practitioners being exposed to a wide array of magical theories and philosophies early on so they can then focus on and specialize in one particular field that speaks to them. Or, in the case of the protagonist, he or she will possess either no magic or magic so different from the standard that they’ll be ostracized by wider society. Which will then usually force them to go on a journey of discovery to find the source of what makes them so different and how they can carve out a niche for themselves in the community.”

Matthias took a moment to pause and give himself a quick mental once over, wanting to make sure he had everything under lock and key again, so nothing else nasty could slip out and possibly upset Twilight. However, his adrenaline began to spike again when he realized how long he’d been quiet, but his fears were allayed when he saw Twilight still furiously scribbling down notes from her side of the mirror.

“Any questions so far?” he asked with an amused sigh, drawing another startled eep from the princess.

“How… how can the magician be a character archetype if magic isn’t a guiding force on your world?” she asked sheepishly, fighting through her embarrassment to try and learn more about the thematic elements of his homeworld. Although, if she was being completely honest with herself, she really just loved seeing how Matthias lit up whenever he got a chance to talk about the subjects he was so passionate about.

“The Magus or Magician archetype is defined as one who seeks answers and wisdom beyond what we currently understand, hoping to use what he has learned in order to improve and change the world. Now, back on Earth, it is often said that scientific principles or technologies that are so far beyond our ken, are in principle, no different from magic. So, one who seeks to unravel and make known these indecipherable phenomena, and use it for the betterment of the world as a whole, would be akin to a magician.”

Once more the sound of intense scribbling began to echo throughout his room as Twilight tried to write down everything Matthias had explained, “Now you said this Dresden character was a blend, in what way did he skirt the line?”

“Well first and foremost, he was a wizard, one who harnessed the primal forces of creation for the betterment of humankind, or to just see if he could do it. His proficiencies in combat and the forensic sciences were used as a means of income to support his continued research into the arcane.”

“Fascinating, not too dissimilar from the Pre-Unification Wayfinder archetype in the Eddas of the old Earth Pony clans or the Tempest Tamer in the Epics of the ancient Pegasi states.”

“In what ways?”

“Well, back in the days before the various tribal herds began to coalesce into what historians and sociologists would generally consider our first major civilizations, ponies were a much more reactionary species than they are today. So rather than tilling the lands or seeding the skies, they were more inclined to move from field to field, and bank to bank, in order to gather food and avoid both predator and storm alike.”

“So, I take it these character types bucked that trend hard?”

“Without even bothering to buy it a drink first. The exploits of Fertile Fields and Feather Burst are not only some of the earliest legends and fables we have on record that depict the inherent prowess of each respective tribe but serve as the foundational myths from which we derive both our agricultural sciences as well as our weather managing technologies.”

“What, no great innovators or trendsetters for the unicorns?”

“Not in any literary or mythological sense. Remember, to most unicorns, our horns and magic may as well be an extension of ourselves, so writing about our use of them would be akin to an earth pony or pegasus writing about her right hand or leg. Yes, while the magic utilized by the old Unicorn Kingdoms did help to unify the three tribes under the Trinitatis Posco with their command of the sun and moon. That position was superseded by Celestia and Luna when they came to power barely a generation later, so not a lot of time there to ingrain that bias into the collective conscious.

“Really, In the grand scheme of things, there have only been a handful of unicorns who've ever actually taken the time to look at or study magic in a purely academic sense, Starswirl, Clover the Clever…”

“You,” Matthias said shooting her a cheeky grin, forcing another blush out of the mare.

“Yes, well... aside from us, most heroes in unicorn sagas tend to fall within either the knight or royal archetypes. While our temporary mastery of the spheres might not have lasted long enough to be regarded as all that historically significant, it was long enough to reinforce a sense of unicorn elitism amongst the other tribes. Which formed a sort of perceptual feedback loop that, well... fed back into the unicorn nobility’s already overly inflated egos. So because of this, you’ll hardly ever see a unicorn that isn’t depicted in a position of authority or an elite warrior of some kind, even within the literature of the other tribes.

“And while magic is still widely considered a means to an end for most us, it did act as a sort of hierarchical classification system among the unicorn elite so they could give themselves even more status. This can be seen with characters like Sunder Six-Swords, Double Drake the Shifter and Ballista Blast, all of whom were adventuring knights of great fame and repute. But because Sunder’s magic was of the Wielder class, he was ranked lower in regards to both title and nobility than Drake, a Transmuter, who in turn was societally inferior to Ballista, a Caster.”

“What makes a Caster any better than a Transmuter or a Wielder?”

“It had to do with the perceptions of applied magic at the time. Unicorns whose magic aligned best with the manipulation of objects around them were often seen as limited or lesser than those who could, let’s say, turn water into wine, or lead into gold, while Casters were seen as being able to manipulate magic in its purest form and were not necessarily limited to the spells afforded by their Cutie Marks. However, as the years went by and the talents of ponies began to produce more specialized magics, these three base magical archetypes began to mix and match, giving rise to such character classes as The Jester, The... The Illusionist, and… and The…”

But before Twilight could carry on with her impromptu lecture on the development of unicorn character types, her eyes wrenched shut, followed by the subsequent drooping of her ears, head, and shoulders.

“I-I’m sorry May, I… I did it again!” she said suddenly sounding somber, guilt marring her cute little muzzle as she dropped her head onto her desk.

“Did what again?” Matthias asked cautiously, initially fearing her experiment was about to go haywire, but her tone lacked the necessary panic and energy he had come to expect from destructive dissonance within her projects.

“Oh nothing much, I only just spent the past fifteen minutes going off on about twenty different tangents about x, y, and z, and not once have I asked you how your day was or how you’ve been?!”

“Oh that,” he said, breathing a somewhat relieved sigh as he pushed aside the notes and checklists he’d been filling out, no longer fearing that things were about to go critical in a literal sense, only a figurative one. “Look, you don’t have to worry about that Twi, and to be fair, I didn’t ask you ei-”

“But you’ve got a contusion on your forehead that wasn’t there on Wednesday, May! And you’ve been favoring your left hand over your right since we started talking! And I think I’ve lived with Spike long enough to be able to spot a fake yawn and the ‘it’s been a long day’ excuse whenever somepony wants to drop the current topic I’m going on about. So clearly something must have happened to set you off today!”

“Nothing too serious just a bit of a-”

“I knew it! And instead of asking what happened or if I could bring you anything to help, here I am going all magical maniac again because you’ve been assimilating and applying higher-level metaphysical theorems and philosophies at a rate months ahead of what our initial schedules predicted.”

“Twilight! Seriously, I’m okay! It’s nothing to get wor-”

“I mean, here I am in Ponyville pulling my mane out trying to find somepony who can discuss the finer points of spellcraft and arcane theory with me. But when Celestia pulls a stallion out of the ground who can not only keep up with me academically but has made me question everything I've ever thought or known about the nature of the spheres and the heavens from the day he first came into my life, how do I go about treating him? Like he was a bucking research project and not a friend in pain!" She cried, her latest in a long line of tizzies nearly drawing tears from Matthias, as he couldn't bear to see his friend so distraught over something as trivial as the state of his day.

"Seriously, what kind of friend does that to somepony they… they care about?" Twilight asked, unable to look Matthias in the eye, the weight of her shame forcing her head down onto her desk, some barely audible drips reaching him from the other side of the mirror.

“The kind that understands and respects me completely Twilight,” Matthias answered gently, causing the mare on the other side of the mirror to immediately snap to attention.

“W-what?! But I-”

“The kind who knows me so well that she can tell right off the bat whether or not I’m seriously hurting or not.’

“But you are hur-”

“The kind who, knowing I’m not in any real distress, chooses instead to share her passion and craft with me, and allows me to share my passion with her, rather than fall back on some unwritten social formality that lacks any and all sense of intimacy.”

“Is it really oka-”

“And the kind who always takes everything I say to heart, and instead of going to bed at sundown as any sane mare should, she chooses to stay up ‘til fuck all in the morning just to talk with me. So thank you for setting all this up for me.” He finished with a smile that held nothing but warmth and gratitude for Twilight, blitzing her with a little affection to try and cut off any further ramblings.

“R-really?” was all the lavender mare could choke out from her end of the mirror, her previous tenseness all but washed away in the gentle heat Matthias' words had sparked in her. The tears that had been spilling onto her desk now replaced by a warm mist that caused her eyes to shine without the need for magic any more.

“Really really!”

“And you’re sure that you’re alright?

“I’ve cleaned it and put it on ice. Just gonna wait a bit before wrapping it with anything.”

“C-can I see it?” she asked sheepishly, worry warring with her concern for Matthias as she tried to put on as brave a face for him as she could.

Which shocked Matthias to no end, seeing how squeamish Twilight could get whenever his old trauma would manifest. But Twilight had been surprising him to no end this evening. From the success of her charm to her crack at a dirty joke, she had been steadily trying to push out beyond her comfort zone, and though Matthias wasn’t exactly sure how she’d react, he didn’t want to disparage the courage she’d been showing him.

Looking down into his lap with a sigh, he removed the little towel turned ice-bag and was relieved to see that the wound now looked leagues better than it did twenty minutes ago. The bleeding having finally come to a halt while the swelling around the knuckles had begun to shrink to manageable levels. With one last nervous glance up at his friend, he found his resolve bolstered when she gave him a steady nod and returned his smile with one just as shy as his own.

Said smile morphed into a sharp gasp, however, when Matthias' right hand came into view, her hands shooting up to cover her muzzle in her shock.

“Trust me Twi, it looks a lot worse than it feels,” Matthias said trying to assure her everything was alright.

“It looks like the Seventh Layer of Tartarus!”

“In what way does my hand look anything like the Phlegethon, a forest of tree people, or flaming salt pouring from the sky?”

“The buck happened May?!” she asked as she started pulling together various odds and ends from across what Matthias could now see was her bedroom. Choosing to ignore his little foray into Italian literary classics as she threw what looked like a mortar and pestle onto her desk, as well as an alembic, a wooden box, several reams of paper containing various charts and graphs, and the little self-loading typewriter she used during their bi-weekly cultural exchanges. Its keys having already begun to hammer away at the sound of their voices.

“What can I say? The escape tunnel didn’t really agree with me this evening?”

“But last week you told me that you used the emergency access four times without anything triggering you! What was so different about tonight?” She asked as she slipped a couple dried leaves into the mortar and pestle, causing the little ceramic stick to hop up on its own and begin grinding the bowl’s contents into dust.

“N-nothing statistically significant.”

“That stutter proves otherwise,” Twilight said calling him out, looking back at him after studying the various graphs and spreadsheets orbiting around her. Each cataloging the frequency, duration, and antecedent of every single episode he had had since she had accidentally walked in on one during their fifth or so study session together.

“I’m… I’m serious Twilight, there weren’t any significant antecedents before this one or any of the oth-”

“There were more?!”

“Oh goddammit,” Matthias sighed as he started rubbing at his temples, fearing that his accidental slip of the tongue may have just set off Twilight.

But Twilight was just full of surprises for him tonight. Shocking Matthias to no end when instead hyperventilating and busting out the ingredients for her teleportation rite, she took a few deep breaths and settled herself back down at her desk. Giving Matthias a sad yet yearning look that all but broke the poor bastard.

“May… please, if we want to get a better understanding of why this is happening to you and how to potentially resolve it for good. Then we need to examine the factors that draw out these kinds of violent reactions from you openly and without bias, and you need to trust and be honest with me so I can help you work through it.”

You don’t want to let it go…

“Celestia…”

“What about her?”

“After pointing out an inconsistency I found in a grant request and explaining to her how she had missed it, I had to carry her off to her room. Seeing as she was on hour sixteen of this thrice-damned legislative rush and suffering a massive sugar crash and all. But when I made to lay her on the bed she cast some kind of magic to change into her pajamas and...”

“And…”

“And you know! I could, feel… things.”

“What things?”

“You know…” Matthias said bringing his hands to his chest before flexing them in a groping motion, “things. Without anything there to cover them.”

“I still don’t get what… you’re… Oh… Oh my stars!” Twilight squeaked out, turning her darkest shade of purple yet as her wings shot out with a noticeable *pomf,* realizing just what Matthias was implying.

“That’s right, for all of five seconds I had Celestia’s naked tits pushing into my back and two heaping helpings of bare royal flank in each hand.”

“What did they feel like?”

“Soft but with a firmness that doesn’t do their size any justice, with just enough weight and give at both ends to really press in to.

“How’d they look?”

“Couldn’t tell ya, I was carrying her on my ba… Wait! Why do you want to know all that?!” Matthias reeled having finally caught up with what she was asking him to describe, but Twilight was way too engrossed in jotting down what he had just told her to even notice his question. Which caused Matthias to chuckle a bit, seeing the flame she still had for her former mentor burning just as bright as ever.

“And here you nearly had me convinced you weren't hot for teacher anymore.”

This seemed to bring Twilight back down to Equus, as she let out another panicked *eep* before quickly crumbling up the notes she had been taking and throwing them off to the side.

“I-I’m not! I was just trying to determine if there were tactile or visual stimuli that may have prompted your episode!

“That stutter proves otherwise,” he said singing her words merrily back at her.

“B-b-b-be that as it may, what in the unholy Tartarus were you two doing that would leave the pri-, I mean Celestia, in such a state where she couldn't even tell where she was changing?” She all but blurted out, desperate to try and move on from this particular line of questioning as she poured the ground up leaves from the mortar into the alembic and set the solution to boil.

“Like I said, she’d already been pulling sixteen hours by the time I came back to the office after checking up on that grant. So for the sake of her sanity, I decided to play a bit of keep away with the cake I’d gotten her.”

Twilight’s relief at Matthias having gone along with her shift in topic without further harassment was quickly replaced by a look of pure incredulity.

“Let me see your fingers,” she demanded.

“I’m telling you Twi, they’re looking a helluva lot better than they did when I first got back.”

“On both hands May.”

Matthias studied Twilight’s face, looking for any hint or sign as to what she may be planning, but after staring at the mare for a few more seconds, he simply shrugged his shoulders. Unable to suss out what her goal was, and held his hands up for her to see, wiggling both sets of digits in front of her muzzle.

Twilight moved forward on her end, her face coming within inches of his splayed out fingers, relatively speaking of course. Though the warm air bending around the concentration of mana did give the impression that it was her breath, rather than convection, blowing against his hands as she continued her scrutinizing.

“Huh, that’s strange.”

“What is.”

“You claimed to have spent some time tonight withholding cake from Celestia, but clearly you’ve still got all your fingers attached.” Twilight mused with a smirk as she reclaimed her previous position at her desk.

“Well, I made sure to only show her the box during my little demonstration and not the cake itself. So when she finally saw the genocide by chocolate I’d gotten her, I was banking on her tearing into it rather than tearing into me.”

“Demonstration? I thought you were playing kee-”

“I’ll explain when you’re older Twilight.”

“You know I’m only a year and a half younger than you right?”

“And on the day that you’re not a year and a half younger than me, I’ll teach you the sacred art of the shell game.”

“That’s not how the till you’re older excuse works!”

“I know, you just look so goddamned adorable when you give me that is he being serious face.”

“Rgggh just you wait May, you can't hide what a Frizzle, Google, and Nye are from me forever!” she promised with an angry snort and flare of her nostrils.

“I’m not hiding anything. Like I said, I’ll tell you when you’re ol-”

“So, was it Celestia pressing herself against you while naked as a flame that led to your little disagreement with the deployment artery?” Twilight interjected, realizing she was once again getting swept up in his pace and was progressively moving further and further from the topic at hand.

“That’s a negative there Ghost Rider. Celestia unintentionally molesting me happened somewhere in the neighborhood of 9:00 and 9:30, and this was about thirty minutes ago,” he said while drumming the fingers on his right hand atop his desk slowly. “Though it was responsible for fucking my face up more than it already is and probably helped loosen me up so the rest could run a train on me.”

“It’s not that bad… How many we talking?”

“Rounding down, about seven?”

“Seriously?!”

“Eeyup.”

“Sweet Celestia we haven't seen those numbers since-

“The collar came off, I know.”

“So how many of those episodes would you attribute to Celestia’s actions?”

“Two definitely. There was one right after locking up at the office, followed by another one as I was making my way towards Night Court. The maybe happened in the lavatory outside the Great Hall, but I was able to snuff it out before any real damage could occur.”

“How did you-”

“Hot water.”

Twilight winced at just how nonchalant Matthias was being about harming himself but chose to merely nod and write down what he’d confided in her, wanting to remain as objective as possible while he was still being so open with her.

“So after pulling yourself back together, you then made your way over to Night Court to meet with Luna, correct?”

“Yep.”

“Any significant deviations from the norm?”

“Yeah, we actually had to do our jobs.”

“You mean…”

“Uh-huh, we had a pair of ponies show up well past their bedtime.”

“What happened?”

“Their daughter didn’t make it home from school.”

“Oh no! Is she alright?! Were the guards notified? How did Luna-”

“Woah, easy there Twi! Deep breathes, alright? Luna and I were able to put together a search parameter which Starry and the gang then used to find her and bring her home.”

“Thank the stars for little miracles!” Twilight exclaimed with a relieved sigh, slumping back into her chair once the flash of adrenaline flooding her veins had burnt up, “What in Celestia’s name was she doing out so late?”

“New bakery opened in the city. She and her friends thought that if they got there around closing time they’d be able to get in and out quick. But you know what they say about the best-laid plans of mice and men.”

“No, I don't actually.”

“Damn… guess it’s just as easy to forget that you aren’t human either,” he said sheepishly, his hand reaching behind his neck to scratch at some nonexistent itch.

“Well... I'm glad I’m finally starting to look human in your eyes.”

Do what now?

But before Matthias could question what she had meant by any of that, Twilight continued to press on with her investigation:

“So did the reactions of the ponies beseeching Luna play any role in unhinging you?”

“Nah, just your standard looks of, ‘holy shit, what is that?’ and some defensive body language, but once Luna and I set about finding their kid, they became quite the amiable lot.”

“How long was she missing?”

“About seven hours give or take.”

“I can't imagine how happy her parents must have been she was finally brought home.”

“Couldn’t have been less than what Luna felt.”

“Speaking of Luna, how was she holding up through all of that?”

“She was a little tense at first, but once we got into a rhythm, everybody started loosening up some.”

“Uh, May-”

“Heard it as soon as it left my mouth, yep. Really the only sour patch we had was when we were going over some forms Celestia needed Luna to sign and she started going through her am I doing enough blues.”

“Please tell me you were able to talk her out of doing anything desperate?”

“Eh, it was nothing a bit of Terran colloquialism and an invite for the Combined Court’s Planning Committee couldn't fix.”

“Does that mean...!?”

“Yep! Turns out Celestia’s been downplaying how close we were with the votes and has set up a meeting for laying down the groundwork in two weeks.”

“Oh yes yes yes, Luna must’ve been so happy to finally get her present. You and Celestia have been kissing flank for months to get this set up!”

“Yeah, my lips are still chapped from all the puckering. But don't sell yourself short, having the support of the Princess of Friendship and the Elements of Harmony certainly helped grease the wheels.”

“Just… just please never use the words puckering and grease that close together again and we’ll call it even,” she said, trying a little too hard to hide her blush behind another joke.

“Heh, I make no promises.”

“So, have you gotten your invitation yet?”

“How’d you know I’d be getting one?”

Now it was Twilight's turn to stop and stare as if he was the one speaking complete and utter nonsense, “Because it was you who set all this in motion, May!”

“Look, just because I had a rare moment of clarity, doesn’t mean I'm suddenly qualified to restructure a civic institution.”

“You’re also a scholar of both your world’s history and governments.”

“Yeah, my world’s history and governments!”

“So that means you have an expertise in civic institutions wholly alien to our own, whose aspects could then be incorporated into the layout of the Combined Court.”

“Expertise is pushing it a bit. I only got that endorsement to make myself more marketable. It’s not like I got a Bachelor's or Master’s in that field.”

“Even so, you’ll be there offering a unique perspective nopony else will be able to bring because you’re not… I mean because you don’t approach things from a pony frame of mind.”

“Well, when you put it like that-”

“Also because Celestia told me you were going to attend and asked me in the postscript of my invite to convince you that you were qualified!” she said with honest to god smug in her voice. Which would’ve made Matthias' subsequent deadpan shatter the mirror had it still been made of glass.

“You know, you could've saved us a couple of minutes if you had just started with that point.”

“I know, but you’re just so cute when you’re irritated.” She shot back at him with a shit eating grin that looked so much like his own, it bordered on copyright infringement.

Note to self: lay off Celestia for two weeks.

“So we’ve accounted for approximately two of your outbursts so far. Can you think of any other situations you were in tonight that may have upset you further?” Twilight asked after giving Matthias a few seconds to fume for a bit.

“Well, between actually accomplishing something at Night Court and her gift going off without a hitch, Luna wound up jumping me, in the literal sense. Then when we got to the garden, we shot the shit for a bit before I somehow asked her out to this Winter Wind carnival thing-”

“You what!?”

“Hey, don't look at me like that. We’d been discussing the finer points of carnival culture when she let it slip that she was never able to go to any pre-lunar banishment, so I offered to take her with me. She was the one who went and called it a date after kissing me!”

“She ki-”

“On the cheek, Twilight. Just breathe, inhale blue, exhale red.”

“Sorry, got a bit excited there,” she begged while fanning herself with a stack of spreadsheets. “So was this what pushed you over the edge.”

“Couldn’t rightly say. Before I could get a word in edgewise on the subject I had to keep Luna from going full Nightmare Moon on Celestia after she found out what she said to me when I wouldn't give her her cake.”

“Which was…”

“A thinly veiled threat to throw me in Tartarus.”

“WHAT! Why would she say something like that?!”

“Please refer to earlier points about sixteen-hour shifts with legislative deadlines fast approaching.”

“Still, to think she could say something so… so insensitive, considering where she found you and all.”

“Well, like I told our favorite Solar Diarch when she realized she dun goofed, despite all the glitz and glam surrounding her she’s still just a regular mare beneath the raiments, so she’s entitled to the standard rate of fuck-ups allotted to the rest of us.”

Twilight's visage softened a bit, remembering how often and emphatically Celestia would insist she drop the titles while they were among friends. And how whenever she did treat her like she was just one of the girls, those shining amethyst eyes which had captivated her since she was a little filly, would light up even brighter than her charge.

“So… what happened after you kept Luna from going all pre-equestrian on Celestia?”

“Heh, well, somehow she got it in her head that me living here for these past eight months was something worth celebrating so-”

“Of course it is, May!” Twilight snapped, refusing to let Matthias belittle his time in Equestria any further. “Ever since you came into our lives, it feels like the world’s become that much... bigger of a place! I mean, in those eight months you’ve been with us I’ve lost track of how many times you’ve taken something I’ve held as irrefutable fact and turned it into something new and… well, magical for me again! All while being one of the most open, kind and caring souls I’ve ever met. And I know it’s not just me who feels this way. Whenever you and Luna have a class together, I’m half tempted to remind her that I’m the teacher as much as her gaze is on you. And though I don’t have the necessary equipment to measure the lumens, I swear I can pinpoint the exact time you’ve come back from your lunch break because the day actually gets brighter whenever you’re near Celestia. And that’s not even counting what you did for Dinky and the girls, or how you helped Zephyr and Marble through that nightmare. Heck, even Maud didn’t think she’d have been able to make it out of there if it hadn’t been for you. So please, I know it might seem selfish considering what you lost and what you had to go through, but I really am glad that you’ve become a part of our lives!” She finished with nary a trace of teasing or jest. Just simple and honest affection that forced Matthias to turn away from the mare lest the mist forming in his eyes turn to rain.

“Yeah… well, I still don’t feel like my existence in and of itself is cause for blowing up the sky and redecorating it just to give me back a piece of my home.”

“Lunadidwhatnow?!” she blurted out, porting off in a flash of purple before Matthias could tell her to go look out the window.

For a good pregnant pause, there was nothing but the contents of Twilight’s desk, and the backdrop of her bedroom filling the mirror until a slightly frazzled and hyperventilating Twilight materialized back in her seat a few seconds later.

“Did you see the… How’d she even… When in the... Pillars and… Fingers and… and-”

“Yeah, I pretty much had the same reaction,” he chuckled, glad that this tizzy of Twilight’s was more of the omigosh this is amazing variety rather than the typical what the buck am I supposed to do/what could possibly go wrong types she was prone to.

“I… I never thought feeling so small would be so… so exhilarating!” She managed to say between progressively deeper and manageable breaths. “I mean, this is so far beyond the scope of anything that’s been recorded in the Tower of High Astrology, and the sheer intensity of the mana radiating off the formation is making my horn buzz.”

“Who’da thought a little Walk the Moon and some swing could be so potent?”

“There is nothing about that sentence that makes any kind of sense, May.”

“What? Luna said we needed to sync ourselves up or something for her magic to work, so she picked out a beat on my phone and asked me to dance.”

“Did she now?” Twilight asked, her tone caught somewhere between teasing and accusatory as she shot him a playful smirk, her cheek resting on her hand as she propped herself up atop her desk.

“Hey, you were the one just explaining how the Mare in the Moon helped you gather rocks from, said moon to coat in quicksilver so you could make a voodoo doll out of a ruby, so forgive me if I didn’t look too deep into the metaphysics of it.”

“Heheh… Well, I'm half tempted to wake up everypony so they can see it before Celestia and Luna have to erase it in a few hours.”

“Yeah… as much fun as it is imagining the repercussions of you running through the streets of Ponyville at… 3:30 in the morning banging on everybody’s door while screaming to look up at the sky, I’d hold off lest you either get yourself lynched or freak out some more poor ponies.”

“What do you mean, more?”

Matthias let out a tired sigh as he once again found himself treading down some dark corners. Trying to piece together a narrative of the remainder of tonight's festivities that wouldn't worry Twilight into another fit, or make him come off as damaged goods she shouldn’t be wasting her time on:

“After we danced the new night in, I was beside myself. Nobody’s ever done something like that for me before; never gone out of their way like that just to make me feel like I’m worth a damn,” he tried explaining, noting curiously how her ears seemed to flatten a bit while she cast a nervous glance at the white oak box she had pulled out earlier.

“But as you said, nobody outside of you, me, or the princesses have ever seen something like the Pillars before, so while we were in the middle of admiring our handiwork, some poor sod must have lost his shit and dropped something and you know how bad this place can echo.”

Twilight gasped in dawning horror as she realized where Matthias was going with this, “H-how bad was it?”

“F-for a few seconds, I… I was back in the caves,” he confessed as he cradled his head in his arms, trying and failing to will away the scrapes and snarls buzzing around the periphery of his hearing as his body began to shake. All while hoping against hope that the gem Twilight had spent so much of her time and effort on would blow up like the majority of her projects so she couldn’t see him looking so crippled.

“May… look at me, please.”

Twilight’s voice held no fear, nor was it pleading in any way. In fact, there was a strength behind it, a gentle yet commanding authority, that Matthias often heard in Luna, and always found in Celestia, compelling him to lift his head and face the mare in the mirror.

And who he saw staring back at him wasn’t the dorky little archmage who had two left hooves, and couldn’t find a beat with a GPS and the directions tattooed on her forearm. No, this was Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of freakin’ Friendship. The pony who always fought her hardest to see the very best in everybody, and no matter how sick or damaged their soul may be, was always willing to extend them her hand and offer them the friendship and companionship she believed everyone deserved.

Granted the visage was marred a bit by the trail of tears carving a path down her cheek and the small dribble of snot hanging from her nostril. But her eyes were the very picture of compassion and understanding, while her smile radiated a warmth that froze his shivers solid.

“Thank you May,” she said while wiping her face off, pressing her hand against the screen once finished, “Thank you… for being so strong for me.”

Matthias' mind seized, unable to process why Twilight hadn’t run off screaming yet, or how she could possibly view him recounting his progressively escalating episodes as anything less than ceaseless bitching, let alone strong. But that damnable smile of hers; it was like each time he tried to convince himself that his bullshit was going to push somebody else away, it assured him that she was right here and that she wasn’t going anywhere. Told him that it didn't matter how far he had fallen because she would always be there to pull him out from whatever black thoughts were eating away at him.

And it was that confidence, that certainty radiating off of Twilight that Matthias desperately clung to, using it as an anchor to pull himself out of his doldrums, and off of his desk, so he could face his friend once again.

“Heh, strong’s pushing it a bit, but I appreciate the sentiment,” he said shyly, returning her smile with a grin of his own, albeit one much more timid than the one she was sporting as he brought a hand up to press it against hers.

“You’re the strongest stallion I’ve ever met,” she declared softly as she leaned forward, resting her forehead resting against the enchanted glass. A motion Matthias mirrored as he settled himself atop his desk, wanting to be that much closer to Twilight, at least in spirit.

“Clearly you’ve never seen Maud on the job site.”

“Like I said, the strongest stallion I’ve ever met,” Twilight affirmed with a cute giggle that caused Matthias to blush so hot and bright that he swore he could see both him and Twilight turning red.

At least until a burst of crimson static arced from the mirror and onto his desk, burning a small hole in the corner of the notes he’d been taking.

Looking up in a panic, Matthias saw that it really wasn’t just him turning rosy. Twilight, his desk, as well as a good portion of his study were all now glowing a deep molten red, errant sparks shooting off in every direction out and across his room from both the ruby and the mirror as his lectern began to tremble slightly.

“AND HERE WE GO!” Matthias shouted in a panic, making ready to duck and cover for a third time this evening before Twilight’s impassioned words caused him to freeze:

“IT’S OKAY IT’S OKAY I GOT THIS!” she asserted quickly and confidently as she shot up from her chair and lit up her horn. The sudden shift upwards forcing her shirt to ride up a bit and expose her midriff for the briefest of seconds before falling back into place over her bright purple leggings.

Well, at least she’s wearing pants tonight! Matthias mused wistfully as he took a few tentative steps away from his desk, blushing as he wondered why, with another Code Sparkle playing out right in front of him, he seemed more interested with her choice in evening wear, rather than the fireball his desk was about to become.

That was until Twilight started dancing.

Starting with a few subtle motions of her hands and arms, and with some barely audible whispers that Matthias couldn’t quite make out over the increasing intensity of his desk’s shaking, Twilight began to sway back and forth ever so slightly.

Each of her movements were precise yet fluid as purple hands struck out like violet bolts of lightning to pluck the escaping energies out of the sky, guiding them back into her horn before gliding back down the rest of her body in an almost sensual manner. Her fingers trailing tiny bursts of violet static across the silken surface of her purple PJs as they traced along the delicate curves of her chest and waist. The seamlessly embroidered renditions of her cutie mark glowing brighter and brighter with each pass.

And with every errant spark of stray magic she caught and dispersed, it seemed as if the sway to her hips became more and more pronounced, the flow of her hands across her body more purposeful, while a faint glow began to burn beneath her coat. Causing her sparkling lochs to shimmer and sway in time with the unheard beat she was dancing to, and send beads of sweat and droplets of water from her previous shower cascading through the air, each shining in shades matching that of her dual toned indigo and magenta mane.

But all that paled before the ever-widening grin spreading across Twilight’s muzzle. It had started off as some tiny little thing at first, barely a nervous quiver at the corner of her lip as she went through the motions of her silent waltz. But as she progressed through each of her steps, Twilight’s smile began to splinter and crack, blooming and beaming in time with the blush spreading down her cheeks and into her neck and chest, until the little alicorn’s toothy grin had damn near split her face open.

Tries to learn the Cupid Shuffle and she nearly breaks my foot. Tries to disarm an out of control magical gemstone and she turns into Jenna Dewan Tatum!? Matthias thought as he he watched her turnabout. Finding himself unable to even blink in the presence of Twilight’s subtle grace, much less turn and run, despite the fact he was standing less than a foot away from a hundred and ten pounds of flaming shrapnel in potentia.

Twilight continued to carry on with her little shimmy for another minute or so, focusing on containing and redistributing the runaway magic she’d been siphoning off of the charms rather than damage control, though a few wild arcs still required some artful blocking on hers and Matthias' part to keep their respective rooms from combusting. But eventually, their rattling studies began to settle as the red staining their feeds was seemingly soaked into Twilight. Leaving nothing but a panting, sweating mare in the mirror grinning like a fiend back at Matthias, her chest heaving as she tried propping herself up against her desk. At least, until her legs finally gave out and she fell full spread straight back onto the floor, causing the contents of her study to jump as she hit the ground with a barely cushioned thump.

“All good over there Twily?” Matthias asked after giving her a minute to collect herself, ready to run down a guard in case she’d gone and blown another gasket, but relaxed when a fuzzy purple hand rose from the floor, middle finger raised proudly.

“All good here May,” she slurred excitedly, some drunken sounding giggles escaping from her lips as she pulled herself back into her chair and flopped onto her desk. Her wings flaring out and twitching at random intervals.

“You sure? 'Cause I seem to recall teaching you that thumbs up is the sign for everything being alright.”

“Oh I know, I’m just telling you to go buck yourself for calling me Twily again,” she explained while attempting to shoot him a wink but found she hadn't the motivation, nor desire, to open her eyes back up once she had closed them. The temporary loss of her sight allowing her to revel in the currents of mana buzzing beneath her skin, as a satisfied hum slipped past the sleepy smile that had settled on her lips.

“Rrrrreeeowwww someone’s in top form tonight. What happened today? Did those temporary visas you requested for the summer abroad in the Dragon Lands get approved or something?”

“Heehee Not yet! Just heehee just Rarity going full tilt diva and you and me becoming closer is all,” she lazily explained as she nuzzled her cheek into her workspace.

“Hey hey hey, I know you’re a little drunk on power at the moment, but I need you to stay with me for a bit.”

“Hee hee you need me,” Twilight tittered, little tremors racking her body as she tried, and failed, to stifle her giggles.

“That’s right Twi; I need you to focus. Otherwise, that mana buzz you’re riding is gonna turn into one mother of a hangover. So for the sake of keeping you conscious for another couple minutes, could you tell me what it was that set little miss Rarity off this time? Was it Sweetie Belle? Did she wrap the cinnamon-colored thread around the burgundy spools again?”

Twilight shrugged before rolling her head up to look at May with a bit of a pout. “Not sure, after Sweetie came bursting through the gates screaming about Rarity being broken again, Spike and I hauled flank over to the boutique to see if she was alright. But between the spoonfuls of rocky road and the cries of, Oh woe is me, the stars have aligned against me!” She decried in an overly exaggerated manner, putting on the posh accent she would often use when mimicking her fashionista friend’s more eccentric outbursts, “All we could really get out of her was that somepony must’ve done something truly bucked up to one her ensembles.”

“This… this all wouldn’t have happened around 9:00, would it?”

“N-now that I think about it, yes!” Twilight realized as she started to sober up once again, the influx of arcane energy coursing through her body having finally distributed itself evenly across the various pathways and reservoirs of mana littered about her nervous system. “But how did you-”

“And was there a second and third one about fifteen and thirty minutes later respectively?”

Twilight’s jaw dropped, though it could only go so far given how she was still cradling her head in her arms, but the look of pure shock and awe in her eyes more than made up for her muzzle’s lack of motion.

“May… you’re starting to scare me. There’s just no way you could’ve put all that together all on your own! How in the unholy buck could have you possibly know that?”

“Now now Twilight,” Matthias tsked with a wave of his finger, “if I just went and shared everything I knew with you, what reason would you have to keep coming back to see me?”

“W-what?! N-no, why would I… May, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever made! Yes, you're smart and possess a knowledge base and perspective unlike anything we’ve ever seen before. But you're also so much fun just to talk to! Not to mention nice and sweet and caring and… and you're just messing with me aren't you?”

“Guilty as charged, though it is nice to know that there's at least one pony out there that sees me as more than just a pretty face,” he teased as he turned his head somewhat to the right, hoping he could hide the blush from Twilight’s honest appraisal of him beneath his discolored scarring.

But Twilight, being the ever observant mare that she was, saw how much of an effect her words were having upon him and decided now would be as good a time as any to see if what Luna had told her about Matthias' colors evening out was really true or not:

“Just pretty? D-don’t sell yourself short, May. Between your alien countenance and your subtle predatory features, you’d make for quite the piece of exotic eye candy for some lucky mare out there,” she said, causing Matthias to snap to and redden further.

“R-really now? And… and here I thought shipping was your sister-in-law’s end all be all.” Matthias snarked, quickly realizing from how badly she was blushing, and how poorly she was trying to stifle both her stutter and giggles, that Twilight was just in the mood for a little verbal sparring.

Though he did find it somewhat strange; out of all the times, he’d stood in as a crash-test dummy for her to practice some impromptu shit-talk on, rarely, if ever, did his looks or potential love-life on Equus come up. So he decided, if she was willing to step up and push a few boundaries, he might as well not discourage her, but not without giving it back to her in full:

“Alright then, humor me oh Princess of Just Friends, what have I got going for me that supposedly makes the mares’ hearts go all aflutter?”

“I-I don’t even know where to begin,” she stammered slightly, not expecting to find the ball back in her court so quickly.

“Begin at the beginning… and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

“Then I’ll start with that insufferable wit of yours. It’s like, no matter how shitty a day somepony could be having, or how completely daunting a problem or task might seem to her, you always have some quip or quote from your world you can pull out your ass that makes everything seem that much more manageable.”

“To be fair, I butcher half those sayings, and really only use them in the context of the majority of the words in this quote sound like what you were just fretting over, so I hope this somehow makes you feel better. And I would be remiss not to mention how if it weren’t for one special purple pony, I’d still be carrying twenty pounds of steel around my neck and writing out everything I had to say. So, you know, thanks... again. I… I’ll … There’s just no way I’ll ever be able to pay you back for that.” He said with a forlorn sigh, unable to find any words that could convey to Twilight just how much her efforts in bringing him back from the brink had meant to him.

“Just keep being you, May. That’s all any of us want,” she told him honestly, marveling at how quickly the human could switch from talking smack, to pouring his heart out. All the while a primal sense of satisfaction began to bubble up from within her at how her words were actually dyeing him red on all sides.

“Us? You pulling the royal plural on me or are you suggesting there’s somebody other than you that wants to hitch a ride on the human?”

“W-well considering what I’ve seen whenever we’ve had to perform an *ahem* emergency disrobing, you’re definitely well enough equipped to be able to handle us,” she asserted boldly, causing them both to color further.

“I fucking knew it!” he exclaimed with equal parts triumph and fury, causing Twilight to jump slightly from his unexpected outburst. “I fucking knew that that ‘magical cross-contamination between materials’ bit was just some bullshit you cooked up so you could sneak a peek!”

“N-no it’s not! When dealing with a chemical spill or fire of any kind, you have to be thorough in its containment, or else you risk subjecting yourself and others to the effects of secondary or tertiary exposure. Doubly so if the materials involved were laced with any kind of magic!” she desperately tried to explain to Matthias, only to regain her composure when she saw the small smile worming its way into the corner of his lips as he tried holding back another round of cackles.

“Ahem, And yes, well… While I’ll admit you’re much more fun to unwrap than the past twenty-six winter’s worth of birthday and Hearth's Warming presents combined. I’d much rather give you a show as well, rather than deal with your shirt becoming a literal lightning rod, or my skirt turning into a colony of fire ants again!” Twilight laid out with a deadly seriousness that made both of them shudder, given some of the more extravagant bangs in which their projects have ended.

“Those are all well thought out and cogent arguments to try and justify your position…”

“Thank you, May! That’s really-”

“That would only hold water if you:

A). Hadn’t waited until the tenth lab explosion before equipping us with something better than gloves and lab coats.

B). Had used your magic to try and strip me rather than your bare hands.

And

C). Weren’t only wearing fucking neglige beneath your protective gear!”

"Sh-shut up! It took me weeks to figure out that stray motes of your skin were disrupting the arcane synthesis between spell components! A-and I've already explained that underwire bras and panties itch and scratch like a sonofabitch! So I need underwear that isn’t going to be poking and prodding at me whenever I need to adjust the density of my barriers on the fly or calculate a dirty teleport that isn’t going put me halfway into a wall or tree. And no matter how much I beg and plead, Rarity will never accept function without form, whether she’s designing hazmat suits or lingerie! And it’s not like I haven’t been trying to connect to you with my magic! It's going on eight months, and I can still barely get a mote of my magic to stick to you!” she hissed out, drenching that last point with enough venom to poison a steel-type. Her inability to touch him with her magic having been a constant sore spot in their friendship from day one, so Matthias knew not to push those particular buttons.

“Hey, Twi, it’s alright. All I’m saying is that there are plenty of easier ways to get me naked that don’t involve chemical fires or safety protocols. I mean, a nice eggplant parmesan with a good champagne followed by a night on the town and an exciting book to cap off the evening would probably get me out my pants before we even hit the bed.”

“Well, if a certain stallion weren’t thicker than Pinkie’s thighs I’d’ve taken you up on that months ago!”

“What was that?”

“I SAID YOU HAVE THE NICEST FLANKS THIS SIDE OF THE FOAL MOUNTAINS!” she screamed in a panic in an attempt to cover her ass, only to clamp her hands over her muzzle after realizing what she had just admitted to. Causing Matthias to nearly keel over from how hard he found himself laughing.

“Hah hah hah, Sweet… sweet Christ above Twi,” he choked out after spending several seconds trying to piece himself together, “m-maybe tone it down a little. Any louder and I think my mom would’ve been able to hear how much you appreciate my ass back on Earth.”

Twilight was beyond mortified. Here she was hoping to mess with May a bit and brighten up his very early morning after having an obviously stressful evening on his end, but instead of playful banter and ribbing, she was coming off more like a construction mare catcalling stallions as they walked by. It was demeaning, rude, and went against everything she had been raised to believe about how a mare should treat her stallion.

However, before the image of her mother twisting her ear off for even thinking about talking to a stallion in such a disrespectful manner could become too vivid, she just so happened to spy how red Matthias 'ears had gotten. And try as he might to make it seem like the color spreading up and down his two-toned face was from his laughter and not from his embarrassment at her "compliment”, Twilight knew she just wasn’t that funny.

Finding her courage once again bolstered by the impact her flattery, no matter how derogatory it might sound to any sane pony, was having on her human, she continued to press her attack against Matthias:

“I wish she could hear me! That way I could thank her for raising such a wonderful stallion, both inside and out! And let her know that ever since he’s come into life, I wake up with a new reason to smile every morning, and get to see that same smile on my friends’ faces whenever they’re out with their families because of how brave he was!”

“Oh-ho-ho, haven't even taken me out on our first date yet and she already wants to get the parent's blessing. Well, you won’t have too much trouble with my dad. He trusts me enough not to get myself into trouble with women, pony or otherwise, though I’d bring him an oatmeal cream pie if you want to earn some serious brownie points with him. My mom, on the other hand, she’ll be a tougher nut to crack. Me being her baby boy and all, and not wanting some cruel mare to sweep me off my feet only to then lay me out when she’s gotten everything she can from me. But considering you’re the reason I'm able to talk today, and that you're one of the few ponies I’ll come out of my hobbit hole for, I’m sure you’ll win her over eventually. Fair warning though, you break my heart, she will break her foot off in your ass!”

“If I ever did do something so stupid or cruel, I’d gladly bend over and give her what little flank I've got to tan.”

“Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well! Looks like somepony really is a closet masochist between the sheets.”

“W-what can I say, I’ve been spending so much time working with you these past few months that I must’ve picked up a kink or two along the way.”

“Heh, sorry I'm such an awful student. Otherwise, you’d have been able to set me straight long before developing a faux-leather fetish.”

“Hey, I never said it was a bad thing! You’d be surprised how stimulating it is to nuzzle up to bare skin after spending a lifetime rubbing cheeks on coats and scales,” she suggested playfully as she started absentmindedly rubbing her cheek into her palm, shooting Matthias a half-lidded stare that made the man fidget in his seat slightly.

“Heheheh well then, it's… it’s good to know that I’ve got at least three things going in my favor for when that special mare with a terrible taste in stallions comes into my life.”

“That and more May, that and more,” Twilight softly spoke, no longer nuzzling into the hand she’d been propping herself up with but still giving him that heated look that on any other mare would scream, ‘bend me over and rut a dent in my desk.’

But this is Twilight of all ponies, Matthias thought as he felt his face begin to burn beneath her sultry gaze. This little dork’s been my best friend and study buddy ever since they started letting me walk around on my own. I mean, surely she’d have said something these past few months if she was interested, right?

“Hee hee got something on your mind May?” she teased with a nervous smirk, looking down at her desk for a second before locking eyes with Matthias again, her gaze holding an untold amount of heat and anticipation behind her lavender eyes.

“Y-you,” he said honestly as he kept trying to figure out just what in the unholy fuck Twilight was thinking, causing her subsequent blush to turn her even more mauve and her eyes to lid even further.

And that was when Matthias finally recognized the look she had in her eye. That subtle blend of gentle trepidation mixed with heated hope that seemed to hold back so many weeks worth of accumulated admiration and affection for him that it looked like she was actually hurting herself trying to rein it all in.

That’s what Luna looked like just before she kissed me!

All of a sudden, Matthias found himself pouring over every little word Twilight had said and each subtle motion she’d made this evening. Questioning whether or not their earlier displays of platonic affection had really been all that platonic, or if the friendly bout of ball/ovary busting they’d been engaging in had really been all that friendly:

Frustrated she can’t talk with me as much.

Spends months cobbling together a major magical breakthrough just so she can spend more time with me.

Doesn’t freak out in the face of me being a perv.

Actually makes an attempt at a dirty joke… two if we’re being technical about it.

Literally glows when I compliment her.

Only gets upset when she thinks she’s treating me like all I’m good for is talking nerdy to her.

Fights through her own squeamishness to try and help me.

Way more affection and emphasis on how grateful she is to have met me than seen previously.

Freaks out at the mention of Luna asking me on a date and kissing me.

Substantial shift in the subject of standard shit talk from personality quirks to physical and personal traits we find charming or attractive.

Keeps referring to me as a stall- OH DEAR GOD!

And it didn’t stop there either. With the possibility of Twilight having feelings for him quickly taking root, he couldn’t help but begin reevaluating every little hug and nuzzle she’d ever given him. Each and every lunch and dinner date she'd taken him on to try and establish a social presence for him within the city, and all the times he’d woken up after a marathon reading and research session with Twilight wrapped up in his arms, tangled in a cocoon of legs and wings while she clung to him almost desperately.

*Pffft*

Fortunately, before Matthias could fall too far down that particular rabbit-hole, Twilight’s waning composure finally cracked, with what felt like seven decade’s worth of generic sitcom laugh tracks trying to force their way out her mouth at once. The sound bringing the shaken human back from the brink as she collapsed atop her desk, unable to hold herself up amidst the waves of uproarious laughter surging forth from her heaving chest.

“HAHAHAHA SW-SWEET CELESTIA ABOVE YOUR FACE!” She somehow managed to bark out between her fits of manic cackling, warm tears streaming down her face unbidden. “I CAN’T HEHE I CAN’T BELIEVE L-LUNA WAS RIGHT! PFFFT HAHAHA!”

Oh thank God, Matthias mused tiredly, letting loose a relaxed yet dejected sigh as he hung his head in defeat, trying his best not to let Twilight see how much her teasing had shaken him, lest she either keep pressing her victory or start to worry for him.

Yes, while he was relieved and all to have Twilight opening up to him more and finally start dropping some of the formalities. He was barely holding himself together as it was having to wrestle with the fact that Luna may or not have feelings for him and how, should he choose to reciprocate those hypothetical feelings, it may impact their friendship moving forward without the idea that Twilight might also be pining for him banging around in his head as well.

Granted while most men would probably find the idea of having two of the most attractive and powerful women the world over clamoring for their attention appealing beyond compare. Matthias would’ve gladly taken an extra day of PT with Starry rather than deal with any of the shoehorned in, plot-padding, who’s he gonna choose love-triangle bullshit writers are so often forced to add to their stories in order to hold reader/viewer interest.

Plus, when you’ve had a girlfriend go full yandere on you for simply helping a classmate marshal her thoughts for her end of the unit project in AP English, you quickly learn how… extreme some people can take the concept of making you love them. So he was grateful that Twilight had been merely twisting his nuts rather than adding more to his plate.

However, it still stung him somewhat. Having a mare, he found gorgeous, both inside and out, leading him on just for a laugh, dredging up some somewhat painful memories of exes two through four. But with Twilight, he could at least be sure that she wasn’t trying to take advantage of him or be purposefully malicious about it, and as such, he let her genuinely know how he felt about her stringing him along:

“Pardon me if this comes off as a bit plagiaristic, but please get bucked Twily, hard!” he tiredly declared as he started rubbing small circles into his temples.

“Heheh Gl-gladly, you *snort* you free for the next few hours?”

“Sorry, as alliteratively appealing as pounding into purple pony plot sounds, I’m going to have to give you a rain check. Luna’s cooked up some scheme she thinks is gonna get me through the night without running the risk of growing a cap colony on my tonsils, and apparently, it’s gonna involve us being in bed together for the next six to eight hours.”

“R-really now?” Twilight stammered slightly, her face a flash of several competing emotions before playful curiosity finally settled on her muzzle, “And what, pray tell, has prompted our dear Lunar Princess to take such initiative?”

“C-can’t say for sure. After attack number three I was pretty much running on empty, so Lulu tried scooting me off to bed before heading off to a debrief she’d scheduled with Starry.”

“How big was the blast radius and how high was the body count?”

Matthias shuddered as he felt a phantom knuckle dig into his side, “So many tickles. So. Many. Tickles!”

“Hee hee That bad, huh?”

“The bards will sing of our struggle until the sun goes out.”

“And I take it Luna came out on top, seeing as you’re here with me and not at the debrief with her.”

“Position in 3-Dimensional space is relative to that of the observer.”

“And what does that have to do with the price of tea in Trottingham?”

“That yes, while she was able to convince me to go to bed, it was only after she had worn me out enough to have passed out on top of her.”

“Getting a little forward with the Diarchy aren’t we May?”

“Hey, when I realized the pillows I was rubbing my face into were of the pony variety, I tried to move, but before I even got an inch off her, Luna pulled me back down on top of her. Which wouldn't have been so bad, if she hadn’t done it while shooting me those same bedroom eyes you were giving me earlier. Which, by the way, could bed you any poor mare or stallion you turn it towards, so please be careful the next time you drop by the palace lest you unwittingly make Celestia into your royal consort.”

“*Snort* Hee hee You… you don’t have to worry about that May, I’ve got no plans to consolidate that particular half of the Equestrian Diarchy under the Sparkle household just yet. Besides,” her eyes suddenly turned a bit downcast as a wistful sigh escaped her lips, “I’m under no such delusion that she’ll ever see me as anything more than her student and friend. Plus, I’ve had my eye on a certain stallion for the past few months that I hope will get his head out of his flanks soon and notice that I’ve been trying to court him.”

“Awww, and here I thought I was the only stallion you had in your life,” he joked heartily as he felt a familiar, cold tightness begin to work its way through his gut. Though, it was mitigated somewhat by the warm blush beginning to work its way across Twilight’s muzzle. “But in all seriousness, I’m glad you finally found a stallion who can drag you out into the sun without there needing to be an incursion from the Everfree or a national crisis happening first.”

“I-It’s… it’s nothing serious! J-just a couple lunch and dinner dates on the weekend,” she excitedly defended, though there was an undertone of slight annoyance and frustration reinforcing her blush.

“But it’s serious to you isn't it?” He teased, causing her cheeks to darken even more as she nodded her head. “So, spill, what’s he like? Is he a massive dork who can recite the works of Summer Sonnet by heart? Or are you sticking with the cliche and longing for the outlandish adventurer who refuses to be tied down by either mare or familial institution?”

“*Snort* S-six of one, half a dozen of the other. Though if we were to look at it like a baker’s dozen, he’d be more seven of one, half a dozen of the other.”

“So less treasure hunting adventurer and more professor out in the field, got it!”

“Yeah he... he’s the smartest stallion I’ve ever met, not counting Starswirl, of course, but that’s only in regards to sorcery and magical theory, which he’s had little to no grounding in growing up. Though the experiential knowledge and the perspective he’s gained from his time before settling in Canterlot is enough to put anything Starswirl has ever come up with to shame!

“Although, let’s just say that there are days I'm grateful my ascension gifted me with earth pony strength, otherwise I doubt I could get him to leave his room whenever I pay him a visit. He can also be just the teensiest bit dense when it comes to picking up on the more subtle cues a mare gives a stallion to show she’s interested.”

“So on a scale of generic harem romance protagonist to Celestia’s flanks, how dense we talkin’?”

“Heh, I remember having to light my horn up one evening when we were walking home from dinner and I swear I saw the glow bending around his head.”

“Ooh, looks like we’re dealing with a Greg Sestero from The Room then. Well, you’re in luck then Twilight! As despite their seemingly willful ignorance to the advances of those around them, these poor saps are just, more often than not, not expecting such affections to be thrown their way in the first place, and aren’t really sure how they should react once made cognizant of them.”

“Tell me about it. We once had a picnic together out on the Western Battery, and I remember giving him every sign I could think of to maybe get a snuggle out of him. *Sigh* But all I got was a scratch behind the ears and a hug at best.”

Okay, there’s being oblivious, then there’s just being willfully negligent, Matthias mused as he listened to Twilight prattle on about her prospective suitor, hoping to offer her whatever insight he might have that could help her snag this inattentive stallion. In spite of the growing unease and dwindling self-confidence he felt whenever somebody he was attracted to came asking him for relationship advice, and the subtle fluttering of some warning flags waving off in the distance.

He muscled through it, however, reminding himself that he had no control over what Twilight or others found attractive. That she wasn’t the kind of pony who’d up and forget about him once she found somebody who’d be able to do right by her. And if helping her find her special somepony could give her back even a tenth of a thousandth of a percent of the light and love she’d brought back to his life. Then he’d gladly offer her what little insight he had when it came to catching your crush’s eye.

“Well, forgive me if this comes off as a bit culturally insensitive, but have you tried just asking him to be your special somepony? I know you’ve all got your rites and rituals when it comes to courting a mare or stallion you fancy, but if he’s really as slow on the uptake as you're letting on. It might be best just to be upfront about it and let him know how you feel about him, rather than risk losing him by sticking to tradition.”

“M-maybe. It’s just…*sigh* Harmony hasn’t been very kind to him over the past year or so. In that short amount of time, he’s lost his mom and dad, his sister; even his closest friends were all snuffed out in a flash of prismatic fire. And yet despite him losing so much, and suffering on his own for Celestia knows how long, he still… smiles,” Twilight tried explaining to him, that look of longing she had shot him before teasingly now gently boring into him, causing Matthias to begin fiddling with the neck of his t-shirt uncomfortably.

“He's trying so hard to stay strong for everypony around him and goes out of his way to try and share his smile with somepony else. Even though there are days it looks like he’s about to buckle beneath the weight of every cruel and awful thing ever done to him, he keeps fighting through it for the sake of the new friends he’s made.

“I just… I just want to be there for him, you know? Show him how much he’s inspired me to be a better pony and do something… anything to see that smile on his face forever and ever. But… but I can’t help feeling that he deserves so much bucking better than me!

“Especially when you stack me up against the some of the other mares I've seen making moves for him. I mean, they're some of kindest, sweetest, and most drop-dead gorgeous ponies I've ever met, and they’re there for him every day and night trying to help him get back on his f-hooves!

“And then there’s me. Some short stacked little bookworm who can barely give him a couple hours of my time a week and the occasional weekend. And even when I can spend time with, I just wind up talking his ear off about some spell I just learned or a new book I found rather than asking how he’s doing or if there’s anything he’d like to do together.

“A-and I *gulp* I don’t think I could live with myself if I wound up hurting him because of some stupid crush! And I don't want to lose him as a friend after all he’s done for me and the ponies I care about the most,” she screamed almost desperately, her eyes begging Matthias for any sort of help or reprieve as she crumbled atop her desk. “And I just know if I try to broach this topic with him he’s gonna freak, and I’ll just wind up being one more bad dream that keeps him up at night.”

Alrighty then, 80% sure you’re talking about me again Twilight, Matthias couldn’t help but think as she continued looking up at him with those big, pleading eyes of hers. The sheer amount of longing and desperation burning beneath her violet gaze causing what little calm he’d been able to stitch back together to spark like a fuse. Ready to ignite the powder kegs full of black doubt and airy hope he’d been fighting all night to keep from going off again.

Oh, sure, while it was entirely within the realm of possibility for Twilight to have met a stallion on one of her many jaunts across the kingdom who had suffered similarly to how he had. Matthias couldn’t help but recall the night Twilight had taken him out on the town for a little curry and some stargazing in the park. And how while they had been making their way back to the castle, Twilight had pulled him close and wrapped her arms around his own, pouring out light from her horn as she fell in next to him. Claiming she was taking him down a less crowded street so as not to overwhelm him after having done so well out in public.

Or the picnic breakfast they had shared together on the west wall of the castle after pulling another all-nighter mapping out the commonalities and divergences in the development of gothic fiction between their worlds. Where Twilight seemed almost desperate for his affection as they watched Celestia raise the sun over the city together.

Then there were the subtler cues that Matthias had picked up on as well. Like how her eyes had stayed locked on to his the entire time she had been pouring her heart out him. Or how with each little quirk and quality she had listed off about what had attracted her to this mystery stallion, the gentle glow glimmering beneath her cheeks would burn that much hotter and shine that much brighter. And how despite her feeling like she wasn’t worth this guy’s time, the shimmer in her eyes had begun to flare up once more, mirroring the look she had been giving him earlier in an attempt to get a rise out of him.

But rather than cracking up again or trying to stifle another one of her nerdy little snorts, she just kept looking up at him from her desk; her ears splayed against the back of her skull while her bottom lip began to quiver uncontrollably. This little mare who was smart enough to have extrapolated the missing half of a thousand-year-old unfinished magical formula requiring both arithmetic and phonetic sequencing. And brave enough to have faced down two mad gods, three separate foreign invasions, and five goddam kaiju without the slightest hesitation was just simply at a loss for how she should approach the stallion she had a crush on.

And the sight of his friend’s frigid and forlorn form was all it took to settle Matthias back down. Forcing him to focus on the ragged state Twilight had been reduced to and how he could possibly unwind his distressed princess, rather than on the signs and tells confirming the biases she had unwittingly planted into him, no matter how appealing he had begun to find such prospects to be.

“W-well first off, don't call your feelings for him stupid,” he assured her softly but sternly, causing her ears to perk back up, and her frame to stop trembling. “Clearly from what you’ve told me, what you’re feeling for him isn’t some school yard crush that you haven’t thought through. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be tearing your mane out over how he might react to your feelings rather than just whether or not he’ll return them.

“Secondly, quit with this whole, ‘he deserves better than me slash I’m not good enough for him’ business. I know that half the kingdom tends to forget it for the sake of convenience or as part of some running gag. But for Cthulhu’s sake, you are the Princess of Fucking Friendship! Trust me when I say, that’s not the kind of title you get as a prize from a box of crackerjacks or by sending in box tops. No, you earned that crown by wanting to connect with others, by wanting to bring the same light into to their lives that your friends brought into yours. And, from what Luna and Tia have told me, by being the same kind and caring little dork that you’ve been since long before you sprouted feathers or grew a castle. Not to mention smart and brave, seeing as Equestria hasn’t been burned to the ground seven times over thanks to you and your friends. So if any little pony deserves a little TLC, it’s you!”

By this point Twilight had managed to pull herself off of her desk, a deep blush two or three shades darker than her coat working its way down from her cheeks and into her neck. And while she had been able to cease in her shaking, her head was still hanging in such a way that it kept her eyes hidden behind her violet bangs, and her recently returned smile was still barely a quiver at the corner of her muzzle.

But Matthias wouldn’t be satisfied until Twilight was beaming again, so he decided to go for broke and add a little heartfelt to the mix, hoping to finally get this mare he cared to bits for back to her usual excitable self:

“And thirdly, while I might not know the exact kind of shit your friend has been put through, I do know that he needs you to be there for him and that the time you spend together with him is more precious to him than you really know.”

“A-and… and how would you know that?” Twilight whispered, still keeping her head hung low enough for her to hide her eyes from him, but Matthias could see that her smile was beginning to worm its way across more and more of her muzzle.”

“Because he’ll have days where he’ll wake up and forget what it’s like to have people who care about him, and he’ll hate himself for it. He’ll hate himself because he knows that there are ponies in his life who want to be there for him, who’ve wasted days, upon weeks, upon months trying to prove to him over and over again that he’s both welcomed and loved. That they’re his friends and all that they want is for him to be happy.

“But it won’t matter to him! He’ll still feel lost and alone and overwhelmed by every fucked up thing he’s had to go through in order to get here, unable to appreciate what he still has or what he’s gained. Which’ll just confirm for him over and over again what he’s already come to fear and dread:

"’That he’s weak.’

“‘That he doesn’t matter.’

"’That he’s simply broken beyond repair.’

"And that sooner or later one of those few ponies that have stuck by him are gonna see just how hopeless trying to fix him really is, and move on with their lives.”

Twilight’s breathing hitched in a startled gasp, but Matthias pressed on, unsure if she had cottoned on to who he was really talking about. Finding himself both unable and unwilling to hold back the tide of near-ecstatic deliverance washing over him as he carried on with his pseudo confessional.

“So he’s going to need somebody like you Twilight! Somebody who treats him like a friend and not something to be pitied. Somebody who’ll waste what little free time she has between being a princess and running a school just to try and help him adjust to a life where it’s okay for him to smile again. Who’ll spend her precious weekends doing nothing but reading with him, talking with him, and scouring the city with him looking for books, pancakes, or some little hole in the wall shop that you know he’s just going to love. So that when you have to go back home, and he’s left all on his own, he’ll have those memories that you two made together to hold him up whenever he starts to forget again, and he starts considering doing something incredibly stupid.”

“M-May?”

“Shit! Sorry, Twi,” he lamented, having gotten too caught up in relieving the fermenting guilt and shame that had been distilling within him for these past few months, if only slightly. Remembering that this was all to help Twilight and not to push his problems on somebody else.

“Now, as to whether or not he feels the same way about you as you do him. You’re going to have to keep in mind that change can be scary for him, considering he’s already lost so much. You’re one of his pillars now Twilight. You’re supporting him through the most trying times in his life, and he’s terrified of doing anything that could hurt you or push you away from him. So I doubt he’d be the one to make the first move should he share the same feelings as you. Hell, as ashamed as he probably is about how… wrong he still feels, even after all you’ve done to try and piece him back together, it wouldn’t surprise me if he feels he isn’t worth your time.”

“H-how could y- he…”

“So considering the high regard in which he holds you, combined with his unstable and often fluctuating sense of self-worth, I see little to no chance of your feelings or affections hurting or pushing him away. Sure, he might be initially shocked at having somepony as… well, as wonderful as you pining for him. And wonder why, with your pick of the stallions, you’d want to go after somepony as... defective as him. But trust me when I say, that if you can somehow convince him that he’s worth it, and can show him that your feelings are genuine, then you will literally make him the happiest stallion alive, and quite possibly fix what’s been broken in him for so long.”

“But… but what if he…?”

“Doesn't feel the same way?” Matthias finished for her, garnering a slow but rigid nod from Twilight.

“It is a possibility,” he warned her gently, causing her to shrink in on herself once again. “However, if he were to turn you down, I doubt it would be because of any perceived flaw you feel you have on your end.”

“Then why wouldn’t he want to… you know?”

Matthias gave her a simple shrug, “Could be he feels he isn’t in a place where he could give you the love and commitment he thinks you deserve. Maybe he’s been so preoccupied balancing whatever it is he does for a living with keeping himself together that he hasn’t put any thought into starting a relationship with somepony and needs time to consider whether or not he’s ready for such a commitment. And then there’s always the possibility that he’s never been in a stable, long-term relationship, and has no idea what he’s supposed to do. Given how oblivious he seems to be to your advances and how a wife or marefriend wasn’t on the list of people you said he’s lost.”

Twilight uncurled herself slightly, though she still kept her arms wrapped snugly around her smaller frame. The warm little hug she was giving herself looking like it was the only thing keeping her from collapsing back on top of her desk. And while it seemed to be working wonders stifling any further shivers trying to rattle her teeth loose. The way her ears fell flat against her mane, and the way her wings had all but sagged to the floor, belied just how much her confidence had begun to wane once again.

“And do you know what all those scenarios have in common?” He asked playfully, hoping to reassure the purple princess as she shook her head slowly.

“They don’t intrinsically exclude the possibility that there may be a time in the future where he is comfortable reciprocating your feelings. Nor do they bank on the fallacious reasoning so many of the romance novels you've given me fall victim to. Seriously, it's like every time a mare tries to court a yak, dragon, or griffon in those stories, it seems like the only reason she refuses to act on her feelings is because she’s working under the, ‘if he doesn't love me then he must hate me,’ dichotomy. When in fact, if one or the other were to admit to the other what they truly felt, then they could both work a good way towards eliminating the sense of cultural isolation and alienation that underpins most interspecies romance narratives.”

Once again Matthias' words seemed to ease Twilight up a bit, having released herself from the hug she’d been holding herself up with about halfway through his explanation. Though she did continue to fiddle about with the sleeve of her purple pajama top, and she still hadn’t been able to bring herself to fully look Matthias in the eye, having to turn her head to the side in an attempt to hide both her blush and her ever widening smile.

“So… realistically speaking, what kind of chances am I looking at here?” she was finally able to ask after several seconds of silence and a few quick run-throughs of the breathing exercise her sister-in-law had taught her.

“If you were to come right out and say it, 5:1 in your favor, if you continue on your current trajectory and keep pussyhoofing around the subject, 5:4, and if you just stay holed up in your room talking to me about it instead of him, no chance in hell.”

“*snort* P-pussyhoofing, seriously?!”

“What can I say? The metaphor was originally made with feet in mind, and there are only so many ways I can adapt human slang into Equestrian before something gets lost in translation,” he explained, only to freeze up when Twilight started shaking violently.

However, his worries were short lived as Twilight all but exploded in a fit of raucous laughter, throwing her head back with such reckless abandon that she damn near fell out of her chair once again. Fortunately, she was able to catch herself before she spilled back onto the floor, though the effort she needed to both keep herself upright and keep belting out her peels of almost bray-like laughter unwittingly put her modest mounds on full display for Matthias as they continued to heave sporadically beneath her top.

But as tantalizing a sight as her now pronounced chest bouncing about without the slightest hint of shame or modesty was, Matthias couldn’t help but be drawn back to Twilight’s flushed and florid face. Watching as streams of hot and happy tears ran rivulets down her cheeks and chin, melting away any remaining tenseness still frosting her muzzle over, the merry visage of his friend having left all her fucks to die in a ditch warming Matthias to his core. Burying whatever conflicting feelings were still stirring within him at having possibly friend-zoned himself in a shallow grave beneath a snug layer of relief and satisfaction at giving this mare he cared to bits for her smile back.

“Hee th- *snort* thanks May. You hee hee you really know just what to say to help pull my head out of my flank.”

“From dating advice to institutional overhauls, I’m your one-stop shop for whenever you need an outsider-looking-in-perspective. But all joking aside, you’ve got this, Twilight. Just be yourself and let him know how you truly feel about him, and hey, even if things don’t turn out as you expect them too. You know I’ve always got a spare shoulder to cry on and a few quarts of salted caramel gelato we can go to town on,” he assured her jovially, reeling back in pure terror when he saw Twilight rush the mirror. Her face seemingly doubling in size as she pressed her plush, purple cheek against the glowing glass, rubbing it in fast, tight circles as if she were trying to push her muzzle through the feed.

It took Matthias a second to work out just what in the actual hell the little madmare was up to, but once the initial shock of her actions had worn off, and he had taken into account how images behave in relation to distance from the mirror. He couldn't help but blush as he realized what Twilight was doing:

She was trying to nuzzle him through the mirror.

It had become his favorite display of affection between him and his friends. Sure it was just a simple rubbing of cheek to cheek or muzzle to neck, but the inherent closeness needed to initiate such an act of intimacy, as well as the feeling of their silken coats and warm breath brushing against his skin was well beyond anything he had ever received or experienced back on Earth. And it never failed to nearly set his face on fire whenever he somehow earned one from the princesses.

Yes, while the effect was somewhat mitigated by the fact that it was his reflection Twilight was nuzzling and not himself. The sentiments behind her actions were in no way diluted by either the distance between them or the medium through which she was trying to communicate her feelings for him.

So with an amused chuckle and a dopey grin spreading across his mug, Matthias moved in to reciprocate the gesture. Pressing the right half of his face against the mirror and closing his eyes, letting the ambient magic flowing off of the glass play across cheek as he tried to reflect Twilight’s motions back onto her.

However, he couldn’t revel in the warm glow radiating from the vanity for too long, seeing as the feed quickly began to take on the same crimson hue from before, followed by a subtle shaking that caused them both to jump away from the glass.

Matthias once again took up the defensive stance that had been drilled into him by both his MANDT training and Starry, ready to literally smack away any more stray bolts of magic that could set his room aflame, before an irritated growl from Twilight caused him to tense up for an entirely different reason altogether.

“Rrrrrrrgh Cunt stunting piece of-!” Twilight snarled out in an annoyed huff as she pressed her horn right onto the glass, channeling the runaway magics directly into her horn before things could get any more out of hand. All but instantly clearing the feed of any excess motion or color. And while Matthias was relieved not to be on fire again, he grew worried when he saw how tightly Twilight had screwed her eyes shut and how hard she was gritting her teeth:

“You alright, Twi? Kinda looks like you pulled something.”

“Y-yeah, I’m… I’m good. Sorry about all that May,” she lamented as she slumped back into her seat, gingerly rubbing at her temples in wide, sweeping circles to try and douse the fires sparking behind her eyes. “I… I didn’t want to risk the structural integrity of the gem or burning away what little mane you’ve still got, and I didn't think I had enough left in me for another dispelling canter.”

“Speaking of which, what iron-hoofed pony was finally able to drum a beat into your skull and which of your friends was generous enough to donate their right hoof to help them do it?”

“Th-That wasn't dancing! It’s a modified meditation ritual Celestia taught me when I was a filly to help me better distribute my magic across my mana centers! And... and... and Luna showed me how, in theory, it could be applied to potentially absorb any projected magic cast in my direction. Then I asked Starlight if she could help me develop and finalize a practical application for the ritual, and she likes having music playing in the background during our weekly spell training regiments.”

“So does this mean I'm gonna have to find somepony to hurl magic your way if I ever hope to get a dance out of you at the Masquerade?”

“T-that depends, are… are you seriously asking me to dance with you?.”

“Of course I am! What kind of sick degenerate gets invited to a soiree and doesn't even offer the girls who brought him a dance?” he answered with barely a trace of doubt or hesitation, shooting her a warm and genuine smile that caused her cheeks to burn slightly, and the mirror to start glowing red once again.

“Ok... why does that keep happening and how is it my fault?”

“Oh for the love of Celestia,” she bemoaned before standing and pressing her horn against the gem on her end. “Bare with me for a second here May. The *grunt* the individual matrices I've woven for the spells that make up the charm’s base enchantments use my connection and feelings towards you as a foundation, and they've been in flux all bucking night.”

“M-meaning what exactly?” Matthias asked cautiously. Unsure where exactly Twilight was going with this.

“*Eep* W-w-well, my *gulp* my feelings towards you have shifted dramatically since I grafted the initial enchantments, and as such, they no longer require as many jewels in order to maintain their effect.” She explained while fidgeting with her sleeve once again, beginning to use her magic to fiddle with whatever was left of the broth that had been boiling in her alembic.

“And… and is that a good thing?”

“A very good thing, they’ve gotten stronger,” she nervously mumbled, the blush on her face nearly matching Matthias' in its intensity.

The silence that settled between the two wasn't really so much awkward as it was necessary. Seeing as the two seemed to have way too much that they wanted to say to one another at the moment but simply lacked the proper means to communicate what it was eating away at them.

“S-so, do you have anything else you want to get off your chest?” Matthias probed after another minute or two of quiet, biting the bullet as it were to try and get Twilight to either confirm or kill the growing suspicions that had been festering within him for the past ten minutes or so.

“C-could we talk about it later? I’ve got some… some things to mull over, and I need to have a talk with a mutual friend of ours to get our houses in order. Plus we still haven’t sussed out what it was that triggered episodes four through seven and how it led to your hand looking like you tried performing a root canal on a timberwolf.”

It can never be a simple yes or no in these stories, Matthias fumed internally. Hoping to get some kind of closure for at least one of the riddles running rampant around the inside of his skull. But he had just gotten Twilight back to baseline, and he wasn't going to pressure her into admitting something based off a hunch and a few degenerate butterflies fluttering about in his stomach.

“*sigh* Well four is easy. After laying on Luna for about ten minutes, I let it slip that I was still spilling spores down my throat.”

Twilight cringed a bit and nodded, remembering a couple heated debates between her and Luna about the risks and benefits to dreamless sleep that had nearly gotten her thrown off the mountain when Luna raised her Royal Canterlot Voice.

“Did she say anything specific that triggered your episode?”

“N-not really. She was just pushing harder than usual to try and get me off the swill and I kinda lost it.”

“How’d you get her to back off?”

“By curling up in the fetal position and shaking like a field of beaten corn.”

“Oh, uh sorry. How bad was it?”

“Like I said, just a minute or two of shaking. Between my first three attacks and the possibility of having to come clean about why it’s so hard for me to sleep at night I… I just got a bit overwhelmed is all.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Heh she felt worse than me afterwards, but it wasn't anything a couple nuzzles and some cuddles couldn't cure.”

“Hee hee You know you're too good to us, right?” Twilight told him between bouts of little warm giggles. Barely able to hold back the small smile forcing its way back onto her muzzle as she remembered how understanding and forgiving her human friend could be when it came to putting up with some of her or Luna’s more eccentric character quirks.

“Hey, as much as you three put up with me, it's the least I can do.”

“We’re your friends May, that means we love each and every part of you. Even the bits that make us worry the nights away and question how far our patience can bend.”

“Love or accept?”

“Yes!” She answered playfully, nearly bursting out laughing again as Matthias turned his darkest shade of red yet, but she managed to keep herself together. Seeing the strained look in his eyes before he turned away in an embarrassed *huff* were all the clues Twilight needed to drop this particular tangent.

"Alright, so Luna freaked out at you for not sleeping naturally and pushed you too hard, which caused you to freak out for fear of divulging something you weren't comfortable sharing with her at the time. Which in turn made her freak out, since she’s so afraid of doing anything that could potentially push you away. Does that just about sum up episode four?”

“Mhmm,” he affirmed with a nod and a small smile, remembering the feel of the downy follicles lining Luna’s cheek caressing his own as they sought to comfort one another after their mutual fuck up. Though Matthias found the thought of Luna being terrified of possibly doing something that could make him not want to be friends with her anymore to be equal parts shocking and understandable given all she’s been through.

“And how much time would you say had passed between that and your previous attack?”

“Had to have been at least two hours.”

“And the time between your fourth and fifth episodes?”

"Forty-five minutes give or take, and you might as well lump numbers five through seven together since as soon I thought I'd settled one; another one would sneak up and pull a Rocky on me,” he drolled dejectedly, once again finding himself barely able to meet Twilight’s lavender gaze.

“Stars above, May!” she exclaimed almost frantically, that kind of time frame and frequency clearly not aligning with whatever theory she’d been patching together. “What could've possibly happened to you in the span of forty-five minutes to unhinge you so badly?”

“...sed me.”

“What was that?”

“She kissed me!”

“May, you're gonna have to speak up so I can-"

“LUNA KISSED ME!”

Twilight jumped a bit from his sudden outburst but settled surprisingly quickly all things considered. “Is that all? But didn't she alre-"

“ON THE LIPS, TWILIGHT!”

“Oh… well, could she have been aiming for your cheek and mi-"

“TWICE!”

Any further attempts at either downplaying or rationalizing their friend’s behavior found themselves lined up against a wall and promptly executed. Seeing as she could find no other way to justify or spin Luna’s actions into something more innocent than it sounded. And as much as she hated herself for making Matthias feel uncomfortable, and for finding his blushing, impassioned stammering absolutely adorable, she knew she needed to keep pressing if she was going to get to the heart of what was disturbing him.

“C-could you give me some more details?”

Matthias was quiet for several seconds; his head hung similarly to how Twilight’s had been while a small shiver ran up and down his larger frame. But before Twilight had a chance to prompt him again, Matthias seemed to find his voice and tried to convey to her what had happened to him:

“I… I had just about passed out again. You know how… how fucking useless I can get after one of my little bitch fits. So Luna lays me down and tucks me in on her lap like I'm a kid who needs his mommy because it’s thundering outside.

“Then she gets it in her head that I'm somehow ‘real’ asleep when I'm laying next to her, so I half-heartedly suggested she come to bed with me and she says yes! Next thing I know I'm hoisting her to her hooves and giving her shit for being able to dish out the parental affection but is unable to take it, and then she plants a big wet one square on my lips!”

“(Go Luna!) And what about the second one?”

“Well after she’d finished having her way with my mouth, she told me to head off to bed and made me promise not to partake in my nightcap. Sure it tastes like I’m pouring dehydrated sweatsocks down my throat and leaves me with a bit of temporal whiplash come morning, but it sure as hell beats waking up in the middle of the night playing in a puddle of my own piss, so I wasn't entirely enthused by the idea. But before I could voice my opinion on the matter, she kisses me again, and… and… thanks me for it! Then she goes all Moon Goddess on me and goes dancing away on a moonbeam before I could say anything!”

“Was it… was it really so awful May?” Twilight asked, the slightest hints of guilt and worry causing her voice to crack.

“N-n-n-n-no, it was… it was *sigh* it was everything I could’ve hoped for,” he admitted with a shy smile and a fierce flush. “Hell, if I weren’t so morally opposed to cliches, hearts would’ve started dancing around my head.”

“Then what's the problem, May?” she said letting out a sigh of relief that did nothing to assuage the guilt still tying knots in her chest.

“I… I can't tell if she's being serious or not!”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that between you constantly taking your clothes off in front of me, Luna’s complete disregard for personal space, and Tia pulling my face into her chest, it’s getting harder and harder for me to tell if you all are teasing me or not!”

“May…”

“Look, I get that it’s fun bringing the human down a peg or two and even I think it’s neat seeing how the colors on my face work now. And… and I know you all mean well by it. And it’s nice knowing there’re at least three mares who don’t find me utterly repulsive and are comfortable enough around me to want to touch me.

“But… but dammit, a lot of what you guys pull on me could be mistaken for some major fucking passes back on Earth. And every time I feel like I’ve finally made peace with the fact that I’m never going to share a bed with somebody again, Celestia nuzzles me in just the right way. Or Luna pulls me in and pecks me on the cheek when I’m freaking out. Or I wake up with you cuddled up in my arms half buried in books, and I start to… hope again.

“And I don’t know if I should act on it or not! You guys are so much more… physical compared to humans when it comes to showing friendly affection, and I don’t want to feel something towards one of you when I know it’s not going to be reciprocated. And yet, a-after everything you’ve all done for me, g-giving me a home, your time, even my stupid fucking dream! I-I just can’t help feeling this way towards you guys!”

“What… what makes you think it’s wrong to have feelings for m- somepony?”

“Because I haven’t earned those feelings from you in return. Because I’ve got nothing to offer you that’s worthwhile. And because what right does an overcooked freak like me have to give or be loved?”

“W-what kind of flankhole told you that nonsense!?” she screamed with an angry flare of her wings, bringing her fists down on her desk hard, but neither noise seemed to have any effect on the downtrodden human.

“...Romulus.”

Twilight’s eyes flashed white at the sound of that infernal name, violet streaks of lighting beginning to arc their way across her body furiously, looking for something, anything, to lash out at as her body began to shake violently. How dare that… that… monster make itself known to Matthias in any way shape or form. Had it not gotten its fill pulling her friend apart and stitching him back together however it liked when he was its prisoner? Now it has the gall to haunt Matthias when he’s finally beginning to break out of his shell.

However, before Twilight could calculate the most efficient means of collapsing 350 acres of the Northern Mountains onto the damned dog’s den and turning the subsequent pile of rubble to glass, she steadied herself. Seeing that Matthias had gone scarily quiet and had somehow shrunk in on himself to the point that Twilight looked positively bulky compared to him, she realized that he needed a friend right now more than Harmonic Retribution:

“He was in the tunnel tonight, wasn’t he?”

Matthias gave her a shaky nod, unable to build a bridge between his mouth and his brain.

“And you fought him?”

Once more he nodded, his right hand beginning to throb painfully as he tried to push back against the guttural laughter echoing in the back of his skull.

“Could you take a step back?”

This request finally caused Matthias to pick his head back up. It’s inherent strangeness and seeming irrelevance to the current flow of the discussion causing him to cock his only eyebrow up at her. But Twilight gave no hint as to her intentions, choosing instead to magic away the various odds and ends she’d piled up on her desk while emptying the now purified solution from her alembic into a vial.

Sure, while in most instances he could piece together what Twilight was on about with just a couple of context clues and a bit of scaffolding from his world’s math and sciences. All he could really suss out from, “step back,” was that the explosion she’d been teasing him with all night was finally on its way. So he pushed away from the desk, the wheels of his souped-up office chair digging into the carpet slightly, making sure to bring any combustible or flammable material with him.

“Thanks, May, I’ll see you in a sec (hopefully),” she promised, the tiniest hints of fear weaving its way into her words as she lit up her horn for the umpteenth time this evening. Though this time around, she seemed far more focused in her efforts. Condensing and molding her magic to the point where the fluted bone sticking out of her mane had turned into a blazing six-inch ethereal spear of pure purple power, the sheer amount of raw jewels she was forcing into her horn seemingly warping the space around her.

However, before Matthias could fully grasp what Twilight was trying to pull off, her image became obscured by a violet opaqueness spreading its way across the enchanted glass in smoky billows mirroring the shades and hues of the light burning atop her head. Wiping away her reflection and leaving nothing but a static pool of seemingly inert arcane energy where his friend had once been. But not for long as the mirror's surface suddenly began to ripple, small waves rolling out from its center as if a stone had been chucked into it, followed by a purple point piercing its way through its liquid-like surface, and the rest of Twilight’s head a couple seconds later.

Matthias could only sit and stare as he watched the Princess of Friendship pull her best Sayako. Pushing and pressing her way through the small 3’x4’ vanity until eventually, one of her purple hands broke through the shimmering surface as well, desperately scrambling to try and find some kind of purchase atop his desk.

Fortunately for Twilight, it didn’t take Matthias long to figure out what it was he was seeing and immediately ran over to try and help her, grabbing her by the hand and bracing his foot against one of his desk drawers. Wanting to pull her out of there before she went the way of Kowalski from the SG-1 premiere.

Unfortunately, Twilight must have been further along than he had initially guessed, so when he gave her a hearty tug to try and get her the rest of the way through, the sudden shift in momentum all but rocketed her out of the mirror, and straight into his diaphragm. His vision going spotted as he made to cushion the fuzzy purple missile as they fell back onto the floor.

“*cough* Ow. You… you alright, Twi?” he asked, slightly winded. Adjusting himself a bit beneath her to keep the little black satchel she had hanging off her hip from digging into his side.

“Y-yeah,” Twilight said with a strained and frustrated grunt, “Sun- uggh, Sunburst and I have been working on retooling Golden Glow’s Gateway to allow for a much broader transmission range. We just… rggh we still haven’t sussed out why we’re losing all our momentum mid journey only for it to then come kick us in the flank once we’re more than halfway through the other side,” she explained, muttering out a quick series of barely audible equations concerning conversion rates as she made herself more comfortable on top of him.

Matthias breathed out a relaxed and relieved sigh. Figuring that if Twilight was well enough to be working out the metaphysics behind why she had nearly eaten shit, then he had no cause for concern.

Though that didn't stop him from wrapping her up in his arms and tucking her head under his chin. Effectively blanketing Twilight in his upper body as he pulled her tightly against him, wanting to be absolutely certain that she was here in his arms and not liberally splattered across the miles of countryside separating Canterlot from Ponyville. Her gentle weight and the bursts of minty breath brushing against his nose melting away at the sudden, though no less intense, fear of having almost lost this mare.

Twilight stiffened some from the unexpected manhandling, but she let out a giddy giggle and a contented sigh when she felt Matthias begin nuzzling the top of her head. Relaxing more and more as she felt his hot breath blow against her horn in longer, more controlled bursts.

But rather than just lay there and let him carry on with pampering her, Twilight chose to scooch herself up his broad frame instead, nuzzling into the crook of his neck while pressing her chest into his, her cheeks turning rosy as she felt his heart rate pick up.

“T-Twilight? What… what are you… why are you-” but whatever he was about to ask died a cold and lonely death on his lips as Twilight snaked her arms around the back of his head and started dragging her fuzzy face further up his cheek. Beginning to run her lips over his ear and bury her snout in his hair once she had fully settled into him:

“Because you’ve earned it,” she told him as she started planting soft kisses atop his head, breathing deeply between each playful peck and giggling each time his rusty red hair brushed against her nostrils.

“Because you give me a new reason to smile each and every time I come to visit you.” She said as she switched over to the right side of his face and began nibbling along the rim of his ear, causing Matthias' breathing to hitch as bolts of pure explosive pleasure shot up and down his body with each errant graze of her teeth.

“And because whenever you hold me close, and I get a chance to touch you, I'm reminded of how much of a strong, caring stallion you are,” she explained before she dipped her face down and latched her lips over his throat. Her tongue lapping away at the worn and scarred skin left by the shackle he had been forced to wear before it glided down a poorly healed crosshatch of cuts and gashes that carved a grisly trail down to his right shoulder. Where she began showering the rows upon rows of rough, jagged tears hidden beneath the loose fabric of his t-shirt with little kisses, swirls of her tongue, and soft loving nibbles.

Somewhere in a distant, less ripped up and on fire corner of Matthias Martin’s mind, a small black and brown Campbell’s Russian Hamster wobbled his way back to his wheel, an ice-pack pressed gingerly against a comically sized lump on his head. The poor dear had clearly seen better days, what with his fur being all matted and stained with coffee (cappuccino because he had a sweet tooth and thought the regular stuff tasted like burnt water) all while looking like he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s rest in over a year.

Still, he was a trooper if nothing else. Having kept Matthias up and running through 357 separate parent-teacher conferences, three different Praxis II exams, and five years of trying to explain to his uncle that grandma really doesn’t remember having that conversation with you five minutes ago so please stop yelling at her goddammit!

However, the tiny ball of manic, Muscovite fury was getting sick and tired of this slamming on the breaks bullshit. Having already been flung headfirst into the wall of the little abstract visual metaphor he called home twice this evening. Swearing under his breath that he was going to take the chew proof water bottle he had full of Grey Goose and break it off in the responsible party’s ass once the Leave Committee approved his personal time.

But until such a time as they could hire a temp to cover his shift, he still had a job to do. So with a bracing *huff* and an extra long swig of his fermented potato water he hefted himself back up into the rusty, lopsided wheel that kept Matthias’ OS spinning and started running. Booting up Martin.EXE and allowing Matthias to register that his best friend and study-buddy was currently grinding herself all over him and lapping him up like he was a bowl of milk.

In the ten seconds it had taken for Matthias to come fully back online, the purple dork had switched from lavishing his shoulder with her tongue and teeth to peppering up and down the side of his neck and chin with flurries of soft kisses and gentle caresses. Alternating between short bursts of downy nuzzles, and long drags and swirls of her tongue. All the while making sure to keep all four foot ten of her pressed against him at all times, using her hands, legs, even her tail to ensure that there wasn't a millimeter of space separating the two.

Meanwhile, Matthias was trying his best not to pass out on the spot, barely able to process what was happening to him under the constant bombardment of Twilight’s tender, loving assault. Partly because he just couldn’t wrap his head around whatever it was he had done to earn this kind of attention from Twilight of all ponies. And because each time he felt like he’d acclimated to whatever affection Twilight was lavishing him with, she’d change tactics or start focusing her efforts somewhere she hadn’t been teasing. Giving his circulatory system no rest or reprieve as it shifted his blood flow from one head to the other each time she’d switch it up.

Fortunately, before Matthias could commit to which of those heads he was willing to let burst in front of Twilight, she finally showed him mercy, but only after she had given him a few more loving nuzzles and two more long licks up and down both of his cheeks.

Picking herself off of him and straddling his chest, she peered down at him with a face so heated and flushed that it looked as if she’d had a bottle of cabernet broken over her head. The light burning behind her striking violet eyes still shining brightly in spite of the all-consuming black spreading out from her dilating pupils. Like the flames of a violet sun bending around the well of a moon crossing its path.

And Matthias couldn’t help but fall into them, the scorching heat staining his face and the near painful hardness threatening to rip right through his boxers and sweatpants temporarily forgotten as he stared up at the flushing, panting mare sitting on top of him.

“*pant* *pant* F-feeling *pant* better, May?” she asked between short, shallow breaths, her tail swishing happily between his legs while her wings began to flex and quiver excitedly.

And as crazy as it sounded, he did feel a hell of a lot better.

As Matthias felt his heart rate finally start to settle and the fire burning beneath his face die down to a smolder, he couldn't help but notice how much more relaxed he now felt. How any lingering feelings of dread and self-loathing had seemingly been flash-fried in the wake of Twilight's little display of affection. Even the soft pressure from her plump thighs squeezing around his ribs and her hands pressing down on his chest acted almost like a thunder vest to further squash his remaining anxiety.

And yes, while somewhere deep within the Danielewski-esque labyrinth hidden inside his skull, Matthias could still hear the faint echoes of his left brain’s hollow, derisive voice screaming at him not to hope for something beyond his reach. While the fleeting whispers of his right brain’s more excitable and shrill ones couldn't help but question if what Twilight had just done to him could be considered friendly, even by pony standards. They were becoming more and more muted against the subtle symphony of burning blood surging between his ears, and his thundering heartbeat slowly rolling off into the distance. It's cadence dropping lower and lower as his breathing slowed to match that of the giggling mare currently sitting on top of him, beaming him a warm, expectant smile.

A smile he couldn’t help but return as he reached a hand up to cup her cheek, his thumb parting the plush fur in gentle strokes that Twilight simply melted into.

“Mhmm,” he affirmed softly and with a faint nod, still unable to fully find his voice as he pulled his friend back down on top of him, wrapping his other arm around her in a warm embrace.

“Good,” she said as she shimmied her way back down onto him, tucking her head back below his chin before rubbing the tip of her muzzle along the crook of his neck in long slow circles.

But rather than riling up Matthias or causing his face to flush further, the motions seemed to unwind and soothe him even more, the heat flaring up beneath his face diffusing with each lazy turn of Twilight’s muzzle. Allowing him the time he needed to collect and compose himself as they continued to bask in the shared warmth their interwoven bodies offered. His hands beginning to trail gently through her mane and across her back.

“Hey… Twi?”

“Yeah?”

“T-thanks.”

“For what?”

“For tearing a hole in space-time just to remind my dumb ass that I've got friends.”

“Hee hee well, you know what the say? Friendship is ma-”

“Don’t ruin the moment dammit,” he pleaded tiredly, clamping his hand over her muzzle. Only for him to jerk it away when he felt her velvety tongue slip out from between her lips and wet his palm.

“Hee hee alright, but I just want you to promise me that if you're ever feeling low again and need somepony to talk to, don't be afraid to call me. After all, I am good for more than just espousing magical theory,” she assured playfully, lifting her head back up to flick her tongue across his lips before rubbing her nose against his.

And while normally Matthias would be doing his best impersonation of a stoplight by this point. He couldn't help but remember the desolate look Twilight had given him earlier while recounting how starved she was for a little affection from the stallion she was pursuing.

So, after considering all that she had just lavished him with, Matthias figured he’d been given the green light to be a bit more physical with his platonic displays of affection towards her. Startling Twilight to no end when instead of blushing or squirming beneath her, he planted a kiss on the tip of her muzzle and then blushed something so fierce it looked like he’d face planted into the side of a freshly painted barn. A barely audible “okay” escaping his lips before turning his head away in shame.

After several seconds of unsettling quiet that made Matthias question if he had upset her, he heard Twilight make a sound she usually only reserved for the times she could convince him to hit the town with her or when he showed her a new app on his phone:

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

But it wasn’t the, “over the top, no fuck’s given, I’m so excited I can’t even deal with this bucking shit right now!" kind of squee he was used to hearing from the purple princess. Instead, it was throttled, as if it were too big to escape out her mouth all at once. Her inability to fully release the joyful noise causing her body to rattle about like fall’s last leaf clinging desperately to its branch.

“M-More, please?!”

And if the saccharine sound of Twilight barely able to contain herself hadn’t thoroughly burnt through the little bit of insulin Matthias had left. Those two words, combined with the gigantic, pleading, purple puppy dog eyes she shot him as she began pawing at his chest all but gave him type-2 diabetes.

Finding his confidence somehow bolstered by her nervous fidgeting, Matthias gave her a small smile before placing another quick kiss on her muzzle, her subsequent *eep* devolving into a breathy moan when she felt the hand combing through her mane begin gently massaging along the base of her scalp and ears.

With her head held firmly in place, Matthias started peppering her face with a flurry of soft, feather-light kisses. Tickling the bridge of her muzzle with brief brushes of his lips till he reached her forehead, planting an extra long peck where her violet coat peeked through her indigo and magenta bangs. Smiling as he felt her nuzzle into his lips to try and possibly milk more out of him before he moved on.

Twilight let out a despondent whine when she felt Matthias pull his lips away from her, only for her breath to hitch and turn somewhat ragged when he brought them back to her cheek. Though this time around, he took a cue from how she had pampered him earlier by adding a swirl of his tongue to the kiss, matting a small circle in the thin coat covering her face before smoothing it out with a nuzzle, causing the mare snuggling on top of him to grunt and pant uncontrollably.

But since Twilight had given him no quarter when she was settling him back down, Matthias wasn’t going to show her any mercy either. Repeating the process of kissing, swirling, and nuzzling across the rest of her cheek before switching over to the right half of her face, but not without licking her across her lips as she’d done to him.

Though he nearly gave himself a stroke from the sheer amount of nerve he had to work up in order to pull it off. And the honest to Cthulhu whinny of joy Twilight made once her shock had worn off, and the warm, teary-eyed smile she gave him before rubbing her cheek into his lips didn’t help either.

Because as often as the princesses would glomp, snuggle, or nibble on him whenever they were excited, happy, or just in the mood; rare was the day where Matthias would initiate the casual contact. Always afraid his affections could be misinterpreted as an advance, and possibly disgust one of the few friends he still had with the thought that their hairless burn victim of a pet had feelings for them. So he tended to fall back on the one kernel of wisdom that seemed to remain consistent across his haphazard love life whenever he needed to feel another’s touch:

Let the girl, or in this case, mare, make the first move.

Which was why in spite of how much Matthias was reveling in the feel of her velvety coat and silken skin playing against his lips and tongue, he kept his ministrations zeroed in and around her neck and face. Mirroring the spots and techniques Twilight had used and focused on rather than explore or experiment, lest Twilight misinterpret this impromptu cuddle puddle as anything more than platonic.

Or at least, that was the plan, until Twilight pulled the collar of his shirt down and buried her muzzle back into his chest. Tickling Matthias with her tongue and teeth as she started suckling on his skin and joining in on the fun again, causing him to chuckle lightly both out of reflex and amusement. Patting the mare on the head and combing through her mane lightly to encourage her.

Though he was a bit disappointed he couldn't keep caressing her cheek, their current positioning making it difficult for him to reciprocate her in any way to match the ardor she was currently showering him with. But before he could mope about it for too long, something big, purple, and floppy bopped Matthias across his nose, causing his face to scrunch involuntarily.

The culprit? One of Twilight’s big fluffy, ears twitching excitedly in front of him.

And he got an idea. An awful idea. Matthias Martin got a wonderful, terrible, awful idea. An idea so wonderful, terrible, and awful that there was no stopping the deep dark chuckles that were bubbling up in his chest from slipping between his lips. Causing Twilight to grow concerned:

“M-May, what’s… what’s wrong? Did I-aaaahhhhh!”

That concern of hers devolving into a drawn-out moan of pleasure when Matthias slipped the tip of her ear into his mouth and gently grasped it in his teeth, nibbling on it so softly and gingerly that it was more of an embrace than a bite. The soft grinding of his teeth across her satin skin racking Twilight’s body in bouts of pure, white-hot pleasure that shot straight into her brain as she continued to shake on top of him.

Wanting to give him more room to work, Twilight tilted her head down, taking in long, deep breaths full of Matthias' scent before beginning to lap at his chest once again. His subsequent blush from the sudden intimacy relatively tame by comparison though he nearly turned as purple as she was when he felt Twilight not only slide her soft palm up and under his shirt but use her magic to lift the back of her shirt up as well. Giving him all the go-ahead he needed to run his hand up and down her bare back.

For the next several minutes the pair just lay there, sinking slowly into the cloud-soft carpet as they continued to caress each other with their lips and cheeks, utterly oblivious to the rather large and comfortable looking bed not two feet away from them, as caught up in the other as they were. They were neither forceful in their explorations, nor was there any urgency behind their movements. Just a mutual and straightforward declaration of the care and affection that they shared for one another. With Twilight spending most of her time on his chest and neck, while Matthias continued to focus his efforts on her lower back and ear. Trailing nips and licks along its edge before he’d bury his nose in her mane and nuzzle her, giving them both a chance to cool off and catch their breath before starting up again.

Noticing how with each of those languid breaths, his nostrils would be flooded in the scent of the lavender body wash Twilight had used while in the shower mixed with the spicy sweat she had worked up from her little dance. And though it was more subdued than the others, he could still pick up the lingering aromas of drying ink and musty parchment that always seemed to cling to Twilight.

A fragrance Matthias had come to associate with the purple nerd over the many months they’d worked together. One he had begun to feel safer and safer around as the days and weeks continued to roll on by, and found himself missing more and more whenever her duties as both a princess and headmistress kept her in Ponyville.

And no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that all this licking, kissing, and cuddling was merely how ponies expressed affection for their closest friends. And that there was probably only a one and a billion chance of Luna or Twilight seeing him as anything more than just a friend and/or novelty.

With each drag of Twilight's tongue and cheek across his chest, and with every subtle shift of her soft breasts as she molded herself on top of him. Matthias couldn't help but be swept away in the upswell of all the lost hopes and feelings he feared he’d never know again:

Assurance...

Acceptance...

...Love

Hell, just entertaining the idea that the mare on top of him might really have feelings for him, and that he could return and reciprocate those feelings without fear of retaliation, was enough to set his heart ablaze. Its incandescent beats drawing in droves of those damnable butterflies to his chest, the collective flurry of their fiery wings promptly searing him to the bone.

Oh sure, the fact that Twilight was after a stallion, and that these budding feelings of his were mostly his own wishful thinking, went a long way towards keeping either of his heads from getting too big. But dammit if the little fires she'd been setting with her kind words and soft touches weren't lighting him up from the inside out.

And when you combined all that with the tender heat still clinging to Twilight's coat from both her shower and her deepening blush, it left Matthias feeling rather warm and toasty lying beneath her. Like he’d been wrapped up in the snuggliest, most adorkable little electric blanket ever made. One he swore kept getting warmer and warmer the more he pet and loved on her, causing him to idly wonder how much more she could take before her coat caught fire as he chuckled to himself lightly.

And that was when a stray spark of her magic hit him upside the nose.

Matthias' eyes snapped open at the strange, fizzing sensation now pouring across his skin and the subtle smell of smoke beginning to fill the air. Panicking slightly at the thought of his idle musings suddenly becoming a reality, but he relaxed when he saw that Twilight had simply begun enveloping them both in her magic’s magenta glow.

It had just become another one of the little rituals and routines they had fallen into over the many months they’d been working and hanging out together. Whenever Twilight would come to visit him, whether it was to teach his and Luna’s biweekly Life in Modern Equestria seminar or just to pal around with him on the weekend. The first thing she would do after hugging and nuzzling the ever-loving shit out of him was try and touch him with her magic.

He wasn't exactly sure why she kept at it though. Sure, once upon a time she claimed it was to help her get a better understanding of his metaphysical makeup and study the behavior of mana when it came into contact with matter exotic to this reality. But after the seventh or so attempt deflected off of him and nearly broke her muzzle, she must have taken it personally. As ever since then there wouldn't be a lesson, play date, or research session that wouldn't start off with her pouring every bit of power she had into him.

Granted she'd come a long way from her first few attempts; now she was at least able to keep her magic from dissipating when it touched his skin, but not once had she ever been able to get a spell to stick to him.

Something Matthias was secretly grateful for at first, not having fully grasped the concept of ‘magic’ as the ponies defined it at the time, and having seen her do things with her horn that demonstrated handily how the laws of physics were her bitch. However, as the weeks and months went on by, and her determination and frustration mounted, he found himself cheering Twilight on more and more. Finding her stubborn tenacity and drive absolutely endearing, and the pitiful state she’d be reduced to each time she failed heartbreaking to no end.

So Matthias made ready to move out from beneath her, believing she’d want to sit in his lap and have him hold her hands like he always did whenever she performed one of her little magical check-ups. But as soon as he tried to shift out from under her, he felt Twilight tighten her grip on him, her tail and wings wrapping around him while she balled her fists into his shirt, forcing him to stay in place:

“N-no, please, don't… don't move! I *grunt* I'm almost there, I just… just don't let me go, okay?! We’ve *rgggh* we've never been this close before, and… and I never want to be so far from you again! So… so just for tonight, could *gulp* could you hold me like I was Luna, please?!” she pleaded, looking up at him with a strained, teary-eyed smile.

A smile which left Matthias at a complete loss for words. Of course, that didn't stop an entire regiment’s worth of red flags from being raised, “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” emblazoned in big, bold letters that fluttered on the winds whipped up from the thousands of new questions swirling around inside his head. Chief among them, “What does she mean ‘hold me like I was Luna?’” and “how can she think we’re not close?”

Sure, when it came to all the hugging and the kissing and the nibbling he’d come to expect from the princesses, Twilight was a lot more reserved compared to Luna or Celestia. And she also tended to be a bit more… professional with him, even when it was just the two of them in his room reading or talking together.

But could he really blame her? After all, he was only one sunburn away from looking like Gregor Clegane and had all the mental stability of Jessie Spano on caffeine pills, so he understood why she’d want to keep him at arm's length. Which was why he’d been so caught off guard by all the faux-dirty talk and borderline foreplay they’d been engaging in for the last half hour or so.

So… so by closer, does she mean that she wants me to what? Drop a couple of the formalities and open up to her more? Hug her first and maybe not hesitate as much on the return nuzzle?

Prospects Matthias would normally be all for, given how cute he found Twilight, both inside and out. Plus, he was always looking for fresh new ways he could make her smile, but it was how she had phrased that desire for greater intimacy with him which was causing Matthias to pause:

Hold me like I was Luna

She wasn’t just asking him to trust her more, nor was she asking him not to be so touch-shy with her. No, this was Twilight asking Matthias to treat her like he treated Luna.

Which, while on paper, didn’t seem like too strange a request. Twilight seeing the dynamic he had with Luna and wanting her relationship with him to be more like that.

But he had nearly broken his hand trying to figure out what exactly his relationship with the Princess of the Night was now, and there was a particular charge to Twilight’s plea that once again evoked how Luna pleaded with him to forswear his draught and let her join him in his bed.

Seriously Twilight, are you after a stallion or not?

Now, he didn't want to think of himself as a narcissist, that every hug or nuzzle a mare or stallion gave him was them making a pass at him. But what else was he supposed to think after ten minutes of heavy petting and cuddling brought about by pouring his heart out to Twilight about his fears concerning the implications of Luna kissing him? It also didn't help that said petting and cuddling had left him harder than Give Me God of War mode, so he found it almost impossible to keep certain kinds of questions from popping up inside his head:

Is she really interested in me or am I a fallback if the stallion doesn't go for her?

Is she making a move on me because she doesn't think Luna’s interested or does she not care?

How can I possibly give Twilight what she wants without hurting Lu-

“...Please?!”

Fortunately, before that train of thought could pick up too much momentum, it got derailed by Twilight's labored beseeching.

Looking down at his friend, Matthias saw that her smile had begun to falter. Whether it was from the strain of maintaining her current mana output, or the silence that had fallen between them, he wasn’t quite sure. But when he saw the tears that had been pooling in her eyes begin to run down her cheeks, he was definitely sure of one thing:

He had to nut up and fix this.

Scooping Twilight up in his arms, he pulled her further up onto him so that their faces were mere millimeters apart. Their hot breaths mingling momentarily before he started nuzzling up and down her cheeks, wiping away the trails of tears falling from her eyes and replacing them with trails of little kisses that led down to the corners of her mouth. Causing Twilight to giggle and coo adorably with each pass of his lips across her muzzle, until she felt Matthias cup her cheeks and guide her face up so that she was looking him right in the eye. The feel of his thumbs gently massaging below her eyes almost enough for her to lose her hold on her magic.

“Y-you know, it *gulp* it doesn’t just have to be for tonight, right?” he managed to choke out, causing Twilight to blink in confusion before she realized what it was he was saying, her smile and blush returning in full as she started nuzzling into his hand:

“Thank you, May,” she sighed happily, planting a few wet kisses into his palm before laying herself back on him, rubbing her cheek into his before refocusing her efforts back on her magic.

Once again Matthias could feel Twilight’s power pouring over him, like he was being submerged in a tub full of hot, carbonated water. Laughing airily as he felt streams of her aura dip under his shirt and break against his skin, only for each shattered wave to be immediately replaced by another surge of her magic, but he kept his chuckles and movements to a minimum. Not wanting to break Twilight's concentration, seeing as her contented smile had already been replaced by a pained grimace as she desperately tried to push her magic into him.

Of course, that didn't mean he was going to forget his promise to be more affectionate with her either as he slid a hand beneath her shirt. Once again beginning to trace his nails across her back while the other moved up to scratch along the back of her scalp and ears, occasionally massaging and fiddling with the one he couldn't kiss or nibble on. All while taking care so as not to accidentally brush against her horn or wings, lest he really distract her.

And between each loving nuzzle and nibble Matthias would whisper little words of encouragement to her. Assuring Twilight whenever he’d hear her start to whimper, praising her each time she’d push through the pain. And holding her that much tighter whenever he felt her begin to shake from both the strain of her efforts and the pleasure from his ministrations. Her shaky breath tickling the rim of his unmelted ear.

-zzz-ease... -zzzzz-rk!

And then he heard somebody new start talking in his head:

Ple-zzzzz... zzzzz nev-zzzz -zzen so op-zzzzzz me, you even ki-zzzzz me! So, why zzzzzz wor-zzzz?

The voice reminded Matthias vaguely of Twilight’s, vaguely because it sounded like she was trying to talk to him through a radio that was going through a tunnel. But surely it couldn’t have been hers. After all, the mare in question had her muzzle all but shoved into his ear, and all he could hear passing through her lips was her labored breathing.

Cozzzz zn! Work for zzzzzz’s zzzzake!

But at the same time, it wasn’t like the usual cavalcade of lost loved ones and bad dreams that started storming the gates whenever his emotions ran too high. As the words he could make out seemed to be more pleading than taunting, and they had that subtle sprinkling of Sparkle salt that no amount of anxiety or mania could ever hope to replicate.

Co-zzzzzzzzzzzz-me on. I can zzzzzz, I have to zzzzzzz!

And with each burst of static blaring inside his skull, spikes of pure desperation and longing would stab straight into his brain. Tearing meaty gashes into the thin membrane of calm and composure he’d managed to scrape back together, giving his mounting panic and confusion plenty of holes to bleed out of.

Why zzzzzzzzzzz-el you May? Why can’t I ma-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz letting me in, you’re not afraid to touch zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz being so brave for me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-ucking ovaries zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz how I feel?

And then the Twilight on top of him started planting nuzzles and kisses along his ear and neck again, her arms worming their way around his back and pulling him into a fierce hug, the desperation and longing saturating him burning away in a molten flood of pure joy and compassion, and… and...

And Matthias finally got it; Twilight had done it! She had connected to him! These were her thoughts he was hearing, her feelings he was feeling. But it seemed to be a one-way street, as her garbled words and continued affections indicated she hadn't cottoned on to how disorienting or how uncomfortable the whole ordeal was making him.

You're zzzzzzzzzzzzing! You're the kind- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzring stallion I've ever zzzzzzzzzzzz flying buck about zzzzzzzzzzz -cess and aren’t zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz much of a spaz I can be. You just zzzzzzzz… me! And you help me zzzzzzzzzzzzz And zzzzzzzzzzzzzzserve somepony who’ll zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz feel every second of every day. So please, ju- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you can hear me!

And yet somehow, someway, amidst the flood of foreign feelings accelerating his growing unease and terror, Matthias was still able to process and contextualize Twilight’s mangled words:

Twilight was desperate for this to work.

And that whatever feelings were pushing her to nearly fracture her horn went well beyond scientific inquiry.

Putting his gentle petting and caressing on hold, Matthias started hugging her back just as fiercely as she'd been holding onto him. The sudden intensity of the pressure now enveloping her causing Twilight to pause in her efforts.

And in that moment of clarity, where Matthias could only recognize his own feelings whirling around inside his head, he focused his thoughts on the silvery sparks of anticipation he’d feel whenever he knew Twilight was coming to see him. The welcoming warmth from every little hug and nuzzle she’d ever given him. The airy excitement that would burn within him when she proposed a joint project for them to work on together. The fireworks of sheer pride and joy that would explode in his chest whenever their experiments or discussions bore fruit. And the simple calming stillness that fell upon him when he was in the presence of one who was not just his friend, but one who was cut from the same manic cloth as he was.

Refining and crystallizing this upswell of feelings that Twilight evoked in him around one simple word:

Yes

And Twilight screamed.

Twilight screamed a long, horrible, throat-tearing shriek that bore straight into Matthias' soul, and right into his ear. Fire and agony scorched every nerve down from the soles of his feet all the way up to his scalp as her magic lashed out uncontrollably and struck him across the eyes. The pain only mitigating when Twilight desperately flung herself off of him, though it was a short-lived reprieve, as she landed on his mangled right hand in her escape.

Forcing an agonized shout out of Matthias as he lost what little bearings he’d found amidst the searing echoes still burning throughout his nervous system and her near deafening scream still ringing in his ears.

But as the dull throbbing blooming in his hand finally began to die down, and the dots and squiggles blinding him finally started to settle. Matthias was greeted with a sight that wounded him far deeper than anything his coping or a botched spell could ever hope to come close to.

That being Twilight clutching frantically at her horn as she curled herself up in a ball next to him. Pathetically shaking as pained tears poured from her eyes as she whimpered uncontrollably on the ground. Instantly quenching whatever confusion and fury he felt from having his emotions wrenched from him as he scooched over to try and help her.

“Twi, talk to me, what happened?!” he asked her as he scooped her up and sat her on his lap, rocking her back and forth gently.

“Em… empathetic f-f-f-feedback. Don't *grunt* don't worry; it'll pass in a sec.” she managed to choke out through gritted teeth, offering him a strained smile as she rubbed her cheek into his chest.

“Anything I can do to help?” he offered, relieved that it wasn’t his attempt at answering her that had brought her to this state, but at the same time, he was disappointed that she hadn’t been able to feel him like he had felt her.

“Just… just hold onto me, okay?”

Matthias nodded, planting a couple more kisses on her forehead before trailing them up to her crown, hoping to offer her some modicum of comfort as her breathing became less labored and more controlled. Though she still felt a bit too warm for his liking and he wondered if he should maybe take her out onto the balcony for a spell so she could cool off.

Fortunately, he wouldn’t have to go too far to help her with that. As from his now upright position he could see that his impromptu ice-pack had landed within arm’s length of him after Twilight’s dynamic entry; promptly picking it up so he could start dabbing it across her forehead. Causing Twilight to shiver and sigh happily as layers upon layers of pain and tension seemed to be wiped away with each soft stroke of the chilled cloth.

“Hmmmmmm Thanks May, that feels wonderful,” she sleepily whispered as she wrapped a wing around Matthias' back and pulled them closer to each other.

“Can’t have my favorite egghead cracking on me here now can I?” he joked softly before picking up her hand and planting a quick kiss between each of her fingers. Blushing warmly when he felt those fingers wrap around his in return.

“Hehe, You really are too good to me.”

“If that were the case, you wouldn't have had to nearly blow your horn off trying to make me realize how much me holding back was hurting you,” he sighed dejectedly, only to perk back up when he felt a purple palm cup his cheek.

“Don’t be like that, May. As equine as you appear and act, I constantly need to remind myself that you are your own unique entity who has views and feelings towards friendship and intimacy that can vary greatly from our own.” She assured him with a soft kiss and a nuzzle on his cheek.

“I mean, it’s no wonder Luna’s got you so shaken up when you haven't the grounding to tell when a mare’s being friendly with you or flirting with you. *sigh* And here I was freaking out because I was equating our lack of physical contact as you seeing me as less of a friend than Luna or Celestia,” she confessed, suddenly turning downcast. But as much as Matthias would've liked some answers concerning Luna’s antics, he had worked too hard tonight getting Twilight’s smile back to let her start beating herself up again.

“Hey, I'm just as guilty of it too," he assured her with a tussle of her mane, "I can't just assume that every mare who cuddles me is telling me to come hither. Nor should I expect ponies to react the same way to acts of friendly affection as humans would. I was just… scared, you know? I’ve… I’ve lost a lot of friends who thought I was coming onto them and viceversa, and I didn’t want to risk the same happening to you or the others.”

“Because we’re your pillars right?” she said shooting him a knowing, yet gentle smile before pulling him into another hug, her arms wrapping around his neck as she began nuzzling under his chin.

“Heh was I that obvious?” he downplayed sheepishly, causing Twilight to chuckle.

“You may be many things May: kind, smart, a righteous pain in the flank, but subtle is not one of them,” Twilight teased, shivering when she felt his tongue trail up her cheek.

“Yeah, well I'm sorry I put you through that, and I promise to start showing you a little more love from now on,” he swore as he began drying her cheek with his, turning Twilight into a giddy puddle of pony as she felt his hand comb through her mane.

But her delight petered out quickly upon spying the state of the hand he was using to caress her. The sight of the inflammation painting the skin across his knuckles and the torn scabbing from where she had landed on him causing her to wince as bundles of mirror neurons began exploding throughout her right hand.

Almost by instinct, mana began coalescing in her horn, forming around the matrix of a basic first-aid and pain dampening spell. But as was the case with most of her magic, as soon as she tried projecting it onto Matthias, it unraveled like a roll of wet toilet paper, the rebound of the failed spell flicking her across her nose.

“Ow, dammit!”

“You know, one of the definitions of insanity back on Earth is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.”

Twilight shot him a challenging glare before wiggling out of his arms and sitting herself up on the floor in front of him. Gingerly grasping his mangled hand in hers, the fire behind her eyes dying down to cinders as she once again took in the damage his anxieties had wreaked upon him.

“Like I said Twi, it’s okay, it looks a lot worse than it fe-AHHAHH!?”

Whatever assurances Matthias was trying to give to Twilight were cut off when the mare began pampering the split running along his fingers with her lips and muzzle. Planting kiss after kiss between and across each of his knuckles before dragging her tongue back along the gash. Repeating the process several times over until the site of the injury shone with a warm sheen that sparkled in the flickering candlelight.

And all the while, Twilight made sure to keep her eyes trained on his. Her gaze never wavering with each pass of her tongue, care and regret flaring up with each wince and gasp that she tore out of him.

Yet in spite of the spikes of dull pain shooting through his hand with each flick of her tongue, Matthias found the stinging heat diffusing into balmy chill utterly soothing and calming. Like his mother kissing his skinned knees and elbows every time he fell while she was teaching him to ride a bike on his own.

“Even so, as your teacher, I should have better prepared you for this eventuality,” Twilight told him between licks and kisses, hints of guilt still marring her muzzle. “I should have given you more to go on other than just what not to touch on a pony.”

Raising his hand up into the light, she gave the wound one last once-over and kiss before reaching down into her bag, pulling out the vial of brew she’d been boiling on her end of the mirror and a roll of silver cloth bandage. Using her magic to meet out the fabric, she tore off enough to fashion a proper wrap for his hand, making sure to evenly douse the length of cloth with the medicine she had made before tying it around his hand. Ensuring that it was not only tight enough to not come undone but loose enough to give his hand room to breathe and flex comfortably.

“How does that feel?”

“Like a second skin, thanks,” he told her, wiggling his fingers in front of her, marveling at how he could barely feel either the bandage or the pain. “What was in that stuff?”

“Hee hee just a little White Convulsana, no better naturally-occurring anti-inflammatory out there.”

“And pony spit. Lots and lots of purple pony spit,” Matthias teased while beginning to scratch behind her ear, causing Twilight to simultaneously puff up and deflate before leaning into his hand.

“You wouldn’t have needed it if Luna had stuck to the bucking schedule!”

“What was that?”

“I said Luna was right! Your interactions with the base magics of the realm have become less discordant, so she might actually be able to enter your dreams tonight. Though given how much time you two spend together, I shouldn’t be surprised.” Twilight blurted out quickly, going from excitable to forlorn in a near instant as she brought a hand up to her horn and began running her fingers along the fluted spire.

“But why now? What’s changed so that yours and Luna’s magic can now touch me?” he asked, hoping a dip in some academia would brighten her back up.

“I can’t know for certain without running the specific tests. I mean, it could be something as simple as a subtle shift in your chromosomal alignment, or as abstract as your quamanun signature better ma… Wait!? What do you mean ‘yours?!’”

“Heh You really couldn’t hear me, could you?”

“H-hear what?”

“Me trying to tell you ‘yes,’ when you ‘asked’ if I could hear you,” he explained, throwing up some air quotes around asked.

“Wait wait wait wait wait. You… you felt me?! You heard me?!”

“Would be kinda hard for me to admit to not having the ovaries to do something… Actually, it would be kinda easy considering -ACK!

Matthias' teasing tangent was promptly interrupted when he felt Twilight smush his cheeks together, effectively shutting him up and holding his head in place as she began scrutinizing his face. Looking for any hint that he may be funning her or that he was just yanking her chain.

“What… what did you hear?” she cautiously asked, the realization that she had succeeded slowly crashing into her.

“It was a bit of a jumbled mess, but I could hear stuff about me kissing you, how you needed the spell to work, *cough* a bunch of really nice things about me, and then you asked me to let you know if I could hear you.”

“An… anything else?”

“Yeah, it was like... it was like every time the words would pour into me, the feelings behind them would pour in as well.”

“And what did you feel?”

“Frustration, want, and… and something a lot more intense,” he confessed with a blush, unwilling to put a name to that particular feeling, as he was unsure where Twilight’s sentiments ended, and his began. “And then when that feedback thing hit you, it felt like somebody was fracking my bones with molten lead.”

The blush and wonder that had been creeping across Twilight’s muzzle suddenly paled as she realized what it was he was describing. “No... no no no no, an empathy link is a two-way street! It literally allows ponies to experience what the other is feeling, so I should have been able to connect with you too! But, the sensations and sentiments you described are most certainly what was going through my head at the time, and the likelihood of our individual thoughts and feelings aligning to such a degree naturally would be as statistically improbable as the stars falling into their scheduled formations every night for a week without Luna’s guidance! So why’d the loop happen? Empathic feedback should only occur when one, or more ponies in the link is either emotionally distressed or being for-”

Some kind of black realization must have smacked Twilight across the muzzle hard as her diatribe came to a screeching halt. Her head dropping into her hand as she slowly shook her head back and forth, a few wry chuckles slipping from her lips, “Heh, so… so not only did I botch the spell completely, but I was so caught up in making it work that I couldn’t even see that I was hurting you again.”

Wait, again? Matthias thought, the sudden shift from metaphysical inquiry to perceived offense nearly throwing the hamster off his wheel for a fourth time as he tried desperately to piece together the when and the how of this other supposed injury:

Not asking me how my day was?

Making me talk about my freakouts?

The mirror almost blowing up?

The mirror almost blowing up again?

Not telling me abo-

“And once again, instead of asking you if you’re hurt or alright, I’m more concerned about why the link didn’t fully establish as per bucking usual! Seriously, some Princess of Friendship I am, right?” Twilight snarked with a bleak chuckle, pulling Matthias out of his head and bringing him back to the here and now.

And in the here and now, Twilight had once again begun working herself into a tizzy.

Fortunately, she wasn’t at the full-blown hyperventilating phase just yet, and he could neither confirm nor deny that the little shivers he saw shooting up and down her body were from the open patio door or not. But in a way, that could be just as scary, if not more. Because as frantic as the mare could get when overworked or overwhelmed, she could fall just as hard and far if her best-laid plans went astray, or if she believed she’d fucked up something beyond salvaging. Often times reducing her to a tiny purple ball of despondent self-loathing that no amount of encouragement or pep from her friends could uncurl or pull out from under the covers.

Of course, he couldn’t really fault Twilight for feeling so distraught. After all, this particular fuck up played into a deep-seeded hang-up of hers that seemed to have been haunting her since the early days of their friendship, and not something erroneous like the topic for the third Wednesday of next month’s study session.

But really, in the grand scheme of things, the only lasting injury he’d accrued from her tonight was when she rolled onto his hand, and even then the treatment she’d given him afterward had left him feeling calmer and more collected than he’d been all evening.

More importantly, however, and what Twilight failed to realize in her current state of self-pity, was that she’d finally done it. She had successfully managed to get a spell to stick to him. Through her antics and affections, Twilight had bridged a gap he hadn’t even known existed between them, and he’d be damned if he was just going to let her run back across that gap and burn the bridge down because she thought she’d hurt him.

So with that simple goal in mind, Matthias slowly pushed himself back onto his feet and began tiptoeing his way over to her. Making sure not to come at her too suddenly lest he startle her in the wrong way. But lucky for him, Twilight was too preoccupied with her wallowing to notice his approach. Only stirring when she felt the lights dim from his massive shadow falling over her.

“M-May? What… what are doing?” Twilight asked somewhat tremulously as all five foot six of Matthias bore down on her. His face, which was barely readable by pony standards as it was, bearing all the expressiveness of a worn away granite shelf ready to collapse onto her.

Though not even the most socially inept little horse man could mistake the impish smirk cracking at the corner of his lips as he lunged at her, one arm hooking under her legs while the other swung around her back just below where her wings slid through her pajama top. Once secured in his arms, Matthias promptly plucked Twilight up off the floor and hoisted her up bridal style, the sudden shift in her center of gravity pulling a surprised squeak out of the Princess of Friendship as she wrapped her arms around his neck for support.

"Pulling your head out of your ass again,” he said matter of factly before he started tickling the ever loving fuck out of her.

Peels of high pitched laughter exploded from Twilight’s chest as she felt his fingers dig in behind her knee and below her ribs. All thoughts of how she had bucked up jumping ship as she tried to wriggle out from his grasp. But between the angle he was holding her at, and the fact that she weighed all of 90 pounds soaking wet, there was little she could do besides squirm uselessly within his grasp.

Oh sure, it was entirely within the realm of reason for her to call upon her reserves of Earth Pony constitution and wrest herself free from him. However, she chose to hold back, since calling upon it bore the risk of actually hurting him, given the rate at which her muscles were already spasming beneath his attack. And if she was being 100% honest with herself, she really didn’t want him to stop. Much preferring the silvery shocks of childish glee shooting through her body and the giddy lightheadedness she was now swimming in to the feelings of crushing guilt and disgust that she’d been drowning in not even a minute ago.

Doubly so when she felt Matthias bring his lips back down to her and start planting kisses up and down her muzzle; adding in an additional layer of heat to the blush already burning beneath her face as she let herself simply get lost in the waves of airy mirth tossing her about like a ship in a storm. The dance of his fingers running across her body and the contractions of her diaphragm with each burst of foalish laughter the only things she allowed herself to feel.

In fact, she was so caught up in how expertly Matthias was playing her that she didn't even notice that he had moved them over to his bed and had sat them both down until well after he had begun to let up on his attack. Finally able to recognize the feel of the plush, navy blue comforter he slept under brushing against her tail and wings now that he had given her a chance to catch her breath and gain her bearings.

“You feeling better now, Twi?” she heard Matthias whisper happily down to her in a tone mirroring the one she had used while helping him earlier. The barest hints of caramel and cinnamon tickling against her nose as she felt his warm breath fall over her, and a soft hand begin wiping away at the hot tears staining her face. Revealing her friend smiling down at her with a grin equal parts heartfelt and shit-eating once he had finished drying her eyes.

A smile that any other night would’ve gotten him a playful punch in the pec for whatever smart-ass comment had proceeded it. Although tonight, all it succeeded in doing was fucktupling the depth of Twilight’s blush, dyeing the violet alicorn nearly as dark as her mane as she gave him a shaky nod. Her turn to lose track of her voice now as she tried to turn away in an attempt to save face, only for the hand that had been caressing her cheek to block her escape.

“Good,” he said while leaning down and licking Twilight across her lips again. Effectively double-tapping any lingering thoughts of dread or guilt still eating at her before he began rubbing small circles across her belly. His blush returning full force when the mare in his lap gripped his hand and guided it below her shirt and across her taut tummy, her thin coat the only thing separating them now.

“Hmmmmm I could get used to this cuddlier side of you May,” Twilight cooed contently beneath his tender touch as she rubbed her cheek lazily into his lower abdomen.

“Hey, I've always been willing to cuddle. I just wasn't sure what was off limits, or if you even wanted me to touch you more,” Matthias tried explaining. The colors on his face evening out as he started twirling a finger around her fuzzy little navel. “But after you literally bore your fucking soul to me like that, I’d have to be brain dead not to give you what we both want.”

“Hee hee I'm just heh I’m just so happy that you felt me,” she softly cheered between the little chuckles his ticklish touches were pulling from her. “I just wish I could have felt you too, and that you didn’t have to suffer through the feedback loop with me.”

“Meh, once we finish clearing Cliff of everything he's got, we can spend the rest of the weekend trying to make it stick properly if you want.”

“R-really?! You’d really risk going through all that again?!” Twilight asked incredulously while trying to sit back up. Only for Matthias to prod a finger into her muzzle and push her back down.

“Yes, really! Like I said, it shouldn’t have taken you nearly flash-frying our nerves for me to realize how important this was for you. And hey, now that I know what's going on and what to expect, maybe I’ll be able to actually help you with it, instead of mucking it up.”

“And… and if it still doesn’t work, or if I hurt you again?”

“Then I’ll just hold you close and remind you over and over again how you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had across two worlds, and do whatever it takes to show you what you mean to me,” he detailed with a shrug of his shoulder and another kiss on her cheek.

“You… you promise?” she asked shyly and with her darkest blush yet.

“I… I think I can manage that, so long as you promise to help me with a little side project I’ve been working on for the past month or so.”

“Of course I will!” she affirmed excitedly as she rolled off his lap, being careful not to brush against his hand again as she sat up to face him, her tail swishing back and forth excitedly in anticipation. “So, what did you have in mind? Is it strictly research this time or did you find another gaping hole in the Equestrian Education system that could be filled in with another bit of Terran ingenuity?”

“Heheh, sorry, still haven’t quite recovered from the Dewey Decimal debacle for anything too earth-shattering just yet. No, I was just thinking about getting a few of the books in my library transcribed and distributed. You know, maybe give you and some of your more literarily inclined students a chance to read something they would’ve never had a chance to read before.”

“Oh, uh that shouldn’t be too much of a hassle,” she said, deflating somewhat at the sound of such a simple venture, though she couldn't help but smile as she saw the teacher in him start to shine through. “Most of the books we’ve collected so far are still widely available through various anthologies and omnibuses. But there's been a push by the EEA over the last decade or so to emphasize a more Post-Unification, Heliocentric narrative within the classroom, which has led to a dearth in publishers willing to distribute materials which don't align with their standards. So we’ll probably want to focus on literature and histories that predate both Celestia’s first raising and the founding of the Trinitatis so we can highlight the individual accomplishments and contributions each tribe has brou… W-what’s so funny May?”

“It’s… heheh… it’s... heh... it’s just fucking fantastic!” He managed to choke out between chuckles as he slung an arm around her shoulder. “Here I am trying to set up the big reveal for your present, and in all of 30 seconds, you’ve not only managed to use it to shit all over the EEA, but you're already developing it into a system to scaffold the core foundations of your students’ cultural and societal identities!”

“Well, if I don’t insult those jingoistic flanks at least three times a day, I risk dulling my newly honed trash talking skills. And as headmistress, I always need to find ways to maximize the learning opportunities for my students. But how exactly is donating your books to the school a present to me? I mean, I appreciate you giving the kids the opportunity to study stories and philosophies that have been lost to time and politics, but I’ve probably read, re-read, and written compendiums and criticisms on at least 95% of the books in your library. And I can always come visit you should I need to examine them again, so why would I need my own copy of your collection?”

“Hehe, trust me Twi, I can personally guarantee that these are books the likes of which you nor anypony in Equestria has ever seen before!” He assured her while pulling his phone out of his pocket. Fiddling with a small flap Twilight had never noticed before on the top of the device before pulling out a small… something and holding it up between his thumb and index finger.

“Think fast!” he warned Twilight before softly underhanding the little whatever it was at her, forcing Twilight to reel back a bit as the tiny object bounced off her chest and dropped into her cupped hands.

Once the initial shock of being pelted with terran tech had worn off, and after shooting Matthias a bemused glare, she was finally able to take stock of the little black… thing that had fallen into her hands.

And sweet Celestia above was it tiny. Like, barely bigger than her pinky nail tiny, and made of a material similar to the outer shell of Matthias' phone, which made Twilight question if there might be something hidden inside it as well. Given the thin strips of what looked like gold sticking out of one end of it and the little 256GB seemingly etched into its side. But try as Twilight might, she just couldn’t picture what purpose or function something so light and delicate could serve within the marvel that was Matthias' smartphone, and how it related to this mystery library of his.

“So what is this thing, May?” she asked, finally giving up the ghost after another minute of pondering and only drawing a blank.

With the biggest shit eating grin he could muster, Matthias plucked the little oddity out of her hand, and slid it back into his phone. The normal clutter of apps and shortcuts covering the background image of his old dog shifting to that of a silhouetted boy reading beneath a tree under a starry sky and a small white bar that was slowly filling with gray.

“This, dear Twily, is the one and only repository of human literature on all of Equus!” he exclaimed as he handed her his phone, snickering as he saw her jaw nearly hit his bed upon the app beginning to boot up.

“W-w-w-w-what?!” she screamed, her hands shaking as she saw dozens of thumb-sized book covers begin popping up on the screen. Some emblazoned with fantastical looking characters and vehicles while others bore the faces of distinguished looking human mares and stallions. But just as quickly as the titles would appear on the screen, they would almost instantly be replaced by another, and another, and another, until there was a literal blur of books zooming in and out of view across the surface of the mechanized marvel she held in her hands. The torrent of tomes only beginning to slow once the little loading bar at the bottom of the screen had filled up completely.

With trembling fingers, Twilight began dragging her thumb up and down the glowing glass as Matthias had taught her many months ago. Complete shock and awe burning onto her muzzle as rows upon rows of different covers and titles scrolled across the glass.

“Th-this is… How…EEP!” she squealed as her thumb lingered too long on a book, accidentally opening it. A picture of a spiral galaxy flashing on the glass briefly before jumping to a bright white screen littered with the collection’s various titles and chapters.

“How to turn the page? How the books are stored?”

“Yes,” was all she could muster as she continued to study the names of the various novels and short stories contained within the omnibus she had stumbled upon. Her eyes going wide as saucers when the screen shifted to the title page of the book her thumb had been brushing against.

“Hehe well the first is easy, just swipe left and right to move between pages one at a time, tap on the page to skim through multiple pages or find a specific one, and hit the back arrow to return to the table of contents.”

Twilight’s eyes never tore from Matthias' phone, but her ears had swiveled in such a way as to pick up everything he had to say. Her fingers gently gliding along the glass to follow his instructions. An incredulous smile beaming on her face when she saw the page animate like it was a piece of paper flipping in response to her motions.

“As for the second, well, you're going to have to imagine a very, very very thin strip of a semi-conductive element which has been treated to hold one type of charge, sandwiched between two just as thin strips of the same element but treated to hold the opposite charge. And what this allows for is a controlled flow of electrons between each point of contact, and depending on the percentage of electrons held at these points, a binary value of either 1 or 0 is assigned which can then be run through a specified algorithm to translate into words. And given that the memory card I showed you has the capacity to hold 256 gigabytes of data or 256 billion individual letters, let's just say it has the potential to hold many a tome of my people’s forgotten lore.”

“H-how many exactly?”

“Let's see; last I checked there were 271 novels, 1043 short stories, 1214 poems, 52 plays, 327 essays, the assorted mythologies of 6 different cultures, as well as various nonfiction texts including letters, biographies, and literary criticism, and that's not even going into the comics and graph… uh, Twilight, you alright in there?”

Twilight had gone scarily stiff while Matthias was detailing the contents of his library, her sparkling, violet eyes shaking sporadically as they danced between him and his phone. Brief whispers that sounded oddly like, “two-thousand nine-hundred and seven stories” falling from her lips over and over again like some little prayer.

“Twiiiiilyyyy?” Matthias asked trying to provoke her, snapping his fingers in front of her face a few times hoping to get some response from her. But neither the abhorred pet name nor the somatic reflex test could goad any sort of reaction out of Twilight.

“Congratulations May, you’ve finally broken her,” he sighed with a wry chuckle and one last wave of his hand in front of her face. “Well if the prospect of reading and analyzing the contents of an entire alien library seems too daunting a task for you,” he teased while gingerly placing a hand on his phone, “maybe I should go ask Key Stroke down in archives if he’d like to-”

“DON’T YOU BUCKING DARE! Twilight suddenly screamed as she tackled him to the bed. Tossing the phone softly to the side so she could resume hugging and nuzzling the fuck out of him. Throwing her arms, legs, even her wings, and tail around him with such intensity, that Matthias swore he could hear his bones begin to break.

But the look of borderline bliss, beaming across Twilight's face was well worth the feeling of his ribs cracking and his lung being drilled full of holes. Doubly so when he felt her start rubbing her nose against his and the happiest tears he had ever seen spill down the bridge of her muzzle and onto his face.

“Thank you! Oh, thank you thank you thank you, May! Thank you for sharing this with me! Thank you for giving me this opportunity! Oh… just... just, thank you for coming into my life and letting me be your friend!” She cried almost hysterically, nuzzling his cheek so furiously that if it hadn’t already been wet with tears, it would have caught fire.

“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he calmly whispered to her as he started petting her mane, “Thank you, for giving me my dream back and for letting me share it with you.”

“Can… can we start now? You know, with the sharing?” she softly begged, her desire to hold onto Matthias at war with her need to analyze every word, sentence, and paragraph of every short story, essay, and novel hidden within his phone.

“You sure? Luna did say her meeting with Starry would only be about an hour or two. So that gives us what, twenty... eighty minutes at most to read?” he warned her in a teasingly non-committal way.

Because even though Matthias found the idea of exploring the nuances and intricacies of his homeworld’s literature with Twilight endlessly enticing, he knew that Luna would be here any minute now. And no matter how much fun he had whenever they were all together merely talking, studying, or following Twilight into Canterlot for one of her little socialization experiments. He needed to have a frank and awkward conversation with the Princess of the Night, and he didn’t need Twilight spazzing out about his Kindle app to her or have Luna freaking out about what Twilight was doing in his bed.

But the irked glare Twilight shot him told him that she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon:

“Now look here buster, you did not just spend the better part of thirty minutes working me up just to back out on me!”

“Uhhh Twi?”

“HEARD IT AS SOON AS IT LEFT MY MOUTH, YES!” she screamed, her face darkening again, but out of embarrassment or from frustration, Matthias could not tell. “Now, are you just gonna sit there, or are we gonna hit the bucking books!?”

And then she gave him the look. That patented wide-eyed, lip quivering puppy-dog pout that never failed to turn Matthias into a blushing, sputtering puddle of compliance whenever she turned it on him.

“Urggh Fine, just don't get upset when Luna comes in and breaks up our little story circle mid-chapter. I do have to get to bed eventually and… and I think I’m going to need to have a little chat with Luna about what we want from each other.”

“EEEHEEEHEEEE Oh thank you thank you thank you May,” she cheered before wrapping him up in another hug and unceremoniously kissing him on the lips. Causing Matthias to let out a muffled gasp as he felt her fuzzy muzzle mold against his mouth and her warm, wet tongue play against his lips.

But before Matthias could muster any form of protest or approval, Twilight released her hold on him so she could begin rummaging through her bag:

“And don't you worry, I promise to give you and Luna all the time you two need to clear the air. Ooooh, I just can’t wait, Luna’s going to be so happy!”

Matthias probably heard about half of that assurance, seeing as his mind was currently somersaulting from the fact that Twilight had just kissed him. Granted, it was nowhere near as intense as the ones Luna had smacked him with back in the garden. Hell, it was practically chaste compared to all the licking, suckling, and nibbling Twilight had been lavishing him with earlier.

But dammit, a kiss on the lips was still a kiss on the fucking lips! That wasn’t the kind of affection you just parsed out at random to friends unless you were either very, very, very drunk or were hoping to convey something to that friend that you weren’t confident your words could do justice to.

And yes, while the former could certainly explain Twilight’s sudden spike in both boldness and courage, Matthias had woken up half-naked next to her covered in books and paper cuts enough times to recognize whether or not she had been hitting the bubbly. Not to mention the only thing he had tasted on her lips when his and Twilight's were joined was the spearmint mouthwash she had used while getting ready for bed.

So for the third time this evening Matthias began running through her words and actions, desperately trying to make sense of the nerdy little mare who was currently pulling out wells of different colored inks and quills from her purse while humming some happy, peppy tune. Oblivious to the state of the poor hamster in his head who had begun filling out his workman’s comp claim for the broken nose and concussion he was now nursing. Finding no way to square the circle of mouth to mouth kissing as anything other than a display of romantic affection.

Then Matthias saw Twilight start pulling a typewriter out of her purse.

Which wouldn't have been too strange a sight, if her purse had been some high-end designer travel bag or something. But there she was struggling to yank what looked like some old-school Remington model out of what could pass for a little twelve by six clutch back on Earth. The zipper crying as Twilight struggled to wiggle the typewriter’s girth free from the confines of the enchanted satchel Matthias affectionately referred to as her ‘tessersack.’

And strangely, that helped to put things back into perspective for him.

Reminding Matthias gently that no matter how much things in Equestria worked as they did back home, that no matter how much Twilight’s affections and words mirrored those of a woman who was showing interest in him. That he was, in fact, in a magical fantasy land where not only the laws of physics as he knew them were subject to change but where the rules of courtship and interpersonal relations varied just as significantly.

Where a kiss or a nuzzle wasn’t necessarily an advance, and where even something as simple as a pat on the back could be seen as an act of molestation given the race of pony. So the idea of something like a kiss, even on the lips, shouldn’t be held to the same standards of intimacy that act of affection would have back home. Heck, Twilight herself had even mentioned how all this stemmed from a culture clash between their societal views on intimacy, so why would Twilight initiate an act with him that she knew he was misinterpreting as an advance.

So with a jerky shake of his head to try and get the hamster off his ass, Matthias leaned over and grabbed the bottom of her purse and began pulling. Hoping he could lend her a hand before the BBC bots broke through the dimensional barriers and smacked her with a copyright strike.

“You know, you should rgggh you should probably invest in a bigger bag of holding!”

“I’ve got three more bags from Rarity I’ve enchanted with Primrose’s Pocket!”

“Then why didn’t you grab one of those?!”

“Because you needed a cuddle and it was the first one I saw!”

“Well rgggh as much as I appreciate your willingness to drop everything to come help my whiny ass, maybe you should make one of those other bags your designated ‘May’s Being a Bitch Pouch’ and save yourself some hassle for the next time?”

“You’re not being a bi-”

“GOT IT!” Matthias cheered as the typewriter shimmied loose from the screaming seams of her purse’s mouth. Rocketing the forty-five-pound hunk of steel and ink into Twilight’s chest, and throwing Matthias flat on his back, because apparently, Sir Isaac Newton is still the deadliest son-of-a-bitch in the multiverse.

Which really shouldn’t have shocked him so much, given one of his preferred fields of study and academia. He just wasn’t really expecting the subsequent eruption of papers, notebooks, and folders to nearly blow him off his bed like Odysseus’ bag of winds. Nor was he planning on having to roll out of the way when the clutch on his chest belched up one last box that ricocheted off the canopy held up by his bedposts and nearly caved in what was left of his face.

“Omigosh, May! Are you alright!?” Twilight shrieked, having born witness to the bit of metaphysical vaudeville from her end of the bed. Hurriedly shoving the arcane word processor off of her so she could check on her friend, only to settle when he shot her a prone thumbs up.

“Y-yeah, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to play Don’t Get Your Head Bashed In with you Twi,” Matthias assured her as he picked himself back up, grabbing the wooden package that had nearly put another dent in his skull along the way. Recognizing it as the one that had been on her desk while they had been talking through their mirrors after examining it for a second. Pausing when he spied Twilight's flowing purple cursive emblazoned along its side:

For the teacher who made me fall in love with magic all over again!

Love,

Twilight Sparkle

“Heh, so what’s the occasion?” he asked Twilight, holding the package up when she quirked her head to the side in confusion. Her blush burning bright as she twiddled with her fingers nervously.

“Oh, uh, heheh well, you know? H-happy eight months in Equestria May!”

Matthias chuckled at Twilight's anxious fidgeting before sliding the lid off of the wooden case. Revealing, surprise, a new book for his ever-growing collection hidden behind a protective layer of enchanted glass. Though unlike the usual bound and jacketed volumes she was known to gift him with, this one appeared to be little more than a well worn manuscript. With faded Cryillic script, reminiscent of the brochure Twilight had been teasing him with earlier, penned across the page.

“This is awesome Twi!” he exclaimed, beaming her an unabashedly toothy grin that held naught but genuine gratitude and appreciation for the mare glowing across from him. “So what rare and exoctic tale have you managed to procure for me this time?”

“Yes, well, while I was looking into which Equestrian city or territory best correlated to the setting of your favorite book, I also happened to come across a rather interesting story about a certain author in Stalliongrad.”

Matthias' eyes shot up from the manuscript’s increasingly familiar looking title structure and bored straight into Twilight’s. “You… you didn’t.”

“Hee hee, A certain author who wrote during a time when if a pony made public any views that didn’t align with those of the ruling party’s pony-centric stance on Nature and Harmony. They and their loved ones would find themselves loaded onto the first train out of Stalliongrad and shipped off to the coldest depths of the Winter Wastes.”

Matthias' hands were trembling. It was just too much; there was just no way she could have found it.

“Yet in spite of those risks, she still found herself unable to keep quill from parchment. Risking her life, and the lives of her friends and loved ones each time she espoused the true nature of ponies as the shepherds of Equus, not its masters. Needing to burn her masterpiece five different times lest the authorities discover her.” Twilight explained as she sifted through the sheets of papers littering his bed until she found another book buried beneath the mess and held it up for him to see. Its cover, a silhouetted image of a blonde-maned unicorn wearing a witch’s hat laying seductively atop a broomstick as it flew across a starlit city. The Patriarch and Persephone printed along the bottom in leafed gold that shone in the low candlelight of Matthias' room as she handed it over to him.

Matthias' hands trembled as his fingers traced along the covers of both books, needing to confirm that this was real and not some sleep addled hallucination. Gingerly flipping through their pages after taking a few steadying breaths lest he tear them in his excitement. Though as he continued to study through the texts, he began noticing some discrepancies in the manuscript’s construction and layout.

“Twi?”

“Yeah.”

“Why doesn’t this copy have any publication dates, page numbers, or headers?” He asked holding up the unbound copy carefully, “Is it a promotional copy or something?”

“Nope, what you’ve got there is Proper Prose’s original draft!”

“But, but you said she burned it... five times!”

“That she did, but Discord just so happens to play a prominent role across the majority of the novel’s acts, despite him having been locked way in stone some three-hundred years prior. So I figured that in his own… Discordy way, he might have had some hand in the book’s history and development. But when I went to ask him about it during my weekly tea-time with Fluttershy, all he did was pull the rug up from under the table and go off on a tangent about the, and I quote, ‘wibbly-wobbly’ nature of that space-time continuum thing you theorized. He then proceeded to animate an entire army of dust-bunnies and shed fur to reenact his critical scenes in the story while Fluttershy and I enjoyed our tea. But just as I was getting ready to leave, and possibly ask Celestia where I might find an early printing, Discord yanked me aside and took me into the kitchen where he used a fishing pole to cast himself into the sink and reel this out." She explained while running her hand along the manuscript's old, worn cover, occassionally trailing her fingers across Matthias' as well.

“And… and how did he get his mismatched hands on this?”

“All he did was wink and tell me that-”

“Manuscripts don’t burn,” they said at the same time, a nostalgic smile worming its way onto Matthias' face as Twilight’s eyes widened. “Hehe, Discord as Woland, this I gotta fucking read now!”

“Hee hee, I know it’s not much, but I’m glad you like it,” Twilight said with a weak chuckle and blush, one that pulled Matthias out of his revelry.

“What do you mean, ‘it’s not much?!’ You spent an entire afternoon sipping tea with a guy who runs off cartoon logic to get me the Equestrian equivalent of my favorite book! What part of that is not much!?”

“I know, it’s just… when you compare it to something like that,” she said pointing out the window to the Pillars still burning off in the early morning sky, her demeanor sinking somewhat as she brought up his phone, “or this, it’s not really much to write home about.”

Yeah, that’s bullshit! He thought as he scooched closer to her, desperately wanting to convey to her how much he not only loved and appreciated his present but her as well. Recognizing that he still hadn’t entirely quashed this ridiculous notion in her that she somehow wasn’t as close a friend to him as Celestia and Luna were.

So with a steadiness and surety that betrayed the nervous pit hollowing out his stomach, Matthias placed his hands on her shoulders, rubbing and massaging them gently, causing Twilight to loosen up and coo slightly. Those coos devolving into pleasured shudders as she felt his hands start trailing up her neck and cup her cheeks, his thumbs brushing through the thin coat covering her muzzle in soft, soothing motions. Washing away her sudden bout of insecurity with each tender touch he trailed across her face, her eyes fluttering shut as she let herself get lost in his gentle ministrations.

Only for them to shoot open when she felt Matthias press his lips against hers.

The kiss was brief, very brief, barely even a brush against her lips, but there was no mistaking the feel of his hairless lips molding against hers, and his warm, shaky breath mingling with hers. Forcing a happy mewl out of her as she started to push back against him, only for it to dissolve into a needy whine when she felt him break away from her. A nervous fire flickering behind his eyes as his whole head turned a deep crimson.

“S-sorry, I just… I just needed to show you how much I value you and your friendship. I...I’d be lost if I didn’t have you in my life,” he confessed with a lowered head, unable to bring himself to face Twilight, even though she had just kissed him the same way not five minutes ago. Unable to shake off those feelings and associations he had come to pair with the simple act of affection and how Twilight might react to it.

But then Matthias felt Twilight pick his face and cup his cheeks, a hot, happy blush staining her muzzle, her eyes sparkling like the shimmer of her magic.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself for me,” she assured him warmly, wrapping her arms around him and pressing her forehead against his. “This… this is something I need to work out on my own and shouldn’t be forcing on you as well.”

And Matthias simply melted into Twilight’s embrace. Her words, her touch, it was everything he needed to hear and feel to settle the dissonance from the conflicting thoughts and feelings that had been threatening to rip him apart. Sure, it was still confusing as all hell for him to have a girl kiss him and not think it an advance and vice-versa. But he trusted Twilight enough not to steer him wrong or take advantage of his naivete.

Rewarding that trust with another quick kiss on her lips, causing Twilight to squeak in surprise and her wings to ruffle against his arms.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m here willing to help you through it,” he reassured her, running his hands up and down her back, laughing as she started nuzzling furiously into the crook of his neck, a happy squeal muffling against his skin.

“I… I… I can’t even with you right now!” she shrieked happily, pulling him into another bone-breaking hug, one he returned just as fiercely in hopes of containing the excitable alicorn. Holding her tightly in place until he could feel her heartbeat begin dropping to more manageable levels.

As the mare in his arms continued to settle herself down, Matthias decided to check on the time, lest Luna arrive before Twilight got the chance to really look through his library. Spying his phone on the bed face up next to him, the display showed that it was teetering on four, giving them an hour at most if Luna’s estimation was correct. So, as much as he enjoyed being wrapped up in a blanket of Twilight, he had to let her go so he could let her enjoy her present.

“Alright Twi, we’ve maybe got an hour to ourselves before Luna’s finished with her meeting, how do you wanna spend it?”

“Can… can we not just stay like this?” she said with a cute little pout, sticking her lip out and shooting him another needy stare.

“I don’t know, would be kinda hard for us to read together if we’re not facing the same direction,” he teased while holding up his phone, his library full of ebooks displayed on the screen.

Twilight started looking between him and his phone rapidly, the gears in her head turning as she tried to work out the logistics of achieving the maximum amount of cuddles while still being able to read with him. But after mulling it over for a few more seconds, a light bulb seemed to go off in her head as her ears perked straight up and her tail began to wag excitedly.

Shooting Matthias a mischievous smirk that made him sweat for a second, Twilight suddenly tightened her grip on him. Latching her arms and legs around his midsection before giving her wings a mighty flap that lifted them both a good five feet in the air. Once at the apex of their ascent, Twilight twirled them around and gently dropped him in the direction of his bed’s headboard, where Matthias tended to keep the majority of his pillows stacked. Their soft, cloud-like stuffing cushioning the impact of his negligible descent, though not enough to keep the few papers that were still strewn across his bed from taking flight.

However, before Matthias could complain about either the rough handling or the mess she was making, Twilight ever so softly landed in his lap with his phone in hand. Her magic’s magenta glow having already begun snatching up the displaced parchments now littering his room and organizing them into their proper stacks and alignments.

“Couldn’t you have just asked me to scoot over?” Matthias questioned as Twilight shifted about atop his waist, excitedly pouring over his collection to decide which book they should read first. Her motions threatening to undo all the hard work he’d put in to keeping his less than cooperative head from making itself known.

“Oh, I could’ve! But I figured it be easier just to show you what I had in mind rather than tell you,” she teased playfully, blocking his attempts at sitting back up by placing her hand on his chest and gently pushing him back.

Taking this as a hint that she didn't want him to move, Matthias let her guide him down so that he was lying fully on his back. His head propped up slightly by the pile of royal blue pillows he liked to bury himself in whenever he decided to finally get some sleep.

With his positioning to her liking, Twilight seal rolled off of him and began nestling herself under his right arm. Resting her head against his chest, her arms snaked their way over and around his stomach and lower back, her hands causing Matthias to fidget some as they slid up and down his side. The feel of her plush chest and tummy as she molded herself against him causing blooms of heat to cascade throughout his body.

“Y-You know that isn't what they typically mean by show don’t tell, right?” he stuttered softly as he tried to reposition himself so as not alert Twilight to the fact that the South had risen again.

“Just shut up and snuggle dammit,” Twilight scolded playfully, rubbing her cheek into his chest as she wrapped her leg around his, draping him with her wing and tail once she felt she had him secured.

“Yes, Ms. Sparkle,” Matthias huffed out in equal parts frustration and amusement, dipping his hand beneath the collar of her shirt so he could run his fingers up and down her bare arm and shoulder. Chuckling as he felt the breath brushing against his neck hitch before melting into a drawn-out sigh of contentment. Her grip on him only growing tighter with each subtle shift against her.

“So, as comfortable as all this is,” Matthias spoke up after another minute or two of simply reveling in her touch and proximity, “how exactly do you plan on reading without letting go of me?”

Twilight tilted her head up at him, that same look of playful smugness from earlier carved into her muzzle, before simply sparking her horn to life and lifting up his phone so that it hung in the air slightly above them.

“Cheater,” he affirmed with a side of salt, though he couldn't help but smirk at how quickly she had found a workaround so she could keep herself glued to his side. “So, did you decide on which book we’re going to be reading tonight or are we just gonna cuddle until Luna kicks you out?”

Twilight let out a very girly sounding giggle before pressing her snout into his neck, peppering his neck and jawline with sweet, little licks and kisses. “Thanks again for doing this for me May, you really are the best stallion to have ever come into my life,” she affirmed with nothing but the most profound sincerity and certainty in her voice. The raw feelings behind her words causing his heart to skip a couple of beats.

But before Matthias could become too flustered from her diabetes inducing antics, he was distracted by the sensation of his phone bopping him in the nose, its bright white screen and navy blue font revealing Twilight’s choice for their first foray into the field of human literature.

“Of course you'd pick The Time Machine, you little nerd,” he chided her mockingly, causing Twilight to shrink a little against him and let out a timid chuckle.

“W-w-well, temporal displacement magic is still a highly dangerous and morally questionable field of the arcane. So I was curious about the views humans might potentially have on the consequences of altering the past or reshaping the future.”

“Eh, fair enough, now let’s see…” Matthias tried to pick his hand up to swipe the screen and start reading, but was stopped by Twilight gripping his hand and moving it back beneath her wing and holding it there. Turning to try and ask what she was doing, he was met with her smiling face shaking back and forth and a tiny glow shining from tip of her horn. That tiny glow breaking away from her and forming a facsimile of her hand which swiped the screen in his place.

Matthias shot her an amused smile as he laced his fingers with hers, planting one last kiss on the tip of her muzzle before diving into the tale of the Time Traveller and his wondrous device, feeling Twilight shift beside him excitedly as he began narrating the first human novella ever to be read aloud on Equus. The way her chest was pressing into his allowing him to feel each and every little thump and quiver of her heart.

Noticing that for the first time since the Princess of the Night had kissed him under her pale moonlight, that he was fully at ease. That there was no longer any dread about what might or might not happen when Luna was finished with her meeting, nor were there any more worries about what direction his relationship with her might take. His whole world now was just this nerdy little mare who needed to be reminded every now and again that friendship wasn’t measured in time or touch, but in action and deed. Who had spent months upon months helping him to not only learn about his new home but make him feel like he was at home as well. Whose boundless drive and passion had slowly but surely whittled away at the shell he had wrapped around himself, making him almost excited to venture forth and see the world Twilight had described to him with such love and excitement.

Sure there were still the moments of abject terror and utter confusion; one does not simply forget a mob of formerly angry nobles turning tail at the sight of their princess becoming a tiny purple super Saiyan. And visions of the little bookworm coming at him half-naked and with her mane on fire as she desperately tried to rip his clothes off continued to haunt his dreams in all the best ways.

But with every walk into the city he took with her, with every meal they shared together both inside and outside of the castle, and with every failed and successful experiment that left them covered in soot and grinning like idiots, he found that bewilderment and fear was shifting more and more towards excitement and anticipation. Like he was on some mighty rollercoaster cresting its first hill now, rather than being lost on some alien world without ever a hope of finding his way back home.

And more so than any book Twilight had ever given him, Hell, even more so than the voice and laughter she had returned to him, it was this overall shift in the outlook he had for his future that Matthias held most dearly. Because even with the care and protection Celestia had offered him, and the companionship and understanding he shared with Luna, Twilight was the first pony to give him a sense that there just may be a way for him to live a normal life here on Equestria. Well, as normal a life as possible for spatially displaced teacher with half his face melted off.

And if all she wanted in return was for him to hold her close and be more open with her, then that was fine by him. It was the least he could do for her, after all from second one of their friendship, that was all she had been with him.